A8 TUESDAY, JANUARY 15, 2013 CHILLIWACK TIMES
Opinion
◗ Our view
Who we are
Let’s smile about what she left us
The Chilliwack Times is a division of LMP Publication Limited Partnership.We’re published Tuesdays and Thursdays from 45951 Trethewey Ave., Chilliwack, B.C. ◗ Publisher
I
Nick Bastaja
nbastaja@chilliwacktimes.com ◗ Editor
Ken Goudswaard
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◗ Opinion
What monster warning system?
H
ello! Welcome to the new Port Mann Bridge! While this marvel of engineering can now whisk you to either side of the Fraser River in record time, there are a few safety issues that drivers and transit users should be aware of before crossing!
Ice, fog, and snow In case of weather below freezing, do not attempt to cross the Port Mann Bridge. Our design team looked on Wikipedia and found that the median temperature for December in Metro Vancouver was well above freezing. Thus, they did not consider whether ice bombs would spontaneously launch from the cables, or if fog and cold would turn the bridge deck into the world’s first perfectly frictionless surface. Extreme rain Our engineers did model extreme rainfall events. The models showed that the central pillars of the cable towers will remain perfectly stable if their outer coating is undisturbed. Under a layer of concrete, the towers are made mostly of sugar cubes, which was determined to be the most inexpensive loadbearing material available. As long as the outer crust remains intact, however, the bridge will retain its structural integrity and should not collapse into a giant pile of sucrose. The northern concrete-drilling wood-
MATTHEW CLAXTON
Be Our Guest pecker We have installed two fake owls on top of the pillars to scare these creatures away. The fact that they are fond of sugar has been taken into account. There is no need for alarm about any existing holes. Extreme heat In addition to cold, our engineers did not worry about heat waves, as those only happen about one year in three. During extreme heat events, the bridge surface may or may not buckle, melt, slide off, or transform into a viscous pool of lava. If you find your car sinking into the tarry surface, climb onto your roof and wait for the rescue helicopters. If your car sinks all the way through the molten bridge deck, hold your breath, and as your car plummets towards the Fraser River, deploy your in-car flotation devices. The heat may also melt the outer layers of the towers, see RAIN. Giant fire-breathing lizards There is no evidence, none whatsoever, that the construction of the new Port Mann Bridge dis-
turbed the nesting site of Godzilla. Nor is there anything to support the contention that Mothra, King Ghidorah, or Rodan have developed a grudge against the tower project. Any rumours to the effect that the Mysterians are plotting to send their giant robot Moguera to demolish the bridge, unless their demands of world domination are met, are likewise groundless. The Emergency Monster Warning System was installed on the bridge for purely scientific research purposes. Ancient Norse Gods/Giants It is possible that the bridge and its related off-and on-ramps may form a Norse rune that magically summons the fire giant Surt, marking the Ragnarrok, or downfall of the gods. If so, motorists can expect to see Thor fighting the world-girdling serpent Jormungandr, or Odin being devoured by the giant wolf Fenrir. If the world actually ends, drivers will get a 15 per cent discount on their Treo tolling bill for the preceding 30 days. If the end of the world is averted thanks to a group of plucky—but unlikely—heroes putting aside their differences to locate and use a magical talisman and/or book to forestall the inevitable doom of man, there will be no discount. ◗ Matthew Claxton is a reporter with the Langley Advance.
f Dorothy Kostrzewa could see the tributes that poured out with the news of her passing this weekend, she would almost certainly be humbled. She would also probably tell everyone to get over it and not to shed any more tears. Kostrzewa was a rare combination of incredible sweetness and unwavering toughness. As a child in 1934, she survived the burning down—probably intentional—of her home and the destruction of all of Chilliwack’s Chinatown. She also lived through the great flood of 1948. She endured and thrived in a community that, at first, seemed to not want her, and one that later seemed it might end up under water anyway. She had a beautiful family, had a good career and went on to become the first woman of Chinese descent elected to political office in Canada. That bears recognition even if she thought it didn’t. The reason she didn’t want any acclaim is because Dorothy Kostrzewa entered politics for the most important reason of all: community. It sounds cliché, but it’s true. She cared immensely about Chilliwack and making her hometown a better place to live. With utter selflessness, she entered municipal affairs to see what she could do to promote recreation and the arts. Kostrzewa didn’t ask for a lot in her time on city council but if she wanted something, watch out, she was hard to stop. The Piper Richardson statue is at least partly her doing. Building a cultural centre was a 30-year passion. Adding community sports fields was a lifelong one. She once said that if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry. And she didn’t like crying. Chilliwack is worse off now that she’s not with us but we are all better for having known her. Shake off the tears now that she’s gone. Let’s smile about what she left behind.
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