What advice would you give a teen to help them have a healthy relationship?

ANATOMY TEST

Ask your teen to explain the following terms:

• Ovary • Fallopian Tube • Cervix • Epididymis • Prostate Gland • Implantation • Embryo

FETAL DEVELOPMENT11

1. Ovulation occurs (week 2, LMP) 2. Fertilization occurs (week 2, LMP) 3. Biological sex, physical characteristics, etc. determined (at fertilization, week 2, LMP) 4. Called a zygote (week 2, LMP) 5. Cells begin to divide in the embryo (between weeks 2 and 3, LMP days after fertilization) 6. Implantation (begins by week 3, LMP) 7. The heart begins to beat (week 5, LMP) 8. Basic structure of brain and spinal cord have formed (week 6, LMP) 9. Testes / Ovaries begin to form (week 7, LMP) 10. All major organs are present in the fetus (week 11, LMP) 11. Sexual anatomy may be identified by ultrasound (week 16, LMP) 12. Movement may be felt (weeks 18-20, LMP) 13. May viably survive delivery with medical care (week 24, LMP) 14. Gains significant baby fat while all the body systems continue to develop (weeks 25-40, LMP) 15. “Full term” (week 40, LMP)

The back of this handbook includes information on local resources for those experiencing a pregnancy, including pregnancy testing, free ultrasounds, diapers, formula, and parenting support.

Talk to your teen:

• How would your teen expect you to respond if you learned they were experiencing an unexpected pregnancy?

Types of Birth Control

Method of birth control

No method Male Condom Pill Patch Ring Shot IUD Implant Abstinence

Percentage becoming pregnant after one year12

85% 13% 7% 7% 7% 4% < 1% < 1% 0%

Percentage of teens using this method in last 3 months13

10.7% 54.3% 23.3%

3.3%

4.8%

72.6%*

Do you know the laws about birth control in your state?

• Michigan law does not permit school staff to distribute birth control to students.14

• United States law permits teens to access birth control through Title

X programs without parental consent at any age (age of consent for sex is 16).15

Talk to your teen:

• Something I wish I knew about birth control when I was your age is... • Ask your teen to explain the difference between sexual risk avoidance and sexual risk reduction.

DEFINITIONS

Abuse involves using verbal, physical, or sexual violence “to gain and maintain control in that relationship.”16

Sexual assault is any sexual contact that was not agreed to, whether accomplished by force or coercion.17

Consent means both people say yes clearly and freely to the sexual experience. Consent is not possible if: • Either person is under the age of 16 (in MI). • Either person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. • Either person is mentally disabled or incapable of consent.17

Sexting is requesting, sending, or receiving sexually explicit messages, photos, or videos (nude or semi-nude). Legal consequences can apply if anyone under the age of 18 is involved.18

Pornography is “the portrayal of explicit sexual content for the purpose or intent of causing sexual arousal.”19

Trafficking is “a form of modern-day slavery in which people profit from the control and exploitation of others...”20

Alcohol is the most frequently used date rape drug.21

Talk to your teen:

• Establish a safety code with your teen so they know you are always available when they are in any kind of trouble. • Is there another adult you both trust who they could contact when you’re not available or when your teen needs help processing a situation before talking to you?

ART?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Help your teen think through situations where they might feel pressured before it actually happens.

1. What would you do if you were at a friend’s house and they offered you alcohol or drugs?

2. What would you do if a friend or date became increasingly controlling? For example, they get mad if you don’t reply to their texts immediately.

3. What would you do if I left you home alone overnight and a friend or date asked to come over so you could be alone together or hook up?

4. What would you do if you rode with friends to a party, and you realized the driver was a little buzzed (under the influence of alcohol) when it was time to leave?

5. What would you do if a friend told you that a teacher or coach had touched them inappropriately?

6. What would you do if a friend wanted to show you a porn site they found?

7. What would you do if someone requested a revealing or nude picture of you?

8. What would you do if an “ex” had revealing pictures of you and threatened to share them if you refused to do something sexual with their friend?

9. What would you do if I was out of town and you were home alone and a group of friends showed up with alcohol and said more people were on their way?

Sex and Emotions

• Sexually active teens have higher rates of depression.22 • Sexually active teens are more likely to have attempted suicide.23

Delayed gratification means saying no to something today so you can say yes to something better later. Delayed gratification trades the small, short-term benefits of an action now for better, long-term benefits later for you and your future partner. • How have you tried to teach your child(ren) to practice delayed gratification? • What is an example of something you often have to tell them to wait for? (Video games, hanging out with friends, spending money, etc.) • How do you help them understand the long-term benefits of waiting for a short time?

Chemistry of Love24

When we “fall in love,” especially when we are experiencing infatuation and sexual desire, our bodies make hormones that flood our brains and affect how we feel about that person.

• Norephinephrine (NE) makes us lie awake at night and helps us burn the emotional experience in our minds for easy recall. • Phenylethylamine (PEA) contributes to the feeling of “love” by increasing the affects of NE and Dopamine. • Dopamine activates the reward center, making the person feel good and want to repeat the behavior. • Vasopressin and oxytocin can create a feeling of closeness during sexual activity.

Talk to your teen:

• What values about sex do you want to share with your teen? • Why do you think depression and suicide risk are high among teens who have had sex?

DATING P.L.A.N.

Purpose (Why am I in this relationship?)

Limits (How far would I go physically in this relationship?)

Attraction (Love, Infatuation, Sexual Desire)

Non-Negotiables (I would never date someone who...)

Remember! Teens need to know that regardless of whether a person has had sex, or that choice was taken from them, they can always make the choice to wait.

Ask your teen about their dating “P.L.A.N.” Offer to help your teen with the Dating P.L.A.N. Essay or Video. Maybe they’ll let you film them or act as an extra in the video.

Talk to your teen:

• What do the words “Date” and “Dating” mean to teens today? • Are there other terms teens use for two people in an exclusive, romantic relationship? • How is dating different from “hanging out”?

Share your expectations for them when they begin dating.

BUILDING BLOCKS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Ask your teen where they think the following traits fit into a healthy relationship: honesty and trust, communication, respect, compromise, unselfish love, and similar values.

3

2

1 ALL RELATIONSHIPS

2 CLOSER RELATIONSHIPS

3 THE ABSOLUTE CLOSEST RELATIONSHIPS

Talk to your teen:

• How would you explain the differences between love, infatuation, and sexual desire? • What role does each form of attraction play in a relationship? • Which Relationship Building Block is your teen currently working to develop? • Which Building Block trait did you think is the most important in committed relationships?

We hope the Willing to Wait program has equipped your teen to make healthy choices. And we hope you have been empowered to support them in their healthy decisions.

Remember, you do not have to be a perfect parent. The important thing is for you to be present. You are the strongest influence on your teen’s ability to make healthy choices related to sex and relationships.

“Nearly nine in 10 teens (87%) say that it would be much easier for teens to delay sexual activity and avoid teen pregnancy if they were able to have more open, honest conversations about these topics with their parents.”25

There is no right way to have “The Talk.” Your voice matters, and whether they show it or not, your teen is listening. They need your wisdom and need to know your reasons.

Parents are the greatest influence on their teens’ choices about sex!26

For more information about the Willing to Wait program and how you can continue to help your child make healthy choices about sex, visit willingtowait.com.

RESOURCES

Medical Services PRC Grand Rapids - Free Pregnancy Testing and Low-Cost STD Testing - 616.456.6873 Kent County Health Dept. (STD testing) 616.632.7171 National AIDS & STD Hotline - 1.800.CDC.INFO Safe Delivery of Newborns Hotline - 1.866.733.7733

Sexual Assault Services YWCA Sexual Assault Crisis Line - 616.454.YWCA Rape Abuse & Incest Hotline - 1.800.656.HOPE

Domestic & Relationship Abuse Services Safe Haven Ramoth House Shelter - 616.452.6664 YWCA Domestic Violence Shelter - 616.454.YWCA National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1.800.799.SAFE National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline - 1.866.331.9474

Suicide Prevention Services National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1.800.273.TALK Text “GO” to 741741

Homeless/Runaway Services The Bridge - Homeless Youth Services - 616.451.3001 AYA Youth Collective - info@ayayouth.org - 616.406.3945 National Runaway Hotline - 1800Runaway.org or 1.800.786.2929

CyberSafety & Pornography Protection www.ProtectYoungEyes.com www.FightTheNewDrug.org

Parenting Support PRC Wyoming - Parenting and Material Support - 616.261.0014

COUPON

FREE PREGNANCY TESTING AND/OR FREE STD TESTING

To schedule an appointment, call 616.456.6873 or text 616.284.1545

PRC GRAND RAPIDS 415 Cherry Street SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49503

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