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Guest Opinion
Teens learn/teach a great lesson: giving the gift of self by Carrie Manley ometimes just when you think you’ve seen the sweetest thing ever, life surprises you with something more. Just before Veterans Day last fall, I visited the Palo Alto VA Hospital Spinal Cord Injury unit to ask some of the veterans what small presents might they like for the holiday. Their modest requests included a bag of shrimp chips, several steak dinners and fresh flowers for loyal, loving wives. Generous donations from Nature’s Alley floral shop and the Fish Market restaurant made it easy to satisfy these wishes. However, when Veterans Day arrived, and it was nearly time for deliveries, there was still one veteran I kept thinking about, Mr. Matthews. During the wish-collecting visit, he and his wife had mentioned his long, deeply fulfilling career as a football coach. Lying in his hospital bed, Coach Matthews’ eyes had lit up as he recalled decades helping high school and Stanford players, in partnership with Cardinal legend Bill Walsh. Clearly, Coach Matthews had loved it all! Fourth and long, I made a last-minute call to Kori Shaw, a wonderful mom I had known at my kids’ old elementary school, and the wife of current Stanford football coach, David Shaw. I quickly explained the situation, and within minutes, Kori had gra-
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ciously arranged for her husband to write a personal note to Coach Matthews. On my way to the VA for the deliveries, I swung by Stanford, where Coach Shaw’s assistant Callie Seidman was already kindly waiting for me outside, to save me time. She handed me the personal letter and a Stanford cap freshly autographed by Coach Shaw. It’s hard to put into words how happy these seemingly small tokens made Coach Matthews and his lovely wife, Rita. They beamed reading Coach Shaw’s note. When I left the room, Coach Matthews was proudly wearing his new red hat in bed. I thought it was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen. I later got a note from Mrs. Matthews saying how much the gifts and Coach Shaw’s thoughtfulness had brightened her husband’s spirits, especially in the face of on-going medical hardship. In February, I returned with Paly Senior Alex Chamberlain, and twins Millie and Max, age 6, from Walter Hays Elementary. Together, we handed out Valentine’s Day candy and carnations from Nature’s Alley. Millie and Max also gave the gift of singing “Let It Go” from the movie, “Frozen.” From room to room, they talked with each veteran, giving flowers, sweets and song. When it was time to go, I don’t know why, but I felt a sudden urge to go back and check a room that we had somehow missed. There, tucked in bed was Coach Matthews, with his wife close by. I rushed back for Alex, Millie and Max. We gave Mrs. Matthews a two-sided sheet with all the lyrics to follow along. Then, Millie and Max began to sing: “Let it go, let it go, don’t hold it back anymore. Let it go, let it go.” Two little kids singing their hearts out, what could be sweeter than that?
Later I returned to the hospital, this time with one girl and nine boys from JLS Middle School, seventh and eighth graders who wanted to help injured and sick veterans. They were some of the more than 100 JLS students taking part in an afterschool “Spread the Kindness” community service day. While my group volunteered at the VA, other students mulched trees, visited seniors, made blankets for rescue dogs waiting for adoption and much more. But before we even arrived, I was impressed by these teens. Not one of them started texting or listening to music. Nobody asked if he or she could sample the donated and tempting Rip Van Wafel cookies intended for the veterans; instead they focused on the vets, wanting to know what gifts they liked the best. I shared a lesson that now-retired VA recreational therapist Tom McCarthy had taught me: “The treats help give us a reason to walk in, but the real gift you give is yourself. Your visit is what the veterans appreciate the most.” We soon found some of the paralyzed veterans were in rooms marked “Isolation.” Our helpful VA guide, Scott Francis, explained only one or two volunteers could enter, wearing hospital gowns and gloves to minimize any risk of spreading germs. Often walking into any hospital room can feel intimidating. You don’t know what you might see. You don’t want to violate someone’s privacy. You don’t know how the patient — a stranger — might be feeling and might react. It requires a leap of faith and hope every time. So faced with “Isolation” signs, how did these young teens react? Every one of them wanted to suit up and go in — to meet someone they didn’t know, yet
someone they cared about. From the doorway, I watched as they quietly approached each bed, offering gifts, smiles and kind words of encouragement. A few minutes after one bedside visit, a veteran, battling Lou Gehrig’s disease, who had come out of surgery only hours before, softly whispered to me, “Please tell them, I am so glad they came. Please thank them for me.” Our last room brought one last surprise: Coach Matthews and his wife. With permission from our guide, this time all the students entered, and soon Coach was asking each of them about favorite sports and hobbies. I got so carried away by the wonder of it all that I told everyone about our last visit, when Millie and Max sang “Let It Go.” To my amazement, Mrs. Matthews pulled out the lyrics sheet that she had saved, and one of the students said “We can sing it too!” And that’s when nine boys and one girl together stood tall and sang, each of them willing to “let it go” to bring joy to a man who had served his country, and spent his entire civilian career serving youth: “Let it go, let it go … the past is in the past … here I stand, and here I’ll stay, let the storm rage on … the cold never bothered me any way.” At this point, I don’t know what in the world will happen the next time I go to the VA, but for now, I just want to say thanks to each child and teen, for so willingly giving of yourselves, whether it’s at the VA hospital, or at a senior center, or at a school, or really anywhere you are needed, including your own neighborhood. Each of you is a precious and beautiful gift to the world, truly the sweetest thing ever. N Carrie Manley is a Palo Alto resident and parent.
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