INSPIRATION FOR BUSY FAMILIES

The Art of Gathering

By Lisa Payne

When November rolls around, my mind goes straight to Thanksgiving and gathering around the table with others.

It makes me so happy that I start thinking of all the chances to gather with as many people as possible during the month of November. But then the season gets busy with other things, and I usually end up celebrating only on the actual day of Thanksgiving.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving day and the people I am with. I love the traditions and the food and the company of family. I know many people put a lot more effort into the meal on this day of the year than any other day. And sometimes I wonder why just one day? Why not have more meaningful gatherings throughout the year?

I once watched a great Ted Talk from Priya Parker about how to better connect while gathering with others. I’ve always thought I did this well, but after watching I realized I have it about half right. I have the “hosting” of the gathering down (good food, fun music), but I may not always have the meaning of the gathering emphasized the way I want.

Priya believes there are five things that make a gathering meaningful. The first is to find out the purpose of the gathering. If you are having a baby shower for someone, are you following the usual etiquette of gifts and games, and is that what the guest of honor really wants? Maybe the mother-to-be is afraid of the transition into parenthood. You could tweak the shower to have everyone write down their best advice during their own transition into parenthood and put it in a book for the guest of honor.

The second thing that Priya encourages is over exclusion. She says that nothing kills a party faster than the wrong people or too many who dilute the meaning. Try for smaller, more intimate gatherings.

The third is to write an invitation that persuades people to want to come to your party. Instead of just the date, time and location, write a sentence that entices. If you plan to cook a specific ethnic food, ask if they would like to travel to this country from the comfort of your home?

The fourth is to include rules in the invitation. If it is a “mom’s lunch” to get out and get away from the kids for an hour, say that whoever talks about their kids first has to pay the bill.

The last thing Priya says is to end the gathering with intention. You don’t have to wait until the party is crashing with tired guests. End when things are still fun and alive. Put an end time on the invite or say “before you all leave let’s get a group photo” and then walk them to the door.

Regardless if we use any of these guidelines from Priya, I say let’s gather more and be among others, whatever that may look like. From my experience, sometimes the simplest of gatherings end up being the most meaningful.