8 minute read
Managing Uncertainty
Developing resilience and finding the certainty you need from within
By Cleo Whitehead
Advertisement
I think it goes without saying that we like to feel in control of our lives and the situations that take place around us. Whilst this is possible to a certain extent there is no way that we can control everything that takes place. Uncertainty is a natural part of the human experience and COVID-19 is proof that unexpected things happen sometimes without much notice. We aren’t always equipped to know how to handle uncertain situations, and this doesn’t feel particularly comfortable to the human nervous system.
We are hardwired to look for certainty, safety, and security in our lives. Why? Because once upon a time (many years ago) we would have spent our time fighting for our lives in the wilderness. Whilst life can feel extremely difficult at times, most of us today aren’t physically fighting to stay alive under these conditions. However, our nervous system isn’t designed to understand the difference between REAL danger and perceived danger, so whilst our living conditions have changed for the better, we still operate from this wiring system. Our nervous system is simply picking up on our thoughts about the world around us and responding accordingly. So, if our thoughts are centred around feeling safe and secure our nervous system will respond with feelings of safety and security. However, if our thoughts are centred on worry and concern, our nervous system will respond to this worry and concern with feelings of stress, anxiety and overwhelm.
The truth about worry
In the midst of COVID-19 and modern-day life, most of us understand how it feels to be uncertain about something. Whether it’s around finances, a relationship, a career, a house move, or just the future in general, we’ve all experienced uncertainty. We also know that feeling uncertain can leave us feeling anxious, stressed and burnt out, and so it is only natural that we look for ways to manage this uncertainty. Subconsciously, most often we lean on the habitual tool that is best known as “worry”.
(Randy Armstrong) Worry plays its part in that it provides the illusion that we are in control. Subconsciously we believe that if we think about this situation and all the possibilities, if we play out the situation over and over in our minds – the more likely we are going to be able to handle it, and things will turn out just how we want. However, what can actually happen is that this style of rumination increases cortisol (stress hormone) in the body, over stimulates the nervous system, and lowers our overall resilience and our ability to problem solve and self-actualise. Effectively we enter a stage of flight, fright, freeze and fawn (WHO, 2020). So, with this in mind, how can we learn to manage the uncertainty of the human experience and negative situations that take place in a healthy and helpful way?
Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts. However, we can learn to bring conscious awareness to these subconscious and often unhelpful patterns of thinking. When something feels stressful it is impossible to just change how we feel about it overnight. However, with mindset work and practical tools we can change how we feel about uncertainty and develop our resilience over time.
Although we can’t control everything that happens around us, we do have control of the way in which we perceive the obstacles, difficult situations and the uncomfortable feelings we experience in our lives. We can control how we manage our mindset when things aren’t going the way we’d hoped. The more acceptance we develop around this uncertainty, the more resilient we can become.
Mindset work & managing uncertainty
A term that is now routinely discussed in the field of positive psychology and personal development is growth mindset. This term refers to the idea that our mindset, personality and the way we handle life circumstances is flexible and can grow, develop and change with practice. Current research in neuroscience and neuroplasticity reiterates this claim and it has been linked to resilience and grit in several different populations (Nestler et al, 2012; Teicher et al, 2016). Traits of a growth mindset include: • Reframing failures into positive experience and seeing them as feedback. • Accepting both the positive and negative experiences of life and placing our attention on improving situations and then moving on in a healthy way. • Accepting that uncertainty is a part of life and cannot be avoided.
• The belief that we can’t all be good at everything and focusing on our strengths is the most effective way to use our energy. • A high level of worthiness and self-esteem that isn’t dependant on output or action and the ability to offer ourselves self-compassion under any circumstance.
Positive Psychology Interventions
Now this may seem like a lot of traits to develop, but the good news is these traits are built naturally and in combination with each other through positive psychological interventions. There are many interventions that are encouraged when trying to increase our resilience and manage stress and uncertainty. In recent years, research emphasises the positive effects of gratitude and savouring on our overall wellbeing (Bryant & Veroff, 2007; Emmons, 2013). When we focus on appreciation and savour the good things in our life, we take our attention away from our negativity bias, our positive emotions increase and our nervous system relaxes. Research around Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Programmes also shows positive effects on our emotions and ability to regulate mood. Which again has a ripple effect on our resilience and ability to manage adversity (Kabat Zinn, 1982).
Mindset work through Coaching
Coaching is an invaluable tool for personal development, resilience building, and for managing stress and uncertainty. A coach has many roles but one that is vital with any client is to develop their awareness around what they can and can’t control and to support them in placing their focus and energy on the areas that allow them to thrive and flourish in their lives, even in times of stress.
Talking and sharing
The use of coaching as a resilience tool also leads us nicely to the discussion on the importance of talking about how we feel. When we feel out of control or uncertain, we are often inclined to keep it to ourselves and avoid discussing it with others. Longitudinal studies now show that connection with others drastically reduces our levels of stress. In her evidence-based research, Barbara Frederickson defines this as “micro moments of positivity resonance”. What she means by this is when we share our stress with others, we experience
micro moments of resonance. This causes our oxytocin (love hormone) to increase and we feel supported, seen and connected. Which then improves our wellbeing and reduces stress and feelings of being overwhelmed. Dr Rumani Duvasula is a psychologist and therapist from the US who also suggests that many of her clients have expressed guilt around discussing their own worries and concerns during the pandemic – suggesting that the COVID pandemic and what others may be experiencing, like the death of loved ones, somehow invalidates their daily stresses and fears. She suggests this is an important notion to eradicate because our normal everyday experiences - like marriage issues, parenting issues and financial issues - do not go away just because of the pandemic: keeping our feelings buried is one of the biggest causes of mental health crisis in the UK today.
Important points to consider
The term resilience has been used here on a number of occasions and I think it is important to highlight that being resilient doesn’t mean that we don’t experience discomfort or distress. Discomfort and distress are a natural part of the human experience, and our resilience levels are based on how we manage the inevitable discomfort and distress that comes our way. We have a choice over whether we ruminate, catastrophise, adopt a victim mentality and think that the worst will happen OR we loosen the grip on what we expect should happen in every situation, learn from our experience, and place our attention on what is working and what we can control in our inner and outer environment.
Using the tools mentioned in this article we can find the certainty in uncertainty and find a place of safety and security within ourselves when our external world feels difficult to manage.
Quick tips to manage & reframe uncertainty.
• Focus on the present moment through savouring, gratitude and positive distraction and place your attention on what you can control in the now. • Find meaning through your experience and ask yourself “what can I learn from this situation”. • Talk to people about how you feel, seek support where you can and relieve stress through micro moments of positivity resonance. Remember, you are not an island.
• Think about all the things you have managed and overcome in your life until now, and remind yourself that you are strong enough to manage anything that comes your way. For further information, please contact Cleo at cleo@coachingwithcleo.co.uk
References
Bryant, F. B., & Veroff, J. (2007). Savoring: A new model of positive experience. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers. Emmons, R. A. (2016). The Little Book of Gratitude: Create a Life of Happiness and Wellbeing by Giving Thanks. London. Gaia. Fredrickson, Barbara. (2014). Love 2.0 : Creating Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection. New York: Plume. Frankl, Viktor E. (1984). Man’s Search for Meaning: An Introduction to Logotherapy. New York: Simon & Schuster. Russo, S. J., Murrough, J. W., Han, M. H., Charney, D. S., & Nestler, E. J. (2012). Neurobiology of resilience. Nature neuroscience, 15(11), 1475–1484. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.3234 Teicher, M., Samson, J., Anderson, C. et al. The effects of childhood maltreatment on brain structure, function and connectivity. Nat Rev Neurosci 17, 652–666 (2016). https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn.2016.111
Websites
Savoring in Psychology: 21 Exercises and Interventions to Appreciate Life (positivepsychology.com) Doctor Ramani – Take your life back. (doctor-ramani.com) The World Health Organisation - https://www.who.int/ The Science of Mindfulness - Mindful
Cleo Whitehead
Growth Mindset Coach/Facilitator Coaching with Cleo
