The insider’s view…

Some reflections on parenthood, from Place2Be Clinician and Trainer, Karen Stocks.

When I became a mother, I hadn’t considered how different a real child would be from Jemima, the doll I had loved and ‘mothered’ as a five-year-old. I was full of maternal dreaming, like in a fairy tale where everyone lives happily ever after. I was still young and I had hardly started to be an adult.

How do we develop into parenthood? We draw upon our own experiences, while learning from other parents, reading parenting books or listening to podcasts. We then bring all that we are at that point in our lives to the role of being a parent.

I became a parent when I was still learning how to care for myself. My relationship with my children’s father was still in the early stages and when our first baby was born we were both dealing with some difficult family issues and loss. Our oldest daughter arrived after a worrying caesarean section birth and feeding her was challenging. There was so much I wasn’t ready for. I remember feeling proud but also scared and overwhelmed. them, to help them grow, to listen to them, and to be there for them when they came looking for me.

In the early days, I found it difficult to understand what my baby needed, or how I should respond. Over time, I realised that the most important thing my children needed was me. They needed me to play with

My story of parenthood is one of seeking help and learning, often through my mistakes. I have learned to be kind to myself, especially during moments of struggle. I have never felt like a confident mother, but that hasn’t stopped me seeking growth and wanting to develop my parenting skills. Find more thoughts and tips on parenting at parentingsmart.org.uk

My three daughters are now in their twenties - past the age I was when I first became a mother. Being their mum is amazing, and challenging, and I wouldn’t change a minute of it. My daughters have seen me struggle. They know it’s okay to be real, to feel deeply and to ask for help.