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The Voice of Ohio’s GLBT and Ally Community
The Love & Marriage Issue
february 2014 vol 18 • issue 9
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What we are waiting for: the physique finals are on Feb 28.
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A staycation is tough when it’s zero degrees in Ohio.
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With the Phantom, the voices and that Mennen commercial in my mind, it’s getting kind of crowded.
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Let’s hear it for Team Columbus! Sign up today to play or participate!
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vol 18 • #9
the love & marriage issue 6
you are here
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snapshot
qmunity
gay games: events small pond: cray
the other side: black history month feature: engagement/ wedding announcements
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feature: Ohio Statehouse anti-gay wedding policy feature: jon theiss’s wedding tips
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feature: marriage equality map
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feature: marriage equality talking points
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feature:politicians’ positions
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feature: same-sex divorce
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GLBT wedding vendor guide
you are here
PUBLISHER Christopher Hayes
This month’s Love and Marriage Issue is just On Page 20, Eli Johnson has a story about as much about families as it is about couples. how the Ohio Statehouse, open for weddings and wedding receptions since 2007, won’t Look through the wedding and engagement rent space for celebrations of gay and lesbian announcements we invited readers all over couples’ nuptials. The self-described “Peothe state to share. (They start on Page 18.) ple’s House,” it turns out, only welcomes some Fathers are walking their daughters down the people. aisle. Receptions are full of family and friends. Moms and dads are announcing the I’m so proud that outlook is the first to report happy news. this story, and I think it’s one you’re going to be hearing more about in the coming days These aren’t gay weddings. They’re weddings. and weeks. Just like Ohio’s decade-old constitutional ban on marriage equality, the StateAnd like it or not, Gov. John Kasich and Ohio house policy is a mean-spirited rule whose Attorney General Mike DeWine, they’re going to days are numbered. take place in Ohio sooner rather than later. What makes me so certain about that? Look Aww, darn it, we wanted to keep politics out of through those wedding and engagement anthis issue - weird thing for a magazine that nouncements. Every one of those happy couused to declare “Everything is Political,” ples has loving families and supportive right? - but there I go. friends who’ve raised a glass, wiped away a tear and gift-wrapped a two-piece chip and Sadly, though, some people see sweet photos dip set from Crate & Barrel. of two men or two women in love and want to rip them in two - literally when it comes to the And those of us still searching have people in photo itself and figuratively when it comes to our lives who are hoping just as fervently that making sure gay and lesbian couples can’t we find Mr. or Ms. Right. Talk to my mom enjoy the same right to marry as the guy on about that, especially if you’re a nice Italian The Bachelor. boy.
the mario & debbie show
(Speaking of sweet photos, that’s recently engaged André Thompson and Garrett Tucci on this month’s cover, in a shot captured by outlook’s Emma Parker. The couple who live in Columbus’s Short North Arts District plan to marry in June 2015 and are among those whose announcements appear inside.)
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deep inside hollywood
So in addition to the love side of love and mar- bvitale@outlookmedia.com riage, we just couldn’t ignore the political. At @Bob_Vitale least not yet.
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faith: the new pope
complete the circuit creative class: cartoon library
interview: wade davis i ♥ the nightlife: karaoke
out & about
outlook blog squad puzzling
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Our March issue is on film. Well, it’s on paper, as always, but it’s about film.
We’ll take a look at everyone’s all-time favorites, though: the ones that made history, won acclaim or just became cult classics.
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Ellen’s hosting the Oscars, and outlook’s going to the movies!
savage love
the divine life
february 2014
Love conquers all. Bob Vitale Editor-in-Chief
NEXT MONTH: film
As you know, all LGBT people are obligated to watch all LGBT-themed movies, no matter how sappy, silly or badly acted. It’s in the fine print you received when coming out.
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We’re not fighting alone. And we’re not fighting uphill anymore.
We’ll also give you an advance look at the Cleveland International Film Festival, slated for March 19-30. With northeastern Ohio getting ready to host the Gay Games in August, the 38th annual film festival is planning a special focus on LGBT film and filmmakers.
HEADQUARTERS Outlook Media, Inc. 815 N High St, Bsmt Ste G, Columbus, OH 43215 614.268.8525 phone / 614.261.8200 fax SALES Chad Frye / cfrye@outlookmedia.com Alexis Perrone / aperrone@outlookmedia.com NATIONAL ADVERTISING Rivendell Media - 212.242.6863 ADVERTISING DEADLINES Reservations by the 15th of each month. Art in by the 20th. EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Bob Vitale / bvitale@outlookmedia.com MANAGING EDITOR Erin McCalla / emccalla@outlookmedia.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Abel Araya, James Blackmon, Brooke Cartus, Debe, Joseph Gentilini, Eli Johnson, Erin McCalla, Tom Muzyka, Mario Pinardi, Romeo San Vicente, Dan Savage, Kristen Spicker, Jon Theiss, Debbie Van Bommel, Bob Vitale, Mickey Weems ART DIRECTOR Christopher Hayes /chayes@outlookmedia.com CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS / DESIGNERS Chris Hayes, Megan W Photography, Emma Parker, Tim Simeone, Andrew Williams COVER PHOTO: André & Garrett by Emma Parker CYBERSPACE http://www.outlookohio.com http://www.outlookmedia.com http://www.networkcolumbus.com http://twitter.com/outlookcolumbus http://facebook.com/outlookcolumbus outlook is published and distributed by Outlook Media, Inc. the first day of each month throughout Ohio. outlook is a free publication provided solely for the use of our readers. Any person who willfully or knowingly obtains or exerts unauthorized control over more than 5 copies of any issue of outlook columbus with the intent to prevent other individuals from reading it shall be considered guilty of the crime of theft. Violators will be prosecuted. The views expressed in outlook are those of the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or personal, business, or professional practices of Outlook Media, Inc. or its staff, ownership, or management. outlook does not guarantee the accuracy, completeness or reliability of any interpretation, advice, opinion, or view presented. Outlook Media, Inc. does not investigate or accept responsibility for claims made in any advertisement. Outlook Media, Inc. assumes no responsibility for claims arising in connection with products and services advertised herein, nor for the content of, or reply to, any advertisement. All material is copyrighted ©2014 by Outlook Media, Inc. All rights reserved.
puzzling solution - puzzle on pg 54
And back here in Columbus, Editor Bob Vitale has pledged to watch every LGBT movie, documentary and TV series in his Netflix queue. See you in March!
DAILY CONTENT: outlookohio.com Tell us your favorite LGBT movie on outlook’s Facebook page.
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Help fight poverty in Central Ohio. Give to the United Way!xxx
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HRC Gala Kickoff 1/10/14 @ Bar Louie
Pride Night: OSU Men’s Hockey 1/11/14 @ The Schott
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Have event photos you want to see in print? Send to art@outlookmedia.com.
Studio Movie Grill Opening 1/13/14 @ Arena Grand
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Let’s kick off March Madness early with OSU’s women’s hoops.
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Challenger to DeWine: Drop Appeal
Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine’s ongoing crusade against a dead gay man’s last wishes has become one of the first campaign issues of 2014. Democrat David Pepper, a former Cincinnati councilman and former Hamilton County commissioner who’s challenging DeWine, told outlook in January that the first-term Republican is putting politics ahead of the U.S. Constitution by challenging a court ruling that calls on the state to acknowledge same-sex marriages on people’s death certificates. “The state of Ohio is ... trying to scrub from history this person’s marriage,” Pepper said. “Aren’t there better things to do than that?”
U.S. District Court Judge Timothy Black ruled in December that Ohio’s refusal to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states was unconstitutional. The state still might be able to keep gay and lesbian couples from marrying, he said, but it can’t take away their right to remain married if they were legally united somewhere else. Black’s ruling applies only to death certificates, however. The plaintiffs in the case, all from Cincinnati, were Jim Obergefell and John Arthur (pictured), a couple who married in Maryland as Arthur suffered from ALS; David Michener, whose husband died suddenly in August; and funeral director Robert Grunn.
OSU Athletes Show Their Support
Three More Steps Toward Equality
So Na
“The court recognizes that moral disapproval often stems from deeply held religious convictions. ... However, moral disapproval of homosexuals as a class, or same-sex marriage as a practice, is not a permissible justification for a law.” - U.S. District Judge Terence Kern, who struck down Oklahoma’s 2004 marriage ban on Jan 14 but put weddings on hold until state leaders can appeal.
It’s the second public-service announcement produced by OSU for You Can Play, a twoyear-old effort in the United States and Canada that’s aimed at erasing homophobia from the playing fields, locker rooms and stands of competitive athletics. 10
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“The right to make a public commitment to form an exclusive relationship and create a family with a partner with whom the person shares an intimate and sustaining emotional bond ... is deeply rooted in the nation’s history and implicit in the concept of ordered liberty because it protects an individual’s ability to make deeply personal choices about love and family free from government interference.” - U.S. District Judge Robert Shelby, who struck down Utah’s 2004 marriage ban on Dec 20. More than 800 couples married before the U.S. Supreme Court stopped weddings until an appeal could be heard.
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“No hypothetical justification can overcome the clear primary purpose and practical effect of the marriage bans ... to disparage and demean the dignity of same-sex couples in the eyes of the state and the wider community.” - U.S. District Judge Timothy Black, who on Dec 23 ordered Ohio to recognize out-of-state marriages on death certificates of people involved in same-sex relationships.
Athletes from six OSU sports shared messages of encouragement for LGBT athletes in a new video that aired between periods of a men’s hockey game in January.
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The video features members of the Buckeyes’ women’s gymnastics, women’s soccer, men’s ice hockey, women’s basketball, softball and men’s lacrosse teams. You can find the video on YouTube. After the success of Pride Nights at men’s hockey games this season and last, OSU has planned another Pride event for LGBT fans at a women’s basketball game vs. Northwestern on Feb 23. (See ad on Page 9.)
Check out the wedding/engagement announcements on Page 18. Next month they land here in Qmunity.
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The guy at Tear-Ez didn’t really have time to talk about why The Advocate might have chosen Akron as one of the gayest cities in America.
Olympics Poster Project Counters Russia’s Anti-Gay Atmosphere by Erin McCalla
Even on a Tuesday afternoon in January during Ohio’s sub-zero cold snap, the gay bar was packed.
A speed skater takes his final lap around the course and he’s in the lead. It’s clear he’ll take the gold at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, and the crowd goes wild.
“Can you call back another time?” he asked. No need. We have our answer.
His partner is in the stands, watching and waving proudly.
Akron, an honorable mention at No. 24, was the only Ohio city named among The Advocate’s 25 most gayfriendly of 2014. Washington, DC, topped the annual list, followed by Pasadena; Seattle; Cambridge, Mass.; and Atlanta.
The skater who finishes second goes to his wife, who is also in the stands, and plants a big, loving kiss on her lips. The winner greets his partner with hug and a high-five.
Cincinnati was an honorable mention in 2013, and Cleveland ranked 12th in 2011. Columbus hasn’t been on The Advocate list since 2007, when the city ranked No. 7.
According to Kyle Franklin, a senior at day of the opening ceremony, so he can the Columbus College of Art and Design, send the link to out athletes and organizaeven though the fictional athlete had just tions around the world. won the gold, he’s the silver medalist in life, a second-place citizen. While Russian President Vladimir Putin insists that athletes and visitors to Sochi will That’s because last year, Olympics host not be prosecuted for violating the anti-gay Russia outlawed what it describes as “prolaw, other Russian leaders have sent mixed paganda” of “non-traditional sexual relasignals. Sure, people have signed petitions, tions.” It makes any display of Franklin said, but you sign something and homosexuality - from holding hands to forget about it. HIV/AIDS education - illegal.
The magazine changes the way it measures gayfriendliness from year to year and prides itself on some quirky yardsticks. In addition to scoring points for LGBT elected officials, legal protections and gayfriendly corporations, cities earn gay cred for such things as Tegan and Sara concerts, gay rugby teams and Whole Foods stores.
Smoking by the Numbers*
Americans 33% of LGBTsmoke
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more than the amount spent by LGBTs on pro-LGBT initiatives.
Franklin has created Golden, a collective art project that lives in an arena where people can “show support, tolerance and equality for those performing under these restrictive conditions.” It’s on the Internet, at his website, kyle-franklin.com/golden.
“An art project was more fun to look at,” Franklin said.
Golden’s purpose is to support gay Olympic athletes, he said. It’s not meant as a protest or a boycott. Franklin said athletes who have trained all their lives shouldn’t give up an opportunity to compete for their country. So far, artists have submitted nearly 20 He also plans to watch the games, because posters that show support for LGBT athletes he thinks “interesting things” will happen competing in the Winter Games, which run in the way of protesting, even if it’s illegal. from Feb 7-23 in Sochi. They were painted, drawn or created digitally. Franklin hopes to If he went to Sochi, he said, he’d act as if get a push before his Feb 7 deadline, the
“homosexuality was fine there.” He said his form of protest would be something as simple as holding his boyfriend’s hand. Franklin assumes, and hopes, that the protests and statements in Sochi will be grander than that. On his website he explains, “These laws in Russia may not change, and we might not be able to change them. Moving forward, we can do something positive and remind these athletes over and over again: They are supported. They are loved. They are golden.” Send a Message You don’t have to be a designer or artist to participate in Kyle Franklin’s poster project to support LGBT athletes at the Sochi Olympics.
Brian Boitano, the 1988 men’s figure-skating gold-medalist, who had always resisted discussing his private life. He came out three days after being asked by President Obama to join out athletes Billie Jean King and Caitlin Cahow in the official U.S. delegation to the Winter Olympics in Russia: “Being gay is just one part of who I am. First and foremost I am an American athlete and I am proud to live in a country that encourages diversity, openness and tolerance.”
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Robin Roberts, the Good Morning America host to whom President Obama first announced his support for marriage equality in 2012. Roberts has been very open about her fights against breast cancer and bonemarrow disease, but a Dec 29 Facebook post thanking family, friends and fans for their good wishes publicly acknowledged her girlfriend of more than a decade, Amber Laign: “I am grateful for my entire family, my longtime girlfriend, Amber, and friends as we prepare to celebrate a glorious new year together.”
Is anyone surprised by Brian Boitano?
Thomas Hitzlsperger, a German soccer player who represented his country in the 2006 World Cup and played professionally in Germany, Italy and England before retiring four months ago. “I was never ashamed of how I am,” he said, while adding that teammates’ behavior sometimes went too far: “Think about it. There are 20 young men sitting around a table drinking. You let most of it go, as long as the jokes are halfway funny and the rubbish about homosexuals is not hugely offensive.” february 2014
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The posters can be in any medium, but he needs an 11-by-17-inch high-resolution digital image. There’s a submission form and more info on his website, kyle-franklin.com/golden.
*The Network for LGBT Health Equity
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Sorry Columbus, Akron Named Ohio’s Gayest City
photo: Andrew Williams
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gay games
Darts to Decathlon by Bob Vitale You don’t have to qualify for the Gay Games. They’ll award gold, silver and bronze medals, but they’ll also give an award to everyone who participates. Don’t think the Gay Games aren’t a competition, though. This year’s games, scheduled for Aug 9-16 in Cleveland and Akron, will feature 36 sports, the largest collection of events in its 32-year history. About 11,000 participants and 30,000 total visitors from around the world are expected during the week. Most sports feature separate competitions for casual and more accomplished athletes, and some are divided into age categories as well. More information - plus registration details - can be found at the Gay Games website, www.gg9cle.com. Here’s a rundown of events: Badminton: Men’s and women’s singles, plus men’s, women’s and mixed doubles at four skill levels. Basketball: Women’s and men’s/mixed teams at three skill levels. Also, women’s and mixed/men’s teams in 35-plus and 50-plus age brackets (the latter is three-on-three, half-court play). Beach Volleyball: Two-player 12
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women’s and men’s/mixed teams at four skill levels. Billiards/Pool: Men’s and women’s eight-ball and nine-ball at recreational and competitive levels. Bodybuilding: Men’s and women’s individual in seven weight classifications and up to six age groups, plus men’s, women’s and mixed pairs competitions. Bowling: Men’s and women’s individual, women’s and men’s/mixed pairs, plus four-person women’s and men’s/mixed teams at five skill levels, plus a social/no handicap category. Cheer: Individual, partner and teams in stunt and show/dance/pom cheering. Cycling and Mountain Biking: Road race, criterium race, and individual (men’s and women’s) and team time-trial competitions in up to seven age groups. DanceSport: Men’s, women’s and mixed couples in two age groups and up to four skill levels. Styles include international (standard and Latin), American (smooth and rhythm), country western (two-step waltz and swing), line dance, Argentine tango and open. Darts: Women’s and open divisions, singles and doubles, for recreational and competitive players.
Diving: Men’s and women’s onemeter springboard, three-meter springboard and platform, plus synchronized teams, in six age groups. Flag Football: Women’s and men’s/mixed teams at two skill levels. Figure Skating: Men’s, women’s, pairs and mixed-pairs in five age groups. Golf: Men, women and teams at four skill levels. Ice Hockey: Women’s and men’s/mixed teams at intermediate and advanced levels. Individual players will be placed on teams in a separate division. Marathon/Half Marathon: 16 age categories for men and women in each race. (Registration includes the 5K and 10K races for free.) Martial Arts: Men’s, women’s and competitions for disabled athletes at up to four skill levels, plus 35plus blackbelt. Open Water Swim: Half-mile, mile and two-mile for men and women in 17 age groups. Power Lifting: Squat, bench and dead-lift events for men and women in up to 12 weight classes and 13 age groups.
Athletes of All Levels Welcome at Gay Games 9
Racquetball: Men’s and women’s singles and doubles, plus mixed doubles at five skill levels, plus 35plus, 45-plus and 55-plus divisions. There’s also a singles competition for athletes who use wheelchairs. Road Race/5K: Men’s and women’s divisions in 16 age groups. Road Race/10k: Men’s and women’s divisions in 16 age groups. Rock Climbing: Men’s and women’s climbing and bouldering at three skill levels. Rowing: Men’s and women’s single sculls, plus men’s, women’s and mixed-gender teams at two skill levels. Sailing: Competitive and recreational team competitions. Soccer/Football: Women’s and men’s/mixed teams at two skill levels. Softball: Women’s slow-pitch and fast-pitch, plus men’s/mixed slowpitch teams can at three skill levels. There also are 50-plus senior divisions for women’s and men’s/mixed slow-pitch teams. Squash: Men’s and women’s singles at five skill levels, plus divisions for 35-plus, 45-plus and athletes who use wheelchairs.
August will be here before you know it. Sign up for GG9 today. Scholarships available!
Swimming: Men’s and women’s individual, plus men’s, women’s and mixed-gender relay teams in up to 17 age groups. Synchronized Swimming: Solo, duet, trio and teams in up to seven age groups. Table Tennis: Men’s and women’s singles, plus men’s, women’s and mixed doubles at six skill levels. Tennis: Men’s and women’s singles, and men’s, women’s and mixed doubles at five skill levels. Track and Field: Men’s and women’s individual events, and men’s, women’s and mixed relay teams in up to 16 age groups. Triathalon: Long or short courses for men and women in 11 age groups. Volleyball: Women’s and men’s/mixed teams at five skill levels and a 40-plus bracket. Water Polo: Women’s and open divisions. Wrestling: Men’s and women’s competitions in three age groups and 11 weight classes. More information - plus registration details can be found at the Gay Games website, www.gg9cle.com
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Cleveland is kicking it all year prepping for the Gay Games. Bounce on up and check it out.
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That Dish
Cray
Restaurant’s Menu Will Be Anything But Wonder Bread by Kristen Spicker
A small-town girl leaves home in hopes of expe- “I wanted something Downtown but with free riencing other cultures, and along the way she parking for customers so they don’t have to exdiscovers her dreams. perience the hassle of finding a meter or paying for parking,” she said. “I never thought such a It sounds like a fairytale, but it’s reality for Crys- place existed until I came across the space at tal Park, who’s planning to bring a taste of the the old Wonder Bread factory. It is exactly what I exotic to Columbus’s restaurant scene with Cray wanted; the inside is gorgeous, and customers Eatery & Drinkery. She’s shooting for a latewill always have a free place to park.” March opening in the old Wonder Bread building in Italian Village. With the building’s factory architecture, the location also helped Park establish the perfect “The more you travel, the more you’ll find inter- vibe for the restaurant. esting drink and food recipes that people really haven’t thought about here in the US,” Park “Cray will have a very relaxed atmosphere where said. “Everyone has their own flavor, and it’s in- people can come in and hang out, enjoy some teresting to throw it all together and introduce ... food and drinks, and not feel rushed,” she said. what other people eat and drink in their own cultures.” The theme of relaxation and comfort also follows through to the menu. While Park was heavily inHer passport and menu boast stamps from all fluenced by the exotic flavor of foreign cuisines, over world, including Mexico, Canada, China, she wanted people of all backgrounds to be able Cambodia, Bali and the Gili Islands. Although to find their new favorite dish at Cray. Cray’s menu features a bar-hopper’s favorite, sliders, Park plans to take the “My menu will offer something dish up a notch and add a to a wide variety of people little extra flavor. from meat lovers to vegetarians,” she said. “It will “I am definitely excited to offer a little taste of around introduce the slider spin the world, and hopefully on chicken and waffles,” that will pull in people with Park said. “I think it will different cultures and backbe a crowd favorite.” grounds. It will be a little melting pot of gourmet slidAnother example of Park’s ers and drinks.” travels influencing her menu can be found behind Cray also will host weekend Cray’s bar, which will stock different infused brunch hours, and Park said the menu will help liquors. Infusing liquor with different foods, customers nurse their morning hangovers with spices and fruits gives the alcohol a new iden- something other than the standard waffles and tity and also creates a more diverse cocktail omelets. Early birds can munch on chicken and menu. waffle sliders with infused maple syrup while sipping on bloody marys infused with pickle or Two she thinks will be crowd favorites: Slim Jim- garlic flavors. infused bourbon and a Werther’s Originalsinfused vodka. Park said she wants to create a laid-back restaurant with an inclusive and diverse palate. “I can’t wait to introduce them to the city,” Park Despite Columbus’s competitive dinning scene, said. people already are talking about her venture.
“I am definitely excited to introduce the slider spin on chicken and waffles”
While the inspiration for the menu veers toward the exotic, Cray’s location at the iconic Wonder Bread building is a familiar site for Columbus locals. Park originally struggled finding the perfect space for her eatery but said, “The minute I stepped into the Wonder Bread factory, I knew it was the future home of my new restaurant and bar.” photo: Andrew Williams
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The Wonder Bread building featured two of Park’s biggest wishes for a location: cool and convenient.
She had me at chicken and waffles.
“The support has been incredible. I constantly have friends texting me to let me know they are hearing a lot of rave about it. The word has gotten around way faster than I ever imagined,” Park said. “I am also blessed with a huge support system of friends who spread the word any chance they get. I think everyone is very excited to see the Italian Village starting to boom.” You can follow the progress and get word on the opening date for Cray Eatery & Drinkery by searching on Facebook for comegetcray. If you know of an LGBT-owned business that should be featured in outlook, email Editor Bob Vitale at bvitale@outlookmedia.com. outlookohio.com
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Network is better than ever! Come to one of our free events and get networking! It’s who you know!
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the other side
Hope and Change What Does it Mean to Be Black and Gay in 2014? by James Blackmon
This month, of course, is Black History Month. Some might wonder, “Why, in 2014, do we even have a Black History Month?”
gay culture as a whole has a stereotype of what the gay black man should be. You don’t have to live in the stereotype ... just be who you are.”
Outside the obvious reason that Americans should know their true history, which includes many races, I think Black History Month is more for us - black people.
My youngest respondent, actor/vocalist Japheal Bondurant (Hairspray, Five Guys Named Moe): “Even though our society has a ways to go, I thank God that I’m able to be who I am and live within my truth. Black, white, gay or straight.”
It’s essential to our growth and evolution as human beings, regardless of race, that we know our history. If we don’t know where we’ve been, then how are we to know where we are? And if we don’t know where we are, then how will we know how to get where we are trying to go? So in observance of Black History Month, I asked some of my black gay friends one question: “What’s it like to be black and gay in 2014?” Here are some of the responses: Corey Williams, alter-ego to the super-fabulous drag artist, Anisa Love: “Being black and gay in 2014. Wow. It’s nothing like being black and gay in 1995 when I came out. There’s a level of comfort and support that wasn’t there damn near 20 years ago. ... There was a time when I felt [I] had to be ‘hard’ and keep my inner proud black man protected. Now, my walls have been knocked down ... and there’s an inner peace that comes with that.” Terrence Brown, OSU employee and actor (Five Guys Named Moe): “To me, it means being strong and owning the lane you walk in. Not caring about how people think you should be but being true to whom and what you are. It sometimes is a struggle, because I feel that 16
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It means being strong and owning the lane you walk in.
In his own unique way, my singing partner, Dark Chocolate, responded: “Well ... I’m black! And, I’m gay! I’m just proud to be me. ... Black, gay and proud of who I AM!!! No added artificial colorings, preservatives, or made from concentrate. 100% ALL NATURAL.” Dwayne Steward, activist and Queer Minded radio host: “The cliché of coming far but having far to go is truer than ever. I still experience extreme misunderstanding from the African-Americans in my life who are religious, and there are still many times when I feel discriminated against in the gay community for being a person of color. In 2014, we must plan for a future where the youth behind us don’t have to spend so much energy negotiating their intersecting identities.” Local vocalist and piano entertainer Bobby Hamlin agrees there’s work to
be done but feels optimistic about our future: “To me, it means another chance to open another door and to close unwanted windows. Things aren’t perfect. But small changes can open whole new worlds.” Aaron Riley, owner and founder of New Leaf Columbus, makes this projection: “2014 will be an exciting and dynamic time for black gay people as well as for all LGBTQ people of color because our visibility has increased significantly in the past few years, which has led to an increasing individual and collective community pride.” Southwest Public Libraries employee Michael Lee is also optimistic: “Black and gay in 2014 means being able to turn yourself into some type of super hero deflecting the ‘bullets’ of racism and homophobia simultaneously. However, with the repeal of DOMA, the awesome spread of marriage equality and Obama in office, it’s the best time ever to be both.” So, where are we as black gay Americans in 2014? Well, we are overcoming. But, there is still work to do, for even today, we are not all out. So for all the faceless voices, I will leave you with the words from my only respondent who chose to remain anonymous: “For me being black and gay in 2014 means being free [from] the opinions of others.”
Outlook welcomes James, one of our new The Other Side columnists.
James Blackmon is a musician, actor, director and former owner of James Club 88 Piano Bar in Columbus. You can follow him on Twitter at @MrJamesBlackmon. outlookohio.com
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Make sure you get some new undies for the bar crawl. You never know where you’ll end up.
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We are Pleased to Announce...
Demonstrating our love to the world is one of the most important things we can do. With this issue, we begin publishing your love announcements. Whether you were married or engaged yesterday or yesteryear, or if you’re a couple who just want to share your love with the world, we want to make sure you get the recognition you deserve. If you would like your announcement to appear in an upcoming issue of outlook, simply email the text (200 words or less, please) and photo to emccalla@outlookmedia.com. We’ll be happy to print it. And with that, outlook is pleased to annouce the following weddings and engagements. Congratulations to all the couples!
Shannon Duffy and Lisa Harkes were married on June 7, 2013. The ceremony took place in Washington, D.C., officiated by the Rev. Tiffany Newman. The brides celebrated their marriage with a repeat of the ceremony and a reception with family and friends in Columbus, Ohio, on August 2, 2013, at the Clintonville Woman’s Club.
On September 9, 2013, Clara Stailey proposed to Betsy Sharpe in Las Vegas at the Paris Hotel on top of the Eiffel Tower while they were there celebrating their birthdays.
They met on Twitter because of a mutual fondness for Chely Wright, a lesbian country singer. Their courtship was long-distance at first; Clara lived in Flagstaff, Arizona, and Betsy Shannon is originally from Columbus. She lived in Columbus, Ohio. But after six months holds a bachelor’s degree in finance from Ohio of racking up frequent-flyer miles, Clara Dominican University and works at Nationwide moved to Ohio. Realty Investors. Lisa is originally from Grandville, Michigan. She holds a bachelor’s They plan to wed on May 5, 2015, at the Via degree in sociology from Hope College and a Vecchia Winery in the Brewery District. They master’s degree in college student personnel hope same-sex marriage is legal by then, but and works at Ohio State University. if it isn’t they’ll still have “one hell of a day” and get their license in another state. Mrs. and Mrs. Duffy reside in Columbus with their dog, Maeb.
Jessica McCoy, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Robert McCoy of Cincinnati, Ohio, and Brandy Lockard, daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Michael Lockard of Stanton, Kentucky, were married on May 4, 2013. The ceremony was held at Germania Park in Cincinnati, with Seagal Zaid officiating the ceremony. Given in marriage by her father, Jessica was attended by her sister, Alexx Cook, as matron of honor. Brandy was attended by Theresa Heberling as her maid of honor. Brandy and Jessica have been together for 2½ years. They honeymooned in the Northeast and reside in Pleasant Ridge, a neighborhood in Cincinnati.
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Jamie Lynn Meece of Huntingdon, Pennsylvania, and Tessa Marie Blake of Newark, Ohio, took the first step into forever changing their lives on July 20, 2013. Tessa is the daughter of Ronald Blake and Chellie Blake of Newark and Laura Sever and Wayne Sever of Grove City, Ohio. Jamie is the daughter of Tammy Meece and Neal Parks of Huntingdon. They stand proudly together in love and are waiting for marriage to be legalized in Ohio so they can be married where they had their first date, in Franklin Park. Forever Thine, Forever Mine, Forever Ours.
Drew and Phillip GrudowskiKeuneke of Delaware, Ohio, got married in Salem, Massachusetts, on October 5, 2013. How they met: “We met about three years ago at Axis just before closing. We didn’t go home together... really.” Why they got married: “We immediately had to rely on each other through some tough things that would test most relationships and we made it. So we bought a house in April, and since the Supreme Court decision, it just seemed like the logical next step.” “Honestly, we’re both small-town guys that share the same values, which happen to be fairly traditional. After years of dating it seemed hard to find, yet we found each other as the lights came up at Axis. Yes, pigs have wings and Hell is a balmy 5 degrees.”
Stephen Weed and James Riedel met in 1995 and have been a committed couple for nearly 19 years. They have the joy of announcing their marriage that took place June 21, 2008, in San Francisco, California - during the first week marriage equality was made legal in the state. The ceremony took place on the steps leading to the pool table inside the bar where they first met, and close friends joined them in the celebration (along with all happy hour bar patrons!).
Jennifer Lape and Leah Kaiser are pleased to announce their commitment to each other, which took place July 26, 2013, after five wonderful years of dating and engagement. The event was held at North Bank Pavilion in Columbus, Ohio, and was officiated Chris is originally from Grove City, Ohio. He has by Melissa McClellan. a bachelor’s degree from The Ohio State University and works for The Columbus Dispatch. Jennifer was presented by her parents, Daniel Dale is originally from Mansfield, Ohio. He has and Lisa Lape, and Leah was presented by her parents, Robert and Paula Kaiser. The wedding a bachelor’s degree in human development party included siblings Jessica Lape, Sarah and family science from The Ohio State UniLape, Samantha Lape, Andrea Kaiser, Evan versity and a master’s degree in special education from Antioch McGregor University, and Kaiser and Reed Kaiser, and friends Chris Mullins and Danny Mohan. The event was athe works for Columbus City Schools. tended by 100 amazing family and friends who danced the night away with the happy The couple is excited for a winter wedding in couple. Columbus, Ohio, in 2015. After a quick glance of a profile on the dating app FindFred, Dale Litt and Chris Daniel decided to meet for coffee and a movie. Fast forward to Christmas 2013, when Dale asked Chris the big question and he said YES!
The couple currently resides in Columbus and plans to travel to the state of New York in March 2014 to legalize their union.
Amy Kappler Volpe and Meredith Volpe, of Columbus, were legally married on October 22, 2013. The ceremony was held in North Tonawanda, New York, with Mayor Robert G. Ortt presiding.
Nicole Barnes and Kristen “Kiki” DuChemin, met at an all-girls Catholic high school in Cincinnati, Ohio. They were nothing more than friends and went their separate ways for college. Years later, on a whim, Nicole decided to attend her five-year high Amy and Meredith have been together since school reunion. Little did she know that she 2006 and are parents to their 3-year-old would re-meet the love of her life. That night, daughter, Jak McKennah, who served as the they hit it off and have been together ever flower girl. Prior to the legal ceremony, the cou- since. ple exchanged vows and rings in a local commitment ceremony on September 5, 2009. Being the extensive travel planner she is, Kiki discovered a quaint beach town that would Amy and Meredith plan to celebrate with fam- become their yearly summer getaway. They alily and friends in larger reception when same- ways dreamt of exchanging vows on Rosemary sex marriages are recognized in Ohio. Beach, just the two of them, and on July 9,
The outlook staff is forever a bridesmaid...
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2012, they did just that. One month prior to sealing the deal, Kiki sprung it on Nicole that they were going to Rosemary Beach for vacation and said, “Oh by the way, I’ve planned our entire ceremony!” Anyone who knows them would tell you it wouldn’t have happened any other way. And Nicole, knowing how fabulous Kiki is at making important moments so special, was more than excited! In March 2014, the couple will celebrate eight years together and nearly two years of wedded bliss. They can’t wait to see what the future holds, and they look forward to starting a family soon.
Megan W Photography
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Lacey and Audra Wheeler were married on January 20, 2013, in New York City, New York. The ceremony took place at Central Park’s Bethesday Terrace and was officiated by close friend Adam Shorsten. The brides were selected as a featured couple by GayTravel.com to honeymoon on Curacao Island in March of 2013.
Allison Gates and Kelley Andersen have been together for three years and currently live in Cincinnati, Ohio, with their dog, Ollie. Allison is a Cincinnati native, and Kelley is from Louisville, Kentucky. Allison is currently completing a bachelor’s degree in electronic media and broadcasting, and Kelley is completing her master’s in business administration, both from Northern Kentucky University.
Lacey is originally from Evansville, Indiana. She holds a bachelor’s degree from the University of Southern Indiana and works at C.H. Robinson. Audra is originally from Toledo, Ohio. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Ohio University, a master’s degree in school counseling from Heidelberg University, and is currently in a doctoral program for educational leadership from Concordia University Chicago. She works as a school counselor in a Columbus suburb. In addition, Lacey and Audra will be licensed real estate agents in March 2014. Mrs. and Mrs. Wheeler live in the Short North Arts District of Columbus, Ohio, with their dogs, Bella and Monkey.
Franklin County Recorder Terry (TJ) Brown and Joel Bradley were joined together before family and friends on February 3, 2007, at St. Paul United Church of Christ in Merion Village, a neighborhood in Columbus, Ohio. It was the first commitment ceremony at St. Paul’s after the congregation voted unanimously to become an open and affirming church. They were legally married in Des Moines, Iowa, in 2009, by Howard Wells, the first openly gay delegate to the Democratic National Convention. In 2012, they were the first couple to sign Columbus’s Domestic Partner Registry. TJ and Joel met two days after the election in 2002 by pure luck. Since then, they have been inseparable. They honeymooned in Hocking Hills, one of their favorite vacation areas. Together they have been through many adventures. Each day brings them closer together, and they are looking forward to sharing all that life has to offer. Currently, they live in Columbus’s Westgate neighborhood and look forward to growing their family together.
Allison works as a consultant for FedEx, and Kelley works as a business systems analyst for Liberty Mutual. They got engaged on October 17, 2012, when Allison proposed in Yellow Springs, Ohio. They will be tying the knot on September 27, 2014, in beautiful Hocking Hills, Ohio, and will receive their marriage license in Seattle, Washington.
André Thompson and Garrett Tucci are pleased to announce their engagement. The ceremony and reception will take place in the Short North Arts District of Columbus, Ohio, at Dock580 on June 6, 2015. André is originally from Lorain, Ohio. He holds a bachelor’s degree in finance and accounting from Miami University and works at JPMorgan Chase. Garrett is originally from Montville, Ohio. He holds a bachelor’s degree in strategic marketing and business from The Ohio State University and works for Huntington National Bank. They currently live in the Short North where they met and are excited to tie the knot!
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Eric Wickham and Andrew Kastner were engaged on December 14, 2013. Eric proposed to Andrew in Columbus’ own Goodale Park, followed by a gathering of family and friends to celebrate. Eric is from Bluffton, Ohio, and received his bachelor’s degree in communications and public relations from The Ohio State University. Currently, he is a manager for a restaurant/bar in Chicago and plans to move into the management of multiple establishments. Andrew is from Dublin, Ohio, and is currently enrolled in The Ohio State University’s School of Environment and Natural Resources to receive his bachelor’s degree in environmental science. Eric and Andrew enjoy being engaged and have yet to set a date, but they hope to wed in the summer of 2015. Post-graduation, Andrew will join Eric in Chicago where the two will start planning their nuptials together.
A family wedding in New York ended up being two when Eve Davis and Jane Perry got married on October 12, 2013. “What do you think? Should we do it?” Eve asked when family members suggested the couple of 33 years have a wedding of their own. Jane shrugged. “If you want to, it’s OK with me.” The couple met in 1980 when both were living in Toledo, Ohio. They’ve been part of each other’s lives and families ever since. Eve says Jane won her mother’s heart the day she asked for a second bowl of matzo ball soup.
Robert Johnson-Keeton was residing in Chillicothe, Ohio, in 2008 when he first met Jeff Keeton. The pair met online, where they started chatting and struck up a friendship. Eager to finally meet in person, Robert drove to visit Jeff in his hometown of Huntington, West Virginia. “From the second he stepped foot on my porch, I knew right then and there I would spend the rest of my life with him,” Jeff said. “I could just feel it. I think we both could.”
After a few months of long-distance dating, They got their marriage license in Batavia, Robert moved to West Virginia to be closer to New York, and married in a ceremony in Albany Jeff, but not long after decided to move back to the morning of Eve’s cousin’s wedding. About the Buckeye State to live in Grove City. 20 family attended. Excited about their life together in Ohio and “At their reception people we didn’t even know eager to commit their lives to each other, Jeff came up and congratulated us,” Eve said. and Robert got engaged. The couple traveled “They didn’t just congratulate us, they hugged to Washington, D.C., where all loving, commitand kissed us. We are truly blessed with a fan- ted couples have the freedom to marry. On July 2, 2013, after five years together, Jeff and tastic family and group of friends.” Robert pledged their eternal love and commitJane and Eve live in Columbus, where they cel- ment to one another in front of a small group ebrated their wedding with a reception on Jan- of friends and family. They plan to have a larger ceremony in Ohio, when all couples uary 12, 2014. have the freedom to marry.
Hannah Botkin and Kristin Doty held a wedding ceremony and a reception with family and friends in Columbus, Ohio, on July 24, 2012. They plan on traveling to Chicago, Illinois, to receive their marriage certificate in the summer of 2014. “We met and fell in love in Columbus, and we couldn’t imagine committing our lives to each other anywhere but here with our friends and family,” said Hannah. “We each promised to love and protect one another forever and then promptly sat down with an attorney to recreate contractually as many rights as we could to ensure we could keep our promises.” Hannah is originally from Columbus. She holds a juris doctorate degree with a concentration in child and family law from Capital University Law School and is a founding partner of The Law Firm of Doty and Obenour LLC. Kristin is originally from Delaware, Ohio. She holds a bachelor’s degree in sports administration from the University of Dayton and works as an office administrator for Deloitte LLP. Mrs. and Mrs. Botkin-Doty reside in Columbus with their cat, Sherlock.
...and we like it that way!
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With weddings, it’s all about the flowers, the seating arrangements, the rings, the music, the menu. With weddings, it’s all about the details.
‘The People’s House’ Rejects Ceremonies for Gay People
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by Eli Johnson
february 2014
Statehouse representatives in Pennsylvania and West Virginia told outlook that they don’t ask to see couples’ marriage licenses and that policies don’t exclude gay and lesbian couples. Rules posted online for Indiana and Michigan don’t mention any liFor gay and lesbian couples hoping to hold wedding cense requirements, either. ceremonies surrounded by the limestone columns and marble staircases of the Ohio Statehouse, LGBT leaders and allies in Ohio criticized the Statethough, it’s a grand location that’s totally off-limits. house policy. And before anyone gets to the boutonnieres or the bubbly, it’s all about the perfect location. The beach? A garden? An elegant indoor venue?
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boring states that open up their capitol buildings to weddings and receptions.
The self-proclaimed “People’s House,” a public, taxpayer-owned and -operated building that hosted 23 weddings last year, doesn’t allow same-sex couples to rent its atrium, rotunda, plaza or porches as a venue.
“The Statehouse is the last place where anyone should be denied their civil rights,” said Ian James, co-founder of Freedom Ohio, which is collecting signatures for a statewide vote on marriage equality. “For generations, the Statehouse has stood as the People’s House, where all must be provided equal In keeping with the constricting tone of Ohio’s 2004 access.” constitutional amendment that bans marriage, civil unions or any other type of government recognition State Rep. Michael Stinziano, a Columbus Democfor gay and lesbian couples, the building’s overseer rat whose district includes the Statehouse grounds, has a policy that requires couples to obtain a mar- said he wasn’t aware of the Statehouse policy and riage license in the state before renting out space sees no reason why it should exist. and services. It’s a license that same-sex couples obviously can’t obtain, and out-of-state licenses “It’s the People’s House. Anything that discrimifrom marriage-equality states or any other won’t do. nates like that is a shame,” he said. “Now that I’m aware of it, it’s something I’m committed to “We do not have a position on the act [of same-sex changing.” marriage], but someone has to have a marriage license to be married at the Statehouse, so we follow Equality Ohio, the statewide LGBT-rights organizathat policy,” said Capitol Square Review and Advi- tion, said it was researching the issue but declined sory Board spokesman Luke Stedke. “Anything we to comment for this story. do has to follow the Ohio Constitution.” They take that “People’s House” thing seriously at The board is a 50-employee state agency and a 12- the Capitol Square Review and Advisory Board. The member appointed panel that sets policy on public Statehouse website uses the term 240 times. use of the Statehouse and its grounds. The wedding policy also requires an Ohio marriage license just to The board’s annual budget to keep the Statehouse hold a reception in the building. Couples must sub- running is more than $7.7 million, and weddings mit a copy of their license at least two days before help offset some of that cost. Couples pay $3,500 to their wedding or reception. have a wedding in the building and $8,000 for a ceremony and reception. Spokesman Mike Rupert said the policy wasn’t put in place to deny lesbian and gay couples access to Ohio Department of Natural Resources spokesman Statehouse celebrations. It was adopted in 2006, a Matt Eiselstein said his agency doesn’t require couyear before the building was opened up for wedples to show marriage licenses in order to have dings and receptions. weddings and receptions at state parks, and the agency doesn’t turn away same-sex couples who “The board decided that the Ohio Statehouse is for want to use its properties. citizens of Ohio,” he said. The Columbus Department of Recreation and Parks Allowing ceremonies and receptions only for those welcomes all couples at popular wedding locations who obtain marriage licenses in Ohio, though, such as the Goodale Park gazebo, Topiary Garden, means the Capitol Square Review and Advisory the Park of Roses at Whetstone Park, and North Board is denying access to two groups of Ohio citi- Bank Park’s glass pavilion. zens: gays and lesbians whose out-of-state marriages aren’t recognized here, as well as straight “A wedding is a wedding. It’s just not a question we couples whose marriages are valid in Ohio no mat- ask,” said Terri Leist, assistant director of the deter where the license is obtained. partment. “As long as someone pays the fee and fills out the [rental] paperwork, they can get marIt’s a policy that seems unmatched among neigh- ried.”
“It’s the People’s House. Anything that discriminates like that is a shame. ...
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...Now that I’m aware of it, it’s something I’m committed to changing.” - State Rep. Michael Stinziano
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Marry, Marry, Quite Contrary by Jon Theiss “Nothing goes together quite like loneliness, white girls in their 20s and dogs.” I fell in love with the man who told that joke, and I eventually asked him to marry me. Since we’re tasked with planning a sham wedding of our very own, and I’m not at all interested in waxing rhapsodic about it, I thought I’d share some ideas on ways to spice up your own wedding-day celebrations. First, since we’re dealing with an institution that’s just as vaunted as it is divisive, let’s blow off some steam: Right-wing fundamentalist dribble-down moonies fetishize marriage as some kind of conservative heterosexual birthright. Left-wing herstorians, hippies and crackpots denounce it, along with monogamy, as a misogynist relic of bourgeois Anglo-Saxon forebears. So what’s a homosensual to do? Here’s your quick guide to make sure your non-legally-binding-contract-day is one for the books: Step One: Loosen Up If you’re celebrating a lifelong commitment to another person that’s not recognized by your state of residence, do yourself a favor and figure out the answer to this question: Will your hemp-evangelizing lacto-ovo-vegetarian friends exit the reception with flax seeds in their teeth and zero coital prospects? If you answered “Yes,” you should prepare yourself, as any good host should, to loosen the reins and throw a better party. 22
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Step Two: Buck Trends and Traditions If you trust the wedding planners, your reception will be in some soulless hall, catered by some company with “Perfect” in its name, and it will be so saccharine and dull that the most rat-ass-drunk in-laws giving the most steamboat-wasted toasts won’t be able to save it.
“supposed to” or “obligated” to do anything. You’re obligated to do one thing: Eat, drink and be merry. OK, that’s three things, but you get my point.
Step Three: Don’t Fall Into the Wedding Trap Stay away from bridal magazines, wedding sites and Pinterest. By and large, those rags and sites are directed at monied heterosexual You know the scene: The women in their late 20s pill-munching and early 30s, and mother-in-law, redthey prey on their Marriage is a sexy day. faced from party debilitating daddy It’s when you cease to exist issues, clanging biliquor, stammers on about dead relaological clocks and as two autonomous tives, her own childfor noshumans, when two people propensity hood dreams talgia-driven sadbecome one collection of sackery. unfulfilled and that little red wagon you virtues and vices, one had when you were Stop it. Your wedassemblage of strengths 7. For most people, ding can be structhese yarns kill the and weaknesses, and one tured however you room’s collective joy want, but if you go grab-bag of various and as quickly as a tack nautical, Hawaiian sundry recreational holes. or sports-themed, hammer dispatches a burlap bag full of don’t expect me to feral tomcats before speak to you ever they’re tossed into a river. again. And for good reason: Most folks wince when drunks take the mic and Jesus takes the wheel, but for me, off-the-rails drunkards’ tales are the most gossamer moments of any wedding. However, if that’s all people remember, it can be a problem. So what should you do? Start by resolving to get creative. Don’t go trendy, and don’t go traditional. These ready-made constructs are predictable (read: boring), so show Whitey who’s boss and screw the notion that you’re
Step Four: Make it Sexy Marriage is a sexy day. It’s when you cease to exist as two autonomous humans, when two people become one collection of virtues and vices, one assemblage of strengths and weaknesses, and one grab-bag of various and sundry recreational holes. Moral of the story: If I see a Croc, you’ve failed. Don’t be afraid of side-boob, and may God have mercy if the word “Steampunk” is associated with anything.
Other Ideas to Make Your Day Picture-Perfect • Hire a Mariachi band to play one song only, repeatedly: Salt ’n’ Pepa’s “Push It.” • Have an open bar. This is traditional, sure, but every time I get invited to a cash-bar wedding or - even worse - one of those “We’reHere-to-Foster-Community-So-No-BoozeAllowed” abominations, I consider it a personal insult. Whether you’re performing an interpretative dance to Madonna’s “Cherish” or licking crystals to honor the Gluten-Free Goddess of Being An Asshole, do your guests a favor and get them lubed first. Nobody wants to try to score some after-wedding scoop completely sober. • Hire a non-traditional caterer, like one of Columbus’s many Chinese buffets. Then seal all access to toilets, sinks and other facilities, and watch bedlam unfold. • Forbid the Chicken Dance and Electric Slide under any circumstances. Here’s the rub: For centuries, marriage has been used, primarily, to consolidate or accumulate wealth, mask homosexuality, subjugate women and/or squash filial rivalries. So get weird, get radical, wag the dog and do what makes you happy. It’s your day; be yourself. And if “yourself” is boring, then make something up. Oh, and don’t forget to invite me. You remember Jon Theiss, who wrote “That’s So Gay” for our now defunct but still second-favorite Columbus publication, The Other Paper. You can follow him on Twitter @jontheiss.
If Chris had his way, the Chicken Dance would be mandatory at every wedding.
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Who wants to be a millionaire? Billionaire? Derriere?
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As the debate moves forward in Ohio, arm yourself with these responses to the common arguments of marriage-equality opponents:
“The Bible talks about man and woman, husband and wife not husband and husband and wife and wife.” The Bible also says that “a wife must not separate from her husband” and “a husband must not divorce his wife.” The Bible says a woman who separates from her husband must remain unmarried. The Bible says that during the first year of marriage, a man must not be sent to war. The Bible says he should stay home “and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” There’s no effort to repeal Ohio’s divorce laws or prohibit divorced women from remarrying. Even Focus on the Family, which takes the whole man-woman thing literally, is open to a new interpretation of that year-off edict for male newlyweds. Men simply should cut back on social obligations, a blog on its website declares. “Marriage is a religious institution.” Marriage is both religious and secular.
Over time, the religious and legal roles blurred. “Marriage is about having children and raising a family.” Couples who choose not to have children are allowed to marry. Couples who cannot have children are allowed to marry. “Churches will be forced to perform gay weddings.” Here is the 46-word text of the Freedom to Marry and Religious Freedom Amendment, which might go before Ohio voters this fall: “In the State of Ohio and its political subdivisions, marriage shall be a union of two consenting adults not nearer of kin than second cousins, and not having a husband or wife living, and no religious institution shall be required to perform or recognize a marriage.” “Same-sex unions will destroy the sanctity of marriage.” Since Ohioans bought that argument in 2004 and declared marriage forbidden for gay and lesbian couples, the state’s divorce rate has climbed more than 10 percent. The state granted more than 276,000 divorces from 2004 to 2010, the last year for which statistics are available from the Ohio Department of Health.
You’ve heard clergy say at the end of church weddings: “By the power vested in me by the state of Ohio, I now pronounce you...” They are declaring a couple married on behalf of the state.
In 2004, there were 54 divorces for every 100 new marriages in Ohio. In 2010, there were 59.5 divorces for every 100 marriages.
The Rev. Margaret Hawk of New Creation Metropolitan Community Church on Columbus’s South Side says clergy were among the few literate people around in the olden days, so they were recruited to act as government representatives to record births, deaths and marriages.
“If we allow gay people to marry, what’s next? Someone will want to marry an animal.” We’ll let Ellen answer this one: “I don’t want to marry a goat. I really don’t. I can’t imagine marrying a goat. I can’t even imagine dating a goat.”
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2014 A group called Freedom Ohio says it already has collected the 385,000 signatures needed to put marriage equality on the statewide ballot this fall.
more needs to be done to lay the groundwork for a successful political campaign. The head of Why Marriage Matters said in December, though, that 2016 is the latest year that a measure would go forward.
But the group’s leaders say they want to turn in 1 million signatures from Ohio voters by the July 2 deadline.
???
The Freedom to Marry and Religious Freedom Amendment would be decided, along with races for governor, statewide offices, U.S. House and the state legislature, in the general election on Nov 4.
Ohio isn’t one of them - at least not yet.
2015 or 2016 Groups including Equality Ohio, the Human Rights Campaign and the ACLU have come together to form Why Marriage Matters Ohio, which right now is dedicated to educating Ohioans about the need for marriage equality. Leaders of the organizations have been critical of the Freedom Ohio effort, saying that
Gay and lesbian couples in 19 states are challenging marriage bans in state and federal courts.
A federal court ruling in December ordered the Ohio Department of Health to recognize out-of-state same-sex marriages on people’s death certificates, but that decision went no further. Outlook has been told of several couples contemplating court challenges, but no one has filed suit. And victory could take years: Some of the suits pending now around the country are more than a decade old.
T
WHAT WE ARE UP AGAINST
TalkingPoints
Why Marriage Matters will host meetings around the state to talk about marriage equality.
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The Marriage Map ALABAMA: A constitutional amendment banning marriage and civil unions passed in 2006. ALASKA: The state constitution has banned marriage for same-sex couples since 1998. ARIZONA: Voters approved an anti-marriage constitutional amendment in 2008, but four couples filed a federal lawsuit in January to challenge the ban. ARKANSAS: State and federal lawsuits seek to overturn a constitutional ban in place since 2004. Supporters also are gathering signatures for a vote in 2016. CALIFORNIA: The U.S. Supreme Court overturned a state ban in 2013. COLORADO: Although the state constitution bans marriage, same-sex couples can enter into civil unions. A lawsuit in state court seeks to overturn the ban. CONNECTICUT: Marriage equality since 2008. DELAWARE: State lawmakers approved mar-
outlookohio.com
riage rights in 2013. DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA: Marriage equality since 2009. FLORIDA: Voters banned marriage and civil unions with passage of a state constitutional amendment in 2008. Supporters hope for a vote on marriage equality this year, and six couples filed a federal suit in January seeking the right to marry. GEORGIA: A state constitutional ban has been in place since 2004. HAWAII: State lawmakers approved marriage equality in 2013. IDAHO: Voters banned marriage in 2006, but four couples are challenging the state constitutional amendment in federal court. ILLINOIS: State lawmakers approved marriage equality in 2013. INDIANA: State law already bans marriage rights for same-sex couples, but some lawmakers want to place a constitutional ban
before voters. IOWA: Marriage equality since 2009. KANSAS: A constitutional ban has been in place since 2005. KENTUCKY: A 2004 constitutional amendment banning marriages is being challenged in federal court. LOUISIANA: A federal lawsuit filed in January seeks state recognition for out-of-state marriages, and a 2013 ruling against marriage equality has been appealed. The state constitution has banned marriage since 2005. MAINE: Voters approved marriage equality in 2012. MARYLAND: Voters approved marriage equality in 2012. MASSACHUSETTS: Marriage equality since 2004. MICHIGAN: A federal judge plans to hear arguments in February for and against the state’s 2004 constitutional amendment that
Which state will be next?
Those i equality licly sta the last changi hold pe ago.
Where we stand on the roadmap to equality
bans marriage. MINNESOTA: Voters rejected an anti-marriage amendment in 2012, and state lawmakers approved marriage equality in 2013. MISSISSIPPI: A 2004 constitutional amendment bans marriage, and a state court ruled against a woman who sued last year to have her out-of-state marriage recognized (so she could divorce). She plans to appeal. MISSOURI: A constitutional ban on marriage has been in place since 2004. MONTANA: The state has banned marriage in its constitution since 2004, and lawmakers rejected domestic partnerships in 2009. A challenge was filed in state court last year. NEBRASKA: A 2000 constitutional amendment banning marriage was struck down by a federal judge in 2005 but reinstated on appeal in 2006. NEVADA: The state constitution bans marriage, but state law allows domestic partnercontinued
february 2014
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ships. There are efforts to get marriage equality on the ballot in 2016, and a 2012 antimarriage ruling in federal court has been appealed. NEW HAMPSHIRE: Marriage equality since 2010. NEW JERSEY: The state Supreme Court ruled for marriage equality in 2013. NEW MEXICO: The state Supreme Court ruled for marriage equality in 2013. NEW YORK: Marriage equality since 2011. NORTH CAROLINA: Voters approved a constitutional ban in 2012, and it is being challenged in federal court. NORTH DAKOTA: The state constitution has banned marriage since 2004. OHIO: Our constitutional ban was approved by
RHODE ISLAND: State lawmakers voted for marriage equality in 2013. SOUTH CAROLINA: A constitutional amendment adopted in 2006 bans marriage and civil unions. A federal court suit is pending. SOUTH DAKOTA: Voters approved a constitutional ban in 2006. TENNESSEE: An anti-marriage constitutional amendment approved in 2006 has been challenged in a federal lawsuit. TEXAS: Five separate lawsuits - two in state court and three in federal court - are challenging the state’s 2005 constitutional amendment banning marriage. UTAH: A federal judge ruled in December that the state’s 2004 marriage-banning amendment was unconstitutional, but the U.S.
Supreme Court stopped marriages from taking place until an appeal is heard. VERMONT: Marriage equality since 2009. VIRGINIA: Two federal lawsuits target a 2006 constitutional amendment against marriage, and some lawmakers are pushing for a statewide vote on marriage equality in 2016. WASHINGTON: Voters approved marriage equality in 2012. WEST VIRGINIA: State law has banned marriage since 2000. There’s a federal lawsuit pending that challenges the ban. WISCONSIN: The state allows domestic-partnership protections but bans marriage in its constitution. WYOMING: State law has banned marriage since 1977.
WITH US OR AGAINST US Don’t we deserve to know where our elected officials stand on the issue of marriage equality? We’ve begun collecting info on Ohio’s representatives in Congress, our statewide office-holders and members of the Ohio General Assembly so you and your families know come election time. Those in green favor marriage equality, and those in red have publicly stated their opposition within the last year. Hearts and minds are changing fast, so we don’t want to hold people to their words from long ago.
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62 of voters. Freedom Ohio is working to get a marriage-equality measure on the ballot this fall, and a federal court ruling in December ordered the state to recognize out-of-state marriages on people’s death certificates. OKLAHOMA: A federal judge ruled in January that the state’s 2004 marriage ban is unconstitutional. Weddings are on hold, though, until the state can appeal. OREGON: The state constitution bans marriage, but the state recognizes those performed out-of-state. Couples also can enter domestic partnerships. Two federal lawsuits seek full equality. PENNSYLVANIA: State law has banned marriage since 1996, but five federal court cases are pending.
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Those in yellow have declined to state a firm position, while we’ve not yet been able to reach those in black. We’ll continue to call government offices and monitor news coverage to add to this list. It will have a permanent home at outlookohio.com.
U.S. Senate Sherrod Brown (D) Rob Portman (R)
U.S. House
Steve Chabot (R-Cincinnati) Brad Wenstrup (R-Cincinnati) Joyce Beatty (D-Columbus) Jim Jordan (R-Urbana) Bob Latta (R-Bowling Green) 28
february 2014
Bill Johnson (R-Marietta) Bob Gibbs (R-Lakeville) John Boehner (R-West Chester) Marcy Kaptur (D-Toledo) Mike Turner (R-Dayton) Marcia Fudge (D-Warrensville Heights) Pat Tiberi (R-Galena) Tim Ryan (D-Niles) Dave Joyce (R-Novelty) Steve Stivers (R-Upper Arlington) Jim Renacci (R-Wadsworth)
Statewide
Gov. John Kasich (R) Lt. Gov. Mary Taylor (R) Attorney General Mike DeWine (R) Auditor Dave Yost (R) Secretary of State Jon Husted (R) Treasurer Josh Mandel (R)
Ohio Senate
Cliff Hite (R-Findlay) Randy Gardner (R-Bowling Green) Kevin Bacon (R-Minerva Park) Bill Coley (R-Monroe) Bill Beagle (R-Tipp City) Peggy Lehner (R-Kettering) Shannon Jones (R-Springboro) Bill Seitz (R-Cincinnati) Eric Kearney (D-Cincinnati) Chris Widener (R-Springfield) Edna Brown (D-Toledo) Keith Faber (R-Celina) Gayle Manning (R-North Ridgeville) Joe Uecker (R-Loveland) Charleta Tavares (D-Columbus) Jim Hughes (R-Columbus) Bob Peterson (R-Sabina)
John Ecklund (R-Chardon) Kris Jordan (R-Ostrander) Troy Balderson (R-Zanesville) Shirley Smith (D-Cleveland) Larry Obhof (R-Medina) Michael Skindell (D-Lakewood) Tom Patton (R-Strongsville) Nina Turner (D-Cleveland) Dave Burke (R-Marysville) Frank LaRose (R-Copley) Tom Sawyer (D-Akron) Scott Oelslager (R-North Canton) Lou Gentile (D-Steubenville) Tim Schaffer (R-Lancaster) Capri Cafaro (D-Hubbard) Joe Schiavoni (D-Boardman)
Ohio House
Ron Amstutz (R-Wooster) Mark Romanchuk (R-Ontario) Tim Brown (R-Bowling Green) Matt Huffman (R-Lima) Nick Barborak (D-Lisbon) Marlene Anielski (R-Walton Hills) Mike Dovilla (R-Berea) Armond Budish (D-Beachwood) Barbara Boyd (D-Cleveland Heights) Bill Patmon (D-Cleveland) Sandra Williams (D-Cleveland) John Barnes Jr. (D-Cleveland) Nickie Antonio (D-Lakewood) Mike Foley (D-Cleveland) Nicholas Celebrezze (D-Parma) Nan Baker (R-Westlake) Michael Curtin (D-Marble Cliff) Michael Stinziano (D-Columbus) Anne Gonzales (R-Westerville) Heather Bishoff (D-Blacklick)
Mike Duffey (R-Worthington) John Carney (D-Columbus) Cheryl Grossman (R-Grove City) Stephanie Kunze (R-Hilliard) Kevin Boyce (D-Columbus) Tracy Maxwell Heard (D-Columbus) Peter Stautberg (R-Cincinnati) Connie Pillich (D-Cincinnati) Louis Blessing III (D-Cincinnati) Louis Terhar (R-Cincinnati) Denise Driehaus (D-Cincinnati) Dale Mallory (D-Cincinnati) Alicia Reece (D-Cincinnati) Vernon Sykes (D-Akron) Zack Milkovich (D-Akron) Anthony DeVitis (R-Green) Kristina Roegner (R-Hudson) Marilyn Slaby (R-Copley) Fred Strahorn (D-Dayton) Michael Henne (R-Clayton) Jim Butler (R-Oakwood) Terry Blair (R-Dayton) Roland Winburn (D-Dayton) Mike Ashburn (D-Toledo) Teresa Fedor (D-Toledo) Michael Sheehy (D-Toledo) Barbara Sears (R-Perrysburg) Kirk Schuring (R-Canton) Stephen Slesnick (D-Canton) Christina Hagan (R-Alliance) Wes Retherford (R-Hamilton) Margaret Conditt (R-Monroe) Timothy Derickson (R-Oxford) Peter Beck (R-Mason) Matt Lundy (D-Elyria) Dan Ramos (D-Lorain) Terry Boose (R-Norwalk) Robert Hagan (D-Youngstown) Ronald Gerberry (D-Austintown) John Rogers (D-Mentor on the Lake)
Let your friends and family across Ohio know who favors marriage equality.
Ron Young (R-Perry) Ron Maag (R-Lebanon) Sean O’Brien (D-Hubbard) Tom Letson (D-Warren) John Becker (R-Milford) Doug Green (R-Mt. Orab) Andrew Brenner (R-Powell) Margaret Ann Ruhl (R-Mount Vernon) William Batchelder (R-Medina) David Hall (R-Millersburg) Jay Hottinger (R-Newark) Bill Hayes (R-Pataskala) Rick Perales (R-Beavercreek) Bob Hackett (R-London) Kathleen Clyde (D-Kent) Matt Lynch (R-Bainbridge) Gerald Stebelton (R-Lancaster) Ron Hood (R-Ashville) Ross McGregor (R-Springfield) Richard Adams (R-Troy) Lynn Wachtmann (R-Napoleon) Tony Burkley (R-Payne) Robert Sprague (R-Findlay) Jim Buchy (R-Greenville) John Adams (R-Sidney) Dorothy Pelanda (R-Marysville) Jeff McClain (R-Upper Sandusky) Rex Damschroder (R-Fremont) Chris Redfern (D-Catawba) Terry Johnson (R-McDermott) Cliff Rosenberger (R-Clarksville) Gary Scherer (R-Circleville) Ryan Smith (R-Bidwell) Debbie Phillips (D-Albany) Andy Thompson (R-Marietta) Jack Cera (D-Bellaire) Brian Hill (R-Zanesville) Al Landis (R-Dover) John Patterson (D-Jefferson) outlookohio.com
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Be a part of the ultimate whodunnit. Check out Sherlock Holmes at COSI.
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LGBT Wedding Vendor Guide
TRAV
ATTIRE
Wedding Plantation Bridal & Formal Central Ohio’s Oldest Bridal Salon, celebrating 30 years in 2014! Bridal gowns, full service tuxedo & suit rental, prom & pageant, bridesmaids, and accessories. Let our experienced consultants help dress you for any formal occasion! Private & after hours bridal appointments available. 3900 Noe Bixby Rd. Columbus, OH 43232 614.837.5811 www.weddingplantation.net
CATERING
Two Caterers Contemporary Cuisine Two Caterers is a full-service catering company specializing in impressive service and delicious cuisine. Proudly located in Downtown Columbus. 550 South High Street, Columbus, Ohio 43215 614.882.7323 www.twocaterers.com info@twocaterers.com february 2014
DJ
Dangerous Events - Dave Kurtz 614.604.9400 LGBT Friendly wedding and party DJ. A great experience at an affordable price!
GIFTS & DECOR
Ohio Food Truck Finder Want a gourmet food truck for your special day or event? Ohio Food Truck Finder will handle it for you, no hassles! We handle the menu, scheduling, insurance, and permits needed to satisfy you and your guests’ foodie needs! www.ohiofoodtruckfinder.com info@ohiofoodtruckfinder.com Find us on Facebook: www.Facebook.com/OhioFoodTruckFinder
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Cameron Mitchell Catering Your day awaits. 614.848.4700 www.cameronmitchell premierevents.com
The Candle Lab The Candle Lab offers unique wedding favors custom-made for your event. We can make candles in a range of sizes and price points, complete with custom scents and labeling. We also host bachelor/bachelorette parties and wedding showers. 751 N. High Street, Columbus, OH 43215 614.949.1458 www.thecandlelab.com
INVITATIONS
Avant-Garde Impressions Custom invitations, accessories, and gifts for all your event needs. We specialize in custom designs, and we have styles to fit any budget! Westerville/Polaris – By appointment only 614.259.7082 www.agimpressions.com jfletcher@agimpressions.com Miss your chance to be listed? Want to be listed in our online directory? Contact Alexis at 614.268.8525x4 or aperrone@outloomedia.com
OFFICIANTS
Tim Fulton Your wedding, your way. We’ll work together to create a service that reflects the unique couple that you are. PO Box 8012, Columbus, Ohio 43201 614.209.1021 www.timfulton.com teamtim@gmail.com
Erika Flugge Photography Professional wedding and portrait photography in Ohio and the Midwest 614.668.7366 www.erikaflugge.com
PHOTOGRAPHY
Emma Parker Photography
Amy Clark Studios You are unique, and your engagement and wedding photos should be as well. We don’t do cookie-cutter photos. Give us your craziest ideas and we will bring them to life in photographs that you will cherish for a lifetime. 1242 N High St - Short North 614.754.7656 www.amyclarkstudios.com
Amy Ann Photography Turning moments into beautiful memories. Let’s tell your story! Specializing in weddings + portraits in Columbus + beyond. The Knot Best of Weddings 2014 Columbus, OH 614.245.5311 www.amyannphoto.com
Ben Barnes Photography My background is in fine art photography, and I approach each project with a view toward creating a unique, stylish, and artistic documentary of your day. No filler. Creative candids are my specialty, but my goal is always to capture both the posed and the unposed, the conventional and unconventional, in an authentic and beautiful way. I am available for engagements, portraits, weddings, ceremonies and celebrations, big and small, local or destination. 3745 Olentangy Blvd, Columbus, OH 43214 614.302.6753 www.benbarnes.com
www.emmaparkersphotography.com
Columbus, OH 614.397.5664 Energetic, Positive, Eclectic. Emma Parker is a self-proclaimed passionate lifestyle and wedding photographer. She is inspired by her beautiful city, bright colors, funky people and vintage items. She offers the easiest and most relaxed version of portrait photography. She won’t just take your wedding photos, she will also probably end up becoming your best friend. “I love taking pictures of couples who are madly in love and can’t keep their hands off each other.”
Look for these vendors and more at our Love Big: LGBT Wedding Expo on March 30 at High Line Car House.
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TRAVEL/HONEYMOONS
Bliss Honeymoons Let our award winning travel experts help you plan the honeymoon or destination wedding you deserve. Schedule your free consultation today! 921 Chatham Lane Suite 110 614.286.7799 www.blisshoneymoons.com laura@blisshoneymoons.com
Active Travel Our honeymoon packages can be customized to encompass all your requirements to make your honeymoon a perfect trip. Call our specialists to book your trip, as we work closely with you to make your honeymoon dreams a once in a lifetime trip that will create memories that will last a forever! Talk with the experts that have been to the islands to give you firsthand experience. 5064 Cemetery Rd, Hilliard, OH 43026 614.771.6200 or 800-886-6201 www.activetraveldeals.com activetravel@msn.com.
VENUES
Castle Inn Bed & Breakfast The Castle Inn Bed & Breakfast, located in historic Circleville, is Central Ohio’s unique romantic retreat! Featuring romantic stays 365 days a year, a walled in garden, and heart-shaped Jacuzzis for 2, our Inn is the perfect location to relax and unwind for any couple! Our Inn is also available for birthdays, anniversaries, private parties, group murder mysteries, & small weddings and commitment ceremonies. Don’t forget about our famous Murder Mystery stay on the last Friday of every month! Visit our website for current specials & to see our family of wedding services. 610 S Court St, Circleville, OH 43113 740.412-2472 www.castleinn.net
The Ballroom at Oakhurst A mid-century modern gem just minutes from downtown. Featuring curved ballroom & floor-ceiling windows, limestone fireplace, huge veranda. 3223 Norton Road, Grove City, Ohio 43123 614.882.7323 www.twocaterersvenues.com info@twocaterers.com
Srongwater Food and Spirits Strongwater is a bar, restaurant, and event space located in a 100 year old former drinkingfountain manufacturing facility in East Franklinton. The 3,000 sq foot event space encompasses the original manufacturing building. It has original sawtooth windows on the ceiling, a full bar, recently built modern bathrooms, and a holding kitchen for catering. 401 W Town St, Columbus, Ohio 43215 614.928-3170 www.strongwatercolumbus.com strongwatercolumbus@gmail.com
High Line Car House Built in 1873 as a trolley car house and horse barn, High Line is the new beautiful downtown event space by Two Caterers. 550 South High Street, Columbus, Ohio 43215 614.882.7323 www.twocaterersvenues.com info@twocaterers.com Courthouse Wedding Chapel Located just steps from the Franklin County Courthouse, Courthouse Wedding Chapel is Columbus’ most elegant and convenient location for intimate weddings & commitments. Mobile minister services for off site ceremonies available. Come see our new grand chapel with seating for up to 75! Commitment ceremonies welcome. Visit our website for more information! 350 S High St. Columbus, OH 614.220-9110
www.courthouseweddingchapel.com
tiful ry! pord. 2014
o.com
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Alexanders has a wide range of top brands for both men and women. Tell Shane outlook sent ya!
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feature
I Do and Do and Do
Marriage Is Easier Than Divorce for Same-Sex Couples by Brooke Cartus
and it was extremely meaningful.”
On June 26, the U.S. Supreme Court found Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act, the part in which the federal government defined marriage as a union between a man and a woman, to be unconstitutional.
Her second trip down the aisle was less remarkable. “My ex and I were in New York City during the summer of 2011, and queer marriage just became legal. So we just went to Manhattan and did it.”
But DOMA wasn’t dead. And it still isn’t. Section 2 was left unscathed by the court’s decision in Windsor vs. United States. Section 2 gives states the legal right to not recognize same-sex marriages from other states. So if you get married in California and then move to Ohio, you’re out of luck, and also newly single. Lawsuits across the country - in 19 states so far are challenging Section 2, and within a few years, it very well might be declared unconstitutional as well. Then, we can really say DOMA is dead. But what happens then? What happens to the thousands of gay and lesbian Americans who have filed domestic partnerships, civil unions and other government-authorized documentation formalizing their same-sex unions in one state or another? Are they polygamists? For years, we’ve grasped at any formal recognition of our relationships by state and local governments. Before gay marriage? Civil unions. Before civil unions? Domestic partnerships, not to mention the myriad reciprocal contracts created among same-sex couples to protect themselves and their families. What happens when states have to recognize these unions? When Section 2 disappears, states will have to acknowledge not just gay marriages, but also gay divorces and dissolutions. And the only thing lesbians love more than adopting a pitbull from a shelter? Getting married. Dre’ is a queer woman who counts herself as having two marriages under her belt. (She confessed that there was almost a third, but she ran away at the last minute Runaway Bride-style.) Her first union was with her partner in 2004 in Hawaii. “It was like the drive-thru in Vegas,” she said with a laugh. “It was clearly part of their tourism industry, but we had planned it for months
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february 2014
Dre’ isn’t alone. The excitement of marriage equality when it arrives in a new state packs courthouses for weeks at a time with same-sex couples clamoring to be a part of history. Sometimes they’ve been together for decades; sometimes, a few months.
said Ruth Colker, a constitutional law scholar who teaches at OSU’s Moritz College of Law. In December, a Mississippi judge refused to grant a divorce to a lesbian couple who had married in California. One success: In 2011, the Wyoming Supreme Court allowed two women who had married in Canada to dissolve their union in their home state.
Colker said the federal government might not have a copy of Dre’s second marriage, but she’s still technically married. And until Ohio or Pennsylvania legalizes same-sex marriage, Out-of-state couples often she and her ex are in bureau“The marriage may join the marriage-a-thon cratic limbo, with nothing but have been just like that keeps city and a few notarized documents straight folks, but there was no county clerks up all they filed as part of their way to resolve it. But we all do night performing personal “divorce” proceremonies. But ceedings. dumb things when we are in love. when some of ... You don’t want to take the rothose marriages There’s a lesson here: mance out of it by saying, ‘Hey, need to be disWhat happens in New maybe we should do this in a state solved, there’s no York doesn’t stay in New where we could get out of it.’” 24-hour service or York. Those notarized - Dre’, now single, but still excited local news documents are pretty married in New York coverage. And often, much the only legal steps there’s no formal course of Dre’ and her ex can take to sepdissolution. arate their lives and finances. And “we aren’t best friends,” she said. Dre’ lucked out the first time. She has stayed friends with her ex, and when her ex wanted to dis“The marriage may have been just like straight solve the union, Dre’ was on board. “It was all just folks, but there was no way to resolve it,” Dre’ said. a matter of paperwork. It took a few months. It did- “But we all do dumb things when we are in love. ... n’t cost much money, which was really surprising.” You don’t want to take the romance out of it by saying, ‘Hey, maybe we should do this in a state where The second marriage is slightly more complicated. we could get out of it.’” If Dre’ or her ex lived in states that recognize samesex marriage, they could have filed dissolution paBut love isn’t the only reason to get hitched. pers in their state court. But since Ohio (and Pennsylvania, where she recently moved) doesn’t Lori Gum, program director at Stonewall Columbus, recognize same-sex marriage, they’re in a bind. has two domestic partnerships on the books in New York from the 1990s and no intention of disOne of them could move to New York to establish solving them. residency, or just wait until Ohio or Pennsylvania gets its marriage-equality act together. But for “For me, it wasn’t about the actual marriage. It now, in this post-Windsor world, the federal govwas about the public acknowledgement of our reernment still considers Dre’ married, even though lationship in the most remedial way. ... That crumb she and her ex are no longer together. of recognition was all we could get back then.” “There are lawsuits pending in some states about whether a state must grant a same-sex divorce even though it won’t grant a same-sex marriage,”
The descriptor “domestic partner” made every conversation about sexuality a little less difficult with coworkers, parents, friends. “It was the closest we
could get to marriage. It was nice to be able to say, ‘This is my partner.’ We have a piece of paper that says so. As community members, it became a form of activism, and it was all the state would give us, so we took it.” Gum took a different route when she moved to California and entered into a relationship with a woman who had children from a previous marriage. Each filed a pile of paperwork for insurance companies, doctors and schools, for tasks as routine as Lori taking one of the kids to a dentist appointment. Both women sent signed, notarized documents explaining that the other had permission to make decisions for each other as well as the children - even decisions like approving a teeth-cleaning co-pay. “Marriage is so important when you have children. We couldn’t get married, so we took every step we could think of to protect the kids.” What would she do if she could go back to the beginning of the California relationship? “Simple,” she said. “I’d hire a lawyer.” Marc Spindelman, an OSU law professor and constitutional scholar, said the way Ohio gains marriage equality - through a court speaking in constitutional terms or voters making a political decision - will determine how Ohioans who have multiple marriage certificates at the bottom of their dresser drawers can dissolve those unsightly unions for good. When asked if they would ever marry again, Dre’ and Lori Gum both laughed. Gum explained the pickle she’d be in after telling numerous women in past relationships, “Honey, I’d marry ya if I could, but you know, it’s not legal.” Dre’ summed up the challenge most same-sex couples face when they realize they entered into a union that they can’t legally dissolve for the time being. “I totally would get married again. ... Liz Taylor all the way!” she said. “But I would be way more careful this time around.” Brooke Cartus is a blogger, comedian and second-year law student at OSU’s Moritz College of Law. You can follow her at www.brookecartus.com or read her commentaries on outlookohio.com.
If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. Honey, I didn’t like it that much...
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faith
As a 65-year-old gay Catholic man in a 32-year relationship, I grew up in an era when homosexuality was not mentioned in the religious world, and if it was, it was only as sinful degradation. Our only hope for salvation was to live a life of heroic chastity and abstinence. When Pope John Paul II was elected in 1978, he seemed enthusiastic, ecumenical and open to the world. Unfortunately, he appointed Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger to head the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, previously known as the Inquisition. In October 1986, Ratzinger issued a Vatican document entitled, “Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons.” DignityUSA, an organization of gay Catholics working to change the Church’s teachings on gays, was denounced and ordered out of all Catholic property. Any future ministry had to indicate that homosexual activity was immoral.
Why I’M hopeful About Pope Francis 34
february 2014
In 2003, Cardinal Ratzinger issued another document, entitled “Considerations Regarding Proposals to Give Legal Recognition to Unions Between Homosexual Persons.” This document said the Church must work to forbid any legal recognition of our civil unions, whether they were called marriages or not. Our sexuality was called “objectively disordered,” and our acts of love “intrinsically evil.” Again, it demanded a life of abstinence. To my dismay, when John Paul II died, cardinals elected Ratzinger as his successor, Pope Benedict XVI. He issued another document that distinguished homosexual “acts” from homosexual “tendencies” and “same-sex attractions.” Acts were again condemned, but now anyone having homosexual “tendencies” was to be refused admission to the seminary and ultimately the priesthood, completely ignoring my suspicion that a large percentage of Catholic priests were and are gay. Now we look to Pope Francis.
by Joseph Gentilini
Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio, who succeeded Benedict in March, is the first pope from the New World and also the first Jesuit. When he was a cardinal in Argentina, he was known for his humility, his concern for the poor and his commitment to dialogue with others. As pope, indications are that these values are still true. From the very beginning, he demonstrated that he was different. Before he gave his first blessing as
Pope, he asked the crowd for its blessing and prayers. He lives more simply in a common apartment and not in the Apostolic Palace. He wears less formal papal clothes, refuses to wear the papal cape that other popes have worn and doesn’t wear red shoes. And Pope Francis has given several off-the-cuff interviews with reporters and others, to the consternation of some Catholic conservatives. When he was cardinal in Argentina, Francis admitted that he sometimes made decisions independently of consultation with others and was reprimanded for it. So as pope, he has appointed eight cardinals to serve as an advisory council to help him flesh out his ideas. He has said that these real consultations will lead to better decisions. When Pope Francis was asked about his views on gay marriage, abortion and contraception, he said he thinks there has been too much emphasis on these sexual teachings and that any ministry must be done in the context of our lives and not just our sexual lives. Pope Francis is the first pope ever to use the word gay, instead of the more clinical term, homosexual. Will he declare gay love and/or gay marriage morally acceptable any time soon? It is doubtful, but there are still signs of hope. When Francis was cardinal in Argentina, he didn’t support gay marriage. But he did support civil unions, something that his fellow bishops did not, something that the previous two popes did not, and something that the American bishops have not. Pope Francis respects a person’s conscience, saying that if a gay person is sincerely seeking God, then who is he to judge him or her? Vatican II’s Declaration on Religious Freedom, No. 3, 1965, states that a person is bound to follow his or her conscience and no one can be forced to act against it. Pope Francis has added, “It is not possible to interfere spiritually in the life of a person.” I accept his statement, and as a gay Catholic man in relationship, I follow my conscience. The Catholic Church changes slowly, but this pope has started a conversation, and this leads me to be hopeful. Whether or not change happens in my lifetime, change is coming. Joseph Gentilini of Columbus is the author of Hounded By God, a memoir about his life as a gay Catholic and his struggle to understand that God loves him as he is. You can buy the book at the Book Loft in German Village, on amazon.com or through his his website, www.josephgentilini.com.
“If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?” Francis said.
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How do you get the black IN card?
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complete the circuit
When Death Civilizes by Mickey Weems On July 11, 2013, James Obergefell and John Arthur of Cincinnati were married on the tarmac of Thurgood Marshall International Airport in Glen Burnie, Md. Organizing their trip from state to state was not easy. At this stage of his ALS, Arthur was unable to walk. He was taken to Cincinnati’s municipal airport by ambulance and transported by stretcher to the waiting private plane. Arriving with medical personnel, a camera crew and a wedding certificate, Arthur and Obergefell were married in Maryland because Ohio did not - and currently does not - have marriage equality. They never left the cramped cabin of the aircraft. Obergefell’s aunt joined them inside and officiated the wedding. The efforts of John Arthur and James Obergefell inspired Judge Timothy Black, who presides over of the U.S. District Court in southern Ohio. Before Arthur died in October, Black ordered the state of Ohio to acknowledge their marriage on the death certificate it would soon issue. In December he made a temporary order permanent. On July 22, William Ives and David Michener of Cincinnati also were married out of state, this time in Delaware. Nobody knew that Ives would die just a month later. The case for recognizing Ives as married on his state-issued death certificate also went before Judge Black, who ruled a second same-sex marriage valid for that purpose. All of this was possible because of a lawsuit following the 2009 death of Edith Windsor’s wife, Thea Spyer, in New York. It was the Windsor case - involving, at its core, taxes on the inheritance from her late wife - that 36
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inspired the U.S. Supreme Court to strike down a huge portion of the federal Defense of Marriage Act. The Windsor ruling and the court’s decision to strike down a marriage ban in California have opened the door for marriage equality throughout the nation. The delicious irony of three recent federal court rulings - in favor of limited equality in Ohio and complete (but delayed) marriage equality in Utah and Oklahoma - is that the judges in all three states cited Justice Antonin Scalia, the Imperial Wizard of statesponsored homophobia, in their rulings. Wrapping his Gay panic in legal language, Scalia wrote, “As I have said, the real rationale of today’s opinion, whatever disappearing trail of its legalistic arglebargle one chooses to follow, is that DOMA is motivated by ‘bare ... desire to harm’ couples in same-sex marriages. How easy it is, indeed how inevitable, to reach the same conclusion with regard to state laws denying same-sex couples marital status.” No doubt Scalia did not realize his spiteful words would help further the advancement of marriage equality. Death as the Great Equalizer The humanity of any society can be judged by the respect accorded to its dead. It is not surprising, then, that death should be a touchstone for recognition of humane treatment for all, including LGBT people. Just as Matthew Shepard’s murder and the many souls honored in the massive AIDS Quilt won over millions of people in favor of Gay rights, so have deceased partners of one New York and two Ohio couples resulted in
landmark decisions with repercussions for the entire nation. The beauty of love and the tragedy of loss appear to make an irresistible combination in today’s America. Nevertheless, it took the specter of our shared mortality to bring people around. And even then, 2,000 years of murder, suicide and state-sponsored execution, from the first Christian Emperor Theodosius to Adolph Hitler’s concentration camps, were not enough. The difference this time around is that, for these three couples in the beginning of the new millennium, death is firmly linked to long-term loving relationships.
otherwise, they would have been shut down long ago. The argument that freedom of speech gives them the right to disrespect people in mourning is grounded in the fear that, if Westboro were forbidden to oppress us, then homophobic Christians everywhere might have to stop, and those bullies who harass women seeking to terminate their pregnancies could be forced by law to behave as decent citizens. In terms of causing harm, there is no difference between shouting “Fire!” in a crowded theater and picketing a funeral with “God Hates Fags” posters. Both create situations in which people get hurt, either by stampeding as they fear for their lives or the gut-wrenching anger of loved ones for the deceased.
of any y it n a m u h e h T “ ged by In addition, the public d ju e b n a c ty socie speech of funeral to its hate d e rd o c c a t c picketers gives tacit e the resp permission g, lence-proneforpsy-vioin s ri rp u s t o n is dead. It to target be chopaths ld u o h s th a e LGBT victims, just as d then, that bullies in front ion abortion clinicsofget it n g o c re r fo e a touchston , people killed. ll a r fo t n e tm a of humane tre When our oppo” . le p o e p nents realize that T B including LG What This Means Once society fully recognizes that our shared humanity in life is reflected in our common destination in death, LGBT rights will be realized. And some heinous antisocial behaviors will be banned.
our brief time on this earth is reason to accept LGBT difference rather than punish it, all kinds of legal wrongdoing will no longer be tolerated.
You can follow outlook columnist Mickey Weems online at www.mickeyweems.com or at www.qualiafolk.com, a site dedicated to LGBT scholarship.
Westboro Baptist protesters have been able to do what they do because they target Gays;
How do you think marriage equality will be won in Ohio: in the courts or at the ballot box? Vote at outlookohio.com.
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If you had to pick one: Pretty in Pink or Sixteen Candles? If you’re in your 20s, do you even know what we’re asking?
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vs
the mario and debbie show
Groundhog’s dead*. Will you see your shadow?
No. I think I’m a vampire some days, and not one of those stupid teenage fake vampires in Twilight or Buffy. I usually do not like sunny destinations and I love to be under the covers. So, if there were a shadow in front of me, it would be Hubby’s. He is always making sure that I don’t engage in acts of stupidity. I am not one for over-the-top, extravagant romance. It would say, “Shut your pie hole and fuck me.” A nice, simple dinner and a roll in the hay is good enough for me. Every Valentine’s Day was terrible until 2005, when I met Hubby (Yes, this sounds mushy, so piss off). My worst Valentine’s Day was as messy as a Valentine’s Day massacre. I wrote about this trick before: He was a stocky, yet handsome binge-drinker who two-fisted Cosmos and beers most of the evening on Valentine’s Day 2000.
Tell us about your worst Valentine’s Day...
What does your candy heart say?
Back at his place, he vomited on me - twice. I screamed like a horror movie queen and ran to the shower, took a big sweatshirt from his closet and rolled him over on his side. I never got my clothes back and I never saw this man again. Maybe I should start a tradition? President’s Day could become day to eat and to have sex like a colonial - food staples from the 1800s and real lambskin condoms. We could call it a Morningwood Festival! While I am appalled with the behavior of the Russian government toward gays, I feel that I wouldn’t be a good citizen without cheering for our national teams. If we really want to hurt Russia, let’s stop buying mineral fuels, iron and steel from them; these are their highest exports to the USA. Boycotting vodka and the Olympics will have minimal impact.
Well, definitely not my Hubby. He is too short (I am 6’2” and he is 5’8”). Chelsea Handler, though, seems somewhat athletic and adventurous, and willing to skate with a commoner like me. Plus, Chelsea loves to get boozy, so our post-skating adventures would be the best and would qualify for a few chapters in one of her future books.
Taft worked the chubby He got stuck in his tubby Love a good fatty? 38
I will see my shadow and we shall have 52 more weeks of snow! Yay! Don’tcha just love global warming?
If it’s one of those little 39-cents-a-box, chalk-flavored ones made in China, then it would say, GODDESS. If it’s a giant delicious one wrapped in purple cellophane, then it would say, Debbie Dash, you are a bitch. (Which I say translates to goddess.) I was 25 and living in Chicago. It was an ominous Valentine’s night. We had just delivered 20 cases of the best Canadian whiskey to The Green Mill Cocktail Lounge when suddenly five cars pulled up. Next thing you know, absolute chaos ensued. Rat-ta-tat-tat-tat... Uhm, sorry, that was somebody else’s Valentine’s Day...
Are you boycotting the Winter Olympics?
In this life? Every one of them was the worst because I …and have never celebrated VD with a significant. (Sad face.) your best President’s The best President’s Day is yet to come when we will celebrate Hillary Rodham Clinton’s birthday as the holiday! Day. Before we criticize another country’s laws, we should look at our own. I’ll watch the Winter Olympics - I’m addicted to curling - because there are hundreds of straight allies/competitors who have been vocal about GLBTQI equality and they will continue bringing attention to it.
If you I would rather boycott any U.S. state that has placed within its constitution the denial of equality for some of its citizens. So were with that said, I am boycotting Ohio. skating doubles, who My choice would have to be ’84 and ’88 Olympian suwould your partner perstar Katarina Witt. I really don’t remember her be? skating, but she did pose for Playboy. Woot! What more would I need?
Haiku! William Howard Taft
Look at your paycheck See that thing called income tax? Republican Taft
*It’s a joke! No groundhog has been harmed in the making of this column. Punxsutawney Phil and Buckeye Chuck are alive and well, but they better not predict more winter if they know what’s good for them. february 2014
The presidential silhouette is of outlook’s favorite president, James Polk. What a looker.
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Congratulations on your first year in business, Bossy Grrl’s!
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creative class
Strip Show
OSU Cartoon Museum Includes LGBT Comics
by Abel Araya There lies a place where Snoopy strides around vicariously with that gullible yellow-shirted boy, Charlie Brown, where the lethargic Garfield the Cat malingers with the lazy Army private, Beetle Bailey. It is a place where chauvinistic heroes such as Clark Kent and Dick Tracy converge in the endless battles against crime, while antagonists such as the Joker and Flattop Jones continue to terrorize cities. That doesn’t even begin to describe the millions of comic strips inside the walls of the new Billy Ireland Cartoon Library and Museum at OSU. Caitlin McGurk, one of the museum’s curators, said it’s the world’s largest research facility that documents and displays original cartoon art. For decades, OSU’s collection of more than 2.5 million comic strips was housed inside unused rooms in the journalism building. In 2009, university trustees approved a museum and named it after Ireland, a Chillicothe native whose editorial cartoons 40
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Courtesy of The Ohio State University Billy Ireland Cartoon Library & Museum, Milton Caniff Collection (1939)
cluded Mary Wings, creator of the first one-off lesbian book, Come Out Comix (1972), and Dyke Shorts (1976). Roberta Gregory created Dynamite A $7 million gift from the Elizabeth Ireland Damsels (1976), the first lesbian underGraves Foundation, managed by Ireland’s ground serial comic book and the characgranddaughter, helped pay for an expan- ter Bitchy Bitch. sion from 6,800 square feet to more than 30,000. Decades’ worth of archival comic Since then, even more gay comic-art crestrips and pop culture history now is in the ators have pushed the envelope with work newly renovated home in Sullivant Hall. that’s graphically erotic and sometimes sexually explicit. The Toronto Comics Art Included in the wide array of comic strips Festival, co-founded by a gay man named dating from the 1930s to the present is a Christopher Butcher, has queer-focused hefty amount of LGBT-themed work. The panels and queer-comic programs focusearliest is Milton Caniff’s 1934 comic strip ing on the LGBT themes that have existed Terry and the Pirates. Caniff introduced in comics past and present. Sanjak, a French woman who crossdresses in disguise, as the first lesbian “There’s a lot of comic creators right now. character in a comic. So with that increasing, so will the gay creators, and there probably will only be During the 1970s and ’80s, an increasing more,” McGurk said. “There’s books about number of gay creators started what’s transgenderism and things such as that, called the Underground Comic Movement. which is getting more and more popular to Gay Comix, created in 1980 by Howard write about. People feel comfortable talkCruse, featured the work of gay, lesbian ing about basically anything through and transgender artists who had close ties comic formats, and I consider it [comic with the gay-liberation movement. art] to be most accessible art form of all time. It’s basically just doodles and words Artists producing work for Gay Comix inon a page.” and comics appeared in The Columbus Dispatch from 1898 until his death in 1935.
Must Reads
Don’t miss these LGBT comics and graphic memoirs at OSU’s Billy Ireland Cartoon Library and Museum. It’s in Sullivant Hall, 1813 N High St, and it’s open Tuesdays through Sundays from 1p-5p: • Potential, by Ariel Schrag (2000) • Gaylord Phoenix, by Edie Fake (2010) • Fun Home, by Alison Bechdel (2006) • Anarcoma, by Nazario (1980) • Rude Girls and Dangerous Women, by Jennifer Camper (1994) • The Desert Peach, by Donna Barr (1988) • Hothead Paisan: Homicidal Lesbian Terrorist, by Diane DiMassa (1991) [Pictured, courtesy of The Ohio State University Billy Ireland Cartoon Library & Museum]
A cross-dressing, French, lesbian spy? Eat your heart out, Victor/Victoria!
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It’s never too late to get in shape or get an education. Get out of the rabbit hole already.
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deep inside hollywood by Romeo San Vicente
RICHARD PRYOR: FROM ONE GAY DIRECTOR TO ANOTHER?
Remember that Richard Pryor movie that was supposed to happen with Eddie Murphy and director Bill Condon (Dreamgirls, The Fifth Estate)? It’s not happening anymore.
Michael B. Jordan (Fruitvale Station). Although Pryor died in his 60s, the biopic will cover the groundbreaking comic during his 30s, which would make a Wayans or Jordan choice more appropriate. And no matter what happens, don’t hold your breath for this one.
That’s Hollywood. Oh, wait, now it might be happening again, just not with either of those guys. Now talks with Lee Daniels (The Butler) have begun and, while Murphy is still being It’ll probably happen eventually. But considered for the role, so are younger just look at how long it took The Nor- hasn’t aired. OK, yes, it’s slated for actors like Marlon Wayans and mal Heart to get anywhere. And it still May on HBO. But you get it.
HEE HAW!
MO’NIQUE IS FINALLY READY FOR AN ENCORE Academy Award winners and career heat: They go together like peanut butter and jelly. Unless you’re Mo’Nique, of course. Then you hang back and chill until something you really want to do comes along.
ington and executive-produce the film, which is based on Larry Duplechan’s novel about a black teenage boy (newcomer Julian Walker) coming out as gay in the South and dealing with divorcing parents and a sister who disappears.
If Green Day can go Broadway then the same thing can happen for old-fashioned country music, right?
It took a while, but she’ll make her next big-screen appearance in the new indie from gay filmmaker Patrik Ian Polk (Noah’s Arc) titled Blackbird. She’ll co-star alongside Isaiah Wash-
Due for a 2014 release after finishing production in Mississippi, look for this one to find its way to an arthouse (or VOD platform) near you sooner rather than later.
THE OPRY HEADS TO BROADWAY
That’s the reasoning behind the move to bring TV’s oneand-only vintage country variety show, Hee Haw, to the stage. Steve Buchanan, head of Opry Entertainment Group, is developing Hee Haw: The Musical for arrival on Broadway in spring of 2015. A recent script reading (written by 13 co-creator Robert Horn) impressed a roomful of producers, and Nashville hitmakers Shane McAnally and Brandy Clark are already cranking out songs for the show. Instead of mimicking the TV show’s variety format, the story involves a young woman from Kornfield Kounty determined to see the world before she settles down with her boyfriend. Of course, word is that characters from the show, beloved folks like Lulu Roman, Grandpa Jones and Junior Samples, are a part of the action, which leads us to believe that those people all live somewhere along the Seine until discovered by our heroine. Or maybe not. Whatever tweaks are made to the program’s contributions to popular country culture, you can bet that tourists from the South (and, well, everywhere else, too) are going to eat it up like a bowl of buttered grits. Last question: Will Harvey Fierstein (pictured) play Lulu or Minnie Pearl? SAHHHH-LOOT! 42
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COMMAND PERFORMANCE: DIRECTORS TACKLE BIG 10 The Ten Commandments. Who doesn’t love those tips for living? All that shalt-not-murdering and avoiding-covetousness and quitdoing-it-with-your-neighbor’s-wife: They’re very popular. And now they’re going to be a miniseries from The Weinstein Company on WGN America. The 10-part scripted series will employ a variety of filmmakers to tackle each golden rule, people like Michael Cera (pictured), Jim Sheridan (Dream House) and Wes Craven (A Nightmare on Elm Street).
(The Butler) and Gus Van Sant (My Own Private Idaho) are also on board, putting their own contemporary (and maybe queer?) spin on the material. There’s no casting news yet, but it could turn into a major ensemble event if everything comes together. One problem, though: If they include the one about graven images, doesn’t that make turning it into a film sort of automatically sinful? Oh well, can’t win them all, can you?
Acclaimed gay directors Lee Daniels
“Booty is just a ghetto expression, and I'm just a booty star.” -Richard Pryor
Romeo San Vicente is made of sin. And gluten. But mostly sin. He can be reached at DeepInsideHollywood@qsyndicate.com. outlookohio.com
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Liz Lessner’s latest, The Torpedo Room, is now open at the Gateway Film Center.
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interview
Playing for Our Team
Former Pro Wade Davis Reflects on Life in the NFL
If you can judge a man by his pink high-top sneakers, you’d be right about Wade Davis.
only openly gay kid that I knew. We’ll call him John Smith. But we never in my high school called him John Smith. We only referred to him He’s out and proud - and in his sixth month as as the faggot John Smith. That was his name executive director of You Can Play, he’s one of a every day. few African-Americans who’ve had the opportunity to lead a national LGBT organization. When I think back on that, why I picked on John Smith so much was because I envied him. He The former professional football player came to showed real courage. I didn’t have the courage Columbus in January for Gay Hockey Ohio’s to exist in the world as I really was. second annual Pride Night, hosted with OSU for a men’s hockey game vs. Michigan State. At a I’ve tried to befriend John Smith, pre-game gathering, he spoke with writer and and what hurts me now is I blogger Brooke Cartus and answered questions have sent him a Facefrom the audience. book message and he will not respond. And Here’s Davis’s take on homophobia (including he shouldn’t; I was his own), trying to be one of the boys and work- an awful human ing with LGBT youth: being.
On coming out to friends... One of my best friends, when I told him I was gay, he was like, “But you think Beyonce’s hot, right?” On gays in the closet... I actually hate the term, “in the closet.” It’s filled with shame. ...
We would go to a club and I would bring a girl back to my hotel room and we would just sit and talk for hours and hours, and the next day I think when we imagine gay people as visible, ... I would tell all my friends these really terrible who just haven’t chosen to disclose their sexu- stories about what I didn’t do. ality, we start to remove some of the shame and the denial that So thank you, Red Shoe Diaries, because I exists in our community. didn’t know what to do with a girl.
I hate the term,
On “sports culture”... I think there’s a common misconception that sports culture is this culture that is really homophobic, but really, in a lot of ways, sports is one of the few places where athletes are used to dealing with someone who’s different.
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On gay players in the NFL... There are probably two to three gay players on each NFL team, and most of their teammates actually know about it and they really don’t care. What most teams don’t want is the media.
‘in the
On coming out to family... When I first told my mother I was gay, the first thing she said was, “That’s an abomination.” [It took about three years, he said, but his mother now There are people from different races, different accepts him.] The second thing she said was, religions, different classes. The reason I wasn’t “You’re already black.” out while I was playing had a lot less to do with sports but more about what I was groomed to At that moment, I knew exactly what my believe about what it meant to be gay. mother meant. She understood that being a black man in America meant that I would face certain challenges, and that also being a gay On being a bully: There was a kid in my high school who was the man meant having challenges as well.
got our first check. It was like $17,000, and I was like really excited. And the next thing I know, I was going to strip clubs every night, and I was paying for all the other players ... because I wanted to fit in so bad.
closet’
If you’re an NFL player and you’ve never known a gay person, and someone says, “Hey, how do you feel about showering with Wade Davis?,” you’re probably going to say something really stupid. On his days as one of them... My first year with the [Tennessee] Titans, we
Do you want to play? Just Do It! And check out www.youcanplayproject.org.
On learning from young people... My first week at Hetrick-Martin [a New York agency for LGBT youth where he worked in 2012], there was this young trans girl on the subway train. ... People looked at her with such horror, such disdain, and I thought, wow, how terrible her life must that she exists in the world every day and people look at her with hatred ... and I remember going back home and almost crying. And then probably a month later, I saw the same young girl on the same exact train and she got the same exact looks, but I noticed something else about her. She was still here. She’s much stronger than I’m giving her credit for. It helped me look at young people from a strength lens instead of always from a deficit. outlookohio.com
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But Whips and Chains Excite Me
bookmark
Sex Therapist’s Book Peeks Under the Hood of BDSM
by Tom Muzyka In addition to our orientation along the gayto-straight spectrum, sexuality also includes a wide range of interests from vanilla to taboo. So let’s talk about kink. This area of sexuality doesn’t get much acknowledgment, but author and sex therapist David Ortmann seeks to correct the oversight through his book, Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities. Think of it as a 101 on kink in the bedroom. Or attic. Or sex dungeon... Tom Muzyka: What was your path to becoming a sex therapist? Any recommendations (or warnings) for readers who are interested in the field? David Ortmann: It started out when I was a teacher, here in America, then in Europe and back here in America again. For some reason people have been talking about sex with me for as long as I can remember. It’s always been that way. In the long run, I didn’t feel I had the sexual education or the autonomy to meet young people’s questions candidly when it came to sex. So I ventured off into the land of psychology, sex education and social work and became a therapist. TM: Why do BDSM community members need to come out to everyone in their 46
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lives? Is this more for those who practice 24/7 relationships, so their sexuality will be evident outside of intimate settings? In my mind, what someone does in the bedroom is private and doesn’t need to be disclosed to anyone except for sexual partners, so I don’t see why BDSM would be any different. DO: First of all, no one needs to come out. That is a very personal choice. Many people who do come out report that BDSM or leather occupy integral parts of their identity and spirit. To be open about this is to stop hiding and denying an important part of the self. From a psychological and spiritual perspective, there is no healthier action.
ested in exploring their kinky side, and you list additional resources for those wanting to learn more. Some of your testimonials are quite graphic, so wouldn’t the uninitiated need baby steps before getting the full picture? DO: My book is for everyone - kinky, nonkinky, ... medical doctors, therapists, sex educators, students and more. There is something in there for everyone. Sexual Outsiders is a pretty gentle book. The first few chapters are the baby steps. Buy the book and read it. If my mother could, so can you.
TM: What would you Where else are we going say to someone who David Ortmann to learn about sex if not from looks like he or she is one another? From the media? From going to engage in risky sexual the Kardashians? Pleeease! behavior? What challenges do you face in confronting traditionally taboo topics with Will they learn about their bodies at school shy clients? through antiseptic, abstinence-based proDO: I believe in personal power and responsigrams and virginity cults? Or will they rely on bility, for the most part. If people choose to their equally misinformed, I-don’t-want-todo risky things, that’s their prerogative. If talk-about-this-right-now parents? C’mon. you’re going to ride a motorcycle, it’s wise to ... We can’t afford the luxury of taking sex ed- wear a helmet. I’ll even help you pick one ucation for grated. out. If you’re going to have vaginal or anal intercourse, I would recommend wearing a TM: Your book is aimed at people intercondom. ... I’d peek under your hood, but I don’t know a thing about cars.
I can’t control what people do. It’s not my job and it’s not my responsibility. I can make suggestions, sometimes loudly - but ultimately we’re all driving our own lives. TM: Can you share your most awkward experiences in a therapy session? Or if not, give an example of the less glamorous side of sex therapy? How about the most fun you’ve had in your work? DO: I will say that I am very good at what I do and that I can’t begin to take anything near full credit for that. I have a psychotherapist who’s raised me and trained me, challenged me and loved me for the last 13 years. ... I’ve also got a hands-on sexual therapist who also happens to hold advanced law and psychology degrees. Smart people turn me on. He’s a genius with his mind and an artist with his body. He puts me through my sexual, philosophical and meditative paces regularly. He teaches me discipline, mindfulness and the power of calm. He shows me the ropes, and then ties me up with them. David Ortmann is licensed psychotherapist, sex therapist, educator, keynote speaker, and author. You can purchase his book and learn more about his work in BDSM sexuality at his website, davidortmann.com.
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Looks like the Captain has taken to musical theater.
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I ♥ the nightlife
Sing It, Sister! by Abel Araya Gay bars and karaoke. They go together like, well... gay bars and drink specials. So how about gay bars and drink specials and karaoke? Umm... yes, please! Here’s a rundown of karaoke nights in Columbus and Cleveland, along with the drink specials that go along with them:
COLUMBUS
AWOL Bar: Mondays (10p) and Thursdays (9p), Futuristic Karaoke with $2.50 well drink specials. Also, through Feb 26, AWOL and Cavan Irish Pub are cohosting a karaoke contest. Cavan Irish Pub: Tuesdays and Fridays, 10p-2a, with $3 Cherry Bombs.
BARS + CLUBS
GAYLUMBUS NIGHTLIFE 1. AWOL/The Barracks 49 Parsons Ave, 614.621.8779, awolbar.com 1b. Manhole-Columbus 684 Oak St, 773.555.5555 FB: Manhole-Columbus 2. Axis 775 N High St, 614.291.4008, columbusnightlife.com 3. Cavan Irish Pub 1409 S High St, 614.725.5502, cavanirishpub.com 4. Club 20 20 E Duncan St, 614.261.9111, FB: Club 20 5. Club Diversity 863 S High St, 614.224.4050, clubdiversity.com 6. Exile 893 N Fourth St, 614.294.0069, exilebar.com 7. Fuel - REPORTED CLOSED 1312 S High St, 614.725.0130, FB: Fuel Bar
8. Level 700 N High St, 614.754.1342, www.levelcolumbus.com 9. The Garage 40 E Long St, 614.205.4317 garagecolumbus.com 10. Slammers 202 E Long St, 614.221.8880, FB: Slammers 11. Southbend 126 E Moler St, 614.444.3386, FB: Southbend Tavern 12. Toolbox Saloon 744 Frebis Ave, 614.670.8113, FB: The Toolbox Saloon 13. Tremont 708 S High St, 614.444.2041, tremontlounge.com 14. Union 782 N High St, 614.421.2233, columbusnightlife.com 15. Wall Street 144 N High St, 614.464.2800, wallstreetnightclub.com
Karaoke Nights Unleash Your Inner Diva Club 20: Fridays starting at 10p, plus $3 Absolut vodkas.
Club Diversity: Sunday night karaoke with DJ Calvin (or Jason) starts at 7p, paired with specials on well drinks; Miller Lite and Bud Light. Happy Hour is from 4p-7p. Exile: Wednesday night karaoke with $3.50 Smirnoff drinks. Southbend Tavern: Mondays, Calvin’s Karaoke starts at 9p, with shot specials. Toolbox Saloon: Wednesday karaoke contests at 9p. Happy Hour is from noon-9p with well drinks, Miller Lite and Bud Light for $1.75.
1. Bounce 2814 Detroit Ave, 216.357.2997, bouncecleveland.com 2. Cocktails 9208 Detroit Ave, 216.961.3115, FB: Cocktails Cleveland 3. Flex 2600 Hamilton Ave, 216.812.3304, flexspas.com 3b. Mean Bull 1313 E 26th St, 216.812.3330, meanbull.com
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Erin’s favorite karaoke song is anything by Rush.
Tremont Lounge: Karaoke is Wednesday and Saturday nights, but there are no drink specials.
Union Café: Monday night pizza and pints ($10 pizzas, $2 drafts) with late night karaoke at 10p.
CLEVELAND
Bounce: Tuesdays at 10p, Industry Night with different specials every week.
Cocktails: Wednesdays and Sundays at 9p, drink specials vary.
4. Leather Stallion Saloon 2205 St Clair Ave NE 216.589.8588 FB: Leather Stallion Saloon
5. The Hawk 11217 Detroit Ave, 216.521.5443, thehawkbar.com 6. Twist 11633 Clifton Blvd, 216.862.3987
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This year GLBT filmmakers are a focus of CIFF. Come check out more than 200 of them!
february 2014
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Out & About
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SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 1 ALL IN ONE RHYTHM Tropicália @ Wexner Center for the Arts, 1871 N High St, 614.292.3535, www.wexarts.org: You may not understand their fever for futbol, but this documentary will shed light on one of the country’s most colorful and iconic artistic movements, described as “a rush of cosmopolitan, liberationist optimism.” 7p; $6-$8.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 2 HE’S MINE OR I AM HIS National Theatre Live: Coriolanus @ Gateway Film Center, 1550 N High St, 614.545.2255, gatewayfilmcenter.com: Tom Hiddleston, Loki in Avengers, is Caius Martius Coriolanus, the craziest fictional Roman that the Bard ever conjured. See the film and play the forthcoming, uber-popular game “Who Coriolanused Better: Tom Hiddleston or Ralph Fiennes?” 7p-9p; $6.50 students, $10 general admission. I HAVE WAITED SO LEONG FOR THIS CONCERT CityMusic: Dana Leong Trio @ Via Vecchia Winery, 485 S Front St, 614.893.5455, citymusiccolumbus.org: Classical meets contemporary jazz and pop. So... Beethoven meets Wynton Marsalis meets Lady Gaga? Sure, why not? I’m in. 2p; $13.75-$27.50. MONDAY, FEBRUARY 3 HOLD TIGHT, THEY’RE COMING The Hold Steady @ A&R Music Bar, 391 Neil Ave, 614.461.5483, www.promowestlive.com: The Hold Steady emanates the sound of groups like The Replacements and The Grifters, and the quartet will be performing songs from the five albums, including their newest release, Heaven Is Whenever. 7p; $18 in advance, $20 day of show. TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 4 SO IT’S NOT A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL? A Great Big World @ A&R Music Bar, 391 Neil Ave, 614.461.5483, www.promowestlive.com: Duo Ian Axel and Chad Vaccarino teamed up at NYU and haven’t looked back since. Best known for “This Is the New Year,” which was performed on Glee, and “Say Something” with pop diva Christina Aguilera, the group focuses on piano-driven songs with harmonies a-plenty. 7p; $12 in advance, $15 day of show. WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 5 DANDY OF THE SEVEN SEAS Shipwrecked! An Entertainment @ Studio Two Riffe Center, 77 N High St, 614.460.7214, www.catco.org: Fans of petticoats and pirates rejoice, there’s a play just for you. A Victorian raconteur is either a con man or rousing seaman. You be the judge of his tales. (Show runs through Feb 23) 11a; $11-41.
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THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 6 PRETTY IN PERSON Don’t You Forget About Me: Molly Ringwald Sings the Great American Songbook @ Southern Theatre, 21 E Main St, 614.340.1896, www.capa.com: Before she was giving out earrings to delinquents and panties to nerds, Molly Ringwald was known primarily as the jazz singing heir to a Dixie Jazz family, and with the release of her album Except... Sometimes, she’s returning to her roots with accompaniment from the Columbus Jazz Orchestra. 7:30p; $30. YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR HAT ON Throb Thursday @ The Toolbox Saloon, 744 Frebis Ave, 614.670.8113, Facebook: The Toolbox Saloon: A good ol’ strip show featuring Jorden Marlo and Donte Morningwood, hosted by Rushena Fontaine. Think “Donte Morningwood” is his real name? Maybe it’s Jim Morningwood. 10p; free. (Don’t forget your singles.) FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 7 THE SURRY WITH THE FRINGE ON TOP A Grand Night for Singing @ The Garden Theater, 1187 N High St, 614.725.4042, shortnorthstage.org: A Rodgers and Hammerstein revue with songs from Oklahoma, South Pacific, and Sound of Music. (Show runs through Feb 23) 8p; $25-$30. SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 8 SMARTY PANTS Erin Foley’s “Lady With Pockets” Tour @ Woodlands Tavern, 1200 W 3rd Ave, 415.326.6339, www.natbookings.com: Nationally known lesbian comedian, actress and writer Erin Foley brings her new comedy show, “Lady With Pockets” to Columbus. Is a lady pocket a euphemism for...? Never mind, don’t answer that. 9p; $15-20. SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 9 HELENA TROY IS GIVING ME LIFE! Project Glamazon @ Wall Street, 144 N Wall St, 614.464.2800, www.wallstreetnightclub.com: It’s the annual drag contest to become a Glamazon and there’s a lot of fierce competition out there, so you betta werq, hunty. 9p; $8. LOVING OUT LOUD Soulforce Presents: Transfiguration & Transformation @ First Congregational Church, 444 E Broad St, 614.228.1741, www.soulforce.org: Transfiguration and Transformation: People & Communities Living Out Loud With Love is a symposium on faith-based activism for the LGBTQ communities. Special guests will include Dr. Bill Kondrath of the Episcopal Divinity School and the Rev. Dr. Mel White, co-founder of Soulforce. 11a; free.
Been to the redone Arena Grand Theater yet? Come to Network on Feb 12 for a looksie!
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 10 ROBERT DOWNEY JR. OR BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH? International Exhibition of Sherlock Holmes @ COSI, 333 W Broad St, 614.228.2674, www.cosi.org: Take a deep look into how Sir Arthur Conan Doyle inspired great advancements in forensic science. On display will be original artifacts and objects from Doyle’s schoolbooks, as well as an interactive experience to the exhibit. So, it’s like COPS with class. 10a-5p; $20.95-$25.95. TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 11 WHERE THE DOUBLE RAINBOWS START TO LOOK LIKE TRIPLE RAINBOWS The Mirage and the Rainbow @ OSU Urban Arts Space, 50 W Town St, Suite 30, 614.292.8861, uas.osu.edu: The 2014 master of fine arts thesis exhibition has “rainbow” in the title, so it has to be at least a little gay, right? 11a-6p; free. WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 12 IT’S WHO YOU KNOW Network Columbus @ Studio Movie Grill Arena Grand Theater, 175 W Nationwide Blvd, www.networkcolumbus.com: Tonight features a special look at SMG, free food, cash bar and $5 screening of Pompeii post Network. 6p-8p; free to attend, $5 for film. IT’S LIKE A GEORGIA O’KEEFFE PAINTING UP IN HERE Vagina Monologues Open Cast/Crew Call @ Wall Street Nightclub, 144 N Wall St., 614.398.1110, wallstreetnightclub.com: No experience necessary, so even if you have acting capabilities of Keanu Reeves, they won’t turn you away. Performance is March 21-22 to benefit BRAVO. 7p-9p; free. THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13 GIRLS ROCK Backstage at the Lincoln: Fresh Wreckage @ Lincoln Theatre, 769 E Long St, 614.469.0939, www.capa.com: A femalefronted five-piece rock group local to Columbus? Yes, please! Fresh Wreckage performs their Battle of the Bands-worthy set at the Lincoln Theatre. 7p; $10. FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 14 ONE PILL MAKES YOU LARGER, AND ONE PILL MAKES YOU SMALL BalletMet: Alice In Wonderland @ Capitol Theatre, 77 S High St, 614.460.7211, www.balletmet.org: Follow Alice down a rabbit hole where she meets a talking caterpillar, a mad hatter and tries to outwit a queen with an anger problem. Sounds like an acid trip, but that’s just the mind of C.S. Lewis. 8p; $25-$60. THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD DRINK Columbus Gay Men’s Chorus: Vox on the Rocks @ Columbus Performing Arts Center, 614.228.2462, www.cgmc.com: Got a date yet? Maybe? Bring them along or soothe your sorrows with CGMC’s select ensemble, Vox, and celebrate the national day of love with laughter and life. 8p-10p; $20. outlookohio.com
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SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 15 REUNITED, AND IT FEELS SO GOOD Remo’s Reunion @ the Toolbox Saloon, 744 Frebis Ave, 614.670.8113, Facebook: The Toolbox Saloon: Before there was Cavan Irish Pub, there was Woofs. Before Woofs there was Remo’s, and people miss it enough to host a reunion at a completely different space. 4p; free.
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 19 IF THEY’RE ORIGAMI, ARE THEY STILL A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND? Paper Diamond @ Newport Music Hall, 1722 N High St, 614.294.1659, www.promowestlive.com: Alex Botwin, better known as Paper Diamond, is a DJ who creates electronic music that is “genre-defying.” It must be true, because it’s impossible to find a description of his music. 8p; $18-20.
DON’T STEAL MY SPIRIT GUM Royal Renegades: Dynamic Duos @ Wall Street Nightclub, 144 N Wall St, 614.398.1110, wallstreetnightclub.com: The Renegades celebrate 13 years of bearded bliss by giving us a glimpse behind the scenes. 8p; $8, $40 tables.
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 20 THAT OL’ BILLY SHAKESPEARE COULD SPIN A YARN Broadcast Screening of Royal Shakespeare Company’s Richard II @ Wexner Center for the Arts, 1871 N High St, 614.292.3535, www.wexarts.org: An encore screening directed by Gregory Doran with David Tennant in the title role. 7p; $6-$8.
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 16 LOVE YOUR HAIR, HOPE YOU WIN Miss Gay Capital City America @ Wall Street Nightclub, 144 N Wall St, 614.398.1110, wallstreetnightclub.com: This pageant will honor local favorites Selena T. West, Britney Blaire and Kirby Kolby. 5p registration, 8p show; $5.
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THERE’S NO BASEMENT AT THE ALAMO Beer and a Movie @ Studio 35 Cinema & Drafthouse, 3055 Indianola Ave, 614.261.1581, www.studio35.com: Pee Wee’s Big Adventure is playing on the screen, and Deschutes Brewery is playing at the bar. 3p beer tasting, 5p movie; $25.
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MONDAY, FEBRUARY 17 BEING BRANDT sticky/dusty/wet @ Columbus Museum of Art, 480 E Broad St, 614.221.6801, columbusmuseum.org: Los Angeles-based photographer Matthew Brandt toys with the photographic process by using elements such as bubblegum, honeybees, dust and water to great effect. 10a-5:30p; $5-$12.
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Something to Do Everyday this Month!
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 18 A BAND OF OTTERS Kings of Leon @ Value City Arena, 555 Borror Dr, 614.292.2624, www.schottensteincenter.com: After their three-year hiatus, the Tennessee natives return to Columbus still riding high off their 2013 release, Mechanical Bull. Oh, how I wouldn’t mind riding that bull. 7:30p; $30-$55.50.
I AM WONDER MIKE, AND I’D LIKE TO SAY “HELLO” Available Light Theatre: How We Got On @ Vern Riffe Center: Studio One Theatre, 77 S High St, 614.558.7408, www.avltheatre.com: An “authentic, Midwestern hip-hop fable.” So, Eminem in 8 Mile? A limited amount of “pay what you want” tickets are available at the door. 8p; $20. FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 21 HE’LL LIGHT YOU UP Bruce Munro: Light Enter @ Franklin Park Conservatory, 1777 E Broad St, 614.715.8000, www.fpconservatory.org: Oh, you thought this was supposed to close at the beginning of the month? We did too. Luckily, for you procrastinators, the exhibit was extended until March 30. Now there’s plenty of time to go, take pictures and put them on your Instragram - like everyone else. 5p-11p; $6-$15. SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 22 THINK MOULIN ROUGE Toulouse-Lautrec and La Vie Moderne: Paris 1880-1910 @ Columbus Museum of Art, 480 E Broad St, 614.221.6801, www.columbusmuseum.org: This exhibit highlights the vast works by the great avant-garde artists in Paris around the turn of the 20th century. 10a-5:30p; $5-$12.
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SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 23 IF YOU CAN PLAY, YOU CAN PLAY LGBT Pride Day @ Schottenstein Arena, 555 Borror Dr, 614.688.3939, www.ohiostatebuckeyes.com: Watch the OSU women’s basketball team dribble circles around Northwestern. Come to a special networking event before the game in the Board Room at 11a; $6.60.
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 24 BODY BY BRONTE Madness and Lust @ Shadowbox Live, 503 S Front St, 614.416.7625, www.shadowboxlive.org: This dance theater production dives right into the dark side of human desire in this performance based on Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights. 7:30p; $20-$30. TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25 WITH THE SCISSORS IN THE SALON Mayhem and Mystery Dinner Theater: Wigged-Out Wake @ Spaghetti Warehouse, 397 W Broad St, 937.287.5453, www.mayhemmystery.com: Guests are caught in the midst of a murder mystery after Tawny Quiff learns that her former mentor, Elias Pompadour, was murdered. My guess it was Tawny. 7p-9:30p; $29.95. WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 26 LET THE NOTES FLOW Backstage at the Lincoln: Ebb & Flow @ Lincoln Theatre, 769 E Long St, 614.469.0939, www.capa.com: Ebb & Flow is a local group whose style is a unique blend of contemporary jazz and R&B, performing their own compositions as well as old-school favorites. 7p; $10. THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 27 BEETLE BAILEY WAS A BIG ’MO Treasures from the Collections @ OSU Billy Ireland Cartoon Library and Museum, 1813 N High St, 614.292.0538, www.cartoons.osu.edu: From Dick Tracy to Terry and the Pirates, the museum features some of the greatest (and queer) cartoon work in history. Noon-5p; free. FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 28 THE STAGE HATH NO FURY LIKE A CAGED LADY La Cage aux Folles @ Wall Street Nightclub, 144 N Wall St, 614.398.1110, www.imaginecolumbus.com: Based on the Jean Poiret play, Harvey Fierstein and Jerry Herman’s adaptation depicts the dysfunction of un-wedded couple Georges and Albin. George’s son tells his dads that he is soon to marry the daughter of a bigoted, right wing politician to hilarious results. 7:30p; $17. Getting your event in outlook or our weekly eblast is easy. Simply email it to editor@outlookmedia.com with subject OUT&ABOUT.
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“Good morning Mr Breakfast!”
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savage love
by Dan Savage
q
Five years ago, my wife and I decided to pursue her MFM threesome fantasy. Part of her fantasy was that the other chap have a BBC (big black cock), so we advertised and met this great guy who we’ve seen three times a year ever since. He is nice and open-minded, and we’ve become so comfortable with our BBC that we meet at our home now instead of a hotel. So there are respectful and safe people out there to be found! The issue I’m writing about is a problem with me. After our BBC ejaculates in my wife - everyone is tested and free of STIs - I enjoy going down on her, he enjoys watching me go down on her, and she enjoys having me lick the interloper’s come from her pussy. That isn’t the problem.
a
So your regular third with the big cock is nice, openminded and STI-free. Sounds great, CREAMPIE, but how can you be certain about the STI-free part when you see him only three times a year? Unless he’s abstinent the rest of the year, or unless you test before each of your threesomes, there’s some risk here. You also describe your regular third as “respectful,” and that’s great. We all deserve respectful sex partners. You do, CREAMPIE, your wife does - and so does your regular third. But referring to your regular third as BBC, or “big black cock,” isn’t respectful. It’s dehumanizing. Now, his big black cock brought you all together, perhaps, and it’s fine to be attracted to others for particular physical attributes. It’s also fine to explore racially charged fantasies so long as everyone is up for it and no one feels disrespected or dehumanized. But since this big black cock is attached to a fun and trustworthy guy who you enjoy spending time with (and 52
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The problem arises when our BBC isn’t in the picture. We enjoy talking about our dirty threesomes, and we both talk about how hot it will be when I go down on her after I’ve unloaded in her myself. Unfortunately, once I’ve made my deposit, I have zero desire to go down on her. It’s like someone flips a switch in my brain, and something I couldn’t wait to do is suddenly repulsive to me. This problem doesn’t arise in our threesomes because our BBC always comes before I do. What is my issue? Is there a fix? - Can’t Really Eat All My Pecker’s Icky Emissions
cleaning up after), maybe you could refer to him as your ABC (“awesome black chum”) instead of as your BBC? Just, you know, to show some respect for him as a person. Which is what he is. Anyway, CREAMPIE, as for your problem: A man’s body releases the hormone prolactin when he comes. That particular hormone makes a man sleepy, it makes his boner deflate, and it temporarily renders him indifferent to and/or repulsed by sex. So something that sounded hot right before you came eating your own come out of your wife’s pussy - is going to be much less appealing right after you come. It’s a snatch-22, CREAMPIE, and there’s no fix. Savage Love appears every month in outlook and every week at outlookcolumbus.com. You can email Dan Savage at mail@savagelove.net, follow him on Twitter at @fakedansavage or listen to his weekly podcast, “Savage Lovecast,” every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
Who doesn’t like a nice cream pie? The pie above, however, is a meringue.
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the divine life by Debé Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) It’s your turn in the spotlight! Dramatic changes may be in store for you as you re-evaluate and, perhaps, reinvent yourself this month. Be courageous and bold through this busy time. I’ll tell Mr. DeMille that you’re getting ready for your close-up. Pisces (February 19 - March 20) More than the snow is swirling around you this month, but you are more inclined to get comfy and stay inside rather than go out into the fray. For once you’re not diving into the drama and taking it personally. Mama’s so proud! Aries (March 21 - April 19) You’ve been giving everyone the old razzle-dazzle, but now it’s time to be real and face your demons. This is great for your career, but the boudoir may feel a little chillier than usual. It’s hard to be charming and honest, but you’ll get the hang of it. Taurus (April 20 - May 20) This could be a make-or-break month. Listen to your gut, but also think before you speak, because what you say can (and will) be used against you. The universe is on your side. Be smart and steadfast. Your reputation may depend on it. Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Mercury has you feeling antsy, and you may need to get away to clear your mind and your libido. If you can get a little perspective, it will boost your self-confidence and make it easier to handle that sensitive love interest. Cancer (June 21 - July 22) Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. There are things happening behind the scenes that will propel you forward. Don’t let the haters or the Klingons mess with your head. Take care of yourself and prepare to be fabulous. Leo (July 23 - August 22) You’re a little grouchy after your January nap, but it’s time to rise and shine! Communication skills are essential at work and play to get what you want. You catch more flies with honey, so purring rather than roaring is the way to go. Virgo (August 23 - September 22) It’s time for you to forget the struggles of the last 2½ years. The universe is ready to play nice again. Don’t be bitter; the world is your oyster, so grab some cocktail sauce and get ready to party. outlookohio.com
Libra (September 23 - October 22) Saturn has been hanging out in your sign and is couch-surfing until November. Luckily, Saturn knows how to show a boy or girl a good time. Might as well enjoy the ride, however you define “ride.” Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) Tensions at home finally ease up mid-month, and you’re in the mood to do a little early spring-cleaning. Tidy up your life, but use a feather duster, not a wrecking ball. Don’t be Miley Cyrus. Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Take a deep breath and relax. Life has had you in the spin cycle for a while, but now it’s on fluff for a minute. Enjoy the Zen moment, because it never lasts long for you energetic archers. Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) Work has turned you into a stressed-out mess, so the word for the month is PLAY! Whatever has got your goat can be pushed aside mid-month. As our patron saints Judy and Babs say, “Forget your troubles, come on get happy.” Aquarius Trailblazers: Ellen DeGeneres, Galileo, Rosa Parks
Handy Tip A lifeline that angles way out, or a line low on the lifeline that cuts across the wrist may be a sign of wanderlust. © 2014 Debé Wenig Debé is a well-known local palmist, adviser and teacher. She is available for personal readings, parties, events and workshops. Contact her at www.enchantedelements.com, www.palmistrybydebe.com or 614.633.6402.
I don’t know about DOMA, but I know how Jerry affects my bottom line.
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Every month in print and every Monday online, we ask outlook readers to do our work for us as members of our blog squad. If you want to share your rants, raves or observations, join the Squad! Contact Erin McCalla at 614.268.8525 x2 or emccalla@outlookmedia.com.
Olga Starr
Top 5 Russian Gays
5. Zemfira, singer. (Keeps her personal life a secret, but trust me...) 4. Kuzma Petrov-Vodkin, painter. If you’ve ever seen “The Bathing of the Red Horse” or “Boys At Play,” there’s no question. 3. Peter Tchaikovski, composer. They’ve tried to hide his sexuality, though. 2. Marina Tsvetaeva, my favorite poet. The Soviet government drove her to suicide in 1941. 1. Sergei Eisenstein, the iconic figure of early Soviet cinema. Check out the cannon closeups Battleship Potemkin. Very homoerotic. February 3 topic: What’s Up With Those Russians? An Immigrant’s View on David Russian Homophobia
Yruegas
Top 5 Closest Marriage-Equality Courthouses
5. Wilmington, Del.: 468 miles from Columbus. 4. Washington, DC: 402 miles from Columbus. 3. Mayville, NY: 275 miles from Columbus. 2. Oakland, Md.: 268 miles from Columbus. 1. Marshall, Ill.: 258 miles from Columbus.
February 10 topic: Why Ohio Needs Marriage Equality Obie Ford III, PhD Wedding Officiant, Hitched by Obie
Top 5 Questions I’m Asked by Wedding Guests 5. Do you do funerals? 4. Are you single? 3. Will you stay and party with us? 2. How long is the ceremony? 1. Where is the restroom?
February 17 topic: Ordained Obie: Confessions of a Universal Marriage Officiant
Ariel Hout
Top 5 Love and/or Break-Up Songs 5. “The Day Before You,” Rascal Flatts. 4. “She’s Like the Wind,” Patrick Swayze. 3. “Flying Without Wings,” Westlife. 2. “Shattered,” Backstreet Boys. 1. “Just Give Me a Reason,” Pink. February 24 topic: Why Does Love Hurt?
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I Will Across
1 It made the Titanic go down 5 They call balls 9 to trot 13 Drop ___ (moon) 14 Gay nightlife district London 15 Proscribed act 16 Browser bookmarks 17 He played Jack, once in a gay sitcom 19 Place to become husband and husband 21 More cut and dry 22 Get to second base, perhaps 23 Rick Rodgers preparation 24 Versatile vehicle 26 “I Will ___” 28 With 44-Across, singer of 26-Across 30 Marilyn Monroe’s two big ones 31 What one does to one’s loins 33 H.S. junior’s challenge 34 “I, Will, ___” (famous trio, to Jack?) 37 Like a David Hockney swimming pool 40 Coin on the Continent 41 Foot fetish digit 44 See 28-Across 47 Debra, once of a gay sitcom 49 Useful hint 50 Doctors, doggy-style 52 Metronome speed 53 One-dimensional 55 Former NFL player Tuaolo 56 Eric, once of a gay sitcom 58 Plumbing passage 60 Word to a dominatrix 61 Nurse Jackie protrayer Falco 62 Treated a swollen member 63 First name in detective stories 64 Six feet under 65 Uncool sort
If you’ve got something to say, say it! Be an outlook blogger.
Down
1 AC unit 2 Indication that a writer pulled a boner 3 Salon cylinders 4 Composer Mahler 5 R. Nureyev’s land, once 6 He comes between Larry and Curly 7 What parents may hope homosexuality is 8 Essayist Susan 9 Word with warts or retentive 10 Peeping Toms 11 Staying power? 12 Two, in Toledo 18 Corridor 20 Get straight 22 U-turn from NNW 23 Come together 25 Enjoy Stephen Pyles 27 Film, briefly 29 Eliza Doolittle’s aspiration 32 Oil containers 34 Atlas Shrugged author Rand 35 “You ___ what you eat” 36 The bottom lines 37 Guy under J. Edgar? 38 Track vehicle 39 No surprise 41 Evita lyricist 42 Not oral 43 I problem 45 Out partner 46 Worked the inside of a hole 48 Come in the cracks 51 It may be rough 54 Alaska city 55 Barely made, with “out” 56 Mrs., to Moliere 57 Org. in many spy movies 59 Jay’s announcer
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