Man Cave with Alex Howard

Do you know how to be happy?

Recently I was on the phone, the person I was talking to said that she couldn’t wait for April to be over. I looked at the calendar and reminded her that it was only March 10th. She said with Easter and two birthday parties in April, she was just ready for the month to be over with. I asked her why she couldn’t enjoy these events and she said because there was just too much to do.

I didn’t probe her any further because she tends to be an unhappy person. However, if I’m planning and paying for a party, I will enjoy it. However, my conversation with her lead me to the question of…

Do you know how to be happy?

Seriously, do you?

When talking to people, I’ve noticed that a lot of adults are unhappy because they have lost their personal identity. Ask a married person what makes them happy and their answer will probably start with “We like…”, “My wife and I enjoy…”, or “The kids like to…” I know a lot of people like this and I remined them that I asked what makes them happy and not their family. Sadly, none of them know. They are so use to identifying as Luke’s wife, Taylor’s mom, and this company’s employee. However, those are just adjectives. Who were you before the marriage, kids, and job? Because that’s the person who’s not happy. That’s the voice you hearing telling you that there’s more to life and asking what you waiting on.

When working on achieving and maintaining your happiness, you are going to make some people in your life unhappy. Some people are going to question your behavior and or call you selfish. Let them. Chances are, the people questioning your behavior benefit in your unhappiness, because you put their happiness before your own. Also, these people do not want you to be happy. They just want you to continue to cater to them. However, don’t let this guilt trap you. Once you become happy, your happiness will spread to and encourage the people who actually care about you.

Now after you decide that you want to be happy, the hardest thing is going to be limiting your interactions with people who are unhappy or have a limited understanding. For example, currently I’m not happy with my job, but when my mom asks me how’s work, I will say fine. I can’t tell her that I’m unhappy because she will not understand. Regardless of what I tell her, she’s going to look at my salary and the fact that I work from home and tell me that I do not have any reason to be unhappy. Now, I’m not upset that my mom doesn’t understand what I need to be happy. Additionally, I’m not going to cut her out of my life. However, I will limit our conversations about the happiness I need at my job.

We are only on this planet for a short time, so be happy. Also do whatever you need to do in order to achieve your happiness. Don’t listen to the self-doubt that’s playing on repeat and don’t focus of all the things you tell yourself that you have to for others. If you can get up each day and work, feed, clothed, pick up, drop off, email, text, call, stop-bye, swing-bye, and ensure someone else’s happiness, surely you can work on and achieve your own happiness.

“Loving yourself means that you accept responsibility for your own development, growth and happiness.” Iyanla Vanzant

Alex Howard is a father, writer, humorist, lover of Converse, and bearer of many aliases. Of his own admission, "If Julia Sugarbaker and Fred Sanford had a lovechild, it would be Alex."