THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2013
Comment Republicans are for both the man and the dollar, but in case of conflict the man before the dollar.
METEOR CRASH
Agence France-Presse
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rom a dirty plastic chair in a rundown district of the Philippine capital, an ailing man claiming to be the head of an ancient Muslim dynasty whispers defiant decrees that infuriate a president. Jamalul Kiram III, who insists he is the genuine “Sultan of Sulu”, emerged from political obscurity this month after a few dozen of his armed followers sailed to neighbouring Malaysia to stake an ancestral territorial claim. The gunmen took control of a small coastal village in Sabah state on Borneo island, triggering a standoff with Malaysian security forces that has yet to be resolved and deeply embarrassing Philippine President Benigno Aquino. Although he is weak from kidney disease that needs twiceweekly dialysis, Kiram, 74, insists he is willing to take on the Philippine and Malaysian governments to assert his family’s claim to resource-rich Sabah. Speaking in a voice barely above a whisper, he tells reporters who gather daily at his modest two-storey home that his “royal army” will never abandon Sabah. “If they have to die, then they will die. They are sacrificing (themselves) for whatever may happen,” he said this week after Aquino ordered Kiram to withdraw his men back to their southern Philippine island homes. Kiram’s house in Manila is festooned with banners proclaiming the “Sultanate of Sulu and North Borneo,” with a coat of arms showing two crossed swords, informing visitors on the pot-holed street that they are in royal territory. Kiram speaks nostalgically of the Sulu sultanate’s glory days before European colonisation, when it ruled over Sabah.
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Things that go ‘Boom Boom’ at night BUT SERIOUSLY
Abraham Lincoln Former US President
The return of the Sultan MYNARDO MACARAIG
HIGH-FLYING THOUGHTS
If people had been obsessed with Messi and Ronaldo, there’s a new star on the block who could share some of their limelight. Not that he’s a meteor who landed from now where, Gareth Bale has been quietly working his way up and been superbly consistant. It’s a wonder if any player is talked about than Leo and CR7.
Ajay Hotchandani
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n February 14th, 2013 many a guys hopes came crashing down when their attempts to woo a girl on Valentine’s Day failed. On February 15th, 2013 a meteor came crashing down in Russia. Within seconds of the “BOOM” over 1,500 people were injured and buildings in six cities were damaged. (I’m like the meteor at times, only takes me seconds to go “BOOM”, damaging mainly bed sheets, but not really injuring anyone!) That morning I woke up to a message asking if I heard about the meteor and other possible impact sites. Without hesitation I did what anyone else would have done, put on a pair of clean underwear, so incase I die, I’m not embarrassed by being found in dirty underwear. Next I went online to find out what really happened. The initial reports noted that it was only one meteor and the rest of the world had nothing to worry about. Let’s revisit the scenario, but this time it’s a bit different. You wake up to a text mes-
sage (because despite the world coming to an end, people will send a text message or post it on facebook before calling to give you a heads up), saying “Meteorite about to impact earth, we all will be dead in 10 minutes if you don’t forward this message to 10 people on your contact list!” So you find out you have 10 minutes to live, what do you do? First off, we are assuming that you got this message the minute it was sent out and not 5 minutes after, thereby giving you only 5 minutes to wrap things up. Of course there is the usual, call family members and say “you *#&$#*, you borrowed my Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge DVD and didn’t return it!” Then you call up those other friends and family to say bye, some of them, not because you want to, but do so just in case you run into them in heaven (assuming you even go there) and they are like “Hey I was trying to call you but you sent me to voicemail”, or you don’t want to feel guilty right before dying. For those of you who like to plan ahead, I’m sure there is a website or phone number that you can use to make an appointment, because when you get to heaven (or hell), there will be one line for those who have appointments and one line to make an appointment, and there is no bribing anyone to get
ahead of line in heaven (seriously, if you thought you would try to cut into the line or bride someone, we all know where you are going). Now that you have made your appointment online, you still have 4 minutes left. When you come to think of it, four minutes might be too much time. You now have to sit for four minutes to wait and die and you really can’t think of what else there is to do. You can update your facebook status, “About to check out of Earth and this body, it’s been great knowing you all, hope to see some of you up there…I hope they have facebook in heaven.”
(hit Like button). You now have three minutes left. Seriously! Did someone just suggest praying? You had your entire life to pray and you wait till eminent death to pray! That’s like studying for four years of medical school in five minutes and expecting to pass without any issues. This is where it gets a bit tricky because in certain religions you can be forgiven for all your sins within seconds (or a minute if your list is as long as mine), while in other religions you may spend a lifetime paying for those sins…let’s get the forgiving thing over quickly before “BOOM” happens!
EDITORIALS It Don’t Matter If You’re Black Or White
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fter Pope Benedict XVII announced his decision to call it a day, it set many tongues wagging and among many of them were about who would the next pope be and would it be a black pope. A black pope? Yes, of the fifteen Cardinals that could become the representative of God on earth for millions of Roman Catholics, Peter Turkson of Ghana is among the front-runners. Not because of his compassion, not for his piety, not for his faith, it’s as if his eligibility arises from that fact that he is black. But should that matter at all, should the fact that he is black be the deciding factor? No. In matters of religion, such aspects must not hold sway. The criteria must be based upon the qualities of the men in the race. The Cardinal of Australia says Benedict was a good teacher, but did not have the
READERS’ VIEWS
knack for governance. If the ability for governance is indeed something a pope must have, then let the next man be someone who is known for that. The Pope’s statements and speeches hint at more than his physical incapability to lead believers in these modern times when the foundation upon which the church was built is beginning to look shaky with the advance of science and technology and with every report that exposes the wrongs and iniquities of the men charged with holding aloft the faith and show millions the way. It matters not whether the next pope is black or white. He must start from where Benedict is leaving. He must bravely address the issues that have put the church in crisis and earned it infamy. That is what’s important, not colour, race or any other factor.
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