QNotes, February 19, 2021

Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

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contributors this issue

Kariss Frank, L’Monique King, Jack Kirven, Lainey Millen, Julianna Perez, J. Eric Peters, Bishop Tonyia M. Rawls, Chris Rudisill, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Gregg Shapiro, Trinity

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The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBTQ and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBTQ life and social justice issues.

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feature

Screen Savor: Unwelcome Wagon

Black, Queer and in the Pulpit

Gay writer and documentary filmmaker David France has a knack for uncovering and bringing attention to subjects that deserve it. This certainly goes for his most recent film, “Welcome to Chechnya” which focuses on LGBTQ peoples’ lives living in an oppressive world.

news

Mecklenburg County Commission Passes ND Resolution Biden Administration Steps Up Support for LGBTQ Community Food Lion Deepens Commitment to Advance D&I News Briefs

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Tell Trinity Screen Savor: Unwelcome Wagon Out in Print: ‘Eleanor’

life

Out of the Closet and into the Cabinet Health & Wellness: The Matter of Black Lives

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Swimming in a Sea of Whiteness Makes it Hard to Breath Letters to the Editor Hacker @donk_enby Legal Eagles: New Year, New Administration Growing Up Queer

events

For event listings, visit goqnotes.com/events-calendar.

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Out of the Closet and into the Cabinet

Former South Bend, Ind. Mayor Pete Buttigieg made history when he was confirmed as the new secretary of transportation under the Biden Administration and became the United State’s first openly gay cabinet member.

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Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

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Swimming in a Sea of Whitenesss Makes It Hard to Breathe A Perspective on Black History Month

BY Bishop Tonyia M. Rawls | Guest Contributor

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n April 5, 1968, educator and anti-racism activist Jane Elliott did an experiment with her third grade elementary class. Disturbed by the assassination of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., she wanted to do more than just talk about his death and the violence and injustice experienced

by Negros. In her experiment she separated her all-white class by eye instead of skin color. She placed the blue eyes in one group and the brown eyes in another. The brown eyes were given special privileges while the blue eyes had their privileges removed and were looked down upon. Elliott was amazed how quickly her normally sweet brown eyes turn to ugly oppressors and how quickly the blue eyes started internalizing the labels placed upon them. What Elliott exposed in her simple experiment was how arbitrary racism is and how prevalent White Supremacy is in the lives of both Black and non-Black people. This exercise was only for a few hours. Can you imagine what a lifetime of being a brown eye would do?

It is difficult to understand what it feels like to be Black and an LGBTQ person. If you are not, however, here is my stab at it.

Being Black in America, a nation that rose to its meteoric heights by stealing Black bodies from Africa and around the world for free labor, is like having the oxygen needed for strong life diminished. We definitely have other groups who were exploited, such as all immigrant and ethnic minority groups. However, no other group was stripped of their homelands, stripped of their language, stripped of their culture, stripped of their religion and any remembrances of their ancestral power. Black people were also the only group who were considered not fully human. No other group in our country has experienced the same systemic levels of church-and-state sanctioned violence and depravity.

Being Black and LGBTQ is like swimming in an ocean without the benefit of breathing equipment, buoys to rest at or welcoming shores. It is like being in rough waters without the benefit of Aquaman’s gills or the Greek god Poseidon’s trident to fight off enemies. Before you go there and suggest that Black people face challenges like everyone else, I ask you to consider these thoughts: Being white in the sea that is America is like getting a set of gills handed to you at birth. You did not have to work for them; all you needed was the right complexion. Being white is like having safe havens provided for you that help ensure that when you have need, you will more readily be extended a lifeline. These lines come in the form of quality education, legal protections, access to opportunities, relationships that benefit you, inheritances of homes, businesses, money and other resources that came through the free labor we provided. Imagine what was lost through Black family separations during slavery, Jim Crow and yes, even today. Poor families who may get a little help through welfare, are often denied the right of having the father in the home. Then imagine that your skin color gave other travelers the right to burden you with their trash, like heavy jail sentences for minor infractions, denial of good employment opportunities, poor access to quality healthcare and the burden of knowing your country does not prioritize you or your needs.

What is most offensive to me are those “well-meaning people” who suggest the reason Black people are not further ahead is because we are lazy, poorly educated by choice, angry all the time and always making excuses for why we are not further along in life. A more appropriate question might be, “How did any of them survive? How did my Black colleagues, community partners, classmates, service

Letters to the Editor…

Protection against discrimination for all LGBTQ+ Americans became inevitable when Democrats took control of both the White House and both houses of Congress.

President Biden’s administration has made this a priority for his first 100 days per White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki (Washington Blade, Feb. 5).

Democrats last controlled the White House and both legislative houses in the 111th Congress (2009–2011). LGBTQ rights then took three leaps forward. Congress repealed statutory support for the military’s anti-gay discrimination (2010) and passed an inclusive federal hate crime law (2009). The Senate confirmed appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court of Sonia Sotomayor (2009) and Elena Kagan (2010), who joined three other justices to declare the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional (2013 and 2015).

In 2019 every Democrat — but only eight Republicans — in the U.S. House of Representatives voted to pass the Equality Act.

providers and friends make it as far as they have with the burden of their Blackness ever present?” In the sea of White Supremacy that prevails in America, and particularly in our beloved North Carolina, think twice before you assume you know what it is to be Black in America.

I close with a message to Black folks broadly. I believe now, these 402 years since we were ripped from our homelands, it is our time. We were brought to build a nation that repaid us by denying us much of the wealth and benefits it holds. Now is the time to break free. Whatever benefits we have, we had to fight for. Whatever privileges we enjoy, our skin did not help us attain them. I believe now is the time for Black people to reimagine a future that centers us on land and not in the sea of White Supremacy. It looks like building our own institutions. Establishing our own systems of education for our children. It looks like reading Holy Text that does not center a White Jesus with blue eyes instead one who looks like the man of color he actually was.

I am proud of the contributions my people have made to this great nation. Now is our time to unapologetically claim what is ours as free people. To those who feel reparations to the ancestors of slaves is too much to ask, we must say, “return every benefit you gained from our ancestors, and we won’t ask for any payment for what our ancestors did to make those benefits possible.” Now is our time to name and embrace new narratives, not about who we are not, but about what we can be. We will swim on our own terms, and when we do, we will be well-equipped for the journey. : : Bishop Tonyia M. Rawls is founder of The Freedom Center for Social Justice, pastor of Sacred Souls United Church of Christ and inaugural chair of the NC NAACP’s Executive Board LGBTQ Committee.

Today, Democrats control both houses in 18 states’ legislatures, and all 18 have pertinent non-discrimination laws. Minnesota (1993) and Iowa (2007) enacted such laws when Democrats controlled their legislatures.

Virginia Democrats took control of Old Dominion’s legislature in 2020 and, less than six months later, made their state the first in the South to enact a pro-LGBTQ+ anti-discrimination law.

This will nicely supplement the U.S. Supreme Court’s June 2020 ruling in Bostock v. Clayton County, Georgia. The Equality Act will cover not just employment but housing, education, finance and public accommodations (e.g. bakery).

With Democrats in control, our day in the sun as LGBTQ+ Americans is inevitable. : : J. Eric Peters Columbus, Ohio

Send your letters (please keep 200 words or less) or guest commentaries (600 words or less) to letters@goqnotes.com. All letters must be signed with your first and last name and your city/state. We do not accept unsigned letters or commentaries.

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qnotes

Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

news

Mecklenburg County Commission Passes Non-Discrimination Resolution Charlotte Ordinance to Follow

By Julianna Perez | Guest Contributor

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Mecklenburg County has passed the first non-discrimination resolution since House Bill 142 (HB142), which was created in response to House Bill 2 (HB2, also known as the “bathroom bill”). Instead of addressing the fallout from HB2, Gov. Roy Cooper signed into law the aforementioned HB142. This bill made it so that local governments (including the city of Charlotte) would be unable to regulate any sort of public accommodation or employment practice for any unprotected class.

Beyond LGBTQ individuals, this ordinance also negatively affected veterans, unmarried adults and the elderly. After three-and-a-half years, the ordinance recently expired in December 2020.

The commission resolution, published by Mecklenburg County on Feb. 2, has striven to make up for these past restrictions. However, this is not the finished product. It is a resolution pointing to future ordinances rather than the ordinance itself. The towns of Hillsborough and Carrboro passed new non-discrimination ordinances on Jan. 11 and Jan. 12 respectively. These were the first two municipalities to pass such ordinances since the expiration of HB142.

Carrboro has been planning on passing this nondiscrimination ordinance since the conception of HB2 five years ago. Their town ordinance extends to managers and employers and includes the following protected identifications: race, hairstyles, ethnicity, color, sex, national origin, marital status, pregnancy, age, disability, sexual orientation, gender expression and gender identity. The purpose of protecting both gender identity and gender expression is to ensure that employees are not only having their pronouns respected, but that they are also able to wear attire that aligns most similarly to their gender or lack thereof. This ordinance also outlines the consequences for those who disregard the mandate: the perpetrator of discrimination can be found guilty of a Class 3 misdemeanor and will be

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charged $500. These penalties have not typically been outlined in the past, however, Carrboro Mayor Lydia Lavelle states that the presentation of their negative impact will de-incentivize discriminatory behavior.

Meanwhile, Charlotte, N.C. Mayor Vi Lyles, working in tandem with Equality North Carolina Policy Director Ames Simmons, has been working on a similar ordinance for the City of Charlotte. The Mecklenburg County Commission resolution aimed to expand upon, and add to, protected groups. These protections would extend to those who identify as LGBTQ, those who practice any religion and those who utilize hair care products and hair styles outside of the social norm. Lyles has not, however, made any indications as to what the punishment for such discrimination may be.

As the Mecklenburg County Commission resolution stands, only government and taxpayer-funded programs will have to adhere to these forthcoming regulations. Both the county resolution and the Charlotte ordinance will strive to include public accommodations, such as hotels, in their lists of regulated areas. Many supporters (primarily LGBTQ community members and allies) of this resolution claim that it is a welcome gesture, but nothing more. The Mecklenburg County Commission non-discrimination resolution does not allow for any enforceable protections. In this way, it cannot be well-likened to the Hillsborough or Carrboro town ordinances. Mecklenburg County does not have the power, nor the reach, necessary to directly impact ordinances for each county. Additionally, the county resolution does not mention HB2. It does, however, include data regarding antiLGBTQ discrimination as recently as June 2020. Data is one

of the major missing pieces of Lyle’s proposed City of Charlotte ordinance.

Lyle claims that there have not been sufficient studies completed within the parameters of Charlotte’s public accommodations in order to present an inclusive picture of Charlotte’s antiLGBTQ discrimination.

The Mecklenburg County nondiscrimination resolution was passed unanimously. Several members of the board (Susan Rodriguez-McDowell, Leigh Altman and George Dunlap) also made it clear that they would be consulting with the Mecklenburg County attorney for legal advice. This motion was made by Commissioner Leigh Altman, who has spoken out about the commission’s plan to make their resolution into a county-wide ordinance.

This ordinance, as with the Charlotte ordinance, has been delayed due to lack of information including demographic and legal evidence. No specific timeframe has been given for either the Charlotte or the Mecklenburg County ordinances, but leaders within each group have stated that more inclusive changes will be implemented before the end of 2021.

For now, the newly-passed Mecklenburg County Commission non-discrimination resolution will have the ability to deter discrimination against any of the previous protected groups by any governmental institution or agency. Public accommodations such as hospitals, shopping malls, government buildings, amusement parks and movie theatres will no longer be able to refuse service, or employment, to any persons protected by the Mecklenburg County resolution. : : (Photo Credit: Charlotte-Mecklenburg Government via Facebook)

Hacker @donk_enby

How a Hacker of Capitol Videos Increased Visibility of NB Community

By Chris Rudisill | qnotes contributor

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efore the social media platform Parler went offline following the deadly mob attack on the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, a hacker downloaded tons of content. That content, including video and GPS metadata that showed the exact location of where posts were made, was used extensively in last week’s impeachment hearing against formerPresident Donald Trump.

According to Vice News, “the quick thinking of a self-described hacker by the name of donk_enby and a host of amateur data hoarders preserved more than 56.7 terabytes of data from Parler that donk_enby and open source investigators believe could be useful in piecing together what happened.” She was able to scrape and capture nearly the entire contents of the website. “I hope that it can be used to hold people accountable

reference to the 1995 film “Hackers” starring Jonny Lee Miller and Angelina Jolie. With the Twitter handle @donk_ enby, she has become widely popular, and that attention might just bring some visibility to the nonbinary community.

While donk_enby specifies female pronouns in her Twitter profile, the term “enby” is often used to referNonbinary hacker donk_enby located posts made on Parler durence “nb” or “nonbinary.” ing the U.S. Capitol attack (Photo by @donk_enby via Twitter) Some people on Reddit noticed, as one user on and to prevent more death,” she said. a nonbinary community Not much is known about the hacker discussion board posted, “Thank you, who goes by Crash Override, an obvious comrade @donk_enby.”

While not making any claims about the gender identity or sexual orientation of the now-famous hacker, perhaps the small online action of a chosen Twitter handle followed by a rainbow emoji might make someone else feel seen in a turbulent world. It also could bring awareness to a hacker community that has historically been cis-male dominated.

In “The Conscience of a Hacker,” also known as The Hacker Manifesto, Loyd Blankenship aka The Mentor, says “This is our world now … the world of the electron and the switch … We exist without skin color, without nationality, without religious bias…” Perhaps, the manifesto for the next generation of hackers might be written a bit differently — including signs and words of a gender revolution. : :

Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

qnotes

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BRIEFS

news Biden Administration Steps Up Support for LGBTQ Community

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an effort to unwind the anti-LGBTQ initiatives that the Trump administration spearheaded, President Joe Biden has set out a global effort to help bring diversity and inclusion back to the mainstream. He and his staff have been engaged in bringing back such items as allowing transgender military personnel to serve out and proud, providing for healthcare and housing needs for LGBTQ citizens, opening the doors to LGBTQ individuals to U.S. shores, recognizing LGBTQ individuals globally, among others.

Military In one of Biden’s first executive orders, he enabled all qualified Americans to serve their country in uniform, thus ending the ban on transgender military service. The document stated, “By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered as follows: Section 1. Policy. All Americans who are qualified to serve in the Armed Forces of the United States (“Armed Forces”) should be able to serve. The All-Volunteer Force thrives when it is composed of diverse Americans who can meet the rigorous standards for military service, and an inclusive military strengthens our national security. It is my conviction as Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces that gender identity should not be a bar to military service. Moreover, there is substantial evidence that allowing transgender individuals to serve in the military does not have any meaningful negative impact on the Armed Forces.”

In remarks made from the Oval Office just before he signed the executive order, Biden said, “This is reinstating a position that previous commanders and — as well as the Secretaries have supported. And what I’m doing is enabling all qualified Americans to serve their country in uniform, and essentially restoring the situation as it existed before, with transgender personnel, if qualified in every other way, can serve their government in the United States military.”

According to new polling data from The Trevor Project and Morning Consult, 60 percent of American adults support allowing openly transgender people to serve in the U.S. military, including a majority of military households. “The discriminatory policy had a harmful impact on transgender and nonbinary youth mental health,” Trevor shared.

A number of organizations shared their praise of Biden’s moves toward inclusion and diversity. (See extended coverage on this in qnotes online story at goqnotes.com/69042.)

Other Initiatives and Executive Orders In addition to lifting the ban as outlined above, the Biden administration has also taken other steps to be more inclusive. He directed federal agencies to adopt a comprehensive approach to advancing equity for all, including in federal employment, policies, programs and services. This includes in part barring anti-discrimination in housing, increasing access to healthcare for LGBTQ individuals including for sexual and reproductive health, preventing and combatting discrimination on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation (The Women’s Liberation Front denounced the executive order which takes steps to end female-only spaces and sports despite the objections from many women’s organizations.), implementing the Supreme Court’s decision last June in Bostock v. Clayton County, and others.

Combatting COVID-19 has also been on the agenda. Research done by the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Law found that many LGBTQ adults are particularly vulnerable to serious illness related to COVID-19. According to one recent study, an estimated 319,800 transgender adults in the U.S. have one or more medical conditions, such as asthma, diabetes and heart disease that put them at increased risk of serious illness related to COVID-19. Another study estimated that over 800,000 LGBTQ adults in the U.S. are age 65 and older.

The administration has acknowledged the value of the LGBTQ community worldwide in an executive order.

The White House also has added gender neutral pronouns to its website.

Biden is the first president in U.S. history to issue an executive order explicitly on LGBTQ rights on his first day in office, the Williams Institute shared. : : info: who.eop.gov. Photo Credit: Adam Schultz, White House.

— Compiled by Lainey Millen

Food Lion Deepens Commitment to Advance Diversity and Inclusion

SALISBURY, N.C. — Food Lion announced that Meg Ham, president of Food Lion, has joined the CEO Action for Diversity & Inclusion coalition.

In signing this commitment, Food Lion joins a partnership of more than 1,500 CEOs pledging to foster a diverse and inclusive workplace environment where associates have a sense of belonging and feel comfortable discussing diversity and inclusion.

“At Food Lion, our value of care is at the center of everything we do, and one of the ways we care for our associates is by nourishing a sense of belonging,” said Meg Ham, president of Food Lion. “Joining the CEO Action for Diversity & Inclusion coalition gives us a greater opportunity to share and learn best practices from organizations who share our commitment to growing a diverse and inclusive environment. The towns and cities we serve are diverse, and a diverse workforce makes us a better neighbor.”

As a signatory, Food Lion shared that it is dedicated to working collaboratively to advance diversity and inclusion in the workplace through conversation, engagement and collaboration among organizations, and is committing to four actions: continue to cultivate workplaces that support open dialogue on complex, and sometimes difficult conversations about diversity and inclusion; implement and expand unconscious bias education; share best known — and unsuccessful — actions; and create and share strategic inclusion and diversity plans with our board of directors.

Last month, Food Lion earned its 12th consecutive perfect score on the 2021 Human Rights Campaign Corporate Equality Index.

Additionally, the National Business Inclusion Consortium named Food Lion among the Best-of-the-Best corporations in America committed to diversity and inclusion for a fourth consecutive year.

Food Lion also supports nine internal business resource groups, comprised of associates committed to ensuring a sense of belonging for all associates in the organization.

Further, in September 2020, Food Lion announced it had made significant donations to long-standing community partners to support their work to racial equality and justice. All funding was earmarked for related initiatives, including scholarships and internships for Black and African-American students, education and social engagement in the Black and African-American community, census participation and voter registration, development of diverse suppliers, education for children on civil rights, police community relations, virtual town halls and community engagement series.

Additionally, Retail Business Services, the services company of Ahold Delhaize USA which includes Food Lion in its portfolio of grocers, announced that company President Roger Wheeler has joined the CEO Action for Diversity & Inclusion. “At Retail Business Services, we hold ourselves accountable for fostering an environment where all associates feel welcome and know they work for a company where they belong,” said Wheeler. : : info: foodlion.com. retailbusinessservices.com. CEOAction.com.

— Compiled by Lainey Millen

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qnotes

Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

Stroupe scholarship apps open PFLAG Greensboro’s Carter Stroupe Memorial Scholarship is now open to applicants. This is available to high school seniors and college or technical school undergraduates who reside in Guilford, Rockingham, Randolph or Alamance County, North Carolina. In order to qualify, applicants must sign and complete the application, provide a high school or GED transcript (sent by school) and/or a recent college or university transcript plus two reference letters from individuals other than family. A more comprehensive list is available online along with the application at bit. ly/3rT1my2. Deadline to apply is March 20.

info: pflaggreensboro.org.

‘Bama declares trans ID law unconstitutional In a U.S. District Court for Middle Alabama decision on Jan. 15, it was declared that the state’s transgender ID law was unconstitutional, RVA Magazine reported.

Alabama is one of eight states across the U.S. that still “require transgender people to undergo gender-affirmation surgery before they can get a state-issued identification that lists their correct gender identity.”

info: bit.ly/3dbEDJp.

Law firm joins Out Out Leadership welcomes the law firm Freshfields Bruckhaus Deringer (‘Freshfields’) as a new member company, representing the organization’s continued expansion into the legal sector.

info: outkleadership.com.

Pride expressed in Nick’ song Children’s classic and rebooted “Blues Clues & You” featured a song, “ABC Song with Blue!,” that highlighted all the letters of the alphabet. In the musical presentation, the letter “P” was said to be “full of Pride.” It was created in rainbow colors with other flags surrounding it representing the transgender, asexual, pansexual, intersex, gender-fluid communities and more, Deadline reported.

info: bit.ly/2ZgcVmv

Org reports on nB identities Out & Equal has prepared a report on the global history of nonbinary identities that traces nonbinary identities back to 2000 BCE and locates historical touch points of these identities. Download the history PDF at bit.ly/3b9TOQw. To read more on this, visit LGBTQ Nation’s website at bit.ly/3b0jO0M.

info: /bit.ly/2MXWDfL.

Vandy seeks older recruits Vanderbilt University has initiated its Social Networks, Aging, and Policy Study and is seeking participants from North Carolina, Alabama and Tennessee. The study focuses on relationships, health and aging. To qualify, participants must also be 50-76 years old and identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, nonbinary, or gender nonconforming.

info: bit.ly/3qkVflv.

Lez tech org seeks transformers Lesbians Who Tech & Allies, in partnership with Fast Company, are creating the Queer 50 — a list of queer women and non-binary individuals who are transforming the worlds of tech, business and beyond. Submit nominations to bit. ly/3b443py by Feb. 26 to be considered.

info: lesbianswhotech.org.

life

Out of the Closet and into the Cabinet Pete Buttigieg: Our First Openly Gay Secretary of Transportation

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eb. 3rd, the 45th day on the Georgian calendar, is a day full of monumental events in American history. Many of these moments continue to resonate with and impact the lives of American citizens.

On Feb. 3 in 1870 the State of Iowa ratified the 15th Amendment, declaring that the “right of [male] citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude.” A little over a century later on the same day in 1995, Eileen Collins — the U.S. Air Force’s first female flight instructor — became the first woman to pilot a space shuttle.

Fast forward to 2021— a turbulent time in American history — South Bend, Ind.’s Former Mayor Pete Buttigieg became the United States’ first openly gay cabinet member. Appointed by President Joseph Robinette Biden Jr., many Americans see Buttigieg’s appointment as a positive step on the road to a more progressive and inclusive America. It just may be, after all, as American history has had a long and ripe legacy of anti-racist efforts like the 15th Amendment laying the

By L’Monique King | Guest Contributor groundwork for expanding opportunities for all. Without that framework, the appointment of Pete Buttigieg (a military veteran and Rhodes scholar), might not be celebrated.

Prior to being appointed U.S. transportation secretary, the former Democratic presidential candidate’s history began in the Midwest where he grew up the only child of University of Notre Dame professors Anne and Joseph Buttigieg. Sadly, Pete’s dad passed away just days after his son announced his presidential candidacy in 2020. However, prior to his death, Joseph Buttigieg, along with his wife, did have the pleasure of witnessing numerous achievements already accomplished by their son Pete — many of which were not necessarily connected to being the first openly gay anything.

Peter Buttigieg’s academic career in higher education began with a Harvard University undergraduate degree in History and Literature. From there he went on to study Philosophy, Politics and Economics as an Oxford University Rhodes scholar. A few years later, Buttigieg would put much of that knowledge to the test

as an intelligence officer in the U.S. Navy Reserve from 2009 to 2017. Somehow, in the midst of all this, which included (according to ABC News) a seven-month deployment in Afghanistan, Buttigieg found time to nurture a personal life. Nearing the end of his first term as South Bend mayor, Buttigieg met his husband Chasten in 2015. In true Millennial fashion, they met via the Hinge dating app and were married three years later in 2018.

At only 29 years old and while still serving in the military, Buttigieg had already been elected South Bend, Ind. mayor.

Following his first term as mayor and in the middle of his bid for second term mayoral re-election, Pete Buttigieg publicly came out in a South Bend Tribune article.

He opened with: “Any day now, the Supreme Court will issue a decision on same-sex marriage that will directly affect millions of Americans. It comes at a time of growing public acceptance and support for equal rights. But no matter what the Court does, issues of equality are hardly settled across the country. Today it remains legal in most parts of Indiana (though not South Bend) to fire someone simply for being gay, and bullying still contributes to tragically high suicide rates among LGBT teens.”

Reifying the shifting tide of inclusion, Buttigieg garnered 80 percent of the votes, won that election and served a second term. With that win, Pete Buttigieg seemed to be on a political roll, or at least buoyed by a confidence that would propel him to continue seeking public office. That confidence was, undoubtedly, inspired by Americans who seemed to care more about his platform, track record and competency than they did his announcement of his sexual orientation.

Whatever the case or reason, Mayor Pete — as he’s been affectionately referred to — briefly ran for president in 2020 before dropping out of the race and endorsing Bernie Sanders.

The secretary‘s Twitter profile boasts that he will be “working to ensure safety and make transportation more equitable while fighting climate change and creating jobs.” What he’ll actually accomplish as Secretary of Transportation is yet to be seen. In the meantime, we will see if his dream of a more accepting and loving nation is realized. As he foreshadows in the closing of his “South Bend mayor: Why coming out matters” article, he imagines a day when his future children won’t understand why revealing he is gay was ever considered to be newsworthy. : :

Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

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life

Black, Queer and in the Pulpit Black LGBTQ Clergy Offer Support to Community at a Tough Time

by Chris Rudisill | qnotes contributor

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n the midst of battling systemic racism in our communities, criminal justice reform and LGBTQ alliance building, a pandemic rages on — one that disproportionately affects the Black community and LGBTQ people.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released a report this month detailing the underlying health conditions that increase the risk of contracting severe COVID-19 among sexual minorities. In a response by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), the organization’s president Alphonso David said, “This report affirms what LGBTQ advocates and organizations have known all along: that our community is at greater risk and disproportionately affected by the COVID-19 health crisis.”

HRC previously released a report showing that Black LGBTQ people are experiencing more adverse economic impact from the pandemic, and research has consistently shown that Black Americans are more likely to be hospitalized with COVID-19 and face higher fatality rates than their white counterparts.

Holding the community together could seem like a miracle.

As part of our Black History Month coverage, qnotes spoke with some of the Black LGBTQ and affirming leaders in the Carolinas. Interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity. To read more of the interviews, see this story on goqnotes. com/69042.

Minister Veronica Daughety Shack<LESS Physical and Spiritual Fitness Ministry Charlotte, N.C. Minister Veronica Daughety suffered greatly from obesity, low self-esteem and depression throughout her youth.

While she still battles with her weight, at 54-years-old, Daughety has now come to respect her body and believes she is in “the image of the Creator, which is absolutely magnificent.”

A native of New Jersey, Daughety graduated from Howard University in 1988 and has a combined 30 years of ministry in Newark, N.J., Washington, D.C., St. Petersburg, Fla. and Charlotte, N.C. Today, she works with youth and adults offering high intensity cardio combined with spiritual conversations and programs.

QN: What are you and your church

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Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

community working on? How are you serving the community during the pandemic?

Daughety: On March 27, in an effort to ensure that the community had a safe, compliant environment in which to still exercise and have weekly worship services, Shack<LESS shifted from monthly paid events to indoor and outdoor Saturday and weekday physical and spiritual fitness sessions, known as “Praisercise” with a live band. Temperature checks, social distancing and mandatory mask wearing are required for all events, and we’ve had zero outbreaks or presence of COVID-19 in our ministry.

QN: What are your biggest concerns for the LGBTQ community this year?

Daughety: Fear of movement! Fear of gathering to exercise! Obesity and coronavirus illness rates among these populations [racial and ethnic minorities] are tied to a number of factors, including access to healthy, affordable food and beverages, and safe, convenient places for physical activity. The CDC said their findings underscore the need to sort out systemic issues that create barriers to good health, both at the system and policy levels. Such fundamental change will take time.

QN: What guides you as a spiritual leader in the community? What inspires you?

Daughety: 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV) states “he asks, ‘Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.’”

Rev. Debra J. Hopkins Essentials for Life Ministry Charlotte, N.C. Rev. Debra J. Hopkins is a nationally recognized leader in the transgender community and the founder and senior pastor of Essentials for Life Ministries, an online ministry that “delivers messages of acceptance, hope, and love to the LGBTQ+ community.” She recently authored “Not Until You Have Walked In My Shoes: A Journey of Discovery and the Spirit of the Human Heart” and is the founder, president and CEO of There’s Still Hope, a transgenderled non-profit that provides transitional housing for homeless transgender adults, victims of domestic violence and transgender individuals released from incarcera-

tion in Mecklenburg County. She has three adult children and eight grandchildren.

QN: What are you and your church community working on? How are you serving the community during the pandemic?

Hopkins: Essentials for Life Ministries supports the work of There’s Still Hope in Charlotte to help seek solutions to remedy transgender adult homelessness.

QN: What are your biggest concerns for the LGBTQ community this year?

Hopkins: Social justice reform — one that provides legal equal protections and is implemented fairly.

QN: What guides you as a spiritual leader in the community? What inspires you?

Hopkins: My call to ministry is my strong faith in my religious commitment and beliefs. My call to help make a difference is tied to a favorite quote that inspires me every single day, “Voice for change,” and being that for the poor and most marginalized people in my community. Hope, for me, is biblical. It is the confident expectation of what God has promised, and its strength is in our Creator’s faithfulness.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.” Matthew 5:9 (KJV).

Bishop Tonyia M. Rawls Sacred Souls Community Church Charlotte, N.C. Bishop Tonyia M. Rawls is a national faith leader and social justice activist who has focused the majority of her work in the Southeastern United States fighting oppression and discrimination. In 2000, she founded Unity Fellowship Church Charlotte and in April 2008, was consecrated as one of the first women Bishops in the Unity Fellowship Church Movement’s history. In 2014, she founded Sacred Souls Community Church. She is co-founder of the Charlotte Clergy Coalition for Justice and the National Trans Religious Cohort.

She is also one of the leaders of the N.C. Moral Monday Movement which was created by Rev. Dr. William Barber II to combat injustice in the state. Bishop Rawls is a graduate of Duke University and sits on several local and national boards and advisory councils. She is the founder and executive director of The Freedom Center for Social Justice in Charlotte, N.C.

You can read Bishop’s Rawls’ reflections in an op-ed in this issue on page 4.

Minister Lenora Southerland Unity Fellowship Church Charlotte, N.C Minister Lenora Southerland has been an active member with Unity Fellowship Church since 2004, joining first in New Brunswick, N.J. under the leadership of Elder Pastor Kevin E. Taylor. Southerland then transitioned to a church in Newark, N.J. before relocating to Charlotte, N.C. currently serving as associate administrative minister and armor bearer to Bishop Jacquelyn Holland. Minister Southerland attended Newark School of Theology in 2011 and is currently enrolled in Thomas Edison State University where Southerland is pursuing a Bachelor’s degree in Social Science and Business Management.

QN: What are you and your church community working on? How are you serving the community during the pandemic?

Southerland: Unity Fellowship Church Charlotte has been instrumental as a beacon of love, support and spiritual upliftment for the marginalized and the disenfranchised community. We have several initiatives that support the community including our Brown Bag Ministry, which has served over 5,000 meals to unhoused communities. In addition, we have actively been serving senior citizens through a Thanksgiving dinner program and launched Souls to the Polls to transport LGBTQI senior citizens to cast their votes in recent elections. Lastly, we launched U.N.L.O.C.K. Prison Ministry to reach our Black and Brown sisters and brothers who have been incarcerated by the injustice of our judicial system.

QN: What are your biggest concerns for the LGBTQ community this year?

Southerland: One of my greatest concerns is the current situation of the pandemic and how the community is affected, with the limited availability and access to the vaccination. There is also a great need for laws to be created to support our transgender brothers and sisters. There have been too many assaults and deaths with little or no recourse for justice.

QN: What guides you as a spiritual see next page u

leader in the community? What inspires you?

Southerland: The one quote that I’m inspired by is from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. — “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.” I also have a great support system. My hope is to see equality, social justice and economic growth for the LGBTQI community.

Pastor Mykal Shannon Dynamic Faith Ministries Asheboro, N.C. For over 20 years, Pastor Mykal Shannon has advocated on behalf of the voices and people experiencing social injustices in the South. His work with the Poor People’s Campaign, “A National Call for a Moral Revival,” is an example of his commitment, and he is an activist for those on the fringes of society. He is one of four clergy leaders in the documentary “Proper Pronouns,” directed by Meg Daniels, and recently wrote the book “Trans Expressions, The Many Faces of My FTM Journey.”

QN: What are you and your church community working on? How are you serving the community during the pandemic?

Shannon: Due to safety measures currently adopted, we are making the shift to bring our ministry further into social media arenas and connecting with other likeminded faith spaces and organizations.

Our priority is working on community ministry collaborations. We have a weekly Bible study on Zoom and have recently added a new Zoom series of sensitive conversations in community with the Olive Branch Ministry in Hickory. We have talked about isolation in marginalized groups and other concerns centering around the disenfranchised populations during this pandemic, like mental health and grieving support for those in emotional crisis due to extended illness, loss of resources and loss of loved ones.

As a Black pastor of trans journey and experience, I have continued to advocate for social justice to help generate awareness and more solutions as all challenges are compounded due to COVID-19.

QN: What are your biggest concerns for the LGBTQ community this year?

Shannon: Some of the biggest concerns this year are no different than they have always been, especially for the transgender community: homelessness, medical coverage, sustainable living wage and access to the COVID-19 testing and vaccines.

The list can go on and on.

QN: What guides you as a spiritual leader in the community? What inspires you?

Shannon: I am guided and encouraged

by my very own mantra, “#ichoosetoBELIEVE.” This personal saying was established when I realized in order to help anyone in the most effective way, I had to decide who I was and what I believed.

After learning how to believe in myself and how to trust a God that others said was not mine to consider — I found my purpose in ministry.

Pastor Devonte Jackson New Faith Metropolitan Community Church Winston-Salem, N.C. Pastor Devonte Jackson knew at eight years old that his body did not match the gender he was supposed to be. He transitioned later in life, at the age of 35, because, as he says, “being trans and a person of color would not please [his] biological family,” and due to the lack of resources and information to even know where to begin. Jackson served in the U.S. Army Reserve for eight years before beginning his career in corporate security. He is married to Melissa Jackson. Jackson says he enjoys helping others and wants to give back to the community in which he lives, specifically the transgender and nonbinary community. He has served on several non-profit boards and is in the process of finishing his Bachelor of Arts degree in Criminal Justice. Jackson plans to then pursue his Master’s degree in Divinity.

QN: What are you and your church community working on? How are you serving the community during the pandemic?

Jackson: Anchored Ministries is our outreach ministry and we are collecting food items for the Triad Health Project to help with their food bank during this time. The church is also the Monica Helms Sponsor for Pride Winston-Salem Trans Pride.

QN: What are your biggest concerns for the LGBTQ community this year?

Jackson: My biggest concern for our LGBTQ community is the recognition of our Black and Brown communities this year and the number of Black and Brown people suffering lack of employment, housing and food.

QN: What guides you as a spiritual leader in the community? What inspires you?

Jackson: God guides me in being a spiritual leader in my community, in addition to the members and friends of New Faith MCC. As a Black trans man and a pastor, folks have questions as to why and how — I cannot help but, with joy in my heart, respond with God is love and He loved me so much that He sent his only begotten son to be the sacrifice for me. The scripture that I live by is from Philippians 4:13,

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

Bishop-Elect Roger Eugene Billingsley-Hayes ReNewal Fellowship United Church of Christ Winston-Salem, N.C. Bishop-Elect Roger Eugene BillingsleyHayes is the senior pastor for ReNewal Fellowship United Church of Christ. At 48-years-old, he has been preaching for 23 years and obtained his Bachelor of Science in Social Studies with a teaching certificate from Lees McRae. In 2013, he obtained his Master’s of Divinity from Wake Forest University.

QN: What are you and your church community working on? How are you serving the community during the pandemic?

Billingsley-Hayes: I think one of the most important things that we as a community can do, and as community leaders and spiritual and religious leaders, is to be responsible. We have attempted to try and do services, and we have made a conscious decision not to be back in church until probably at least May. We have partnered with local non-profits and with the City of Winston-Salem to provide meals to people in the community that are food-insecure. Since June, we have provided over 7,500 hot meals.

We are doing online services, and my husband and I do the services in the sanctuary — trying to emulate as much of our normal worship experience as virtually possible.

QN: What are your biggest concerns for the LGBTQ community this year?

Billingsley-Hayes: I have two big concerns.

The first one is HIV rates. People have various ways of dealing with stress, and we are living in such a stressful time. I’m also concerned about our brothers and sisters who are positive falling out of care. So much attention has been focused and placed on the pandemic — on vaccines and staying COVID free, that we forgot that there was a whole life happening before COVID. My other concern is the systemic racism that is still very present nationally, but also in the LGBTQ community. I think that is something that we don’t talk near enough about — we tend to be very racist in our community. We don’t do enough work around that, and we don’t speak to that.

QN: What guides you as a spiritual leader in the community? What i nspires you?

Billingsley-Hayes: I’m inspired the most by the possibility of creating greatness in and for others — seeing people rise to their ultimate maximum. There are people in my life today that have done that for me — have encouraged me to be the best me. : :

Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

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New Year, New Administration

Legal Eagles: LGBTQ Issues on the Rise

BY Kariss Frank, attorney | guest WRITER

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be exact. Such legs we rounded islation will amend the corner the Civil Rights Act into the new year, of 1964, prohibiting many of us were discrimination on hopeful that 2021 the basis of sexual would bring about orientation and gensome sort of relief der identity. Though from the chaos it is unclear if Biden and hardship will be able to accaused by the complish such a feat infamous 2020. within the desired Unfortunately timeframe, he has for the LGBTQ already shown his community, howcommitment to overever, the feeling turning legislation, of optimism was The Biden administration has begun working rules and regulashort-lived, as not toward protections for the LGBTQ community. tions enacted by the even two weeks (Photo by Alyssa via Abobe Stock) former administrainto the new year, tion which affect the LGBTQ protections rights of those within the LGBTQ community. were erased with a simple stroke of a pen.

On Jan. 20, Biden’s chief of staff, Ronald In the eleventh hour of the Trump adminKlain, issued a memorandum to the heads istration, the Department of Health and of all executive agencies and departments.

Human Services (DHHS) finalized a rule Such memorandum set forth that all rules which substantially impacts the LGBTQ that have been published in the Federal community’s rights to foster or adopt. The Register but that have not yet taken effect, rule, previously set to take effect on Feb. such as the new DHHS rule, will be post11, allows federally funded social-service poned for a period of 60 days to allow for providers, such as adoption and foster additional review under the new administracare agencies, to discriminate on the basis tion. Thereafter, on Biden’s first day in office, of sexual orientation and gender identity. he issued an executive order which built on How is the government able to accomthe landmark Supreme Court decision in plish such a devastating blow? DHHS has Bostock v. Clayton County, a ruling that the stated that the previous Obama administraTrump administration rejected in part. The tion regulations, which barred such discrimiexecutive order calls for each federal agency nation, are not based on statutes and that head to “review all existing orders, regulaPresident Barack Obama’s former policy tions, guidance documents, policies, prowas a violation of the First Amendment grams or other agency action” and consider and the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. whether revisions, suspension or rescisThe rule states in part, “[g]iven the careful sions are necessary to implement statutes balancing of rights, obligations, and goals in that prohibit discrimination on the basis of the public-private partnerships in Federal sexual orientation and gender identity. grant programs, the Department believes While the actions taken by the Biden it appropriate to impose only those nondisadministration appear to be a step in the crimination requirements required by the right direction, the executive order does Constitution and federal statutes applicable not set forth a concrete timeline that such to the Department’s grantees.” Simply put, agencies have to review and/or revise any only the protected classes specified by existing orders, regulations, guidance docuCongress or the Constitution make the cut. ments, policies, programs or other agency The rule references Title VI of the Civil Rights actions. As a result, the LGBTQ community Act, for example, which prohibits discriminais in a state of limbo until the DHHS rule, tion on the basis of race, color and national implemented at the beginning of this year, origin, but does not prohibit discrimination can be properly reviewed and the intended on the basis of religion or sex. meaning of the Bostock ruling — extending Therefore, the rule allows child placethe definition of discrimination on the basis ment agencies who receive federal funding of sex to include sexual orientation and to prevent same-sex couples from adoptgender identity — can be carried out. ing or fostering on the basis of their sexual Overall, though 2021 may not have orientation or gender identity, despite started out the way we envisioned, we can being otherwise qualified. Not only do such find solace in the measures that have been restrictions eliminate certain agencies as taken by the Biden administration so far a viable option for LGBTQ couples to grow to restore and extend protections to the their families, but many children who may LGBTQ community. As the year progresshave been placed with LGBTQ families (eies, we can look forward to watching as the ther temporarily or permanently) no longer new administration continues to address have that opportunity. longstanding discrimination against indiWhile it appears that in one fell swoop viduals, specifically, on the basis of sexual the Trump administration effectively limited orientation and gender identity — includLGBTQ couples’ ability to foster or adopt, ing those who have been affected by the there is a glimmer of hope that such obstrucDHHS rule. : : tions will be broken down under the Biden administration. President Joe Biden has Karris Frank is a family law attorney in pracvowed to enact the Equality Act within 100 tice with Sodoma Law in Charlotte, N.C. days of being sworn into office — April 30, to

qnotes

Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

SPONSORED CONTENT

Nutrition Education & Wellness Program Expansion of Services and Staff Brings More to Support Healthcare

Dudley’s Place is excited to announce the expansion of services and staff through the Nutrition Education and Wellness Program. Kim Kinnear MS, RDN, LD joins the team as the full time Clinical Dietitian, with over 25 years of experience, Kim is developing a robust nutarian program for clients.

“I am excited to join the team at Dudley’s Place.

After working with DEHC, moving to a non-profit/ clinical setting is a great challenge. The patientcentered medical home model is great to add nutrition health into a persons health plan” said Kinnear.

“Using a team of medical providers, we focus on getting to know our clients and earn their trust; we want our patients to know we care about you while caring for you.”

“Living with HIV can be difficult. We know that appropriate or a good diet and nutrition can support the immune system and aid life-saving medications.

Starting this program at Dudley’s Place is dream job.

We have spent a lot of time researching and listening to clients to see what their unique needs are and how I can help” stated Kinnear.

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“We are so excited to have this program at Dudley’s Place,” said Dale Pierce, executive director. “In working with Rosedale Health and Wellness, our patient-centered medical home is working to meet the complete needs of our clients. Nutrition is so important for newly diagnosed in managing changes to the body as a client starts treatment and helps to maintain compliance, as well as for our long term clients as we address the long term affects or other factors of living with HIV.” Dudley’s Place is currently looking for volunteers to help with Dudley’s Garden.

Dudley’s Garden helps patients receive a monthly supply of fresh, local and organically grown produce. The program helps clients gain a newfound appreciation of where food comes from and exposes them to new vegetables they may otherwise never tried. Novice to experienced gardeners are needed to help.

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Kim Kinnear MS, RDN, LD

Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

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life

The Matter of Black Lives

Health & Wellness: There is not Parity for Health and Wellness for Black People

BY Jack Kirven | qnotes contributor

I

wish I were preaching to the choir. As a white person who has heard white people talk, I know I am not. It is white people who still resist or refuse to recognize the myriad of struggles inherent to simply being Black in the United States that I would like to address in this entry. Empathy is vital to our wellness. According to wellright.com (bit.ly/3b0DK3u), this is because it improves socialization and emotional regulation. This means empathetic people are more pleasant to be around, enjoy broader and deeper interpersonal connections, and thus maintain lasting and loyal relationships that benefit the empathic person during good times and bad. Empathy lends itself to safety nets. A whole range of wellness benefits cascade from this. So, even if for only selfish reasons, it behooves you to be nicer to people whose situations you cannot fully appreciate.

In very overgeneralized terms and with very broad brushstrokes, I would like to discuss two specific medical issues that have an especially detrimental effect on Black people in this country. Those being hypertension and diabetes. I have literally heard white people dismissively say that Black people should “just get over slavery,” “stop playing the race card” and “eat better food.”

Hypertension (High Blood Pressure)

Hypertension drastically increases all sorts of other health risk factors. As I have written in the past about cortisol and inflammation (goqnotes.com/61597), extended bouts of stress of any kind wreak havoc on our bodies. The problem is that hypertension and stress create feedback loops. Each amplifies the other, and over time, quality and length of life can be greatly diminished.

For over a century, medical professionals and researchers have demonstrated that Black people are as much as 50 percent more likely than white people to develop hypertension. This exacerbates elevated risk factors for heart attacks and strokes, aneurisms, kidney failure, eye diseases, diabetes, dementia and compromised memory and cognition.

Researchers have pointed to some possible genetic factors.

But, when I read these reports, I am rather surprised that they seem to scratch their heads and wonder why they cannot more readily explain it all away with DNA. According to sciencedirect.com (bit.ly/3b0nv6q), across

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space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988

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Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

Studies show Black people are more likely than white people to develop hypertension. (Photo by Andrey Popov via Abobe Stock) all age groups and races, it is Black people who consistently suffer from hypertension at rates higher than all other racial populations.

Emotional duress raises blood pressure. White people, I am not telling you that you do not have stress or fear in your life. I am not telling you that you do not know struggle.

I am telling you that your whiteness does not itself specifically cause those challenges. Many Black people cannot trust that they are completely safe practically anywhere (not even in their own homes). The traumas of poverty, harassment from all sides, lack of opportunities and options, constantly having to work harder to achieve less, distrust of healthcare and any number of other hardships place many Black people in a position of being constantly inundated with cortisol, adrenaline and other stress hormones. There are dozens of microagressions white people are simply unaware of that Black people experience every day, so it is not helpful to cavalierly tell Black people to “chill out.”

Diabetes

Black people are already prone to diabetes as a result of hypertension; however, the traditional African-American diet (sometimes called Soul Food) plays a huge role as well.

As a nutrition coach, I ask people in their evaluations what kind of foods they crave. If someone tells me they crave chewy, mushy, gooey, creamy, fatty and/or oily foods, I

immediately look for red flags connected to fear, stress or depression. The texture of these foods remind us at a fundamental level of mothers’ breasts, and they console us.

There really are literal comfort foods. Also, crunchy foods can be an indication of anxiety, which is easy to understand if you connect that mouthfeel to nail biting or clicking, teeth grinding, joint cracking, mindless finger drumming or tapping, leg bouncing and fidgeting.

What kinds of foods fit that description of mushy and/or crunchy? Mashed potatoes, heavy gravies and sauces, fatty meats, cooked-to-mush vegetables, pie, cake, ice cream, soft cheeses, pasta, bread, various types of candy, crispy bacon, fried foods, cookies, chips and the list goes on. Anyone of any race might want these foods. That is obviously not an inherently Black trait. However, there are reasons for these types of foods being stereotypically associated with Black folks and their diets.

Aside from the historical fact that Black people often did not have access to more nutritious foods, today many impoverished areas do not have grocery stores. These are now commonly referred to as “food deserts,” and they sometimes offer nothing better than what can be had at fast food joints, gas stations and convenience stores. And before you suggest the residents of these places just drive to a grocer, try doing that on the bus in North Carolina to see how convenient it will be.

The emotional connection to the tradition of Soul Food is its own matter (and not really what I am criticizing per se), but the practical present situation where many Black people literally cannot buy healthy food is of critical importance here.

Between hypertension, physical unavailability of healthful diet options and systemic racism permeating practically every institution, it is not only unreasonable, but also insensitive and ignorant, for white people to presume Black people simply do not care about their health. This, paired with the notion that Black people are somehow superhuman in terms of bearing physical, emotional and psychological stressors, combines to create a conundrum in which many Black people are not given the opportunity to achieve and maintain good health and sound wellness. : : Jack Kirven completed the MFA in Dance at UCLA, and earned certification as a personal trainer through NASM. His wellness philosophy is founded upon integrated lifestyles as opposed to isolated workouts. Visit him at jackkirven.com and INTEGRE8Twellness.com.

a&e

Relationships, Relationships, Relationships!

Tell Trinity

BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Hey Trinity, How do you know if a relationship is going to live or die?

Yours, Last One or Lasting, Detroit, MI Hey Last One or Lasting, Relationships truly have no guarantees, not even in court. A relationship may last a day or a lifetime (depending on the bartender). Also, a relationship that does work only really works one day at a time anyway. A partner can cheat, run away, get sick, go crazy or they can even die. So, darling, make the best of each day and each relationship. Oh, and always keep some vodka and martini mix on hand because sometimes your best relationship is a good stiff martini.

Love, Trinity Dear Trinity, I was recently called a “stalker.” What’s the difference between stalking someone and just being aggressive in a healthy way? I thought I knew the difference.

Sincerely, Stalk Talk, Dallas, TX

Dear Stalk Talk, People love attention but only at their own pace. Courting someone means giving him or her a choice… and some candy.

Stalking someone means taking their choice away and making their life feel sour. Stalking also means making yourself a criminal.

So, pumpkin, when you hear “no” a third time and you’re still obsessing, it’s time for therapy, not another stalking tactic (those who stalk must pay the consequences as my cartoon shows).

Good Luck, Trinity Hello Trinity, After a year of serious dating and, recently, a lot of fighting, my boyfriend now “just wants to be friends until we stop fighting.” Can we be friends? And how can I get him back?

Fighting or Friends, Wichita, KS Hello Fighting or Friends, When two people are constantly fight-

ing, one eventually must make a dramatic move in order to save everyone. Thus, being “friends” for a while may be healthier than you think. Now, instead of focusing on the word “friends,” think “partners working things out.” Before going crazy, let yourself go and celebrate that he’s trying “friendly” ways to work things out. Oh, and honey, besides couples counseling, invite him on some “friendly” dates where you don’t bring up the past and try to remember why you started dating in the first place.

XOXO, Trinity

Dearest Trinity, I met someone a couple weeks ago. We slept together and went out a few times. I know he’s definitely not for me for many reasons.

How do I kindly tell him goodbye?

Thanks, Getting Out Kindly, Montreal, Quebec Dearest Getting Out Kindly, This task has never been easy for anyone. So, sweetie, sit down and start rehearsing:

Trinity’s Kind Tips For Breaking Up With Someone (including the unkind truth)

1. I can’t go out with you anymore because I’m still in love with my ex (who’s been dead for three years)!

2. I have to end our relationship because I’m having some personal problems that need attention (which includes dealing with you)!

3. I’ve decided to stop dating right now because I just found out that I’m changing jobs and moving soon (like, in five years)!

4. I must take a break from “us” because you’re too good for me (at being unappealing, negative and selfish)!

5. I need to stop dating for a while because I have some health needs to focus on (like the way I feel when I’m with you)!

6. I don’t want to date you right now because I feel like you’re very different than me (and most humans)!

7. I want to wait before dating more because I’m not ready to get involved with anyone right now (especially you)!

8. I must stop seeing you because I don’t feel like it’s working right now (or ever)!

9. I would like to take a breather from dating because I’m really not getting what I need (like, anything at all)!

10. L astly, I want to stop seeing you for a bit because this is not what I had hoped for (i.e. boredom, bad sex and lousy conversations)! : : With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.

Feb. 19-March 4, 2021

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Screen Savor: Unwelcome Wagon A Review of the David France Film ‘Welcome to Chechnya’ Gregg Shapiro | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

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ay writer and documentary filmmaker David France has a knack for uncovering and bringing attention to subjects that deserve it. His 2004 book, “Our Fathers: The Secret Life of the Catholic Church in an Age of Scandal,” shone a bright light on the priesthood sex scandal (including Boston) more than 10 years before the Oscar winning movie “Spotlight.” France’s 2012 documentary and subsequent 2016 book, “How to Survive a Plague,” took a unique approach to the subject of the AIDS crisis. His timely, and somewhat controversial documentary, “The Death and Life of Marsha P. Johnson,” from 2017 focused on the important role of the transgender community in the LGBTQ movement.

France once again makes the most of timing with his difficult-to-watch but necessary documentary “Welcome to Chechnya” (Music Box Films/HBO Documentary Films), now available on DVD and digital download. Beginning with the disclaimer, “for their safety, people fleeing for their lives have been digitally disguised,” France then introduces us to David Isteev, the Russian LGBT Network’s Crisis Response Coordinator, who is on the phone with “Anya,” a 21-year-old Chechen lesbian whose life is in danger. From that point on, we watch as Isteev makes plans to rescue the woman.

Under the radical right-wing leadership of maniacal ruler and Kremlin-backed strongman Ramzan Kadyrov, mass detention, torture and murder of LGBT people has become a common occurrence in Chechnya, a closed society with its own customs and language. Being gay is

Chechen youth from a scene in ‘WELCOME TO CHECHNYA.’ (Photo courtesy of Music Box Films) considered a disgrace in Chechnya, a shame so great that it can only be washed away by blood, leading many to kill their own gay family members.

In addition to seeing the labors of Isteev, we meet Olga Baranova, director of the Moscow Community Center for LGBT+ Initiatives, who is also involved in rescue and relocation efforts. The mother of young Filip, Olga used to work in advertising. We can see the toll the work takes on her and how she will eventually become an activist “casualty.”

At the racing heart of “Welcome to Chechnya” is a terrifying real-life thriller unfolding before our eyes involving “Grisha,” 30, a Russian event planner working in Chechnya,

who was abducted and tortured for being gay. Reunited with his boyfriend “Bogdan,” 29, they are moved into a secret shelter set up in Moscow, until they can be relocated to another country where it will be safe for them to be gay.

In addition to seeking asylum for himself and “Bogdan” and helping his family relocate because they have been receiving death threats, “Grisha” wants to take legal action to fight for the truth and his rights.

At a press conference, “Grisha,” described as a victim who filed a criminal complaint, speaks publicly for the first time. He is introduced by his real name — Maxim Lapunov — and the “digital disguise” dissolves. With his lawsuit filed against Chechen government, he becomes the symbol of the anti-gay purge. As they adjust to life in their new country, Maxim and “Bogdan” will be hiding in one way or another for the rest of their lives.

Interspersed throughout is video footage obtained by LGBTQ activists showing violent assaults, rapes and murders of gay men and lesbians. As the gay purge spreads to Ingushetia and Dageston, it becomes clear that anyone can find themselves in the shoes of gay Chechens. If there is any good news, it’s that 151 people have been settled abroad (44 to Canada and zero to the U.S. during the Trump administration) by the Russian LGBT Network during the first two years of the purge. Language is in Russian, Chechen and English with English subtitles. No bonus features available. : : Rating: B+

‘Eleanor’ Out in Print

BY terri schlichenmeyer | CONTRIBUTING WRITER “Eleanor”

by David Michaelis ©2020, Simon & Schuster $35.00 698 pages

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ife, as they say, is an open book.

When you’re born, someone else starts writing it for you, but it doesn’t take long for you to be your own

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author. Through the years, you’ll scribble ideas, compose thoughtfully, add chapters and crumple pages. Your life’s book might be a series of quick notes, long essays, one-liners or, as in “Eleanor” by David Michaelis, you could build an epic story.

In today’s world, we might call Eleanor Roosevelt’s mother abusive: Anna Hall Roosevelt never had a kind word to say to her daughter, often mockingly calling little Eleanor “Granny.” It’s true that Eleanor wasn’t lithe and beautiful like her mother; she was awkward and stern, a daddy’s girl for an often-absent, alcoholic father.

Orphaned by the time she was 12, Eleanor had been long-told that she was homely and plain but school chums knew her as a caring girl with a sharp mind. That intelligence later caught the eye of the dashing Franklin Roosevelt, a somewhatdistant cousin who courted her with the nose-holding approval of his mother.

It was a good match, but only for a short while: too quickly, it was apparent that Eleanor and Franklin were colossally mismatched. She needed him to need her but he couldn’t — ­ not in the way she wanted, so she found love in the arms of another man and a woman. Her compassion for others, a rather acquired sense, helped buoy Franklin’s ambition; his ambition gave her a reason to dig in and reach out to their fellow Americans in need.

Despite that it invited controversy from Washington insiders, Eleanor changed the office of the First Lady by ignoring what

past First Ladies had done, once they reached the White House and beyond.

Readers who are not deep historians are in for many layers of surprise inside “Eleanor,” the first being Eleanor’s early life, and the racism she exhibited as a young woman. Famously, she was a champion of African-Americans during the years of her husband’s time as president and beyond, and she strove for equality, but author David Michaelis shows a sort of axis of attitude that the former First Lady experienced.

His portrayal is balanced with compassion: Michaelis lets us see a transformation in the pages of this book and it’s fascinating to watch. Rather than romanticize Eleanor, Michaelis paints her as someone with flaws that she may not have overtly acknowledged but that she learned to work around. This becomes abundantly clear in tales of the warmth Eleanor craved but was denied by her husband and the relationships she enjoyed in open secret, including a passionate love she shared with reporter Lorena Hickock and a muchdebated possible affair with State Trooper Earl Miller. Such tales are told matter-offactly and without salaciousness, though you may feel a whoop of delight at a supposedly-staid Depression-era White House that really was a den of dalliance.

Don’t let its heft frighten you away: “Eleanor” may be wide, but so is its story.

Indeed, you’ll be carried away when you open this book. : :

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Growing Up Queer The Gay South

By Buck Jones | Guest Contributor

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and David Banner struggling ack then, escape was just on “The Hulk” to free himself a bike ride away down a from its grip. It taught me sandy path. that no matter how rich or I could ride down the how strong you appeared, street, cut behind the Lains; quicksand was something place following the clearing that you didn’t mess around where the utility lines ran with. No, sir. through the pine trees, and But perhaps my greatest in five minutes be at a sandy anxiety was an interlocking clearing, shielded by palmetto one, a deep-seated realization grass and scrub pines, with a that one reality was in diaview down to the lake. Not that metric opposition to another my private spot was lacking in supposed irrefutable fact, its share of risks. and that I had no control over Earlier that summer of my either. As a kid going to church 12th year I had seen an episode every Sunday, and then during of “That’s Incredible!” where the week for Wednesday night John Davidson, with his beautiBuck Jones at home in Paris. potlucks, and of course there ful green eyes, reported on was Vacation Bible School in how a teenager in Canada had the summers, everyone was constantly talking about Jesus spontaneously combusted while working outside on his coming back. The rapture. Oh, he was coming back all parents’ farm. I stopped drinking from my Coca-Cola for right, and it would be just. Like. That! A twinkling of an eye, a second, not believing what I was hearing. Sure enough, I was assured. When you least expected it! In my impresafter looking up “spontaneous human combustion” in the sionable child’s mind, Jesus was like some sort of celestial family encyclopedia, I now had a new fear to add to my Mr. Furley who was going to come barging through our ever-growing list of things to cause worry. front door, breaking up any fun we were having, like on That list of phobias also included the apparently very “Three’s Company.” real risk of slowly being engulfed in quicksand. I grew All of which was terrifying enough, mind you. But up in the South, where sand was the only kind of soil I added to that was a new wrinkle of concern from one of really knew about, being fed a steady diet of Mr. Howell the Christian tracts our Sunday School gave away to us being dragged down in quicksand on “Gilligan’s Island,”

kids like spiritual candy. “Chick tracts” were these little comic book-style pamphlets, pocket sized, with titles such as “The Poor Little Witch,” “The Visitors,” and “The Gay Blade” to warn about the dangers of witchcraft (duh!), of false religions like the Mormons and of homosexuals.

When I read the ones about how awful the gays were, I had a sinking suspicion it was talking about me. My secret crush on my classmate in homeroom, Noel MacMillan with his curly blond hair, was a sin.

Looking back, I think I picked my private little hideaway because it reminded me of one of the scenes from the flannelgraphs used by Mrs. Thomas, my Sunday School teacher. Jesus was standing in a sandy clearing surrounded by his followers, teaching about loving one another, miraculously feeding everyone from loaves of bread and some fish. It was such a fantastic story, and it made me feel like this Jesus was someone who might accept me, even if I had these feelings for Noel MacMillan and for “The Six Million Dollar Man” Steve Majors.

It didn’t hurt that this patch of a clearing, so close and yet so far from home, gave me a view of the watering hole where Noel and his friends would swim, splashing each other and sunbathing on the pontoon raft anchored out past the slide. The raft was just beyond the delineation of the safety area, with its multicolored buoyed string bobbing gently in the water of the lake, in deeper water. That pontoon was a place that those athletic kids, without a care in the world, could escape to. While from my hidden plot, with all of my many worries, I could watch, and imagine myself, if for only for a brief moment, swimming out there and joining them on that wonderful raft. : :

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