Celebrating the Holidays with Those No Longer with Us

By Lisa Payne

The holidays can be filled with grief when we have loved ones no longer with us. The traditions and family dinners can bring on feelings of anxiety and deep sadness. Some people may not show up at all, to avoid those painful feelings. If this is your first holiday without a loved one, go easy on yourself and give yourself permission to relax and take care of yourself. People will not have high expectations of you during this time.

What if there was a way to honor those who are no longer here? A new tradition you could start? Not all memories will feel painful or sad to everyone. Some may find that this is a great opportunity to connect with each other and reminisce, offering feelings of support, love, and joy.

Here are some ideas to get your creative juices flowing, and perhaps inspired to start your own new tradition. What if you made their favorite meal on Christmas Eve, in their memory? Did they love a certain soup, or always request or make a special dish? Maybe there are several random things they loved, and you can make a potluck type meal with each of their favorite dishes. You could also set a place for them at the table, with a picture of them on their placemat facing everyone. If your family members are open to it, perhaps people go around the table and share a favorite memory they have with the deceased person. Or put a playlist together of their favorite songs to play during dinner.

Not everyone likes to talk out loud about memories because it brings up too much emotion. You could have a notebook where family members write a little paragraph or two about a favorite memory they have, and add to this special notebook each year. It would be fun to have the notebook sitting out each holiday season for loved ones to look through.

Do you have videos of your loved one while they were alive? Someone who is good technically could put together all of the videos to watch together as a family on Christmas morning or whenever your family gets together. You will laugh and cry and feel like they are with you. Any picture books you have of them could also be shared and passed around at the same time.

Did your loved one have a special cause they believed in or a charity they volunteered for? You could gather the family and volunteer together in their honor. If you can’t volunteer together, perhaps everyone donates to that special cause in their name.

I bet your loved one had a favorite Christmas movie or maybe they loved watching Hallmark shows! Gather everyone to watch these together and feel their presence in the room with you.

My last but not least idea, hang a stocking for them on the mantel to keep their memory alive. As you are missing them or have a special thought come to you during the month of December, you could write little notes to them and stick them in the stocking. It would be fun to look back on all the accumulated notes in years to come.

Even when someone is no longer with us in their human body, their spirit and memory lives on with you forever. May you find some comfort this holiday with these ideas, and may you feel their presence throughout the whole season and beyond. Happy Holidays!

Lisa Payne writes about food, home, and family. You can reach her at paynefam6@gmail.com.