Who Are They? Katie Altham
Other Titles from Archetrek: Who Am I? - An Archetypal Quest, Katie Altham, 2006 Who Am I? - How To, Katie Altham, 2006
Š 2007 Katie Altham Published and distributed by Archetrek™ P.O. Box 493 Hillarys Western Australia 6923 enquiries@archetrek.com www.archetrek.com Apart from fair dealing for the purpose of private study, research, criticism or review as permitted by the Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced without prior written permission of the author and Archetrek. ISBN 978-1-921033-04-9 Perth, Western Australia.
We at Archetrek are in the business of helping others name and realise their dreams. The archetypes validate our dreams and passions and prove they’re realistic. They provide evidence that we’ve got what it takes to achieve them. Our shadows name the lessons and obstacles we must overcome, and our light shows us how, naming our purpose and path. The result? DREAMS BECOME REALITY!
Call 1300 55 72 75 or see our website for details.
www.archetrek.com
About the Author Katie Altham (B. Mus, BA Psych, Post Grad Dip Psych) has been in private practice as a psychotherapist for eighteen years. She began her life as a professional trumpet player, but life took her in another direction. By the age of 24 years she was eligible for the disability pension, spending four to eight days every fortnight bedridden with migraines. This debilitating condition lasted for over fifteen years. Western medicine was unable to help. Katie then embarked on her quest for health, embracing many alternative therapies. Twenty one years later she is migraine free. Her three books are the result of this quest. Katie has three gorgeous kids and a wonderful step-daughter. She lives in Perth, Western Australia. Her family are loyal members of the Dockers football club, something they enjoyed more in 2006 when the club was doing better! She loves touring with her workshops and doing media interviews. She could talk under water! To relax, you’ll find her meditating in her outdoor spa! Her six main archetypes are: Queen, Hermes, Wizard, Hecate, Kali and Artist. Katie Altham’s book ‘Who Are They?’ is the third title in the series, ‘Who Am I? - An Archetypal Quest’ and ‘Who Am I? - How To’ the companion workbook.
Katie Altham
Acknowledgements I am blessed to have an amazing team around me who believe in this work as passionately as I do. Karyn Maxwell and Peta Petrocchi have had vital input, while Patricia Todd, Norrie Anderson and Pam Dunn helped to plan and edit this book. Their wise guidance is much appreciated! Mark Dunn, Paul Robbshaw, Linda Parkes and Lucy Wilkinson have also made valuable contributions to Archetrek. Special thanks to Alison Bride whose fabulous cartoons and icons enhance every archetype. We love Ali’s work. Josh Alach was the photographer of the fabulous cover. He and Matt Jelonek, of Portsafe, also designed and formatted the book. Their work is always exceptional. Our stunning models for the front cover are Pam and Mark Dunn and my beautiful kids, Eden, Jessie and Sandy. Thanks to Kasey Williams for the great makeup. It is a great picture guys! Thanks to Brendan Read for my photos. He’s a wonderfully creative photographer. Huge thanks to Trudy Johnston and Belinda Aucott of TJC Publicity for their vision, passion, support and commitment. Ed Petrie, operations manager from Gary Allen Book Distribution had the faith in this work to bring it to light. Known as the man who says “No”, Ed said “Yes” to us! Thanks Ed. Gerry Alleaume from Mates Rates needs special mention for his support and creativity with our website. I’d like to thank all the incredible clients I’ve had the opportunity to work with and learn from. Without your help none of this work would be possible. I’m so fortunate that the people I work with are also my closest friends. They, along with Jacqueline Holmes, Joan Wright, Kaye Simpson, Roslyn de Souza and Anne Marie Budd have all been brilliant in their support through challenging times these last few years. My sister Gail Lawson and parents, Norrie and John Anderson have also been amazing in helping me stay afloat. You all make such a difference to me! Finally I must thank and acknowledge my terrific kids. Eden is 16, Jessie 13 and Sandy 9, and my step-daughter Bonni 24. I’ve been a single parent for nearly two years now and without their support, patience, love and encouragement I wouldn’t have been able to write this book and work away as I do. I love them all and am incredibly proud of the people they are becoming. Together we are growing and evolving, creating better and better lives with each other, even though I still can’t cook! (Without a Demeter, Hestia, Dionysus or Hera there was no chance I would ever want to!) I love our journey together. Thank you!! xxxx
Katie
Table of Contents INTRODUCTION
8
KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER
14
ACTOR STORYTELLER The entertaining drama queen
18
APHRODITE/EROS The love/sex gods
25
APOLLO The successful ‘yuppie’ professional
32
ARTEMIS The determined tomboy/huntress
39
ARTIST The talented, driven creator
46
CHAMELEON The shy, disappearing pleaser
53
CHILD The archetype we all share
60
DEMETER The protective earth mother/educator
66
DIONYSUS The hedonistic bohemian
73
FAIRY The magically creative space cadet
80
HADES The charmingly clever manipulator
87
HECATE The blunt, psychic, healing witch
94
HEPHAESTUS The dutiful, servant worker
101
HERA The possessive spouse/partner
108
HERMES The enterprising big ideas messenger
115
HESTIA The angel mother nurturer
122
KALI The primal raging mother
129
KING/QUEEN The controlling ‘know all’ leader
136
LION COWARD The hiding, shy, silent one
143
MARS The volatile, passionate rebel
150
MASTER SLAVE The ‘all or nothing’ addictive personality
157
MIDAS/MISER The obsessive money worrier
164
OLYMPIAN The fitness first perfectionist
171
ORPHEUS The sensitive minstrel poet
178
PALLAS ATHENA The strategic warrior queen
185
PERSEPHONE The forever young, insecure maiden
192
PHILOSOPHER The contemplator of eternal questions
199
PRIESTESS The alternative, reclusive, spiritual witch
206
PRINCE/PRINCESS The popular, easygoing ‘in’ crowd
213
SATURN The conservative father, teacher, boss
220
TRICKSTER The provocative, laser sharp comedian
227
URANUS The eccentric, absent minded professor
234
WIZARD The wise, prophetic, impatient mentor
241
ZEUS The absolute king and dictator
248
QUEEN PALLAS ATHENA The double whammy queen
255
Introduction Have you ever needed a ‘how to’ manual for relationships and life issues? How are we supposed to just know how to guide others? People can be so bewildering and full of contradictions at times… ‘Who Are They?’ will help you understand your partners, children, friends, family, colleagues and bosses, and, more importantly, give you practical tools to help them when they’re struggling. Using the wonderfully neutral language of archetypes, you’ll recognise who they really are and discover how best to reach and support them. Archetypes define personality traits, including all our talents, gifts, ambitions, values, motivations, contradictions and challenges. They are like two sides of a coin with a light and shadow side. To have the specific strengths of an archetype (the light), we must inevitably have the shadow side as well (its challenges). Our shadows are everything we wouldn’t share on a date or include on our resume! Our light names our purpose and unique talents.
Our archetypes name our soul’s DNA. We’re born with our archetypes, though how we’re raised greatly impacts their expression. Archetypes dictate our tastes and choices in everything. Even if the words are new, we all understand them. They’re in every TV drama, movie, myth, fairytale, real life story and book. Young children understand them. We all know what a Queen/King, Princess, Mother, Teacher, Actor, Miser, Coach and Fairy are like. They’re archetypes! You can use your knowledge of archetypes, gained in this book, to help others fully understand and accept themselves. This knowledge transforms relationships. They become more confident and proactive, and let go of trying to be people they’re not. Naming and recognizing who they really are enables them to validate their dreams. This in turn leads to the creation of more meaningful and happy lives. Supporting others to this place in life is so fulfilling!
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Wherever Katie and the Archetrek team of practitioners have been, they’ve heard the same types of questions: “I know my daughter/son is a Queen/King but how do I manage her/him?” “Now I know who they are from the archetypes, what do I do from here?” “My boss is definitely a Pallas. How do I handle her?” “My husband is a Mars but I can’t get through to him. Can you give me some clues?” People working in human resources, therapy fields, teaching, business, social work, marketing and parents have all seen the amazing potential of this model but wanted a condensed version with definitive strategies, complimenting the complete 113 archetype model from ‘Who Am I?’...
This is it! ‘Who Are They?’ focuses on naming the 6 main archetypes for everyone you know, from the 33 most common and powerful archetypes.
Katie’s 6 main archetypes and Child
Wizard
Child
Hermes
Queen
Hecate
Kali
Artist
Who Are They?
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What’s In ‘Who Are They?’ Naming Their Greatest Strengths and Contributions Naming the light potential of each archetype inspires a positive focus. We often recognise shadow traits but undermine, doubt and hide the light. The light names aspects of their purpose, validating their dreams.
Case Studies Every archetype has a true story to help us see how each archetype behaves, relates and processes in real life. The names and some identifying details have been altered. Stories are wonderful teaching tools. As we read these stories we can easily identify if others have a particular archetype.
What Each Archetype Values and Loathes ‘Who Are They?’ names what each specific archetype highly values, providing wonderful clues to help you find a way to reach others. It also names what they absolutely loathe, in other words what not to do with them. Their loathings also name their shadows! This is helpful for every relationship!
Potential Health Issues Included in this book are some potential health problems associated with particular archetypes. Having an illness in no way means a person is more in shadow, however, healing health issues can always be aided by adopting light archetypal traits. Keep in mind, they may not have any illnesses.
Underlying Unconscious Agendas Underlying or subconscious agendas rule much in our lives. Personal and spiritual development enable us to become more conscious of how and why we are behaving and choosing as we do. This helps us get to the crux of issues, which we often can’t see or name. Knowing the real issue immediately directs our attention effectively, so we’re not distracted by red herrings and old stories.
The Masculine and Feminine These aspects of our psyches are explained in more detail in Books 1 & 2. The ideal is to be balanced between the two, which is always a challenge! The masculine is the visible, proactive, passionate, decisive, giving and ‘doing’ part. The feminine is the less visible, intuitive, contemplative, silent, still, nurturing, receiving, receptive and ‘being’ part within us.
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How They Get Into Trouble Every archetype self-sabotages and gets into trouble! This can be with behaviours, attitudes, beliefs, perceptions and emotions. Now we know for certain where these self-sabotaging patterns will lead!
Deepest Fears We all fear rejection. There are four specific styles of rejection. One of these fears has caused much pain and unconsciously influenced many choices throughout their lives. Every archetype relates to one deepest fear. The four main categories are: Fear of unworthiness (not being good enough) Fear of abandonment (being alone) Fear of hatred (being persecuted or executed) Fear of humiliation (being shamed or ridiculed) See ‘Who Am I? - How To’ for a detailed explanation of deepest fears.
Possible Careers Knowing best potential career paths is of obvious benefit, especially for teens, and when at a crossroads. They’re born with their archetypes, so these strengths and talents will always be present.
Reactive and Compatible Archetypes There are types of people we always like, and those who always push our buttons. It all comes back to their archetypes! We all need to learn how to co-exist with archetypes we react to, because they can be living with us at home or work.
What to Do! Finally, the point of it all! Now we know who they are and can understand why they are as they are, what can we do? The strategies provided are the culmination of over twenty years work in this field and have been applied very successfully.
Enjoy watching the transformations unfold!
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Linking all the Archetypes The archetypes in italics are the remainder of the 113 archetypes linked to the main 33. Some are mentioned more than once. The reader can read each and apply the relevant tips.
Main 33
Linked Archetypes (from ‘Who Am I?’)
Actor Storyteller
Networker, Evangelist
Aphrodite/Eros
Lover, Hedonist, Sacred Prostitute
Apollo
Mentor, Healer, Politician, Mediator, Advocate, Lawyer, Judge, Analyst Visionary, Detective
Artemis
Environmentalist, Healer, Wanderer, Elf
Artist
Genius, Mentor, Disciple
Chameleon
Mediator
Demeter
Mother, Father, Teacher, Rescuer, Martyr, Environmentalist
Dionysus
Lover, Hedonist, Neptune, Dreamer, Shaman, Priestess, Hermit, Giant, Wanderer
Fairy
Godmother, Clown, Peter Pan, Actor Storyteller
Hades
Ingenious Schemer, Mercenary, Murderer, Kidnapper
Hecate
Healer, Detective, Mystic
Hephaestus
Servant, Healer, Clown, Craftsman, Designer, Giant, Lion Coward)
Hera
Maiden/Romantic, Host/Hostess, Prince/ Princess, King/Queen
Hermes
Entrepreneur, Evangelist, Networker, Magician, Alchemist, Ingenious Schemer, Gambler, Trader, Peter Pan, Actor Storyteller, Reporter, Trickster
Main 33
Linked Archetypes (continued)
Hestia
Nun, Sage, Angel, Servant, Companion, Mother, Godmother, Giant, Elf, Doolittle
Kali King/Queen
Mentor, Godfather, Entrepreneur, Manager, Judge
Lion Coward
Mediator, Chameleon, Companion
Mars
Rebel, Cowboy, Pirate, Trickster, Warrior, Villain
Master Slave
Gambler, Hedonist
Midas/Miser Olympian
Warrior, Pioneer, Animal Trainer, Hero, Soldier
Orpheus
Peter Pan
Pallas Athena
Advocate, Scholar, Reporter, Analyst Visionary, Environmentalist, Lawyer, Manager, Politician, Detective, Entrepreneur
Persephone
Maiden, Mystic, Priestess, Disciple, Beggar
Philosopher Priestess
Shaman, Mystic, Disciple
Prince/Princess
Hostess, Angel, Companion
Saturn
Mentor, Teacher, Soldier, Father, Engineer, Farmer, Priest, Hero, Analyst Visionary, Detective, Manager
Trickster Uranus
Scholar, Scientist, Trickster, Computer Wiz
Wizard
Mentor, Priest, Prophet, Historian, Teacher, Mystic, Neptune
Zeus
Godfather, Politician, Father, Entrepreneur, Judge
Key Points to Remember Everyone can be fully named by choosing their 6 main archetypes from this list of 33. Everyone has the Child archetype, in one form or another. It is their 7th archetype in this model. The Questions at the front of each archetype clarify the archetypes people have. If we can say “Yes” to every question as we describe the ‘other’ we’re focussing on, then they almost certainly do have that archetype. If you’re ambivalent about one question, but can say ‘Yes’ to the rest, read on, they probably still do have this archetype.
Archetypes are not gender specific. Men have goddesses and women gods. People can and will have many gods and goddesses in their cluster of 6 archetypes. There are no ‘bad’ archetypes. All have light and shadow and all are neutral. The light sides of our six archetypes name our purpose and best career path, and the shadows of our six name our key lessons and the mistakes we will inevitably make! The journey of our shadow is the journey from our heads to our hearts. Under every shadow event is a shadow belief about self which needs to be challenged. Having discovered the 6 major archetypes for others, you will find a more detailed description of every archetype’s light and shadow characteristics in ‘Who Am I? - An Archetypal Quest’. There are famous examples and parenting advice for every archetype.
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Katie and her Archetrek team frequently tour Australia offering workshops with this model. For more information look up our website.
www.archetrek.com
THE 33 MOST COMMON & POWERFUL ARCHETYPES
Actor Storyteller
The entertaining drama queen
Key Questions Do they tell stories about everything and often reveal all about themselves? Have they often been in trouble for telling another’s private (personal) story? Do they love being the focus of attention, entertaining others? Do they love to exaggerate when retelling stories? Can they be a ‘drama-queen’ who thrives on emotional intensity?
Greatest Strengths and Contribution Actor storytellers are larger than life. They love life with a passion, embracing every experience and feeling. They are very gifted in selfexpression, with energy that can hold and inspire large audiences. They’re fabulous teachers and use humour and exaggeration to great effect. They remain connected to their true selves and stories, and let go of playing life as a series of entertaining caricatures. They share everything in their lives with great honesty and charisma. They love people and their stories while respecting their privacy. They are emotionally brave. They’re here to touch and open our hearts, share their wisdom and enrich our lives.
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Actor Storyteller Case Study Georgie laughs louder than anyone I’ve ever met. She lives life to the full and we have been through many emotional roller-coaster rides together. Georgie is a true friend for life and a wonderful woman who inspires many. Our ups and downs have been dramatic. What else from two Actor Storytellers! Now we’re learning to live passionately and a little less melodramatically… When you meet Georgie everything stops. She has an intensity that captivates instantly. When she wants to know your story, you feel very special indeed. She hangs on every nuance and exclaims in all the right places. She lets you tell your story all the way through, with a proper build up to get to the climax, because she is an Actor Storyteller and that’s how she tells stories too. Others want her to get to the point, but she can’t. She has to tell all, or you’ll miss the significance of the finale. Georgie went through a huge life changing experience nine years ago. She was diagnosed with a brain tumour. The mother of two, with her marriage in its final days, was devastated and shocked. She’d always somewhat thrived on the dramas in her life but this one threw her for six. She began to do all she could to heal, and shut herself away. Months later, the 17 hour operation took place. She nearly died and suffered a stroke which paralysed one side of her face, leaving her deaf in one ear. Friends and family rallied, and after days in intensive care Georgie tentatively emerged to begin her new life. Treatments followed and she was on her way, yet very fragile. The marriage ended. She had a lot to deal with, and needed to help her kids believe they weren’t going to lose their mother as well. Georgie took quite some time to come back to her full self. She never spoke to anyone of all that had happened. When diagnosed, she wouldn’t let people be negative or use the word cancer around her. She held it all in. Actor Storytellers tell everything to everyone, especially things others deem as private, except when they haven’t come to terms with an issue. Georgie carried around her unresolved pain and fears for years after her diagnosis. Several years later in a large archetype workshop, we were studying the Actor Storyteller. Georgie decided courageously then and there she needed to tell everyone her true story, which she had barely acknowledged to herself. She told us about her terrors for her kids and herself. She told us about the incredible pain she had been through on all levels. She shared her despair when her beautiful face remained lopsided after her stroke. How could a thirty-something Princess live like that? She knew about death and she knew about life. She valued it and we didn’t, and we were told we didn’t! She cried, she yelled, she was silent and she was quiet. We were mesmerised. Georgie changed us all that day. Her relief at finally unburdening
herself and coming to terms with what had been, was instantly transforming. She was at peace. We all loved and appreciated life and our loved ones better after that day. We forget sometimes, but thinking of Georgie helps us remember. Georgie went on to become a very gifted therapist and healer. She shares everything in her life including this story with whoever it might help. She’s been in trouble for sharing stories and secrets that weren’t hers, what Actor Storyteller hasn’t! She has her shy days as we all do, but she makes a difference with her Actor Storyteller leading the way. Georgie helps others find their true voice and stories. They find their courage to live passionately, openly and honestly. A visible life is an authentic life and that’s Georgie to a tee. For all the Princesses who are concerned about Georgie’s face, it healed after a few years and she is more beautiful today than ever! (Georgie laughed really loudly when she read this last line!)
Values Love, passion, fire, colour, honesty, courage, openness, exaggeration, entertaining, T.V, Foxtel, emotional intensity, drama, others’ stories, transformation, movies, truth, wisdom, insight, sharing, intimacy, authenticity, being valued and acknowledged, admiration, performing, generosity.
Loathes Excessive privacy, hiding, emotional frigidity, over rationalising, scepticism, cynicism, narrow mindedness, judgement, blame, being misunderstood, fear, emotional cowardice, the banal, boredom, indifference, lack of freedom, being controlled, moderation, not being real.
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Gets Into Trouble By ♦ Being addicted to drama and emotional intensity. Having no stability in their lives. ♦ Exhausting and alienating others with their incessant soap opera lives. ♦ Telling others’ secrets and stories, when it wasn’t their story to tell. ♦ Gossiping and disrespecting others’ need for privacy. ♦ Competing for the spotlight and taking over from others. Being insensitive to others’ needs and devaluing their point of view. Being overly loud and crass. ♦ Exaggerating excessively, so others never believe what they’re saying. ♦ Playing the role of the vibrant entertainer all the time, even when in pain or distress. Hiding from their real story and pretending they’re fine. Not being real. ♦ Being the ‘boy who called wolf’. Telling such heavy stories for so long that, when in a genuine crisis others fail to see the significance and see it as attention seeking. ♦ Becoming delusional. After telling their stories with dramatic licence for so long, they start to believe them, and lose connection to the truth. ♦ Completely exhausting and draining others. Thriving on horror and victim stories for self and others. Becoming emotionally needy and demanding. ♦ Insensitively playing the star in every group (which attracts resentment and jealousy). An archetype that can be quite balanced with the masculine and feminine.
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Health Issues Burn out, delusion, hypochondria, addictions (this is an excessive archetype in every way), headaches.
Underlying Agenda To entertain, ensuring attention and therefore love. Actor Storytellers are compulsive entertainers who crave adoration from their ‘audience’, whoever they’re with at the time. They have to be constantly loved, admired, recognised and reassured.
Style of Processing Heart: It is all about heart and people for this archetype. They love people, and relationships are their highest priority. Gifted with intimacy, they can connect deeply with others in seconds.
Deepest Fear Hatred: Actor Storytellers can’t bear indifference, but even worse is being hated. They need to be loved and appreciated at all times. Their stories are often about love and hatred, which is melodramatically appropriate. They need to love themselves and be as real as they can.
Possible Careers Acting, dramatic arts, teaching, any area in entertainment, music, the arts, media, television, radio, film, writing, comedy, being famous, starring in soap operas!
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What to Do! ♦ Have patience with their story and let them tell it all. If in a hurry, tell them you need a short version now, or save it for later. Let them choose. It will nearly kill them! ♦ Actor Storytellers have to share particularly juicy stories immediately. They add their own touch to the tale and never tell it the same way twice. They’re not lying, they’re entertaining you. Do not repress them or they’ll become depressed. ♦ Teach them to make sure they have permission to tell the tale before instantly texting their extended phone tree. If they’re not sure, ask! They need to learn that others feel incredibly exposed and vulnerable when their lives are revealed in this way. ♦ Actor Storytellers love telling all about their lives. Nothing is private. In fact the more private the news is, the more captivating. This suits them. They’ll never learn moderation so give up trying to convince them. They can talk as much as they like about themselves, they’ll learn. However they must respect others’ lives and privacy. ♦ Teach them that they’ll hear many more secrets if others know they can trust and rely on their discretion. That should be all the motivation they need. They will inevitably make mistakes here and unintentionally tell another’s story to gain some temporary glory. Teach them always to apologise and own their mistakes. ♦ Actor Storytellers have ‘foot in mouth disease,’ like their close friends the Trickster and Hermes. Again, when they are insensitive, too blunt or revealing, apologise. Admitting these mistakes means taking responsibility. They must do this or they’ll never be trusted and risk losing many good friends. They have huge hearts, so appeal to them. ♦ Actor Storytellers love television and movies. If they have Demeter or Priestess parents in particular, this can become a problem! They may disapprove of television as a mindless waste of time. Not so for this archetype. (I know you’re unconvinced but see my first book ‘Who Am I?’ and check out all the television, celebrity and movie examples. I was studying archetypes all along!)
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♦ Actor Storytellers thrive on this medium and literally become recharged. They love studying, observing and learning all they can about people. This adds to their wisdom about life. ♦ Actor Storytellers need to stop running on high speed and take regular time out to connect with themselves and find out how they’re really going. They can lose themselves in a role they think others expect and become unreal, something they hate. Self-awareness groups, psychodrama and meditation work brilliantly for them. ♦ Actor Storytellers will be shy with unfamiliar ‘audiences’ or groups they don’t know or haven’t established a role in. Don’t push them here. They are sensitive too. ♦ Acknowledge their courage to live life fully and take every experience on offer. They are impulsive and driven at times, but become more discerning in time. Having experienced so much so intensely, they have a lot of wisdom about life and people. ♦ They need constant compliments and appreciation. Enjoy their charismatic flair! ♦ Trust their perceptions about others. When sensitive to the needs of others and able to maintain a vibrant though stable life, they are gems, who touch and open our lives!
Compatible Archetypes Hermes, Trickster, Clown, Fairy, Dionysus, Artist, Hecate, Orpheus, Wizard, Priestess, Mars, Persephone, Master Slave, Zeus.
Reactive Archetypes Saturn, Uranus, Lion Coward, Pallas Athena, Midas Miser, Hades, Hephaestus, Demeter, Chameleon.
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Aphrodite/Eros
The love/sex gods
Key Questions Are they very passionate, charming, sensual and loving? Do they fear losing their looks and is beauty important to them? Do they draw attention to themselves and their body, and dress in an enticing way? Have they mistaken sex for love and been promiscuous? Have they used people sexually to boost their self-esteem, and then left them?
Greatest Strengths and Contribution Aphrodite and Eros are two separate archetypes with similar issues. They are very sensual, often beautiful, sexually charismatic and desirable. They are here to experience and teach unconditional love. Having established high integrity and strong boundaries they spend their lives exploring the many dimensions of love. Having great courage, with physical love they then evolve to a more spiritual experience of love. Faithful to every aspect of themselves and their partners, they develop long term committed relationships which reach new heights of ecstasy and intimacy. Emotionally mature, they discover the grass is greener within.
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Aphrodite/Eros Case Study Monique was a very attractive woman in her mid thirties. She had that look of someone who had just gotten out of bed from an all night sex session, all the time! She’d had her boobs done and had long, layered, flowing blond hair, with that carefully managed, messy tousled look. She was slim, pert and sensuous. Aphrodite/Eros’s walk differently from the rest of us. They are very aware of their bodies and draw rapt attention the minute they walk into a room. They instinctively turn on the allure and just ooze sex. They don’t even need to be particularly handsome or beautiful. Their overt sexual confidence is magnetic. Monique had this in spades. Beauty was very important to her. She was terrified of growing old and would spend a fortune on whatever products she could, to keep her body toned and in peak condition. Plastic surgery wasn’t an option, it was a requirement! Monique had heard about my first book and asked, “Can you tell me what I am?” Is that a trick question? Aphrodites are so easy to pick!! She read it while I waited and then looked at me aghast. “How did you know this is how I think?” she demanded. “It’s like you’ve been reading my mind. I’m not telling you anything ever again!” Then followed a wonderful line given with total sincerity, “And you even named my idol. Pamela Anderson! I just love her!” Monique then explained that she loved this part of herself the most. It was so much fun, and she was already saving for her facelift in her forties. She wasn’t too sure about her other archetypes, but this was the one that mattered. Every Aphrodite/Eros feels like this. A few months later Monique applied for the job of canteen lady at her daughter’s conservative private school. She often wore knee-hi black boots, mini skirts and tops that revealed her ample cleavage. The thought of her leaning over to give the primary students their lunches was quite comical. She didn’t get the job. I can imagine she made quite an impression walking into school assemblies. Monique was a lovely woman, who was often misunderstood. She attracted looks of admiration from men, and callous bitchiness and jealousy from women. When you know her, she’s delightful.
A snapshop of many with Aphrodite or Eros In many years of private practice I’ve often encountered these archetypes. Charming and gorgeous, they’ve had enormous problems with fidelity, freedom, sexual addictions, immaturity, exploiting their sexuality and developing their whole selves. Many, not all, have lived as ‘swingers’ in open relationships where other sexual partners were actively encouraged if not required. Sex dominated their lives. Group sex sessions, with partner swapping, was common. These people looked like everyone you’ve ever met. It was their secret world and club. Many Eros men (not all of course)
were gay and had an ever rotating parade of partners and purely sexual relationships. They’d defend their sexual choices quite vehemently at first. After a while they’d concede they’d used others to boost their fragile self-esteem. Knowing they were wanted helped temporarily, but they’d soon need more. They felt emptier and emptier, and numbed these feelings with more sex. The sexual risk-taking got more brazen and went to some dark places. With deeper introspection many came to recognise the damage they were doing to their hearts and souls, let alone the devastation caused to others. They learnt to honour their bodies and whole selves. They’d mistaken sex for love. They’d known little of love, and had been unconsciously hating themselves. Self-love included encompassing a spiritual component to their sexual expression. In time they attained sexual fulfilment beyond their dreams. Their sensuality became truly free, safe and unlimited in potential!
Values Passion, youth, beauty, sex, freedom, adventure, good health, fit beautiful bodies, best cosmetics, skin care, expensive fashions, designer gear, luxury, anything sensual, pampering, fine foods/wine, fun, playfulness, latest trends, socialising, partying, night life, dancing, hedonism.
Loathes Restriction, moralising, emotional neediness, commitment, responsibility, envy, jealousy, co-dependency, ugliness, frigidity, rules, being controlled or manipulated, being left, being vulnerable and losing control, being too emotionally involved, growing up, discipline.
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Gets Into Trouble By ♦ Being one dimensional and totally dominated by their sex lives and looks. ♦ Using others to feel temporarily better about themselves. Being completely indifferent to the pain they cause with this behaviour. ♦ Being incapable of experiencing real love. Only offering sex, cheating all. ♦ Being terrified of intimacy in case of rejection. Hurting and leaving others to stay in control and avoid possible rejection. ♦ Refusing to engage emotionally with partners. Being very selfabsorbed and selfish. ♦ Being incredibly shallow and insincere. Focusing on beauty and their bodies and rejecting anything or anyone who doesn’t fit into their standards. ♦ Under developing their other archetypes and talents. Having a huge mid-life crisis when their looks finally begin to go. They then try to behave as if they’re twenty. It’s very sad. ♦ Being competitive and vindictive when wanting to attain their ‘trophy’. They can walk all over others’ relationships to get what they want. ♦ Being incredibly controlling, demanding, spoilt, jealous and lacking in generosity. Their immaturity and precocious behaviour has often been indulged because of their sexual charisma. Their capacity to love others, achieve intimacy and happiness is poor. ♦ Being unfaithful to the real them and everyone else. Ironically a masculine archetype that needs work to develop the true feminine.
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Health Issues Sexual addiction, sexual diseases, injuries due to excessive exercise/gymnastics, cosmetic surgery complications.
Underlying Agenda To win the conquest. Their identity revolves around their ability to ‘have’ whoever they want, whenever they want. To do whatever it takes to remain attractive and enticing also underlies their decision making. To love and be loved passionately is their light.
Style of Processing Body: Incredibly physically self-aware and health conscious, these archetypes process life experiences and relationships through their bodies. They often neglect their hearts and souls.
Deepest Fear Abandonment: They chronically self-abandon and abandon others before they have a chance to reject them. They would deny their self-abandonment but see it with others.
Possible Careers Acting, modelling, beauty industry, television, dance/fitness trainer, massage and healing therapies, luxury product sales, quality gourmet foods, erotic art, dancing and movies.
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What to Do! ♦ These archetypes are all about the actions of self-hate or self-love. They need to find ways to properly connect with themselves. Are their behaviours really satisfying them, or doing more and more damage? They can constantly run from themselves which is self-abandonment. They’ll abandon others soon after. When this happens bring them back to themselves and see what triggered this reactive, self-destructive pattern. ♦ Teach them that sex is not love. It can be an even more amazing experience when coupled with love. Being intimate and able to connect with themselves is essential. Embracing their vulnerability and allowing themselves to flow with love and passion, rather than manage it, is also crucial. They are physically brave, now is the time to learn to be emotionally brave. They’re worth it! They can be masterful lovers with excellent boundaries. Teach them not to seduce others unless they intend to fully follow through. ♦ They can be very stubborn and delusional about their actions and you will need to have patience to outlast their favourite self-justifications. Ask the following questions; “How do you really feel about yourself?” Don’t take the quick pat answers, probe more deeply. “Are you satisfied by your sexual adventures?” “Have you been to this place before?” “Do you move from one to another, ending up just that little bit emptier each time?” “What are you unconsciously avoiding?” “How do you see yourself in your fifties?” That should open things up! They need to be honest with themselves. ♦ Shadow Aphrodite/Eros’s self-esteem is completely wrapped up in shallow externals. They must develop an appreciation for more than the superficial to find happiness and peace. Name their other wonderful qualities and help them see this in others. ♦ Point out they behave as if they’re scared of love, becoming master people manipulators and controllers to avoid risking love. 30
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If they believed they were worth the best and were very precious, would they continue to choose sex and beauty over love? ♦ Trying to meet their needs through more and more sex always fails. The more they indulge this behaviour the more insatiable and unbalanced it becomes. It dominates and inevitably destroys functional relationships and lives. Self-awareness work would help. ♦ Respect others’ relationships as they would want theirs to be respected. They can fear other Aphrodite/Eros’s poaching on their territory and become very jealous. Only do what they want done to them - karma! When they have integrity, they attract the same. ♦ Developing trust in their lovability, not just their sex appeal, heals their heart and soul. ♦ This depends on how they treat themselves. They’re good at pampering and giving themselves the best. They can teach us how to nurture ourselves better in this way. ♦ Learning to be faithful to their real selves is the challenge. Aphrodite/Eros’s must develop their other archetypes and grow up! They avoid it like the plague. Keep reminding them what their lives will look like at fifty if they don’t. ♦ Encourage them to be generous and loving with others. People love them and want to be with them. This is a gift and something they should value and use to enhance life!
Compatible Archetypes Dionysus, Prince/Princess, Zeus, Mars, Master Slave, Hera, Actor Storyteller, Apollo, Queen/King, Midas Miser, Persephone, Artist, Hermes, Hades, Olympian, Priestess.
Reactive Archetypes Saturn, Hephaestus, Hestia, Demeter, Uranus, Lion Coward, Pallas Athena, Kali, Philosopher, Wizard, Hecate. Who Are They?
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Apollo
The successful, ‘yuppie’ professional
Key Questions Are they extremely gifted academically and/or artistically, musically or in sports? Do things seem to come easily for them? Have they seemed the ‘golden haired child’ and often been described as ‘lucky’? Have they won awards, prizes or scholarships and would expect to again? Are they controlling perfectionists, highly ambitious and driven to achieve?
Greatest Strengths and Contribution Apollos are highly gifted, charismatic, intelligent leaders who are selfaware. They have wisdom and humility. They have developed the ability to appreciate others’ talents and value. They see themselves as blessed and share their gifts generously with others. They are often healers. They are not too proud to get their hands dirty and do ordinary things. They have learnt to value themselves and life in terms other than achievement. They have balanced their egos, and are creative, trusting their feelings and intuition as much as their minds. They are idealists, visionaries and peacemakers. Service, not perfection, is the goal. 32
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Apollo Case Study Maggie knew many Apollos. She and her husband ran a very successful sporting goods business which attracted them like a magnet. She found many completely infuriating. They were wealthy, successful professionals who had no idea how we mere mortals lived. They could be dismissive and arrogant, completely wrapped up in their self-important, privileged worlds. She was quite reactive to them. Apollos are very popular with their crowd, but can be disinterested and cold to those they perceive as less than their equal. They engage with other elite all-rounders of comparable talent, success and status. This story is about her encounter with yet another Apollo. His transformation warmed Maggie’s heart. Maggie needed to see a gynaecologist/urologist about a minor procedure. She went to a highly reputable and well-known doctor. Typical of many Apollos, Dr W was not particularly warm or interested as he heard Maggie describe her complaint. After a few moments examining Maggie, Dr W made what he considered to be a very sensible suggestion. While he had her on the operating table he thought he might as well give her a hysterectomy, to save her having to come in later if problems were to arise. Maggie is also a Priestess so this suggestion appalled her. Her Hermes retort was, “How would you like it if I removed your testicles after fixing your bladder?” He nearly combusted. Firstly to be challenged in that way and secondly because he couldn’t see the relevance of her retort! Nothing more was said however, and Maggie had the procedure. He was an excellent surgeon, which was why she was there after all. A few years later Maggie heard that Dr W’s wife had cancer. This was a long drawn out affair. He took time out to nurse her himself, until she eventually passed away. Maggie found herself back at his surgery and asked how he was managing. It was a very different Dr W that Maggie saw. Previously strictly impersonal and professional, he now shared quite willingly. He said he’d learnt what medicine and healing were really all about during his wife’s illness. As his wife had died, his heart and soul had opened and healed. He was now a very humble man. Dr W’s other brilliant talents were now enhanced by the humanitarian that had emerged within.
A snapshot of a Child Apollo It was the end of the school year and the year six students were ending their time in primary school. Their graduation ceremony was a wonderful celebration of the chapter just coming to a close in their lives. The highlight of the evening was the awards. The major prize was the citizenship award for the child who epitomised the values of the school, as well as being a high achiever. One mother in the audience had no idea they even had awards. However, as soon as she did hear about them, she knew that her daughter
would win. Sure enough, the announcement came and her daughter did indeed win. A typical Apollo child, she later heard from her teacher there was no one else in the running. She was the obvious stand-out choice. A couple of years later the same daughter was attending a jazz camp for the first time. The mother went to the end of camp concert and heard there were to be awards for the outstanding musicians. Sure enough, just as she expected, her daughter won. Her daughter puts extreme pressure on herself to be the best every time. If things take a while to master she can feel a failure and become distraught. Fortunately she now knows this is shadow Apollo. Apollos feel lost unless they’re receiving accolades. Knowing their true worth is a challenge.
Values Idealism, beauty, knowledge, high achievement, excellence, refinement, elegance, 5 star luxury, control, anything elite, education, culture, music, the arts, sport, intellect, vision, accolades, recognition, leadership, innovative design and ideas, peace, perfection, the best.
Loathes Compromise, failure, crassness, mediocrity, laziness, ugliness, disorder, chaos, poverty, slumming it, lack of respect, loss of control, the intangibles, airy-fairy people, cowardice, sentimentality, lack of vision, conflict, ignorance, illness, non-achievement.
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Gets Into Trouble By ♦ Being a workaholic with no real sense of value other than through achievements. ♦ Devaluing others and intimacy.
and
failing
to
nurture
relationships
♦ Needing constant accolades and adoration, always having to prove themselves. ♦ Being too superficial and focused on their image and materialistic achievements. ♦ Being a perfectionist with unrealistically high demands on self and others. ♦ Ignoring and discounting feelings and emotional and spiritual needs. ♦ Lacking empathy and being insensitive and unaware of others’ needs. ♦ Refusing to engage in the ordinary chores of life, as if they’re above these tasks. ♦ Being completely self-absorbed and misusing their power and privileges. ♦ Being obnoxious and arrogant and always blaming others. ♦ Being control freaks who fail to trust self, others and life! Strongly masculine, wary and suspicious of the feminine.
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Health Issues Burn out, exhaustion, depression, high blood pressure, strokes, heart conditions, engaging in hedonistic excesses like wine, gourmet food, excessive exercise, work etc
Underlying Agenda To be the best, every day. A more driven archetype you’d be battling to find. The ego in Apollos can be insatiable and drive them into crisis. They can have no idea of how to just ‘be’. They are rarely still and relaxing means being the best food or wine connoisseur, cyclist, sailor, amateur musician, artist etc! To have total control and glory is the shadow agenda.
Style of Processing Mind: Apollos thrive on their intellectual abilities and ideals. They are extremely rational and get excited by new ideas, visions, strategies and concepts. They have great analytical minds. They can justify their way out of anything that challenges them and are very judgemental of arenas they are less adept in. They usually take pride in their bodies, negating heart and soul.
Deepest Fear Humiliation. Apollos fear failure above all else because their identity is so achievement based. Any failure is seen as humiliating and they shame themselves with threats of possible humiliation whenever they are struggling. They expect to be completely competent at everything within five minutes and then have a crisis when they’re not. They harshly judge many of their efforts as failures and are uncompromising.
Possible Careers Doctors, lawyers, pilots, artists, politicians, negotiators, judges, high paying professionals, engineers, architects, designers, healers/therapists, being successful! 36
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What to Do! ♦ Humility is an essential lesson for Apollos. Teach them early to appreciate others’ less visible talents. Apollos have done nothing to deserve their talents. They are simply blessed to have them. It is their responsibility to share and use them well for the benefit of others. There is an innate humanitarian within that needs to come out and transform life for others around the world. ♦ Apollos need to learn how to relax and achieve balance in their lives. If you make it a challenge to overcome they may try it! Yoga, meditation, art classes, cooking, writing, playing or listening to music will help them become more balanced and self-accepting. ♦ Moderation is something they struggle with in all things. Again make self-mastery and inner peace the goal. The constant drive to be and do more is very difficult to live with. Teach them to value themselves as they are, not for what they have done, a nearly impossible concept. Many Apollos will burn out at times and are not able to continue achieving. These are wonderful opportunities for them to learn and go deeper into themselves, connecting with their heart and soul. ♦ Developing empathy for others is very important. Only when they connect to their feelings, intuition and body can they become attuned to others and reach their potential. ♦ Encourage them to regularly do the ordinary things around the house. This way they’ll be able to appreciate others, and realise how privileged they are to have such interesting lives. ♦ Apollos have one speed in life, full speed ahead. Their busyness masks their inner unease with themselves and feelings of unworthiness. Encourage them to explore these feelings and try some personal and spiritual development. It may well spare them a long term illness or crisis later that forces them to learn these lessons. ♦ Get them expressing artistically. It helps them connect and find their vision. ♦ They love beauty and thrive in beautiful and harmonious environments. ♦ Apollos can be very generous and, like Princes and Princesses, aren’t afraid to nurture and pamper themselves. Apollo is the God Who Are They?
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Prince. Encourage this generosity and pampering as it may be the only time they sit still. They must learn to give and receive. ♦ Do not be intimidated by their arguments and justifications. The more heated they are, the more out of their depth. They fear failure and will denigrate things they can’t understand or master. Encourage them to hang in with new things that are unfamiliar, as they will become even more rounded. Refer them back to their feelings when being arrogant and superior. Be patient, it is just hot air. Name their intellectual bullying as an expression of their fear of being out of control. They are natural mediators and will respect your persistence. ♦ Challenge their workaholic behaviours rationally. They will inevitably burn out and have before. It would be better to balance things now so they can continue to work and not have to lose precious days or weeks when things collapse. They often learn this lesson the hard way. ♦ They loathe cowardice. Challenge them to have an open mind to things they don’t understand or can’t explain. They need a strong emotional and spiritual base to work from. They are very intuitive and when they open their hearts the rest flows.
Compatible Archetypes Prince/Princess, King/Queen, Pallas Athena, Saturn, Olympian, Zeus, Mediator, Politician, Lawyer, Analyst Visionary, Artemis, Mentor, Artist, Hedonist.
Reactive Archetypes Fairy, Angel, Maiden, Persephone, Hephaestus, Hecate, Gypsy, Mars, Priestess, Shaman, Rebel, Hermes, Wizard, Neptune, Dreamer, Lion Coward, Demeter.
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Ever had days when you felt like disowning the kids, throttling your partner and knee capping everyone at work? Well, this book is for you! ‘…when we understand others, every relationship benefits. It all comes back to their personalities, their archetypes...’ Archetypes define personality traits. We all know what a Queen, Princess, Gypsy, Olympian, Teacher, Manager, Hostess, or Scholar are like. They’re archetypes! Laugh and cry as you read these true life stories. Identify the 6 major archetypes of everyone you know to reveal their: • Best career choices • Underlying fears & motivations • Potential health issues • Self-destructive patterns (and why they drive you mad!) • Purpose Discover what you can do to help them back to their best! All is revealed in this easy to read book. Psychotherapist and motivational speaker Katie Altham’s first two books ‘Who Am I? An Archetypal Quest’ and ‘Who Am I? How To’ are national best sellers.
Katie Altham