PENS OUT FOR KAI [Digital Booklet]

take care of me

It had started with a slight scratchy feeling in his throat.

Jongin hadn't thought much about it. It tended to happen. Especially when he was sleep-deprived and in the middle of preparing a new choreography, recording for SuperM, taking photos, making MVs for their songs. All in his entire schedule was filled to the brim; he didn't have much time to rest. His sleep pattern was fucked up and he was glad when he could get a few hours every night. He took naps on breaks when it was possible and none of their Maknae's needed his attention.

But his sore throat had turned into a stuffed nose and pain in his ears and a full- blown headache over the day. Every time Jongin bent down he thought his eyes would explode from the pressure behind them and every hard impact made his head throb.

He was exhausted, his body was screaming for a break. One that Jongin wasn't ready to take yet.

Jongin was alone in the dance studio by now. It was way past midnight, the others had left hours ago but he wanted to bring that choreography to perfection and when he had to pull an all-nighter again, so be it.

He went through the first sequences of the dance without a problem. It was when he reached the part with a turn and jump move that a strong pain flashed through his head. Jongin lost balance, landed wrong and crashed to the floor. The impact sent another electric-feeling shock through his body and Jongin groaned loudly. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to catalogue the damage the fall had on him.

His foot hurt. It was the one where he had already injured the ligaments twice before and it wasn’t ideal. But the pain was bearable, so it wasn’t that bad he concluded. Aside from that his whole body seemed to hurt. From his toes to the tips of his fingers everything throbbed from the long day of practising and probably his cold. Because it wasn’t ‘just a sore throat’, Jongin had to admit.

This was a full-blown cold. He was about 90percent sure that he was running a

fever too. And the cold hardwood floor of the dance studio didn’t help with that either. He was already freezing as it was.

Jongin pushed himself up with a groan, a wave of dizziness hitting him out of nowhere and he sat on the floor for a few moment. He considered calling Taemin for a second. But it was in the middle of the night. Last time he had checked it was close to 1am and his boyfriend was probably asleep by now.

At least Jongin hoped so. Taemin’s schedule was as packed as his, with the promotion for his own solo-comeback, the promotion and shoots for SuperM and his upcoming TV show.

He didn't want to bother him. It wasn't necessary. He would go through the choreo one last time and head home, getting a few hours of sleep and would be as good as new. No need to worry Taemin or his manager.

Jongin pushed himself up from the floor when a new wave of vertigo hit him.

Maybe it was better when he stayed in a lying position. The floor was hard, for sure, and cold, but he could sleep here. All he needed to do was set his alarm that he would be awake before the others arrived. There was still a new set of clothes in his locker, so he should be safe and no one would be the wiser that he stayed here all night, slowly dying on the ground because of a little cold.

Just a little nap and he would be as good as new.

~*~

The next time Jongin opened his eyes he was surrounded by warmth and darkness, a soft pillow under his cheek and wrapped up in one of the warmest blankets that had ever existed. With a soft sigh, he turned, snuggled deeper into the cozy fabric and drifted off again. This was nice. So so nice.

Jongin startled a bit when a warm hand pushed through his hair, thumb caressing his eyebrow, a well-known body plastered against his back, one arm tightly wrapped around his chest.

“You with me, Nini?” Taemin’s warm voice asked quietly and he hummed in agreement. “You are at home. I found you passed out in the studio. You scared the shit out of me.” Tender lips pressed against his temple. “I called in, we are staying home today, so you can recover.”

“But your schedule,” Jongin mumbled into the pillows.

“Yeah, as if I could concentrate a single second knowing you will push yourself too hard and not rest,” Taemin stated. “We are staying home and I will take care of you,” he said with finality and no space for arguments. “‘kay,” Jongin agreed sleepy before he turned, pressing his face against Taemin’s chest, snuggling closer to his boyfriend. “Now sleep.”

Taemin brought his hand back into Jongin’s hair, massaging his scalp carefully to lessen his headache while he hummed an unknown tune under his breath, lulling Jongin back to sleep.

~*~

The next morning Jongin was alone in bed when he opened his eyes but he could hear Taemin talking. Jongin sat up, fingers raking through his sleep mussed hair. He felt like shit. His head was still pounding, his eyes felt dry, his nose stuffed so he had to breathe through his mouth to get enough air. He also felt kind of sweaty and was disgusted with himself because he hadn’t been able to shower after practice yesterday.

As he was about to swing his legs out of bed, the door opened and he was confronted with his boyfriend, an unamused look on his face, eyebrow raised at him, leaning against the doorframe.

“And you think you are doing what now, Kim Jongin?”

Uh-oh … his full name. He was in deep deep trouble. “Uh … shower?”

Taemin pushed himself off of the doorframe and walked to Jongin, finger pointed at him, eyes furious. He really was intimidating when he was angry.

“No,” Taemin said when he was face to face with Jongin, finger pressing against his chest. “I tell you what you will do now. You will lie back down and stay in bed as long as I seem fit. You fainted in the dance studio this morning, Jongin!

When I didn’t hear from you for hours I called Baekhyun to ask him if you were alright and he said you weren’t home yet. So I went to the studio just to find you passed out on the cold floor! You had a fever, Jongin! You still do and I will make sure you stay here until you are better.” Taemin looked him in the eyes. “Lie back down.”

Jongin complied, not wanting to upset Taemin further. The older hummed appreciatively when he tucked him back in and brushed his hand over his head before he sat down on the side of the bed, fingers resting against Jongin’s cheek.

“I know you hate being sick Jongin. But … I was so worried. You have to take better care of yourself. I don’t know what I would do without you, Nini.

So please, be more careful. For me?”

Jongin pressed his face into Taemin’s warm hand. “‘m sorry Taeminnie. I didn’t think much of it. Thought it was the stress.”

“Yeah,” Taemin hummed. “Apparently not. We will stay here today. I have some soup on the stove to warm up if you want something to eat. You hungry?”

Jongin nodded shortly and Taemin leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll be right back. Try to get some more rest, yeah?” “‘kay,” Jongin agreed, eyes already closing again.

There was another kiss, this time on his cheek before Taemin retreated his hand and stood back up to leave the room. Jongin let himself sink back into

And it was nice for a change that someone else took care of him.

Especially when it was Taemin.

Jongin was brought back from his nap a bit later when Taemin slid into bed and arranged him so that he was resting against his chest, his body bracketed between Taemin’s legs, feet pressed underneath Jongin’s thighs to keep them warm. Somehow Taemin always had cold feet, no matter what he did.

His head rested against one of Taemin’s shoulders and for the first time, it occurred to Jongin that he could infect Taemin with his cold and tried to move away. But Taemin wouldn’t have any of it and pulled him back.

“Stay,” he said, nosing on Jongin’s temple. “It’s nice to have you all to myself.

I missed that.”

Jongin hummed in agreement. The last months had been so so busy for both of them. The pandemic situation, SuperM, preparing for their own solo comeback. There hadn’t been much time to spend together. At least not alone.

So Jongin settled back against Taemin’s chest who grabbed the bowl of soup from the bedside table and held out the spoon to him. Jongin took it and it needed some shuffling from both of them so he could eat properly but they made it work. The soup was good and Jongin ate it all because he realised after the first sip how hungry he really was.

When he was finished he placed the bowl back and snuggled closer to Taemin, who had one arm wrapped around his stomach, hand moving in slow circles over his tummy, the other was slung carefully around his neck. Jongin placed his hand over the one on his stomach and intertwined their fingers.

“This is nice,” Jongin said quietly. “Missed that a lot too.”

Taemin rested his temple against Jongin’s. “Maybe we should try to make space for more alone time? I know the next weeks and months will be a tight fit, but we could make it work if we only want it.”

Jongin turned his head a bit, looking into Taemin’s face. “Move in with me.”

Taemin jerked his head back, staring at Jongin with wide eyes. “What?” he croaked.

They never had talked about it before. But it had been on Jongin’s mind over and over again during the last few months. His need to spend all his free time with Taemin only grew stronger over the last few weeks.

“Move in with me,” he repeated. “I thought about it a lot and it would solve the problem to spend more time together? When we would live in the same flat. We can make it work and I know you want it too.”

Taemin stared at him for a few more moments, the gears in his brain turning fast. “You … you are serious,” he breathed.

Jongin nodded. “I am. Only if you want of course. I know it’s a big step. But on the other hand, you’d be able to look after me more often.”

Taemin blinked a few times before he pulled Jongin in with the arm around his neck and kissed him square on the mouth, startling a surprised noise out of Jongin.

“You stupid bear! Of course, I want to move in with you, Nini.” Taemin kissed him again, a big smile on his face. “I love you, Kim Jongin.”

“Good,” he hummed against Taemin’s lips, his eyes closing again as tiredness overtook him once again. “I love you too, Lee Taemin.”

And this time it wasn’t all that bad when Taemin used his full name because a warm feeling spread through his body that wasn’t related to the fever.

Taemin pulled the blanket over them and scooted lower onto the bed, so Jongin was lying flat on his chest.

“Sleep, Nini bear.” Kiss to his forehead. “When you are healthy again we can talk about me moving in with you.”

Taemin wrapped his arm around Jongin’s head and held him tenderly.

Yeah, when he was well again, they would talk about their future together.

A future he wanted to spend with his Taeminnie. Forever.

sharing is caring

Being a teacher is a blessing. Jongin knows he wanted to be one since he was young. After graduating from university majoring in Education, he applied to become a kindergarten teacher at Sunflower Pre-school. He has been teaching for 4 years now and not a single day he regretted his decision. It felt right.

He loves the atmosphere in class, full of colors and enthusiasm. Not to mention the cute kids! The adorable tiny humans always make him feel happy. Nothing beats the bright smile on their faces in the morning, so eager to learn and to play. And the feeling of pride that swells Jongin’s heart whenever they finally learn their ABCs or successfully count up to 10.

Even though it’s a delightful profession, the job comes with a lot of hard work and patience too. Not every day is sunshine and rainbows, and it seems like today is that type of day.

“Hunnie, I can’t help you if you’re not telling me what’s wrong..” Jongin said with a comforting voice, hands caressing the crying boy’s head. He’s on the floor with the boy clutching to him while sobbing.

Though it’s only been 1 month since the first day of school, this is not the first time Hunnie gets upset in the classroom. The small boy often gets picked on by the others because of his lisps. He also doesn’t talk much and not good at sharing his toys. At first, Jongin thought it’s because the boy is very shy, but now he’s worried that it’s something more than that.

“Yeo-Yeollie was mean to me..” The boy said in between hiccups, voice muffled by Jongin’s clothes.

“What did Yeollie do?” Jongin asks in a calm manner as his eyes roam across the room, searching for the mentioned ‘suspect’. And there he is, the taller boy, standing on the other corner of the room, glancing at them with a little guilt in his eyes.

“H- He told me.. I’m sthu- stupid..” then Hunnie breaks down in another sob.

Jongin soothes his back. It’s already hard for the kid to make friends, it must be shocking to receive an insult like that.

He picks the small boy and walks outside the classroom, glancing at the other boy.

“Yeollie, come follow me.” Jongin stayed calm, but he changed his tone into a more serious one.

Jongin doesn’t want to embarrass the little boys, so after they found a quiet place where no other students can see them, he finally settles Sehun down so he could stand beside Chanyeol to face Jongin.

“Okay, so can somebody explain to me what happened?”

“I did nothing wrong, Mr. Kim! It’s Hunnie who is a cry baby!” the 5-yearold said, arm crossed in front of his chest.

Hunnie cries a little harder. A bubble of snot forms under his nose.

“Yeollie, what happened?” Jongin tries again. And after a huff, the boy explains with a grumble.

“I was coloring the sky with blue, and then I wanted to color the grass too. Hunnie has green on his hand, so I say ‘Hunnie give me the green’, then he looks at me and shakes his head,” The boy paused to take a deep breath, then he continues, “I told him. ‘I will return it quickly’ but he said no again and continues drawing. So I look at his paper and he was drawing everything in green! He even drew a person in green. Nobody has green skin, Mr. Kim!” Sehun snaps his head to Chanyeol with such anger, “th-then you called me stupid!”

Jongin sighs.

“Yeollie. You know that’s not a very nice thing to say, right?” the teacher tries to make sure his student is listening with respect, not fear.

“Hunnie was using the green, so it was better for you to be patient and wait until Hunnie can share the color with you. And even though Hunnie uses green to color a person’s skin, it’s not right to call him stupid. I’ve seen you colored a duck with pink once, did I do the same to you?” The taller boy shakes his head with a pout.

“And Hunnie, it’s okay to share your colors when you’re done using one.

You can ask your friends to switch colors too if you need to use them. I’m sure if everyone asking it nicely, and waiting for their turn patiently, you get to use every color you need. Sharing is caring.”

Hunnie wipes his tears with his forearm. After telling the two boys to hug it out and apologize to each other, Chanyeol ran back to their class and Hunnie walks with the teacher with his small fingers wrap around Jongin’s pinky.

Just before they entered the classroom, Hunnie pulled Jongin’s finger, catching the teacher’s attention “Mr. Kim... Can I draw beside you?”

Jongin hesitates a bit, he knows it was better to indulge the kids to socialize more and learn how to deal with the aftermath of anger by himself. Sehun has already been too attached to him for these 4 weeks, to the extent of not responding to any other teacher but him (which resulted in him getting weird looks from the other teachers). But Jongin nods at the small boy anyway, thinking maybe he shouldn’t push him further today. He really can’t resist the boy’s little pout and teary eyes.

The class continues and Sehun sits peacefully beside Jongin, drawing on his small table and his tiny chair alone while everybody else was drawing in groups. The theme today was to draw family. They can draw their loved ones including their dogs if they have one. Jongin looks at Sehun who still insists on drawing with one crayon. He sighs. Should he talk to Sehun’s parents? Is it too early to tell about his concerns? He wants Sehun to be more comfortable and confident in class, but he doesn’t want to come off as rude to the boy’s parents.

Jongin’s thought was interrupted by Sehun who showed him his finish greenthemed drawing with a smile on his face. Jongin knows it’s a picture of 3 people holding hands in a park, but he needs the kid to learn to talk more, so he asks anyways, “oh, that looks very nice, Sehun. Would you like to tell me the story behind it?” Jongin crouches down, leveling his eyes with Sehun. “umm..” the boy gulps as if it’s really hard for him to talk, “Th-this is a tree..” he points at the tall green drawing, “..grass” his small index finger moves to the lower part of the paper, “This is Sehunnie..” he points to the small stick-man figure placed in the middle, and moves to the one on the right, “Sehunnie’s daddy..” “..aaand your mum?” Jongin finishes the little boy’s sentence and points to the person on the left. The boy shakes his head and Jongin looks at him with confusion.

“This is you, Mr. Kim. Can’t you tell?” the boy looks back and forth between the paper and Jongin. The teacher can sense a little panic in him as if he’s blaming himself for not drawing it better. Jongin immediately tries to calm the boy down. “ahh I should’ve worn my glasses to see your art better, now that I’m looking at it closer, it looks a lot like me! Thank you for drawing this Sehunnie, this is very good!” Jongin ruffles the smiling boy’s hair. The small compliment must’ve meant a lot to him, the little guy can’t stop grinning and looking at his drawings.

Jongin sits back on his chair, thinking about the reason Sehun’s drawing. So the kid has no mother? Is the kid okay? Is that why he has trouble speaking?

Jongin won’t lie, he was happy that Sehun considered him as who is someone important enough to be included in his drawings. But he’s worried too. Most kids would draw their grandparents, aunties, or even their babysitters. But to draw your teacher in a family-themed drawing session? That’s unheard of.

Sehun is a polite and observant kid. He prefers to be alone most of the time, and he never starts a problem. The more time he spent with the kid, the more he realizes that Sehun needs time to trust someone, and once you’ve gained his trust, he’d be the sweetest kid in the world.

Jongin remembers one time, he left his water bottle at home. So he’d often try to clear his dry throat throughout the class. Sehun, who is well-known as someone who doesn’t like to share, comes up to him silently with his small sippy cup during recess time, offering his water to Jongin. The teacher’s heart swells with happiness as he thanked the kid. Since then, Sehun would come to him whenever he has problems and talks to him whenever he’s feeling upset.

Jongin caresses the boy’s head and sighs. He cares for this kid so much.

It’s 12 pm. The bell rings and the kids start to pack up their bags. Students run out of their classroom and greet their parents, excited to go home. While some have to wait for a couple more minutes until their parents or babysitter come to pick them up. Jongin and the other teachers are already familiar with which kids that usually stay longer and who would pick them up after school.

Chanyeol’s mother would come just in time to pick the boy up after work.

Yixing’s mum or his chauffeur will already be at the door around 10 minutes before the class ends (because the kid has a piano class afterward), and Sehun has always been picked up by a caretaker. A young lady named Yeri would arrive around 20 minutes after the school bells rang. Jongin never saw Sehun being picked by his dad or a family member. Jongin thinks maybe it’s the usual “dad’s too busy working” type of case.

Packing his bag, Jongin raises his eyebrows when he realizes Sehun was the only kid left in class, playing lego in the corner of the classroom. He looks to his wrist, and it’s already 40 minutes after the class ended. It’s unusual, but the kid looks unbothered, comfortable in being alone.

Jongin left his packed bag on the table and walks to the kid. He sits down next to Sehun and plays with him, “Did Yeri tell you that she’ll be late today?”

Jongin asks. Sehun shakes his head no. They continue playing in silence until Sehun’s stomach starts to growl. The kid stills and his face goes red, feeling embarrassed.

“Sehunnie? Are you hungry?” Jongin asks with a chuckle. The boy nods slowly, looking at Jongin with wide eyes, “You should’ve told me earlier before this little tummy of yours starts complaining..” Jongin tickles his stomach and the boy giggles. Jongin walks to his bag and picks up his leftover fried rice, packed by his mum in the morning.

Jongin takes a clean spoon from the pantry and lets the boy feed himself. They talked about the fried rice, their favorite food, their favorite cartoons, their favorite Pororo song.. and the more Jongin talks to Sehun, the more he was reminded by his childhood. At one point he learns that the kid loves to dance although he was shy and timid. Jongin told Sehun to try to perform someday in front of the class, the kid shakes his head violently. Jongin chuckles, and let him finish his food.

Loud footsteps are echoing from the hallway towards the classroom. Jongin assumes that’s probably Yeri’s panic running. Jongin was downright confused when he glances to the door. He didn’t expect a gorgeous man that looks around his age, sweating and panting in his white button-up shirt right in front of his classroom.

“Uh... I’m here for Doh Sehun?” the man speaks out with wide eyes, catching the little boy’s attention.

“Daddy?” The kid perks up with a confused face. The man smiles warmly as he stabilizes his breathing, “Hey bud, I’m sorry for being late.”

Sehun stood up and takes his bag with him, while Jongin cleans the table for them. He can hear the little boy asks “why are you here?” but Jongin didn’t hear his answer. He’s too busy cleaning (distracting himself) and making sure no rice grains fell to the floor. When he’s finished, the teacher walks towards Sehun and his dad. Jongin tries to calm his racing heart. The man looks even more ethereal up close.

“Apologies, Doh Kyungsoo. I’m Sehun’s father.” The man said offering his hand.

Jongin pauses for a second before he shakes the other’s hand “Jongin.

Kim Jongin. The teacher” “Ah so you’re Mr. Kim! Sehun has been telling me a lot about you. Thank you for taking care of my son..” after a bow, the shorter man looks up to him shyly but politely. Neatly cropped hair hangs on his forehead, just above his black- rimmed glasses. He looks like the type that doesn’t talk much, a bit like Sehun.

“No worries, Mr. Doh. Sehun’s a sweet kid,” Jongin smiles before he continues “um..I don’t mean to pry, but I thought Yeri’s going to pick him up?”

“Well.. I thought so too. Until I received a text from her saying she couldn’t when I was in the middle of a hectic kitchen, 10 minutes before the school ends.

So I have to ask my boss and drive here during lunch break, I uh.. work as a chef.” Kyungsoo timidly said. “Once again, I apologize for being late, Mr. Kim.” The man bows into an apology.

“Oh, I totally understand. There’s no need to apologize, Sir.” Jongin shakes his hand and his lunchbox in the air, he needs to stop blushing.

“Right.,” Kyungsoo said with a small smile. And Jongin just nods dumbly. Mr. Doh’s eyes are really big. Jongin clears his throat, he needs to stay professional.

“Daddy, look what I draw today!” Sehun’s voice cracks the silence.

“Waah, that’s very cool, buddy! Tell me more about it on the drive home, okay? Are you hungry?” Kyungsoo asks picking up the small boy in his arms.

Sehun shakes his head.

“Mr. Kim gave me his mum’s fried rice. It was so good! my tummy is full it’s about to bursts!” Sehun explains enthusiastically. Jongin never saw him looking this excited. He chuckles to himself, didn’t realize the dad was looking at him with a surprised look.

“I-I’m so sorry.. I should’ve packed more lunch for Sehunnie this morning.” Kyungsoo said in a panic and Jongin stops him right away

“No no no, it’s alright. I don’t usually finish my lunch either, so it’s a winwin solution for me and this cutie.” Jongin bops the kid’s nose and Sehun giggles.

The room goes back to silent for a while before Sehun tugs at Kyungsoo’s shirt and whispers something in his ears. Kyungsoo’s face goes red and his eyes go wide. “are you sure?” he whispers back to Sehun, and the small boy nods.

Kyungsoo clears his throat, “Sehunnie says, sharing is caring.” Jongin eyes go wide, “and because you cared enough to share him your food. We should do the same to you too..”

Jongin looks at the boy who now has his face hidden in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck.

“Would you like to.. have dinner with us? It doesn’t have to be today, and I don’t want you to feel pressured I understand that you might have better places to go-“ “I’d love to, Mr. Doh. Only if you don’t mind though..” Jongin smiles warmly.

“No, not at all! I mean.. I’d- it’s.. I just..” the dad blinks fast. Is he flustered? cute. Jongin patiently waits until Kyungsoo can finally form a sentence. He’s a lot like Sehun.

“I’m sorry.. Sehun’s been talking a lot about you and I’ve realized I should pay more attention to him and his study.. I think it’d be a great opportunity to talk through it with you.” Kyungsoo sighs and looks up to Jongin, hoping he makes some sense.

“Right, of course. I’m glad I could help.” Jongin nods and takes a mental note.

This meeting will be and SHOULD be strictly professional. He shouldn’t take it more than it is. He cares for Sehun, and that’s the truth.

Jongin is surprised by how calm he is dealing with the situation. They exchanged numbers and plan to meet again on Saturday. It’s 2 days away, but Jongin’s already thinking about which shirt he should wear to the dinner.

--

“You’re going on a date??” Jongdae asks while munching his Cheetos puffs.

“Parents meeting,” Jongin said fixing his brown cardigan in front of a mirror, “a parent invited me to dinner to discuss his son’s studies.”

“And you decided to dress up like you’re trying to be his new dad?”

Jongin stills in his place, “What—no, Does it look like that?” he said, eyes wide. He places his hand on his cardigan, ready to change it into something else.

Jongdae chuckles, “Don’t get me wrong, you look nice. I just didn’t expect you’d go to a formal event looking this… casual. Usually, you’d wear a proper shirt and neat slacks to a formal parent meeting ya know” “uh.. yeah. this one’s a semi-formal thing. Sehun’s dad personally invited me to have dinner with them at their place.”

“Sehun? The quite kid?” Jongin nods.

Jongdae is Jongin’s brother and best friend. Even though they’re 4 years apart, they have a very strong bond together. Growing up, they only have each other and their mum. Their father was a kind man; it was just so unfortunate that Jongin didn’t get to spend a lot of time with him since the old man passed away when he was 10. He had good memories with him, but things weren’t exactly easy after his dad was gone.

Jongin’s mum has to work double jobs to feed the two boys, not to mention providing them with proper education and other supplies. She was absent most of the time, but not careless. Since she was busy putting food on their table, Jongdae becomes his moral support. After graduating from uni, Jongdae starts financially supporting the family including helping out on Jongin’s school fund. And after Jongin lands on a job, he has done his fair share by started paying the

electricity bills for their home as his ‘token of appreciation’. (His mom snickers every time Jongin says that “paying for rent” makes more sense, she said).

Jongin is thankful to have his mother and his brother. He cherishes his family. That’s why he wishes they will still be there when the universe gives him a chance to become a father.

“By the way, mom asks for you; said you should clear your schedule and come with her in two weeks to Mrs. Byun’s Birthday Dinner.” Jongdae said with a mischievous smile. Jongin groans.

“Will you be there?” Jongin asks with a hopeful tone.

“Jinyoung and I are going to check on flower arrangements, I already told mum I can’t. So suck it up and deal with it” Jongdae scoffs.

“This is so unfair! Hyung, you know how boring those events are!”

“Maybe if you have a date to go with it wouldn’t be so painful,” Jongdae said with a scoff.

Well, he got a point. It’s safe to say that Jongin hasn’t been lucky in the love department. Most of the guys he dated said that he is ‘too serious’ and ‘too mature’ for his age. When really, it’s just them being douchebags. Jongin prefers not to fool around and take his time. He prefers a healthy relationship with someone who is mentally mature, and who is not afraid of commitment. He’s 26 and looking for serious relationships when most of the guys his age is looking for fun. So.. it has not been an easy journey.

“Anyways, go complaint to mom. I have a wedding to prepare, Little Bro” Jongdae said bringing his thoughts back to the mentioned event.

Jongin pouts. The Byuns are a wealthy family who often helps out unfortunate families or small communities. They’re nice people. Even though they have different social-economic status, Mrs. Byun and Jongin’s mum has been friends for so long. The Byuns even helped Jongin’s family when they were struggling after the passing of his dad.

Like any other rich people’s event, Mrs. Byun would set up any type of party in their huge backyard (Graduations, anniversaries, Dog’s birthdays-- Rich people will find any reason to throw a party just because they can). At the end of the night, they would mostly talk about business deals. It’s not that Jongin dislikes The Byuns, what Jongin hates the most about their events is Mrs. Byun’s annoying guests who often unnecessarily brags about their fortune during a conversation.

“At least there’s gonna be Baekhyun, you can just go sit with him and ignore the others” “You know damn well that’s what's gonna happen.”

He looks at the clock and sighs; he has to complain to his mom later. He walks out and left home.

-Jongin checks his phone screen one more time as he stood in one of the apartment doors. He fixes his brown cardigan and straightens his pants when he’s sure that he arrived at the right place. He’s not underdressed… isn’t he? Usually, he’d wear a button-up shirt and proper slacks to parent meetings but considering Kyungsoo invited him to their house, Jongin thought he’d wear something more casual.

He moves the grocery bag and the papers he’s holding to his left and presses the bell button. He’s not sure why he’s nervous. He’s not a shy person per se but he feels a bit jittery right now, is he excited?

“A minute!” a deep voice calls out from inside. Jongin straightens his posture, he takes a deep breath, and when the door swings open he forgot how to exhale.

Sehun’s dad is wearing the most comfortable looking blue sweater, hair gelled up exposing his forehead. He looks like a different person, and if the specs weren’t there, Jongin is sure the man’s look could pass as an actor.

“Ah Mr.Kim, Good afternoon!” Kyungsoo greets him with a warm smile.

Jongin steps inside and picked up the plastic bag in his hand “I didn’t want to be a rude guest, so I brought some fruits..?” Jongin said with a chuckle.

“Oh wow, you really didn’t have to.. but thank you. Please, make yourself at home” The room is simple, a medium-sized apartment that looks modest. Everything is organized yet still looks cozy. The walls were beige and the furniture was mostly brown and white. It seems like Kyungsoo’s family is not wealthy, but they have enough to live comfortably. The kitchen and dining table are on the right side, and the left side guides you to the living room.

There’s a couple of Sehun’s baby pictures displayed on the side tables, but Jongin notices the lack of family pictures. Jongin walks to sit on the threeseat sofa when he heard Kyungsoo called for him from the kitchen area.

“Would you like some tea or coffee?”

“Oh, water would be fine, Sir,” Jongin replies politely. He sits down, and Kyungsoo is back offering him a glass of water.

“Sehunnie’s in his room, he has been stressing about what shirt he should wear since he knows you would be visiting today.” Kyungsoo sat down, scratching the back of his head.

“Ah.. Now I feel like an important person..” Jongin replies with a soft laugh Kyungsoo nods, eyes not meeting Jongin, “Well you kinda are, since you’re the first guest he has ever invited to our home,” he said while smiling softly.

“Sehun said that you’re a very kind teacher, and you never got mad at him even when he won’t sing his ABCs. He always talks about you, you know” Jongin was speechless, the word warms his heart.

“Mr. Kim!! You’re here!” Sehunnie came out of his room wearing a baby blue button-up shirt, looking adorable. Jongin has never seen him smile this big.

“Hey champ! Whoa, I like your outfit! Did you pick it out by yourself?”

Jongin said, and Sehun nods enthusiastically. Looking proud and happy because of the compliment.

“Daddy bought it for me when I turned 4!” Sehun said while showing 3 small fingers in front of his face. Kyungsoo and Jongin laugh, then the teacher carefully picks one of Sehun’s bent finger, to make it 4. “There we go..” and the pre-schooler laughs, and goes to his dad.

Sehun hugs his dad and hides his face on the older’s neck.

“..You look nice too, Mr. Kim. He does right, daddy?” the kid mumbles shyly.

Kyungsoo’s face turned red, he clears his throat before he answers “OOf course.”

Jongin tries to hide his smile, “Why, thank you Sehunnie!” he answers with a smile.

“So, I supposed you’ve been a teacher for a while now?” Kyungsoo asks, trying to change the topic.

“Well yes, I’ve been teaching for 4 years now. Right after I graduated uni, I applied for Sunflower Pre-school and have been staying since. You’ve mentioned you worked as a chef?”

“Yes, I work as a Station Chef in Zhang Hotel. Have been doing it for 4 years now. Because of the hotel policy, I can only drop Sehun to school in the morning and spend time with him during the weekends. Hence.. my absence in school activities.”

Jongin nods. So it’s only the two of them in this house. They talked some more about their backgrounds, and Jongin was in shock when he learns that Kyungsoo was only 1 year older than him.

“Why are you surprised? Do I look older than 27?” Kyungsoo eyes widen in surprise “Oh no, Mr. Doh! I just thought that..” “I’m too young to be a dad of a 5year- old?”

Jongin takes a deep breath before he nods, he apologizes afterward.

“No need to apologize. I am indeed, a little bit too young to be a father.

And Jongin, we’re basically the same age. Please, call me Kyungsoo.”

Jongin smiles and nods. They talk more freely and comfortably after that.

After a while, an alarm went off from the kitchen and Kyungsoo immediately stands up.

“Ah, dinner’s ready. Sehunnie, would you please bring our guest to the dining table?” Sehun nods enthusiastically and politely asks for Jongin’s hand.

Jongin lets himself being pulled from the couch. As Kyungsoo prepares for the food, little Sehun brings him a plate and a set of cutlery and chopstick.

The kid looks like he’s is used to do things by himself.

Jongin is sure that he must’ve been so nice lately that the heavens have granted him the blessing that is Kyungsoo’s cooking. The chef has made several Korean simple dishes that Jongin sure coming out of a 5-Star-Michelin restaurant (not that he’s ever been into one). Not only it looks amazing, but everything also smells and tastes amazing! Jongin tries not to eat like he’s been starving for weeks, but it’s seriously so good that he’s not even shy to grab more once his plate is clean.

He closes his eyes as he chews. He’s in heaven.

Once he opens it though, he sees Kyungsoo and Sehun staring at him with an amused smile.

“I’m sorry, it’s amazing!” Jongin chuckles, feeling a little bit embarrassed.

Kyungsoo’s cheeks turned pink before he says “No, please, eat more. I’m happy when people genuinely enjoy my cooking” “You really should open your own restaurant someday! I’ve never imagined Doenjang Jjigae can taste this heavenly! Not to mention this Kimchi Fried Rice!” Jongin said as he scoops another rice and brings in into his mouth.

“That’s the big dream, actually.. Hopefully, I’ll get there someday.”

Kyungsoo said softly “Mr. Kim, you should try this one too.. I helped daddy to make it!” Sehun said bringing a slice of Korean veggie pancake with his chopstick, offering it to Jongin’s plate.

Jongin eats it immediately and he closes his eyes before he dramatically claps his hand.

“Whoa.. Sehunnie.. Are you a chef as well? This tastes incredible!”

Kyungsoo chuckles and the little boy laughs. Jongin signals him a high five and they continue to eat happily.

He insists on helping Kyungsoo cleaning up the table, even after the older told him not to. Kyungsoo puts the dirty plates on the dishwasher, while Jongin brings the left-overs to the kitchen table.

Everything feels so domestic. Not that Jongin is complaining. It’s just funny how he has always wanted to have a little family in a warm cozy home, and right now he kind of living a slice of it in his favorite student’s house. Jongin shakes at the thought, this is a parent’s meeting. He needs to stay professional.

They move to the couch, and Jongin pulls out the reports.

“Sehunnie, why don’t you get your Legos, so you can play here while Mr. Kim and I talk?” Kyungsoo said, and Sehun left. When the little boy is out of sight, Jongin takes the chance to start the conversation.

“Sehun is a very polite young man. He’s good at doing challenging tasks and has a good understanding of basic rules and manners. Though I must say he is

very quiet compared to the other kids in class. He’s so shy to the extent, of refusing to communicate to the others when he knows he needs something,” Jongin explains the crayon incident with Chanyeol, and when he was crying by himself when some kids are being mean, refusing to tell other teachers about what happened.

Sehun came back into the room with his toys in hands, Jongin smiled at him. The little boy plays in a far corner of the room. Jongin lowers his voice as he continues to explain to Kyungsoo about his concern, “I would like to inform you, that though this behavior might look harmless now, it can evolve into something more serious later on in his life. He might not be able to stand up for himself or articulate clearly what he feels. If you don’t mind me asking, Kyungsoo, has there been an instance that leads to this behavior?

Kyungsoo turns his gaze to his little boy. He takes a deep breath and sighs.

“His mum and I separated two years ago. I wasn’t the best dad and she wasn’t the nicest mother to Sehun. She-“ Kyungsoo hesitates to continue, Jongin notices this but told the other to take his time.

“She wasn’t the same person I thought I married after we had Sehun. There was a time when he was really scared of his birth-mother, and when I finally realized why, I took the chance to bring him with me. Long story short, we fought for Sehun’s custody and I won. I’m so thankful I did,” Kyungsoo sighs before he continues “But I guess, in the process, I failed to provide enough security and love for him. Since then, I work hard to make sure Sehun can live at ease and with peace.”

Jongin’s heart feels heavy. The explanation was vague. But Jongin respects it and try not to push it. By seeing how comfortable Sehun is with Kyungsoo, Jongin concludes that the boy is in the right hand. He is just in a challenging transition phase right now.

“Thank you for sharing your story, Kyungsoo. I hope that you and Sehun can live a happy life together,” Jongin smiles warmly, “ I will try my best to support him in his studies and sharpen his social skills. While we’re doing that, I suggest

for you to exercise on bonding and sharing with him at home. Maybe talk to him more, ask him about how his opinions and feelings about things, so he can learn to articulate his thought better.” He said. Kyungsoo nods.

They talked more about school for a while, then Sehun comes to Jongin with a finished Lego set in his hand. The teacher was impressed by how quick Sehun can set up Legos, and Kyungsoo mentioned that the kid is also quick at doing puzzles. Jongin takes note of that. Looking at his wrist-watch, the teacher decided that it’s time to go home. And as expected, he gets a pout from his cute little student.

“Mr. Kim, are you sure you wanna go home? You can stay and we can watch Pororo together” the kid says, hands fumbling with the hem of his shirt.

Jongin didn’t miss the way Kyungsoo eyes widen at the request. Before the dad opens his mouth to speak, Jongin beats him to it “Well, I can’t Sehunnie.. Because my family is waiting for me to come home, and they will be worried if I don’t. Maybe you can watch it with your dad and tell me about it on Monday?” Jongin squeezes the kid’s shoulder, telling him sorry. The boy nods with a pout.

Jongin crouches down, so he can speak to Sehun at eye level, “Thank you for inviting me to your house, Sehunnie.. Oh and thank you for cooking for me!

My tummy is now full and I feel happy!” Jongin playfully rubs his stomach, and the boy giggles shyly.

Jongin stands tall on his two feet then he tilts his head down to look at Kyungsoo. Only then he realizes their height difference, how small and cute Sehun’s dad is. Jongin’s word got stuck in his throat, so they stood there for a couple of silent seconds and just stare at each other.

“Th-thank you for the dinner, Kyungsoo. It was really good. I appreciate it.” he said sincerely. And Jongin thought that he’s hallucinating because there is no way that a simple compliment can make Kyungsoo blush like right now.

The shorter guy fixes his specs awkwardly and nods. Jongin steps outside the apartment and he can hear a soft “See you soon, Jongin” before the door closes.

Jongin goes home with a foolish smile on his face. That night, before he sleeps, he thinks about a certain cute dad with glasses.

-Since the dinner at the Doh’s, Jongin would send Kyungsoo updates about Sehun’s activity during classes. And after hours, Kyungsoo would send Jongin questions regarding how to improve the communication quality with his son.

They continue to text casually and sometimes joke now and then. Jongin felt like a highschooler whenever he received a notification.

A week has passed after dinner at the Doh’s. and an eventful weekend, Jongin excitedly goes back to work on Monday. He settles his bag on his desk and starts arranging the empty classroom. He arrives early today because he needs to prepare the room for several games. Because most of the game and class today will involve movements, Jongin thought it would be best to move the small desks to the corners and have a big safe space in the middle. Jongin smiles to himself. His students will have so much fun today.

A soft knock on the door catches Jongin’s attention. “Good Morning Mr.Kim!” greets little Sehun.

“Good Morning Jongin..” a deeper voice follows. Kyungsoo is here.

Jongin tries to stay cool, “Hey, good morning!” he greets back with a smile that is too wide.

Sehun bounces to him excitedly and proceeds to telling his story, “Daddy and I went to see a movie on the weekends! We also went to buy ice cream on Sunday and I got the strawberry flavor and daddy get the one that tasted like toothpaste- “ “Chocolate-Mint..” Kyungsoo cuts in between with a smile “-and it tastes weird but daddy eats it all anyway, I also finished mine because I’m a big boy already. Then when we got home Daddy and I finish another Lego

set and we went to sleep after that,” Sehun gulps in some air, “how was your Sunday Mr. Kim?” he finishes.

Both Kyungsoo and Jongin stood there in mild shock. That’s the longest speech Sehun has ever said to them. The said kid is still on the balls on his feet, excited to listen to Jongin’s answer. He crouches to the ground to meet Sehun’s eyes.

“Definitely not as fun as yours,” he jokingly pouts and pretends to sobs, that brings a laugh out of Sehun. “But I did spend the evening with my older brother, we watch TV and ordered a pizza!” Jongin said truthfully.

Sehun went to the moved desk to put down his stuff and Jongin’s eyes flit to Kyungsoo who’s staring back at him. The teacher approaches the dad.

“What.. What just happened?” Kyungsoo said in amusement.

“Sounds like he had so much fun with his dad this weekend” Jongin grins.

Kyungsoo shyly ducks his head, “We did.. I tried to do what you suggested.” “and it looks like it’s working. Good Job, Mr. Doh” Jongin replies.

Kyungsoo scoffs and is face turns slightly pink. Jongin holds the urge to pinch the other’s cheek. That would be very inappropriate.

Thankfully, before Jongin does anything stupid, the elder speaks out again “Well, I got to keep going. My work starts in half an hour. It’s nice seeing you again, Jongin.”

The teacher nods. The father bids his goodbye to his son and Jongin.

Other students and teachers start to come in after a couple of minutes, and when the clock strikes 8, the class starts. Everything went well, and all the kids enjoyed playing games during the early periods. Though, Sehun is still a bit hesitant to participate in group games, Jongin glad it still brings a smile from the little boy’s face. They had a recess, and the kids eat their lunches like there’s no tomorrow.

The class continues with a little bit of math and for the last period, they get to play animal charades. Basically, they will take turns to act out an assigned word and the others would guess what type of animal it is. The only rule is, the person who’s acting on the front shouldn’t speak a word. They can make animal noises, but no hints should be given to the audience.

The game starts and Jongin’s teaching partner acts out like a gorilla, the class throws out “Monkey!” as an answer. Close enough, they move on to the next player. Jongin acts out an elephant. He puts his hand forward near his nose like a trunk and stomps as he walks imitating how big the animal is. The students laugh and yell “Elephant!”. After that, the students then take turns to act out an animal that was whispered by the previous player.

Chanyeol act out a giraffe with a long neck, the students were confused at first but they start clapping and laughing when they got the answer. Chanyeol then whispered Yixing to act out as a sheep. It was easy for the class to identify the animal since Yixing makes a sheep noise. Another student was told to represent a snake, that brings out laughter in the class because the only clue the kid gives is by wriggling in his place, they point at him and yells out “snake!”

Sehun was the last one to play. He was giggling when he goes upfront, he’s visibly excited. But after the previous player whispers his assigned animal, Sehun smile drops. Jongin can sense something is wrong, but he waits until Sehun shows more signs of discomfort.

The little boy stood there looking scared. Maybe he’s nervous?

Sehun takes a deep breath and starts snorting. He put two hands in front of his body, and continue to snorts. The other kids start to laugh, but Sehun didn’t even giggle. Jongin was about to step to the front when the kids start to yell “You’re a PIG!” pointing their fingers at Sehun.

Sehun flinches and immediately crouches down, closing his ears with his hands. He starts crying and the laughter dies down. The kids start to curiously look at Sehun, the ones on the back pushing people in front of them just to see.

Jongin’s broad body shields Sehun from the kids’ view, as the other teacher thank and dismiss the class.

Jongin scoops the boy up and brings him to a quiet place. Sehun was shaking, hands still covering his ears. Jongin holds him close, bringing his palm to caress the small boy’s back. Jongin’s not sure what is happening right now, but he knows that this is unusual.

“You’re okay.. It’s alright... It was just a game, I’m here Sehunnie..” he constantly said.

“I-I’m not a pig... I’m not a pig..” Sehun said shakily.

“Yes, you are not a pig. It was a game and the people were only guessing an animal.. Sehunnie, breath with me..” Jongin inhales deeply and waits for the boy to follow him, they exhale together. They did it several times until Sehun relaxes. The boy still grips on the teacher’s shirt tightly.

“Do you feel better?” Jongin asks, and the small boy nods. They sit there for a little while as Jongin constantly remind him that he was doing good and that he’s in a safe place.

The boy refuses to let go when Jongin brings him back to the class. It’s mostly empty since the school’s over. Even when Yeri arrived, Sehun still has his head buried in the crook of Jongin’s shoulder, hands wrap tightly to his teacher’s neck. Jongin is so worried for Sehun, he didn’t have the heart to let the boy go. He decided to grab his stuff, went to the bus, and go with Yeri and Sehun.

When they arrived at Kyungsoo’s apartment, Yeri taps in the code on the door. Sehun was sleeping in Jongin’s arms. The teacher laid the sleeping boy on the bed as Yeri reheated Sehun’s food from the fridge. Not long after that, Yeri excuses herself to leave because she still has errands to do. Jongin was thoroughly confused.

“So you’re not staying with Sehun until Kyungsoo’s home??” Jongin asks.

“Well.. No. I was paid to walk him home safely, not to babysit him. I’m still in college you know” the girl nonchalantly answers.

“Has it always been like this? Him, home alone?”

“Yeah from 2-7. I usually stay a little bit longer on Wednesday and Thursday.

Don’t worry, The kid is super independent. You’d be surprised by how well he can take care of himself.” Yeri casually said before she grabs on her stuff.

Jongin was baffled.

He can’t lie, he feels kind of angry towards Kyungsoo right now. Why would he leave his son home alone for 5 hours?

“You don’t have to stay. He prefers to be left alone anyways. After the nap, he eats dinner and entertains himself before his dad is back. Just make sure to close the door before you leave.” Yeri gives him an awkward smile and left.

11 Jongin has heard a lot of cases where the kids are being left alone at home, but now that it’s happening right in front of his eyes, it scares him. He doesn’t want to leave Sehun alone, not after what happened today at school. He sends a text to his mother, saying he can’t make it to dinner.

Right after the message was sent, he heard a soft crying from Sehun’s room.

When he goes in to check, the boy was crying while asleep. Jongin thinks that he’s probably having a nightmare Then he heard the kid softly whines “Daddy.. help..”

Jongin sits on the edge of the boy’s bed, hand caressing the sleeping boy’s head soothingly. Whispering words of reassurance, the kid starts to calm down and breathes more steadily.

Jongin steps out to call Kyungsoo, the dad needs to know about this.

-Jongin was sitting on the floor, half-asleep with his head resting on the edge of Sehun’s bed when the door slowly opens. Jongin quickly opens his eyes and

sees Kyungsoo. He checks on his phone, it’s been 40 minutes since he notifies the elder about Sehun’s panic attack. Kyungsoo must’ve been rushing home.

His white shirt is disheveled and his eyes are filled with worry.

Jongin puts a finger in front of his lips as he rises from his position. He walks out of the room and sits on the couch. Kyungsoo quickly grabs 2 glasses of water and place it on the coffee table. He sits next to Jongin, guilt written on his face. The older man stayed silent, anticipating Jongin’s next word. After taking a deep breath, Jongin proceeds to tell him the full story. From what happened in class and what happened after.

“What are you hiding, Kyungsoo? Has this happened before? Do you know understand how dangerous it is to leave him alone at that state?” Jongin voice is stern, laced with worry.

Kyungsoo closes his eyes after Jongin finishes speaking, letting go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Did.. Did he hurt any of the kids?” Kyungsoo asks, and Jongin got confused. “…No. Kyungsoo, can you please tell me why are you not surprised?”

Jongin asks boldly, he feels a little bit pissed right now.

Kyungsoo took a sip of water and nervously picks on his

shirtsleeves. “Remember when I told you about Sehun’s mother?”

Jongin nods “When me and her started dating, we were just having fun and didn’t really think far about the future. So when Sehun unexpectedly comes into the picture, we were shocked. I was still in the culinary program and she was still in college” Kyungsoo explained.

“Her family was well-off but mine was not. So her family kicked her out of the house, and my family was kind enough to lend us some money to get married and try to live on our own. But no one was really there for us to reach.. They were ashamed and we were left alone.” Jongin still listens to Kyungsoo attentively.

“During the whole pregnancy, she complained a lot about how I ruined her life.

How much she regretted dating me. How miserable her life is now that she lost everything—I know how tough it was for her, so I tried to show her that I’m working hard to provide for our family. And when I started working and gaining money, she started to calm down.. so I thought everything was getting better..”

Kyungsoo hands start to shake, he grabs the water before he continues drinking.

“After Sehun’s birth, I got double jobs and started to work even harder. I didn’t really get the time to play with my son unless he’s still up during midnights or late weekends. But most of the time, Sehun was either crying or throwing tantrums. Every time I come home, his mother would yell at me for literally anything.” Kyungsoo sighs.

“After his 2nd birthday, we were financially getting better. We can afford a weekly caretaker, and I get to spend weekends with Sehun. Only by then, I started to notice things.. His mother would leave him unattended in the bathtub for minutes, not giving him meals unless I ask her about it, what shocks me the most was when I heard her curse at Sehun for crying. And not surprisingly, when Sehun learns how to walk, he started to bite and slap people when he’s angry.” Hearing this, Jongin heart starts to feel heavy.

“Not long after that, I start to see bruises and wounds on Sehun’s body. When I ask the caretaker about it, she admits that his mom has been slapping and hurting him for quite some time. Holding back Sehun’s meals and calling him a pig for eating too much and wasting her money. She would also sometime leaves to god knows where during the day, leaving Sehun and the caretaker alone. She threatened the helper too, asked her to swore to keep her mouth shut.” Jongin breath hitches.

“I filed a divorce. Won over the custody, and tried to raise Sehun on my own. I have to constantly remind him that he’s not an animal, constantly reassure him that I’m not going to hurt him, keep on reminding him that he’s safe with me. I start to teach him how to take care of himself as well because we couldn’t really trust anyone at that point.” Kyungsoo continues.

“and the tantrums..?” Jongin asks carefully, hoping he didn’t cross any lines.

“The panic attacks and the nightmares lessen when he turns 4, but I still have to teach him not to hurt others whenever he’s upset. We had to constantly change caretakers because of that.. and Yeri has been the only one who sticks long enough, Sehun trusts her.” Jongin nods understandably.

Kyungsoo finishes the glass of water. Trying to calm himself. He sighs as he covers his face with his palms. He’s still shaking. Poor Kyungsoo, he must be so overwhelmed right now. Jongin wanted to comfort him, but he doesn’t want to invade the other’s personal space. So he puts his palm on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Rubbing it slowly. And Kyungsoo starts to relax.

“I’m—I’m really sorry that you have to hear all of this. This is so embarrassing, I never told anyone about this and I— Jongin, I apologize that you have to go through all these troubles today, you must be--” Kyungsoo starts to panic again. Jongin shakes his head in the middle of Kyungsoo’s rumbling and holds both of the man’s shoulders with his palms.

“No, It’s okay Kyungsoo.. It’s okay.. I’m sorry that I pressed on you to hard.

I didn’t—” Jongin pauses because of guilt. Kyungsoo eyes are teary and his lips start to wobble. This family has gone through a lot, and it was ignorant for Jongin to point finger at Kyungsoo for being a bad parent.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo..” he said before Kyungsoo finally breaks down into tears, silently sobbing into his palms.

“I—I thought I did well.. I thought I made him forget about the past..”

Kyungsoo’s whole body was shivering. Jongin throws all cautions out of the window and pulls the man into a tight hug.

“You did well.. You’ve worked hard.. You did your best..” he constantly said as the small man in his arms continues to cry. Jongin rubs Kyungsoo’s back, trying to calm him down.

“Sehunnie is lucky to have you as his dad.. You took him out of a dangerous situation and still manage to raise him into a healthy kid. You did your best,

Kyungsoo.. You really did..” Kyungsoo started to relax in his arm. Jongin wouldn’t lie, holding Kyungsoo feels so right. He wants to keep the other safe and warm.

He pulls Kyungsoo to face him, he takes the tissue from the table and bravely wipes the rolling tears from Kyungsoo’s face.

“You taught him how to survive and how to love. Though the journey hasn’t ended yet, you’re already on a good start.” Jongin said with a warm smile.

“Daddy..?” Sehun calls from the hallway, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

Kyungsoo immediately dries his tears.

“Hey bud.. did you sleep well?” Kyungsoo asks with a crooked voice.

“Daddy.. Why are you crying? Why is Mr. Kim still here?” Sehun asks with a worried tone, “Am I in trouble?”

“Oh, no.. not at all.. Daddy was just upset because it was a tough day at work. You don’t need to worry about me. Mr. Kim here has cheered me up..”

Kyungsoo said with a tired smile, Sehun looked at Jongin, as if asking him if it was true. Jongin nods. Sehun didn’t look anywhere near convinced.

The little boy runs to the kitchen and comes back with a plate and a set of cutlery. He runs back and grabs his lunch that has turned cold, carefully bringing it to the coffee table. Kyungsoo sits there confused but amused.

Sehun took both of the teacher's and his dad’s glass and fill it in the dispenser, bringing it back extra carefully trying not to spill it.

“Daddy said, if you feel upset and grumpy, go eat a meal and you will feel better..” Sehun messily scoops the food to Kyungsoo’s plate, “Happy tummy, happy me?” Sehun said as he flops next to Kyungsoo, offering the food to his dad. Jongin heart melts at the sight.

“Thank you, Hunnie..” Kyungsoo said softly as he put a kiss on the crown of Sehun’s head.

“Whoa, Our Sehun is the best!” Jongin said with two thumbs up, Sehun giggles. Kyungsoo starts to eat while feeding Sehun in between bites.

“Daddy, Mr. Kim needs to be happy too!” Sehun exclaims. Kyungsoo smiles at his son and scoops some food to feed it to Jongin. The teacher's ears turn pink but he opens his mouth to receive the food.

Jongin is amazed by Kyungsoo. This warm person who looks composed even during his toughest time. This kind of person who always tries his best to make his loved ones feel comfortable. This amazing guy who puts his son first before himself. Jongin can’t help but imagine how happy his life would be to have a lovely son like Sehun, and a self-less partner like Kyungsoo.

Jongin knows that he’s falling for the cute dad. But he needs to remind himself that to Kyungsoo, he’s just a teacher. Jongin thinks, he better enjoys this moment while it lasts. They continue to eat and talk happily that afternoon.

The sky was getting darker, so Jongin decided it’s his time to leave. He offers Kyungsoo his help to keep Sehun’s company on the days when Yeri is not available to stay after school. Kyungsoo eyes got so wide, telling Jongin he didn’t have to do it. But Jongin insisted, he wants to help Sehun gets better too. Kyungsoo thanked him like he just saved the world from ending. Feeling giddy, Jongin went home smiling.

That night, Jongin, Kyungsoo, and little Sehun sleep with a lighter heart.

-“Mom, I’m leaving,” Jongin said as he packs his lunch in his working bag.

His mother walks to him and brings him his water bottle.

“Don’t forget to go look for Mrs. Byun’s birthday gift after work.

Remember, the party is this weekend” his mother said while fixing the collar of his shirt.

Right. Jongin forgot about that.

“Uh.. Mom.. Can I not go? I uh.. have a parent meeting on Saturday..”

Jongin nervously said.

“I’ve raised you long enough to know that you are a bad liar, Jongin. Saturday at Mrs. Byun’s. 7 pm. Now, go to work.” His mom said with a chuckle, Jongin rubs at the back of his neck. That’s an embarrassing failed attempt.

He took the bus and go. Guess his Slow-Wednesday plan is now gone.

The class learns about vegetables today, and Jongin can’t believe today’s lesson could be so entertaining. Seeing the face of his students turned into confusion when they learn that “egg-plant” exists, and it didn’t come from a chicken. It was equally hilarious when they tried to pronounce “cauliflower” with a clear articulation.

The day ended smoothly, parents arriving one by one and kids getting picked up. Soon enough the class is almost empty. Since It’s Wednesday, Sehun was supposed to be accompanied by Yeri. So Jongin can go to the mall to look for Mrs. Byun’s birthday gift.

He looks to the corner of the room and he sees the said kid playing blocks, with Chanyeol. After their little “fight” a couple of weeks back, Chanyeol has been trying to make up to Sehun by talking to him in a friendlier manner.

Sehun was hesitant at first, but seeing them now sharing toys, Jongin thinks that the boy has probably warmed up to the taller one.

When Chanyeol’s mum arrived, Chanyeol stood and wave at Sehun before he leaves Sehun alone. The tiny boy waves back with a smile. Jongin is so proud to see it. Progress, Jongin thinks.

He was cleaning the vegetable magnets on his desk when he hears a knock on the door.

“Hey.” Kyungsoo greets with a smile.

“Oh hey! Yeri can’t make it again?” Jongin asks politely, he tries not to smile too wide.

“No, I switched days-offs because I have work coming up on the weekends. So I decided to spend the whole day with Sehun..” Kyungsoo explained, walking into the classroom, and Sehun’s tiny steps can be heard approaching closer.

“Daddy, we learned about clawfloss today!” Sehun said excitedly “Claw-flows?” Kyungsoo confusedly asks, “Cauliflowers.” Jongin said as he raised the vegetable magnet and show it to Kyungsoo. The chef laughs beautifully. Jongin’s getting weak on the knees.

“So you learned about vegetables today?” He verifies to Sehun, and the boy answers enthusiastically, “and the vitamins and the goods stuff that comes with it!”

“Great! Now I don’t have to force you to eat them because you know how good it is for you, right?” Kyungsoo teases Sehun and the boy pouts “Right..” he said softly, looking defeated.

Jongin giggles at the situation. He looks at his wrist and realizes that he needs to go now to catch a bus.

“It’s good to see you again, Kyungsoo. Now, I have to go catch a bus— “ “Oh you’re going home?” the chef asks.

“I’m going to the mall, I have to look for a gift for someone so…”

Jongin gathers his stuff “Um.. Sehun and I were going for lunch as well. We can drive you there?” Kyungsoo offers calmly.

“Oh no, thank you. I don’t want to be a burden” Jongin was elated by the kind gesture but he doesn’t want to bother Kyungsoo and Sehun’s day.

“Please, Jongin. It’s the least I can do.” Kyungsoo said with pleading eyes. Jongin nods and chuckles, “Okay..”

Sehun cheers and Kyungsoo cheeks smushed up into a wide smile.

-Jongin wants to scream and thank the universe for giving him the chance to be with Kyungsoo and Sehun like right now.

Jongin’s sitting on the passenger seat next to Kyungsoo, Sehun’s on the backseat. They’ve been jamming to Pororo’s album for 20 minutes now. The three of them singing along to all the songs word-by-word, without missing a beat. They do the dances too.

It was a very very very domestic situation and Jongin is all for it.

“Pororo kinda looks like daddy” Sehun comments when another song ends. Jongin laughs at the comment.

“Why? Why does it look like me?” Kyungsoo asks while driving, he sounds more amused than offended.

“Pororo can do everything. He’s small and smart. Just like daddy” Sehun claps at his own words, he sounds so proud of Kyungsoo.

Jongin turns his head to look at Kyungsoo. The dad’s ears are turning pink, lips stretch into a smile. But then his smile drops, then he chuckles “Wait, small you said??” Sehun covers his mouth as he giggles.

“Yah, young man. You’re telling me I’m small? Then what are you?”

Kyungsoo said playfully. Sehun laughs and moves to hug Kyungsoo’s from the backseat.

“You are kinda small, Soo..” Jongin said before he clasps his mouth with his palms. Did he.. did he just… give the dad a nickname… and called him small???

Jongin’s ready to jump off the car seat when he sees the dad looks at him in shock and gasps.

“Not you tooo!” Kyungsoo said in disbelief. Then all of them laugh as another Pororo song plays in the background.

-Jongin thought Kyungsoo would ask him to part ways when they arrive at the mall. But the ever-so-polite dad invited him to have lunch first together with them. After filling their tummies with food, they walk around the facility helping Jongin find a good gift for his mother’s friend. They didn’t talk much about it, because most of the time they were laughing at Sehun’s antics. The little boy is so playful when he wants to, which also brings the silly side of Kyungsoo out. They tried on some hats and some handbags on the display and pretends to walk like a model. They tried to put on a ridiculous top hat on Kyungsoo too, “I look like the monopoly guy” he said, bringing laughter out of the other two.

Jongin tries on a long coat and a scarf, then playfully poses like he’s on a photo shoot. Sehun claps and laughs hard, seeing how funny his teacher looks. But Kyungsoo didn’t laugh, his face turns bright red. He blinks fast before he let out a soft “it actually suits you..” then turns his face away shyly.

Jongin chuckles. Adorable.

As they go around the store, Jongin would ask about Sehun’s preferences on things. Telling him he needs Sehun’s help to find a gift for an older aunty. He carefully coaxes the little boy to give his opinions on simple things. What colors should he pick and why, what should Jongin write on the birthday card, when is the best time to give the gift.. and Sehun answers it with such consideration.

What Jongin didn’t know, is that Kyungsoo would stop and stare, looking at the two of them interacting with a warm gaze.

In the end, Jongin settles with the scarf for the gift. In Sehun’s words “It’s pretty and the aunty can stay warm with it”. Fortunately, it’s still in the range of Jongin’s budget. Then, they get ice scream before they head home.

Jongin holds the ice cream and the small shopping bag on his left as he holds on Sehun’s hand with his right. Kyungsoo did the same too, with his right hand

holding the chocolate-mint and his left hand occupied by Sehun. The small boy skipped as they walk back to the car. They call it a day and drive Jongin home.

“Thank you for today, I really had fun.” Jongin said as his eyes go back and forth from Sehun and Kyungsoo.

“No worries, we enjoyed your company” Kyungsoo said sincerely.

“Let’s do this again, Mr. Kim!” Sehun sounded so excited. But the honorific title he mentioned brings Jongin back to reality. He’s still just a teacher. Jongin nods politely and said his goodbye.

Kyungsoo rolled down the window so both of them can wave as they watch Jongin goes inside his house. After closing the door, Jongin hears the car zooms away, and only by then his heart beats faster again. It was a good day.

-Saturday finally comes around and Jongin still tries to convince his mum to go alone. Of course, he didn’t succeed. After a couple of more whines, he gets ready.

It’s a fancy event so Jongin takes the prettiest suit he has in his closet and pair it with his nicest shoe. It’s a simple all-black set with a unique collar, which he only wears on special occasions. He styled his hair nicely and let some part of the bangs falls on his forehead. He knows he’s pretty good looking, it’s just that he doesn’t really like to flaunt it. He’s comfortable in his skin, he’s confident, and he knows there’s nothing more important than being healthy. He has some moments of insecurities, of course. But all these basic thoughts of acceptance are taught by his parents, and he’s grateful for it. He is loved and he is enough.

This level of self-awareness and confidence made him and his mom mingles quite easily at any type of event, including the elite ones The Byuns likes to throw.

Easy doesn’t always mean comfortable, though. Like right now he’s listening to a girl talking about the yacht her dad just purchased for her a couple of weeks back, and how she prefers white over the silver. He just got here for 30 minutes, making the wrong move by chilling near the refreshment booth when a girl approaches him and introduces herself. He must've read Jongin's friendliness as enthusiasm. When in all honesty, he doesn’t have the energy to listen to this stranger’s rambling. He’s pretty much hungry and bored right now. He’s sure this girl approaches him because she got nothing better to do as well. Jongin nods and gives her fake reactions as his eyes roam around the room to look for Baekhyun, the only person he’s friends with within this event. When he finally finds the said guy, he excuses himself and beelines to Baekhyun.

“Happy Birthday to your mom, hyung” Jongin said after he taps the elder in the shoulder.

Baekhyun pulls him in a tight hug “Nini! Thanks, man. I’m glad you’re here, I’d die of boredom if you’re not” the guy said. Jongin chuckles and nods understandingly.

Since the backyard is huge, there was a small stage on the front and several round tables prepared for the guests. Each table has a small kitchen station on the side, probably to make food serving a little easier. The elder guides him to his assigned seat which is mostly occupied by people their age. They have small name tags in front of their plates.

He was seated in the middle of Baekhyun and another guess. Baekhyun on his left, and the stranger on his right. After a brief introduction by his friend, Jongin learns that the man’s name is Kim Junmyeon, he’s 3 years older than him and is the second-cousin of Baekhyun. Baekhyun excuses himself to greet the other guests and leave the two of them alone.

Talking to Junmyeon is nice. He’s very polite and smart. And when Jongin shares about what he does for a living, Junmyeon eyes go wide in disbelief.

Jongin thought the guy will lose interest in talking to him, but then he starts to mention how challenging yet rewarding the profession is. Jongin appreciates how thoughtful Junmyeon is. They talked about their backgrounds and what

keeps them busy lately, and Jongin learned that Junmyeon is planning on getting married to his girlfriend next year. Jongin congratulates him as he politely asks about Junmyeon’s plan without getting too nosy.

Their conversation was paused when Mr. and Mrs. Byun steps onto the front stage, giving their welcoming speech and thanking the guess for coming to the party. They also thank the event organizer and the Zhang Hotel for providing them with amazing chefs and cuisines. Jongin head ticks at that.

Why does the hotel name sound familiar?

The lovely old couple told the guests to enjoy themselves today. Baekhyun comes back to their table and sits next to Jongin. Not long after that, he sees around twenty chef dresses in black, walks in the garden, and dispersed to their respective stations. Jongin’s heart drops to his stomach when he sees a familiar man in glasses walks to his table’s station, along with 2 other chefs.

This can’t be happening. Kyungsoo is here.

Jongin was trying to focus back on his conversation with Junmyeon, stealing glances at the clueless chef. He’s so excited to greet Kyungsoo, though he doesn’t know if it is okay to talk to him when he’s technically working. It’s good to see this side of the elder, though. So focused and thorough while preparing the ingredients.

They were talking about their childhood and Junmyeon shares an embarrassing story of his first meeting with Baekhyun. They were laughing out loud and Junmyeon was holding on Jongin’s shoulder in a friendly manner when suddenly someone clears his throat right in front of their table. Jongin eyes go wide when he sees Kyungsoo’s there about to present them their first meal of the night. If Kyungsoo is surprised to see him there, he’s sure good at not showing it.

“I present to you, Spicy Beef-Bites with special Korean sauce for your appetizer,” Kyungsoo said plainly, presenting the food with his partner and serving it to their table.

“Kyungsoo..” Jongin said softly, didn’t expect the elder to hear it but he did. Their eyes meet briefly before Kyungsoo’s eyes flit down to their name tags.

Checking on both his name and Junmyeon’s. Then his eyes moved to Junmyeon’s palm on Jongin’s shoulder

“Enjoy your meal, Mr. Kim” Kyungsoo said with a bitter smile. He nods at Junmyeon as well before he leaves and prepares another course of food.

Jongin sits there stunned. Questioning the formality. Is it because he’s currently working? Are they supposed to ignore each other? Why did he nod at Junmyeon as well— Jongin panics a little. Trying to stay calm and composed during the whole event. He knows Kyungsoo was stealing glances at him, and for some weird reason, Jongin doesn’t want Kyungsoo to think that he’s not interested in talking to Kyungsoo. Jongin doesn’t want Kyungsoo to misunderstand the situation and dropping the friendship with him.

Why? Really, Jongin doesn’t know why he cares so much about what Kyungsoo thinks. He might be looking too deeply into it. Maybe Kyungsoo was just trying to be professional.. But why didn’t he smile sincerely at Jongin? What’s wrong? Jongin is confused and sad.

After the last meal was presented, Jongin rushes from his seat to talk to Kyungsoo. But the chef’s already left the station. Jongin runs to the parking lot, and he sighs in relief. The chef is still there, moving small crates and kitchen utensils to his trunk. He jogs a little and immediately grabs the nearest item to help Kyungsoo. The latter was surprised to see Jongin and look behind him as if making sure that Jongin came there alone.

“You don’t have to Mr. Kim, it’s okay” Kyungsoo said with no bite.

Jongin sighs.

“Did I do something wrong back then? Or did I make a mistake at our last meeting? Why.. Why are you not calling me by my name?” Jongin knows he might sound a bit whiney right now. That’s one of his weaknesses, he doesn’t know how to properly confront someone when there’s a problem that includes him. He rarely gets involved in a conflict.

Kyungsoo closes his car trunk, finally facing Jongin. He sighs while looking at the backyard entrance.

“I just don’t want to intrude.. your night” he pauses mid-sentence, ducking his head down refusing to look at Jongin’s face.

“What do you mean by that?” Jongin eyebrows scrunch in confusion.

“I apologize for crossing a lot of lines during our encounters, I should’ve known better. I appreciate your kindness, Sir.” Kyungsoo bows as he approaches the driver’s door.

Jongin doesn’t know what comes up to him, but he swiftly moves his body to block Kyungsoo from opening the door. He must’ve looked like a kid right now. Pouting for an answer. Kyungsoo lets out a long sigh, tired eyes staring at Jongin’s.

“It would not be appropriate to call you by your name, and act too friendly in front of your husband, Mr. Kim.” “My what??” Jongin jaws hang loose.

Last time Jongin remembers, he’s hopelessly crushing on someone’s dad rather than living a married life. So what makes Kyungsoo implies that he’s married?

He arrived with his mother, which Kyungsoo didn’t even get to see. He sits down with a bunch of people his age. Surely he wouldn’t think that Baekhyun is his spouse, they were joking like a couple of toddlers. And of course, he wouldn’t think that Junmyeon is his husband, though the elder might touch him platonically every now and then, it’s not like they have their shared last name printed for people to see..

Oh. The name tags.

Is that what makes Kyungsoo anxious the whole night? The chef’s doing his habit again right now, nervously playing with the hem of his uniform. He looks like he’s expecting Jongin to leave him as soon as possible. Jongin didn’t mean to sound cruel, but he howls with laughter once everything clicks. Kyungsoo was shocked by the response.

“I’m not married to anyone, Kyungsoo,” He said wiping little tears from the corner of his eyes “Junmyeon hyung is a friend. He’s engaged to someone..” Jongin continues.

Kyungsoo face slowly turns bright red with embarrassment. He covers it with both of his palms.

“I really wish the world would just swallow me right now,” Kyungsoo said, voice muffled by his hands. The other just laughs wholeheartedly.

When Kyungsoo drops his hands, Jongin can’t help but coo at the cute sight.

Feeling bold, he asks Kyungsoo an important question: “Tell me.. Why does it matter to you if I’m married, Soo?” Kyungsoo stills at the question. Eyes roaming around the empty ground. He lifts his head to face Jongin, and the younger can sense that he somehow just pushes on something inside Kyungsoo.

“What if I told you that I’m interested in you?” Kyungsoo tries so hard to hold eye contact. Jongin shivers. He’s giving another question, yet somehow it answers Jongin’s curiosity.

The teacher plays along. He moves forward and slowly switches his side with Kyungsoo, making the older guy leans his back on the car. Jongin right hand bravely rests on the roof of the car.

“How would you feel if I say, me too?” Jongin smirks and Kyungsoo looks away with a shy smile. He won.

“I guess we need more time to figure out the answers to those questions, right Mr.Kim?” Jongin scoffs, did he just accidentally bring out a flirty Kyungsoo? He sure did.

“Once again, I’m sorry for assuming... I should’ve communicated everything like a normal adult,” Kyungsoo continues, back to his shy self.

“It’s alright, I’m sorry too, you know. I should have to deal with it more maturely..” Jongin cringes when a flash memory of him pouting earlier comes to mind.

Kyungsoo waves his hand, “It’s fine.. Sometimes I just need a little push.”

“Thank you for the food, Kyungsoo. It was impeccable.” Jongin praises the chef.

Kyungsoo bows gratefully. “I better head home, Yeri can only stay with Sehun until 9. I’ll see you soon, Jongin.” The taller smiles brightly. “Text me when you’re home?” he said.

Kyungsoo nods with a huge grin on his face, waving him goodbye before he drove away from the Byun’s parking lot.

Jongin skips on his way back to the party. Going all clingy and giddy to his mother who is now looking at him weirdly. After a half-an-hour, Jongin phone buzzes.

Chef Doh Arrived at home safely. [1 image loading…]

Jongin taps on his feet impatiently as he waits for the picture to load. He holds a squeal when a picture of Sehun sleeping while hugging his Pororo plushie comes up to his screen.

Chef Doh Good night, Jongin. Rest well.

Such a simple text, yet Jongin’s heart bursts like he just won a lottery. That night, Jongin can’t stop hugging and kissing his mom, thanking her for inviting him to the party.

-After the ‘revelation’ at Mrs. Byun’s birthday party, Kyungsoo and Jongin interact more with ease. A few nights later, through a phone call, they clear things up and make sure that they both are on the same page.

Jongin wants to stay professional with his job, he will not play favorites in class and that it’s better for him to not display too much affection in the school facility. He told Kyungsoo that they should take things slow.

Kyungsoo immediately agrees with him, not only because he understands Jongin’s condition, but also he has to work on his and Sehun’s relationship as well. He mentioned to Jongin that Sehun will always be his number one priority. Even though he knows he trusts the kind teacher, he still needs more time to open up a new page with someone.

As Jongin offered before, on some weekdays when Yeri couldn’t stay longer with Sehun, Jongin would walk the boy home and wait until Kyungsoo’s back. And when the Chef brings home some leftovers from the kitchen, they would have dinner together. Taking turns on sharing how their days went.

Sometime during the weekends, Kyungsoo would cook meals for Jongin and delivers it personally with Sehun to Jongin’s home. The kind and simple gestures are enough to make Jongin mom’s eyebrows raised, but Jongin would only shrug whenever he was questioned about it.

After Jongin starts accompanying Sehun intensely, the boy becomes more vocal and expressive about his feelings. He never experiences any panic attacks anymore. He also succeeded in making new friends in class. Jongin feels so proud of the strong little man.

Kyungsoo and Jongin continue getting to know each other for the rest of the year. It’s only after Sehun graduated from kindergarten that they finally start to court each other properly. They started by going to see the movies together with Sehun, having picnics at the park, and going together to the zoo.

Sometimes when they’re lucky, they’d go on actual dates, just the two of them.

Kyungsoo would ring in Yeri and ask her to be with Sehun for a couple of hours. In those precious hours, they’d be stealing kisses and hug each other tightly like cute teenage lovers.

One day, when Jongin was picking Sehun’s up from school, the boy looked like he’s trying to solve a really hard question.

“Hey champ, everything alright?” Jongin asks. The 6-year-old nods, but his face says no.

They got on the bus. Jongin was curious, but he thought it was the best not to push the kid too much. He knows he’d come around.

“Mr. Kim,” Jongin hums in response “what is love?” he asks nonchalantly, and Jongin as taken aback by the question. He takes his time to form an answer.

“Um.. It’s a feeling when you care for someone so much, you wish them to always be happy and healthy.. It’s a special feeling you have, that you share it with your parents, your family or your special friends”

“Oh.. Like daddy to me?” Sehun asks curiously. “Yes, your dad loves you,” Jongin says.

“Do you love me, Mr. Kim?” Sehun asks with hopeful eyes. “Of course, I care for you so much Sehunnie..” He says sincerely, with a wide grin. “Why do you ask anyways?”

“There’s this girl in class who was singing a song.. it goes ‘I wanna know know know know, What Is Love? And then when I ask her, what is love, she said she didn’t know. ” Sehun explains with a pout. Jongin giggles. It’s a pop song from a group that he recognizes.

They stayed in comfortable silence for a while. Jongin grabs his water bottle to take a sip, then Sehun surprises him with another unexpected question : “Do you love my dad, Mr.

Kim?” Jongin almost spits out

his drink.

He swallows hard. Jongin tries to stay composed. He wasn’t really prepared to talk about this to Sehun. But he chooses to answer truthfully, “Yes, I want to make him happy for a long time,” he said. Sehun nods understandingly.

“Would you let me do that, Hunnie? Would you let me take care of your dad?” Jongin gulps nervously.

“Of course. I love both of you.” Sehun simply answered. Jongin felt like melting on the spot.

Later that night, Jongin confesses his love for Kyungsoo and told him about the bus story. The elder hugs him tightly and told him he loves Jongin too.

They decided to make it ‘official’ and tell Sehun about it a couple of days later. The little boy was ecstatic when told that now Mr. Kim can do sleepovers and watch Pororo with him more often. The boy loves spending time with Jongin just as much as he likes spending time with Kyungsoo.

With them being ‘official’, Jongin can finally introduce Kyungsoo and Sehun to his family. Sehun was a little bit scared when he gets to meet Mrs.Kim, but when she offers him a cookie and tell him how amazing the food he was sending on the weekends, they finally start to bond. After a few hours, Sehun called ‘Granny Kim’ a pretty grandma.

Jongdae and Kyungsoo also get along well. Jongdae’s friendly persona helps Kyungsoo getting out of his shell easier. And seeing how comfortable his dad is with Jongdae, Sehun warms up to ‘uncle Jongdae’ quite easily.

To see his family bonding with his two favorite boys feels amazing. He never felt so.. fulfilled. Jongin can’t believe how lucky he is to have Kyungsoo and Sehun in his life. Thanks to them, Jongin learns that love can heal any pain. He understands that it needs courage to acknowledge your wounds and let people treat it for you. Jongin realizes that when you share pain it gets halved and when you share the happiness it doubles. Sharing is caring, indeed.

Jongin can’t wait to share the rest of his life with these two amazing people.

Summer Once Again

Rescuing drowning humans was nothing new to Jongin.

The fall usually panned out in different ways: slipping from the decks of yachts or an erroneous step after leaping from rock to rock; knocked over by giant waves from those colorful, narrow planks called surfboards. Most times, the near drowning happened by accident. Other times, it seemed intentional; murderous in intent. Regardless, Jongin always appeared and saved them on time; always brought them to the safety of the shores, sometimes required to revive them by breathing into their mouths to aid their frail lungs into working once more.

Jongin had saved countless of adults. Men and women, young and old— whenever Jongin found time in his day to lounge on the rocks on early mornings, or admire the breathtaking view of the setting sun and soak up the warmth before it retired for the night, once he heard the telltale sound of a plunge, followed by the distressed calls for help, he would swim to their rescue as fast as he could.

On the day of a harsh thunderstorm, Jongin saved someone as young as him for the first time.

The terrible weather should’ve deterred him from breaking the surface, but Jongin couldn’t ignore the passengers floating about, their cries increasing in volume the closer he approached. Quite a relief to witness they seemed skilled enough to swim and save themselves.

Except for a child whose limbs flailed about, attempting to stay afloat and failing miserably.

Jongin swam to the child’s rescue immediately. He was successful in grabbing the back of his shirt—the first thing Jongin’s fingers touched—and hauled the struggling child up, up, up and onto safer shores with all the strength his tiny body possessed.

Completely doused, the child—a young boy, Jongin now ascertained, after a clearer look—turned to his side, curled in on himself, and started coughing violently. Jongin gave firm pats to his back; soothed him with up and down motions as he coughed and choked and finally spat out the swallowed seawater.

The young boy’s entire form trembled from the cold of the sea and the wet of his clothes.

The torrential rainfall tapered to a drizzle, then nothing. Slowly, the storm clouds parted, sunbeams filtering through them to shed light on everything it could reach. The blue of the sky drove away the gloomy gray. At the same time, the boy’s coughing ceased, and Jongin kept close watch in case he might be seized by another fit. From a far distance, Jongin heard humans shouting, words unintelligible and sounded frantic. Must be the other passengers from the yacht searching for this boy.

The boy pulled himself upright in an unhurried fashion, scrubbing a hand down his face to rid it of the clinging seawater. “I’m alive,” he croaked out, awed, disbelieving. Examined the back of his hands, as if making sure he wasn’t dreaming. Then he lifted his head and noticed Jongin sitting beside him.

Surprise lit his face, then asked, “Was it you who saved me?”

Jongin nodded; willed the corners of his mouth to lift into a smile. He’d been taught, both by the elders around him and firsthand experience, that humans took more kindly to those who smiled than frowned, or showed no expression on their faces.

The boy stared at him for a moment longer, gaze traveling south. His gaze stopped there, the surprise more prominent on his face now. His mouth formed a perfect ‘O’ as his eyes strayed back to Jongin’s face.

“You’re a merboy.” The words were uttered with unveiled fascination, so softly it was almost like the crashing waves had stolen the sound.

Again, Jongin nodded; willed his smile to stay in place. “I am.”

The aftermath of such revelation always served as the bigger test. Surprise was natural, expected—Jongin had been on the receiving end of it a hundred times before. How the humans acted on this surprising fact was constantly unclear; put him on edge, sometimes. He could never predict how the individual he saved would accept the fact a merboy had rescued them from the perilous clutches of the merciless waves.

The boy took a longer look at Jongin’s tail, though his face showed no hints of malice, or revulsion, or any other negative emotion. He looked contemplative in the way he might be trying to reconcile the part human, part fish being sitting in front of him.

Then, the boy’s face split into a smile, turning his guileless face more innocent.

“Thank you for rescuing me,” the boy said, and he sounded nothing but sincere. He listed his head. “I admit, I was expecting a pretty mermaid to rescue me, like what I’ve heard from stories.”

“They fear storms of this magnitude,” Jongin said, remembering belatedly that when he was swimming up to the surface, the mermaids dove underwater for refuge. “They do not like scary things.”

The boy carefully rose to his feet. He looked out into the water, waved his arms about wildly to get the attention of the yacht heading for shore. He turned to Jongin once more. “You should hide before the yacht comes back. I don’t know what my relatives think about merfolk, but I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

Such thoughtfulness coming from a child. An unexpected kindness, but not unwelcome. Seldom did Jongin’s encounters with humankind turned unpleasant, but those handful of experiences taught him an important lesson: not all humans were grateful, and not all of them were keen on the reality of being rescued by a species other than their own.

“Wait,” the boy called out, stopping Jongin from crawling back into the waters.

Jongin threw a glance over his shoulder, nodded at him to continue. The boy seemed to hesitate, at first, but not for long. “Will I see you again?”

This time, it was Jongin who hesitated. “If you want.”

“I do.”

“Then you will.”

☆彡

Jongin did see the boy again, and learned of his name, too.

Dawn had barely broken when Jongin swam to the surface, enjoying this quiet beginning of the day just a little more compared to its other parts. On these quiet hours, barely any humans were out and about; fishing boats scattered far from each other he could count with his fingers. Jongin hauled himself up onto his favorite rock, lost himself to the spectacular view of pale sunlight breaking through an indigo-dyed sky.

Footsteps, careful but hurried, drawing close. Then, someone was sitting an arm’s length away.

The boy he saved, grinning at him. “Hi.” Jongin, after moving past his surprise, grinned back. “Hi.” A soft breeze blew in from the sea, tousling the boy’s dark hair. He looked better, now, clothes crumpled from sleep; faint indents on his cheeks evidence he had recently risen. “I couldn’t sleep anymore, and I saw you from my window.” Jongin followed the direction of where his finger pointed—a big house with equally big glass panes for windows that stood quite the distance on land above the sea.

“How did you know it was me?” Jongin asked, curious. “I just had a feeling it was you,” the young boy said.

“And what if you came down here and discovered it wasn’t me?”

“That’s alright. I’d still try to befriend whoever merperson I find.”

Interest piqued, Jongin turned sideways completely so he could look at the boy better. “Are you not wary of us merfolk?”

To his greater surprise, the boy shook his head without hesitation. “Why should I? Merfolk are like humans: there are good ones and bad ones. You’re part of the good ones.”

Jongin couldn’t help but smile. “How do you know I’m a good merboy? What if I’m just pretending to be nice when, all along, I am plotting something terrible against you?”

The boy shook his head, firmer this time around; reflected in his next reply. “If you were a bad merboy, you wouldn’t have saved me from drowning. And even if you did, you wouldn’t have taken me to shore. You’d have dragged me under, and I wouldn’t be here today. Alive. That’s why I think you’re a good merboy. I’m not changing my mind on this.”

Willfulness of this degree would’ve been off-putting, but Jongin was strangely amused. The humans he rescued in the past never stayed long enough to hold a conversation with him, more focused on escaping further interaction or forgetting to thank him entirely. Those who spotted him by accident either hightailed upon catching sight of his tail, or pretending they never saw him even as they walked past the rock he lounged on. Jongin was more thankful if the latter happened; preferred it by leagues. The former was truthfully hurtful, although he drew comfort from the consolation of these select humans choosing to run away instead of hurling insults or objects at him.

“What’s your name, by the way?” the boy asked, drawing Jongin back to the present. “Do merfolk have names like humans, too?” He blinked twice, then lightly rapped his knuckles on his forehead. “What am I talking about, I must still be sleepy. Of course you would have names, too. Mine’s Sehun.” He smiled, extended his hand for Jongin to take. “From now on, we’re friends.”

☆彡

A whole new world opened before him from the moment Jongin shook Sehun’s hand.

Jongin didn’t hold any expectations when, on the day of their first meeting, Sehun said he’d see him again tomorrow. He wasn’t one to put weight on fleeting meetings; take human words and promises too seriously. He went about the rest of his day doing as he pleased, doing the usual, even before Sehun came into his life.

The following morning, upon the slightest peek of the rising sun, Jongin swam to his favorite rock and just about settled when he saw Sehun already there, hair barely combed and wearing a different set of sleeping clothes from yesterday (pajamas, Sehun informed him, when he asked about it later). A stark contrast to his eyes bright and alert; the stretch of his mouth into an upward curve as he greeted him a good morning.

“I didn’t think I’d see you here, but I had a good feeling today,” Sehun said, answering one of Jongin’s many questions. He still sat an arm’s length away, respecting boundaries. “Do you come here every morning? What do you do?”

“I come to watch the sunrise.”

“Ah.” Sehun nodded slowly. His gaze swept across their surroundings. Jongin mimicked him, though he already knew what to find. Like yesterday, and all other mornings before now, a few fishing boats floating away from each other in separate directions, and fewer humans enjoying the cool breeze along the shoreline before the humidity invaded. “It sort of feels like you own the sea and shore when you sit here at this time, doesn’t it? I hope it’s not because you’re scared of humans.” The inquiry was innocent; the look on his face sad.

“I do not fear humans. But I must say meeting various humans have given me some… unfortunate reactions.”

Human civilization had come a long way from living unaware of merfolk existence to co-existing with them. Majority of humans respected the merfolk and the sea goddess’ other creations to avoid incurring her wrath, though a handful retained a stubborn superiority complex that they needn’t share the land (and the sea, to some extent) with creatures far different from their own kind.

These handful were also susceptible to treating the merfolk as lesser beings.

Some were expectedly wary, and scared, when encountering the merfolk, but did not act upon these emotions. Some ran away when they discovered one they thought human from a far off distance possessed a tail on the lower half of their body if their stares wandered down.

Before a truce was set in place, the merfolk remained a figment of imagination found between storybook pages used to read human children to sleep. Jongin heard about such stories from returning meradults who’d spent years of their lives on land. There had been sightings by sailors out at sea once upon a time, but none had swam into their nets or close to the ships for them to clearly ascertain if what they saw was monster, giant fish, or something else otherworldly.

Then, the merfolk started emerging from the depths of the sea one by one, unable to resist the temptation of exploring the world of land dwellers. No one knew how it started; why they revealed themselves to humans. The common, established belief was that violent storms often destroyed and overturned ships, resulting entire crews to drown. Innocent merfolk who minded their business might have been shocked to discover that creatures with human body parts like theirs possessed two extra appendages from the waist down instead of a tail; that such creatures existed and lived above the sea but could not swim to save themselves.

And so, as time passed by, some of the merfolk harbored an endless fascination with the sea. So much it pushed them to find ways to split their tails—legs, as they were taught by the elders, though often ended in painful results. Tails did not conceal legs no matter how long one plucked at their scales.

Merfolk were not meant to have legs.

Over time, merfolk sightings increased, but the sea goddess desired no harm to fall upon her children. Therefore, she sought a truce with all the rulers of the land. No human shall cause injury of any kind against the merfolk; in exchange, no merfolk should play dangerous tricks on humans out at sea or deprive them of fish necessary for their livelihood. Only then could a peaceful co-existence be established.

The truce was honored to this day. Though no merblood had been shed and no humans had perished from drowning, it would be a lie to claim the harmony and peace strived for by both species did not come with some tension and difficulties.

“They shouldn’t be scared of you,” Sehun said. “Humans and merfolk shouldn’t be scared of each other. I’m sorry you’ve met the mean humans.”

Jongin shook his head. “Do not apologize on their behalf. I do not group humans in one category. Coming here to talk to me is proof of your courage— something not everyone from your kind dares to do, regrettably.”

“I’ve always wanted to meet a merperson,” Sehun told him. The honesty shone in his eyes left no space for doubt. “I’ve only heard stories from relatives of supposed encounters they’ve had with the merfolk. Whenever I asked for more stories, they brushed me off and paid more attention to their card games. Makes me wonder if they were telling the truth or not. Hmph.”

He pursed his lips, frowning slightly.

Jongin couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “I’m here now. I do not have any stories, but I could answer any questions you might have.”

Answering Sehun’s questions led to more meetings, seaming itself into Jongin’s morning routine. Jongin asked some of his own, inserted them in their conversations. Sometimes Jongin wouldn’t catch the answers the first time, distracted by Sehun’s interest for merfolk food; the multiple expressions his face showed when he tasted something sweet, sour, strange, grassy, slimy.

Between Sehun’s munching and commentary, Jongin discovered he was twelve years young—an age they shared, after converting his to human unit of measure.

Sehun lived in the big house he pointed to on their first morning, owned by his grandparents, and he would stay there until summer’s end.

Sehun asked his own questions, and Jongin answered them with the same honesty dispensed to him.

“Do merchildren go to school? Do you go on vacations during summer, too?” (“Yes, we do. What is summer vacation? Ah, is that the period when humans lie idle on the sand for hours until their skin reddens? We do not have that; although, we welcome and play with creatures from other corners of the sea that end up in ours as part of their migration.”)

“Are you taught to speak human languages?” (“Yes. We are taught the most spoken language of the land dwellers closest to our waters. We are taught how to write and read their alphabet, too. Many of my kin are—what do humans call them?—’multi-lingual.’”)

“What do you do for fun?” (“We have swimming contests. We compete by plucking pearls from shells without having our fingers snapped off. If we are feeling bold, we go on adventures to root around for lost treasure in sunken ships and boats.”)

“What would you do if you had legs instead of a tail?” “Dance,” was Jongin’s immediate answer.

Sehun looked surprised. “What kind of dance?”

Jongin took a while to explain what kind, for he knew not its name, if it had one at all. He described what he’d seen around two or three summers past from peeking behind rocks when he was still shy about sitting on top of them.

In his peeping he saw a young man and woman pair, svelte in figure and light on their feet, leaping through the air and landing with grace; twirled and twisted their bodies in the most captivating way Jongin had seen humans do to date.

“Ballet,” Sehun said, after he was done talking.

“Ballet,” Jongin echoed. Repeated a few times, testing the foreign syllables on his tongue. “That is what I wish to do. Ballet.”

“That’s cool,” Sehun said, lack of snide in his tone refreshing—and almost too good to be true.

“You won’t make fun of me for it?”

“Why should I? Some humans dream of having tails to live under the sea.

They get made fun of for that, but I don’t. No one should be made fun of for dreaming.” Sehun’s eyes narrowed a fraction, as if an unpleasant thought came over him. “Do your friends not believe you?”

Jongin shook his head. “My friends have more belief in me. It’s my schoolmates who don’t.”

He wasn’t oblivious about the snickering, the whispers behind his back. He’d told some about the man and woman dancing together; imitated their movements the best he could to show them. They smiled and nodded in front of him; turned around and gossiped about him in code he deciphered easily.

Poor little merboy, dreaming of dancing the dances of humans when he didn’t have legs. Poor, poor little merboy, wanting so badly to belong to the world above and wishing impossible wishes.

“Don’t listen to them,” Sehun said, and he sounded angry on behalf of Jongin. “Merfolk can have legs, right? It’s not impossible.”

“It’s not,” Jongin agreed, nodding. “But there are certain requirements to be met before you can get legs.”

“Like the fairy tale?” Sehun blinked, then gasped, and mild fear crossed his features. He suddenly grabbed Jongin’s shoulders, the fear rapidly morphing to something akin to worry. “I just remembered what the requirement was, and…” He shook his head vigorously, as if banishing whatever scary thoughts came over him. “It’s scary. Won’t it hurt? Can’t the sea witch ask for something else in exchange? Can she not cut off your tongue just to give you legs?”

Jongin blinked, then threw his head back in amused laughter.

“I’m serious!” Sehun insisted, frowning. “Didn’t the fairy tale say the little mermaid traded her tail for legs, and the sea witch took her tongue so she would rely on body language to communicate?”

Jongin laughed harder. Sehun’s frown looked more severe. Calming down, he gently patted one of Sehun’s hands and said, “No, none of that is true. It never happened. That story is a mere fabrication by our ancestors.”

That story was also used to dissuade impressionable merchildren from yearning for the land above, depicting an extreme lesson on staying away from humans and everything involved with them. That not all ventures were going to give good results, and not all gestures of kindness were going to be reciprocated in ways you expected. The story spread far and wide across the sea, though nobody knew for sure how the humans got a hold of it.

Sehun’s frown disappeared, this time curiosity taking its place. “So the books lied to me?” A sound of awe was released. “Wow, I can’t believe this. And to think I found her story sad.”

“It is sad,” Jongin agreed. “A mermaid falling in love with a human prince, but not having her feelings reciprocated or recognized? Refusing to kill her sweet prince and choosing to turn into sea foam in the end? It is a very sad fate.”

“Let’s not talk about sad things anymore,” Sehun said. “This morning is too good to be ruined by a sad fairy tale that I now found out was a lie.”

“It is my turn to ask you a question: what would you do if you had a tail?”

Sehun listed his head in obvious contemplation. “I’d play with the belugas. I think they’re cute and fun to tease. I went to an aquarium before and made faces at them. They did it first! They gave this loud sound when I was just watching them swim quietly. I just retaliated.”

Jongin chuckled at the funny image it painted in his mind.

“But a tail… maybe I should learn how to swim first.” Sehun looked and sounded sheepish in his confession. “Is that possible? Are all merfolk born with the ability to swim, or do they flop around, too? I’m envious. I wish I could swim with two legs, but as you know…” Pink streaked his cheeks.

“Do you want me to teach you how to swim?” Jongin asked.

Sehun lit up. “You will? I asked the adults at home, but they were all too busy with work. I want to learn. I promise I’m a good student. I won’t cause trouble for you, teacher.” He uttered these words so formally, so seriously, and gave Jongin a respectful bow.

Jongin learned bowing was what people did as a sign of respect or when doing greetings in these parts. The action caught him off-guard, and he flustered, waving his hands in front of him. “We’re the same age. There is no need to treat me like I’m older. Lift your head—okay, better. I’ll teach you how to swim.”

“Great!” Sehun beamed, and Jongin was reminded of a bright, sunny day.

“Let’s begin! I will be in your care from now on, teacher.”

“I said don’t call me teacher.” Jongin couldn’t help his lower lip from jutting out. It jutted out some more when Sehun merely laughed; urged him to hurry up as he divested himself of his shirt and cautiously made his way into the water.

Jongin had never taught a human how to swim before. Swimming came naturally to merfolk—a contrast to humans who needed to learn how to use their legs for walking while growing up. Their first few starts were rough.

Jongin kept forgetting Sehun had two legs and not a singular tail. Eventually, Jongin tailored his lessons and tips for Sehun, patiently teaching him to float first; then, using his legs and arms to swim. He taught Sehun to relax when he was waist-deep in the water; to not fear it if he ventured further, further, from chest to neck level, all the while assuring him he was doing wonderful. That if something went wrong (and hopefully not), Jongin would be right there to save him.

The nervousness rolling off Sehun’s form dissolved as he learned, bit by bit, to not fear the water; took a deep breath for courage, another whenever he dipped one foot, then the other, submerging himself to the waist without the

apprehension Jongin had sensed in the past days. Jongin guided him and kept close watch every step of the way; encouraged Sehun to wade out just a little further than their agreed distance on days he had the energy for venturing.

Jongin reminded him to keep calm at all times—if he panicked for even one second, his efforts would be for naught.

“When do you think I’ll be able to dive underwater?” Sehun asked, after they reached shore, his entire form soused from their morning lesson.

The waves aided in pushing Jongin inland. He crawled then sat on the sand, tail dipped in the water. Sehun sat down beside him, shoulder slightly bumping against Jongin’s as he dried his hair with a towel he brought with him. How far they’d come from the respectable distance Sehun always set.

“You are a good swimmer now. Diving is another thing entirely. What is the rush to master these skills? There is time.”

“I just get impatient when I’m excited.” Sehun’s face came into view as he used the towel to dry his neck. His hair stuck together in clumps, dripping seawater. “I want to master swimming and diving as fast as I can. I won’t have time to learn when I go back to Seoul for school.”

Seoul. Jongin filed away the word; tested it on his tongue. He had heard of this place, usually described as a sprawling metropolis by the merfolk who have seen it and lived there. Sehun had mentioned this city a few times in passing during their conversations, giving Jongin the impression he hailed from Seoul.

“If you come back here next time, I will teach you.”

“Do you mean that?” Sehun turned to him, face serious; eyes searching. “If you make a promise now, you can’t take it back.”

“I do not make promises lightly,” Jongin said, equally serious.

A beat, and then Sehun’s eyes crinkled; mouth curving upward. “Alright. I’ll hold you to that." He held out his pinky. Jongin stared at it, not knowing what to do. “Oh, sorry. Do you not do this underwater? It’s called a pinky promise.”

Taking Jongin’s hand, Sehun curled four of his fingers inward except for the pinky that he twined with his. “When you do a pinky promise, it means you have to fulfill it. If you break your promise, you have to eat a thousand needles as punishment.”

“I don’t want to eat a thousand needles!” Jongin exclaimed, panicked at the thought of those thin, pointed objects; panicked more at the somberness on Sehun’s face.

“That’s why you can’t break your promise to me. When I come back next time, you have to teach me how to dive. Okay?” Sehun waved their locked pinkies to emphasize his point.

Jongin nodded right away. He returned home much later still imagining those needles—why were some human inventions so dangerous? He couldn’t stop thinking about those needles; slept fitfully that night and visited by strange dreams of being chased by those pointed, silver objects after breaking his promise to Sehun.

“You don’t look like you slept well, Jongin,” one of his friends told him, when they met by coincidence on his swim to the surface. His friend listened to him rant about his dream, but Jongin didn’t expect the laugh that tumbled out of his mouth after. “I think your human friend is just teasing you. It’s true there’s a saying like that among humans, but the person who breaks a promise isn’t fed needles. It’s just a figure of speech.”

Sehun laughed loud and unrestrained when confronted later, much to Jongin’s chagrin. “Oh, darn, I thought of keeping up the joke a bit longer.

Why are you pouting? You don’t honestly think we make promise breakers eat needles?

Wait. You did. You did! Your face! Ow, okay, sorry!” He didn’t sound sorry at all, not even his laughter, even as Jongin pinched him on his sides.

“Then don’t make jokes like that anymore. It’s not funny!” Jongin griped. He stopped pinching Sehun, though his indignation had yet to fade. He stuck out his bottom lip; folded his arms across his chest, turned his body away, unimpressed. Half of his tail was in the water, swinging back and forth in annoyance.

Sehun’s laughter tapered to a snort. He tapped Jongin on the shoulder.

Jongin harrumphed, puffed up his cheeks, but did not look at him.

“Fine, fine, sorry for pulling the joke on you,” Sehun said, and though he sounded sincere, amusement continued bubbling in his words. “No more weird punishments. Let’s change it. If you don’t keep your promise of teaching me how to dive when I come back next time, I’ll be really sad.”

The slow deflation of Jongin’s cheeks matched the pace of his evaporating petulance. He slowly turned to look at Sehun; was greeted by a soft smile, a face absent of mischief. “Why would you be sad?” he asked, after seconds of silent eye contact. “You shouldn’t be sad.”

“Then keep your promise. Teach me how to dive next time. I won’t joke about you eating needles as punishment if you do.”

Calmer now, Jongin faced him fully. “Come back here first.”

This time, when they interlocked pinkies, there were no jokes about needles; just a fluttery kind of warmth that circled round and round in Jongin’s chest.

☆彡

They did see each other again on this summer similar in weather and humidity from the year past. Between that period and now, Jongin continued saving humans from drowning; continued watching and observing them from afar.

Between that period and now, Sehun retained his swimming skills, happily showing off to Jongin on their reunion. Jongin delighted in the way Sehun held no more reservations plunging into the waters, traces of the apprehensive, twelve-year old boy who trembled at the notion of going deeper into the sea completely gone.

“I practiced swimming a lot on my free time,” Sehun told him, after swimming three—laps, was what he called them. Jongin thought the term strange, but added it to his collection of human terms for later perusal and probable use.

“There are no beaches inside Seoul, so I had to make do with swimming pools.

My friends were so shocked I knew how to swim and not afraid of the water anymore.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Hmm, yeah. I’m mostly known as the coward who’s scared of water among us.” Sehun looked equal parts embarrassed and shy saying this, tips of his ears reddening. “But that’s changed now, thanks to you. Some of them still swim faster than me, but I don’t plan on losing next time when I meet them at the pool.”

“If you can beat me in swimming, your friends won’t stand a chance.”

“You think so?” Sehun cocked his head in wonder, as if considering this. “Should we start now?”

Although it was unheard of for humans to beat merfolk in swimming, Jongin discovered Sehun was not one to admit defeat; did not show any exhaustion and insisted on a rematch when he lost for the second, third, fourth time.

Sehun requested for breaks between to rest his body, and through this Jongin was reminded how humans and merfolk were built differently. That merfolk did not need to rest long to recover, bestowed with the gift of mighty endurance by the sea goddess herself so they could swim for long periods of time without tiring.

If swimming felt extraneous for Sehun after recovering spent energy, they would hold contests on who could hold their breath underwater longer. Jongin won most of the rounds, but he was always impressed whenever Sehun snatched his victories.

“My friends and I do these games for fun in the pool,” was Sehun’s explanation, when Jongin praised him for holding his breath three seconds longer on their next match. “I win most of the time.” He looked as proud as he sounded saying this.

Sehun was generous in sharing stories of what he had done in the past year: places he'd seen, people he had met, food he’d tasted and wished Jongin could

try. Jongin soaked up these stories like he would with his favorite algae, trying to paint pictures of the world Sehun lived in. Likewise, he would tell him of his school activities in the past year, and all the new things he had experienced.

“Singing?” Sehun looked intrigued when Jongin mentioned this. “Oh, right.

How could I forget? The merfolk are known for their beautiful voices when they sing. I’ve never heard you sing before, though.”

“Oh. That…” Jongin’s mouth remained opened, but no words followed after.

It was true the merfolk prided themselves for possessing the most beautiful voices. Humans who heard them became endlessly enchanted—one of countless reasons they sought merfolk out at sea, at times completely disregarding personal safety and malevolent thunderstorms. Jongin had grown up listening to his mother sing at home while doing chores; had hummed along with her when he was mature enough to form his own thoughts that, perhaps, he would like to improve on his singing someday.

Entering school introduced Jongin to music classes, which he always anticipated; loved attending. He appreciated his music teacher’s tireless encouragements and helpful advices if he couldn’t get a note right; couldn’t get his voice to cooperate with him, which was becoming a frequent occurrence.

The erratic cracking of his voice dampened the motivation to raise his hand in subsequent classes when the teacher asked who would like to lead the class to sing.

“I’m not… I’m not a very good singer…” Jongin felt his face heat up when he said this—hotter than the summer sun beating on their backs above them.

Sehun did not deign him with a response right away. “Why do you say that about yourself?” No malice, no annoyance laced his words—just curiosity so pure for someone his age. “Do you believe that?”

Again, Jongin was at a loss for words. “No, but—”

“Then you’re a good singer unless you genuinely believe the opposite.”

Sehun smiled, and even this gesture looked genuine. “May I hear you sing?

Any song will do. It’s okay to sing one song. You don’t need to put on an entire concert.”

Jongin wasn’t sure what a concert was, and if he could even do that. He wasn’t even sure if he had the confidence to hold one when Sehun explained the term. The earnestness of Sehun’s waiting gaze encouraged him to pick one song, however. He took one deep breath for hope. Opened his mouth.

His singing went splendidly in the first two verses. Jongin picked this song on purpose because it was the one that had never made him sound strange, no matter how many times he sang it. It was the first song he learned to perfect from start to finish, and also gave him more control over his voice—

—until Jongin went off-key at the refrain, shattering his momentum, his perfect start.

The seagulls’ cries overhead and the roar of waves before them filled the ensuing silence.

Jongin snapped his mouth close; at the same time, Sehun’s eyes widened. His cheeks burned with shame, and he wanted nothing more than to dive back into the sea to stew in his embarrassment. Surely this moment would torture him tonight while waiting for sleep to claim him. Jongin’s body refused to cooperate, however, and only seemed to hold enough energy to hide his face behind his hands; blurt out a panicked, “I’m sorry!”

“Huh? What are you sorry for?”

Jongin couldn’t detect any teasing in Sehun’s voice, but he still refused to face him. “I went off-key. I ruined the song.”

“Ruined the song? How?” Sehun sounded flabbergasted, highly confused.

Jongin didn’t answer, just pressed his hands against his face harder in burning shame. Then, Sehun let out a sound of understanding. “You can just sing the song again. Going off-key happens to singers. It’s natural. You don’t get everything perfect on your first try, and that’s okay.”

Soft, careful hands encircled Jongin’s wrists and tugged lightly. Jongin refused to relent, too deep in his mortification. Sehun showed no signs of doing the same, but wasn’t forceful or rough in his tugging. He never relinquished his hold, kept tugging lightly at Jongin’s wrists.

A short silence passed before Sehun spoke again.

“If it helps, before I met you, I was so bad at swimming. I wanted to join my playmates in the water whenever we hit the pools in summer; they always had so much fun playing and swimming. But I couldn’t get in because I was a scaredy- cat about anything water. Sometimes my friends made fun of me for using floaties and not straying very far from the shallow parts. Beaches were a nightmare: I had to content myself staying on the shore while being envious of relatives and cousins my age run into the water without worrying about drowning. I was tired of watching everyone have fun except me. I told myself I can’t be a coward for the rest of my life.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is: there are sides to ourselves we’re not proud of or embarrassed about. It shouldn’t stop us from wanting to do more and try again. What others say and do about our weakness could hurt us. But it doesn’t mean it should stay true forever.”

Jongin lost track of time from keeping his face hidden. He did find comfort in Sehun’s words; from his hands that never let go of his wrists. When he decided it was the right moment to stop hiding, Sehun was peering at him, face breaking into a smile. The warmth of his hands lingered on Jongin’s wrists even after he let go.

“I still want to hear you sing,” Sehun said, after some moments have passed. Then, he hurriedly added, “Not now, of course! You don’t have to force yourself. Only when you’re prepared. I don’t mean to rush or pressure you.”

“I’ll try harder.” Jongin surprised himself saying this but didn’t take it back.

Found himself smiling, too, and the previous shame disappearing. “One day, I’ll sing a complete song for you. I will rehearse more until then.”

“Is that another promise?” Sehun asked. Jongin was about to answer but caught the mischief sparkling in his eyes. He frowned; Sehun laughed. “I’m joking, geez. No needles. Just tell me when you’re prepared, okay?” He grinned, the sea breeze blowing through his short hair.

The idea someone genuinely wanted to hear him sing outside of class resurrected the warmth in Jongin’s chest similar to the one he felt in the past year.

One early morning, after Jongin finished guiding a bale of turtles to a nesting site safe and far from human contact on the shore, Sehun surprised him with a brick-looking gadget that lit up when he pressed a singular button at the bottom. A phone, Sehun called it; a magical device, Jongin countered. Sehun chuckled and pressed several items on its surface, urged him to come close, come look.

Jongin gasped upon seeing several tiny humans appear on the phone, dressed in sophisticated-looking costumes and moving about. “How did this happen?” he asked, bewildered, pointing at the tiny humans oblivious to them. “Did you hold these humans captive?”

Sehun laughed, but not in a mean way. He explained the phone was playing a video clip (“Think of it like illustrations on a book, but they’re moving.”).

Although Sehun promised he didn’t commit any sort of sorcery or held humans against their will, that all this was the work of advanced human technology, Jongin, with plenty of hesitation, acquiesced to his request of watching the video clip.

Jongin gasped again after watching in silence for a considerable length of time. “Oh, it’s ballet! They’re dancing ballet!”

“Yup!” Sehun confirmed; adjusted his hold on the phone, raised his arm a little higher so they both had a better view.

Jongin watched the dancing figures, once again reminded how smitten he had been watching the young man and woman pair for the first time. If anything had changed, his desire to have legs and learn the dance grew stronger. Going through the long list of video clips, Jongin learned there were truly so many

ways the human body could move and twist and bend; a plethora of musical pieces in varied pitches and energies; pretty costumes in many colors worn in accordance to the mood and roles.

Long after the last video clip finished, Jongin voiced a lingering question.

“Why did you show me these?”

“You looked so happy when you mentioned ballet last time,” came Sehun’s easy reply.

“So you collected these… video clips”—Jongin took great care with his pronunciation, imitating what he heard earlier—”to show me, just because it made me happy?”

“You could say that,” Sehun said, slowly nodding.

Jongin vaguely wondered about the tint of red on Sehun’s cheeks; if they needed to seek shade soon so the sun wouldn’t burn their skin. He vaguely wondered about this warmth in his chest, circling round and round once again, just like in the past year; if this was an affliction that caused by staying out under the sun too long.

It must be an annual type of affliction and not caused by the sun, Jongin guessed, when the warmth resurfaced from the depths of his chest the following year, on the day Sehun returned. Sehun, whose eyes instantly found him, regardless if Jongin sat on the rocks or on the sand. Sehun, who seemed to have grown taller than last they saw each other, limbs longer, boyish features mostly retained, though with slight traces of a jawline starting to become defined.

Effects of puberty, Jongin recalled his teacher labeling these changes in adolescent humans.

“Hey, when did your tail change color?” Sehun asked, surprised, after climbing onto the rock.

The deeper timber of Sehun’s voice was taking some getting used to. Another puberty effect—Jongin recalled reading about this from assigned scroll reading. His eyes followed Sehun’s stare. Jongin smiled, caressing his tail. At the end of

winter, the color of his scales and fins underwent a slow transition from the common emerald color the merfolk population owned from birth to its current aquamarine hue. Signs of merteen puberty.

Sehun stared at Jongin’s tail in unveiled awe. “It’s a really beautiful color.”

“Many others possess a similar tail color,” Jongin said, though he allowed himself to revel in the praise.

“You’re the only merperson I know. That automatically means your tail color is the most beautiful I’ve seen.” One corner of Sehun’s mouth lifted into a half smile.

Puberty did not take away Sehun’s chattiness and his free-flowing stories.

Puberty made their shoulders knock together more often than accustomed when sitting close to each other. Sehun joked Jongin’s shoulders had turned broader; therefore, the reason they kept bumping when they huddled close to watch the new collection of ballet videos on an obviously new phone.

Puberty had been kind to Jongin, his voice finally developing in a way that it no longer cracked when he sang in front of the class; led them many a time when learning new songs, one by one winning the admiration of his teacher and peers. Jongin’s confidence gradually built that he no longer shied away when asked to sing impromptu; no longer worried too much if he was going to ruin the song somewhere in the middle. From humming inconspicuously under his breath to singing random song sections without fear of anyone hearing him, the embarrassment rooting from his singing mistakes seemed like a distant reality, now.

And with this newfound confidence, he could finally keep his promise of singing one complete song for Sehun.

Puberty also did not stop them from enjoying simple activities such as building castles on the sand. Jongin was meticulous in building his part of the castle; Sehun seemed more interested in poking holes anywhere his finger reached to get a rise out of him. They were beginning to spend time together longer than

usual. Jongin didn’t complain, though he asked Sehun why. Sehun shrugged, said he didn’t really feel like heading home early.

Jongin only nodded in reply, gaze staying on him for a moment longer as he wondered to himself what Sehun wasn’t telling him.

After Sehun gave up bothering Jongin, they lapsed into silence and finished the sandcastle. Immersed in his task, Jongin began singing, a habit developed from days past of striving to improve his singing. When he lifted his head, Sehun was staring right at him, hands unmoving.

“What song was that? It’s really pretty.” Jongin answered. Sehun slowly nodded, a grin appearing on his face—cheeky but also a touch curious. “I hope you’ve been rehearsing as you told me before. You owe me a song, remember?”

“I haven’t forgotten.” Jongin grinned back. “I haven’t found a suitable song. Wait for it.”

The waiting came to an end three nights later.

“Jongin, I saw your human on the shore,” one of his friends said. Their meeting was accidental; Jongin was swimming on the way back from completing an errand for his mother.

“My who?”

“Your human. The tall, gangly kid who’s always hanging around you,” his friend repeated, unfazed by Jongin’s shock. “Everyone knows he’s the human you’re always so eager to see around this time of the year. But that’s not the point. I saw your human walking along the shore. He looked dazed and kind of sad.”

Curious, concerned, Jongin headed home first to give his mother the bag of edible algae he gathered for her and swam to the surface. With the aid of the light coming from the tall lampposts erected in the surrounding area, true to form, Sehun was walking seemingly without aim on the shore; stopped to kick up the sand, irritation evident in his movements. Jongin called out his name once

he was close enough. Sehun’s head immediately snapped up, the look of surprise comical if not for the rapid somberness overtaking his expression.

“I can’t stand living in that house,” Sehun told him, shattering the lengthened silence of simply sitting beside each other on the shore. “I can’t take the screaming matches. My parents never fought this badly before. And they keep getting worse. Staying outdoors is now miles better than going back home if I have to listen to them argue round the clock.”

For all the time spent together, Jongin could only count the instances Sehun talked about his parents with one hand. He never pushed him to share more after the accidental discovery how wrong a move it was to probe deeper. The smile instantly slipped off Sehun’s face, and he wasn’t subtle in hinting he’d rather talk about something else. But everything had a tipping point, and this must be Sehun’s: frustration lining his face, gestures underscored with impatience, the sad slump of his shoulders.

“Just for one day, I want them to stop arguing.” Sehun hugged his knees close to his chest, staring into the distance. “I thought this trip away from work and the city would help them. Can’t believe it’s doing the exact opposite.”

The openly-displayed vulnerability incited Jongin to encircle an arm around Sehun’s shoulders. He near retracted his arm upon feeling Sehun tense but found nothing to worry about when he wasn’t pushed away. Using a little more courage, Jongin pulled him closer; leaned his head against Sehun’s. Sang the first song to cross his mind, voice purposely lowered and soft to avoid upsetting the precarious situation.

Gradually, Sehun relaxed. Gradually, the song came to an end. The crashing of waves against rocks in the far distance filled the ensuing silence. Neither moved nor spoke, but Sehun’s soft sigh broke the spell of tranquility. Jongin refrained from asking questions, allowing Sehun to speak as he wished. If not, that was alright, too.

“That was a very nice song.” Sehun’s voice was lowered, but he didn’t sound on edge anymore. “The melody was soothing. I don’t understand merfolk language, but I felt very comforted.”

“The song is usually sung to comfort those going through a hard time.

My mother used to sing it to me when I was merbabe.”

“So it’s like a lullaby used to calm babies.” Sehun didn’t pose it as a question. He leaned back, and Jongin was surprised, then relieved, by the traces of amusement on his face. Much better than a frown. Much better than sadness. “What am I, a baby?”

Jongin chuckled. “Are you not?” He lightly pinched Sehun’s cheek.

Sehun groaned, batting away Jongin’s fingers. He looked to doing his best not to smile, corners of his mouth laced with restrained mirth. “I’m a teenager. Of course I wouldn’t want to be seen as a baby, even if I do like being cared for.

At least, I don’t want you to see me as a baby.” His gaze skittered away as he mumbled the last few words. With the aid of the lampposts’ light, Jongin saw the reddening of Sehun’s. Why, though?

“I don’t see you as one,” Jongin told him, effectively gaining back Sehu’s attention.

“So what do you see me as?” Sehun asked, suddenly serious in demeanor; in the way he straightened his back, an unexplained intensity in his gaze. “If you don’t see me as a baby, what am I to you?”

“I see you as a friend,” Jongin replied, ignoring the telltale warmth circling in his chest that somehow found its way to creep up his neck, his cheeks. The sea breeze wasn’t doing anything to alleviate it. “A friend who likes being a baby, sometimes?”

Sehun’s mouth opened and closed several times, though no words came out.

Finally, he snapped his mouth shut, and a chuckle escaped his smiling lips as he shook his head. “Ah, really, what did I expect…”

Jongin creased his forehead. “Was it not the right answer? Were you expecting me to say something else?”

“I’m not saying anything. Figure it out yourself.”

Jongin would’ve complained, tried extracting clearer answers; but none of those mattered right now. Not when Sehun looked freer of his current burdens, reflected in the smile he now wore and the returned sparkle in his eyes. Not when Sehun seemed to return to his usual, cheerful self, already teasing Jongin within the next second after his moment of weakness. Not when, after his attempt at pinching was thwarted and Sehun seized his hand, laughing and refusing to let go, did Jongin’s mind summon a most traitorous thought.

Why was it that he only felt this tingly, overflowing warmth in his chest when Sehun was involved?

☆彡

A shift occurred on their next summer together.

At seventeen years young, Sehun’s gaze carried a sort of maturity absent in the years previous. Like the world he lived in forced him to grow up at a faster rate than others in order to handle every dire circumstance thrown his way. Jongin would find out he was correct when Sehun let slip his parents had ended their marriage on their return to Seoul last year, and he had been given the choice of whom he wanted to live with.

“I chose my dad,” Sehun said, opening a blue bag containing palm-sized treats of a pale yellow color. Due to his fondness of sharing snacks through the years, Jongin’s palate had grown used to human flavors and seasonings. “I didn’t want to choose at first, and I do love my mom, but dad needs me more.”

“It must have been difficult to choose between them.” Jongin took an offered treat, curious of its peculiar shape; scrunched up his nose at the carved-out eyes and smile. Sehun mentioned they were supposed to look like ghosts.

Jongin had never encountered anything like these treats underwater, even in its murkiest, creepiest depths. Perhaps this was what ghosts looked like in the human world,

he guessed, and bit into one. The rich flavor of cheese took him aback but not entirely unpleasant. “Is it hard living with just your father?”

“It’s bearable,” Sehun said, munching on three at a time. “Chores and meals aren’t a problem—we have hired help for that. Accepting we aren’t a complete family anymore is taking us time to get used to. My dad and I will move past that one day.”

There was sadness in his tone Jongin didn’t like; thought it unsuitable of him. Quickly he came up with an idea of cheering him up. “You said you’ve beaten the fastest swimmer among your friends. Can you beat me, though?”

Sehun’s hand froze midway into the bag. “Are you challenging me? But you haven’t taught me how to dive yet. Are you going to keep forgetting on purpose? Remember the needles?” The last two sentences dripped with pure amusement.

Jongin playfully rolled his eyes. “Are we swimming or not? Are you scared to find out you can, in fact, never beat a merman in his natural habitat?”

Perhaps Jongin shouldn’t have been too complacent. Perhaps it was due time he kept the word he’s sworn so long ago. Perhaps Sehun had received training elsewhere upon retuning to Seoul. Regardless, it amazed Jongin the young boy he first met who hedged during their swimming lessons once upon a time had now beaten him in a skill he was supposed to excel at.

Sehun flipped his wet hair away from his face, beaming wide at his acquired victory, won fair and square. His hair was longer from last time, black as the starless night. Jongin wondered, not for the first time, how it would feel against his fingers if he ran them through the strands.

“So, I won,” Sehun said, smug in tone and smirk.

“You won,” Jongin conceded, albeit begrudgingly. Though his pride as a merman was hurt, he could set it aside for now. The pure happiness on Sehun’s face wasn’t the reason. Not at all. “Shall I teach you the kind of diving that won’t require using equipment?”

Sehun nodded eagerly. “Of course! I waited so many years for this. I’ve done some scuba diving with friends last year in Jeju, but it won’t hurt to expand my abilities, right?”

“There are two methods,” Jongin said. “The first one is the easiest. All you need to do is take in something that will allow you to breathe underwater without the threat of losing air for your lungs.”

“What’s that?”

“A sea vegetable.” Sehun’s face showed mild skepticism. Jongin continued explaining. “It’s a plant that grows the whole year round, so you needn’t wait for harvest season. Merfolk who have fed it to humans recommended slicing it into cubes for easier ingestion. It will take a few hours, though. The sea vegetable is rumored to taste far too salty for the human tongue. One advantage is that the vegetable’s effect lasts half a day.”

“Sounds like a lot of work,” Sehun said.

“It does,” Jongin agreed. “We were taught this in school should we encounter humans we wished to befriend.”

“What’s the second method?”

Hesitation overcame Jongin for reasons he could not fathom at the moment.

Lying was not in his nature, however, most of all to those he deemed close and important to him. Meeting Sehun’s expectant gaze, Jongin strictly instructed himself not to look away when answering the question.

“A kiss.”

Surprise stole across Sehun’s face, albeit fleeting, giving way to another emotion Jongin couldn’t decode. The corners of Sehun’s mouth lifted, then ran a hand through his wet hair. He only broke the eye contact for a split second before locking gazes with Jongin again.

“This is easier than I thought.” Sehun’s smile grew more visible, now, shaking his head. He didn’t allow Jongin to question his meaning by following it up with a question. “How effective is the kiss compared to eating the vegetable?”

“You will be able to breathe underwater until next day’s sunrise.”

“Between eating a vegetable and a kiss, which one would you choose, if you were in my place?”

Confused why he was being asked this, Jongin responded, “I have no problem eating vegetables of any kind.”

“Really? Well, you don’t know this, but I’m a very picky eater. There are only certain vegetables I will willingly put on my plate.”

Jongin blinked, turning over the words in his head. “Are you implying it will be easier for you to kiss someone than eat a vegetable?” His insides prickled with an undesirable emotion he refused to name.

“Yeah,” Sehun answered, sans stalling. The prickling worsened; Jongin willed it away in vain. “But if you’re assuming I’ll kiss just any merperson so I can dive underwater without a hitch, I would rather suffer and eat the vegetable.”

“What do you mean?” Even to Jongin’s own ears, the question sounded foolish.

He heard Sehun loud and clear, nary a stutter or hints of hesitation. His chest brimmed full with the warmth he learned to associate with Sehun and everything about him, powerful and all-encompassing like the giant waves on a stormy night.

Yet even in his hoping, Jongin treaded carefully; refused to set himself up for disappointment. Diving headfirst without checking for danger did nobody good if his interpretation clashed with the other party’s. With Sehun’s.

“What do you think I mean?” Sehun asked, tone light and teasing. A stark contrast to his reddened cheeks and ears; the earnest expression on his face made youthful by the crinkling of his eyes. “It means I only kiss someone if I like them. It means I have to like the merperson I will be kissing before agreeing

to do it.” His blush deepened, hair stirring in the sea breeze; smile softer, tender. “It means I will kiss you because I like you, and not because I’m taking advantage of what I can gain from it.”

Jongin’s speechlessness must’ve set off Sehun’s nervousness, for in the stretched-out silence, his expression morphed from anticipatory to a mixture of embarrassment, and dispirited. Emotions overwhelmed him in a way he’d never known before. His heart ached through the tumult of his mind, and also jolted him back to the startling reality of receiving a confession.

“Sorry,” was Sehun’s first word that shattered the silence and thickened the tension. “That sounded much cooler in my mind. Obviously, it came out lame.

Ah, what am I even blabbering about…” His chuckle sounded halfhearted, once confident gaze faltering as it slid away and worsened the ache in Jongin’s chest. “Anyway, you’re free to forget this conversation happened.”

“No,” Jongin’s rapid answer shocked the both of them, but urged him to push forward. “I don’t want to. I will never forget what you just told me.”

Sehun’s brows furrowed; opened his mouth to say something. Jongin didn’t allow it; grabbed his hand to silence him, cradling it between his own, heartbeat racing from the electrifying contact.

Then as his lips stretched into a slow smile, he said, “Because I want to do it, too. Kiss you, that is. I want to kiss you because I like you, and I wish to gain your heart, as well.”

☆彡

Jongin had many favorite things.

Some changed like the ebb and flow of waves. Most were constants in his life from growing up, introduced through various school activities, getting to know more about himself: sunny days with cool weather, clear skies in a blue so bright it rivaled the sea’s, learning and discovering the lost merfolk dances of the olden

days that were unfortunately no longer performed as their kind took a bigger inclination to singing.

The list expanded exponentially as he became more discerning of his likes and dislikes. Added new things gained from new experiences: strange human inventions he poured hours into figuring out how to make work; pretty trinkets that were unexpected finds from sunken ships; the kind smiles and kinder words of humans who didn't fear his species after rescuing them from a tragic fate.

Jongin had a lot more, and it might take an eternity to exhaust his list. But right now, if somebody asked him to narrow it down, he would answer a majority of his favorite things now involved Sehun.

Seeing Sehun year after year was already a blessing in itself. Spending plenty time together and befriending each other were two bonuses. Though the activities they could do were limited—Sehun with his legs and delicate lungs, Jongin with his tail requiring constant contact with seawater—it mattered little as long as they could see each other.

Now, with Sehun’s newly-acquired ability to breathe underwater, Jongin could now show him the world he lived in—its breathtaking wonders, its unmatched sights. Jongin reveled in Sehun’s curiosity and awe on their first diving adventure. The look of absolute surprise on Sehun’s face when he discovered he could also talk underwater without the threat of choking was well worth the nervous racing of Jongin’s heart and the heat-infused cheeks when their lips touched for the first time.

Sehun didn’t look put together after the kiss, either, obvious in his furious blush that rivaled the red of corals. Jongin could’ve cooed about how adorable he looked if he wasn’t equally as flustered.

The other kisses came easier; happened more naturally, but not after a few mishaps. Noses bumping, leaning in hastily, misread cues segueing to funny moments and dissolving them into giggle fits—it proved their inexperience in navigating this foreign territory of fluttery feelings that unfailingly intensified with every clumsy clasp of hands, every chaste press of lips.

If he was to further reduce the list and pick one, kissing Sehun was now Jongin’s favorite thing. Unlike other times, he didn’t think he’d tire of this soon. Or ever. Not when Sehun’s kisses steadily became surer and sweeter than the last, if assigning a flavor to it was possible. Some nights Jongin would lie awake in his quarters with his lips still tingling, the taste of their kisses lingering long after they happened. Jongin would press a finger to his lips, wishing morning would come soon with mild impatience so he could have the same sweet kiss again. So he could see Sehun again.

“Leaving will be harder this time around,” Sehun told him, after they finished watching a new ballet video clip. This summer, Sehun not only brought new video clips for Jongin to watch but shared the titles and storylines of each ballet. “I wish summer never ended so I can stay here.” His frown looked wistful saying this.

“I do not wish for you to return to Seoul, either,” Jongin confessed, and he was honest about this. Denying was pointless. “You need to complete an education, though. Your father will need you to be there for him, too.”

Sehun’s frown vanished. “If I had my way, I’d tell my dad to leave everything behind and move here permanently. But that’s too selfish of me, isn’t it? I like to think of myself as a grownup, but deep down, I’m still a child. Besides, my dad has a life in Seoul. He shouldn’t give up everything for some whim of mine.”

“Thinking about your father’s wellbeing is admirable. Don’t change that,” Jongin told him, leaning his head on Sehun’s shoulder.

“Thank you.” Sehun began absentmindedly toying with Jongin’s fingers.

“There’s a ton of growing up I still need to do. I have a long way to go— there childish sides to my personality I’m not proud of and want to change. When you call me admirable next time, I want to hear it when I no longer have anything to be ashamed about.”

“I believe in you.” And Jongin meant this. Straightening up, he gently curled his fingers around Sehun’s jaw so he could tilt his head toward him. “You know I’ll always wait for you here every summer, right? Go. As long as it’s summer, you know where to find me.”

As the setting sun bathed them in a golden light, they shared a kiss so gentle it would be seared into Jongin’s memory that would tide him over until the next summer.

Until they met again.

☆彡

“I don’t think I can come back here next summer.”

Five days into their next summer together, Sehun’s unpredicted confession startled Jongin speechless.

“Why?” Though Jongin had gained back his wits, his articulation remained elusive. A whirlwind of questions invaded his mind, warmth of the summer sun above suddenly weak against the slithering coldness in his veins.

Sehun looked to be struggling in figuring out how to explain. It took a few heartbeats before the words came. “I’ll be going someplace else after graduating high school. I told you before about college, right? Right. So, my new school for college is somewhere far away. It’s so far I have to ride an airplane to get there. Those giant, flying things we see in the sky sometimes that look like birds?

Yeah, that’s an airplane. And when I get there, I can’t come back here whenever I want to anymore. Or every summer.

“During the trip, I wondered how to tell you.” Sehun sat in front of Jongin, folding his legs and balancing himself upright the best he could. Jongin noted how Sehun had grown taller by just a little more, shoulders broader than the past year. His hair was still dark but shorter, jawline a bit more defined now.

At eighteen years, Sehun was growing into quite the handsome young man. “I didn’t want to keep it from you. It’s dumb to do that. Keeping secrets from each other is the reason why adults fight sometimes.”

“I’m glad you told me,” Jongin said, although he couldn’t lie his high spirits dampened. “Just… it doesn’t mean I am happy about it…” He trailed off on purpose, scared if he spoke more, he might come off unreasonable.

“Why? Will you miss me?” Sehun asked, cheeky, impish. Perhaps his attempt of lightening the situation. Perhaps to dispel the creeping gloominess. No matter the reason, Jongin was grateful he could still be like this.

“I will,” Jongin agreed, the words coming easily. Natural. “I always miss you, whether you leave at the end of summer or leave after the end of a day together.”

A rosy blush invaded Sehun’s face and spread to the tips of his ears and down to his neck. “W-what are you suddenly so cheesy for…” He ran a hand along his nape but didn’t break away from Jongin’s gaze.

“I’ll miss you, too,” came Sehun’s surprising and heartfelt confession, so softly uttered the sound was almost devoured by the cawing of seagulls.

Jongin heard him, though—louder than the birds, louder than his own roaring heartbeat.

Smiled and leaned forward to kiss Sehun on the nose. Blush deepening, Sehun kissed him back. “It’s not my intention to make you sad, but I also don’t want you to treat me like we’re never seeing each other again. We have to treat this summer like any other. We’re not going to mope and treat this like a farewell, okay?”

Jongin nodded. “If you wish it so.”

Days passed slow and spent together doing the usual things they did. Sehun was now a master at swimming and showed a vast improvement in his diving.

He could now dive deeper under the sea, and with his ability of breathing underwater, Sehun was unstoppable. Still, Jongin checked on him, asked if he could still go farther, if his legs weren’t cramping yet. Sehun always treated the experience with childlike enthusiasm, never shied away when some sea creatures initiated contact with him, though some of them had him erring on the side of caution, intimidated by their sizes or unusual body proportions and parts.

Diving also led to underwater kisses. The first time it happened, Jongin was caught by surprise, interrupted mid-sentence asking Sehun was breathing okay after the kiss. Sehun responded by kissing him again and pulling away with a cheeky grin. Instead of being annoyed, Jongin snuck a counterattack by catching Sehun off-guard on their swim back to the surface by kissing him, too. Then it became a game of stealing kisses. Neither complained nor stopped.

On shore, while resting their tired bodies from diving, Sehun would teach Jongin various human pastimes. Jongin sang songs he learned in school while Sehun laid out his clothes to dry on the rocks. He shared his newly-acquired achievement of leading a choir to sing in commemoration of the sea goddess on a bi-annual maritime festival. The choir members were specially handpicked by the best music teachers. To belong to the choir meant a merteen’s voice and singing talent were recognized as one of the best through the sea.

“Now that my dreams of singing and being recognized for it have come true, there remains my one childhood wish I want to fulfill someday,” Jongin said.

“Ballet,” Sehun answered, and Jongin was touched he remembered. “You can be the greatest ballet dancer the world will come to know. If you had legs, you will be unstoppable.”

“How do you know that? I haven’t tried ballet for myself,” Jongin commented— amused, undeniably flattered. “I could dream of becoming a ballet dancer in your world but also fail spectacularly.”

“No. Impossible,” Sehun insisted, sitting close beside him. “Don’t think negatively from the start. I won’t let you. Have more confidence in yourself.”

Jongin opened his mouth, but Sehun cupped a hand over it. “Don’t answer me if you’re only going to say more nonsensical things. And if you dare doubt what I say, I’ll be angry.”

This unwavering belief in him and his abilities warmed Jongin to the tips of his fins, ribcage far too small to contain his adoration for him. Slowly, he pried off Sehun’s hand away from his mouth, ignoring his sound of complaint, and said, with utmost conviction, “I believe it, too.”

Summer days usually sailed unhurried, sometimes rivaling the crawls of turtles on land. Yet despite the days stretching longer, the nights spreading shorter, time spent together seemed to be passing by too fast, like sand escaping between the gaps of fingers through a tightly-closed fist. Returning home underwater at the end of the day found Jongin wishing more ardently, more frequently than previous, for tomorrow to come faster. For time to slow once they were together. For the warmth of Sehun’s hand around his to last a long, long time after Jongin dove underwater. For the kisses, the smiles, the touches and the comfort to never stop coming.

On the eve of summer’s end, Jongin stared at the round, transparent object dangling from Sehun’s fingers through a loop of gold string attached atop it.

Sehun slid off the string and passed the object onto Jongin’s awaiting palms.

A bauble, he called it. Jongin mimicked the word; got it right on the third try.

Inside the bauble was a folded piece of paper.

“The bauble is waterproof.” Sehun explained what the word meant. Some human inventions were truly amazing and convenient, Jongin thought. “It won’t corrode no matter how long it stays underwater. When… when you get legs, and you’ve become a ballet dancer, my home address and phone number are written inside the paper.”

Jongin heard him clearly; nodded to show he understood. Yet what Sehun wasn’t saying spoke louder on this night cloaked with both uncertainty and hope. In the years they had known each other, Jongin learned to decipher the things Sehun never said; because in these unspoken sentiments lay buried pieces of his heart.

In his current silence, Sehun meant: come find me.

In his current silence, Sehun meant: we will see each other again.

“I will,” Jongin said, keeping a secure grip on the bauble, his now most prized treasure among all those he owned. In return, Jongin gave Sehun one of his.

“Wow,” Sehun gasped the word out, taking the silver necklace with a teardrop gem in the deepest sapphire like the sea. He wore it right away, and Jongin

thought it suited him. Sehun held the gem with careful fingers in his inspection. “This feels a little too fancy for me. Thank you. I’ll treasure this because it’s your gift to me.”

At eighteen years equivalent to human age, Jongin learned goodbyes were not always sad, or tragic, or final.

At eighteen years equivalent to human age, Jongin learned kisses could taste bittersweet.

☆彡

Contrary to the famed bedtime story among merfolk, the sea witch did not require drastic payments for her service; was not old and wrinkly and lived in darkness. She was definitely not half woman and half octopus; not cunning, or sly, or kept tricks up her sleeve to cheat the little mermaid of her coveted legs and prince charming, like the popular human adaptation that butchered the story’s characters.

“Blasphemous! Truly blasphemous are the tales about me these humans spin,” the sea witch ranted, busily brewing a potion in her cauldron. The liquid changed color with each ingredient poured. “I am far too beautiful and generous and transparent to be slandered by mutinous mouths.”

Jongin smiled but said nothing. If anything riled up the sea witch faster than the blink of an eye, it was the humans’ misconceptions about her. Depictions of the sea witch’s true form done by humans mostly leaned toward the dastardly kind, and Jongin sometimes wondered why humans wanted to portray her as such.

The sea witch was a beautiful mermaid herself, with a tail in the most eyecatching shade of pink; long, long hair of a similar color, flowing around her like a cloud and followed her movements. Tiny starfishes decorated her hair; around her neck a perfect string of luminescent pearls. Jongin wasn’t sure where he heard it from, whether it was fiction or fact, but the pearls she wore were supposedly magical, like everything in her cave, from the potted plants

decorating her cave’s entryway to the mythical creatures slumbering in a separate dwelling believed to be fictitious by land dwellers.

And like a young Sehun told him once before about everything having a name, the sea witch, usually pertained to her title, had one, too.

“Here.” Joohyun handed Jongin a vial containing liquid the color of fire.

Jongin knew better than to be fooled by its captivating, fiery red, if the stories he heard from others were anything to go by. “I know what you intend to do, and this is the result of one year’s worth of hard work. Earning my trust by becoming my assistant is no easy task. Very few have stayed, endured, and passed my tests. It is a testament of how the lengths they are willing to take to get their heart’s desire. Yours, too. I must say, I have not seen determination like yours in a long time. I am genuinely impressed.”

“Thank you. My gratitude to you runs eternal.” Jongin accepted the vial, holding it with a sure, careful hand, making sure not to drop it. Working as Joohyun’s assistant had cost him countless chastising and wasted ingredients, all due to his clumsiness. It helped lengthen his patience, taught him to deal with clients’ erratic moods and Joohyun’s caprices; learned to communicate better with foreign sea creatures and how to tame them. He learned more about sea botany than what they taught in school; ancient songs once believed to be myth actually existing though couldn’t be translated to the merfolk’s modern language.

Joohyun hummed, a pleased sound. “Young merman, I repeat to you what this vial contains. It is a potion to aid in your transformation from merman to mere man. Your tail shall be replaced with legs. You will not lose some of your merman capabilities such as swimming. Breathing underwater without consequence will now be impossible. The potion’s potency will last three decades. You will not need to worry about reverting back to your merman state in case water, plain or sea-sourced, will touch your skin. But remember this: you must return to the sea to immerse yourself in pure seawater once every month for three decades, or you will become gravely ill.”

Jongin repeated Joohyun’s instructions to himself over and over while preparing for his ascension to the land above. He hugged his family members for one last

time, telling them he would miss them dearly; hugged his mother the longest, telling her he would miss her the most.

On the shore Jongin sat, waiting for the first sunbeam to touch the land. The red liquid was as fiery as it looked, blazing down his throat with ferocious heat Jongin almost gagged. He caught himself in time; willed himself to swallow the potion to the last drop. A burning sensation flared in his core, shooting downward. Excruciating pain seized his lower half, and Jongin doubled over from its breath-stealing intensity. His scales were crackling, dissolving; his tail felt like it was being split in half. Jongin fell to his side, writhing on the sand, arms clutching his middle, gritting his teeth through the lasting torture.

Jongin wasn’t sure how long he stayed immobile; how long the pain took him captive. He wasn’t even sure when he’d closed his eyes; how long he’d passed out. When he came to, world returning to focus, the sun hung high up in the sky.

A man was peering down at him with curious eyes to the side.

Jongin had never bolted upright so fast. Disorientation struck him first; his head colliding with the man’s second. A pained yelp escaped them both.

Jongin held his head, about to demand who he was, but stopped upon noticing two very naked and very human legs that were very much his.

“I have legs,” Jongin blurted out, before he could stop himself. He touched his calves, surprised by the smoothness of the skin; the length of his legs. Quickly doing a mental estimate, he ascertained his tail was about the same length if he still had it. His mother used to tell him if he ever became human, he would have long legs that could incite envy from others; stand proudly tall with his above average human height. Jongin knew to trust his mother’s words.

“Indeed, you do,” the man’s reply reminded Jongin he wasn’t alone.

Cautious, self-conscious of his nudity, Jongin tried and failed to cover up; hurriedly asked, “Who are you?”

The man produced a cloth—a towel, he called it—from a bag Jongin didn’t notice the first time. He instructed Jongin how to use it to cover himself;

him stand for the first time in order to wrap it around his waist. Jongin’s legs and knees (the man called it that for those funny-looking knobs) trembled, and he was having a hard time getting used to standing. It took a few tries before Jongin adjusted. Standing upright on solid ground felt strange; he was too used to floating on water.

The man, who introduced introduced himself as Junmyeon, told Jongin he could teach him how to walk. Jongin was more than aware trusting blindly—a human, at that—might get him into trouble, but Junmyeon looked harmless.

Putting one foot in front of the other was relatively easier, except Jongin hadn’t rid himself of his instinct to wriggle his lower half instead of lifting and setting down his feet. He stumbled and fell a few times. Junmyeon’s smile, though encouraging, was starting to get on Jongin’s nerves. Still, he trusted; still, he tried. When Jongin was on the verge of giving up, he surprised both himself and Junmyeon by taking one last try at walking without being guided. Succeeded.

The success was short-lived by Junmyeon’s revelation, but also shed light to one of Jongin’s questions.

“You must wonder why I approached you. I was tasked to take you to a house that doubles as a shelter for newly-transformed merpeople.”

Jongin completely stopped in his tracks; nearly lost his balance, if not for Junmyeon’s steadying hand around the crook of his elbow. “Is that why you taught me how to walk? Why you brought a towel? How did you…?”

“How do I know? I have ties to the sea; specifically, the sea witch who works to protect the waters and its inhabitants in the stead of the goddess,” Junmyeon said, his smile looking diplomatic but also comforting. “Joohyun is my sister.

Oh, you look like you do not believe me. That is quite alright—you are not the first among the merfolk to be suspicious.”

On the way to the shelter, Junmyeon explained their mother, the previous sea witch, took a human for her husband but chose to live in the sea rather than on land. Junmyeon, with more human blood in him, stayed behind with their father. Joohyun’s gift of sorcery made her follow their mother under the sea. It was no secret some of the merfolk longed to live above, regardless of reasons, but the

education about land dwellers taught under the sea was not adequate enough to supply them with the knowledge to survive in human society. It had been their mother’s idea to provide a shelter; relegated Junmyeon to ferry these newlytransformed merfolk to the shelter and teach them the basics of living like a human. This encompassed walking, a deeper knowledge and understanding of formal and informal language, customs and beliefs, and everything else that would prepare them for mingling with humans without rousing suspicion should they decide not to reveal their origins.

At the shelter, Jongin spent the next two years learning, assimilating, adapting through Junmyeon’s saintly guidance; found a home with the other humans aware of merfolk existence but treated him and the others with kindness and respect. They were also helpful and eager in imparting knowledge; patient as they were fun-loving. Here Jongin met others like him who worked for their legs; listened to their stories for coming to land. Jongin warmed up to them relatively faster than the others, and if the nostalgia for the sea struck them, they would huddle in the living room trading memories laced with nostalgia.

Comfortable and cozy this shelter and its inhabitants were, Jongin never forgot his purpose for coming to land.

“As you know, Jongin, while preparing a merperson for their immersion into human society, we also help them cultivate their interests” Junmyeon told him, one night after dinner. They were in Junmyeon’s study, the place where serious conversations about future plans were normally conducted. “I have been informed by colleagues from the sea you excelled at singing and dancing.

There are some places we can recommend if you wish to do and learn anything related to those. Everything will be arranged accordingly once you have decided. Which one do you wish to pursue?”

“I wish to dance,” Jongin said, without missing a beat. “I wish to learn ballet.”

Solid determination coated his every word. “Show me where I should go to learn it.”

☆彡

One good-weathered day in summer, a new student arrived at the doorsteps of a prestigious ballet academy. He was accompanied by a man with an infamous reputation of being linked to merfolk. The new student had zero training before coming to the academy, despite his impressive stock memory of ballet pieces, but the directress saw no reason to turn him away due to his lack of experience and age.

Jongin was genuinely surprised by the directress’ good news informing him he would be accepted into the academy. It might or might not have something to do with the academy’s infamous reputation of taking in students from origins human and merfolk alike. Though their level of skills varied and hailed from different parts of land and water, they worked together in one environment to achieve a common goal.

The tour around the academy heightened Jongin’s excitement; every room he was shown bringing a smile to his face. He was given a chance to sit in and watch a morning class where dancers warmed up and exercised, admiration twining with envy at their finesse and grace he wished to achieve one day.

He delighted in watching them bend and twirl and leap like the young man and woman pair he saw on the beach that fateful day; like the costumed dancers he watched one too many times on Sehun’s phone.

At the end of the tour, Jongin vaguely recalled the taunting from the disbelievers; the naysayers who mocked him for a so-called silly wish.

Today, he was one step closer to achieving what they thought he would never reach.

The directress—Boa was her name—assured him if he worked hard and poured his heart into everything he did, he would be able to dance like the aspiring dancers he watched today.

And so Jongin prepared. And so Jongin trained. Unerring passion and determination were his tools. He diligently attended classes, listened to his teachers. Spent countless hours in front of the training room mirrors perfecting his dance steps, his posture, his expressions and form until he was satisfied with the results, but also left space for dissatisfication he would use to push himself in order to try harder. Dance better.

Dancers who started learning ballet since you had an edge over Jongin in terms of flexibility and technique. Instead of staying envious, Jongin searched for ways he could attain a similar pliability; gradually conditioned his body to undergo such a state. The edge Jongin had over humans was his merfolk physiology, in which it took a relatively smaller time frame for their bodies to be as limber as they desired. Combined with Jongin’s single-minded devotion to his training and classes, sometimes staying back an extra hour or two at night to work more on anything he deemed unsatisfactory about himself, his body became as flexible and well-coordinated as the others.

He applied the same work principle and intense focus on learning dances, watching his peers and admiring their forms and interpretation of roles, picking valuable lessons without sacrificing his own style. He studied the characters and storylines of upcoming productions; listened to the musical scores, made up steps as he let the melody flow through him and move his limbs to match it. At times Jongin forgot he was out in public, and only when his concentration broke would he notice and shy away the strange looks directed at him by civilians.

On his first performance as a member of the corps de ballet, Jongin had never known nervousness compared to this. But he held his head up high, performed the best he could. Off stage, his knees wobbled as the exhilarating rush of performing slowly faded from his system. Unable to support him, Jongin fell to a kneel, albeit from sheer relief and delight. This was what performing was like. This was what ballet was like.

Subsequent performances gave him the chance to take on more roles, enrich his experience, grow as a performer. Along the way, he began attracting the attention of his fellow dancers, the teachers; gained admirers in a professional and romantic sense, Jongin handling them with care while gently turning down confessions. Through tenacity and an unquenchable thirst for improvement, Jongin’s dancing started gaining more attention, recognition, and ultimately forged the path that led him to climb up the ranks one promotion at a time; ballet companies from other lands wooing him with invitations to perform for them as a guest principal dancer.

The astonishing leap from zero ballet background to being heralded as one of the most riveting dancers in the world of ballet was dizzying as it was motivating. Jongin took his promotions and the attention that came attached in stride; used it to keep himself grounded at all times, especially since major roles were now entrusted to him for several big productions. If he was honest, he did like the positive attention he and his dancing were receiving. Stories of self- confessed fans who told him through letters they were inspired to do better in their occupations and personal lives touched him. It made him smile knowing his dancing provided happiness, or moved them to tears with the stories he portrayed using his body.

Above all, Jongin loved the fact he achieved his biggest wish, and the one dearest to his heart.

And now, he was set on fulfilling another.

In the years he stayed in Seoul, despite his one-tracked mind devoted to ballet, not once did he give up searching for Sehun. On the first day he had set foot in Seoul, he had practically begged Junmyeon to bring him to the address indicated on the paper he pulled out from the bauble. Junmyeon had been hesitant about showing up at a complete stranger’s house, but he did call the number scribbled below the address. From the brief phone call, Jongin had learned it was the right number, and indeed there was a Sehun who lived in that very residence, but he hadn’t returned to Seoul in a long time. When asked if Sehun would return to Seoul anytime this year, the answer had been a disappointing most likely not, his father had taken a flight yesterday to spend the summer with him.

Jongin took a bold attempt visiting the address the following year in the hope Sehun had returned to Seoul already. The expansive property and the luxurious- looking house that stood on it shocked Jongin wordless. This residence was far bigger than the seaside house with a beautiful, carefullytended garden in front. A wrought-iron gate stood tall and intimidating, separating Jongin from finding out if luck was on his side today.

The broken intercom and doorbell ascertained it was not, after Jongin pressed the button a few times and the screen didn’t light up, rendering it impossible to reach the caretaker.

Jongin’s friends, who tagged along to help him find the house, were just as flabbergasted, if not more.

“You’re acquainted with someone this rich?” Moonkyu, one of the first friends he made in the academy and also a ballet dancer, gaped at the property. He also happened to be a merman but hailed from a different corner of the sea.

“We should rob him. I don’t think he’ll mind if we take one or two belongings and sell it on an online auction,” Taemin, another of Jongin’s friends, joked.

Although not of merfolk origins, Jongin had a hard time believing that at first when he watched Taemin dance on stage for the first time, especially when he heard him sing at random after finishing his barre warmups.

Jongin chuckled. “I don’t think we should do that. We could get arrested.” “It must suck to not be able to see the person you’ve been searching for,” Taemin remarked, on their walk away from the property. “This has been going on for, what, years? Maybe he moved permanently to—what was that the house caretaker told you? Paris?”

“Isn’t Paris called the most romantic city in the world? I remember reading that in a magazine before,” Moonkyu said. He patted Jongin on the shoulder in an assuring manner and smiled. “Don’t feel down, Jongin. Maybe it’s just not the right time for you to meet.”

“Oh, Moonkyu the romantic?” Taemin teased with his mischievous grin. “I have a different opinion. Maybe Jongin should be bolder in seeking out this person who’s as elusive as a ghost. I’m very fascinated by this person, to be honest.

You don’t talk much about him? Her? And that’s well within your right, of course. Just be aware you’re not as subtle as you seem—it shows on your face how much you’re longing for this person.”

Jongin wasn’t cagey about Sehun on purpose. Although he avoided sharing

keep them to himself for as long as he could. Even if these stories were all he held on to for years. Even if reminiscing hurt, and Jongin would rub the base of his pinky finger, remembering the last promise they made of finding each other.

How could you find someone who kept slipping from your grasp? Jongin wanted to know the answer this; had been searching and searching since the first time he learned how to use phones and make calls by himself. It had been the house caretaker who answered, and gave an answer he dreaded. The caretaker had told him they didn’t know Sehun’s personal number but would be sure to pass on the message when he called again. Jongin had been hopeful, then; was about to place another call a few months later, except his clumsiness struck, and he dropped his phone right down a ditch. To worsen an already bad day, he had also lost the paper containing Sehun’s address and phone number were writtend own. The paper resurfaced after Jongin had honestly forgotten about it in months, only to accidentally spill water on it; ink smudged, characters and letters beyond recognition.

Devastated and heartbroken by the turn of events, Jongin had avoided thinking about anything related to Sehun for the meantime. By some sort of miracle, while searching for an item he borrowed from Moonkyu, he had chanced upon his old notebook he used for handwriting practice. Jongin flipped through the pages; gasped as the address greeted him in clumsy, wobbly characters.

Recalled with startling clarity and a relieved heart how he had tried to write Sehun’s address as practice in the past.

Gradually, Jongin allowed himself to reminisce once more, before and after the house visit. Between breaks and rehearsals, on days some routines seemed impossible to master it reduced him to tears from the stress, his mind would drift back to Sehun, his encouraging words, the way he tirelessly believed in him on times he himself was doubtful, and drew more strength from that.

Enabled him to cry as much as he wanted, wipe his tears after, stand up and try again. And again, until he perfected the routine with flourish.

The reminiscing came strongest on the onset of summer, when spring’s residual chill was melted by the growing humidity that Jongin refused to step out of his apartment. Everywhere he looked on the beach during his visit for the monthly soaking made him smile; eased the longing in his heart, albeit temporarily, when

he recalled the many carefree summer days they spent while growing up. One look at the rock they used to sit on, and Jongin would wonder what sort of ambition Sehun found for himself. Sehun had been tightlipped about his life goals back then, much less the occupation of his parents. Jongin hadn’t pressed Sehun for answers, allowing him secrets for himself. Now, he couldn’t help but wonder.

Seven days into summer, during a cafeteria break between rehearsals, Taemin slipped into the chair across from Jongin’s. His appearance paused the conversation between Moonkyu and himself. Jongin would’ve greeted Taemin, offered food, but he was stopped by the cherubic-leaning grin Taemin wore. If Jongin hadn’t known him, he would’ve taken this as nothing. However, catching the impishness concealed in said grin had him asking, “What did you do?”

“Jongin, what do you think about going on a blind date?”

Jongin furrowed his brows. He heard of this concept before: two strangers are set up by a middleman to see if they could have good feelings about each other. Certainly a lot like matchmaking. “…what did you do?” he repeated his earlier question, a sense of dread creeping up on him.

“Oh, nothing much. Just that I snagged you one, and you’re going to thank me later.” Taemin looked mighty proud of his accomplishment.

“What?” Jongin exclaimed, in a volume louder than expected. Recovering quickly from the embarrassment of the curious looks directed at their table, though the heat in his cheeks had yet to subside, he lowered his voice and demanded, “Why did you do that? You should’ve asked for my permission first before doing it!”

“See, this is the thing: if I asked for your permission, it will take you three centuries befire before I get an answer out of you,” Taemin said, unfazed.

“And you’re probably this panicked because it’s your first time when you go.

It’s okay, there’s nothing to worry about. I didn’t set you up with a psycho or a freak or someone with a dubious background. You’re in good hands.”

Jongin’s mind was spinning. “You sound so sure I’m agreeing to this,” he complained.

“Because you will.” Taemin’s eyes crinkled and an overly-sweet smile took over his features. “Trust me. You will want to go on this blind date. I repeat, I did a background check on the other person myself. I think you’ll get along well. That person is Taemin approved.”

“Give me details, too,” Moonkyu said. “Send them to me on KakaoTalk so Jongin won’t know.”

“Not you! I trusted you!” Jongin griped, shaking an accusatory finger at Moonkyu, albeit halfhearted. Moonkyu’s responding laughter only deepened his misery.

“I think it could be a good experience.” Moonkyu’s agreement continued surprising and annoying Jongin. “I’ve gone on blind dates before. Some worked out. Some haven’t. Yes, Taemin set up some of those dates for me. His success rate is around ninety percent? Anyway, don’t pout, Jongin. You’re not required to fall in love with the other person on the first meeting. Exposure to other kinds of humans can be good. It can also help you decide what kind of traits you find attractive.”

But I already know, Jongin thought to himself, instead of saying it aloud. He knew what he liked in someone, traits that made them more attractive. Foolish it might’ve been to hold on to something that might not progress any further, Jongin continued holding on to that sliver of hope that, someday, he and Sehun would cross paths again.

It had taken a lot of wheedling and coaxing, but in the end, Jongin had given in to Taemin and Moonkyu’s persuasion. He still wasn’t comfortable with the idea of meeting a complete stranger, but he also considered the fact Taemin wouldn’t get him into trouble on purpose, despite some of his rather odd quirks and odder thought processes. Taemin and Moonkyu agreed to keep watch from a distance just to make sure things wouldn’t go awry; that Jongin needn’t worry.

When a date and meeting place were worked out, and contact details swapped, Jongin stood in front of the mirror smoothing the stray strands of hair away from his forehead for what seemed like the umpteenth time. He left the apartment a little anxious and arrived at the rendezvous—some posh cafe in Cheongdam— and sat on the corner table Taemin pointed him to, Moonkyu and Taemin were seated on the opposite end of the room, chatting over their drinks; nodded and smiled if they saw him looking.

Jongin had just finished sending a picture of his outfit from the neck down to the other person so he could easily be spotted. While waiting for a response, he sifted through the details Taemin shared with him a week before. His blind date was twenty-six years old, just like him; spent a few years living overseas pursuing a college education and returned recently to train and prepare for the family business. The person must be someone who loved dogs a lot, Jongin deduced, opening the chat room with the blind date and paid closer attention to the profile picture of a dog with fluffy white fur. Jongin liked dogs the best among land animals. The brief exchange of messages didn’t hint anything about his probable personality, however.

Jongin wasn’t accustomed to drinks served in cafe, coffee the number one perpetrator he wanted to avoid at all costs. Yet he was indoctrinated into tolerating lattes, although it was a beverage he wouldn’t drink out of his own volition. His cup remained untouched in front of him, however. Though Jongin hadn’t fully warmed up to this entire blind dating idea yet, he also couldn’t bring himself to relax. He wondered what the other person looked like. They might have exchanged outfit photos, and Jongin noticed the broadness of his shoulders first; the lavish-looking room in the background second. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was a hotel room, or something else.

His train of thought broke off from the sudden movement in front of him.

Jongin blinked, taking in the features of this person’s face; mind blanking and pulse quickening the longer he looked.

The outfit in the picture matched: a white dress shirt, open at the neck, emphasizing the broadness of his shoulders. Short, neat hair, jet black and styled with a little product. A face that had changed over time, childish features no longer present, but one Jongin now recognized. Especially with the pair of dark

eyes that stared at him with polite curiosity, hiding mysteries he might or might not reveal.

Especially with the silver necklace where a teardrop gem hung, resting just below his collarbones. A teardrop gem that was, coincidentally, a vibrant sapphire in color it brought him back to the day Jongin had given it to that person.

In his heart, Jongin knew this was him. This was Sehun, all grown up and became the handsome man he always knew he’d become. This was Sehun, sitting in front of him, yet did not seem to recognize him, speaking so gently but formally as he inquired if he waited long.

“Where have you been? Did you intend to make me wait this long? Search for you just as long?” Jongin found himself saying before he could stop himself.

Sehun blinked, brows knitting together slightly. “Pardon me…?” He sounded genuinely confused.

Jongin leaned back in his chair; folded his arms across his chest. “I can’t believe you’ve forgotten about me,” he said, pouting for full effect. At the growing confusion on Sehun’s face, he added, “We made a promise not to forget about each other before you stopped coming to the beach, didn’t we? And if someone breaks their promise, they would have to eat a thousand needles as punishment.”

The dawning recognition on Sehun’s face was a joy to watch, the slow unfurling of a smile far brighter than the summer sun outside.

“You still haven’t let that go? After all this time?” Sehun teased back, smile growing wider by the second. Fonder. His eyes crinkled, and, oh—for a split second, Jongin saw him; the younger version of Sehun, whose smile never changed to this day.

“I hold grudges. You should know this. You shouldn’t have forgotten that, or this date will end earlier than expected,” Jongin countered, sans heat, wagging a finger at him to punctuate each word, failing to keep up his fake annoyed

And this elation strengthened when, with a shyness so familiar but endearing, Sehun reached across the table to gently take Jongin’s hand in his; touch tentative at first, seeking silent permission, which Jongin granted by curling his fingers around his.

“I don’t want to eat needles on our reunion,” Sehun said, and both of them laughed at their inner joke. “But I do want to make up for the time we lost.”

Jongin only had one answer to that. Tightening his hold around Sehun’s fingers, it felt like the world was right again.

Like summer once again.

fin.

strings attached

You woke up, yawning as you stretched and rubbed your eyes, rolling out of bed as you slipped on your house slippers and waddled your way into the kitchen for some water. You wanted to have a day in, you’ve been working two jobs, commute often took a while, and you hadn’t flopped on the couch and binge watched Netflix all week. A day in sounded like the perfect thing to do – it sounded… right.

Until it didn’t.

About an hour later, you were getting dressed, tidying up your hair and double checking your battery pack and fan as you readied yourself for the humid air that would surely attack you the moment you stepped outside. You had this feeling, you weren’t sure what type of feeling, but you had this sudden urge to go and see a movie.

“What movie do you want to see?” Your friend, Yuri, asked as you met up outside of the theatre. Yuri was dressed to kill, as always, her hair and makeup on point while you had gone with subtle casual. “Or shall we see what’s on?” “Let’s see what’s on.” You said, linking your arms and walking with a smile.

There was a strange flutter in your stomach, a tugging in the back of your mind to look over towards the arcade area when you reached the ticketing machines.

“What about this one?” Yuri groaned, going to the movies with you is like going to the movies with her boyfriend.

She pressed the screen, purchasing two tickets before rolling her eyes at you.

“You can buy the food.” You smiled, happy because today you didn’t want to see some romance movie where the man and woman fell in love at first sight.

It was too much for you and made you feel lonelier than you already are so you were happy that Yuri agreed to an action film.

Yuri had a soulmate, you didn’t. You were convinced you didn’t have one considering that you had lived and been in so many different places without meeting them, but despite all of that, Seoul had become your home fairly easily

because it was where your soul wanted to be. Maybe a soulmate doesn’t have to be a person. You told yourself when you settled into your new home.

As you walked towards the food purchasing counter, you found yourself looking towards the boisterous laughter coming from the arcade area. A small group of men were walking out, one carrying a large teddy bear, and the others were laughing at him. “Looks like Jongin managed to find a date for tonight after all.” They laughed as the man carrying the bear blushed deeply. You were taken by him, unable to look away as they walked towards you. He wore a bucket hat, covering his eyes but his golden cheeks were painted a soft red as he laughed loudly with the group. You noticed that compared to his friends, his casual attire still managed to make him stick out in a crowd; a grey printed sweatshirt covered with a black vest, casual loose, black pants and a pair of Nike high tops, as well as a Gucci bag. He looked so out of place to you but he also looked like he fitted in completely.

“Hello?” Yuri waved her hand in front of your face and you realised you were trying to push your card into the wrong slot on the machine. “Is everything okay?” She asked, looking in the direction of the group and you nodded, ears heating up at being so captivated by the man carrying the large bear. “Do you know one of them?” She didn’t stop scrutinizing the group and you laughed, shaking your head.

“No, I just…” You trail off, grabbing your order number and stealing another glance at the group but your heart jumps into your mouth when you see him looking at you.

You have no idea what it meant. The way your heart raced and every fibre in your body wanting to run to him, made you feel silly because you don’t know him but you felt like you did – like you’ve known him for years. A familiar face, a familiar smile. It was like he was someone you had been looking for but never managed to find.

Yuri gasped, pushing you towards him and causing you to stumble. You caught yourself in time and turned to face her but she placed her hands on your shoulders and pushed you backwards towards him. “Yuri!” You hissed through gritted teeth, trying to counter her forceful pushing but to no avail.

“Stop.”

“I’ve seen that look,” she looked over your shoulder and smiled, amused by whatever she saw behind you. “I’ve seen that look before because I’ve worn that look and I’m not the only one who noticed it.”

No. No. There was no way.

Yuri stopped pushing, forcing you to turn you around and when you saw the way he smiled, the way his whole face lit up, his eyes crinkled and teeth showing, you knew that you would give him your world. “His name’s Jongin.” His friend started, pushing him forward slightly and Jongin grunted before chuckling nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and tilting his head to the side.

The way he looked at you, his chocolate brown eyes pulling you in, made your heart race even faster than it already was. You give him your name and Jongin repeated it, smiling the whole time before he looked at Yuri and his friends.

“What movie are you seeing?” You gave him the title of the movie and his smile brightened, if that was possible. “What a coincidence, so are we.”

You walked towards the cinema, one arm holding the large bear in a chokehold while your other hand rested by your side, fingers dancing and playing with Jongin’s as he carried your popcorn and walked beside you. If anyone was to look at the two hands itching to hold, they would see the red string tied around the index fingers, the thread barely centimetres apart as two soulmates began their journey together.

Like they have been waiting to do since she arrived.

fire lilies

Dancing has been an integral part of culture since the beginning of civilization. People dance to have fun, tell stories, achieve self-actualization, and convey emotions. The most ambitious dancers, however, spend years perfecting their skills and hope for a chance to dance for a god. After all, there is no greater honor. It doesn’t matter if it’s the god of lightning, the god of life, or any of the others. A god is a god.

Kim Jongin dances for a forgotten god.

When he is six years old, Jongin meets the god for the first time at the Festival of Heavenly Fire. He can remember sitting on the third-floor balcony of the inn with his parents and sisters, watching the parade that is marching through the street below. A masked performer in robes of red and gold, representing Lord Heavenly Fire, stands at the center of the parade, swinging a sword in a re- enactment of the god slaying demons. Vendors line the streets with carts and tables decorated in red, orange, and yellow. They hail the passerby, showing off various goods that range from kites to candles to pumpkin pancakes. In the distance, devout followers of the Heavenly Fire set off fireworks from Twin Phoenix Temple, lighting up the night sky with orange sparks.

The city is packed and busy, and most people are preoccupied with enjoying the food, fireworks, or parade. Therefore, no one notices when six-year-old Jongin, entranced by the row of orange paper lanterns stretching from the balcony to the shop across the street, reaches for the closest lantern. His fingers are too short and stop a few centimeters away from the lantern, so he stretches as far as he can and leans over the railing.

His parents are marveling at the performer, and his sisters are ogling the group of handsome young men on the next balcony, so by the time someone notices what Jongin’s doing, it’s too late. Jongin hears his mother shriek and someone else yelling to be careful just as he loses his balance and falls from the balcony.

Wind whistles past Jongin’s ears as the world becomes a confusing mesh of colors. His mother’s screaming echoes around him as the ground rushes up at him with alarming speed.

He never hits the ground. Instead, Jongin lets out a huff as strong arms catch him. Plum red robes obscure his vision for a moment, and then Jongin is looking up at the face of his savior. Shadows from the lights around them dance across the man’s pale face, and a few strands of inky black hair sway as the man lands lightly on the ground.

The man looks down at Jongin, and even at such a young age, Jongin notices the underlying aura of divinity in the person’s eyes. It renders him silent in awe. The kindness and warmth emanating from the man, combined with the comforting voice that asks if Jongin is okay, is so compelling that it aches.

Jongin doesn’t realize that his parents and sisters have arrived until his mother pulls him away from the man. He clings at first, seizing handfuls of the red robes, but his parents hurriedly pry him off, spouting endless apologies and thanks to the man. Still dumbstruck, Jongin doesn’t hear any of what his parents say, too preoccupied with his staring.

The memories become fainter after that, but Jongin can remember the man cutting down a lantern and giving it to him before vanishing into the crowd.

Jongin’s parents bow as the man’s form disappears, and Jongin hears his father say, “Please guide us on a path of passion, pride, and prosperity!”

Lord Heavenly Fire’s presence is long gone, but that day, something changes within Jongin.

It starts as a strong admiration. It’s not uncommon for boys, especially those Jongin’s age, to idolize the gods. They insist on collecting trinkets that range from candles to talismans to paintings. As long as it is related to the god they idolize, they will want it.

Aside from the lantern, Jongin also manages to amass a few prosperity talismans, but those are nothing compared to the garden of fire lilies that Jongin begged his parents for. It takes a while, but the flowers eventually bloom, filling a small corner of the yard with bright-orange petals. Jongin takes care of them with a diligence that other children his age lack, and it leaves his parents and sisters gaping in surprise.

But the biggest shock is when Jongin asks to learn how to dance.

It’s no surprise to Jongin, who has wanted to learn how to dance since he was five years old. He had mentioned it to his parents back then, but they had brushed it off, saying that boys don’t need to learn how to dance. This time, however, Jongin doesn’t want to dance just because it’s something that he is interested in.

He wants to dance for Lord Heavenly Fire.

His parents still put up a fight, but Jongin is adamant, and even if they don’t agree, he plans to sneak to Twin Phoenix Temple and persuade the preceptor to allow him to learn. However, his parents eventually give in. At age eight, Jongin starts learning how to dance from Preceptor Zhang.

For three years, Jongin establishes a routine of helping with chores around the house, tending to his garden, leaving fire lilies for Lord Heavenly Fire in Twin Phoenix Temple, and practicing dancing. When he is ten years old, the routine slowly begins to break down.

It starts as mere rumors. One of the neighbors stops by their house to talk to Jongin’s mother, and as he listens in on the conversation, Jongin overhears something about a little boy who had developed black boils all over his body.

The boy isn’t anyone from their city, but Jongin’s mother still harbors a worried frown on her face for the rest of the day. Jongin, too preoccupied with his devoted worship of Lord Heavenly Fire, easily pushes the matter from his mind until Preceptor Zhang brings it up several days later.

“I will be leaving in two days,” Preceptor Zhang says amidst protesting whines, “There are people who need help.”

“I thought you were a teacher,” one of the older children says, “not a doctor.”

Preceptor Zhang just chuckles. “I only teach when there is nothing else to do.”

True to his words, the preceptor leaves in two days, and that very same day, a screaming woman dashes through the street as though the gates to the spirit world had opened and unleashed a horde of malicious ghosts after her.

As she sprints past Jongin, he sees that her left arm is covered in black boils.

From that moment forward, it seems as though the plague has become an unstoppable force, tearing through the city like a ravenous beast. From the confines of his home, Jongin can constantly hear the cries of the infected as the boils on their bodies burst and their flesh begins to rot. Doctors hurry from house to house with no avail, and it doesn’t take long before they become sick as well. In a matter of months, the colorful city is reduced to a place where the half-dead writhe in pain in the streets and the healthy cower in their homes.

Jongin, along with his sisters and mother, is banned from leaving the house, so he builds a small and rickety shrine for Lord Heavenly Fire in a corner of his room and prays before it every evening.

“This one kneels before Lord Heavenly Fire and asks that he shields us from disease and misfortune.”

He offers a fire lily with every prayer, laying the flower in front of the small pot of incense.

With each passing day, things look more and more bleak as the death toll rises and fear runs rampant. The air stinks with the stench of decay as rotting corpses pile up in the streets. Nobody wants to bury them and risk getting the plague themselves, and thus, those who are not yet infected start to think that they’re going to spend the last of their days getting choked to death by the horrid smell.

However, just as all hope is lost, a golden light splits the clouds and a great tremor shakes the earth. An unseen bell sounds, and as the clear note echoes through the air, Lord Heavenly Fire descends from the sky amidst a whirl of red, orange, and gold. He stands before the people with his unmasked divinity, looking every bit the god that he is, and the hope that had withered away with time now sprouts anew.

With rolled-up sleeves and a cloth tied over his nose and mouth, Lord Heavenly Fire starts cleaning up the corpses in the street. He doesn’t ask anyone for help, but somebody gives him a cart to transport the bodies with.

Peeking out from behind the front door, Jongin watches as Lord Heavenly Fire carefully piles the bodies into the cart and starts rolling them away.

“If Lord Heavenly Fire has descended to help us, then everything will be alright soon,” Jongin’s mother says over their meager dinner that night.

Things do get better, or at least it seems they do. The death count starts to drop, and infections don’t spring up as often as they did before. Invigorated, the people praise Lord Heavenly Fire’s efforts and eagerly wait for the day the plague disappears completely. Jongin prays at the makeshift shrine every day and thanks Lord Heavenly Fire with as many fire lilies as he can provide.

One year passes. Then another.

By the end of the third year since Lord Heavenly Fire’s descension, the plague has come to a standstill. Even with Lord Heavenly Fire rallying groups to set up camps for the sick, a cure is still yet to be found. The people, whose fickle minds have long since forgotten how Lord Heavenly Fire had slowed the death rate, are now impatient for a solution.

“Lord Bountiful Life is working his hardest to develop a cure,” Lord Heavenly Fire says when people demand to know why there has been no progress in the battle against the plague.

“Lord Bountiful Life has been working on a cure for three years,” Jongin’s father growls after returning from his own interrogation of Lord Heavenly Fire. “How long does it take to find a solution to this disease? If you aren’t competent, then just admit it and let someone else take over!”

Jongin hunches over his makeshift shrine as his father storms away. When the footsteps fade, Jongin glances at the silent hallway and then looks at the crumpled fire lily in his palm. He lays it on the shrine and sends a prayer to Lord Heavenly Fire, asking for a cure so that his sister can come home.

In the end, the heavens take his prayer for a joke because his sister passes away the very next day.

Jongin, in his fit of grief and anger, takes down the makeshift shrine. He isn’t a little boy blindly worshipping a god anymore. After all, what kind of god can’t even save one person’s life?

It doesn’t matter if it’s Lord Heavenly Fire or Lord Bountiful Life. They are all useless!

Yet, one week later, Jongin rebuilds the shrine, this time in the space under his bed. He doesn’t want his parents, who now resent Lord Heavenly Fire so much, to find it and destroy it. This time, as he leaves fire lilies every day, he doesn’t

pray to the image of the untouchable god in his head but to the immortal man who is doing his best to help even though his followers are turning their backs on him. When Jongin had gone to discard the talismans and the lantern, he had seen Lord Heavenly Fire standing before an unfamiliar god, head bowed and shoulders shaking. Jongin had been expecting him to be lamenting his loss of followers, but upon eavesdropping on the conversation, he only hears Lord Heavenly Fire say that he wishes he could do more.

Now that Jongin thinks about it, isn’t Lord Heavenly Fire the one who has done the most since the plague started? He had worked alone to clean up the streets and bury corpses, and his efforts are the reason why the plague has slowed. Yet, the unsatisfied people are shameless enough to sit around and demand for him to do more.

Jongin is fifteen years old when followers of the Heavenly Fire start to dwindle, turning away in favor of seeking a more capable god.

Jongin, however, goes to Twin Phoenix Temple and officially becomes a Heavenly Fire dancer.

When Jongin is seventeen, Lord Bountiful Life descends from the heavens to deliver the cure and put an end to the plague, and as the last of the black boils fade away, Lord Heavenly Fire disappears as well. Since he has almost no followers by the time the plague ends, everyone assumes that he had dissipated due to a lack of divinity. Without divinity, it becomes too difficult for a god to remain in this world, and many choose to vanish quietly.

However, Jongin does not stop dancing. He refuses to stop. It doesn’t matter if people sneer or make a mockery of him. It doesn’t matter if people turn and walk out when they see him in the temple. It doesn’t matter if people pretend to not know who Lord Heavenly Fire is when Jongin tells them whom he is dancing for.

Even if Jongin is the only one who still remembers, then that is enough.

Now, at twenty years old, Jongin stands in the temple, a pair of red fans clasped in his hands. The sleeves of his robes trail on the floor, rising and fluttering like orange butterflies in the occasional passing breeze. Muscles tense, he waits.

The tension snaps with the first note from the zither, and Jongin begins to move, sweeping from one side of the stage to the other. His clothes float around him with every spin, emphasizing a grace and elegance that silences the crowd watching him. Awestruck gazes follow Jongin as he snaps open the fans and waves them, and the strips of cloth billowing from the ends of the fans accentuate the motion. The people are mesmerized, leaning forward in their seats as they watch a routine they have never seen before.

Of course they have never seen it before. Jongin had just created this dance last month and is performing it in public for the first time.

He pours his heart and soul into the dance, conveying his memories of Lord Heavenly Fire before the latter’s fall from grace, and when he finishes, there is a smattering of applause from the onlookers. As Jongin steps off to the side, he hears some of the comments floating around. “…never seen that before…”

“The fans were very pretty…” “…one of the most graceful plays I’ve ever seen.”

Jongin’s lips thin, but it’s nothing he hasn’t heard before. As long as it bears the colors of Lord Heavenly Fire, people will downgrade it. A dance becomes a play. A god becomes a failure. However, Jongin will not stop his worship, no matter how many backhanded comments he gets.

As he is heading towards the back of the temple to change, he notices someone staring at him. The person is sitting alone, and a black cloth is tied around his nose and mouth. His expression isn’t one of thinly-veiled contempt but one of pleasant surprise, as though Jongin’s dancing had been better than he expected.

Unfortunately, Jongin doesn’t get a chance to examine the man’s face before the folding screen blocks the man from Jongin’s view.

Jongin can hear the people leaving as he changes back into his comfort clothes. He waits until the chattering moves out into the street before he steps back out from behind the screen and freezes.

The man who had been staring at Jongin is still there. He is facing the altar, so Jongin can only see his broad back, the sword wrapped in white cloth, and the

long tresses of black hair that cascade down to his waist. Now that the man is standing, Jongin realizes that he is quite tall, even though his head is bowed.

As Jongin watches, the man places something on the altar and turns around.

Jongin jumps, a little embarrassed at having been caught spying, but it’s too late to try and hide. The man sees him too and pauses. Then, the corners of his eyes crinkle a little and he nods his head in a greeting. Without a word, he sweeps out of the temple, black robes billowing around his ankles like smoke.

Jongin blinks at the doorway for a moment, wondering if that person is someone he has met before. Remembering that the man had left something behind, he turns to look at the altar, and for a moment, he thinks that the splotch of orange is a hallucination. However, as Jongin approaches and reaches out to touch the petals, he knows the smoothness between his fingers is very real.

He lets go, and the fire lily bobs in a friendly greeting. Lord Heavenly Fire is still here.

Dear Love _____________________________________________ Dear Kyungsoo.

I’m writing a letter to you, I know it’s kinda old-fashioned, but I like it when people in books write letters, so I’m giving it a try. By the time you read this, it’s probably our wedding anniversary, maybe your birthday or something. I thought of saving this because it was cute, which reminds me…

Tomorrow is our wedding!!!

Well, it’s technically today since it’s already like three in the morning. I can’t sleep because I’m so excited, I’m excited to see you tomorrow all dressed up, and I’m excited about getting married.

But if I tell you a secret, I’m even more excited about what comes after that, about you having my last name, about having wedding anniversaries, maybe a family even, a dog too, unless you prefer a cat then we can have a cat, they’re cute too. I’m excited about growing old together and showing up to work with a sweater you did for me and having the secretaries ask me where I got it from so I can say you made it. They already know, but they will ask me because they know I like to talk about you. I’ll be an old man then; I guess I can get away with it.

I look forward to sitting in our living room and watching scary movies together. Our hearts will be weak by then, but we live dangerously. I’m excited to be able to tell you that I love you every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep, if I forget to say it out loud I’m sorry, I’m saying it in my mind either way.

Somehow, I can still remember the day we met so clearly. You were so flustered when I asked you out in the middle of the cafeteria, in front of everybody. You looked at me in shock because we had never talked before.

But I knew… I knew you were the one.

Imagine my surprise when you said yes.

I’m grateful I have the chance to make you happy, I promise I’ll do my best.

Oh, I think you just woke up, so I’ll wrap it up before you scold me and notice what I’m doing.

I love you, thanks for loving me back.

Jongin. *.*.*.*

Dear Soo, Guess what, it’s been an entire year since we got married.

AN ENTIRE YEAR. Isn’t that crazy?

A year of happiness.

A year of love.

The best year I thought I could ever have.

I have your anniversary surprise ready, and I’m excited. I think I should reflect on the past year, but not a lot has changed. You showed me how to use the washing machine; I had a lot of your food this year, and you still scold me for not eating my vegetables. I’m sorry to give you a hard time, but I just really don’t like them.

We’ve been working hard, and I think you’re happy, which makes me happy too. Of course, not every day is great, but you make it all worth it. I think I’m the happiest I’ve been, at least compared to the time before I met you, and I love you more today than yesterday, I’ll remember to tell you later too.

I hope we have more exceptional years like this one, where I can learn even more stuff from you, and I get over my hate for broccoli. Thanks for putting up with me, even when I can’t cook very well and don’t know how to do laundry, and I’m sure I barely let you breathe when we sleep because I’m all over you. I know you’ll help me become a better person.

I love you, thanks for loving me back.

Jongin. *.*.*.*

Dear Soo, Today isn’t an important date. It’s Sunday, just a regular Sunday, but I figured I should document the not so important days too because I don’t love you only on the important days. We didn’t do much today, I’ve been reading and watching a Netflix series all day. You went out with Baekhyun and Jongdae, you guys are helping Dae since he’s getting married to Minseok hyung soon.

As I told you, I was reading today and as I closed the book; I noticed it had my name and your name. It confused me because it’s an old book and I can’t remember if the book was yours or mine before getting married. Then I thought, it doesn’t matter because now it’s ours.

That made me think about everything we have, that is not just mine or yours, everything is ours. I knew that when we got married, but I don’t think I really knew, you know. My studio isn’t my studio, it’s our studio, the apartment is our apartment.

My heart is not only my heart, but it also became ours when we got married.

That made me happy because I realized I belong not only to myself anymore, I belong to you too, and that means that I won’t be alone, ever!

I know I make it sound like I just discovered the cure for cancer or something.

You probably knew this long ago, but this made me so happy. I felt so much love I wanted to hug you, but you’re not here so I’m writing this letter. I’ll make sure to tell you when you arrive, you always smile when I hug you out of nowhere.

I love you, thanks for loving me back.

Jongin. *.*.*.*

Dear Kyungsoo, I’m writing to you from under the stairs, I’m playing hide and seek with Daehyun, and he always forgets to check this spot, so he ends up looking for me for too long until you help him. It hasn’t been long since Daehyun joined us, and

everything has changed for the better. I am happy when I play with him; and you look happy when you make dinner and he eats all of your food happily, except maybe his vegetables. He pouts so cutely when you scold him.

I’m just glad it’s not me you’re scolding.

It’s so crazy how he picks up on the smallest things, being so little. Daehyun has so much energy, and it’s so nice to hear him laugh, he’s very affectionate in his way. He was playing in his room, and he heard me saying I was going into the studio to paint, and he just walked out and held my hand. He looked so ready to go with me anywhere.

He’s so cute!

It took us a while to adjust to having a little one with us, but I think we made it.

He sometimes climbs our bed when he has nightmares or there is a storm. I feel thrilled when he does that. I think I sound like my mom, but I don’t want him to grow up.

We’re three now! I never thought we would be three eventually, I always thought about having kids, but it was a distant thought. Like, I’ll get married and I’ll have kids, but having that come true is so weird. A good kind of weird.

I love you with him by the way; I struggle sometimes but you look so ready all the time; I love that about you. Maybe it’s because you had a lot of practice with me. I love how his little eyes light up when he sees you, and you have the same expression when you see him. That means we’re a family.

We’re three! Three!

I’ll stop now, I think Daehyun found you and he’s complaining about not being able to find me. You know my secret spot now, so I have to be quick.

I love you, thanks for loving us back.

Jongin. *.*.*.*

Dear Soo, Have I told you that I love you lately?

I think I have, but I’ll say it again, I love you.

Today we had a fake wedding. Jiwoo was upset watching our wedding video because she wasn’t able to attend so you suggested we do a fake wedding for her. Daehyun was there too. We had a stuffed mouse as the flower mouse and a teddy bear married us (I voiced the teddy bear). Jiwoo was sitting there watching us marry again, and sign a fake contract made by Daehyun, and even when she laughed a lot, I don’t think she’s satisfied.

She’s never satisfied.

Out of the two, I think she’s the one that resembles you the most. The other day you found out she had been taking your kitchen utensils to play in her room.

You said that when you asked her about it, she just said she loved you (I’ll admit she got that from me), but I genuinely think she’ll take after you and be a chef, she just has a spark when she watches you cook. I know because Dae loved to cook with you too, but he never looked so in love like she does.

She’s so cute, I love to hear her giggle loudly when I kiss her cheeks repeatedly, and I love the way she cries when we scold her brother. I never thought I could love this many people so much, we’re four now and that’s even crazier. The good thing about it is that having all these people love you back feels great.

And I know these people will love me forever because I will love them forever too.

We’re four, and my love for you has only increased, even when my heart is divided among so many people, I love you today more than yesterday. I just know we’re going to have to renew vows or something, just so Jiwoo can go to a proper ceremony. She won’t shut up about it until we do.

I swear I’m not looking for excuses to tell you how much I love you in front of other people.

I just want to make that little tornado happy.

Oh, and I love you, thanks for loving us back always and forever.

Jongin.

In Your Arms _____________________________________________ Jongin spins across the dance room once more before ending with both feet shoulder width apart, his chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. The final note of his title track fades out as the song finishes, leaving Jongin the silence that follows, only the harsh sound of his own ragged breathing filling up the space.

He hears a light rapt against the far wall, near the door. Jongin looks up in the mirror, to meet the eyes of none other than Chanyeol. He’s currently leaning against the wall, muscled arms crossed over his broad chest.

“How long have you been standing there, hyung?” Jongin asks, bending down and grabbing his water bottle to take a sip. Chanyeol’s eyes never leave his in the mirror.

“Long enough to know that you should’ve gone to bed, like, two hours ago.”

Chanyeol looks down at his watch. “It’s almost two in the morning, Nini.”

Jongin’s face burns. “I was just—” “Practicing, baby, I know.” Chanyeol pushes off the wall and walks towards Jongin, pulling him into his arms. Jongin feels the exhaustion of the hours of dancing catching up to his body, as he all but falls forward in Chanyeol’s strong grip.

“I h-have to be perfect,” Jongin says quietly, mouth pressed against Chanyeol’s white t-shirt. His own shirt is soaked in his sweat, but Chanyeol seems to pay that no mind.

“You already are,” Chanyeol notes softly, voice turning up at the edges. He runs his hand through Jongin’s hair, crading the back of his head. He scratches his fingers lightly against Jongin’s scalp. “I bet you didn’t even eat yet, did you?”

Jongin buries his face deeper against Chanyeol’s chest, expecting to be scolded, but all that comes out is a tiny exasperated laugh. “Come on,” Chanyeol says softly, “take a warm bath and I’ll cook something for you.”

Jongin merely nods against Chanyeol’s chest. He quickly grabs his phone and his bag off the floor before taking one last look around the practice room before shutting the lights off.

The walk back to the dorms is silent. Jongin finds himself leaning a lot of his weight on Chanyeol’s body to keep himself upright, the soreness of his muscles starting to settle into him. All the months of practice are catching up to him, all the late nights, early mornings, hours and hours in the studio— both dancing and recording—all of it leading up to this. His solo. His debut.

Suddenly, Jongin’s throat feels tight, his breathing coming out in short, harsh pants.

“-ongin? Jongin? Jongin!” Chanyeol’s voice raises up an octave and Jongin shakes himself out of his thoughts. He looks around, realizing he and Chanyeol are already in the dorms, and only the one small lamp by the couch is on.

“What…” Jongin says, breathless.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asks. Jongin nods immediately, even though he isn’t. His mind is racing now, with thoughts of his solo, thoughts of his album, the dance, the songs, the title track—he wonders if it’s enough.

He wonders if the fans will like it.

“They’ll love you,” Chanyeol says, and Jongin looks up at Chanyeol’s face, realizing he must’ve said that last part out loud. “The fans will love the album, because they love you,” he repeats again.

“Hyung,” Jongin’s voice comes out small and tiny. Glass on the precipice of shattering.

“I’ve got you,” Chanyeol says, pulling Jongin into his arms, close to his body.

“You worry so much,” he says, rubbing his hands up and down Jongin’s back, a grounding touch. “But you’re perfect. You really are.”

Jongin stays silent. Mind moving a million miles. He grips his hands around Chanyeol too, holding him back just as much, breathing in Chanyeol’s fresh linen scent.

“Come on,” Chanyeol notes, “You need to shower, and you’ll feel better afterwards.”

“Are you saying I stink?” Jongin says, a short laugh escaping his lips.

Chanyeol snorts. “I think you smell good after dancing,” he says, smirking.

“Reminds me of something else you smell good after doing.”

“You’re gross,” Jongin says, trying his best to hide his laugh. Chanyeol’s little joke does enough to clear his head, allowing him to walk the short distance in their dorm to the shower. He leaves the bathroom door open, stripping off all of his clothes before throwing himself under the warm spray of the shower.

Jongin closes his eyes and lets the water run over him, letting it seep into his skin and down to the bone.

“I’ll leave your clothes here on the sink,” Chanyeol says, and Jongin almost startles at his voice, lost in his own world.

“Could you… could you join me?” Jongin asks softly, the water around himself even louder than his own voice. It’s not like they’ve never showered together before—it’s not like they’ve not been intimate with each other before either, too. But after the exhaustion of today, Jongin feels unusually vulnerable, even to someone like Chanyeol.

“Hmm?” Chanyeol asks, pulling back the curtain. He has a concerned look on his face.

“Wash my hair please,” Jongin asks, voice soft. He looks up to meet Chanyeol’s eyes, who gives him a soft smile.

“Aw, my baby,” Chanyeol says, and Jongin feels the heat rush up to his cheeks.

He watches as Chanyeol slowly divests himself of his own clothes and gets into the shower with him as well.

“Tired?” Chanyeol asks, grabbing the shampoo bottle while Jongin leans against the cool bathroom tiles.

“Sore,” Jongin says softly. It’s true. His body feels like it’s being crushed by a ten ton brick. He just wants to sleep for a whole week, and rest all his sore muscles. But I can’t, Jongin thinks to himself, I still have so much left to prepare.

“I can hear your thoughts all the way out here,” Chanyeol says, taking the shower head and rinsing all the shampoo out of Jongin’s hair. Jongin hums in acknowledgement of Chanyeol’s words, but doesn’t say anything. He lets

Chanyeol finish rinsing the soap down the drain, let’s Chanyeol wash and scrub his body down with his favorite strawberry scented body wash as he just leans against the tiles, thoughts a mess.

It’s not long before Chanyeol shuts the water off, having also taken the time to quickly shower himself as well. He guides Jongin out of the shower and dries him, wrapping him up in a fluffy towel before pulling Jongin towards his bedroom. Jongin goes willingly, eyes blinking slowly. He stifles a yawn behind his hand, and sits on the bed.

Chanyeol moves around him, his own towel secured around his waist, and Jongin takes the time to take in Chanyeol’s sculpted body as he starts to hand Jongin clothes to put on.

Jongin puts his underwear on wordlessly, but makes no move to put on his shirt or his pants.

“Do I need to dress you, you big baby?” Chanyeol jokes. He offers Jongin a warm smile.

“No,” Jongin whines. “But…” “Hmm?” Jongin twists a bit to the side and Chanyeol must see the grimace that crosses over his face, because the smile suddenly drops from his face as his eyes fill with concern.

“Jongin…” Chanyeol says, and reaches out a tentative hand to cup Jongin’s cheek. Jongin leans into the touch, letting the warmth from Chanyeol’s hand ground him.

“Want me to massage your back?”

“Please,” Jongin says. Chanyeol pats his cheek in reply.

“Go lay on your stomach, just let me put on some clothes first.”

Jongin nods in acknowledgement as he eases himself on the bed, laying on his stomach. He presses his head against one of Chanyeol’s pillows, comfortably inhaling the citrusy smell of Chanyeol’s body lotion. Jongin can hear Chanyeol’s shuffling behind him, hear the fabric rustling as Chanyeol probably pulls his sweatpants on. He hears the bedroom door creak open and wonders

where Chanyeol’s gone off too. A part of Jongin wants to get up and follow Chanyeol, but instead, he relaxes against the sheets, closing his eyes.

“Here,” Chanyeol says, gently nudging Jongin awake.

Jongin looks up at Chanyeol, who has a bottle of water in one hand and a plate of sandwiches in the other.

“C’mon, eat first,” Chanyeol says gently, “you can’t sleep on an empty stomach like this.”

Jongin makes himself sit up, wincing slightly as he moves. He takes the proffered food from Chanyeol, hungrily digging into the tuna sandwiches.

“Stop doing that,” Chanyeol says, from where he is seated on the bed next to Jongin.

“Doing what?” Jongin asks around a bite of food.

“Forgetting to take care of yourself.” Chanyeol reaches out and wipes the corner of Jongin’s mouth with a napkin. “I don’t like seeing you struggle.”

“It’s not that bad,” Jongin pushes back, finishing up the food Chanyeol gave him.

Chanyeol merely lifts his eyebrow in response, and that is enough to make Jongin relent.

“Alright,” Jongin admits, “maybe I did go a little overboard.”

“A little?” Chanyeol snorts. He takes the empty plate and places it on the nightstand while Jongin finishes through his bottle of water. He caps the empty water bottle and throws it on the floor before cuddling against Chanyeol’s body.

“You’ll pick that empty water bottle up tomorrow,” Chanyeol says, fake stern.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jongin replies, sliding his body down the bed and curling his head on Chanyeol’s lap.

Chanyeol runs his fingers through Jongin’s hair, lightly scratching at his scalp.

“Hyung,” Jongin whines softly, melting into Chanyeol’s touch like a kitten.

“Junmyeon hyung said you’re not allowed to practice tomorrow,” Chanyeol says, “that you need to rest all day.”

“Hyung’s enlisted,” Jongin says, eyes closing as Chanyeol continues to lazily rake his fingers through Jongin’s hair. The touch grounds Jongin, and keeps his restless mind at bay.

“And?” Chanyeol chuckles, “he’s still the leader.”

“Still nagging me,” Jongin grumbles, and Chanyeol only laughs more.

“I talked to him when I made your food,” Chanyeol continues, “and I agree with him.”

“Nooooo,” Jongin whines. “Hyuuunngggg.”

“C’mon, Nini,” Chanyeol says. He gently extricates himself from under Jongin’s head. Chanyeol moves around on the bed, rolling Jongin over onto his stomach before situating himself behind him.

“I’m too sore for whatever you have in mind,” Jongin says, turning his head to look back at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol just rolls his eyes. “That is not why I rolled you onto your stomach.”

“Some kind of boyfriend you are,” Jongin replies, but there’s no heat to it.

This relationship, this dynamic with Chanyeol, while not entirely new, the title of boyfriend definitely is.

It still makes butterflies in Jongin’s stomach flutter when he refers to Chanyeol by that out loud, even in the confines of their dorm, even behind the four walls of either of their bedrooms.

“I’m the best boyfriend, actually,” Chanyeol grins, and Jongin hears him shuffling through the bedside drawer.

“You work so hard,” Chanyeol says softly, “you deserve to take a break.”

“But—” “Aha!” Chanyeol says, obviously having found whatever he was looking for.

It is not longer after that Jongin can smell the chamomile and lavender massaging oil as Chanyeol starts to pour a generous amount down Jongin’s back.

“Relax,” he continues, and Jongin exhales, trying to let his sore muscles melt into the sheets.

Chanyeol’s touch against him is strong but gentle, as his fingers work up and down the expanse of Jongin’s back. His touch is light against Jongin’s lower back, hips—extra careful around his waist. Jongin pillows his head on the soft sheets, letting out a sigh.

“This feels good,” Jongin says softly, voice low.

“I’m glad,” Chanyeol says, letting out a chuckle from behind.

A lightbulb goes off in Jongin’s head. “You’re bribing me to stay inside tomorrow, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know,” Chanyeol replies, “is it working?”

Jongin snorts, but soon lets out a soft moan as Chanyeol’s fingers skirt along a more tender area of his back.

“See?” he says, “You need to rest up.”

Jongin hmmphs against the pillow. He lets the feeling of Chanyeol’s hands on his body completely wash over him, let’s his mind wander back to the dance studio, the recording booth, the music video film set, the jacket photoshoot, and all at once, Jongin is overcome with a wave of exhaustion once more.

“Fine,” he concedes, “I’ll stay in tomorrow.”

“Good—”

“But don’t tell Junmyeon hyung,” Jongin cuts him off, “I don’t wanna give him the satisfaction.”

Chanyeol snorts. “Of course I won’t.”

Jongin’s relaxes against Chanyeol’s touch even more as they fall into a companionable silence. Chanyeol’s hands on Jongin’s body always feel good, but something about the intimacy of him massaging Jongin’s sore muscles, without any intention of trying to make it go further, tugs at Jongin’s heartstrings. This is why he loves Chanyeol, first and foremost as a best friend, but now, as a lover too.

Hopefully, Jongin thinks, one day he’ll be able to say it to Chanyeol out loud.

He exhales loudly, tiredness falling over his body. Chanyeol’s hands soon leave his skin, but he feels much more relaxed now than he did when Chanyeol

corralled him from the studio an hour ago. Distantly, Jongin can hear the sound of running water, and assumes Chanyeol must be washing his hands.

He goes in and out of consciousness, straddling that state between wakefulness and sleep. Once again there are hands on his body, but this time accompanied by a warm towel, wiping off the excess body oil.

“Th-thank you, hyung,” Jongin says, but his voice sounds slurred even to his own ears.

“Always, Jonginnie,” Chanyeol chuckles, as he joins Jongin in bed. Chanyeol snuggles right up to him and Jongin moves his body in kind, rolling onto his side to allow Chanyeol to hold him from behind. Chanyeol presses a soft kiss to Jongin’s exposed shoulder blade.

“I love you,” Chanyeol says softly, and Jongin wonders if Chanyeol thinks he’s sleeping, if Chanyeol’s sharing his affection as a secret because he too is not ready to voice it out loud.

So Jongin takes the leap of faith, and replies, “I love you, too.”

Chanyeol’s startled chuckle tells Jongin all he needs to know, so he pushes himself back farther into Chanyeol’s embrace.

“Sweet dreams, my love,” Chanyeol says, pulling the blanket over the both of them. He immediately slings his arm around Jongin’s midsection, fingers pressed against Jongin’s tummy.

“Mmmhmm,” Jongin hums, closing his eyes, as he falls asleep in the arms of the man of his dreams.

Outside of the stage, there’s no place else he’d rather be.

the little spice pie _____________________________________________ Halloween is Kim Jongin’s favorite holiday.

As soon as it approaches, the entire world seems to be in a kind of thrill.

Pumpkin is suddenly in everything and he can finally wear his orange sweater with black clothes and not look weird. Halloween is definitely the best part of the year.

He usually spends it with family but due to his studies, he has to spend it alone this year. “It’s okay, mom,” he said through the phone a day earlier, “I’ll just get myself some pumpkin lattes and a few horror movies to watch and call it a day.”

“Don’t eat too much candy,” his mother warned.

He just laughed it off as he knew he would have at least a bowl for himself and a bowl waiting for the trick-or-treating kids. He was prepared.

The first kid comes alone, looking quite cute in a bumblebee costume and Jongin gives him a generous amount of candies. “Go home as soon as it is full,” he warns, “Don’t go too far.”

The kid nods and leaves Jongin with a wide smile on his face.

The second kid comes with his little friends and Jongin offers them a generous amount of candies.

The third kid, however, comes with a man who looks about Jongin’s age, and Jongin has no choice but to laugh awkwardly because damn, he is goodlooking for a wizard. “Your son?” He asks as soon as the kid says his few words.

“Ah, no. Nephew,” the man says with a kittenish smile, “I’m following him for his safety.”

“That’s great,” Jongin comments as he gives some candies to the kid and hands one to the man, “Here is your treat.”

The man chuckles and takes the candy. “Thanks. Drop by the coffee shop down the street. They offer pumpkin latte,” the man says with an inviting smile, “It would be on me.”

“I’ll consider it,” Jongin says shyly, flustered, and waves to the man as they walk away, “Happy Halloween!”

“Happy Halloween,” the man says back as he steps down the stairs.

Jongin keeps on waiting for kids but at the same time, he waits for the man to show up. He waits until the next morning only to give up.

He doesn’t know why he feels disappointed and he tries to go on with his day normally only to notice that nothing seems to feel right.

The weather is off. The assignments drag longer. His friends are boring. He doesn’t know what is happening to him. “Did you fall in love?” Taemin, his best friend, asks him when they talk about it on a group video chat through Zoom.

“What drug are you on?” Jongin yells which makes everyone laugh, “How can I be in love with someone I met yesterday?”

The seven people in the group, excluding Jongin, are laughing, which diverts the conversation toward Taemin and his lab tests.

Jongin feels happy that his friends are no longer pressuring him to make sense of the situation because he can’t do that.

Jongin spends his holiday just fine nonetheless and his return to the university is relatively seamless, minus the assignments. He focuses the best he can but the man in a cheap wizard costume pops into his thoughts from time to time, making Jongin wonder who the man is and whether he swings the way Jongin does.

Jongin wonders if he has a chance of meeting the man if he ever goes to that coffee shop. Mark convinces him to go and buy some lattes, which he does only to find the man behind the counter as a barista.

“Oh, hi,” he says awkwardly and the man blinks at him, “I am the man you recommended a pumpkin latte to on Halloween, remember?”

“Oh, yeah.” The man smiles, offering his signature kitten smile. “You came too late though. We no longer serve it.”

“Oh, too bad. I was so busy with school, I didn’t have time to check it out,” he says with a pout, planning to at least get the man’s number. “Can you make just one exception for me?”

The barista, Jongdae - Jongin makes sure to look at his tag - looks quite embarrassed the second Jongin asks. “I’ll ask my wife if we have any ingredients left.”

Wife?

Jongin feels like someone punched him in the guts and he hurriedly stops the man. “No, no need,” Jongin forces a smile as he speaks, “I don’t want to bother you. I’ll just get an almond milk latte and a normal latte, both to-go.”

He notices how Jongdae seems worried. “I’ll just bother you for nothing. I can wait until next Halloween to get them.”

“Or Christmas. We make them on Christmas, too,” Jongdae offers and Jongin smiles.

“See? I can definitely just wait,” Jongin assures him, “Just an almond latte and a regular lLatte for now, if possible.”

“Sure,” Jongdae says as he starts working on his machine while Jongin sits down, trying to swallow the pain that spreads all over his body.

He feels like an idiot and when he gets his order, after paying and tipping Jongdae, he promises himself to never allow his heart to feel anything for anyone again.

His heart has never betrayed him before that Halloween and he plans to keep it that way.

harvest moon _____________________________________________

A white hyundai is parked on fresh grass still glistening with morning dew. It’s 11am on a sunny August day, one of these days on which your family would go camping and enjoy nature. Jongin’s laying down on one of those foldable chairs and his closed eyes make the perfect movie screen for him to replay his childhood memories on. He can hear the boisterous laughs of his parents, the sound of his sisters playing shuttlecock with cheap wooden rackets that almost have no string tension. Even the smell of the fish he helped catch is more nostalgic than disgusting in his nose nowadays. He feels the rays of sunshine hitting his bare chest, temperature too hot and Jongin confident enough to decide to just ditch the shirt and let it get dirty next to him where he has thrown it on the shore. His legs are still completely dry, but the peaceful sounds of the river stream and the waft of cold air that hits him every now and then tempts him to dip his feet into the water later.

When he opens his eyes, he’s met with a beautiful face. There is another foldable chair right next to his own, so close that there would be absolutely no problems if you decided to hold hands sitting down. In contrast to his own little scattered space, the chair next to him has a towel neatly folded on top of it, as well as a bottle of sunscreen and a can of beer. Kyungsoo’s eyes are filled with curiosity, pearly whites of his eyes popping out but pupils mustering Jongin silently. His hyung delicately touches his bare arm with the tips of his fingers. Jongin notices they’re slightly greasy, probably from the sunscreen.

“Can we set up all the fishing things now?”, he asks. His soft voice is tinted with excitement and Jongin adores how simple things like that make the other enthusiastic like this. Not only does Jongin know how much Kyungsoo enjoys the healing time far away from busy city (and previously also idol) life, he also knows the older newer had the chance to experience activities like these as a

child. All those memories from summer days with his family that Jongin values so much, the sounds that are so familiar to him, sometimes he can’t believe Kyungsoo’s mind is just blank in that aspect. Both of their moms are from Jeolla-do, near the sea, and yet the only taste Kyungsoo has from the province is the taste of his mom’s marinated crab.

Not to speak of, his relationship with his father has always been rather complicated. Jongin doesn’t know if their rocky relationship has started with his father disliking the fact that his son did not have any plans to ever marry a girl, or if he just wasn’t the type to show emotion. All he knows is that Kyungsoo’s father has left some scabs and wounds in his son’s heart that Jongin works hard towards caring for with the premise of hopefully helping him heal one day.

Fishing with his father has always been an activity that has helped them bond, a cliché father-son experience that taught him many life lessons in the same breath. They would only go fishing in the summer, when it was nice and warm in the evening still, because his father worried about his only son catching a cold.

Today is a beautiful day, and the weather forecast predicts equally great weather tomorrow. He wishes he could go fishing with his father one more time too. On a day like today, or tomorrow. Maybe by going on a day vacation with Kyungsoo like this, he can help him heal his own wounds too.

Jongin’s abs flex as he circles his fingers around Kyungsoo’s dainty wrist and uses him to push himself up from the chair. From up close, he smells really nice - like summer. It’s a sweet natural smell, mixed with the rich scent of the sunscreen. He walks the short distance to the car and pulls out a fishing rod, a rod holder, a sensor, a net and some fishing bait. Kyungsoo waits on the shoreline, watching him carry all the utensils. His hair has grown a bit, so the black bangs get tousled by the summer breeze and Jongin can watch him run his hand through his hair cutely, trying to hold it in place.

“So you actually don’t hold the rod in your hands the entire time and wait?”, Kyungsoo asks when Jongin puts down his bags.

“No, no. You stick this holder in the ground and put your fishing rod on there.

The sensor I’m gonna attach will make noise once a fish takes the bait and then we’ll successfully pull it in. That’s the plan.” Kyungsoo nods along and watches Jongin set up everything.

“Have you put on sunscreen yet?” Jongin shakes his head. His skin is pretty robust to the sun, so he tends to forget about protection. Kyungsoo waddles to his chair with his slippers on and fetches the sunscreen. While Jongin is bending down and securing the sensor, gentle hands come to lightly knead his back and spray it with the liquid. Compared to the sizzling August sun, Kyungsoo’s hands are pleasantly warm on his back - like always. It’s a warmth that stems from comfort. He takes his time to rub Jongin’s waist, the drip of his back, the slightly tensed shoulder blades. When he simultaneously does both of Jongin’s arms, he comes to a halt for a moment.

Gripping his upper arms from where he’s standing behind him, Jongin suddenly feels a feathery press of lips against the sturdy backside of his neck. Only a few seconds later, the lingering touch is replaced by another spray of sunscreen.

Jongin turns around, finished with the simple set-up, and cups Kyungsoo’s nape with one of his hands, caressing it with his thumb and giving the other a small smile. He removes his hand and sits down on his chair again.

“Now all we do is wait?”, Kyungsoo cautiously sits down on his chair, arms almost brushing Jongin’s.

“Yes, we can relax now.”, he says and sinks deeper into his chair, “Close your eyes and take a nap, hyung.” Jongin closes his eyes for a few seconds, then peeks one open to check if Kyungsoo’s are closed too and when he has the

peace of mind that the other’s brain is not processing every detail as always, seeing the thick eyelashes sitting atop his eyelids, he can rest as well.

They naturally wake up after some time, birds chirping and calling out for their mates. They drink cans of beer together, just something light, and talk.

Kyungsoo tells him about how he wishes to catch some eel and how he has read up on a delicious soup recipe using it a few days ago. There is no way Jongin can guarantee they will bring a fish home today, especially an eel, but on the other hand Kyungsoo looks like he’s already anticipating the food and Jongin doesn’t want to disappoint him, somehow. After all, this is their first fishing experience together and he wants him to save it in his brain as a good memory. For him personally, this is a good memory already.

Doing something peaceful with someone who is very important to you and taking silly pictures to remember when they’re older. Kyungsoo is not much of a talker, but he’s fond of keeping physical memories just like him.

Jongin also notices how Kyungsoo blooms in nature. The man has always expressed his craving for freedom openly to him. Growing up in a household with expectations burdening him, being free became an integral part of what it meant to be a human being for him. With time, Jongin had to learn to respect that longing for freedom, even if it caused himself harm from time to time.

Seeing him curious and carefree at a river just a short drive away makes Jongin feel at ease. Jongin tends to daydream and forget around his surroundings, but when Kyungsoo is with him, he loves to watch him. While he sits in his chair, bare feet playing with the little stones of the shore underneath him, Kyungsoo sits down on the ground in front of a wild flower bed and takes the stem of the growing flowers between his middle and his ring finger, tugging lightly towards him so he can take a closer look at the petals, their colors and an potential tiny bugs living there. He always makes sure to smell the flowers first before contemplating if he can allow himself to rip off a part of the stem as to make a bouquet.

Jongin watches intently how Kyungsoo inhales deeply, appreciates the scent of nature and ditches the chair Jongin brought out for him in favor of laying down

in the short grass. Jongin doesn’t know if he’s taking a nap in the sunshine or if he’s watching a little ladybug crawl up a blade of grass with his head resting on his arms in front of him. But he seems to be happy, and that’s all that matters for Jongin.

A few hours later, there is a singular long slippery fish in their plastic bucket.

At first, Kyungsoo was appalled by the struggling eel hanging on the hook, looking away as Jongin proceeded to kill it and throw it into the bucket. But Kyungsoo was also a big fan of working with fresh and high quality produce, so the disgust ultimately ebbed into a feeling of anticipation. Back at their plot of land away from the city, Kyungsoo has finally started working on planting vegetable seeds and harvesting his own food. Being autonomous when it comes to food supply has been a dear wish for a long time now, and when Jongin happily helped him create fertile vegetable patches, he was over the moon. They fish a while longer, with different bait and different hook, and decide to keep even the little fish - for their puppies back home. The energetic dogs will surely appreciate the fresh small fish, even though they never complain about their usually premium quality canned food.

Content with their bucket filled halfway by now, Jongin leans back and enjoys the crooning of some 90s Korean hits playing through the bluetooth speaker he brought along. However, from Jongin’s observation, Kyungsoo seems to have other plans. He decides to lean forward on his seat and clasp his rough hands together to watch what the other is doing. Slowly, Kyungsoo is approaching the water, still wearing his Nike slippers. He crouches down to dip his fingers into the water, sploshing it around gently to test the temperature. With his body folding like this, Jongin thinks he looks so tiny that he would fit into his pocket. His neck is craned forwards, looking closely at the water, other hand gripping onto the little pebbles under him to stabilize his body. His glasses are far away, sitting in the glove box of the car since they do nothing but reflect the sunlight for Kyungsoo to not see anything anymore in the blazing sun.

“The water here looks pretty shallow.”, Kyungsoo remarks, eyes still focused on the glistening mild waves in front of him. He stands up and glances at the bucket of fish, “Jongin, do you think there’s any crayfish in here?”

Jongin quirks up an eyebrow. He knows there aren’t any crayfish in here, and even if, the water is not evenly shallow enough for them to look under the rocks where the animals are hiding most of the time. “Why are you asking?”

“I was thinking about the eel I want to prepare today and suddenly I thought about how delicious boiled crayfish would be. What do you think? Should we look for some?”, he says and his wide eyes confirm he’s genuinely intrigued by the idea of catching crayfish.

Jongin takes a moment to think. There is no chance Kyungsoo will be able to catch any since there is nothing, but the thought of him wading into the water and searching intently is very adorable. It would also mean he would actually go into the water, albeit he told Jongin just before their trip that he doesn’t want to get wet today. Coaxing him to go into the water wouldn’t have any harmful consequences for the shorter man and Jongin has always loved pulling pranks on him and lovingly bullying him, so he settles for a confirmation.

“I’m not sure, I mean we originally didn’t come to look for them, but you can give it a try!” He stands up and tiptoes, pretending to overlook the river and gauge it’s depth. He gives a thumbs up and then settles down again with a laugh, “I’m not going to help you though. I’m just gonna watch you, okay?”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes jokingly but then just waddles back to the car to grab a smaller bucket he can take with him into the water. He takes off his slippers, putting them neatly beside each other on the shore, and steps into the water.

With the way his body tenses up when the water reaches his calves, Jongin knows the water is colder than Kyungsoo has expected. At first, Kyungsoo pulls

up his shorts to avoid them touching the water, but once he reaches down and realizes getting them wet is inevitable, he drops the act. Jongin feels happy like this - listening to soothing music while he can watch the man moving cluelessly in the water, bucket in hand and gaze casted downwards. He sees him reaching deep into the water, trying to grasp onto something, feel up the pebbles underneath him, just for his hands to emerge from the water empty. A capricorn like Kyungsoo doesn’t give up easily, though. He has a stubbornness to him that Jongin always resonated with, especially when it comes to work and his work ethic. They matched well from the beginning because both of them were always determined to work hard towards what they wanted. It comes just natural to Jongin that they found each other in the end. That they found each other at the end of every goal, every accomplishment somehow.

When Kyungsoo loses his balance for the first time and plops into the water, Jongin just laughs out loud and almost falls out of his chair seeing the other’s unamused face with wet bangs sticking to his forehead. When he loses balance for the second time, Kyungsoo doesn’t even bother getting back up.

He just sits there in the water, only his body up from his collarbones showing, and mopes. The small bucket floats on the surface, turned at an angle for Jongin to see it’s completely empty. Kyungsoo pouts.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”, he huffs out and flips his hair, tiny droplets escaping. Jongin coos, and sees this as a clue for him to finally intervene. He steps into the water without hesitation, grabs the empty bucket and throws it onto the shore, where it coincidentally lands right next to Kyungsoo’s chair. He proceeds to wade towards Kyungsoo and without any further ado, he crouches down, puts his hands under the other’s legs and back and scoops him up in bridal style. Kyungsoo’s eyes widen and he’s lost for a second with the sudden movement, but he knows that he is safe in Jongin’s arms. For a moment he worries if the weight of his body and soaked clothes are a burden to Jongin, but then a hand creeps up his back and shifts to brush Kyungsoo’s wet bangs out of his eyes. Jongin’s arms are not shaking at all while carrying the older, intense biceps training over the years coming in handy. It only takes one loving smile from Jongin for Kyungsoo’s expression to change from gloomy to cheerful again, his smile scrunching up so that crow’s feet start forming beside his eyes.

Jongin twirls around in the water with his hyung in his arms, and they share a laugh. Jongin takes his time with the short walk from the middle of the river to his own folding chair, where he eventually gently drops off Kyungsoo on.

Jongin grabs the clean folded towel from the chair besides him and faces Kyungsoo. He reaches out one arm to slide over Kyungsoo’s shoulder, then he caresses his dripping chin and cheek.

“There weren’t any crayfish in the water. I just wanted to pull a prank on you.”, Jongin says, trying to sound regretful but the smile gives away that he’s not taking it seriously. He awaits a weak slap on his arm, an eye-roll or a dismissive hiss, but all Kyungsoo does this time is look up at him with big puppy eyes and say:

“Can you please dry my hair for me?”

So cute. Jongin actually feels his cheeks burning up slightly with endearment.

A few hours have passed by now and the sun is still high up in the sky, warming his skin. Which means that Kyungsoo could simply wait for a few minutes and his hair would dry on his own. By now, Jongin knows how to read the other, though, so he figures Kyungsoo just feels like being taken care of right now. He doesn’t hesitate and starts rubbing his scalp with the white towel Kyungsoo brought. When he dries his own hair, he usually rubs it aggressively for a few seconds and that’s all he needs before he goes to bed but he knows that Kyungsoo cares about his hair staying healthy more than he does. So he gently roams the towel over the mop of hair, pausing to watch how Kyungsoo has closed his eyes and sits still.

Just when he’s about to remove the towel, a sparrow decides to settle on Kyungsoo’s hand. Immediately, Kyungsoo makes a shushing noise and tilts his head forward gingerly, inspecting the lithe bird. Stunned, Jongin watches how Kyungsoo brings up his other hand and starts running his pinky over the bird’s light brown feathers, petting the creature. He whispers a small ‘goodbye’ before

reaching out his arm and shaking it slightly for his little animal friend to continue on its journey.

Golden hour begins to strike and their stomachs start grumbling, so they decide to pack up their things and drive home. They’re sitting in the car, ready to leave the tranquil river and wild grass behind, when Jongin puts his hand on Kyungsoo’s thigh instead of starting the engine. Maybe it’s the sun hitting the other’s face in the perfect angle, elevating the deep chocolate color of Kyungsoo’s eyes, but Jongin suddenly feels the urge to tell him something.

“You’re so amazing.”

Kyungsoo ducks his head down and puts his hands up in denial, “No, no.

I’m really not. I should thank you for introducing me to all of this.”

“I mean it!”, Jongin says honestly, “Every living being on this planet adores you. Animals trust you without hesitation. Even they know that you have a pure soul. That’s a rare trait in a human.”

Kyungsoo still feels shy, but decides to look up just to stare into Jongin’s sparkling eyes. They are shaped like the eyes of an elegant feline, irises a deep brown that swallow his pupils. His eyes are so attentive, drawing you in needing no more than a single flutter of short but curled eyelashes. The warmth of those huge but careful hands on his clad thigh seeps into his skin.

The car window is still opened, giving the interior of the car room to breathe as well as to cool down. Jongin’s natural tan is emphasized by the sunlight hitting the windshield, and he glows in gold. If the concept of aura is real, Jongin would definitely glow in a bright yellow tone. His delicate spirituality, his way of viewing the world, his principle of being honest but still so warm and accommodating towards other people. Jongin calls him amazing, says he’s loved by every human being, when

Jongin is so busy giving others love that he doesn’t realize how universally loved he is himself.

“Thank you.”, he says. It’s a short and blunt reply. He’s not good with words, never has been, and that’s what gives two simple words like these a heavy meaning. Kyungsoo reaches out tentatively and puts his own hand atop of the one that’s resting on his thigh, because if he can’t speak, at least he can show what he feels like.

“Let’s drive home.”, Jongin says. He starts the engine and maneuvers them back onto the dirt road. The road is not paved properly, so there are a few humps and holes that rattle the car during the ride. The impact causes the songs on the playlist Kyungsoo has picked out for them to lose connection to the bluetooth radio for a few seconds as they sit in silence, but Jongin’s hand never loses its steadiness and grip on Kyungsoo’s thigh.

He concludes that Jongin is like the tides. Sometimes full of energy, sometimes the personification of silence. Sometimes his temper is a little bit too hot, sometimes he puts up a wall and acts apathetic. But all of him is grounded in the constancy of his values and primal feelings, just like the tides are grounded by the gravity of the moon. Even if Jongin’s mind strays away and they fight, he knows his heart always remains at the right place.

His heart never needs to find back to him, because Jongin loves so deeply that it never went astray.

petrichor _____________________________________________ Sometimes, time comes to a stop.

It takes, ironically, a long time to notice it and only the trained eye can perceive such a sudden halt, seen only in the fluttering of a butterfly’s gorgeous wings.

It’s a moment of adrenaline then, what feels like a gentle pull from the abyss, what is nothing else but a call home.

It comes from the drops hitting the glass windows of the city’s tallest skyscrapers, from the park’s wide assortment of thriving flower bushes and the little creatures living amongst their sheltering leaves, from the smile of a child sitting in their parent’s arms, breathless and happy after an afternoon playing and jumping from puddle to puddle, rain boots covered in mud.

It’s barely there, gone in the blink of an eye, as if never really happened. But it’s brevity doesn’t make it any less real, any less strong. Feels pungent like the smell of the earth after the rain.

Jongin thinks about it then, about the rain that gave him wings long ago.

The first memory that comes to mind is the rustle of a bird’s pale blue feathers, splashing around in a puddle of rainwater. He was born then and the world blossomed with the scent of the humid ground.

Petrichor, he remembers, that’s the name of that beautiful earthy scent, that’s the scent calling him home.

For a fairy can run away from home all the fairy wants but home always calls, always follows.

After all, even in the most modern of cities one finds flowers and rain, rain, rain...

Jongin makes his way through a crowd mindlessly, hitting a stranger or two by accident, human limbs sometimes uncooperative despite the years he has spent

wearing this costume, avoiding the world, running from the storms that call his name in whispers.

He turns when the streets melt into thick jelly, running down like warm honey, when his feet become too heavy to keep on dragging, when the sky falls and the clouds surround him. Then he is no longer human, no longer a pretend creature.

“Why would you run from home?” a familiar voice calls, always gentle, somehow still commanding, still demanding attention and love and a million blessings. “Weren’t you happy with me?”

“I wasn’t” he confesses, dropping the scheme, fake skin melting into rainwater under him, wings flapping gently as he approaches the flowers, petals moving gently in the breeze “I wanted more” Kyungsoo’s voice is as thick as the honey his favourite bees produce, “You could have asked for it” Jongin’s head shakes, resting his little legs in between the largest stems, careful to not break them, “You wouldn’t have given it to me“ “Of course I would have,” the largest rose flutters, bending it’s beautifully thorned stem so the petals brush over the bird’s beak “love gives it all” “I wouldn’t have asked for you to sacrifice it all” Jongin is stubborn in this, that he won’t demand for love to break itself to please his whims.

Kyungsoo’s laugh feels how a field of flowers look, “It’s not a sacrifice if it’s done for love” “Of course it is!” Jongin proclaims, wings flapping indignantly.

“Then it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make,” the flowers whisper, breeze agitated for a moment, then quiet and soothing onve more, “For you and love are home to me, even if I’m not home to you.”

“You are my home,” Jongin assures, beak brushing the stems around him, unwilling to lie to the love he so dearly holds for this fairy of the earth.

“Then let me be with you in this city,” the flower says, petals falling like warm rain over Jongin’s feathers.

The second memory he recalls is of the flowers that grew by the tiny rainwater puddle, of the way their stems gloriously grew, valiantly reaching for the sky above them, buds ready to bloom after the rain that made them be born. Jongin remembers thinking of them as the most beautiful creations in the world.

“Let me grow arms and legs, hands and feet, fingers and toes,” the falling petals whisper, “so I can be with you in this cold bleak world, so we can be one again, my sweet bird.” Jongin shifts, letting the petals puddle around him like water drops would “and if in eons to come you forget how to love me then I’ll be gone, gone like summer rains, and your home will be yours to find once more, no longer attached to our bonded rainwater magic” Fairy folk are creatures not to be trusted with, that’s what the humans always say, but Jongin trusts his fellow fairies like he would trust the kindest of men, with open arms and a gentle smile. His singing voice wants to belch notes of joy, but he is not a bird now, he is walking in his fake skin, pushing through thick crowds with a purpose, heading to the tiny flower shop in a corner of the busy city.

“Good morning, what can I do for you?” a familiar voice asks, always gentle, somehow still commanding.

“What you have always done,” Jongin says, letting his wet raincoat in a hanger by the door, and reaches for the flower shop owner, draped in his cute brown apron, thick framed glasses resting over the bridge of his cute little nose, “Love me, even when I’m not home.”

“Silly bird,” Kyungsoo answers, hugging the taller man, pressing a kiss to his neck that feels like the petals of a sunflower brushing over his skin, “You are always home if we are together.”

invisible string _____________________________________________ Time, curious time, Gave me no compases, gave me no signs, Were there clues I didn’t see?

Hopeless romantic, that’s how Kyungsoo could describe himself as an author.

As a person.

For twenty eight years of his life, he’s been searching for the one who could make him feel butterflies, literally and figuratively. But no matter how many couples were very much in love with his masterpiece, how many soulmates have found their significant others with the help of his theories and stories, he hasn't found his own yet.

However, he knew when he was in college, he felt something very strange when he passed by the yogurt shop after his class. Every hair on his body went up and his heart was beating erratically to the point that he almost couldn’t breathe.

Thinking that it was just due to lack of sleep and over caffeine intake, he immediately went home and tried to calm and relax himself.

It was his mother who first noticed that there was something wrong with him and asking about what had happened.

As he elaborated what he experienced earlier that day, his mother slowly stood up and held him tightly on his shoulders.

“Kyungsoo, my dear son, you have found your soulmate.”

He tried to return to the place where the yogurt shop stands on the coming days but unfortunately, he didn’t feel anything that was similar to what happened before.

That was when he started to eagerly search for his soulmate. __________________________________________

Kyungsoo was starting with his new book and just like what he has done with his previous works, he was looking for a great place to gain inspiration.

He was checking his journal on the places he had jotted down before.

Sometimes, he’s travelling in the countryside or even going to other countries just to finish his piece.

But today, he decided to visit their local park just for a change.

He opened his journal, starting to take note of everything that his mind tells him. The surroundings, the hospital nearby, the clouds, the leaves that were falling, the kids that were running and playing with probably their guardian and a mascot-His heart started to pound whimsically inside his chest, his breathing uneven.

A quite familiar feeling from years ago.

His eyes zeroed out on the girl who was walking alongside with the kids, his hand was holding his chest tightly. He stood up hurriedly from the bench where he was seated, trying to reach for the girl.

As the girl in a flowery blouse crossed the street, Kyungsoo was able to reach her and the children. He was about to tap her shoulders to call her attention, however, he noticed that he was feeling normal again like nothing had happened. In a snap of a finger, every feeling was gone. The excitement flowing into every nerve of his being dissipated.

Another failure.

He turned around, returning to the park with a defeated sigh. He was still holding his chest, checking if there would be something he could feel.

Anything. But there was nothing.

Kyungsoo went back to his journal, writing about another encounter with his possible soulmate. He had searched and searched over the years but he was still

unsuccessful. However, he still felt relieved because at least he’s pretty sure his soulmate is somewhere out there. Somewhere near him, reachable even.

As Kyungsoo continued with taking notes of his ideas, his peripheral vision caught a glimpse of the mascot from earlier. There were no more children nor any park’s visitor around the mascot. Maybe the day’s shift already ended, Kyungsoo assumed.

Before he could even return his focus back to his work, the unusual feeling earlier has recurred, his heart thumping loudly like a drum inside his chest and he was having a hard time breathing, This time, Kyungsoo didn’t waste any more seconds.

He ran as fast as he could, reaching for the mascot, and in no time, he saw himself standing in front of it. The feeling was still there, the electricity throughout his body, the tightening of his chest.

And it was as if his destiny told him what to do next because the moment he reached for the mascot’s head wear in an attempt to reveal its face, the mascot’s hands moved towards his head wear too as he attempted to remove it, their fingers brushing.

Kyungsoo’s stomach churn in all feelings possible - excitement and joy, anxiousness and worry.

They were both successful in removing the head wear, revealing the face of the man inside the bear mascot. And it was only then that Kyungsoo could confirm: love at first sight really does exist.

The man was blessed with gorgeous hazel brown orbs, chocolate hair, and tanned skin. He looked so perfect already in Kyungsoo’s perspective albeit he was sweating too much from his costume.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, staring at each other and absorbing their own presence. He’s pretty much sure the guy felt the same too, judging by how big his eyes were as he stared back at Kyungsoo.

The man smiled at him and it was the first time Kyungsoo had seen such a wonderful pair of lips giving him the sweetest smile.

“It’s you?” The man said, pointing at him. He doesn’t need to explain anything because Kyungsoo knew very well what he was talking about.

Kyungsoo nodded, trying to return the same bright smile the man had given him.

“My name is Kyungsoo.” He said, offering his hand to his newly found soulmate.

He had no idea that the man’s smile could even be brighter than before, it could even lighten up Kyungsoo’s whole day.

The man reached for his hand, long fingers enveloping his short ones, holding him gently.

“I’m Jongin. I think I’m your soulmate.”

Time, mystical time Cutting me open, then healing me fine Were there clues I didn’t see?

Kyungsoo never really dated anyone before because he believed in waiting for his only one. No matter how long it would take, he would wait. And he was not wrong in putting up with his decision. Waiting for Jongin was the best thing he ever did.

Jongin asked him out for their first date a week after to get to know more about each other. Technically, they were strangers but there was a mutual feeling like they’ve known each other for a long time.

They agreed to meet in the park where they first saw each other. It was really a memorable place, probably it would become one of their favorites.

“Hi.” Jongin greeted shyly, his right hand waving while the other hand was hidden inside his side pocket.

“Hi Jongin. Nice to see you again.” Kyungsoo tried to hide the excitement on his face and the blush on his cheeks. Jongin really is perfect especially without the huge bear costume. His height, his torso, everything. Like he was made for Kyungsoo. Like they were really made for each other.

“So where do you want to go?” Kyungsoo asked.

“It depends on what you love to do. You may tell me first your interest then from there, we will decide.” Jongin replied, flashing him his blinding smile.

“I’m a fan of different cuisines. Maybe we could start from there. Let’s go grab some early lunch?”

“That’s the best idea, I’m seriously starving.” Jongin said, chuckling softly as he closed the gap between them, their arms touching.

Kyungsoo thought he just heard the most beautiful laugh in the world. __________________________________________

Their first date was followed by a few more, until the time came where they were seeing each other a lot more often, spending almost everyday together.

Kyungsoo found out that Jongin is a painter who happened to be doing charity work for the children that day when he saw him at the park. It was one of Jongin’s ways of showing gratitude, helping people and especially cheering up adorable little kids. He discovered that the man really loves kids.

“How was your current work doing?” Jongin asked during one of their dates.

They spend most of their time going to places that would help both of them with their crafts. Kyungsoo was really thankful they are almost on the same field. He appreciates every day that Jongin has spent with him.

“It’s good. I’ve done more than enough. And upon checking on my time table, I’m actually ahead, so yeah. It’s really doing great.”

“Can I have a sneak peek? Like a soulmate privilege, maybe?” Jongin jested, displaying his pouty lips and pleading eyes. The look that Kyungsoo would never get tired of looking at.

“You know I won’t let you read it while it’s still in process, Jongin.”

Kyungsoo brushed the man’s cheeks, attempting to erase the whiny look away. “But I promise, you’ll be the first one to read it before I send it to the publishing company.”

“Guess that would work for me.” Jongin reached for the hand on his cheeks then moved it closer to his lips, leaving a soft kiss on the white pale skin.

Kyungsoo’s breath hitched by the action, face warming up. He’s pretty sure his cheeks were now covered in crimson.

They’ve been seeing each other for weeks now and they haven’t done anything yet aside from subtle touches and light brushing of hands. It was the first time he felt Jongin’s lips. They’re not even kissing but Kyungoo felt his heart skyrocketed in pure bliss.

“Does the look on your face means you’re okay with this?” Jongin entwined their fingers, holding him gently, as he waited for Kyungsoo’s answer.

When he didn’t get any word nor action from his soulmate, Jongin slowly let go of his hand, giving him a smile that’s close to a pout.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel comfortable. It’s just that--” “No. I mean, it’s okay.” Kyungoo interrupted and this time, he was the one who reached for Jongin’s hand. “I was just startled a while ago. To be honest, it’s my first time holding someone else’s hand. I mean, I’ve held hand with my friends before but not someone special because we all know that I was waiting for my soulmate so I could--”

There were soft full lips that stopped him from stuttering, firm hands holding him in his position so he won’t stumble and fall.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes, allowing his soulmate to kiss him from the very first time. He couldn’t explain how he felt the moment their lips touched. It was magical, like there were fireworks everywhere even if his eyes were closed. He could hear their hearts beating in the same rhythm, the coldness of the air not present anymore as all he felt was warmth. Happiness.

Love.

Jongin pulled away and Kyungsoo opened his eyes slowly. His soulmate was smiling at him, the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

He felt everything was tightening, his chest, his breathing, the space between them was starting to feel small it almost felt like he was running out of air.

“Kyungsoo, oh my God! I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Jongin held him firmly on his shoulders when he started to gasp for breath, his thumbs drawing comforting circles. “I’m really really sorry. I should’ve known better. I know that your first kiss with me should be special, yet here I am, getting too caught up in this moment.”

It was only after a minute or two when Kyungsoo gave him a smile. It was barely there, but he knows Jongin would feel it.

“No, don’t be sorry. Apologizing would mean you regret kissing me, right?”

“Of course not. Why would I regret kissing you? I’m just afraid you might get uncomfortable.”

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo reached out for the man’s hands, holding them tightly.

“I like it. And I like you. We’re here in the park where we first met, I think there’s nothing more special than this.”

It’s Jongin’s time to blush, his cheeks tainting a darker shade of pink.

“I was really worried because I don’t want to offend you in any way.”

Jongin closed the small gap that was left between them as he kissed Kyungsoo on his forehead once.

“And I like you, too. I like you very much, Kyungsoo.”

Hell was the journey But it brought me heaven Weeks turned into months and both of them decided to stay in the same place.

Living together was more than great with Jongin was on his side who’s always supporting and understanding him.

He was close to finishing his book. Based on his experience in his previous works, this would probably be the fastest time he had written a whole book without having much of a hard time.

They were walking hand in hand in a familiar alley. It was the place where he felt the signs that his soulmate was nearby. He looked at Jongin and noticed that the man was staring at the coffee shop in front of them. Many things have changed over the years, Kyungsoo observed.

“I haven’t told you about this but…” Jongin pointed out the shop before he looked back and stared directly at Kyungsoo’s eyes with his loving gaze.

“That was a yogurt shop before. I was working there when I was in college and that was the first time I felt that my soulmate was there. That you were there.”

“I felt that, too! And after that day, I returned here and waited. Every single day, I was waiting to feel the same feeling again but nothing came. What happened? Why didn’t you return?”

Jongin cupped his cheeks and leaned closer as he rested their foreheads together for a good minute. They were so intimately close and Kyungsoo loved how he felt safe.

“I ran as fast as I could to look for you that day so I left without anyone manning the shop.” Jongin chuckled lively and the sound was music to Kyungsoo’s ears. He would never get tired of listening to his soulmate's voice everyday.

“But then I never found you. When I came back to the store, there was a long queue and the manager was panicking. He asked me to finish my shift before he fired me that very same day.”

Kyungsoo laughed heartily and Jongin joined him as both of them finally learned the history of their very first encounter.

“We could’ve saved more than a decade of time if you didn’t run away.”

“I didn’t know what I was feeling back then. I’m sorry, I just thought I was sick.”

“No baby, no need to be sorry. We have plenty of time left to spend together anyway so no need to apologize.” Jongin kissed him, erasing all his worries and fears away. The man never failed to reassure him how important he is to him. How loved he is.

“Now why don’t we try their coffee while you finish with your work?”

Kyungsoo nodded and smiled, “Coffee sounds great.”

Time, wondrous time Gave me the blues and then purple pink skies And it’s cool, baby with me Kyungsoo was finally able to finish his book, and just like what he had promised Jongin before, he would allow him to be the first one to read it.

It was afternoon and Kyungsoo spent his time in his own workspace inside their apartment while Jongin was staying inside his own, saying he was about to finish a new painting.

As soon as he closed his laptop, Kyungsoo decided to check on what his soulmate was working at.

Jongin’s eyes were pierced on the cloth in front of him, a satisfied smile playing on his lips. Kyungsoo walked slowly towards the man, stopping when he reached the front of him. He tried his best not to peek at Jongin’s work at first.

“I guess you’re done.”

Jongin nodded and turned his attention to him. “How about you? Have you finished your book?”

“Yes I did. And I was thinking that maybe I could let you read it tonight. And I want to get your honest opinion.”

“Of course, baby. I would be honored. Now come here.” Jongin gestured to him to come closer, tapping his thighs so Kyungsoo could sit on top of him.

The man really loves cuddles and Kyungsoo is not the one to complain about that.

He does what he was told to, sitting on Jongin’s lap while the man was holding him firmly so he won’t fall. Jongin’s chin was resting on his shoulders.

“I want you to see my work, too.” Jongin tilted the easel, revealing his beautiful masterpiece.

Kyungsoo was left in awe as he slowly absorbed his lover’s work. It was unfamiliar yet he felt he had seen it before. That he had felt it before.

It was an image of a young man in a colorful uniform standing behind the counter of a familiar yogurt shop. In front of him was another man, Kyungsoo assumed it must be him, who’s facing the yogurt shop’s staff. Aside from the store’s detailed surroundings, there are no other people inside.

He turned to Jongin who was already smiling at him as bright as ever.

“If what I’m assuming is right, that’s us from years ago, right?”

The man simply nodded and kissed him on his shoulders. He pulled Kyungsoo even closer, his hands tightened as he cocooned him in a warm and loving hug.

“That was how we were supposed to start. We were both young and naive and if you would ask me, the me in the past can’t handle even a tiny mess. I guess we would fail if we started that time.”

Kyungsoo held the back of Jongin’s hand, rubbing and giving him comfort. “I, myself, won’t probably be ready either. Maybe everything happened for a reason that’s why they call it destiny.”

Jongin chuckled. “You want to know something about the day we first met at the park?”

“Of course I do. If it’s about you, I would always love to hear it.”

“I am claustrophobic. But that day, someone told me that I should conquer my fear. Then I thought, one of the easiest ways to do it is to wear a costume. It’s like hitting two birds with one stone. I was able to conquer my fear and at the same time, made the children laugh.”

“But were you really able to overcome it?” Kyungsoo asked sincerely.

Jongin allowed him to finally stand so they could face each other, the man holding both of his hands.

“Honestly, no.” Jongin sighed lightly. “But when I felt that my soulmate was around, it was like I could finally breathe inside that enclosed and tiny space. I was able to see light. I don’t know what happened but even if my heart was beating too fast, I felt comforted. Then I saw you standing in front of me. That day, I told myself that no matter what happened, I will never let you go again.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes started to water. Jongin noticed it and stood up immediately, enveloping him inside his strong arms, reassuring and comforting as always.

“I don’t want to see you cry because of me, baby. I probably won’t forgive myself.”

“But these are happy tears Jongin. You don’t know much I’ve waited for this day to come.”

“We, baby. We both wanted to be with each other.” Jongin closed the gap between them, cupping his face as he leaned closer. “And we can work this out, yeah? I promise I will be good to you. To us.”

“Me too. I promise.”

Jongin kissed him on his lips, and just like every time, Kyungsoo felt like there was magic. There were colors everywhere. There were sounds lulling him into comfort. He was more than happy.

He was finally contented.

“I love you.” Jongin said in his soft and honey voice making Kyungsoo’s stomach churn in utter bliss.

His eyes were wide as he stared back at the hazel orbs of Jongin, seeing nothing but affection for him.

Kyungsoo tiptoed as he reached for his boyfriend’s lips, leaving a warm chaste kiss.

“I love you too. So much.” __________________________________________

“So what do you think?” Kyungsoo asked when Jongin finally closed the laptop.

They were seated beside each other on their bed, Jongin reading his work while Kyungsoo was nervously waiting for his feedback.

“I’ve read your previous works and I can say that this one is my personal favorite.”

Kyungsoo felt relieved hearing those words from Jongin.

“I can feel how comfortable and happy you were while writing this.”

“I’m glad I could make the readers feel that.”

Jongin patted the top of his head, complementing. “You did a great job, baby.

I can’t wait for everyone to read this marvelous feat.”

“I’m really glad you liked it because finally, after writing stories about everyone and their soulmates, I was able to finish mine. Our very own story.

It did take us a long time but at least we're here now.”

Jongin nodded as he smiled, the happiness reaching his eyes. “I am really happy we’re finally together, Kyungsoo. You don’t know how glad I am to have you in my life.”

“You are worth the wait, Jongin. And even in our next lifetimes, I will always patiently wait for you.”

Isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some invisible string Tying you to me?

breathe through me _____________________________________________ Jongin isn’t sure how it happened, but suddenly he finds himself sitting on Kyungsoo’s bed with the man perched on his lap. Their faces are close enough that he can feel the other boy’s warm breath wash over his face like a soft touch, and he briefly wonders which one of them is breathing heavily as it is the only sound that bounces off the walls in the otherwise quiet room.

The galaxy light illuminates and fills the entire space, surrounding them with calm waves of ever-changing hues; from purple to green to red, and lastly, blue. Occasionally, it would hit Kyungsoo’s face at just the right angle, making him look even more ethereal than he normally does. The fairy lights that are laid out precariously around the frame of the bed makes him feel like he’s in a dream.

With Kyungsoo this close to him, he thinks that he might really be in a dream.

He can’t find himself to look away, not that he can if he wants to. Kyungsoo’s hands are gripping him by the jaw, holding him in place.

“Kyungsoo… I… you know you don’t have to? I was just asking, really,” he speaks up, hesitating, and his stomach twists when Kyungsoo’s fingers reach up to caress his cheek. The touch is cool yet hot at the same time, and he would’ve flinched away if it wasn’t for Kyungsoo’s hand keeping him still.

His cheeks flush when the boy’s fingers start playing with his ear, pushing his hair back.

Kyungsoo’s glossy lips form a cute pout; a simple action that renders him speechless and leaves him a little breathless each time.

“Well you asked me how it feels like to wear lipstick, so I’ll show you.”

The boy reaches behind him and fishes a glittery pouch, dumping it heavily within the small gap of space between their bodies.

“What colour?” Kyungsoo asks, unzipping the pouch and rummaging through it.

“Huh?”

“Lipstick.”

He watches, blinking dumbly, as the boy fishes out a few tubes of lipstick from what he assumes to be a hecking pile of them; consisting of different variations of brand and colour. He’s not sure what colour they may be, but he does know for a fact that he has never tried any of them. Considered? Yes, but actually worn? Never. He has two sisters who use their pocket money on makeup but he never asked. They would probably be weirded out if he did.

“Oh. Uhh, your call?”

“Let’s try nude then. We’ll save the bold colours for later,” Kyungsoo decides, and gives him an odd look followed by a cheeky wink. The corners of his lips quirk up, and their cute heart shape finally makes its appearance, much to Jongin’s delight. “This brownish nude shade would look very pretty on you I think, or well, enhance what you already have.” He flushes at the subtle compliment.

“Chin up, pretty boy.” The boy continues, grinning when he turns red again.

Jongin can hear the deafening pound of his heart in his ears. It feels like it’s about to burst out of his ribcage when Kyungsoo presses his thumb against his lower lip gently.

“They’re quite chapped. You should invest in some lip balm after this,” quips Kyungsoo, letting go of his lip to unclasp the lipstick.

He looks down and away, blushing.

It can’t be helped. If he isn’t cooped up in the library or study rooms that blast the air-conditioners 24/7, he’s out and running around under the blazing hot weather. The inter-college football tournament is nearing soon; as a freshman, he has a lot to prove. A lot to show. Not just to his teammates and coach.

He goes cross-eyed when he sees Kyungsoo coming closer. He wishes that the boy had turned on some music, so that it would have drowned out the sound of

his heart beating, which he hopes is not loud enough for him to hear. He feels Kyungsoo’s breath on him, and while his head ponders if the boy is as nervous as he does.

If he pushes forward the same time Kyungsoo pulls in, he knows that the lipstick would not be the only thing that his lips will taste.

The feeling of the lipstick on his bottom lip is foreign at first, and rather than focusing on the new but not unwelcomed presence, he finds himself staring at Kyungsoo instead. How his face remains serene and demure, yet his bottom lip is stuck between his teeth and there is a slight furrow in his eyebrows, perhaps in concentration, as he tries to apply the makeup product on his lips, careful as ever.

Jongin doesn’t have it within him to look away.

Kyungsoo reaches up to swipe the lipstick across his upper lip while his other hand stays on his jaw, thumb rubbing on the skin that makes his neck feel hot.

“Mmkay. Now rub your lips together,” says Kyungsoo, voice slightly highpitched, as he leans back, eyes wide and twinkling as they stare at his lips, and his jaw slacked. When the light shines on his face, Jongin notices how his cheeks are tinted red. “You’re so pretty. Look even better than me.”

He shakes his head.

“That’s not true,” he pauses, avoiding Kyungsoo’s eyes. “You… you’re gorgeous, Kyungsoo, and I’m just…”

“Utterly beautiful? Exactly.” Kyungsoo cuts him off. “C’mere, I’ll show you.”

The man moves off his lap—he didn’t even realize how long he had been sitting there, it felt so familiar and normal and so right—and grabs his hand, guiding him to the full-length mirror placed against the wall. The shorter boy goes down, pulling him along, and he finds himself staring at his own reflection.

Kyungsoo’s right. The shade does look good on him.

“See how good you look? How captivating you are? And I only applied lipstick. Imagine if you had a full face of makeup on,” the boy murmurs, voice full of promise and something else that he can’t quite decipher.

Kyungsoo’s sitting behind him on his knees. His arms are wrapped around his shoulder, hugging him from behind and snuggling into his neck. The boy has always been the touchy sort, always wanting to touch and stay close whenever they’re hanging together, but this is the first time they have ever done anything like this.

It’s unlike what he had ever imagined.

It’s much, much better.

He continues to look at himself, unconsciously puckering his lips and rubbing them together. His lips are one of his best features, if he can say so himself.

His sisters used to joke around and tease him for being the only sibling with the face structure and features that look good with various makeup products on, and he has never believed them until now.

Belatedly he realizes that Kyungsoo has put on the same colour too, except his is slightly glossier and glittery, the sheen glimmering prettily every time it’s hit by the light.

“I adore you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo cuts the silence, sighing softly, like he’s relieved to get that off his chest. His voice is slightly muffled as he proceeds to hide his face in his shoulder. His ears are red like the rest of his head, from his face down to his neck. “You should know that I always have.”

“And I adore just as much,” he replies bashfully, turning his head to the side to look at Kyungsoo but is greeted by the sight of his fluffy curls instead. He leans into it, enjoying the sweet scent of the man’s shampoo. His palms are sweating now, but they hold onto Kyungsoo’s arm in a tight grip, not wanting to let go. He licks his lip again, feeling the tackiness from the lipstick that was applied previously.

Kyungsoo’s head whips up at that.

“Then why have you never noticed?” he asks, crinkling his nose.

“Notice what?”

“That I like you.” It’s Kyungsoo who’s blushing red now. “The entire time… I keep dropping hints, but you never, like, I don’t know, reacted?”

He feels dizzy at the unexpected confession, and for a brief moment, he begins to wonder once more if he’s dreaming.

But suddenly Kyungsoo is leaning close, and nudging his cheek with his nose, moving in but not exactly pressing.

“How do you feel about me?” The boy inquiries, and there’s a slight hesitancy in the way he moves back, ever so slightly, that makes his heart twist uncomfortably.

He reaches forward to brush a strand of hair that falls over Kyungsoo’s forehead.

“It’s the same for me, Kyungsoo,” he mutters, looking at the other with a serious expression.

And then Kyungsoo smiles, bright and breathtaking, and his heart twists once more, though this time it’s followed by warmth and relief.

He’s not sure who moves first but all of a sudden, they’re kissing. Slow and unrushed, tooth-rotting sweet, which is different than what he’d always imagined kissing a boy would be, but today truly has been a day full of surprises and newfound discoveries.

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo says when they pull away, blushing furiously. He can’t help the snort that escapes his nose, earning a pout from the boy.

He leans forward and kisses it away.

Kyungsoo releases a small mewl in happiness, which makes him giggle into the kiss, and is about to climb onto his lap when the door slams open. They both jump back from the sound, looking up at the intruder in surprise.

“Hey, are y’all done with the assignment? Dinner is ready,” shouts Kyungsoo’s brother, looking at them, eyebrows raised. “Mom said that you should join too, J…” He clears his throat, and squeaks out, “Jongin.”

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo’s brother repeats, more to himself, nose wrinkling. The resemblance to Kyungsoo is uncanny, and it makes him smile inwardly.

The man shoves his hand down his pocket and pulls something out, tossing it to him.

It’s a pack of tissues.

“Might want to wipe that off before coming down.” He mutters, bemused, gesturing at his mouth before turning around and closing the door shut behind him.

Kyungsoo chokes out a laugh and falls back onto the floor while he remains rooted, blushing heavily all the while slowly glancing at the mirror. His eyes widen in mortification.

His lipstick is all smudged.

-