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INDIGO
Gone somewhere exotic? travel@palatinate.org.uk
Friday 13 February 2009 palatinate.org.uk
TRAVEL
Slumdog millionaire? Inspired by the hit film to go see India? Clare Radcliffe gives us the insider’s tips on how to experience the real thing
T
HE FILM CURRENTLY sweeping the big-bucks competition in awards season encapsulates the extraordinary country that is India. Home to 200 million cows and the unforgivable ‘Delhi Belly’, if you missed it first time around, then you should take another gap year. >>>India is a country overflowing with binary metaphors, it is a contradiction. Indians have a reputation for being obsessed with cleanliness whilst many of them work in streets overflowing with refuse due to the chronic lack of dustbin men. In fact the problem is so bad that not long ago there was an outbreak of the pneumonic plague. >>>Though the rubbish and grinding poverty makes the opulence, architecture and the Mughal history even more affecting, potential travellers are often put off by the begging and suffering that they expect to see. The most frequently asked question about the country is how do you deal with the poverty? Mark Tully, the foreign correspondent in Delhi, has the answer in the truism; ‘I don’t have to cope with the poverty; the poor have to cope with the poverty.’ A.A. Gill adds that ‘the poverty is what you and I go to see.’ >>>This may seem controversial, but certainly life in the slums of Mumbai is a fascinating topic to those in the west. However, simultaneously many are eager not to get too close. According to Danny Boyle, the director of the celebrated film, Mercedes Benz asked that its logos be removed in scenes taking place in the slums. Apparently the company did not want to be associated with the poverty stricken areas, fearing for its image. >>>Exiting the airport in Mumbai can be a devastating experience if you are not prepared. The mosquitoes will bite, the beggars will press close and sweat patches will start as they mean to go on. With your rucksack on, your first task is to negotiate
yourself the services of a tuk tuk driver. But then you realise that tuk tuks can only go as far as the slums of Mumbai. To get to Colaba - number one destination for most travellers - you must change to a taxi. >>>You will of course be ripped off, but if you are so worried about the poverty then you shouldn’t mind paying the rickshaw driver more than a resident would. Once you reach Colaba, “The Sea Shore Hotel” will offer you its services for 600 rps. a night, and a cosy communal loo with shower head attached (bring your own loo roll...).
“a cosy communal loo with shower head attached (bring your own loo roll...)”
>>>Give yourself time to adjust to the humidity with a sandwich at Leopold’s cafe before taking a walk down Colaba Causeway. Here you will find all sorts of odds and ends: peacock feathers, bangles, marijuana... Appreciate the newly desiccated Taj Hotel and the Gateway to India - it’s from here that the British departed and now we stand around gawping at it or catching a ferry to the Elephanta Caves. Make sure you make it to the Mahalaxmi Dhobi - enough items of clothing have been washed there to dress every man, woman and eunuch resident in Mumbai. >>>To get from Mumbai to your next port of call the transport options are endless, from hitching a ride in a elaborately decorated TA-TA truck with a man who definitely thinks
you are Australian to a plane that looks like it flew in the second world war. Every car, rickshaw and camel has “horn please” plastered on its rear, this is indicative of the drivers’ mentality. Every taxi journey could be your last and it isn’t very reassuring to know that every other driver has the ethereal air bag of reincarnation to keep them safe. Bear in mind that the buses don’t stop – bring an empty bottle. >>>However, without doubt the most interesting experience can be had if you depart from the Chhatrapati Shivaji train Terminus. Be warned that the “Ladies Only” carriages are honey pots for the pervy man. You are more than likely to wake up with someone else’s bottom on your pillow beside your head. However, the A/C carriages provide cleanish sheets and the service is far more efficient than the journey most of us have taken from Durham to Kings Cross with the food being only slightly less appetising. >>>After Mumbai your next stop should be Udaipur where hopefully a rather grumpy train guard will pull on your toe to announce the train’s arrival. Without doubt this is the most beautiful city in India. Known as ‘the city of lakes’, it is the setting for Octopussy and home to an awful lot of Indians claiming to have been an extra in the film. It is where I had my most awkward moment in the five months I was in India. An oversight in my packing caused me to devote a good couple of hours to searching for a pharmacy in the city. >>>At one point in Slumdog Millionaire, Jamal utters the phrase: ‘When somebody asks me a question, I give them the answer.’ Well, when I asked if they had any Tampax, two proprietors proudly produced a small and ancient tub of marmite and said ‘Temples, ya we got thousands of temples...and marmite also’. >>>Jaiselmer is not too far (Indian
distances allowing) from Udaipur and is the camel capital of the universe. Every man, woman and camel will try and sell you a camel safari. If you want to have a go at haggling, our top tip is start at a tenth of the price they do. Incidentally if they ask you if you want to trot... say NO. >>>The sandstone fort is an alternative for the faint hearted. But should the worst happen on the camel safari and you are forced to venture into an Indian hospital you might find another gap year tragedy, such as my friend Ollie, performing surgery. He made the grievous error of claiming to be a medical student to gain prestige after he received disappointing looks in response to his politics and history degree. He still claims he can remove a hernia.
“should the worst happen on the camel safari and you are forced to venture into an Indian hospital, you might find another gap year tragedy”
>>>If you do need to go to hospital, try and get to Jaipur first. The whole city was painted pink for the arrival of Prince Charles in the seventies. Famous for its gems, but more importantly its ability to cripple your innards, take the elephant ride up to the terrific fort in the morning before your stomach explodes. >>>Next on the list is Agra. When Jamal sees the Taj Mahal for the first
ELIZABETH FUNG
time he says ‘Is this heaven...What is it? Some hotel?’ Remember, Agra is also home to the Red Fort, a visit to which is covered by your ticket to the Taj Mahal. Pose like Princess Diana and remember that it is one of the only public monuments built solely for love, Shahjahan’s tomb for his beloved wife. Although the details of the story mean it isn’t as romantic as it sounds. She was his second wife and she died in childbirth. Then one of her sons killed all his brothers, and locked old Shahjahan up in a castle till he died. But for the rest of his days he got perhaps the best, most heart-rending view of his wonderful white tomb. >>>Delhi is the obvious place to depart from as it would be a more horrifying location to arrive at than Mumbai. In Connaught Place you will find perhaps the biggest clash of cultures in all of India. Prada shops sit next to shoe shiners. Beware those canny individuals who look as though they are straight out of Dracula, it isn’t blood in their mouths, it’s betel juice a tobacco. This is a profession Jamal and his brother take up for a while. If you think your shoes are clean, even if you are in fact wearing flip flops, think again, as whilst one offers to clean the other will place a large turd on your shoe. Beside the Red Fort, Qutab Minar and the Jama Masjid, possibly the most exciting attraction of Delhi is the chicken burgers at the three MacDonalds within a hundred metres. By the time you get to Delhi you will be craving them. >>>India may have joined the MacDonalds revolution but if we measure the wealth of a country in terms of the things that really matter – family, manners, spirituality, generosity, culture, history and food – India is limitless. So much of the film has a sensationally unreal quality about it. >>>A visit to the country itself will leave you with this feeling too, so why not go to India and experience it for yourself?