VOLUME VI / ISSUE III / MARCH 2022
LIFE COACHING AND EXPERT
WELLNESS EXERCISES
BOOTY DYSMORPHIA (I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE) JUSTIN "GOLIATH" JOHNSON Wellness contributor @goliathcoaches
I
AM A BLACK MAN: 6’5”, BROWN SKIN AND 230 POUNDS. IN OTHER WORDS, I’M HARD TO MISS. GROWING UP, I NEVER FELT COMFORTABLE IN MY SKIN. MY INSECURITIES RAN DEEP: WE LIVED IN THE HIGH DESERT IN PALMDALE, CALIF. (NOT KNOWN FOR ITS DIVERSITY) WHERE BEAUTY WAS NOT REFLECTIVE OF HOW I LOOKED. The ideals – blonde or brown hair, light eyes, non-melanated skin – were not only things that were praised in my school, but also the images I watched on television. The perceptions of beauty in the late 80s and early 90s did not represent me page 166
and I felt lost and unattractive. It was unpleasant at best and coupled with the fact that we were basically lower-middle class. Food was always on the table, but my clothes were not new and my shoes were always worn down. I remember once for Halloween, my parents dressed me as a bum. Ingenious, really: it only took some of my older, worn-down clothes and was a very creative but extremely inexpensive costume. My classmates took note that I was taller than everyone else and bullied me about it. I never desired to be other than black, but by the time I got out of Palmdale, my self-love definitely needed some healing. Today, at 37 years old, I feel the most comfort I’ve known in my entire life. Throughout history, the desire to be desired is a recurring theme. Throughout the ages, we have physically changed ourselves to fit the narrative of the time. The histories of different cultures provide a unique insight into the influence what was desirable during different ages and times. We have gone to the extreme
to fit the perceived beauty of the moment. If you don’t believe me, look up feet binding, waist training, corsets, and elongating necks.
Chinese foot binding
But today, it’s different. When I left Palmdale, I left behind the perceptions from television and my classmates, finding comfort in my family. This was years before anyone had ever watched a TikTok. Now, perceptions of beauty follow us 24/7 through social media. From a young age, the use of filters and surgeries drill into our subconscious that we will not be desirable if we don’t match society’s definition of attractive. Through social media, we now have a collective and extremely consistent