When Panic Knocks
What if I don’t like it? What if I mess it up royally? Cuz I could. Because I have. If I just knew what to expect…maybe then I could plan. Just a bit. A heads up would be so…helpful. I was reminded of this just today. I was picking up and going over my “to do” list in my head. Monday, the day I have off so I needed to get the dinners ready for the week because making dinner on the day I worked always proves insane. And the calls I had to make, the calls I was expecting, and all in all I was not really paying much attention to my youngest chattering away. But then I realized in mere days he would be five. My youngest. Would be five. And in this year we were in, he would be starting school for five full days a week.
I’m not sure I know how to cope with that. As I moved on to laundry and he began to set up his train set, my mind was still racing with the to do list but still thinking how I had no idea what this year holds. And it frightens me. Panics me a bit. Not that I can change it, not that I expect anything bad, it’s just the unknown. Abraham set up his track, it had sharp sudden ends here and there, a bunch of track from one end of the room to the other, making no sense and yet he happily chugged his train along. “Back up! Back up!” I heard him say in his best conductor voice. “Okay, see you next stop!” My husband, who happened to be home and happens to help build roads for a job, was finishing his coffee. I hinted to him how much Abraham would like it if Daddy played trains with him.
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