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Wednesday, March 25, 2015• The Islands’ Sounder
Can we protect New exhibit at Orcas Art Studio our parents?
Orcas Art Studios announces a new exhibit of Maggie Sharkey’s works in pastels and oils. There is a reception on Friday, March 27 from 5:30-7 p.m. Sharkey is known for her dexterously executed still lives with bold colors and intricate compositions, as well as her atmospherically delicate landscapes. She is very passionate about learning, and she sees every painting as a new opportunity for discovery. She happily shares her extensive knowledge with fellow artists through mentoring, classes and running life drawing sessions. Sharkey has been leading the Orcas Island Life Drawing group for the past six years. This will be Sharkey’s farewell show as she prepares to embark on new artistic adventures across the waters in Bellingham. Pictured at left is one of her paintings.
By LIZ TAYLOR
Special to the Sounder
Question: My grandmother is vicious to my father, her son. He has heart problems, so I’m afraid for his health. She’s 85 and can’t live alone anymore. He tried taking care of her at home, but she complained constantly. A couple of months ago she moved to a nice assisted living facility in Anacortes, and now she says the staff mistreat her. Former neighbors learned she made these stories up. How can we protect my dad and make my grandmother happy? Answer: Instinct tells me you can’t. You may be able to help your dad, but you’ll never be able to make your grandmother happy. Three important rules are operating here: One, personalities drive much of what happens to us as we age; our care needs are secondary. Whatever our diagnosis, how we – and everyone else involved – respond depends on who we are as people. Two is the “more so theory” – the older we are, the more we stay the same, only more so. Three, because care-giving is so personality-driven, you as a caregiver must recognize from the start that the only person you can count on or control is you. Once you’ve done as much as you can, you may need to let go. My guess is that your grandmother has been a complainer all her life. By definition, whatever anyone does for her (especially close family members) is never enough. Even if your dad waited on her hand and foot, she’d be dissatisfied, then twist the knife by telling him. Like many chronic complainers, she’s also narcissistic. Having no empathy, she cannot see the anxiety your dad experiences at failing to please her. Ignoring the sacrifices of others, she dwells only on herself. In addition, she’s manipulative. Making up stories about the mistreatment of staff at the assisted living facility is a good example. Her purpose is to make your dad feel guilty, make him visit more often or get him to move her home again, where, of course, she would complain that he wasn’t doing enough. If ever there was a vicious circle, your grandmother and dad are dancing in it. Chances are, he’s been doing it his entire life and doesn’t see how he enables her to set him up. The solution? Well, your grandmother isn’t going to change. At 85, no amount of talking, cajoling or reasoning will make her behave differently. It’s your father who needs to understand the dynamics here and learn how to respond to his mother differently. That’s not easy, but it’s imperative for his health. Your father has been conditioned to respond to his mother’s manipulations, so he needs to un-learn these responses and adopt new behaviors. He probably has no idea where to begin – and will even feel disrespectful not to behave as before. With such a long-standing pattern, I think a counselor would be well worth the investment – to talk through what’s happening here and explore new behaviors. If you have a question, write Liz at lizt@agingdeliberately.com.
OPALCO candidates announced for the annual meeting on May 2 The local memberowned electric cooperative, Orcas Power and Light Co-op, announces the slate of candidates for its board of directors. This is each member’s opportunity to influence
who sets co-op policies and rates. Every OPALCO member has the right to vote in each election, regardless of their home district, with one vote per membership. For this 2015 election, there are four candidates
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HappyHolidays
Home & Garden April 2015
Copy & Sales Deadline: Monday, April 3, 2015, 12 pm Publication Dates: Week of April 16, 2015 For more information call Colleen at the Islands’ Sounder 376-4500
prefer to vote; beginning next year paper ballots will not be sent to those who prefer to vote online. Absentee balloting closes at 10 a.m. on May 1. If members choose to vote by absentee ballot, the ballot must be mailed in time to meet the deadline. Or members can vote at the annual meeting on Saturday, May 2. Members and their families who attend the 78th annual meeting aboard a Washington State ferry will be treated to lunch. The meeting begins at 9:45 a.m. on the ferry. Members should arrive earlier than their boarding time to park and register. Members who are disabled or require special accommodations to participate in the meeting should call Bev Madan at 376-3549 to make arrangements. Full travel details, including ferry departures, are available at www.opalco.com.
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Providing a full schedule of activites and events plus, informative feature stories. This special section of The Journal, The Sounder, & The Weekly will be distributed to over 7500 readers throughout San Juan County and also online in our new Green Editions!
running for two open positions in District 2 (Orcas, Armitage, Blakely, Obstruction, Big Double, Little Double and Fawn Islands). The 2015 candidates are: Winnie Adams (incumbent), Randy J. Cornelius, Ed Sutton and Chris Thomerson (incumbent). Candidate bios are sent by mail to each co-op member with their ballot, and are available online at www. opalco.com. This year, there is one member-initiated bylaw amendment. Ballots and a voting guide will be mailed the week of April 8 and the annual report will be posted online. Co-op members can vote one of three ways: online, by mail or in person at the annual meeting. Voting online is the preferred method; it is secure and it saves co-op resources. A survey on this year’s ballot will ask you how you