free in the hearts of the trees
a collection of writings/photos by facesoap
“im going to ny soon” was the first txt jamie sent kayla in two weeks. he laughed his head off at the thought of her responding at all or even at the thought of “have fun!” to the point it rolled in the streets and hit a perfectly packaged steak. he liked this feeling. he liked the feeling of the angels wings on his back. he laid on the floor and flew away. he said hi to his friends in florida and texas. he flew to california and fought a bear and kissed someone he talked to on the phone once. their conversation was cut short prematurely by his friend saying they had a weird voice. jamie felt depressed for two weeks after that. he remembered a time they talked on omegle and felt better. they emailed a few months later and talked about thanksgiving. on a day alone there was sweat on jamies body from walking two hours in ninety three degree weather. he bought two books by his third favorite author from a barnes and noble and drank from a water fountain. when he bought yogurt he txtd his mom and asked her to “stay cool”. the books were read on the way to ny while ignoring txts and listening to a short playlist of songs including “just a dog” by big moe which was set to repeat for about thirty minutes at one point. miley cyrus was nice and jamie would end up kissing her neck and holding her. he pushed his friend as he talked about white privilege. miley cyrus helped him from falling down the stairs. he txtd kayla. she had work at six or seven and went to sleep. “i would take care of your kid if you had one” is something jamie said to his friend. miley cyrus said nice things. he txtd richard. he would be seeing him soon and told him he loved kayla. he also told everyone in a ten mile radius this and to a fence a ladder and the bars on the window. he called kayla and told this to her but he also had a crush on richard and didnt tell anyone. jamie sent snapchats of richard to kayla and told her about the things he did such as: super smash bros. brawl maybe being sick and watching dinosaurs in its entirety. the series finale of dinosaurs made him want to cry. he thought about the mating dance often and laughed because he wanted to do it with kayla. he told kayla he wished we were all puppet dinosaurs but she didnt like that idea. kayla hates of montreal but jamie just started to warm up to them. soon he was out about one hundred twenty dollars but had a bus tickets to virginia and one back. there was regret from the moment an email with a megabus conformation number arrived but it was fine because kayla had txtd him multiple times something along the lines of “yes i do want to see you”. jamie still found himself reaching in his pockets often and counting what he had left. “im sitting next to an old white man” jamie txtd. kayla told jamie how she saw a man fall down the stairs before she got in her car at work. they switched drivers and jamie txtd kayla “i think im gonna be a little late”. she stayed up to pick jamie up from the megabus stop very late at night. jamie blogged about it but deleted it nearly immediately. he drank diamond water and tried to not look at kayla. before going to sleep jamie thought about pac man being in the new super smash bros. the two got brunch downtown and jamie got something vegan. they laughed about the man that fell down the stairs last night and walked around the university campus. kayla talked about doing ecstasy and making out with someone on a roof when she was sixteen. jamie had never done ecstasy and now he wanted to. jamie wanted to kiss strangers on rooftops like he was sixteen but jamies not sixteen and hadnt been for a while. jamie imagined what his life would be like if he did drugs more than twice before meeting kayla. he thought about doing acid or codeine with her and asking her to kiss on the roof and act like they were sixteen. they made a joint runescape account under kaylas email. on the roof of a church jamie thought about jumping off and then laughing about his ankle being broken. there was a skunk under
the street lights and jamie asked if they could bring it home. kayla walked away from jamie and he was scared enough even to have a slight anxiety attack. kaylas family invited them to go to a lake. jamie was born in water and of water and also didnt know his own strength at all that day when he broke several things. jamie felt bad and kayla gave him a tattoo while they sipped wine. kayla got a tattoo from someone else. kayla looked dead laying there while she got the hand of god on her. jamie liked how dead she looked. she couldnt even enjoy the tattoo she was getting now that she was dead. now that kayla was dead jamie didnt have anything to do in this town. jamie said he would hang out with the skunk. kayla died and jamie listened to post rock. still dead kayla went to work and jamie cooked with kaylas living mother. jamie said into his phone “can mulberries get you high� and the results were positive. jamie thought of other ways they could get high and said those into his phone. jamie asked kayla if they could get high off nutmeg and mulberries at the same time but kayla didnt want to. kayla said theyd throw up from all the mulberries theyd have to eat to feel anything but jamie ate a bunch anyways and felt nothing. he found the ripe ones were enjoyable. jamie took pictures of kayla with corn and balloons on his cell phone and posted them to his side blog. jamie was always taking pictures of kayla on his cell phone but these ones got him notes. kaylas brother had a birthday and jamie ate cake. lactose intolerance wasnt something he ever brought up to kayla before and she was reasonably upset at this. in the side of a mountain jamie felt a cool breeze and water dripped on him and he felt alive. kayla loved the hand of god and asked jamie to play the hand of god for her. jamie found princes purple rain on tape and wanted to buy it but didnt think kayla would want to listen to it. kayla and jamie sat in the front yard of her grandparents on a throw and huffed computer duster. jamie said it felt like being drunk. jamie took more pictures of kayla but with own her camera. he didnt know what she wanted and had shaky hands. jamie felt he disappointed kayla with his lack of artistic direction. kayla cried at the fireworks that night and jamie wished they would have gotten cough syrup instead of computer duster earlier. he knew theyd both still be high and neither of them would be crying. jamie laughed in the guest room by himself and thought about stealing the ps2 that lay in the closet. he needed one still. he still needed to beat persona 4. he still needed to play final fantasy x again.
ive been swimming since before i could walk and i was born in a bathtub in the water right out the womb returning to my birthplace i sit and soak i went to the nicest lake in virgina and fell in love w/ water in a way that far surpassed any love i had before
blog posts of august: im about to eat four corn dogs i didnt even know i had *dies a beautiful and radiant death* ive had several dreams about snoop dogg and three about 50 cent before i have a baby mitten on my hand a big yellow sign with two arrows pointing down and the word guns perfectly centered in all caps
we started drinking water more then….. all of us did and it was nice. we did it out of love for ourselves for once…… it was a rare thing in that time to try and find love in ourselves. looking into our bodies underneath the pasty skin upon which others commented about how we should “just go outside and more get more sun” there was a changing in how each nerve came to feel the love of others. the days of frustrated twisting of our hair and threateningly permanent alcohol burned throats that we were accustomed to were pushed out by this river of water. suddenly we found it safer to open our eyes and even crawled from our bombproof basements and visited our neighbors during the days. we learned their names and about their pets and how long the parents have been together (or how long ago they split up) and a few found out there were other jazz musicians in the world decided to start a little trio for fun. the water created security for us….. but we were still so scared. we were scared of being heartbroken….. of friends forgetting our parties….. of crashing our cars while our neighbors little baby sat in the backseat….. of those from other towns who would bring drugs into our neighborhoods….. but most of all what if the water ran out??
im wrapped in a field of flowers and bursting from the bloom ive become greater than any mountain. soon you will see me and the things i can do and be fearful of my beauty. as you should be. i can no longer be blamed on the breaths youve withheld for far far too long. for i am singing to the water and i am free in the hearts of the trees. as you should be.
in black curls are gardens of lemon mint water snapchatters send seductive photos a large white “nsfw” over them twisting their forms over rocks to shy away from a sun that gave them guilt and when theyre asked on how to remove it “lemon mint water” i guess solves most of our problems
the dolphin wakes up at 1 pm and watches 3 videos on youtube w/ insight to legend of zelda that theyve never had before. stirring their oatmeal the dolphin trips and has to wash their only pair of all white clothes. tidal by fiona apple is playing at the loudest level the dolphins fragile ears can bear. they take a shower and when the dolphin gets out they notice they received a snapchat from their friend in delaware. the dolphin hears the rodents in the roof and knocks their fin against it. the dolphin put a big hole in the roof and jumps through it. here are rodents mostly squirrels and beavers getting high like theyre 15 years old. one tells the dolphin to suck a dick and the dolphin says ok. they might be 15 years old thought the dolphin. the dolphin doesnt realize there are rodents that are 15 but there are rodents that arent 15 and most arent. the dolphin joined in and smoked w/ them and felt 15. the rodents had a small pool that felt good against the summer heat surrounding it. one of the beavers looked at the dolphin w/ loving eyes but the dolphin was too high to look back. two days later they go on a date and the dolphin acts like theyre 15 again. the dolphin is willing to be 15 to be w/ the beaver. the dolphin says theyre 15 and wants to be w/ the beaver while laying in the beavers bed. the dolphin is planning on swimming very far away probably to a place that no one in their part of the sea has ever spent a considerable amount of time in and this comforts the dolphin several days later when they think of how suicidal theyve become again. three months later a squirrel they met is throwing rocks at their glass. they ran away after they locked themselves in the bathroom and their dad yelled at them. the dolphin let the squirrel stay the night and watched a documentary on people who treat their sex dolls like theyre real people while the squirrel slept. this squirrel tells the dolphin they deserve to die and they believe them for 15 months. the dolphin is tired of rodents and meets a bear that has nice sharp and pretty claws. the bear is vegan and eats vegan bread and brings the dolphin almond milk. the bear tears at the dolphins skin w/ its nice sharp and pretty claws most of the time and when its not its apologizing for it. the dolphin stops drinking for their health but they dont play the drums anymore either. the dolphin is falling into a terrible depression but then finds a new type of rodent theyve never met before. this rodent is a capybara and is very rare and precious to the dolphin b/c theyve never met one before and now they want to meet a capybara. they meet many capybaras and the dolphin thinks they belong with these capybara. the capybaras tell the dolphin many things about life that they never knew before and the dolphin is grateful. the dolphin takes the capybaras advice and is no longer fed up w/ life. the dolphin wishes to thank all the capybaras in the world. the dolphin is happy again and back to watching legend of zelda lets plays.
the most important thing ive heard was “when u say things u give them life” looking at the other ppl on the train in a strange town i thought “if i told them i was lonely theyd leave”
facesoap is a blogger @ http://facesoap.tumblr.com/. they were born in 1995 and live in tx. they want to be ur friend and u can email them @ leftuninspired@gmail.com.