DAD ZONE
We can do this. It’s “natural” right? People do this every day. concerted effort not to catch my eye as I attempted a confident smile, which probably looked more like I had just undergone a lobotomy. I don’t know if the pain factor is different for mums who are left to their own bodily devices, but I had to watch the love of my life scream and An eon later I was allowed to enter the theatre and sit next to Phenomown bodily devices, but I had to watch the love of my life scream and A-Mum’s head, hiding behind a big blue sheet that shielded me from crumple up in agony again and again and again. Phenom-A-Mum had the terrors of blood and guts that were about to unfold. I grasped been given a chemical to induce her contractions and they seemed to go Phenom-A-Mum’s hand, likely taking more comfort from her than she into overdrive. Hollywood has much to answer for with their lies, from my could from me, and listened as the surgeons got down to business, experience now. Women don’t lean forward slightly, fake scream and muttering about her enormous bladder, oblivious or uncaring that we curse you as they do in the movies, as if they were suffering from a bout could hear every word. (Seriously. Hilarious!). She began shaking of food poisoning. In the real world they are forced into a foetus position, uncontrollably, an actual side-effect of the anaesthetic which I every muscle taut, calling out to you in pain. Then there is a momentary remembered from our first cesarean experience, and I held my breath. lull where all of the pain disappears, tricking you into breathing again, “Whatever kind of greater power is out there, though I don’t believe in before coming back with an angry stabbing vengeance. Labour is a you, please bring my wife and baby safely out of this. My son needs sadistic bugger. his mum so much more than he needs his dad”. A desperate man calls I held her hand. I rubbed her back. I said stupid things like “Breathe” out silently when all other methods of control have been extinguished. and “You’re doing great”. I did nothing of any use whatsoever What’s left when there is nothing you can do to fix the situation? When because no matter how hard I tried there was nothing I could actually even Indiana Jones would be left, impotent, unable to whip any Nazis do to make her feel better. I did make a bloody good leaning post into line to solve this conundrum. Just hold her hand and think insanely though; whether she was standing, lying, sitting or rocking on the positive thoughts. birthing ball I could be counted on to be leant against. Yep, that’s what “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” I brought to this critical moment in parental companionship. Only a Holy crap-oly, it’s out. The baby’s alive... and they are a ginormous wooden plank could have done any better. pair of testicles! Must be a boy! And just like that (imagine me clicking To all of you soon-to-be-dads out there I loudly suggest that you my fingers here) all of the fear and panic was gone. I was guided out look into birthing techniques like Lamaze, the Bradley Method or of the theatre as they stitched Phenom-A-Mum back up and asked if I Hypnobirthing (not at all as hippie or pocket-watch-y as it sounds) that wanted some skin-to-skin time. Really? With his dad? Cool, that would will give you tools to use when you are completely out of your depth. be awesome. So I hauled off my scrub top and snuggled a nuddy bub I wish that we’d looked into this. Hell, there are even online videos so against my man-boobs. And it was amazing. that you can learn it all from your lounge room! He was so light and so smooth, I could barely sense his weight but Amidst the wife-torture I noticed concerned looks on the faces of was overwhelmed by the feeling of his touch. We sat there, together, our midwives whenever they glanced at the read-out from the baby getting to know each other without words. I recommend that every dad monitor. Our bub’s heart rate was dropping further with each passing asks for this opportunity that is usually reserved for mums because it minute, so the surgeons made the call that it was time to move to option is magical and memorable, and may have attributed to the fact that I two - cesarean surgery. Phenom-A-Mum jokes now that we could’ve am the only one who can rock him to sleep, holding Little L in the same skipped all of the crazy pain and just gone straight into surgery at position that we found in our silent introduction. the beginning because we ended up there anyway, but I don’t laugh Our family became four in number and I could breathe again. because I seriously wish we had. My apologies if this recount seems overly negative and terrified. I don’t I changed into scrubs and stood to the side as a number of efficient want to put anyone off but, rather, to make sure that every soon-to-be people sorted Phenom-A-Mum out and whisked her down to the dad (even those for the second time) are better prepared than I was. operating theatre. The anaesthetist offhandedly chatted to us about Expect that it won’t be easy, search for ways to help your partner and the vaguely possible side-effects of a spinal block (the technique used make it a more wonderful experience for you both. I’ve heard that to stop the pain during this surgery), one of which was paralysis. You childbirth can be a spectacular and positive experience. The onus is on what? Paralysis? That’s not a side-effect, that’s freakin’ scary! Who you fellas. There’s no need to be as scared as I was. put my wife in the firing line for life in a wheelchair, just because we decided to have a child? It was this or nothing. That bub had to come out because both mum and baby were now at risk. I was ushered into an anteroom to wait as David Hawkins is a Mornington Peninsula based stay-at-home dad who realised that he needed to improve his Dadding. So he set himself the simple the surgical prep work was done. Randomly, this was the worst part task of being an Awesome Dad. He now challenges all dads to be Awesome of the entire ordeal. I just sat there on a lonely and misplaced chair Dads by doing something out of the ordinary with their kids every month, via amidst complicated-looking medical equipment, a drowning moron his blog at bigkidlittlekid.net in an alien world, as someone else took the fate of my family into their hands. Staff members hurried back and forth past me, making www.peninsulakids.com.au
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