life like any boy would. I was lucky to have the ability to live authentically as a kid. I could wear and do what made me happy. I did experience some “generational friction” at times but on the most part I could just be. I would have the biggest tantrum if I was required to wear a dress or wear make up, it would always end in tears. As I grew older and throughout my teenage years I did experiment with different gender expressions but never felt comfortable.
TRANSITION OF A LIFETIME By Melissa Walsh
A
shtyn Watkins-Shaw grew up on the Mornington Peninsula, loves cooking and has worked as a chef all over Australia. After a lifetime experiencing periods of anxiety and depression, Ashtyn realised through self discovery that he has gender dysphoria. Born a female, now transitioned to living as a male, he talks to Peninsula Essence about the epiphany that changed his life. Where did you grow up and what was life like for you as a kid? I am peninsula born and bred. I grew up on the peninsula in St Andrews, Rye and then moved to Mt Martha. My Mum passed away when I was young, so there were some trialing times when I was growing up. I was surrounded by love and nurture and I still am to this day. I decided I needed to separate from my family's grief and moved to Noosa, Queensland when I was 17 and started my career as a chef. Tell us about your journey to realizing you had gender dysphoria? Was it something you felt as a kid as well? I look back now at my life as a kid and I was always one of the boys. I rode my bike, played sports, lego and enjoyed
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22 | PENINSULA
September 2017
When did you first put a name to what you were experiencing? It was April last year that I recognised I needed some professional help to end the cycle of anxiety and depression. This wasn’t my first attempt at this, but I wanted to try once more. The process started with seeking help from a GP and completing a mental health care plan. It was through my own list of pros and cons that I put down gender Identity as a possible discussion point. I would watch videos about mindset, movement and holistic living. It was a random video that made me explore the idea, which lead to more questions to my then psychologist. Through my own research, I learnt the various forms of gender identity and gender expression along the spectrum, which is very separate to sexuality. I learnt that sexual orientation and gender identity are two very different things. As soon the words gender dysphoria were mentioned, it was like a “light bulb moment.” Did you accept having gender dysphoria immediately after having that epiphany? It was good to have a name for what I was experiencing. To accept it completely is a hard question. Having gender dysphoria, your acceptance changes from day to day. As I get further along in my medical transition it becomes easier. Like anything as you learn more about yourself, you learn ways to cope. You gather tools and support; just like you would with anxiety or depression. My gender dysphoria has become just another part of me; I don’t fight against it. Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t. I am at peace with knowing. What have you learnt about Gender Dysphoria now? I have learnt that there are no boxes. There are no labels or expectations on how one should be or live. My learning is on-going and it isn’t something you can put into words. I have learnt not to judge and to be more open minded, love and nurture others for who they are. It has moved from something I knew nothing about, to something I live with daily. The human mind is a wonderful and amazing place. What is the process for you now? The process now is to live as authentically as I can. To feel comfortable being me. The peninsula has no resources for gender dysphoria for my age bracket, so it was through my own determination and drive that I found the Northside Clinic in Fitzroy. My first psychologist only knew so much before I had to explore more options. There isn’t much