family secret a pedophile hides,” says Mary. Thus, their pedophilia remains occult. Perpetrators live in all types of homes, in all types of neighborhoods. As of April 2013, there were 747,408 registered sex offenders living in the United States, with another 100,000 lost in the system. North Carolina has the fifth-lowest rate of sex offenders in the nation, with 149 per 100,000 people. You can perform an online search for your state’s sex offender registry for information, including addresses for convicted and registered offenders within a few miles of any address you put in the search. North Carolina’s search is at sexoffender.ncdoj.gov.
How predators lure children A predator needs time alone with the child. He wants to earn the child’s complete trust, so he may give lots of attention by spending time with the child, talking to him or her on the phone or Internet, or planning special outings. Another common way a sexual predator works to win over a child or teen is to buy him or her gifts, toys, candy or forbidden items such as alcohol or cigarettes, which is something Stephanie had been given. These gifts make the child feel as though he or she owes something, or that there should be some reciprocity. If the child accepts items prohibited by parents, he or she is even less likely to come forward with what is happening. The Internet has become an easy way for predators to find what they want. “Unfortunately,” says Paul Adkison, founder of ZABRA, a social media monitoring and alert service, “predators can reach chil-
dren through a variety of methods, including social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. And the greatest danger is that they can target multiple people at once until they find someone who’s willing to share personal information with them or meet in person.”
What a parent can do Monitoring social media use is crucial. “Friend” or “follow” your son or daughter on Facebook or Twitter, but do more. Have many candid conversations with him or her. “Remind them to always ask, ‘Do I know this person?’ If not, there is no reason to interact with him or share personal information,” says Adkison. “Teach your child to never keep secrets of any kind and teach her good judgment,” says Bryte Marziano, psychologist at the Lucy Daniels Center for Early Childhood in Cary. “Teach what is improper behavior and inappropriate touch. Never leave her with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable.” Parents should ask themselves if there are any adults who could use their social status or relationship to gain access to and isolate their child, and also stay involved and informed about children’s interactions with coaches, youth directors, family friends and other trusted advisors. In an attempt to teach children about appropriate versus inappropriate relationships with adults, Julie Clark, founder of The Baby Einstein Company, teamed up with John Walsh, whose 6-year-old son was abducted and murdered, to create a video series called The Safe Side. The concept helps children identify three types of grown-ups — Don’t Knows, Kinda Knows and Safe Side Adults — terms that are more understandable to young children
10 SIGNS OF POSSIBLE SEXUAL ABUSE 1. Sudden unexplained mood swings, changes in personality or suicide attempts. 2. Nightmares and unexplained sleep problems. 3. Changes in eating habits or trouble swallowing. 4. Suddenly has money, toys or gifts without reason. 5. Develops new or unusual fear of certain people or places. 6. Physical signs, such as bruises or soreness around genitals or mouth. 7. Fear of intimacy or closeness with others. 8. Acts out sexual behavior during play. 9. Exhibits adultlike sexual behaviors, language and knowledge. 10. Regression in behaviors, such as bedwetting.
piedmontparent.com
| MARCH 2014
13