Feb. 7-20, 2020
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Feb. 7-20, 2020
inside this issue
Feb. 7-20, 2020 Vol 34 No 21
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Kode Brown, Mykah Buff, Louis Ghiraldi, Devon Hunter, Kendra R. Johnson, Lainey Millen, Stanley Popovich, Chris Rudisill, Rev. Dr. Joan Saniuk, Trinity
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Graphic Design by Chris Rudisill Photography/Illustration: (polygraph) serhiibobyk; (love & lust) irina_levitskaya via Adobe Stock Mission:
The focus of QNotes is to serve the LGBTQ and straight ally communities of the Charlotte region, North Carolina and beyond, by featuring arts, entertainment, news and views content in print and online that directly enlightens, informs and engages the readers about LGBTQ life and social justice issues. Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc., dba QNotes P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x201 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media, ph 212.242.6863 Managing Editor: Jim Yarbrough, x201, editor@goqnotes.com Assoc. Editor: Lainey Millen, specialassignments@goqnotes.com Copy Editor: Maria Dominguez Production: Lainey Millen, x205, production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper. Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2020 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.
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Are you registered to vote? Do you think LGBTQ issues are being discussed enough in politics?
10 Lie Detector Tests Becoming More Common Among LGBTQ Community
Be a part of Turn OUT, qnotes new project that looks at the state of the LGBTQ vote. Take our survey today at goqnotes.com.
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SEE ENC AND HRC DINNER STORIES ON PAGES 4-5 FOR MORE ON WHAT IS BEING DONE ON ELECTIONS AND CHAMPIONING LGBTQ EQUALITY.
6 Carolinas Show Rankings in HRC C EI 6 Some Sexual Minority Adults in the U.S. Identify As Queer 6 News Briefs
a&e
Tiny Houses, Part 2
15 First Gay Rom-Com Premieres On Freeform 16 Tell Trinity
life 5 HRC marks 25 years in the Carolinas 8 Big Impact, Small Footprint 13 A Valentine’s Day Poem 19 Our People: Linton Walker, Jr.
qnotes continues coverage on the tiny house movement in Colorado that is offering a solution to offset the issue of homelessness among veterans. The innovative approach is giving residents of communities a chance to thrive in a specially designed home that takes into consideration the special needs of veterans.
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views 4 Political Voices: Equality North Carolina – Our Road Map For 2020 12 Spiritual Reflections: Oh God, Oh God, Oh God! 12 Mental Health: Ending Your Life Not The Answer
events
Our People: Linton Walker, Jr.
Entrepreneur Linton Walker, Jr. has set his sights on helping to bring awareness and a positive attitude toward those with HIV/AIDS with the creation of products tailored to those affected, family and friends.
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18 Rouge 18 You Think You Can Bark
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Feb. 7-20, 2020
qnotes
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Equality North Carolina: Our Road Map For 2020 Political Voices
BY Kendra R. Johnson, Equality North Carolina Executive Director | CONTRIBUTING WRITER
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t’s hard to overemphasize the importance of the elections this year taking place across our state. From the entire North Carolina General Assembly to the Governor’s Mansion to your local Board of Education, the number of races on this year’s ballot are nothing short of massive. Not to mention our congressional and presidential contests. North Carolinians have a crucial opportunity in 2020 to elect pro-equality legislators and change the course of history for this state — and America. We are living in dire and terrifying times for some of our community’s most vulnerable members — particularly transgender and gender-non-conforming (GNC) people of color and other individuals living at Participants gather at an Equality North Carolina Charlotte Chapter meeting. (Photo Credit: Equality North Carolina) the margins. These voters deserve leaders committhoughts and opinions about the electoral process are imBeyond just voting for the right folks, it’s on all of us to ted to creating a more portant to ENC, and will help guide the decisions we make roll up our sleeves and get into the trenches of the elecequitable and safer world for them to live, work and raise throughout the course of 2020. toral process. Change isn’t going to happen by relying on families. We all deserve lived equality. This Saturday, Feb. 8, is also the 14th Annual Historic others to put in the work — your voice, time and energy That’s why Equality North Carolina (ENC) is putting so Thousands on Jones Street (HKonJ) People’s Assembly matter and are crucial parts of this process. much work into our endorsement process this year. On Moral March on Raleigh! ENC will be marching and Throughout 2020, Equality North Carolina is building Jan. 21, we released our first round of endorsements for organizing a cohort that will meet at the LGBT Center of out chapters across our state dedicated to establishing the North Carolina House and Senate and select seats in Raleigh at 8:30 a.m. Sign up on our Facebook page or and sustaining communities of pro-equality voters. With the Council of State and the U.S. Congress. We will conplease contact katherine@equalitync.org. such a massive amount of ground to cover, we’re only as tinue to release more endorsements in the coming weeks HKonJ is an annual assembly where thousands of people strong as our volunteers and everyday citizens who feel and months, and you can stay up to date on our website rally against racial hatred and discrimination and march toward called to put in the work. and social media channels. a society where all individuals have equal rights. It’s organized Currently, we have functioning chapters in the Triangle Each election cycle, our political action committee by the North Carolina NAACP and is an important day for and Charlotte-Mecklenburg areas. We’re working on creatmakes careful and meaningful choices surrounding who progressive groups committed to racial equity and liberation to ing a chapter for the Triad and, down the road, we’re hoping we decide to endorse as an organization. These endorsecome together for a demonstration of solidarity and support. to create chapters in the Western and Eastern parts of our ments are informed by an intersectional commitment to Throughout 2020, we will continue to use this monthly state. Each of these chapters has its own Facebook group LGBTQ equality coupled with a desire for more diverse column with qnotes as a tool to keep you updated on our connected to the ENC page and is overseen by a local civic representation in the halls of our government, i.e., more work and events — but also as a way to help you get inengagement coordinator. The project as a whole is overwomen, more people of color, more transgender and volved. We all need to get engaged this year. Whether you seen by our new Director of Civic Engagement and Politics GNC folks, immigrants and more working class people. It’s are using your voice, time or resources, invest them in the Jessica Hulick. If you’re interested in getting involved in this important to our entire staff and board that our friends future of this state that we call our home. process, you can contact her at jessica@equalitync.org. and supporters make informed decisions when they walk It’s on all of us to help build the North Carolina that we These local chapters are important in not only helpinto the voting booth. We hope you’ll take these endorsewant to see for our friends, or families, and ourselves. ing transform the political infrastructure of our state, but ments into consideration and do your own research when We’ll see you out there. : : creating space for you to have your voice heard. Your deciding who to vote for this year.
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qnotes
Feb. 7-20, 2020
life
HRC marks 25 years in the Carolinas A Quarter of a Century Championing LGBTQ Rights By Chris Rudisill | QNOTES CONTRIBUTOR event? What is the theme of this year’s event? HRC: 2020 marks the 25th anniversary of the Human Right Campaign (HRC) North Carolina Dinner. To mark a milestone, the Charlotte Dinner Committee has been hard at work contacting prior co-chairs of the event in hopes they will return with friends and supporters for the dinner this year. At the event itself, we’ll be joined by HRC’s new President Alphonso David who will share updates on HRC’s work to further LGBTQ equality across the country. We will be announcing a full line of speakers as we get closer to the event —keep an eye on our Facebook page (facebook.com/ hrccharlotte) for updates. CR: What is the financial goal for this year’s event? How does the Carolinas gala rank in terms of other state fundraisers for HRC? HRC: The actual financial goal for this year’s event is confidential, however the HRC North Carolina Dinner is our largest annual fundraising event. Historically, the HRC North Carolina Dinner has been the largest LGBTQ fundraiser in the Carolinas both in terms of attendees and dollars raised. CR: How many people do you expect to attend? HRC: Our goal and expectation is around 950 attendees.
teers, mobilize constituents, register voters and grow the organization’s grassroots army in an all-out effort to pull the emergency brake on the hateful anti-LGBTQ agenda of the Trump-Pence administration and elect a Congress that would hold them accountable. CR: What opportunities are still available to be part of the event? HRC: We are still seeking Table Captains — the idea here is to commit to buying a ticket and filling the rest of your table (additional nine tickets purchased by the TC’s friends, family, etc.). Tickets are still available at hrcclt.org and will be available through Friday Feb. 21. We also need volunteers to help at the dinner itself and other events over the weekend; they can email volunteers@hrccarolina.org to sign up. Several events taking place over the weekend include a Takeover Friday event at City Lights Rooftop on Feb. 21, Yoga with Mimosas & Brunch at Kali Yoga in NoDa on Saturday, Feb. 22, an “After After Party” at Bar Argon after the HRC dinner on Feb. 22 and a Recovery Drag Brunch for Equality on Sunday Feb. 23 at Letty’s on Shamrock. All information about this can be found on the website (hrcclt. org) and our Facebook page (facebook.com/hrccharlotte). CR: Over the past several years, there has been additional scrutiny put on non-profit activist organizations that say galas and dinners are out of touch and inaccessible to those very people working the hardest on the streets. I completely understand the balance here and the need for fundraisers to support the important work, but how is the local committee and/or HRC addressing the needs to connect to activists and advocates who might otherwise not have the money to attend such an event? How are you ensuring that the event represents the community it serves? HRC: In order to make the HRC dinner more accessible to those who want to support the community, we have fellowship opportunities available to financially support individuals who are interested in attending. In exchange for committing to become involved with HRC locally (i.e., staff Pride events across N.C. and S.C., join our Steering Committee, canvas and work phone banks, etc.), we offer discounted and/ or free tickets on a first come, first serve basis and based on need as demonstrated in the fellowship application. The application is also available on the website dinner page.
CR: Can you tell me a little about the cochairs and any key committee members? HRC: The HRC North Carolina Dinner Committee is led this year by two co-chairs from the HRC Charlotte Steering Committee (April Splawn and Lee Robertson) and directed by a dinner liaison from the HRC Charlotte Board of Governors (Louis Kemp). Human Rights Campaign President Alphonso David will be in attendance at The overall committee itself the North Carolina Dinner. (Photo Credit: Human Rights Campaign) is comprised of nearly 20 volunteers working on important tasks such as engaging table he Human Rights Campaign (HRC) celebrates 25 captains and driving ticket sales, securing years of holding a fundraiser in the Carolinas on Feb. corporate sponsor commitments, silent 22. The event, now called the North Carolina Dinner and live auction, Federal Club/major donor & Silent Auction, was started during a pivotal year for the events, city host events, volunteer engageorganization. In 1995, under the leadership of Executive ment and more. Director Elizabeth Birch, the organization changed its name and branding, launching the now uber-popular CR: HRC worked tirelessly on get-out-theyellow equal sign on a blue background. The organizavote events and pro-equality advertisetion’s marketing was greatly expanded which likely laid the ment in North Carolina prior to the govergroundwork for its massive growth over the next 25 years. nor’s race in 2016 which helped defeat Gov. According to its website, “When Human Rights Campaign [Pat] McCrory. What issues should North Fund (HRCF) was founded in 1980, it was primarily a fund Carolinians be aware of that HRC is curfor supporting pro-fairness congressional candidates. The rently working on? rebranding in 1995 announced to the country that, in the HRC: In the 2018 midterms, HRC helped regwords of Birch, ‘We’re so much more than a fund.’” ister more than 32,000 voters and recruited With years of Jesse Helms, a 2012 constitutional samemore than 4,200 volunteers, who worked sex marriage ban known as Amendment One and HB2, it over 8,500 shifts and clocked more than is no doubt that North Carolina has been at the epicenter 30,000 volunteer hours. of HRC’s work several times. In an email, Birch said “there In the critical final four days of the camhave been so many brave souls that have done real battle paign, HRC staff and volunteers in get-outin North Carolina.” the-vote efforts alone knocked on more than qnotes had an opportunity to speak with national staff 80,000 doors, and held 36,400 conversations members and the regional co-chairs. The following interwith voters at their doors and by phone on view was with Louis Kemp, Board of Governors member behalf of our endorsed candidates. and Viet Tran, national press secretary via email. HRC’s unprecedented grassroots moNorth Carolina Dinner co-chairs April Splawn and bilization represented an investment of Chris Rudisill: First off, it’s the 25th anniversary of the Lee Robertson. (Photo Credit: HRC Carolina) approximately $26 million to recruit volunNorth Carolina Dinner, what can guests expect at the
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As a note, the dinner is just one of the events HRC puts on throughout the year in the Carolinas. Keep an eye on qnotes’ Facebook page to hear about other opportunities like volunteering at Pride, joining in on Beers for Equality or getting out the vote. : :
Feb. 7-20, 2020
qnotes
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BRIEFS
news Carolinas show rankings in HRC CEI DAVOS, Switzerland — At an event hosted by the Partnership for Global LGBTI Equality during the annual meeting of the World Economic Forum, Human Rights Campaign (HRC) President Alphonso David announced that a record 686 of America’s leading companies and law firms were continuing to advance policies and practices to protect their LGBTQ workers — both at home and abroad, according to the HRC Foundation’s newly-released 2020 Corporate Equality Index (CEI). In the 2020 index, the highest number of companies in the CEI’s 18-year history earned top scores of 100 in the survey, the nation’s top measure of LGBTQ workplace inclusion, besting last year’s total of 572 by more than 100. These companies — including 214 Fortune 500 companies and 123 of the nation’s top 200 law firms — were designated a Best Place to Work for LGBTQ Equality. Their efforts on behalf of their LGBTQ workers come at a time when the Trump-Pence administration is continuing its sustained attack on LGBTQ people — from a “license to discriminate” order targeting LGBTQ people as they go about their daily lives to proposing federal regulations to remove protections for LGBTQ employees of federal contractors. These companies have additionally weighed in on global equality and paid family leave. For the first time, HRC this year gave special recognition to the 11 companies that earned top marks on all three of HRC’s workplace equality assessments: the CEI, as well as Equidad MX and Equidad CL. HRC’s Equidad program recognizes Latin American companies and U.S. multinational companies for their work in Mexico and Chile. “Transforming industry and society takes more than any one organization alone. It takes consistent and sustained effort to overcome longstanding injustices that are codified in bodies of law or embedded in dominant cultural norms,” said Lindsay-Rae McIntyre, Microsoft Chief Diversity Officer. “The Corporate Equality Index sets forth a common standard that I hope all organizations embrace — challenging us to constructively disrupt systems, drive change within our business and the places where we do business — to be more fair, more caring and more human.” More than 260 top businesses — including 191 that earned top scores on the CEI — are also corporate supporters on the Equality Act. While the Supreme Court decides whether LGBTQ people are protected by federal employment non-discrimination law, these companies hold the line for their employees and their families. Carolinas companies that received a perfect score are: BB&T Corp. (now Truist) (Winston-Salem), Cargo Transporters Inc (Claremont), Duke Energy Corp. (Charlotte), Food Lion (Salisbury), GlaxoSmithKline LLC (Research Triangle Park), Laboratory Corporation of America Holdings (Burlington), Lenovo (United States) Inc. (Morrisville), Lowe’s Companies Inc. (Mooresville), Mitchell Gold + Bob Williams (Taylorsville), Moore & Van Allen PLLC (Charlotte), Ogletree, Deakins, Nash, Smoak & Stewart (Greenville, S.C.), Quaintance-Weaver Management, LLC (Greensboro), Replacements Ltd. (McLeansville), Retail Business Services (Salisbury), Reynolds American Inc. (WinstonSalem), VF Corp. (Greensboro) and Womble Bond Dickinson (US) LLP (Winston-Salem). Other companies scored included: Advance Auto Parts (Advance Holding) (Raleigh) 90, Alliance One InternatIonal (Morrisville) 30, Bank of America Corp. (Charlotte) 75, Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Carolina (Durham) 45, Compass Group USA Inc. (Charlotte) 80, Denny’s Corp. (Spartanburg) 75, Ingersoll-Rand Company (Davidson) 90, Nelson Mullins Riley & Scarborough LLP (Columbia) 75, Nucor Corp. (Charlotte) 20, Quintiles Transnational (Durham) 0, Relias LLC (Morrisville) 80, Sealed Air Corp. (Charlotte) 0, Sonic Automotive Inc. (Charlotte) 0 and Sonoco Products Company (Hartsville) 45. Over the last several years, CEI-rated companies have expanded their support for transgender workers. This year 89 percent of companies participating in the CEI offer at least one healthcare policy that is inclusive of their transgender workers, and 85 percent met stringent criteria that requires all blanket exclusions of medically-necessary care for transgender workers be removed from all health policies the company offers — up from 73 percent last year. The full report is available online at hrc.org/cei. info: hrc.org. — Compiled by Lainey Millen
Six percent of sexual minority adults in the U.S. identify as queer LOS ANGELES, Calif. — An estimated 6 percent of sexual minority adults in the U.S. identify as queer, according to a new study, entitled “Exploring the Q in LGBTQ: Demographic characteristic and sexuality of queer people in a U.S. representative sample of sexual minorities,” by the Williams Institute at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Law. Those who identify as queer are overwhelmingly cisgender women or genderqueer/non-binary (GQNB); they are also younger and more highly educated than other sexual minorities. Researchers examined a representative sample of sexual minorities in the U.S. from three age groups — young (18-25), middle (3441), and older (52-59) — to determine the demographics and sexuality of people who identify as queer, compared to those who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or as other sexual minority identities. In terms of sexuality, queer individuals are more likely than other sexual minorities to report attraction to, and sexual relationships with, transgender and GQNB people, though differences emerge by gender identity. “We find in this study that queer individuals make up a sizable proportion of sexual minorities, who are distinct in a number of important ways from other sexual minority people, both in terms of demographic characteristics and sexuality, and across gender identity. Additional research is needed to fully understand this population,” said lead author Shoshana K. Goldberg, a research consultant at the Williams Institute. “The term ‘queer’ has a long history with different connotations for sexual minorities,” said study author Ilan H. Meyer, Distinguished Senior Scholar of Public Policy at the Williams Institute. “Some older people learned it as a derogatory term, but later it was claimed by academics as a critical term and field of study, and some young people may perceive it as an identity that is more fluid than ‘lesbian’ and ‘gay.’ Queer identity seems to represent greater openness to partners of all gender identities.” info: williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu. — Compiled by Lainey Millen
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qnotes
Feb. 7-20, 2020
Moral March includes LGBTQ activists
The 1000STRONG initiative is the hopedfor number of LGBTQ individuals who will represent the community at the upcoming 2020 Moral March on Raleigh and HKonJ People’s Assembly on Feb. 7-8 in Raleigh, N.C. The 1000STRONG Coalition has been organized by the NC NAACP’s LGBTQ Committee. The Freedom Center for Social Justice’s Ezra Fairley-Collins shared, “This is an opportunity for us to show support for our local LGBTQ+ community, and let them know that they are loved, valued, and worthy of a joyful, dignified life free from oppression and harm. All are welcome!” Registration is available for the march and assembly online for organizations and the community is encouraged to participate.
info: fcsj.org. bit.ly/2tmiYtn.
Trans flag added to emoji list
Gender inclusivity is the central theme for the 117 new emojis that have been announced by the Unicode Consortium. They will be rolled out later this year.
info: bit.ly/38YeDeZ.
Imani welcomes new board members
Imani Metropolitan Community Church has shared that Renée Knight-Tate and Yvonne Ricci have been named to the board of directors. They were elected at the annual congregational meeting in late January. Wendy Gellert and Toddie Stewart are rotating off the board.
info: imanimcc.org.
Youth org seeks sports equipment
OUTright Youth of Catawba Valley is asking the community to contribute yoga mats, foam rollers and tennis balls to be used by those who bind themselves so that they can stretch and self-massage to help alleviate chronic pain. Items can be purchased online at amzn.to/3b1No5a (mats), amzn. to/2SbNFd3 (foam rollers) and amzn. to/2SgXN4C (tennis balls). Participants at the Creating Change 2020 conference learned about this technique and brought the idea back to the youth organization.
info: outrightyouthcv.org.
Guilford competes for monetary prize
The Guilford Green Foundation and LGBTQ Center has reported that it is one of 10 local non-profits chosen to compete for up to a $20,000 grand prize from the Future Fund. One grand prize winner will be chosen by audience members at an April 21 event at the Carolina Theater. The fund is an initiative of the Greater Greensboro Community Foundation. Young donors contribute $150 annually to the endowment, and those funders distribute grants to area non-profits every year. Each non-profit will have three minutes to pitch themselves to the audience for a chance to win the grand prize. Four other $1,000 to $12,000 grants will be given away that day as well. More details will be made available when tickets go on sale on Feb. 14.
info: guilfordgreenfoundation.org.
Weston named as new social platform executive director
IsMyGuy.com, a new premium memberbased social platform for gay men, has announced the appointment of Kristofer Weston as its new executive director. Weston brings more than 30 years’ experience in the adult industry — both in front of and behind the camera— to his
new role. He began his career as a sought-after model who launched his own distribution company before shifting gears to direct films for Falcon Studios and COLT Studio Group — becoming the latter’s marketing director for over 12 years.
info: ismyguy.com.
Soulforce makes board appointments
Soulforce has released the names of the organization’s newest board members: CasSandra Calin of Richmond, Va., and Jelani Drew-Davi of Durham, N.C. Calin currently serves as the youth resource advocate at Side by Side, a center dedicated to creating supportive communities for Virginia’s LGBTQ+ youth, and has worked in youth healing and mental health since 2011. Drew-Davi is a digital organizer and strategist providing mentorship to new digital organizers, as well as managing campaigns and building community power both online and on the ground.
info: soulforce.org.
Banks withdraw scholarship support
Fifth Third Bank and Wells Fargo have withdrawn their support of a Florida scholarship program due to its lack of inclusivity for LGBTQ students at some participating Christian schools.
info: bit.ly/2ucfqKI.
Park named after Stonewall icon
The Associated Press reported that a New York’s East River State Park in Brooklyn will be renamed after Marsha P. Johnson, one of the icons from the Stonewall Riots. Gov. Andrew Cuomo made the announcement during the Human Rights Campaign’s Greater New York Gala.
info: bit.ly/36RZURA.
Atlanta sees first LGBTQ report
Atlanta’s first biennial report on the community was released during the last week of January. City officials crafted this booklet to detail the accomplishments that were found after creating the city’s first LGGBTQ Affairs program in 2018, The Atlanta JournalConstitution reported.
info: bit.ly/2tlHJ94.
Raleigh sees new bar opening
WRAL reported that a new LGBTQ bar opened in late 2019 on Fayetteville St. called Work. that sits in downtown Raleigh, N.C. It resides in the former Capital City Tavern and is located to its nearby sister establishment Ruby Deluxe on Salisbury St. Oak City Group are the owners of the two bars. Work. says that it is not simply an LGBTQ bar, but is inclusive of everyone. It joins the other wellestablished LGBTQ bars Legends Nightclub, Flex, View Bar & Gameroom, The Green Monkey and The Tuck.
info: bit.ly/2SoPxzB.
Church group seeks solidarity signees The United Methodist Church’s Marriage Rights ministerial initiative for solidarity with those among the LGBTQ community. Clergy are being asked to sign on in a statement of conscience as those who are willing to officiate at same-sex marriages.
info: bit.ly/2OiYJnS. rmnetwork.org.
GBO Pride to hold first parade
Alternative Resources of the Triad, the non-profit that produces Greensboro Pride, has announced the organization’s firstever Greensboro Pride Parade, YES! Weekly reported. The parade will take place in downtown Greensboro on June 27, beginning at 6 p.m. “This parade is a long time coming for Greensboro,” ART Co-Chair Paul Marshall told YES! Weekly. “2020 is our 15th anniversary and we thought this was the perfect time to add a Pride Parade to Greensboro’s list of cultural events. We decided to hold the parade in June to celebrate Pride Month.”
info: bit.ly/2OnbRZ7. greensboropride.org.
Court rules for lesbian couple
A suit filed by Ashlee and Ruby Henderson who challenged the Indiana birth records law have won in a decision from the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals. This now gives the couple the opportunity to have their children recognized as legitimately their own, The Associated Press reported.
info: bit.ly/2ROlJ02.
Trixie gets Shorty nom
Shorty Awards has received a nomination in its Branded Series category for “Queerty Presents That’s Our Sally,” in partnership with Gilead Sciences. The series stars “RuPaul’s Drag Race” star Trixie Mattel. This nomination is the only LGBTQ one in Shorty Awards competition. Voting is available online at shortyw. in/2GKmd0X through Feb. 20.
info: queerty.com. shortyawards.com.
Eastern N.C. town hosts Pride
Organizers are working to host Kinston, N.C.’s first Pride celebration in its 230-year history, The Daily News reported. Inspire ENC will hold the event on June 20 in Pearson Park with a day full of activities in hopes of bringing unity to Kinston and Eastern North Carolina.
info: bit.ly/2Ui4d60. bit.ly/2RPidCD.
Military org names interim director
The Modern Military Association of America announced that their board of directors has selected Jennifer Dane as interim executive director. Dane is a veteran of the U.S. Air Force who served as an intelligence analyst focusing on geopolitical, terrorism, and threat vulnerability issues.
info: modernmilitary.org.
ENC fellowship to launch
The WISE Project, lead by Equality North Carolina Rural Youth Empowerment Fellow Gray Rodgers, will launch o n Feb. 29 with a community reception hosted in partnership by SAGE in Chapel Hill. The project addresses ageism in the local LGBTQ community through accessible, intergenerational spaces to foster relationships across the Triangle region. For more details or interest in participating in the WISE Project contact Rodgers at grodgers@email.unc.edu.
info: equalitync.org.
Trans student sues school board
A senior at Kings Mountain High School identified as John Doe has sued the Cleveland County Board of Education, Superintendent Stephen Fisher and school principal Julie Rikard because they were denied access to a bathroom that conforms with his gender identity, The Shelby Star reported. The student has stage 4 kidney disease. Doe began transition before his freshman year and claims the refusal is discriminatory. Due to his healthcare situation, he has had to use the girls’ bathroom during emergencies and has born the brunt of laughter by girls at the school. Many times Doe simply avoids using the bathroom which worsens his healthcare condition. He has been battling issues since birth.
info: bit.ly/31jazDC.
Graham gets Liverpool ban
The Charlotte Observer reported that evangelist Franklin Graham, son of the late Billy Graham, has been banned from appearing in a Liverpool, England, arena on his upcoming summer tour of the United Kingdom because of his opposition to gay rights, according to the city’s mayor. “Our City is a diverse City and proud of our LGBTQ+ community and always will be,” Liverpool Mayor Joe Anderson tweeted. “We can not allow hatred and intolerance to go unchallenged by anyone including by religious groups or sects. It’s right we have banned from the M&S Arena Franklin Graham. #Love conquers hatred always.” Graham claims that this was not true.
info: bit.ly/2v3sv93.
Feb. 7-20, 2020
qnotes
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life
Big Impact with a Small Footprint Part 2: Veterans Project Is Building Community While Fighting Homelessness BY Chris Rudisill | QNOTES CONTRIBUTOR
A model onsite at Veterans Community Project in Longmont, Colo. (Photo Credit: Chris Rudisill)
I
n the last issue of qnotes, we looked at the Beloved Community Village in Denver, a tiny home village that provides transformational housing for people experiencing homelessness. Our trip out west also took us to Longmont, Colo. to visit the future home of the Veterans Community Project. Founded in Kansas City, the Veterans Community Project’s (VCP) mission is dedicated to supporting every man and woman who took the oath for our country. According to its website, “they are determined to make a difference in the lives of homeless veterans, a task accomplished by the community for the community.” Their original project of 49 homes and a 5,000-square foot community center in Kansas City was completed in December, and now the organization is on target to expand to a total of eight cities across the United States by 2022. The first home was built in Kansas City in 2016 with the first 13 veterans moving in at the beginning of 2018. Two years later, they completed the final home and community center with everything from a dental office to veterinary clinic. Chief Project Officer Brandonn Mixon told KSHB that the group is far from being done, however. “Our mission is not done until we solve homelessness for every veteran in the United States.” Reports vary widely on the number of veterans who experience homelessness, but the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) estimates that 40,056 veterans are homeless on any given night. In 2018, the city of Longmont, Colo. passed a resolution supporting Mayor Brian Bagley’s “Challenge to End Homelessness.” That year, the city held community events where participants identified service gaps and discussed creative solutions. A 2017 Point-in-Time (PIT) count found 480 individuals experienced homelessness in Boulder County. Over 25 percent identified as chronically homeless and 32 percent said that the inability to pay rent or mortgage was a contributing factor to their housing instability. The average home price in Longmont is $490,000 ($300,000 for a first-time buyer) and monthly rent for a one-bedroom apartment is $1,480. The Point-In-Time, or PIT Count, is an unduplicated estimate of individuals experiencing homelessness on a
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Feb. 7-20, 2020
Along with Kevin Mulshine, a partner of the private housing development corporation HMS Development, the city toured the Kansas City project to learn more. Mulshine and others were drawn to the project, and HMS donated land as part of a 67-acre project surrounded by business parks and suburban retail to launch the first expansion of the Veteran’s Community Project. The twoacre site sits about 13 miles northeast of Boulder and is part of a larger development that will feature single family homes, townhomes and condos ranging from $350,000 to $900,000 built by HMS, along with eight Habitat for Humanity homes. There will be 26 tiny homes and a 3,000-square foot community center. “It’s going to be the only place in the country, that I know of, which will have homeless people, on purpose, living next to a high-end subdivision,” says Solomon. The project is proving to be a good move for developers from an altruistic standpoint as well as a business one. “He thinks one of the amenities communities will have (in the future) will be compassion,” says Solomon referring to HMS Development. Economically, the project also positively impacts the city’s overall property values. Solomon points out they purchased five acres of land in Kansas City from the municipality for $500 and it had a retail value of roughly $40,000. Now four years later, the land has reappraised for $1.5 million. “So, we moved homeless people to an area of town and raised the property value,” says Solomon. The city of Longmont is also allowing HMS Development to fast track many of its permits. They still must meet the same requirements, but instead of a three-year process, Solomon estimates that the city has put resources to-
given night in January. HUD requires a sheltered (emergency shelter or transitional housing) count every year and an unsheltered (living on the street or unfit for human habitation) count every other year to receive federal funds for supportive programs. Charlotte-Mecklenburg started performing both a sheltered and unsheltered survey each year in 2018. The latest count took place on Jan. 29 and Mecklenburg County Community Support Services has also released a Housing Data Snapshot called “One Number” each month since June. According to its website, “The One Number is a count of the total number of individuals and households within one list who are experiencing homelessness and in Site plan for the village. (Photo Credit: Veterans Community Project) need of housing in CharlotteMecklenburg.” The number is generated from data in the Homeless Management Information System and provides a more comprehensive view than the one-night snapshot of the PIT Count. As of Dec. 31, there were 3,569 individuals actively experiencing homelessness in Charlotte-Mecklenburg. That number is an increase of 1,463 since the first “One Number” report released in June. In addition, there are approximately 80,000 people with housing instability in Charlotte — which is defined as a person who could be one missed paycheck away from homelessness.
Starting a Collaboration
“The city of Longmont reached out to us,” says Mark Solomon, co-founder of the Veterans Community Project and executive director of the Colorado expansion. After the city declared they wanted to end homelessness, they organized a coalition to try and figure out how to do it.
gether to make it happen within 18 months. The donation of land to both this project and Habitat for Humanity will allow the developer to sell more of the high-end homes at full retail and still fulfill housing affordability requirements imposed by the city. “Everyone gets to win in this and it’s a partnership between all of us,” says Solomon. According to the city of Charlotte, the city needs an additional 24,000 units of affordable housing to meet the current need, which means more than 55,000 Charlotteans don’t currently have an affordable place to live. As the city’s website states “that’s three quarters of the Panthers stadium.” How can tiny home villages and community, city, and business partnerships create opportunity? The tiny homes in Longmont are zoned as multi-family units in some cases and treated as individual units in others giving it the flexibility to exist within current zoning codes in the city — virtually breaking the molds that have create barriers for other projects across the country. Like the Beloved Community Village in Denver, the concept is proving to also be a more affordable solution to see next page u
“It doesn’t matter if you served for five minutes or five years, at some point, you were willing to give up your life for our country. That’s good enough for us.” Solomon has served in the Navy for over 15 years, was in Iraq for one year, and expects that he is likely to deploy again this summer. All the founders of the Veterans Community Project are combat veterans.
Let’s Take a Look Inside
Site of Veterans Community Project, Longmont, Colo. (Photo Credit: Chris Rudisill) address homelessness. “People are looking at tiny houses and saying ‘hey, we can do this,’” says Solomon. “It’s relatively inexpensive to do.” The cost per house at VCP is estimated at $35,000 which includes the cost of housing a veteran for one full year. Veterans can stay for up to two years and one day. The project is privately funded and accepts no federal money so it has the flexibility to serve any veteran, despite status and without a ton of conditional paperwork. “We basically have said that anyone who took the oath, at some point, vowed to defend the Constitution against all enemies both foreign and domestic, up to and including their lives deserves this chance,” says Solomon.
that don’t equal free product, however, but negotiate pricing to increase their opportunities in more cities across the country. The tiny homes at VCP focuses on four major aspects for those served by the program. They create an environment where families can be together. They acknowledge the specific issues faced by veterans, including the design of windows and doors in each unit. They realize that every villager has shared experiences, and they create a culture of group accountability. Karen served in the Coast Guard for two years beginning at the age of 18 in 1978. After her children grew up, she left an abusive marriage and lost her home. She moved into the Village in Kansas City and it took her three months to unpack. She didn’t think it would work. She’d been through programs and they didn’t really help her in the past. Her role as a mother figure and leader, however, caused others to follow her actions. “If she wasn’t unpacking, others weren’t either,” says Solomon. Just over a year later, Karen would move out of Veterans Community Village and others would see those same boxes moving out. They’d start to envision how they could also move out on their own, and into stable affordable housing. It all goes back to mission and unit cohesion, two concepts familiar to anyone who has served in the military. “I just wanted to say yes to vets — that was the goal,” says Solomon. “Fast forward and we realize, this is obviously bigger. How do we think big, doing it in a small way? Everything we do is big impact, small footprint. How do we do that? How do you do more with fewer troops?” : :
Homes range from 240-320 square feet and are fully-functional units with a kitchen, bathroom and living quarters all on a permanent concrete slab foundation. The village is designed to look like a subdivision. Solomon calls it “housing with dignity.” The houses will also be designed with granite countertops, a tile backsplash, hardwood floors, modular furniture, high speed internet and Chromebook computers. Google is just one example of the corporate partnerships that VCP has successfully forged since its launch. “We partner with the community on a lot of things, so we have folks that come in and help our vets learn how to cook and how to clean,” says Solomon. Bank of America teaches budgeting classes, and on-site case managers work with residents to budget for their expenses. Solomon acknowledges that there are some definite advantages to the veteran aspect of their project. “It’s hard for people Veterans Community Project Co-Founder to say no to veterans,” he Mark Solomon. says. The organization works (Photo Credit: Chris Rudisill) hard to increase partnerships
This story was produced by the Charlotte Journalism Collaborative, a partnership of six media companies working together in an effort started by the Solutions Journalism Network and funded by The Knight Foundation.
Feb. 7-20, 2020
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Lie detector tests becoming more common among LGBTQ community Love & Lust (12th Annual Sex Issue): Interview with Andrew Goldstein, ‘The Polygraph Examiner’ BY Mykah Buff | QNotes Staff Writer
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Specialized seating with sensors enables a polygrapher to be able to pick up slight changes in body reactions. (Photo Credit: qnotes staff)
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ave you ever wondered if your spouse was being unfaithful? Perhaps you’ve noticed signs or had a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, national surveys indicate that 15 percent of married women and 25 percent of married men have had extramarital affairs. Nowadays, individuals with suspicions of infidelity are turning to polygraph examiners who specialize in using equipment to detect whether an individual is being honest in response to questions pertaining to fidelity. While the use of such tests is controversial in terms of accuracy, it’s become quite common among couples faced with questions of infidelity. Whether it’s an individual wanting to know if their spouse is having an affair or an individual wanting to prove they have in fact been faithful, a growing number of people are resorting to lie-detector tests to rule out or confirm cheating. qnotes was able to speak with multi-state licensed polygraph examiner Andrew Goldstein, better known as “The polygraph examiner.” Goldstein has been specializing in confirming and/or ruling out cases of infidelity in relationships since 2008 and has administered thousands of polygraph examinations. Goldstein said that he began noticing an increase of LGBTQ clientele beginning about seven years ago. Being that the vast majority of his clientele had been predominantly straight, he was caught off guard during a conversation with an inquiring gentleman when he referred to the individual’s spouse as his wife. As it turned out, the gentleman was actually gay and married to a man. “What do you think your wife has done,” Goldstein said to the gentleman. The client replied, “No, it’s my husband.” This incident changed Goldstein’s approach when speaking to a new client. And to prevent from insulting anyone and to make clear that his service was not limited to straight couples only, from that point on he always asked his clients whether their spouse was male or female. Following this incident, as well as Goldstein’s newly implemented preliminary question, word of his niche-like service began to spread to other gay and lesbian couples. And as a result, more and more members of the LGBTQ community who were dealing with certain relationship problems were provided with an outlet to get the necessary information they needed to give them peace of mind, or in other cases, the ammunition to part ways with their spouse. Early on when encountering gay or lesbian clients, Goldstein said they would be somewhat reluctant to specify that they were in a same-sex relationship out of fear of being discriminated against — which he said would absolutely never be the case. In recent years he said that this has drastically changed and that individuals are being more open about being gay or lesbian. “I’ve noticed a lot more individuals being forthcoming about their being in a samesex relationship or marriage,” said Goldstein. “Which I feel is a result of the LGBTQ community growing and becoming stronger as well as society as whole becoming more accepting,” he added. As dating and hookup apps and websites are becoming more popular as well as the advent of social media, there is now more of an opportunity for spouses to cheat. Goldstein said he feels it is associated with the growing infidelity rates that have increased in his volume of calls. see next page u
Valentine’s Day my phone calls increase tremendously,” said Goldstein.” “I receive calls from every race, religion, creed, color and sexual orientation. We all have the same problems.” He said that there are instances where individuals will often end up confessing to infidelity following their spouse’s confession. To give a better idea as to how these types of occurrences unfold, Goldstein provided a scenario. “Let’s say I have a couple by the name of John and Mike where John is accusing Mike of cheating. So, I test Mike and he confesses to cheating one time. Then all of a sudden Mike says I want to know what John has done, and it turns out that John has also been cheating.” He said that he Polygrapher Andrew Goldstein. (Photo Credit: qnotes staff) has also had instances of individuals confessing to infidelHe said that he tries to help people ity immediately following an admission get the information they need and that from their spouse during the polygraph most individuals are just seeking the truth. examination. One thing in particular that In many cases, individuals often confess Goldstein said prompts individuals to to their infidelity even before Goldstein inquire about his service is the instance of administers the polygraph examination. an STD (sexually transmitted disease). He claims it is due to the high caliber of According to Goldstein’s website, (thetesting equipment he uses and that he polygraphexaminer.com), “Polygraph tests thoroughly explains the mechanics of it to are the most accurate way to establish the individual being tested prior to the test trust when anyone has been accused of being administered. However, the examicheating in their relationship. Polygraphs nation usually still takes place. help establish a baseline of trust even “Most of the time when an individual when there was prior cheating admitted confesses to one instance of infidelity, to in the past. For accuracy, Goldstein their spouse wants to know other informauses the same polygraph testing equiption such as how many occurrences there ment that is used in murder cases. He have been,” Goldstein said. only conducts polygraph examinations in With Valentine’s Day approaching, accordance with procedures and protocols qnotes wanted to know if the holidays had recognized by the American Polygraph any impact on Goldstein’s business. Association and the American Association “During all holidays I see an inof Police Polygraphists.” : : crease in calls, but particularly around
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Oh God, Oh God, Oh God! Spiritual Reflections
BY Rev. Dr. Joan M. Saniuk | Guest Contributor
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control pill. It’s an aspirin (a girl doesn’t swalow that I have your attention… low it; she holds it between her knees). Not On Valentine’s Day we celvery encouraging. ebrate love in all its forms. Most of all, In religious terms, sex can be a spiritual we celebrate romantic love… good oldexperience! When lovemaking is mutual, fashioned lust. Many of us who were each person losing themselves in the moraised in religious homes were taught ment, the partners experience union that is that lust — even, perhaps, most physical, emotional and psychic. The boundsex — is sinful. Yet the truth is more aries between their separate selves dissolve. nearly the opposite: good sex can be a This “unitive” experience is the same thing spiritual experience! When lovemaking that religious mystics seek to experience is consensual and mutual, with partwith their God. Lovemaking is also a practice ners seeking to pleasure the other(s) of mindfulness, in that it requires living in as well as taking their own pleasure, the moment. It’s no wonder, then, that the without hurting anyone else, sex, in its Jewish tradition encourages couples to have own way, touches the divine. sex on the Sabbath, as a way of renewing Many religious traditions affirm themselves and each other. the goodness of sex; my church of orI’ll close by telling you a secret about the igin was not one of them. I was taught Bible. It has to do with the Song of Songs in that sex was only acceptable when the Hebrew Scriptures (“Old Testament”). done in a heterosexual marriage reSex can be a spiritual experience for those inIt is a collection of love poetry in which 1) lationship and when open to making volved. (Photo Credit: New Africa via Adobe Stock) nothing in the text specifies that the lovers babies. This rule came with a laundry are married and 2) when read with a little list of which sex acts were approved, imagination, the book is R-rated. You might consider reading it out and which were forbidden. Nothing was said about consent (it loud with someone you love. was assumed), or about mutual pleasuring (if he finishes and falls So, have a great Valentine’s Day! Play carefully… and have a asleep before she comes, so what?) or about a responsibility not to religious experience or two. : : transmit disease (monogamy, and premarital abstinence, also assumed). In short, I learned nothing from church about the critical The Rev. Dr. Joan M. Saniuk is pastor of Metropolitan Community ways in which sex builds up, and sustains, the lovers’ relationship. Church Sacred Journey in Hendersonville, N.C. She and her wife just The teaching was often summed up as “Sex is dirty; save it for the celebrated their 26th first-date anniversary. one you love.” We would joke about the “church-approved birth
Ending Your Life Is Not The Answer Mental Health: Seeking Help BY Stanley Popovich | guest WRITER
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ou are at the end of your rope, and you can’t take it any much longer. You are in pain, and you are suffering and you feel there is no hope. The first thing that you need to do is to seek the services of a professional counselor. As a published author of a managing fear book and as a layman, here are five reasons why suicide is not an option to your problems.
Everything you feared is coming true. Suddenly, your boss comes to your office and tells you that the deadline is extended and that he forgot to tell you the day before. This unknown factor changes everything. We may be 99 percent correct in predicting the future, but all it takes is for that one percent to make a world of difference.
4. F ocus On The Facts of Your Situation and Not Your Thoughts. 1. Things Change Over Time. When people are depressed they Regardless of your situation, things Finding help when considering suicide is important to rely on their fearful, depressing and do not stay the same. You may feel remember when life becomes overwhelming. (Photo negative thoughts. That is a huge misvery bad today, but it won’t last forever. Credit: freshidea via Adobe Stock) take. Your fearful thoughts are exaggerRemember this fact: Regardless of ated and are not based on reality. When your current circumstances, everything you are depressed, focus on the facts of your current situation and changes over time. This includes your current situation. Nothing not on what you think. Do not assume anything regarding your curremains the same forever. rent circumstances. Seek help from a professional immediately. 2. There Are Always Other Options…Always. 5. G o to the Hospital Immediately When It’s That Bad. You may feel lost and confused, but the answers to your If things are so bad that you are unable to function, drop evspecific problems are out there. The key is that you have to find erything and go to your local hospital or crisis center immediately. the answers. The answers to your problem will not come to you. The people there will take care of your situation right away. As mentioned before, the first step in finding the solution to your problem is to seek help from a qualified professional. No situation is hopeless. Your loved ones, friends, relatives, God, mental health counselors, priests, ministers, etc. are all good sources 3. You Can’t Predict the Future. of help. They are all willing to help you, and they can make a differYou are fearful, confused and do not know where to turn. You ence, but you must be willing to take advantage of this help. Regardless think that there is no hope for you. When you are in this situation, of your situation, take advantage of the help that is around you. remember the 99 percent rule. The 99 percent rule states that that Remember: Every problem has a solution. You just have to find it. : : no one can predict the future with 100 percent certainty. Even if the thing that you are afraid of does happen, there are circumStan Popovich is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear stances and factors that you can’t predict which can be used to Using Psychology, Christianity and Non Resistant Methods.” For inforyour advantage. For instance, you miss the deadline for a project mation, visit managingfear.com. you have been working on for the last few months.
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A Valentine’s Day Poem
Love & Lust (12th Annual Sex Issue): A Sex Worker Looks for Love
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BY Devon Hunter | Guest Contributor
and explanation of the poem itself. erhaps in 2020 I’m less likely to I won’t repeat all the sentiments need to say it, but sex workers are here, but practically every word of not empty vessels to be filled with it still resonates with me now, as if your fluids and then discarded like disI’d written it today for this article. posable plastic bottles. But when I was Matthew told me he’d never had regularly blogging from 2007-2017, it a poem written for him, “except did need to be said, often and stridently, for that one time, but it made no because almost no one else was saying sense whatsoever.” So, I wrote him it. For a decade I kept making the same one (and I’m still very proud of it to point again and again and again and… this day, not only for the intricate Each of the 500 entries comes at it from techniques I employed, but also a different angle, but all of them ultithe raw vulnerability I was so earmately make the same point: Sex worknestly professing): ers are fully-formed human beings who have all the same capacities for good or Heaven’s azure gates ill as any other person. open under hallowed rays, In the intervening years I’ve seen baring a fair wraith television shows, print articles, social media interviews and even activist coaliwhose hand radiates tions with government support come to prisms of dazzling haze, the fore and magnify that message to daring me to hope huge audiences. It’s a relief to see the tides beginning to turn culturally, if not his man-opiates necessarily legally. I’ve also noticed far will be, like happy bouquets, less hypocrisy amongst gay men these Sex workers look for love and should not be taken for granted . (Photo Credit: bookzaa via Adobe Stock) flaring into bloom. days concerning their attitudes about consuming adult entertainment while Ten years ago a week from today, I wrote a poem in a I was so eager, yearning to negatively judging the people who are blog entry dedicated to a young man I’d fallen in love with. be with someone who would treasure me. I had felt that literally performing for their pleasure. Better late than You can see that original entry at devonhunter.info/arnever, but sometimes I wish I weren’t always a decade chives/1433/, which includes a very meticulous breakdown early to every party. see Sex Workers on 14
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life Sex Workers
continued from page 13 way since I was five or six years old, the first time I played house with Jason next door. We were both in kindergarten. We took his mother’s patio furniture up the barn ladder into the hay loft, and there we set up our apartment. We were living together as a happily married couple. I can’t even imagine how our parents in Aiken, S.C. in 1981 perceived that. Was it is just boyish naughtiness to drag furniture around, or were these Religious Right adults able to see beyond heteronormative childhood marriage imitation to realize that we were aping domestic bliss? Who knows? But we weren’t prevented from being best friends after that, so my guess is that no one was any the wiser, or that they simply didn’t care (even when they found us exchanging kisses on the cheek while I literally played Wonder Woman to his Superman?). At any rate, in 2010 I was already a year into the process where I had started courting, dating and ultimately marrying myself in front of witnesses in 2012. The idea for that was taken off my blog and turned into a television show for a straight woman. Pretty cool, yeah?! I went through that process, not to cynically give up on love, but to be more intelligent about it. I made a vow in front of dozens of guests in my home on my 36th birthday that I would love, honor and cherish myself. I couldn’t date someone else until I married myself. I had made so many disastrous compromises in an attempt to find “the one.” I empowered these friends to hold me accountable to my vows, if they saw me entering into any more toxic relationships. I’ve watched dozens of clients squander love over the years. Just totally devalue it completely, as if it were aluminum foil instead of solid gold. It has never made sense to me that people would talk about nothing but finding a relationship until they had one. Then all they would talk
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Heaven’s azure gates open under hallowed rays, baring a fair wraith whose hand radiates prisms of dazzling haze, daring me to hope his man-opiates will be, like happy bouquets, flaring into bloom.
about is getting out of it (or making choices to undermine it). Obviously one “shouldn’t” remain in unhappy or abusive situations, but I think a little more effort in many instances would speak better of non-sex workers. My point is this: Contrary to the assumption that sex workers aren’t capable of or interested in love, affection and emotional stability, many are very successful in it (or ravenously hopeful to be so one day). I am the outlier, the exception, not the rule amongst sex workers. Despite dozens of humiliating failures and dangerous disappointments, I was still secretly hopeful in 2010 of having a
valentine on the day itself. I have never experienced that, even now. After I gave Matthew that poem he never spoke to me again. Up until four or five years ago, the dilapidated optimist in me was still grudgingly eager to fall in love. The edge of that sword has finally been ground dull. I just simply do not believe it will ever happen to me, and it isn’t any longer a consideration, let alone a priority. I tend to slam the door shut loudly and decisively when a prospect does come up. That’s my fault, but I have VERY good reasons for doing so. I chug along without thinking about it at all anymore. So, if I could ask you for a Valentine’s Day gift, it would be this: Do not take romantic love for granted. As hard as it might be to date or relate, go forward with it knowing that you are at least not presumed to be incapable or unworthy of it. I’m not saying to take delight in every person you meet, but I am asking that you disconnect enough from the cloud to reconnect with human beings. There are enough obstacles in the way as is it. Don’t create more of them unnecessarily. And definitely don’t take all the opportunities you may have for granted either. Even if they are few, infrequent and/or generally disappointing, relationships teach us important lessons about ourselves. And there are so very many of them to learn. : : Poem Background Photo Credit: bookzaa via Adobe Stock
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First Gay Rom-Com Premieres On Freeform Network Enters New Territory with ‘The Thing About Harry’ By Louis Ghiraldi | guest Contributor
Jake Borelli (left) and Niko Terko from ‘The Thing About Harry.’ (Photo Credit: Freeform)
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ut with the old, in with the new is a common refrain we hear at the start of every new year, and 2020 was no different. However, Freeform (formerly ABC Family) has taken it a step further with the premiere of its first gay rom-com, “The Thing about Harry.” Hopefully this film serves as a gateway to future groundbreaking productions in the genre. Similar to “Trick,” a gay rom-com from a generation earlier, “Harry” revels in a relevant, poignant and sometimes humorous storyline about relationships without relying upon tired hackneyed stereotypes, stale punchlines and overtly-forced sexual situations — it flows naturally. It’s somewhat of a departure for Jake Borelli from his “Greys Anatomy” persona, and is a mature change of pace. Niko Terko, a fresh-faced actor from New York shines in his debut vehicle as Harry and seems destined for bigger things. The chemistry between the two leads is apparent early on, Borelli with his downto-earth, sometimes patented, uptight, neurotic portrayal as Sam, plays off Terko’s dry, free-spirited and sometimes selfishness to a tee. Terko is actually believable as a potential boyfriend for Borelli here. Nobody can tug at the heartstrings and play vulnerability like Borelli. A shoutout to Britt Baron as Stasia, she stands out in a supporting but vital role in the film. While the story plays into the Valentine weekend theme, “Harry” explores the ups and downs of relationships in a way that anyone of any gender or sexuality can relate to. Director Peter Paige (“The Fosters,” “Good Trouble” and Emmett in “Queer as Folk”) keeps it all on track with a steady hand while we see the protagonist and antagonist do a role reversal of sorts throughout the film. The timeline is perfectly played out to cover a lot of ground and allows the characters to develop in front of your eyes. Paige started out with a blank canvas and ended with a vivid portrait of a relationship movie with characters that you can actually embrace. The Chicago winter serves as a terrific backdrop and metaphor for the movie. Using the roadtrip sequence was a well-served decision to set up the plot and foreshadow what might lie ahead.
Although it won’t solve the world’s biggest problems, “Harry” does weave a compelling tale about people, emotions and life in general, all coming together in a positive, relatable manner. “Harry” takes a once-taboo subject on TV and successfully showcases it in a mainstream setting and the audience is better off for it. “The Thing About Harry” premieres on Feb. 15, 8 p.m. Check local listings for more information. : :
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When The Vampire Doesn’t Bite Hard Enough Tell Trinity
BY Trinity | CONTRIBUTING WRITER Hey Trinity My partner of four years who claimed to be gay left me a month ago to marry a woman. I kind of got over him, because he was such a user. But I miss him. Help! Sincerely Perplexed, Albany, NY Hey Perplexed, Let me get this gay problem straight. Your gay-user-partner of four years left you, and now you’re perplexed because you’ve been released from a hex by your ex. Haven’t you read any vampire novels where the blood-sucking vampire surprisingly sees sunlight and releases his victim before killing her? She joyously escapes Transylvania never to see the vampire again. Darling, unless he took your common sense, I suggest you celebrate your freedom and catch the next boat out of Transylvania. Congratulations, Trinity Dearest Trinity, I’ve just begun doing drag, and I love it. I have two problems? I don’t know how to drag well, and I haven’t told my mother. Any suggestions? A Confused Queen, Kansas City, MO
qomunity
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Dearest Confused Queen, I have some tips in a cartoon style. Read it wisely. Did you also know, pumpkin, doing drag is so much work that many new drag queens eventually stop. So wait a while, about six months or on your 21st night of drag, let the MAC out of the bag. Your drag sister, Trinity
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To Joe the Chameleon, By the end of these nights you must look like an abused collection of Ken and GI Joe dolls. Hey, that’s it! You need to look like a mix of Ken and GI Joe. So try a baseball hat or buzz cut, a neckless of some sort and a watch. Try a black T-shirt or a short sleeve tight button-down shirt (no plaid) and jeans with a pair of hiking or military boots. Remember, sweetie, no shiny club clothes, harnesses, oxford shirts or cigars. Good Luck, Trinity Dearest Trinity, For the first time in years, I went to a sex club. I was shocked to see so much unprotected activity going on. How does someone have sex-club-fun without worrying about receiving any unwanted gifts? Signed, Sex Club Studies, Green Bay, WI
To Trinity, Once a month, my buddies get together
space starting at $22: call qnotes for details 704.531.9988
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and hit the bars to meet potential dates. Throughout the night, we hit a preppy, a mixed nightclub and a leather bar. Most of the guys I meet are one of these types. I’m always confused on how to dress? Help, Joe the Chameleon, Seattle, WA
Dearest S. C. S., I hear ya’, honey! It does seem like everyone’s getting so tired of wearing latex that more and more are willing to go on PrEP or accept the effects of unwanted gifts. Unsafe sex is like candy — you know it can make you sick, but you can’t help packin’ in all that deliciousness. For those times when your blood sugar is out of control here are...
Trinity’s Healthy Tips For Attending A Sex Club 1. When you meet the “Sex Club SexMachine” — rinse him clean, if you know what I mean. 2. Before letting yourself slut around, have do’s and don’ts to keep you safe and sound. 3. Assume EVERYONE has something to give — that you may not want. 4. Always wash your hands after playing… with yourself and/or others. 5. You may not need a course in intercourse, but, of course, you need to understand everything about risk! 6. Sometimes, we have to be rude to a dude who’s forcing an uncomfortable interlude. 7. Always wash your private parts so you’re clean and tidy for your next performing arts. 8. Use instinct and intuition when on any adventurous mission. 9. Sex club is beautiful. Sex club is fun. Sex club is different for everyone. 10. F inally, relax or exercise, even take a steam or a nap, but even more importantly, don’t leave with the CLAP! With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking,” a weekly radio drama performed globally, and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries.org, Gay Spirituality for the Next Generation! Learn more at telltrinity.com. Send emails to: trinity@telltrinity.com.
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events February 11 Charlotte Job Fair
February 8 2020 Queen City Black Heritage Festival
Cabarrus Arena & Event Center 4751 NC-49, Concord 12 p.m. Celebrating Black History Month, past, present and future. Will feature over 40 black-owned companies and sponsors. Learn about the culture, food and arts of the African-American heritage. Fun for the whole family and free admission. bit.ly/2OqeObn.
February 8 Metro Comics Expo
St. John’s Metropolitan Community Church 622 Maywood Ave., Raleigh 10 a.m. Vendor booths, artists, a cosplay contest, a drag contest and more. Features star Sonya Thompson who played on “The Walking Dead” and other horror films. metrocomicexpo.com.
February 9 Classic Black Exhibition
Mint Museum 500 S. Tryon St., Charlotte Museum Hours Featuring over 100 ceramic objects and sculptures made of black basalt, with public and private collections from the United States and England. This exhibit will be open to the public from February to April. mintmuseum.org.
February 9 Joan Osborne
The ArtsCenter 300-G E. Main St., Carrboro 8 p.m. Multi-platinum-selling recording artist and seven-time Grammy nominee Joan Osborne is most known for her hit “One of Us.” She will be at the the ArtsCenter for a night concert. Tickets start at $36. artscenterlive.org.
Hilton Charlotte University Place 8629 JM Keynes Dr., Charlotte 11 a.m. Free for all job seekers, this event will help applicants connect with different job employers, who are just starting off in the job world or those who want to further their careers. bit.ly/38X0FtY.
February 11 Read The Rainbow Book Club
Starbucks 4044 Connection Point Blvd., Charlotte 6 p.m. Join the LGBTQ book club every second Wednesday of the month as they have discussions based on literature for or by the LGBTQ community. The book for February is “Mostly Dead Things” By Kristen N. Arnett. Contact Angelise Ramos for more information. aramos@cmlibrary.org.
February 11 ‘Kinky Boots’
Duke Energy Center for Performing Arts 2 E. South St., Raleigh 7:30 p.m. With music and lyrics by Cyndi Lauper and book by Harvey Fierstein. Join Charlie and Lola on their great idea to save the shoe factory. Tickets are available online. bit.ly/2Rv5PXc.
February 14 69 Love Songs Tribute: A Benefit for TOY
Petra’s 1919 Commonwealth Ave., Charlotte 8 p.m. A celebration of love and heartbreak, with local Charlotte artists covering songs The Magnetic Fields classic album “69 Love Songs.” ID is required for entry 21+ and tickets are $5. Proceeds for this event goes to Time Out Youth Center. bit.ly/2SfGuAH. petrasbar.com. timeoutyouth.org.
February 14 ‘The Paul Simon Songbook’ Greensboro Symphony Westover Church
Dogs and their owners will perform cool, outrageous, and unique tricks and will be judged by a panel of celebrity experts. Knight Theater, 430 S. Tryon St., Charlotte. 7:30 p.m. blumenthalarts.org.
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Submit your events: editor@goqnotes.com
505 Muirs Chapel Rd., Greensboro 8 p.m. The Greensboro Symphony will perform ballads from “The Paul Simon’s Songbook” and will accompany singer Paul Loren and his band. Including songs like “The Sound of Silence,” “Homeward Bound” and more. greensborosymphony.org.
February 14 SAGE Valentine Day Dance Party
St. John’s Metropolitan Community Church 622 Maywood Ave., Raleigh 7:30 p.m. Dance the night away with SAGE’s Valentine Day dance party. Invite friends and loved ones — the more the merrier. Donations are appreciated. sageusa.org. lgbtcenterofraleigh.org.
February 15 Red Ribbon Ball
Stockroom at 230 230 Fayetteville St., Raleigh 8 p.m. An evening to support the Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina with wine, champagne and world-class desserts. DJ Fred will spin tunes. Special performance by Sidecar Social Club. bit.ly/2NAgcYx.
February 16 Ross Matthews: ‘Name Drop Tour’
McGlohon Theater at Spirit Square 345 N. College St., Charlotte 7 p.m. From “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” to judging on ”Rupaul’s Drag Race,” he has seen and heard a lot and is ready to dish out the goods. blumenthalarts.org.
February 17 Charlotte LGBTQ Elders Caring for Your Pet
Time Out Youth Center 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte 7 p.m. A workshop presented by Ginny Dodd on senior pet issues, end of life issues, medical pet cost, dental disease, nutrition and more. This is a free workshop. Registration is available online. bit.ly/31hO9ma.
February 22 ABBA The Concert
February 21: So You Think You Can Bark
February 2020
Ovens Auditorium 2700 E. Independence Blvd., Charlotte 8 p.m. This tribute group is bringing ABBA back to life with classics like “S.O.S,” “The Winner Takes All,” “Mamma Mia” and “Dancing Queen.” Tickets are on sale now and start at $35. boplex.com.
February 22 25th Annual HRC Carolina
February 14-15: ‘Expect the Unexpected at Rouge’
From comedy to thrills, lust to love, join these aerial artists and dazzling dancers in a cabaret-style burlesque show. This show is for mature audiences only, tickets are available online. Booth Playhouse, 130 N. Tryon St., Charlotte. Various Times. carolinecalouche.org.
Dinner and Silent Auction
Le Meridien 555 S. McDowell St., Charlotte 5 p.m. Come out and meet HRC’s new president, Alphonso David. Evening includes cocktails, dinner, entertainment, awards and more. Tickets are available online. bit.ly/3797DeJ.
February 25 Charlotte LGBT Chamber of Commerce I Love Networking!
Dr. Brian Williams, DDS Office 2711 Randolph Rd., Ste. 501, Charlotte 6:30 p.m. Learn what the Charlotte LGBTQ community has to offer in the business world. Work the room, socialize and make new and old connections. Chamber members receive complimentary beverage and hors d’oeuvres. Members no charge, non-members $5. clgbtcc.org.
February 26 LGBT Center of Raleigh Polyamory and Open Relationship Discussion Group
LGBT Center of Raleigh 119 E. Hargett St., Raleigh 7:30 p.m. A group discussion on the alternative lifestyles within polyamory and/or open relationships. Open to all, from beginners to advanced levels of experience, to LGBTQ and straight individuals.
lgbtcenterofraleigh.com.
February 28 Southern Spring Home and Garden Show
The Park Expo & Conference Center 800 Briar Creek Rd., Charlotte 10 a.m. This will be a two-week event with the latest trends in home improvement, outdoor living and gardening. Joining the event will be celebrity speakers Kevin O’Conner of “This Old House” and Matt Fox of “Room by Room.” Tickets start at $10 and can be purchase in groups for a discounted price. bit.ly/2Ug1mKT.
February 29 Diana Ross
Belk Theatre 130 N Tryon St., Charlotte 8 p.m. From music, movies, musicals, and television the iconic Ms. Diana Ross will be in Charlotte for the Diamond Diana: 75th Birthday Celebration. Tickets are available online. bit.ly/2ZcMayH.
Submit Your Events
Got events to share with the Carolinas community? Then send them to editor@goqnotes.com to have them included in our featured listings in print and online.
life
REGULAR EVENTS
Our People: Linton Walker, Jr.
Charlotte LGBT Chamber
Regular business meetings, social events and other activities throughout the year. Days and times vary. info: clgbtcc.org.
HIV/AIDS Advocate Awareness-Apparel Line Creator, Husband
HIV Support Group
Dudley’s Place at Rosedale Medical holds support groups for HIV positive individuals every other Tuesday at 6 p.m., Rosedale Medical, 103 Commerce Centre Dr., Suite 103, Huntersville. Call Dudley’s Place at 704-977-2972 for dates and more information or follow on Facebook and Instagram for updates. info: rosedaleid.com.
PFLAG Concord/Kannapolis
Meets for monthly group support meetings, second Tuesday of each month, 7-9 p.m., Trinity United Church of Christ, 38 Church St. N., Concord. info: bit.ly/1pCFVBq.
PFLAG Gaston
Meets for monthly support meetings, third Thursday of each month, 7 p.m., St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, 258 W. Franklin Blvd., Gastonia. info: pflaggaston.org.
Prime Timers
Monthly meeting including dinner, speaker, games and more for gay men ages 21 and up, 5-7 p.m., Park Road Baptist Church Fellowship Hall, 3900 Park Rd., Charlotte. info: charlotteprimetimers.org.
Stonewall Sports
Regular team sports, meet-up, social and service events throughout the year. Days and times vary. info: stonewallcharlotte.leagueapps.com.
Trans Youth Group
Time Out Youth Center hosts weekly discussion groups for transgender youth ages 13-20 each Thursday, 4:306 p.m., 3800 Monroe Rd., Charlotte. info: timeoutyouth.org.
UPDATES/ADDITIONS?
Do you have a regular and reoccurring community event you’d like listed? A listing to update? Email us at editor@ goqnotes.com.
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BY Mykah Buff | QNotes Staff Writer
inton Walker, Jr. is taking a stance against the negative stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS. Upon being diagnosed with HIV in 2011, Walker said he began experiencing a great deal of judgment and discrimination stemming from his status. Individuals would often say rude and disparaging comments after Walker revealed his status. Following an upsetting encounter that Walker recalls as “a pivotal moment in his life,” he procured a sense of empowerment which gave him the courage to no longer allow individuals to be dismissive and disrespectful about his HIV status. In an effort to change the face of HIV/AIDS, Walker launched an awareness-apparel line he calls Unapologetically Positive in May 2015. His apparel displays different slogans such as, “HIV lives matter (HML), “undetectable,” and his line’s logo. qnotes had the opportunity to interview Walker and learn more about the inspiration behind his awareness-apparel line as well as a few other things about him. What are some ways your diagnosis has changed your life for t he better? I found out a lot of things that I didn’t realize about myself, like figuring out who I was as a person. I struggled with my identity and my placement in this world ever since I was a child. Soon after being diagnosed, I found myself confronting things that I would normally run from which has caused a lot of personal growth. What motivates your optimism related to your status? I refused to allow HIV to stop the flow of my life, I have a lot to live for. Losing friends to the complications of AIDS opened my eyes to make better decisions, not only concerning my life, but life. How did you cope with your diagnosis early on? In the beginning, not well, it triggered the anxiety that I’ve dealt with for years. Struggling with depression, and let’s not talk about being rejected because of status many times on the dating scene. What inspires your transparency and openness about your status? I was told by someone that I shouldn’t tell guys about my status unless I was about to sleep with them. I followed that advice and it didn’t pan out well. I was turned down back-to-back in the most hurtful ways by guys that said that they weren’t interested in dating or having sex with someone HIV positive and that I should have told them sooner. Despite the fact that my status was displayed on my dating profile. From then on I made the conscious decision to be upfront and honest about my status and not allow anyone to shame me ever again. I knew then I was much more than a positive result on a test. What is your biggest piece of advice to the newly diagnosed? Know that everything that you desire, you deserve and HIV is not the end-all be-all. It’s just a new journey, a new path and a new experience.
What is your message to individuals who look down on or discriminate against individuals who are positive? A person with HIV is still a person. To treat an individual poorly based on assumption is simply misguided fear, but I dare you to educate yourself. I challenge you to converse with someone who’s positive. I promise you would have a change of heart because we are some beautiful, strong and enduring individuals. What prompted you to start your awareness apparel line, Unapologetically Positive? Being so open about my status, I noticed I began to build somewhat of a following. People would share their experiences with being newly diagnosed or struggling with dealing or accepting their new normal. I wanted to create something that would be thought-provoking and challenged the minds of others while empowering those who shared my struggle. What are some of the creative influences behind your designs? Styles, colors, graphics, fonts, etc.? The objective and idea for the line is to be big, bold and on purpose. What apparel items does your line include? T-shirts, hoodies, backpacks and cups. Where are your items sold? Individuals can purchase items from my line on social media, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, as well as the White Rabbit store in Charlotte. In addition to your awareness apparel line, what are some other ways that you advocate for those affected in our community? To send encouraging energy out into the world by using my platform. To give someone with HIV/AIDS who may be frustrated or struggling mentally hope and possibly a different option to choose from. What are some things you and your husband, Archie Davis, enjoy doing? Bowling, movies, date nights to our favorite restaurants and relaxing doing nothing together, if that makes any sense. Aside from your clothing business, what else do you do professionally? I am a customer accounts associate at a rental company in Charlotte. : : Read our extended profile online at goqnotes.com/64892.
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