✼ First Year
Decoding Baby’s Temperament Serious, funny, passionate — what kind of baby do you have? By Meg Zwiebeck
Question: How can you tell if a baby is happy? Our baby Josh is 6-months old. He seems quite alert and intelligent. Sometimes I worry that he doesn’t seem as happy as other babies I’ve seen. He often has a very serious expression on his face. His grandmother thinks he’s grumpy, even though she’s seen him laugh, just not with her. He needs time and a little bit of playfulness before he warms up. Is there anything we can do to make him more cheerful?
Answer: Isn’t it funny how until you become a parent you don’t really notice how different one baby is from another? A year ago, you may have thought that most babies looked at least somewhat alike. Now, if you walked into a room of 20 babies you would be able to spot Josh immediately, right? That’s because the more you tune into your own baby’s unique characteristics — the curve of his cheek, the cowlick, the way he holds his head — the more you see him for himself. Sometimes, of course, a parent might notice a differences between her own baby and another and wonder, “Is my baby okay?” And sometimes, a parent might also entertain the idea that what is unique about her baby may be a sign that that there is something to worry about. It is natural to wonder if a baby’s usual expression is a clue to his inner feelings, and then to wonder if that is something that might be a problem. Babies don’t all look like the round jolly-faced cherubs we see in advertisements. In fact, some babies, just like some adults, seem to be naturally serious in just the way you are describing Josh. They reserve their smiles and laughter for times when they are really amused. If you see a smile you know that they’re absolutely delighted, and a laugh means that something is really, really funny. A serious baby like Josh may not give parents or grandparents the kind of instant feedback that a more
16
Boston Parents Paper | May/June 2017
cheerful or outgoing baby delivers with every interaction. Parents of a serious child sometimes worry that they are doing something wrong or that their child isn’t responding to them. We tend to think that if a baby isn’t smiling he isn’t noticing (or appreciating) what we say or do. But some babies show their interest by watching and listening, and the signs that they are engaged are subtle — eyes widening, tracking conversations, turning to hear a parents’ voice or moving up and down when you sing to them. As you start to tune into Josh’s unique way of relating to you and the world you’ll be better able to understand who he is as a person and describe him to others. You’ll become more aware of what is pleasing to him without waiting for a smile to let you know if he is happy or amused. Look for the cues that tell you when he’s in a good mood or he is enjoying the way you are playing with him. Does he lean forward when he’s interested? Does he wiggle his toes or wave his hands when you bring out a toy he likes? How does he let you know when he wants to eat, and how does he let you know if he likes what you’ve offered him? If Josh is not happy — fussy or fretful — how does he let you know the way he wants to be soothed? Does he quiet gradually or can you distract him by giving him something to capture his attention?
Different Temperaments Some babies have temperamental characteristics that can make them more puzzling for adults to figure out. Josh’s serious expression is just one example. Temperament is a child’s behavioral style that seems to be inborn. This style is as much a part of your child as the color of his eyes. There are other styles of infant temperament that can be challenging: The “non-cuddly” active baby: Some babies prefer to move around rather than be held. They may seem to stiffen a little when you hold them close. A baby who acts