ages + stages Getting kids to do their (other) homework continued from page 39 Some daily, some monthly. In Osborn’s family,
competition. Heck, even “gross” can be fun. I once put “toilets” on the list, thinking I’d be the one to do them, and both my 4- and 7-year-old wanted in on the toilet brush. (I had to supervise very closely.)
everyone drew lots once a month for the really grimy tasks, and whoever drew the short straw had that task for the month. The kids were always allowed to trade chores outright, which, he says, helped them with their negotiation skills.
You don’t need a chore chart. There are
lots of chore charts and apps out there with reward systems. If they work for you, I don’t think anyone’s going to tell you that you’re doing something wrong. (The goal is to do the chores, right? Plus, Osborn notes, allowance for out-of-the-norm chores can help with the older set as they begin to learn about money.) Still, both DeGaetano and Osborn advise caution with external motivation. As they point out, adults fulfill tasks without compensation every day. It’s the sense of responsibility that drives us, not the reward.
Pay attention to what your child gravitates toward. One child may be
great at making her bed, while the other prefers getting food ready for the next day’s lunch box. One of Osborn’s sons really liked food shopping when he was younger; now he has his license, and Osborn can text him the list.
And here are a few other ideas for the younger set: Keep the directions simple. Take it slowly. Let your kids master one skill at a time. Remember that if not everything has a designated place to go, the directions “put away your toys” may not be so simple. (I have learned this the hard way.)
Talk about the results.
Keep it up
Narrate what you’re doing. This might feel silly, but this practice can help a child recognize the small steps that add up to a completed task as well as help to convey how you feel about the end result. (“When we put the Legos away, the floor is clear, so no one will step on them and hurt their feet. That makes me happy!”)
AGES 6–10
Use “if/then” statements. In the jargon
what they think needs to get done and what they want to contribute. If they’ve had a hand in choosing the task, they are far more likely to complete it. I admit I had to hold my tongue when my daughter suggested the chore “put art on the walls.” I almost said, “Nice try — that’s not a chore,” but I looked up at our empty walls and realized it was a good idea. Will she get to do that every week? No. But it got her interested.
of early childhood education, this is called “priming” — you’re giving your kids a heads-up. If you notice, for instance, that it’s nearing time for a library trip but your child has made a mess, you might say, “If we want to go to the library, then we’ll need to start putting these things away.” Time it. For younger children with shorter
attention spans, don’t assign tasks that take hours. Keep it short and sweet. 40 • May 2017 • parentmap.com
The “huddle.” Both Osborn and DeGaetano
advocate a weekly family meeting. Osborn’s family used these meetings to divvy up the chores and to reflect: How did that go? Would I do it differently? Is there another way? Give your children autonomy. Ask them
My good friend and neighbor Hue Ho, a middle school science teacher and mom of two children, likes to make sure her children know how they’ve helped. “I’ll tell them, ‘Because you helped, we have 15 minutes free to read together.’” She also reminds them that they clean up to “make space,” which means more space to play. The chore becomes a win-win. Meeting “la résistance.” Let’s be realistic
here. There will be pushback. DeGaetano suggests backing off if a child resists. See what else they might want to do. If we think more long term, the process becomes less about the power play and more about encouraging the habit. “We want to help the child feel autonomy, ownership and responsibility,” she says. “We want them to find their sense of self — that’s the North Star.” n Jessica Murphy Moo is a writer, editor and teacher based in Seattle.