Managing those meltdown moments

Parenting Smart offers practical advice for parents and carers of children aged 4-11, featuring content created by Place2Be’s parenting experts. It’s based on evidence and their experiences working with children, young people and their families – and is supported by kind people like you. In this edition, we’re looking at the escalation cycle…

Escalation phase

Signs: your child displays signs of agitation such as whining or sulking. What to do: distract and redirect your child’s attention.

De-escalation phase

When your child’s emotions are escalating it will be difficult for them to think clearly or problem-solve effectively. And when our child’s emotions are escalating we often experience strong and confusing emotions as well.

The escalation cycle is made of six phases:

Signs: your child is starting to calm down.

What to do: DO NOT rehash the incident. Show respect and compassion.

Calm phase

Signs: your child seems content, able to engage in activities and enjoy them.

What to do: praise good behaviour and find opportunities to connect.

Trigger phase

Signs: your child may show signs of struggling to do something. They could be hungry, tired or bored.

What to do: help them work out what is bothering them, and solve it with them if you can.

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Overwhelm phase

Signs: your child seems out of control, e.g. they might be kicking or screaming.

What to do: focus on safety, give them space. Control your own response. This is your opportunity to model calm behaviour.

Recover & Repair phase

Signs: your child is completely calm.

What to do: discuss what happened, problem solve together and practise calming techniques.

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Remember , if your child’s behaviour has already escalated, you won’t be able to reason with them. Avoid asking questions, offering solutions, or corrections until they are calm. Because it’s so hard for anyone to think when we are overwhelmed, it’s also good to think about ways of keeping calm before things escalate.

For more information, including calming activities for parents, go to parentingsmart.org.uk