April 2010
Brave Dales Ford denies Sly bid for Testing Times Brave Dales Ford, Britain’s cycling supremo, has denied a top-secret behind-the-scenes takeover bid for Testing Times following his alleged unsuccessful attempt to pump an undisclosed amount of Sly TV’s sponsorship budget into saving Nanu Nanu Piccalilli's Time Trial Weekly news-slater. Following the mysterious disappearance of Pick-a- Looney’s business partner (not to mention the Time Trial Weekly racing team’s entire 2010 budget), word quickly reached the world’s investors that here really was something worth throwing millions at. Not one to miss a trick, Brave Dales Ford was believed to be lining up a last ditch attempt to buy out Tricky Dickey Looney’s scuppered attempt at world-wide time trial reporting domination and mould it in to something more relevant to the current day. Unfortunately, Rude Bert Murdock, pipped Brave Dales Ford to the post and took Time Trial Weekly down the same path as many of his other far-fetched money making propositions. Dales Ford is now believed to be centring his attentions to acquiring Testing Times from Planet X’s Dave Loughran and his very own ‘Dobby’, Ian Cammish, and has Sly TV’s vast sponsorship fund at his disposal to enable him to do so. Responding to numerous trans-global messages that were sent to many of the world’s most glamorous holiday destinations, Loughran and Cammish vehemently denied there was any truth in the rumours. SEE MORE AT
WHAT’S INSIDE: What’s your tipple? Planet X’s Racing Team’s newest member Frankly Franklin reviews … the Robert Garbage Action Zone Peter Whitfield asks Stuart Dangerfield twenty questions
Brave Dales Ford (above) seen leaving the unsuccessful make-or-break negotiations with Nina PicksaLuckyLooney Ian Cammish (right) refutes claims that there may about to be a Sly takeover bid for Testing Times
MAJOR SCOOP! Britain’s superstar cyclist snubs Testing Times … top Olympian ignores plea for interview.
Coach ‘Dude’ Masher Marsland tells us what it’s like to ride the perfect pb 10 Frankly Franklin’s Agony Aunt column Steve Kish’s magnificent seven Shetland, sheep and short haul flights Gambling on … the invention Planet X’s Old Skool Series … returns Nob Off .. Jim Burgess
Fully employed part-time cyclists continue to prop up Britain’s time trial scene. Fifteen minutes of fame guaranteed to all those taking part in Old Skool Series
Testing Times … for the discerning cyclist with an acquired taste / no taste whatsoever (delete where applicable)
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WHAT’S YOUR TIPPLE? I like a good red … I also like a decent white … but which is better? Beryl Burton v Julia Shaw This is Red v White! Beryl is honest and full of terroir (yes – look it up) although terror might also be applied … maybe a Syrah from the Languedoc (France) made in small quantities by artisan winemakers … a slightly acquired taste, but great in its way. Speaks of the land and modest toil. Julia is the best Sauternes ... the sweet white from Bordeaux and amongst the best in the World, probably Chateau d’Yquem. Very exclusive and unattainable, a technically difficult wine to make but Yquem never turns out a dud. It’s all honey and tropical fruits but a long, dry yet sweet finish that leaves you stunned.
Beryl ‘Syrah’ Burton Photo from Bernard Thompson’s cycling archive
Julia ‘Chateau d’Yquem’ Shaw Photo courtesy Sarah Brooke SEE MORE AT
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PLANET X GOES GLOBAL Boss buys office in the sun While Planet X board members, directors and shareholders continue to reap the benefits of pretty shrewd dealings by their very own market-trading ‘Del-boy’ Dave (Loughran … seen above sunning it up in his new ‘foreign office’), shop floor staff continue to suffer as a result of the cut-backs needed to fund their lavish lifestyle. The recent move to modern warehouse accommodation just off junction 34 of the M1, located next to the award winning Magna adventure centre just outside Sheffield, provided staff with running water but no heating or means of electricity to power computers, lighting or battery chargers for Ray’s lights or Caroline’s hair-straighteners and i-pod. As a consequence, staff have been forced to use much ingenuity to come up with a suitable means of providing power within strict Health and Safety criteria. Testing Times recently paid a visit to Planet X’s ‘centre of the universe’ high-tech site at Rotherham and witnessed at first hand the measures staff were taking to keep warm … and provide power (see photo right).
‘Slave labour’ and ‘failure to meet obligations to provide a safe and comfortable working environment for staff’ were not high on the list of subjects management were keen to discuss. ‘Sun cream factors’ and ‘long cold drinks’ on the other hand ... were.
NO END TO THE MISSING STEALTHIEST EVER STEALTH STORY Rumours that West Kent Police may be putting up cash rewards for the return of Planet X’s missing Stealthiest-ever Stealths appear to be unfounded as questions continue to be raised about the genuineness of claims of their disappearance. SEE MORE AT
Police are putting a hold on their investigations until evidence comes forward to confirm that they ever disappeared or indeed ever existed in the first place. Testing Times would like to know if you’ve seen one … and if so … where? Furthermore, if you haven’t seen one, Testing Times would like to know where you didn't see it ...
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Hapless Hyde road tests … scientific training technology Paul Hyde on the Harrietsham course gauging his power output Paul Hyde, Testing Times’ road testing guinea pig, stepped forward to try out the latest low-cost power meter (a new product …recommended by Planet X) and race recovery drink (ath uthed and highly recommended by pith-artitht and hath-been ekthtraordinaire Ian Cammish). Blowing away all the high-tech wizardry usually associated with power meters, heart rate monitors and wind tunnel testing, the latest innovation to hit the streets of Harrietsham (that’s the Q10/22 to the uninitiated) takes you right back to basics. Load up and see how far you can go before grinding to a halt. Measure your progress by seeing how much further you can go each time with the same load … or increase the load and see if you can go as far as last time. Then hit the bottle (see ‘What’s your tipple’, page 2) and recover.
Hyde in the recovery phase … (above)
OLD’S COOL ;-) Paul Gittins Retrobike.co.uk (right) guilty of going Old Skool in City Road Club Hull’s Easter promotion. The country’s premier old boys competition kicked off with all sorts of controversy. Full report and pictures next month … subject to the leading protagonists getting parole and / or bail.
… is pleased and proud to sponsor the Country’s leading competition for has-beens, old farts and wannabies yearning for their fifteen minutes of fame. For more details of the 2010 series, go to page 18. SEE MORE AT
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Ceri Pritchard Planet X Racing Team’s newest kid on the block Planet x has a new team member in its fold for this season, primarily a tester: Ceri Pritchard has joined up for his first full season back in racing since 1998. Testing Times interviewed him to see what his goals are and find out what he’s been up to; So Ceri, for those who don’t know you, tell us about yourself: Well, I’m 32 years old, live in South Wales and work as a self employed builder. I started riding a bike at the age of 11, and began competing when I was 12. At 15 I won the GHS 10 and set the juvenile 10 record of 20:13 (recently broken by Alex Royle). Then in the junior ranks I managed to win 6 silver medals in the first 2 years and in my final year, 3 golds, with a trip to the junior worlds to boot.
Ceri in the olden days. We’ll have him out of that Condor strip and into Planet X gear faster than you can say Ian Cammish’s 3-31 ‘100’ was the best time trial of all time ;-) Have you done any racing since then? Yes, I’ve done a few here and there. I rode the national ‘10’ in 2007. I think I finished about 15th. Basically a couple of events a year, nothing anywhere near a proper season. So what’s different now? I’ve been thinking about making a serious effort to do a full season for quite a while, but haven’t been in a position to do anything about it. Then last year, about August, I decided to do it before I get too old. I started training then to do a few events before the end of the season to get me ready for a good winter’s training for this year.
I had 2 seasons racing as a senior, ending with the Commonwealth Games in 1998, then didn’t race again after that.
How did the events go?
What made you want to stop competing?
Not too bad considering I only had about six weeks training before them. I did two 25-mile time trials, a 52:00 dead and a mid-49. I also did a 10-mile tt and that was a 21:00 dead.
To be honest, I think for the last two seasons of racing my interest and enjoyment of the sport was steadily declining, then after a particularly bad experience at the Commonwealth Games that broke the back, I climbed off the bike after the TT and didn’t touch a bike again. How long did you stay away from cycling? I had seven years where I didn’t even look at a bike, my weight went from 13 to 23 stone. I basically turned into your standard fat bloke. Then after some major changes in my personal life I started to ride a bike again. How did you manage to shift all that weight? I basically spent about eight months doing nothing but riding to work and back which was about 2 hours all in, and another 2 hours in the gym in the evening. That got me down to about 16 stone.
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Has the winter’s training gone well? At first no, I ended up getting rushed into hospital for an operation on my stomach in October, so I didn’t start to train until Christmas. But since then it’s been good. I’ve managed to get in the miles and get down to my racing weight. So what are your goals for this year? The big objective for me is to try and complete a full season. It’s been a long time since I raced regularly. I think it will take a while to get into the swing of that again. Other than that I will try and get in some of the national championships, especially the BTTC as it’s not too far from where I live. Other than that I’m going to try and get in a few sportives to see what all the fuss is about, and if I’m going well enough, some team events as well.
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Testing Times world exclusive … Frankly Franklin reviews The Robert Garbage Action Zone Some of you people seem to think that Testing Times exists just to promote Planet X bicycles but those who think that must be new readers. If you look at past issues we have visited the manufacturer of Vellum bikes and looked at the writing on an old Condor and a brand new Trek. We are even promised an in depth study of Parlee’s Nob, or was that Nob’s Parlee? The most popular pages in all of those wonderful bike mags out there – Cycling Puss, Sportive Weekly, Cycle Snort Monthly and the rest of ‘em, are those in depth reviews of the latest bikes by such luminaries as Marcel Wust and Frankie Andreu as well as the privileged and cosseted staff of that weekly nonsense. Within limits, a bike is a bike – if you see what I mean. OK, a time trial bike is different from a Dawes Tourer but they can both use Shimano Tiagra – it’s just the frame’s angles and the wheels that are truly different. How many times can you review the same Shimano groupset? Well it’s about time that we looked at the bike of the future which I have been secretly testing here in Thailand. It’s called the Robert Garbage Action Zone and it’s the first bike that will really make a difference to your time trialling. Forget all that research by Mickle Furrows, Bored Man Chris and the rest of them – this is the future. I have been secretly told that next season the Sly team will be foregoing their Pianoforte Dogmas in favour of the Robert Garbage - the Sly team are so cutting edge.
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The new Planet X Stealth in all its glory! [ed: I'm sure this is the Robert Garbage Action Zone] Here is a machine that can climb (providing the rider has a pair of thin legs), time trial, tour, complete sportives (or randonneurs or audaxes), road race and also perform on the track. For the first time you don’t need a garage full of bikes for every discipline – you just need this one bike. Just one. To make your choice simpler it only comes in a single colour – blue. The boffins at Garbage Cycles have really thought this through. The point is that they want to make sure that you only need one bike for everything. If they offered this in different colours, then riders would be tempted to get a red one, perhaps then add a green and a yellow, building a stable of different colours. All of this is quite unnecessary now. Simplify your life. Have just ONE bike. In blue. Forget everything you’ve ever been taught about cycling. This bike is the difference between a candle and an electric light or a donkey and a Ferrari. You have to make the leap into an entirely new world. The
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position is different, the cornering is different, the handling is different and indeed, the speed is different. Yes, welcome to a complete new world of cycling. Like other reviewers, I didn’t have the legs to do this machine justice. If I could have enticed Mr Cavendish or Bert Wiggins out here to my secret testing station in Thailand, then I could have shared with you, dear readers, information about the sheer speed that this piece of Garbage could attain. As it was I was able to take it on the chaingang on Tuesday evening and was met with hoots of derision. Oh yes! Hoots of derision. But is that not the case with all major breakthroughs? The greatest inventors have faced these kinds of reactions in the past. Can you imagine what it would be like if you took a few bods directly out of the fifteenth century and put them in front of a computer? Or how about putting the 12 disciples in a jet from
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Bethlehem to Jordan? When looking at the future you do have to make these leaps and on this occasion we have discovered the difference between a camel and a jet. There are current negotiations with top UK time triallists and by the end of the season you are bound to see a few of these machines anxiously waiting for the timekeeper’s 5-4-3-2-1-GO! Indeed, if we can wean Mr Cammish off his Planet X for the Border CA hundred, his 3:31 will be a thing of the past. A 2:59 ‘100’? On this bike anything is possible. Of course Mr RTTC would take one look and ban the thing. But that’s life, is it not? The Tuesday night chaingang usually peaks at about 50km an hour. A speed, which my regular readers will realise, is way beyond Frankly Franklin’s normal capabilities, except if going downhill with a following wind. But on this occasion nothing was a problem. The bunch of 30 of Thailand’s best riders (and a couple of European expats) was strung out behind me as they struggled to stay on my wheel. 50km per hour was just the speed in the warm up zone. But it was when I overtook a parked Lamborghini that the riders realised that I had found either new legs or a new bike. Now they are all gagging for one of these. I particularly liked the cornering. On a conventional bike I’ve always found cornering difficult. Some years ago I rode a criterium around an industrial estate. I don’t know how the riders managed to sail through the corners so quickly, but I had to get off and walk at each one. Needless to say I was lapped many times. However on this Garbage Action Zone I would have had no such problems – the corners were like straights. Indeed the hills were like flat roads and the flat roads like downhills. Thank you Robert Garbage for your Action Zone – you are on the verge of transforming my cycling world. If nobody else gets one of these, I could be world champion at last! If you take a close look at the technicalities here, you’ll notice what looks like rust on the wheels and other parts. Don’t be fooled so easily. This SEE MORE AT
The top-secret bottom bracket in which some nouveau technology is concealed
‘Fast geometry’. Well you can't argue with that!
A good view of the road scanner disguised to look like a reflector
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is not rust but a secret substance that helps the Garbage Action Zone sail through the air – in fact it is a new form of aerodynamic paste. The front end is higher than the aerodynamic positions that we have been brainwashed into believing is the fastest way to go when time trialling. Extensive research in Robert Garbage’s laboratories has shown that the upright full frontal position used in conjunction with the aerodynamic paste adds +360 watts per rider as an average. The gearing is an interesting choice. It’s a fixed wheel with a front of 36 and a rear of 16. It means you have to pedal but the secret here is in the crank ratchet attachment hidden inside the bottom bracket. Forget your conventional method of gearing. The sensors attached to the ratchet feel the gradient of the road and the speed of the riders around you and adjusts accordingly. Off course you still have to pedal but you no longer have to make the choice about gearing. However what impressed me most was the tyres. These are tyres that don’t puncture as they appear to be permanently flat. Well, that’s just an appearance. I was told by one of the boffins that one of the most difficult considerations for any rider is how much air to put in a tyre. 120psi? 90psi? 60 on a mountain bike? The lateral thinking here is that if there is no air, then you don’t have to make a choice. I also particularly liked what looks like a front reflector pointing to the ground. When I first got this bike I was about to remove these ‘reflectors’ when a mechanical voice spoke from the inside of this machine saying “Do not disturb the sensors”. Ahh, I thought to myself, so they are well disguised sensors, not lights and I therefore kept them in place.
One of the delights of this bike is the way it sits in a turbo trainer (above). For years we have all wondered why Taxc and the like don't make their turbos facing the other way. We have become truly fed up of facing the wall. Now, with this new system, the Action Zone sits perfectly well facing the other way. At last we can look out of the window whilst turbo training.
Another great feature here is that you don’t have to have a groupset. Shimano versus Campagnolo with SRAM now in the arena? How do you choose? I hear that even Miche is about to bring out a groupset. Life is complicated enough, we don’t need choice. The wheels, hubs, pedals, chainset and so on are all unique to this bike. You won’t find these parts on a Planet X or a Condor or on anything else. That’s part of the beauty of this machine – it all goes to make your life so simple.
The front wheel (above) complete with new patented aerodynamic paste
You see, this bike is not just about appearance. We live in a design led society where form seems to be so much more important than function. With the Robert Garbage Action Zone we have been taught an important lesson. If you choose your lifelong partner on the basis of looks alone you may be in for a quick divorce or at least a sticky time. The best looking person may have a terrible personality and vice versa. (I’m a good example, as ugly as sin but a really nice person!!!) This simile fits this bike perfectly. You may scoff. But try riding it.
Note the head rest on the front (above) for when your new found speeds just send you dizzy
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Stuart Dangerfield’s twenty questions ‘10’ competition record.
1. When did you start racing? Where? Your age when you started? It was 1984 with the Wolverhampton Wheelers when I was aged 12.
14. How does it feel to have equalled Engers's record of six ‘25’ championships? Are you interested in the champions of the past ? Alf Engers is an icon. He was before his time. I should have won 7 or 8 championships but didn't apply myself in 1998 and 1999 when I won bronzes. I love the history. Beryl Burton, Lloydy, Webster, Alf, Cammish, Adkins, Pritchard, Boardman, Obree and many more.
2. What got you into cycling? I always wanted a racing bike so my dad brought me a Peugeot for my 12th birthday. It was a 100quid! 3. Is there anyone who has been a big influence or inspiration? Throughout my cycling life there have been riders that have inspired and influenced me, but mainly it was my coach Gordon Wright.. 4. What were you like at school academic or not, rebellious or not? I probably didn't do as well as I should have. I was always thinking about training and winning the junior BBAR. 5. What kind of work do you do? What's the Australian connection? I work for my cousin. We’re subcontractors to the lift and elevator industry. 6. Have you always been a time trial specialist, or did you go in for roadracing and track? I’ve done it all. I rode the Commonwealth Games pursuit in 1994. I’ve also ridden the tours of Britain, Langkawi, Saudi Arabia, Tasmania and many more, all with some success. 7. Have you had coaches, or did you do it all on your own ? Is all your training very scientific? Gordon Wright is my coach. We mostly got it right through a mix of old school and science. 8. Are there any early rides that stand out in your mind? As I said before, my first 49 minute ‘25’ and my first open ‘10’ in 1986 on the K37 really stand out. But when I saw a super stylish Martin Gotrel in action on his fantastic lo pro he had made himself...I was hooked! There are many, many great rides and memories. My first Commonwealth Games, worlds time trial in 1998, racing alongside Lance Armstrong, the ‘10’ competition record, Isle of Man SEE MORE AT
Photo courtesy of Ron Good mountain time trial, Porthole Grand Prix, the Athens Olympics, six 25-mile championships and many more … there are so many memories. 9. Are there any special memories of your races against Boardman, especially his two competition records, when you were second? All Chris's rides were fabulous, he was an inspiration to a young guy like me. I did 49:12 to his 47:19 and 48:35 to his 45:57 and we didn't have a five mile 50 mph downhill start a la South Wales! 10. Ditto the 50 record ride by Obree? Graeme!! Again another fantastic genius! I saw him get the ‘10’ record the evening before, which I broke in 2001. 11. Are there any special memories of your first ‘25’ championship? Being 5 seconds down with 5 miles to go … and winning!
15. When you were at your best, did Hutch ever beat you in an important ‘25’? Did you ever come up against Jason McIntyre? Both Mike and Jason <r.i.p.> are, and were, brilliant time triallists, but at my best, I was just in front. 16. Are there any major disappointments in your career? What about the Commonwealth Games disaster? Was that 1998 or 2002? Yes, the 2002 Manchester Commonwealth Games. Nathan O'Neil, who I got tangled up with, is currently serving a two year ban for doping. That’s karma. 17. You used to be described as ‘controversial’ (a polite word for firing off unpopular opinions) any comments? Do you think that reputation was unfair? It was just enthusiasm, confidence and passion … plus a lot of misquotes by the press. 18. Was there a specific moment when you decided to scale down your racing? Was it connected with going to Australia? After the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne, I needed a break.
12. Do you remember all of your six ‘25’ championships individually? Or have they all just become a blur? I can remember every single one! Especially 2001.
19. Any major regrets? We all can look back with hindsight and then do some things differently. I do have a few.
13. Do you have a ‘finest-ever’ ride? When I rode the ‘25’ in 2001 I was floating. I put 2.5 minutes into Hutch. That was the week after I broke the
20. What of the future? Have we seen the last of you on the time trial circuit? Probably not! but cant see me riding at my old level. I’m 38 now!
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Coach Dude ‘Masher’ Marsland … rides a ‘10’ to pb perfection So to my ride. I must admit that with the race being put back by ten minutes due to a lorry getting jammed under a bridge on the course and the wind picking up noticeably before the start, I was starting to feel the pressure of that 22-minute barrier as it was slipping further away. After a short sharp warm up with a couple of efforts my friend Magic and I headed for the start line. While I was warming up I noticed how well my legs felt. You always know when you are pinging as you can't feel them at all up the drags. We passed the start clocking the numbers of the riders lining up and calculated how long we had before our start. We then headed down the hill, pulled over and proceeded to both take our caffeine gels with around 10 minutes to the ‘off’. Then we had a brief chat, Dan set off while I waited, gathering my thoughts and emotions. I visualized the course and saw myself working hard out into that headwind and up the drag to the roundabout and crossing the line punching the air in victory. I smiled to myself and said “it’s do or die time”, clipped in and headed for the start line. I got to the line to see Dan, who was my minute man, sat four riders back at number 11. Just as I pulled up behind him number 8 was on his way. I got Magic to hold my bike while I climbed off and emptied my nervous bladder for the last time. Before I knew it Magic was on the line and we were wishing each other well. The game plan was for me to be heading up the ramp to the turn as Magic was coming down it which would mean I would be at around 25-30 seconds down at that point. With the form he is in we knew that if I could hold him to a minute then I SEE MORE AT
would get that 21 which was a big ask. Four weeks previously I was nearly 5 minutes behind him in a ‘25’ but my form and confidence had shot up since then after two personal bests in my last two races. I watched Magic go and started my stopwatch as he left thinking how smooth and powerful he looked as he dropped on to his aero bars and disappeared down the hill. I remember wondering how I was going to stick within a minute of him. I soon dismissed this negative thought and replaced it with “I am going to stick within a minute of you dude, even if I die doing it!”. “10 seconds!” The start timekeeper snapped me back into the here and now and a rush of adrenalin (or maybe it was the caffeine gel) flooded into me. I took in a deep breath through my nose. “3 . . . 2 . . . 1” and I was away. My first thoughts were about Magic's start for some reason and I found myself mirroring his effort perfectly as I headed down the slip road on the tri-bars letting my speed build up with very little pressure on the pedals. The strategy was to hit the exit and then try and hold this free speed until the turn. I knew it was going to be a lonely ride
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and that I had to concentrate and stay focused for every second of the race as it was one of a couple of chances I might have to destroy that magic 22minute barrier. Three to four minutes in and my legs began to bite. My response into the wind was to dig harder as I knew that this out leg was where I had to keep my speed up as much as possible. I knew that whatever I lost I would have to make up on the leg back. I was surprised to see a rider up the road around at what must have been the 3-mile mark and before I knew it I was up to and passing number 9. “Am I going well?” . . . “Is he going badly?” . . . I was so focused that for the first time ever I can't recall shouting encouragement at this rider. I hit a couple of drags, the last one killing my speed drastically, or at least that’s how it felt as I knocked it down a couple of cogs and tried to maintain a nice smooth rhythm. I knew the slip road was just past this point and was soon gathering speed again as I headed for the ramp and started the climb to the first roundabout.. Magic, where is he? As I glanced right, sure enough there he
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was coming down the exit. I could see he was glancing at me and we were both on the rivet! It was just as I had visualized and I knew that this first part of the race had been executed perfectly and I was bang on target! At that point the steepness of the ramp began to exert its will onto my legs. The biting of lactic slowed my cadence as I dropped down the extensions. So I sat back in the saddle bringing my glutes and hamstrings into play with my mouth agape trying to get as much oxygen in as possible. I knew this part of the race was crucial and I took the first roundabout fast and smooth unable to thank the marshal. Already out of the saddle for a quick kick to the second roundabout, I gave myself a second to cruise around and onto the slip road. This time I gasped an unintelligible “thank you” and was down the exit and into a 57/11 for the first time in the race. My instinct told me that I had negotiated the roundabouts faster than I had ever done before and a quick glance at the stop watch showed a time of 10:45. With a minute to be deducted I knew that I must have covered the first 4.8 miles or so in less than 10 minutes — so I was going well! “Come on!!!” I shouted out loud, digging harder on the pedals, determined to hurt myself more than ever before. Soon the first drag on the way back hit me as I dropped down onto a 57/13 rolling it over and determined not to lose speed or fight the bike. “Keep it smooth and powerful Mash . . . smooth and powerful” I repeated to myself. A car came past – it was way to close and hooted at me. At that point I realized that I was working hard. It must have been really hard as normally I would hurl abuse at the crazy motorist and offer a few choice selections from my hand language repertoire. Today there was no chance of that. I looked up the blurred road, sweat dripping in synchronization with each stroke of the pedals as I found myself thinking of my thread on the tt forum and the humiliation of having to post the fact that I had failed. How horrible that would feel. It would be like I had let myself down and SEE MORE AT
those who were gunning for me. My legs responded to this thought, pumping harder on the pedals, piston like, as the words 'rip yourself a new ars*hole Mash' popped into my head from the words I used to use with Elitist to get him zoned on a few occasions! Before I knew it I could see the last drag to the layby ahead, so I knew I had about 2 miles, or just under, to go. My legs were screaming but I asked for more and more they gave! Powering up the drag in the same 57/13 gear I began to crest the top. My blurred vision just made out Dell's kneeling figure as she set up to take a photograph. I began to gather speed again, pushing every last ounce of energy into those pedals. The only thought I had was of a 21 . . . I have to do it . . . I must do it. My heart was pounding feeling like it would burst out of my chest like an alien at any second! My hearing was all but gone and I could feel the sensation of my oxygenstarved brain beginning to shut down as the darkness started to creep in on my peripheral vision. I have been there before on the turbo many times, gasping with the pain, wanting to stop but pushing harder. The last 90 seconds felt like a body-and souldestroying eternity. For the first time ever on this course I began to go faster up the drag to the finish. Faster and faster pouring on the pain into every turn of the cranks. Yes, I was spurred on by the desperate thought of failure and how much more that would sting. I crossed the finish line and gasped my number, glanced at the watch. 22:27 . . . 22:27 . . . I punched the air in victory. “YEEEEESSSS!” Then I stopped and caught myself. Dazed and still reeling from the effort of the ride I could not recall at what point I had started the watch. Did I start it before the off . . . or was it on auto when I started? It was auto, I decided and my heart sank. “Hey no, you started it on Magic!” said a nagging voice in my head. My stomach flipped. I pulled into the layby after the finish where Magic, his Dad and Dell were waiting. I was still a bit bemused. “I had you about a minute and ten seconds down on Dan at that point” Dell said. “I think
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I just PB'd with a 20-31” said Magic, “this would give you a sub22 for sure!” No way I could have lost that much. Was there? No I was pushing harder/faster, so no way, surely? Only the finish board of truth could settle my mind. After stopping back to cheer Hutch we headed for the HQ. I rang Dan who had just arrived. “Do you want to know what you did?” he asked. “Nooooooooo” I said hand over my eyes “I can't take it dude . . . just tell me, will I be happy?” “Oh yes mate . . . you will be very happy!” came the enthusiastic reply. I put the ‘phone down, still spaced out and shell shocked. “What if I have just PB'd with a 22.01 Dell?” “No chance” she replied, “Magic wouldn't have said very pleased if that was the case!” We parked up and I was across the road and jogging into the HQ. My stomach was churning The anticipation was immense. The first person to greet me was Magic with a big handshake “well done dude, go check out the board!” My eyes searched nervously for my name. I was all over the place! I couldn't remember what number I was for a second or two, then It clicked. I focused in on number 12, followed my name across to the 4 digits at the side of it .and was stunned by what I saw. 21:26! I repeated what my eyes were showing me “twenty one twenty six” and then the enormity of what I had just done hit me. "Twenty one twenty six . . . Yesssssssssss!” I sank down and punched the air in victory. Good news really does come in threes. Dan PB'd with a 20:31 to round off a truly wondrous top banana day. ‘Aint life a wonderment? I hope I wasn't the only one to break through a huge barrier today and I look forward to hearing about it tomorrow . . . whenever I get up. Something tells me it may just be a restless night! So what now? Can I go sub 21? I can't believe I have just typed that. What a surreal moment this is! lol Mash
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Frankly Franklin’s Agony Aunt Column & Cycle Clinic Thigh Grazing Dear Testing Times Thank goodness I have found your lovely little publication. There seems to be no other cycling magazine that does an Agony Aunt column – even that nice colourful one that always seems to be so full of whole page adverts selling subscriptions and DVDs. Enough of that! Here is my problem: I have a lovely husband who rides his bicycle every day. Sometimes he rides twice a day but only once on a bicycle. I love him very much except when his legs grow stubble. Anyway a few months ago he fell off his bicycle. I should say he was knocked off by a stoat that was scurrying across a country lane. Unfortunately he badly grazed both knees (we had to abandon missionary for some months), collected a deep wound in his left elbow and grazed the other all the way to the bone. Ever since then I have been searching for armour plating for cyclists and I cannot find anything on the market which is strong enough to withstand these types of accidents. I watch those lovely men in the Tour de France and it distresses me to see such nasty skin wounds on their lovely shaven thighs. But it distresses me even more to see this happen to my lovely dear husband. So as I cannot find any armour plating for cyclists I am sure that I can build a hugely successful business empire designing, manufacturing and marketing such items – which will ensure that my lovely husband and all those dear male cyclists never have to suffer such injuries again. The only problem is I don’t know how to go about this task. Can you or your readers help please? Molly Coddle, Leeds Frankly Franklin replies Molly: How lovely to hear of your love and concern for your husband. But I think you have given us more information than we really need to know - at least it gives me an insight into the type of help you need. Most cities – and Leeds cannot be an exception – run counselling services and I think that it would be very helpful for you to go and address your issues about men’s thighs and so on at one of these services. Losing the missionary position for a month or two is no great shakes as there are many exciting alternatives and a counsellor may also help with this. I am sure there are many people who can help you. Indeed even banks these days run counselling services so that nice man at the Halifax (the one with the big glasses) could also be of great value. As for your business idea, too late. It has already been stolen by Mr Loughran as you had not SEE MORE AT
sought any patents.
A Comp Record in Bed Dear Planet X I have a problem and it’s been going on ever since I met my husband when we were both still young. The trouble I have is the speed at which my husband does everything – he is known nationally for his speed and prowess at testing. You only have to look at the competition records, the number of trophies littering our humble home and the huge number of BAR’s that he has won to see how fast he is. The trouble is that his penchant for speed overspills into every facet of his everyday life but there is one that concerns me in particular. I don’t mind him loading the dishwasher in 5.75 seconds flat or ironing one large basket of washing in 12 minutes and 32 seconds. I don’t mind him getting comp records such as a 3-31 for the 100 – that makes me very proud. But I do mind what happens upstairs every Sunday night between 10.01pm and 10.02pm. Yes, that’s right! He takes less than a minute. I’ve asked him to slow down but to no avail. Could you please advise me on what I can do about this distressing situation. Mrs Anon, St Neots Planet X replies I passed this letter to our resident expert in these matters – known as Sir Nob of Two Ghibli’s. He is a fount of all knowledge when dealing with such issues. His well chosen words of advice were “The solution here is very easy. At 10.00pm each Sunday night, just let his tyres down”. Do let us know if this works.
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Steve Kish’s ‘Magnificent Seven’ best bits of a 1980’s time trial bike Part one – the ‘almost made the medals’ section. In the hope that there are enough readers out there to say ‘ooh, I’d quite forgotten about these’, I’ve wandered back in time and listed seven items that floated my boat in the ol’ skool days when ‘less was more’, inspired by the fact that had the list been headed ‘seven worst bits’, the natural selection would have been my two legs, two arms, torso, head and bum! All before carbon fibre, disc wheels and U-bars were the accepted norm, of course. In seventh place, I’d put the Omas titanium bottom bracket. Ti was quite new with only Omas and Royce being at the forefront but as well as a considerable weight saving, the sealed unit bearings and both cups being adjustable made this something that you could adjust and drool over at the same time. Fortunately the bearings were a standard size and local bearing suppliers could sell you these for a fraction of what you expected to pay – whoopee!
In sixth place is the tester bar tape of choice, good ol’ Benotto tape. Shiny in appearance with all sorts of colours including pink, these were mostly ignored by real men who chose either white or black. Unfortunately the manufacturers (presumably in the Italian section of Mexico, where the stuff was made) slightly overlooked the fact that if you make three-coloured tape, once wrapped around the bars, at least one of the colours is SEE MORE AT
hidden. Yet despite the stupid over-the-bar end plugs and the suggested sealing method of melting the ends with a match, the stuff did go on rather well, could easily be washed, re-used and surprisingly enough, despite the slippery look, did grip hands quite well – unless you applied your own pre-race embrocation and didn’t wash your hands afterwards! Fifth place must go to the Mavic CX18 rim, narrower than the standard ultra-light GEL280 but 30 gms heavier and much stronger. The 18mm profile meant that they were designed (of course) for 18mm tyres, usually Wolber but I ran mine for years with something that we’ll mention later. Nice dark grey in colour, the road equivalent of these was the Mavic SSC, immensely strong, either red or grey and probably the strongest rims out there, even though the ‘just over 400gms’ weight tag made it more of a stage race rim than a tester’s choice. Fourth place goes to the Maillard Dural 6-speed block. Super light with a light brown tinge, both the body and the sprockets were made from Duraluminium, a heattreated alloy of manganese, copper, magnesium and aluminium. With the glowing recommendation that the ’Hindenburg’ went down in 1937 in flames with a lot of the framework made from this, Maillard pressed on to create what was probably the lightest multispeed freewheel out there. Regular changes of chain were required to prevent tooth hooking but heaven help anybody who tried to strip one down more than a month after they had assembled it! (Excuse the pic .. you try Google Imaging ‘Maillard’ and see if you can do any better!) .. and so, into the medal position for the top three items …. exclusively in the next issue of Testing Times.
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Shetland, sheep and short haul flights
by Christine Mclean
Shetland is, believe it or not, fantastic for cycling.....weather permitting! For the few of us that want to challenge the forces of nature and ride throughout the year it’s a little more trying. There is a perception that the Northern Isles are windswept, treeless and flattish, if you replace the last with ‘rolling’ then that’s not far off the mark. There are days of light and gentle breezes but these can be counted on one hand and there are trees but the 100 specimens that I planted 15yrs ago in my garden remain bonzais, beaten back below the height of the wall! And unfortunately there are hills with some fine examples of challenging gradients dispersed liberally amongst the islands. Around 100 islands make up Shetland but only a handful are inhabited with the majority of folk living on the mainland. The mainland is approximately 70miles in length but only 6 miles at it’s widest. One main road runs roughly north to south with several B roads and plenty of single track roads reaching all points north, south, east and west. The condition of the roads is good with traffic relatively quiet compared to mainland Britain. The biggest worry is that motorists don’t expect to encounter cyclists, there’s just not enough of us so it’s essential to make yourself as visible as possible and be ever vigilant. I use lights most of the year even though it never really gets dark in the summer this far north. Cycling from Sumburgh head at the southern most tip of the islands to Skaw Beach in Unst, literally the end of the road at the most northerly point of the British Isles, offers a very enjoyable 80-mile ride on good roads although it does involve two short ferry crossings! It would be fair to say that cycling is not the most popular of sports in the isles and during the winter months sightings are rare, however there does exist a hardy core that brave the elements throughout the year. One or two of us, myself included, commute by bike to work. My route passes through some fairly desolate, sparsely populated landscapes, there is very little shelter and the wind is the governing factor. I’m a port controller at the Sullom Voe oil terminal which is 40 miles from the house so I do part of the journey by car varying the distance depending on the wind strength and direction. Winds are regularly above 30kts and sometimes I am dealing with up to 50kts, it doesn’t mean I like it that way, I just put my head down and push on with it. The pay back for perseverance into the headwinds are some amazing return journeys...that is SEE MORE AT
Christine dodging the traffic on Shetland aboard her pink Planet X Stealth unless the wind backs whilst at work then that’s tough! It’s the cross winds that really cause the trouble and gusty ones in excess of 30kts usually mean I have to resort to the dreaded turbo. The weather is the only force that dictates if I go on the turbo trainer, I prefer the road. Interval training on the turbo is a real chore and can demoralise me so I incorporate it into my ride which is far more fun and Shetland’s rolling terrain is particularly good for this. The commuting really provides the main stay of my training, maybe having the weather as an adversary and a time constraint is the perfect training tool. Fellow Shetland Wheeler and time triallist Carlos Riise has been following this regime with his 60mile round trip to work for the past 15yrs and it seems to have worked for him. The Shetland Wheelers has around 30 members recently boosted by the increasing interest locally in triathlon. Between April and September the club meets regularly for training and time trial nights. In addition there is an annual
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hill climb and the occasional sportive. Every 2 years Shetland takes part in the Nat West Island Games and this provides a fantastic opportunity to compete in a range of cycling events at an international level. Shetland hosted the games in 2005 and in fact it was here that I caught not just the cycling bug but more specifically the urge to try time trialling. However getting to the start line of an event on the tt calendar is not a straightforward case of loading up the car a few hours before and heading off. As residents of a group of islands that extol stronger cultural links with Scandinavia than Scotland getting to mainland Britain can be quite an adventure and an expensive one at that! The options are a 12 to 14 hour ferry journey or an hour’s flight to Aberdeen. Early in the year armed with CTT & SCU calendars, shift rotas and a host of other information, including an assortment of credit cards and the internet, a mad flurry of planning and booking takes place. Flights, car hire and accommodation have to be booked in advance from the fairly straightforward single flight for a Scottish event to the complicated logistics of getting to the other end of the country for an CTT championship. Unless it’s a championship we aim for a value for money weekend and enter a Saturday and Sunday event, hopefully leaving ourselves time for a recovery ride before being squeezed into airline seating. Sometimes it’s a miracle we make the plane and recovery can be limited to a glass of red on the flight home trying to ignore the odd looks that still sporting a skinsuit provokes. British Airways used to serve the Islands but in recent years Flybe took up the task and it has to be said that things have gone downhill ever since. This is not a cycle friendly airline, in fact this is an airline that goes out of it’s way to make life as difficult as possible for us. One of it’s promotional adverts claims it ‘supports communities’. Well my experience is anything but. I have been reduced to tears by the stone faced, adamant behaviour that some policy quoting staff employ. The bikes are packed away into a regular bike box and I must admit to being quite proud of my adeptness at this whole intricate process although I cannot match Carlos’ 10 minute speed build! As island residents we are allowed up to 20kilos of hold baggage free for this leg of the journey and yet keeping the bike box below this weight and everything else to a minimum as hand luggage still attracts a charge...Why I ask ‘...because it’s a bike’ is the response ‘...but it bears no resemblance to a bike, it’s just a case’ we argue but they won’t have it even insisting that as bikes they have to go stand by and be left behind if space is tight. The frustration in arguing that the whole point of travel centres around the contents of that box is indescribable! Incidentally just getting through Shetland’s overzealous security to departures is quite a feat especially if you happen to have pedals, cable ties or tubular glue in the plastic bag with the toothpaste in your hand luggage whilst suspicious white powder secreted around your person can cause considerable alarm!
Christine looking for someone … ANYONE … or even an aeroplane maybe … at Sumburgh airport ferry to Aberdeen and if all the events were in Aberdeen and time not an issue then this would be blissfully easy in comparison. Cycle on in Lerwick, eat and sleep for several hours then ride off into Aberdeen town centre at 7am. Some of the club members do this for the district events even though it can mean a lengthy warm up ride to the start line but it also enables them to conveniently catch the ferry back that evening. Unlike Flybe, Northlink ferries carry the bike free and even offer a discount for club members. Of course there is the issue of bad crossings but there again flying to Shetland isn’t always smooth sailing either! Unfortunately with a full time job and already badly neglected family I do not have the luxury of time so have to brace myself for the Flybe treatment . Of course all this is just half the story..... having got to the start on time all that's left is the easy bit!!!
The alternative to flying is an overnight journey on the SEE MORE AT
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Testing Times would like to hear from you. If you’ve got a story to be told, or no-one ever listens to you, this could be YOUR chance to ‘sound off’. We’re doing it all the time :-) Send stories, features, wine (see ‘What’s your tipple’ page 2), food etc to ian@planet-x-bikes.com PAGE 15
Megalenticular discs on trial Paul Hyde donned his false moustache and went undercover recently to try out the latest in lenticular lunacy.
Testing Times’ fearless phobia-free phenomenon Paul Hyde at work
Revolting vegetables bring an end to Testing Times’ lettuce page
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Hyde reported that the shape of the wheels offered no obvious advantage when travelling at 25 mph on dry land, but conceded that they did come into their own when sailing along at any more 15 knots on a light swell.
The more observant readers of Testing Times may have noticed the demise of its controversial lettuce page. Over recent months, the editorial team has been pleased to accept lettuce from anybody willing to write. Unfortunately, this has led to much criticism from vegetables, particularly the more revolting amongst them. Leading the rebellion were the children's favourites … messrs Brussel Sprout, Runner Bean and Spinach. To prevent further escalation, possibly to the courts of European Justice, Testing Times has reluctantly pulled the plug on its highly over-rated lettuce page. For anyone suffering from withdrawal symptoms, kindly turn to page 12.
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Gambling on … the invention Mick Gambling contributed around 5000 articles, race reports, interviews etc for Cycling Weekly, formerly Cycling. They encompassed a 40-year period, 1965-2004 and half that period, to 1985, included light-hearted pieces. Many were topical for the period, although some are still relevant to the present time. A taste of these will be produced on a regular basis. Mick is alive and well pedalling away in Norfolk. Who invented the bicycle? Right. Hands down again, you know-alls. If a count was taken, how many of you would have had the same answer? I once read that the invention of the bicycle was attributed to Leonardo da Vinci, but from what I’ve heard he was always up to his racing shorts in painting and sculptures. What a name, though, if he had turned to manufacturing. The frame would have needed long tubes just to get it on. Perhaps he would have been a flamboyant road man with a flashy long ‘handle’ to go with it. You can imagine the commentator shouting, “Here comes Leonardo, there goes da Vinci.” Anyway, in 1818 the first recorded machine, the Hobby Horse, was sighted in Paris. It travelled at 10mph and was described as “fearfully and wonderfully made”. But did Leo think of it first? Somehow, I never accepted that the funny old boy could have got down to something sensible. He was always the drop-out type - all paint and marble chippings. You don’t get a trivial bloke, cooped up all day with nude female models, suddenly chuck his brush, or chisel in the corner and announce, “I’m going to invent a bike”. SEE MORE AT
No, I prefer an account of the invention passed on to me in strict confidence. I have never disclosed this before, but I’m fed up with Layabout Leo getting the credit. The real inventor was Harold Hobby. He was a dairyman known as Harry the Horse. This may have been because of his large teeth and ears, or perhaps because he owned a horse which wouldn’t get on with the milk round, unless there was a mare just ahead. A sort of Leo horse. Harold came back from his round one day. “That horse is killing me. Today I had to pull the cart myself, while it sat in the back with that frisky little filly he picked up outside the inn.” “You should have pushed them out,” replied Nellie his wife. They called her Nellie the Nag. Because she did. “This happened previously and you know the trouble about that colt which arrived. Everyone knew our horse was involved because the colt took after its sire and didn't stand up for three months. Then went off with the Highwayman’s gelding.” “OK Nellie, I know. What I need is something to replace it. Maybe a vehicle with four wheels, with a box on top and something to turn the wheels. I could sit in and drive myself along. Let’s call it an auto mobile.” Harry worked hard for a fortnight, until Nellie the Nag came after him. “Can’t you invent something quietly, instead of banging and clattering, when I’m reading the evening parchment?” “Well, it’s coming along nicely. I’m going to call it a motor car. If I can finish this hammering job I will
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have made some petrol to fire the engine.” “How silly,” argued Nell. “All you want is some means of replacing the horse’s legs with your own. We’re not having all that noise for every flagon of petrol.” So Harry worked on Nellie’s idea, using a muffled hammer. “Replace the horse’s legs with my own,” he mused. “Fix them to some wheels with something. People call me a crank. That’s it - cranks!” He set to with a muffled chisel. Next morning Nellie came into the kitchen. “What is that?” she yapped. “It’s er … it’s a … Hobby Horse,” Harry neighed. “What are those stupid things sticking out of the front wheel,” yelped his wife. “They be cranks to help push the wheel round.” “Huh, I’m not having those sticking out in the kitchen. Lonny next door is inventing some stockings and is going to give me a pair. He’s calling them Lonny’s. They will tear on your cranks.” “Oh,” replied the Horse. “Lon has been on those Lonnys for years. Bet they get finished by his great grandson, who will forget all the leg-work done by his fore-fathers. Probably reverse the syllables to Nylons.” “I’ll reverse your syllables,” snorted Nellie the Nag. (Hope you appreciate all this Harry the Horse being married to Nellie the Nag stuff. Her name was Raquel in the first draft, but the Nellie idea came and I had to completely re-write.) “Harry,” said Nellie, “sit on your wheeled horse and run. That’s the answer!” She threw the cranks into the street. A dark figure, covered in daubs and granite flakes, had been skulking outside. It picked up the cranks and sneaked away. That’s how Leo got the credit for the bicycle and poor Harry the Horse was an also-ran.
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Planet X’s Old Skool Series .. returns! THE events for 2010 … be there AND be square! Good Friday 2 April City RC Hull 10 V718 Sat 24 April Bath CC 10 U47 Sat 1 May Cambridge CC 10 F2D/10 Sat 12 August Team Sanjan ‘Old Skool World Championship’ 10 F2A/10 Sat 25 September Wrekinsport ‘Revenge / grudge match 10 for failed World Championship contenders’ K52/10
… and if Planet X’s Old Skool Series is too hard for you, how about trying the Tyne Tees SPOCO series? 2010 Season Preview by Martin Worner The Tyne Tees SPOCO is now in its third season in its current format and is going from strength to strength. The 2009 season was hotly contested with only a couple of points separating the top riders in each league. For 2010 the popular league system continues with the Elite/ Intermediate/Sportive categories meaning that there is something to go for if you are at the top, in the middle or with the back markers. The feedback from many riders is that there is an appetite for riding the sporting courses as an alternative to drag strip racing and the quest for a PB on standard courses. The appeal is for both those who want to ride the series and those who want to get some strength in their legs before tackling the A19. This year’s calendar has the classic hilly races, starting with the Bishop Auckland 32 followed by the epic SEE MORE AT
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Teesdale Mountain, which is arguably the toughest time trial in the country (second only to Wrekinsport’s Old Skool 10 on the K52/10 in September) and the Tyneside Vagabonds’ 47-mile Mountain Time Trial. In addition to these there are the shorter hilly rides like Richmond’s 24 and the Derwentside 14 which was dramatic last season with a howling gale on the moor tops. There are some flatter, twisty routes such as the opening Cleveland Wheelers event and the M21 course featuring twice.
Contrary to popular belief, no events are being run on the M62, M25 or M6. Qualification is automatic with a minimum number of events to count and it is hoped that the series continues to attract the support enjoyed in the last couple of series. The first event kicked off on the 14th of March on the rolling 21 mile course around Stokesley.
A new course, the M26, has been introduced this year run by Tyneside Vagabonds, and as last year the Rudy Project round run by the Teesside District/Teesdale CRC will count as part of the series.
STOP PRESS … Cammish slaughters field in City Road Club Hull’s Easter Old Skool 10 amidst accusations of flaunting stringent rules and regs. Full story in next months issue … if we can be bothered. Cammish (left) taking the pith at Hull. Photo courtesy of that very nice man Martin Henson. Even better photos of far faster riders here http://martin.photium.com/portfolio91737.html
MORE STOP PRESS … Allegations of Superman position being used in Old Skool Series. “Not in the spirit of the competition” claims ‘sour-grapes’ Cammish SEE MORE AT
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NOB OFF … the back The Rap Sheet of Suffolk’s own ‘Windy Miller’- Anglia Velo’s Jim Burgess It was quite an honour to link up with one of the fastest 10 milers around from the past and now on the comeback trail. In 2010 we could see an 18 minute ‘10’ being produced on his local B courses. Jim Burgess is a builder extraordinaire, who took four years to get a barn converted into his current den which houses his family. His love of fixed machinery instils speed in his current machine and we expect some special results this coming year as long as he keeps out of the local DIY shops that is! Full name: Jim Burgess. Height: 1.83 metre. Weight: 71 kg. Place of residence: Beccles, Suffolk. Current club: Anglia Velo. Most memorable moment: Birth of my daughter, Grace in 2003. Most embarrassing moment: I've been quite lucky really in that respect over the years, so would have to say the first time I farted in front of my girlfriend (now wife) Sharon. We were on a romantic ‘couples’ holiday in Jamaica and I over strained getting up from the sun lounger by the pool, it turned several heads from quite a distance! Who was your boyhood hero: The Incredible Hulk. Biggest influence on your career: Graeme Obree, purely for his ingenuity and how he took on the hour record. Campagnolo or Shimano: Shimano, although my fixed wheel TT bike is a mixture of both (should have asked me gears or fixed (lol)).
At full flight in an Anglia Velo 10 last year on his comeback. Picture by kind permission of Mark Cozens www.mphotography.co.uk Favourite musical group or singer: I have a really broad range of taste when it comes to music, but for lyrical talent I would have to say Eminem. Educational attainment: Failed at most things at school but went on to achieve City and Guilds in Production/ Mechanical Engineering at college. What’s the most trouble you have ever been in: In 1996 I managed to get stopped for speeding twice in the same day by the same policeman, 6 points and £500 fine in total. Pet hates: Smokers and flat cap Sunday drivers. Your best achievement is: Getting a job after leaving school (teachers had given up on me!). Cycling achievement would be my 19:10 on 108" fixed. :-) Current job: I'm a Senior Buyer for Timberwolf Wood Chippers, not a very exciting job but it pays the mortgage. Current make of car: Audi A3 2.0 TDI SE. Married or single? Married, but wife reckons I still act as if I'm single. Best TV show: Top Gear.
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Best film: Pulp Fiction. Favourite actor & actress: Robert Di Nero & Jessica Alba. Favourite drink: Guinness extra cold.
Nob says: “I still think you need a Ghibli to improve those times Jim”. Not once did I mention ‘Carrot Crunchers’ as we at Testing Times support the vegetable.
Favourite food: Chinese - Crispy Pork with Hoi Sin Sauce goes down well.
Sir Nob of Two Ghiblis
Which country would you most like to visit: Australia to see my cousin and his family who live in New South Wales. Is there anything you would change about your cycling career? Wish I had taken it up at an earlier age; I was 23 when I first competed in MTB racing and 24 when I started TT'ing. Your favourite piece of cycling kit you'd like too own or own: That would have to be my Graham Weigh Fixed TT bike. Favourite time trial course & why: B10/3 on the A11 near to Attleborough in Norfolk. I've done most of my solo 19's on there in previous years as well as an 18:18 on a tandem with team mate Andy Hutchison in 2002. What advice can you give to up & coming cyclists? Structure your training so that it's enjoyable, productive and progressive. Take what others say they do with a pinch of salt.... 10 years from now you will be: 47 and hopefully still competing to the best of my ability. What can’t you live without: Chocolate and cake. What other interests do you have? The usual man thing: DIY, retail therapy and I also do a fair bit of jogging. Who would you share a desert island with if marooned and why? Well it would have to be someone funny to keep the spirits up, most probably funny man Michael McIntyre. Favourite clothing material (PVC, Lycra, wool etc): On females I'd say my favourite is PVC !! Personally most of my clothing is made from cotton.
Jim also explained a little more about himself: “My last prolific season was 2004 when I won 19 out of 20 races. I did several sub-20 minute rides. I was East District Champion at ‘10’, ‘15’, ‘25’, ‘30’ and ‘50’ miles (all done on fixed wheel). After not riding a bike for 4 years (due to working heavily on our barn conversion) I returned last season with just 2 hrs of training a week and have already turned out a 20:25 for 10 miles.” SEE MORE AT
Coming next month … Fed up with getting his feet wet (see Mega-lenticular discs on trial report) Testing Times’ fearless phobia-free phenomenon Paul Hyde has been seen out and about on Kent’s drag-strips trying out the latest version of Planet X’s Exocet time trial machine (see above). Testing Times hopes to carry a full report in a later issue.
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