Woman Today by Oryx Group of Magazines

contents

AUGUST 2010

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Psssttt... Apes & Dolphins do it You & I too...

What’s the buzz on gossip, and why is it so much fun? Is it man’s playground and woman’s authority? Woman Today digs around.

Gossip on my mind

“Have you heard of Mrs Lockerhead’s latest extra marital? I met her ex at a party and oh boy...he was oozing poison! Quite progressive, isn’t she?” “Did you see Smita’s style...Looks like she’s going to be the next Miss Universe?” What makes us lust for a peep into matters not related to us?

Paparazzi baits

Why is it that Demi Moore’s non-wrinkled avatar or Madonna’s adoption lawsuit is capable of holding our attention and thought to the extent that it does?

The 11 Commandments Get a grip on the grapevine If you are out of the office grapevine, chances are you are out of it altogether. Office gossip has its utility, but like all things tasty, too much of a good thing can land you with a pain in the belly.

2010 August

worldwidewoman

Comedic Relief

She maybe a funny girl, but her “Maysoon’s Kids” is no laughing matter. Meet Palestinian stand-up Comic Maysoon Zayid.

18 young & happening

Fashion gets real... online!

workwise 35

Rana El Sakhaway has been interested in fashion for as long as she can remember. Her new website, www.urbansouq.com, contextualises the latest looks from abroad into something closer to home.

Gender Blender

“It’s a boy!!” or “It’s a girl!!” From the moment the doctor calls out these words at the time of delivering an infant, the child’s fate is sealed. What does it mean to raise gender-neutral children?

Monica in Control

Monica, a working mother, struggles to find a perfect work-life balance. She opts for coaching and progresses positively in the way she deals with situations today. This is her final session with Carolin Zeitler.

48 health & fitness

Packing a Punch

Woman Today scouts the city for women who don’t leave their safety to chance or knights in shining armour.

What Stifles Qatari Women?

In a three part series, our columnist Dr Amal Al-Malki ponders the question that seems to have no straight answers.

August 2010

Filial Fix

style stop

Carolina Herrera for ‘la femme confidante’

VOLUME V / ISSUE 7

AUGUST 2010

Publisher & Editor-in-Chief Yousuf Jassem Al Darwish Chief Executive Officer Sandeep Sehgal Executive Vice President Alpana Roy Vice President Ravi Raman

Managing Editor Vani Saraswathi Deputy Editor Sindhu Nair assistant Editors Ahmad Lotfy Ali John Hunt Editorial Co-ordinator Cassey Oliveira Contributor Shalinee Bharadwaj Art Director Venkat Reddy Asst Director – production Sujith Heenatigala assistant Art Director Hanan Abu Saiam Senior Graphic Designers Ayush Indrajith Sampath Gunathilaka M D Managers – Marketing Mohammed Sami Zulfikar Jiffry Senior Media Consultant Chaturka Karandana Media Consultants Victoria Ferraris HASSAN REKKAB Marketing research & support executive amjeth ali

Accountant Pratap Chandran

sr. distribution Executive Bikram Shrestha Distribution Support Arjun Timilsina Bhimal rai

Published by Oryx Advertising Co WLL P.O. Box 3272; Doha-Qatar Tel: (+974) 44672139, 44550983, 44671173, 44667584 Fax: (+974) 44550982 Email: wtoday@omsqatar.com website: www.omsqatar.com Copyright © 2010 Oryx Advertising Co WLL

Address all your correspondence to Woman Today, Oryx Advertising Co WLL, P.O. Box 3272; Doha-Qatar Tel: (+974) 44672139, 44550983, 44671173, Fax:(+974) 44550982, email: wtoday@omsqatar.com. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. The publisher does not accept responsibility for advertising contents. Licensing/ Republishing WT content: To obtain permission for text syndication in books, newsletters, magazines, newspapers and web or to use images/pictures carried in Woman Today, please contact our syndication and licensing department on the numbers given above. Permission is also required to photocopy a WT article for classroom use, course packs, business or general use. Custom reprints: Published article/s to be used as stand-alone pieces can be reprinted by us on special request. The reprint cost is based on the length of the article and the quantity ordered. Contact our custom publishing division on the numbers given above for more information.To subscribe to Woman Today call our subscription department on the numbers given above.

August 2010

FROM THE EDITOR

This is an issue we conceived standing by the water dispenser, and brainstormed over friendly banter on issues we ideally shouldn’t be bantering about. And the best thing about it all? There wasn’t a better way to go about the article. After all, to write a film review you must watch the film, and for a food column, you’ve got to have a bite. So when we decided to do an issue on gossip, we sampled some. Flippancy aside, gossip at its best is an amazing bonding tool and good for a laugh. At its worst, it can wreck relationships and vitiate workplaces. Unless you belong to a strict Benedictine Order under a vow of silence, I am sure you have been privy to gossip. An active participant even. However, there is a very fine line that separates fun gossip and malicious lies. The crossing of that line could be a heady power trip, because you control the cause and effect... but it’s also a line that in all probability will trip you up. At the cost of sounding pompously clichéd, truth does triumph; and innocent embellishments are only good for a laugh. This month, like always, we take a peek into the lives of inspiring women – with their permission of course. Palestinian stand-up comic Maysoon Zayid, Doha-based businesswoman Rana El Sakhaway and Daniela Mascetti of Sotheby’s talk to us about what drives them to be who they are. And our columnist Dr Amal Al-Malki writes about what stifles Qatari women. Also, don’t miss the piece on self-defence and see how you can learn to pack a punch. Ramadan Kareem!

Vani Saraswathi

GO GREEN

Nokia E63

Woman Today invites readers’ feedback Share your views on the magazine or any issue connected to Qatar. One lucky reader will win a Nokia E63. Write to: The Editor, Woman Today, PO Box 3272, Doha, Fax: (+974) 44550982, email: wtoday@omsqatar.com

Woman Today reserves the right to edit correspondence. Views and opinions expressed in the published letters may not necessarily be that of the publication’s. Prizes sponsored by:

August 2010

letters I recently got a copy of Woman Today and found it truly inspiring. Owing to its broad coverage of women’s life, I consider it a real guide for women from all walks of life. I am especially impressed by the way you encourage your readers to participate in the magazine by voicing their concerns and issues and the attractive prize for the best letter every month is a real inspiration to get people writing. Please include a section where readers may write in and ask for directions/guidelines relating to health, law, medicine, beauty issues etc. Also, I would appreciate more directions as to how we may Go Green in Qatar. For instance, the magazine promotes the recycling of it once ready, but where is the paper recycling bin in Doha? Where can we recycle glass, metal and plastic? I am really trying to do my share for the environment but I am really finding it difficult here in Doha. Maybe through the magazine, you may create more awareness. With lots of pleasure in my mind, I convey my special congratulations to you for this publication. Special applause to the brains behind this amazing magazine! Gretel Busuttil Woman Today is definitely getting better in appearance and content. It presents a good mix of articles on contemporary issues related to the modern woman. The talk with strong women personalities makes an inspiring read. Catherine Harte’s articulation in successfully managing such a challenging position as the

producer of the Doha Debates is quite impressionable. The personal stories shared by the women reflected the one common thread of womanhood that ties us all together in spite of our distinctiveness. A woman’s capability of moulding herself to different roles she is expected to play at different times in her life and emerging a winner is truly fascinating. Sunaina Sheikh The June issue of Woman Today was unique in the way the articles were presented. The thought of bringing together women from different walks of life to share their stories and ideas is very novel. I particularly found the picture representation of the various facets of a woman very interesting and innovative. Asha Toulmin has well captured the essence of being a woman in her several roles. Rukya Al-Rashid I found the Thinking Aloud passage quite thought stimulating, also leaving me wondering at the nature and essence of such a sacred relationship as marriage. With divorce rates doing an all time high, breaking all the age barriers; its time to sit back and think whether the individual, the ‘I’ is finally spelling its supremacy over human sensitivities? And whether it’s worth it? I was however, disappointed at not finding any article on travel this time. A regular feature on sites to visit in Qatar would be very interesting and informative for travel buffs like me. A R Mansoori

short

Fb hits the 500 million mark If you are addicted to it, just pretend to be a victim of the Facebook-itis epidemic.

Ho-ho to the

Hummus

ur local staple is the hottest food trend doing the rounds. Chickpeas, also called garbanzo beans, are one of the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s oldest cultivated foods, dating back to the Neolithic period in what is now Sicily, according to The Food Encyclopedia. During the Roman Empire, chickpeas were shipped in jars from Sicily to the rest of Italy. But the Middle Eastern region is thought to have created hummus hundreds of years ago by combining pureed chickpeas with lemon juice or vinegar, tahini (sesame seed butter), garlic, and olive oil. Chickpeas, the main ingredient in hummus, are rich in fibre and protein. They also contain vitamins and minerals such as folic acid (chickpeas tend to be higher in folic acid than other beans), zinc, and magnesium. Hummus also traditionally features tahini (sesame seed butter), which contributes some additional protein (3 gms per tablespoon) and fibber (0.7 gm per tablespoon) along with monounsaturated fat (3 gms per tablespoon). Chickpeas and tahini both contribute fair amounts of calcium and iron, as well. Go ahead, spread it on everything!

Good

tone against

bad necks

ot many of us these days function well without a computer. While we are clued in thanks to that, the flip side is that we often end up with a stiff neck. A new study reveals that toning and strengthening the problem areas may be the best way to keep your neck feeling loose. The strength-training should comprise arm rows, upright rows, reverse flys, shoulder elevation, and shoulder abduction. But contact your doctor or trainer before you embark on a new exercise plan.

August 2010

Multitaskers are not the

cat’s whiskers

Superstitions

boost

confidence.

ultitasking is considered one of the worst concentration wreckers.

“Multitaskers might feel like they’re getting more done, but it almost always takes longer to multitask than to devote your attention to one thing at a time,” says psychologist Lucy Jo Palladino, PhD, author of Find Your Focus Zone: An Effective New Plan to Defeat Distraction and Overload.

The key, Palladino says, is be choosy about when you multitask. It’s OK to talk on the phone while you’re folding the laundry, for example, but not while you’re working on a difficult or high-priority task. One other issue that may pay havoc with your concentration is boredom. We are not going to concentrate while rearranging our spice cabinet, are we? That’s when you multitask. Call a friend to share some gossip, and straighten out the shelf while doing so.

Breakthrough anti-HIV gel

he anti-HIV vaginal gel is a microbicide cream inserted in the vagina which aims to shield a woman against HIV in semen. Volunteers in South Africa who used the formula over 30 months had a 39% lower risk overall of HIV infection compared with counterparts who used a dummy lookalike gel. A breakthrough finally?

Really? A study shows that believing in a superstition can actually improve your performance on a task

by boosting your self-confidence.

t’s a commonly held notion that superstitions are irrational and not logically connected to the outcomes of a situation. But researchers from the University of Cologne in Germany say there are measurable performance benefits to superstitions, such as crossing your fingers or telling someone to “break a leg” for good luck. Athletes in particular are known to sometimes hold superstitions. For example, Michael Jordan wore his college team shorts under his Chicago Bulls uniform and Tiger Woods wears a red shirt on the final round of a tournament, for good luck. So dig out your lucky shoe lace when you go for your appraisal meeting, and do keep fingers crossed at all times. 2010 August

short

Not poetic licence, this

orwegian author of The Bookseller of Kabul has been ordered to pay damages to the wife of the real-life bookseller on which it was based. The Oslo district court ordered journalist Aasne Seierstad to pay $20,200 to Suraia Rais for violation of privacy. Norwegian publisher Cappelen Damm, who originally released the book in 2002, was also ordered to pay a similar amount in damages to Suraia. Written in the style of a novel, The Bookseller of Kabul is an account of Aasne’s time living with the Rais family in Kabul shortly after the fall of the Taliban in 2001. “The information (in the book) about Suraia’s thoughts and feelings is sensitive,” the Oslo district court ruled. “They are attributed to her as true, and neither Aasne nor Cappelen Damm can be considered to have acted in good faith to ensure they were correct and accurate.”

Get off your

backside... ...or die too soon.

ccording to an American Cancer Society study people who spent at least six hours of their daily leisure time sitting died sooner than people who sat less than three hours. The effect is stronger for women than for men, but significant for both sexes. Sitting increased risk of cancer death, but the main death risk linked to sitting was heart disease.

Adult

ADHD:

No kidding!

dult ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is not a myth. But many adults don’t realise that they have the disorder, unable to figure out why their life is often topsy-turvy. ADHD in adults follows a slightly different pattern than in children. Adults may be chronically late to work or important events. They may be disorganized, restless, and have difficulty relaxing. Some people with ADHD have trouble concentrating while reading. Mood swings, low self-esteem, and poor anger management are also common problems. Adult ADHD adversely affects both professional and personal development. Those with the disorder may find it difficult to hold on to a job or to earn as much as their peers. It can also sabotage marriage and other relationships. If diagnosed and treated right, life doesn’t have to be awry for those affected.

August 2010

worldwide

woman

Comedic Relief She maybe a funny girl, but her “Maysoon’s Kids” is no laughing matter. Asha Toulmin meets Palestinian stand-up comic Maysoon Zayid.

“I tried to think about people who have succeeded who weren’t conventional, who weren’t like Jennifer Aniston.”

aysoon Zayid was watching television and saw something that moved her from New Jersey to Gaza. It was a news report during the Second Intifada. A cameraman zoomed in on a wheelchair, crushed by rubble. “I thought, oh no, we’re creating an entire generation of disabled children in a society that doesn’t know how to deal with them, in a part of the world that

August 2010

doesn’t know what to do with them,” she spays. Zayid founded “Maysoon’s Kids” in April 2001 and headed to Gaza with the beginnings of a plan to help. An established Arab-American comedian, at first she wanted to use the arts and humour to tackle disability issues. “I went out very naïve, thinking that I could use art therapy, rap and all these things to help these kids

“We’re creating an entire generation of disabled children in a society that doesn’t know how to deal with them” and wounded refugee children – it started out with seven kids, four of whom are now in university. Zayid won’t let a child into kindergarten unless she can guarantee all twelve years of schooling is paid for – just in case people don’t find her comedy funny one day, she says. She would hate to pull a kid out of school. Zayid’s latest project is enrolling kids into the first integrated disabled public school in Ramallah. “They need education first. We do work with film, editing and all that. But on the side, where I go to work with the kids and I get that itch. Then I’ll ask can I teach them a comedy workshop just because I want to,” she says. Zayid does the work herself, to make sure the funds go exactly where they’re supposed to, raising money through Facebook and special events. Recently she performed a stand-up show in New Jersey as a benefit for Playgrounds for Palestine. In return Playgrounds for Palestine will build the first disabled accessible playground in Gaza.

Overcoming obstacles

survive what they were living and when I got there I realised they needed something much more like basic education, physical therapy equipment, shoes. So it shifted quickly into a scholarship and wellness program that would promote normalising children and allowing them to go to schools and universities,” she explains. Maysoon’s Kids works with all types of disabled

Zayid wants to be the Arab Oprah. She performed the first ever stand-up show in the Middle East. She recently appeared on the Doha Debates in their first ever comedy debate, arguing that women are superior to men. But it’s not just her success that makes her an inspiration. Zayid has cerebral palsy herself. And she’s had to deal with her fair share of challenges in becoming who she is today. “It’s extremely difficult to get work if you’re an ethnic actress but it’s impossible to get work if you’re disabled. So as a disabled ethnic actress I had no shot,” she says. It wasn’t that Zayid was turned away after her auditions. She wasn’t even getting a chance to audition in the first place. “I tried to think about people who have succeeded who weren’t conventional, who weren’t like Jennifer Aniston. Whoopi Goldberg, Rosie O’Donnell – these are big comedians who didn’t look the part but got great jobs acting because they were comedians and that was their ‘in’. So I decided to start doing comedy as a way to define myself and to get into film and television and it worked.”

Arab-American identity At Zayid’s third stand-up show she met Dean

Obeidallah who co-founded the New York Arab American comedy festival with her in 2003. The festival showcases sketch comedy as well as stand-up. For the first time the group had an all-Arabic show this year. “We came up with this idea of doing a festival in order to not only humanise Arabs in America post 9/11 but also introduce the concept of Arab actors to Hollywood,” she says, explaining that most Hollywood roles for Arab women consist of wearing a burqa and crying, while for men roles are making those women cry. “We really got a chance to shift what people thought was Arab. Also, because we have Arab writers writing the sketches and Arab performers performing, we got to say look at all the different ranges of roles they can play.” Zayid was born and raised in an Italian Catholic town. Apart from her family’s annual trips to Palestine, people assumed she was Italian. It wasn’t until her high school years and the second Intifadah when people started noticing her actual ethnic identity. “I was in high school and Iraq got invaded. I wasn’t okay and people were like ‘why do you care?’ and I was like well first of all they’re human beings, second of all this is the Arab world. That’s when ‘I’m Arab they’re American’ started to really come to the surface,” she says. “I think because there’s so many Palestinians living in the Diaspora all over the globe so many of us feel such a deep, deep, deep connection to the Middle East and such a deep connection to Palestine. Then when we come here people look at us as American, they call us other.” It took Zayid three to four years to build up her reputation in the camps as more than an American. Now she claims to be part of the fabric and later this year she will head back to Gaza. She will interact with the kids, showcase her comedy and teach the mothers how to deal with their child’s lifelong disability. “The most important part of it to me is teaching the moms. ‘Hey! Your kid has cerebral palsy don’t give them coke, they’re already shaking they don’t need to be bouncing off the walls’, and you wouldn’t believe how difficult that is,” she says. “To be able to talk to moms and say hey can you look at me? Because if you can look at me your kid can do this. So let’s do this.” 2010 August

worldwide

woman

star-studded

life By Myriam Chandna

he can trace a 1911 Cartier garland style diamond tiara back to when it was merely an idea. From the cuts of briolettes that suspend among the swags of the tiara to which aristocratic head it adorned, Daniela Mascetti is no less than an authority on the life of a jewel. “Reconstructing the history behind each jewel, why a jewel is designed in one way and not another, who it is meant for, who commissioned it, who owned it – these details fascinated me,” says Daniela, her cobalt blue eyes sparkling with the reflection

August 2010

of a collection of royal jewels belonging to Wallis, Duchess of Windsor, as she points out the intricacies of individual brooches, tiaras, necklaces, and bracelets, dazzling on the screen of her laptop. Mascetti is a senior international jewellery Specialist and Director of educational studies in International Jewellery at Sotheby’s, a leading international auction house which has its roots in the notoriously fashionable, once antique-laden Bond Street, where its head office has been located for over a century. A Fellow of the Gemmological Association of Great Britain, she regularly lectures on the history of jewellery and has published several articles and books pertaining to historic and modern jewels. Daniela

has penned two books on 18th and 19th century jewellery, Gioielli dell’Ottocento (1984) and Oreficeria del’ 1700 (1985), both of which were published in Italy. She has also co-authored Understanding Jewellery (2003), a cohesive guide to the identification and dating of jewellery from late 18th century until the end of the millennium, with David Bennett, Chairman of the International Jewellery Division for Europe and the Middle East. She spoke at the Festival of the Senses, held at Ritz-Carlton, Doha. She recounted exciting tales and tribulations of the world’s most exclusive jewellery collections, including those the Royal Family of England, A-list celebrities, and film stars.

Archaeology to gems With a background in classical archaeological studies, she was no gem prospector when she stumbled upon jewellery and discovered her passion for the identity of jewels. “I graduated from Milan Statale University and began working for an archaeological museum in Milan,” she says. “Archaeology fascinated me and piqued my curiosity, but its implementation in many

“I am passionate about jewels, and I am lucky that my passion coincides with my job. But luckily for my husband, I am not a collector.” ways was extremely bureaucratic in Italy,” she says, referring to the Italian government’s strict control and influence over historic artefacts. As a young graduate working in Milan, Daniela didn’t lack creative opportunities. She heard about Sotheby’s running a yearlong introductory course on all the different subject areas they deal with, including jewellery specialisation and auctioneering. She decided to give it a shot, and enrolled in the programme. It was at Sotheby’s, that she officially learned something she had always instinc-

tively known; which is what had propelled her decision to shift to a realm where art was real and tangible, and where, it had a life of its own. “I began to understand that art was something you could touch, something that had a price, and not something that was out of access,” says Daniela. “This was the beginning of my 30 years with Sotheby’s,” she says. An archaeologist at heart, her ‘true passion’ is the historical and anthropological importance of each jewel. Customised aristocratic jewels from 1700s onwards are her forte. “Jewels from the time of the Art Deco design movement of the 1920s formed some of my favourite collections. Those are timeless,” she says. “Aside from that, nowadays I have started to appreciate beauty and quality from all different time periods in history."

Changing hands According to Daniela, her clientele’s selling and buying choices depend largely on what part of the world they are in. Most of her clients sell their jewels due to change 2010 August

worldwide

woman

in fashion and/or lifestyle. While some clients value jewels by their social significance, others value them by the cultural or traditional importance attached to them. “In some cases, the kind of people who sell [jewels] are the ones who buy them, but not always,” she says. “Some people are simply swapping, because they have no need for those jewels or simply experience a change of lifestyle.” The progress of the auctioneering process depends on the assessment of the intrinsic value of a jewel. “Just like a painting, a jewel’s intrinsic value determines it’s real worth, what it’s all about. Sometimes that value comes out of the gemstone, but mostly, it’s a combination of intrinsic value, design, workmanship, age, provenance, and signature – for example, whether its Cartier or Van Cleef & Arpels,” she explains. Daniela then provides a fair auction estimate of the jewel to the client and engages with them in discussion about their decision to sell a particular article of jewellery. She prefers conversing on a one-to-one basis with her clients and cater to their individual needs. “If they seem very reluctant to sell, I respect their decision, never force them. Though if they seem willing, I would suggest selling it and purchasing something they will enjoy more. A jewel is created to make a woman look more attractive and feminine, and if one jewel isn’t serving that purpose or another, why not explore something else?” she suggests. Once clients are ready to sell, cataloguing and photography of the jewels set the stage for final exhibition and bidding. “As a jewellery specialist, I perform the research required to create a catalogue of jewels and really have my input on a how a jewel is to be designed and presented in that catalogue,” she says. The auctioneering process is a delicate one, since Daniella must bear in mind that her buyer may be a seller in the future – a common scenario in which she is required to switch roles, yet provide a fair value to her client. “I have to be fair and honest to both sides, advising them on the best possible figures in my opinion,” she says.

August 2010

“I began to understand that art was something you could touch, something that had a price, and not something that was out of access.” Collections of note Over the three decades Daniela has been with Sotheby’s, she has helped auction several fine jewellery collections, such as the Duchess of Windsor collection in the artistically rich city of Geneva, Switzerland, in 1987. There were 306 lots in this sale, of which a 100 percent were sold, and which generated about six times the estimated $50,281,887. She confesses that the Duchess of Windsor collection particularly ‘stuck’ to her heart. “Not only because it was composed of fabulous jewels, but because each of the jewels was inscribed by a little message from the Duke of Windsor to the Duchess. Therefore the collection was unique; it had a very intimate cut to it, very personal,” she says. Further, the Duchess of Windsor collection supported a noble cause – all jewels were donated to Institut Pasteur, a public health institution which sold them to raise charity for their cancer and aids research initiatives. “Another absolutely wonderful collection I auctioned was by an anonymous owner. We called it ‘Bird of Paradise’, and it was one of our most successful auctions,” she recalls. Daniela has also been deeply involved with the auction of the aristocratic collections belonging to Gloria, Princess von Thurn und Taxis, Helen Beaumont, and Dona Lily Marinho. “With such heirlooms, it’s amazing to see the change in style from generation to generation, between mother and daughter,” says Daniela. As styles vary from era to era, the uncertainties of the fashion world are great enough to influence the social value of a jewel. What was once the vogue may simply

be a relic of the past, little required and even little desired. However, Daniela turns the challenge of adapting old-world pieces to fit a modern taste into an opportunity. “It’s very easy, just requires a slight change of perspective. I try to look at jewels in alternative ways, and encourage my clients to do the same. For example, look at a diamond plaque brooch by Boucheron, Paris, as if it is not to be pinned on a suit but used as a belt buckle. It becomes a completely different item,” she explains. “Similarly, if a jewel is very heavy and ornate, if you tone down the dressing, the jewel will follow.” In the past, Daniela has been exposed to jewels in the Middle Eastern and Gulf regions, as well as requested to examine them. However, when prompted to share some details about the requests, she reinforces Sotheby’s core value of complete discretion regarding its clients, and I, with little resistance, shift to welcoming her feedback on her favourite aspect of artistic creativity in Qatar. “I loved the pearls exhibition at the Museum of Islamic Art. It was inspirational and extremely informative, aesthetically pleasing and beautifully set up,” she beams. “Some really amazing specimens are there. I thought of taking a quick tour, but ended up spending over an hour in the museum.” Having been immersed in the glitz and glamour of eternal brands such as Cartier, Castellani, Tiffany & Co and Van Cleef & Arpels, Daniela’s favourites have modified as they progressed on the timeline of signature jewels. “Cartier was the greatest between 1900 and 1930s, while 1940s and early 1950s saw a rise of innovation in the creations of Van Cleef and Arpels. Bvlgari was great in 1980s. So each different period, each moment has its peak,” says Daniela. It may come as a surprise, that with her treasure chest of knowledge about jewels, Daniela is not a collector. She firmly believes that working with beautiful objects round the clock makes her more selective by the day. “I am passionate about jewels, and I am lucky that my passion coincides with my job. But luckily for my husband, I am not a collector.”

Young &

happening

fashion getsreal... online

By Asha Toulmin

ana El Sakhaway has been interested in fashion for as long as she can remember. Not so shocking, right? A 21-year-old woman enraptured by the latest Manolo Blahniks is about as rare as a raunchy euphemism on Sex and the City. Especially in Qatar, where a fashionista can visit the austere designer stores of the Pearl or earn enough cash to preorder the latest Balenciaga tote. But Rana isn’t completely sold on the Western runways she’s been poring over since discovering her grandmother’s old Vogue collection at age ten. Her new website, www.urbansouq.com, contextualises the latest looks from abroad into something closer to home. Woman Today sat down with El Sakhaway to discuss her new venture.

August 2010

So how is UrbanSouq different from the multitude of other fashion sources out there for women? It takes what’s in, what’s trendy, what’s fashionable and interprets it in its own way to match the culture that’s here. It shows women how to wear a specific trend. I’ll take a style and show women how to wear it if they are veiled or if they wear an abhay. It aims to act as the reader’s personal stylist and in-the-know friend. It’s an informational resource that inspires readers and helps them get fashion and lifestyle tips to allow them to develop their personal style.

How do you think women can focus on individual style when a lot of times you see the same models and the same looks in magazines and the media? What inspires me the most about fashion is how fun,

different and creative it can be. Forget how models wear it on the runway – these looks represent the designer and the brand. Look at street style and how real women take the items and customize it to make it their own. We are consistently providing styling tips and inspiration to encourage readers to find their own individual style.

But why is personal style important? I think fashion is important because it’s a method of self-expression and it has a huge effect on our confidence and the way we portray ourselves. Everything one puts on makes a fashion statement and says something about them whether intended or not; it projects a certain image others see in you. First impressions do matter whether you are in a job interview or if you’re simply trying to make a good first impression, and with fashion you can express yourself and ace that first impression.

Forget how models wear it on the runway... Look at street style and how real women take the items and customize it to make it their own.

What about as a female business owner? Has that been an obstacle in gaining respect? So far it hasn’t presented any challenges for me because UrbanSouq is female oriented. In fact, it’s definitely an advantage because you want to relate to your readers and have them trust you in return. Being a woman of a similar profile as my target audience has allowed me to provide real value to my readers because I created something that I myself was looking for.

At such a young age, what sort of first impression do you make on people when they discover you own your own business? A week after I launched I was invited to Dubai fashion week and I got to meet a lot of PR agencies, designers, media etc. At times when they met me people were curious about how old I was. I started lying about it actually because they would start zoning out once I told them my age. At the same time I got a lot of support from people because of how young I was saying, “wow this is a great initiative, you’re only 21.” But when I was still planning it, when nobody could see the actual website, the majority of people said, “you need experience”. A lot of employers looked down on me, which was annoying. Instead of thinking that I’m a creative innovative person, who wanted to do something different, they’d look down on me and say “oh you’re too young, you’re an overachiever, you’re too optimistic”.

What were you looking for by starting the website?

Everything one puts on makes a fashion statement and says something about them whether intended or not. What has been the best advice you’ve received that has helped support your business?

The concept was new to the Middle East then. I had studied business and concentrated on graphic media management, but there wasn’t a specific industry in Doha I wanted to work in. There isn’t an established publishing or marketing industry here yet, it’s growing very fast, but not one in terms of fashion. I wanted to create a job for myself and I wanted to do something that I’m passionate about.

The best advice was to “just get started and do it”. When I was first starting there were a lot of obstacles and excuses to not do it, I seemed to always be waiting on something to happen to get my website started. Then I just decided that I needed to start small, just get it out there and start growing slowly. This has been my motto ever since just put it out there for your market and take your audiences responses and comments and to further develop it.

What about your family? Were they understanding of your passion?

And where do you see the site developing in the future?

I have never imagined that my family could be as supportive as they have been. They exceed expectations. They are doing a great job at keeping me focused, helping me with my decision-making to grow my business and are constantly encouraging me. I’m thankful to them every day.

I see it becoming a full fashion and lifestyle publishing network made out of different fashion, lifestyle and entertainment sites, covering topics that include fashion & style, health & beauty, entertainment, food, fitness and more. All content published would focus on women living in the MENA region 2010 August

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Never engage in negative talk and rumour-mongering. Be the employee everyone People will trust wants on their team you if they know you n todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s increasingly competitive and ever- ant, cordial and cheerful even in times of stress and are not the type to changing marketplace, it is important to dif- making the effort to understand other peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s viewundermine them or ferentiate yourself and build your own unique points even when they are sharply divergent from your engage in negative brand as a star player within your company own. People want to work with people they like and banter behind and industry. Here are some basic guide- respect, so make sure you treat people well and in a lines to help you establish yourself as the employee manner that conveys that you respect them and value their backs

everyone wants to have on their team.

their professional judgment, skills and contributions.

Treat others with respect at all times

Be an expert in your job

The golden rule â&#x20AC;&#x201C; treat others in the organisation as you would like to be treated yourself. This includes respecting yourself and others at all times, being pleas-

August 2010

There is no substitute for being an expert in your field to get the full positive acknowledgement and recognition you need for a firm foothold in your profession. Knowledge, skills, training rapidly become obsolete

in selfpity. Instead, become known as a cool-headed, creative thinker who can rise to a challenge, think on his/her feet, assess a difficult situation and make concise, impactful decisions that save the day and positively affect the team’s overall performance. Make sure you go through the proper channels of command in making and implementing decisions and take time to think it through. Don’t make hasty decisions you will regret later. People who can think outside the box and find versatile, cost-effective pertinent solutions to both common and uncommon problems, are invaluable in any job.

Be a team player In almost any job, your work will necessitate working with others and you need to perfect the skill of being a team player who can contribute to the welfare of the organisation and the company’s bottom line by working closely, fluidly and cohesively within a team. Essential team dynamics include taking responsibility for your actions; giving credit where credit is due; listening attentively and respectfully to others’ viewpoints; contributing and being accountable for your own efforts and viewpoints; and being pleasant and professional to all team members at all times. Good team players are adaptable, collaborative, committed, dependable, disciplined, enthusiastic, solutionoriented and tenacious. They are also knowledgeable, well-informed and always prepared when working on team projects. in today’s ever-changing marketplace and it is essential to stay ahead of the curve by constantly reinventing yourself, updating your skills and maintaining your edge in the marketplace. Take personal control of your ongoing education. If the company won’t fund your self-education, find alternative ways to avail yourself of the training you need. Attend courses, seminars, read the industry literature and make sure that your skills never become redundant or obsolete and that they continue to give you an extra edge over your competitors.

Develop a reputation as a problem solver Problem solving is key to succeed in any job. Don’t be the person who gets mired in difficulties and wallows

Perfect your communication skills Good communication includes talking as well as listening. You need to be able to communicate effectively with superiors, peers and subordinates. Learn to give feedback that is constructive, motivational and conducive to bolster team spirit, productivity and morale. Be attentive and polite when others are giving feedback and advice; acknowledge you understand what is being said; reiterate key points and articulate what you believe are next steps that need to be taken. Clear, respectful communication is key to professional success in the long run. Making an effort and taking the time to show others appreciation for their work and effort is a key component of sound communication; make sure your positive feedback is sincere, heartfelt

and specific to a certain project, task or behaviour so that its full motivational force and benefit is felt.

Be professional at all times – Don’t be a ‘Gossip- Girl’

The workplace is not the place to vent your frustrations or air your private troubles whatever they may be. At all times maintain a pleasant, professional demeanour and try to limit your discussions to matters that pertain directly to the workplace and the industry. If the team engages in light banter about the weekend football games, seasonal sales or upcoming weddings, by all means don’t be the party pooper who puts a damper on the discussions; but do not be known as the employee who always starts or feeds the office gossip. Never engage in negative talk about management or colleagues and avoid backstabbing and rumour-mongering at all costs. People will trust you and value you more if they know you are not the type to undermine them or engage in negative banter behind their backs.

Have a strong work ethic It may not do too much for your popularity in the short run if you are the person who works a 8-7 workday when everyone works 9-5 but a strong work ethic coupled with a pleasant work style, team spirit and all the other attributes we mentioned before will win the day in the long run. Employees ultimately look up to those who are consistent and dependable, and see them as indispensable members of the team. Nothing attracts success like success, so aim to shine and make the rest of your team shine with you to get the credit and credibility you need to succeed.

Love your job This may be easier said than done but nothing is more attractive and contagious than sincere outright enthusiasm. Sure, some days are better than others for everyone but employees who are doing what they love to do and are sincerely excited and enthusiastic about their job, project or tasks will generally infuse the organisation with a certain vigour and energy and will almost always be a joy to have around provided they remain modest team players and don’t outright boast or gloat about their job satisfaction and/or results.

From the Career Experts at Bayt.com, the #1 job site in the Middle East with more than 30,000 employers and over 3.5 Million registered job seekers from across the Middle East, North Africa and the globe, representing all industries, nationalities and career levels. Post a job or find jobs on www.bayt.com today and access the leading resource for job seekers and employers in the region.

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Monica in Control 24

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Try to detach yourself as much as possible and look at it from the ‘fly-on-the-wall-perspective’: How does this affect the communication in the team overall?”

onica won’t have time for another session before she takes off for the summer, so we’ve planned to make today’s session a bit longer, in order to come to a good conclusion for this season. Nevertheless, we start our session with the routine question, “How has your week been?” “I’ve followed through quite well on my first two steps. I’ve been much more present during meal times, eating more consciously, which has helped me to make more deliberate choices. And I’ve been thinking more about possible alternatives before I make a decision. It has made me aware that I make a multitude of decisions every day. Starting with whether to get up immediately or whether to hit the ‘snooze’ button to whether to read at night or have a chat with my husband before I go to sleep. I make so many decisions every day and I often don’t even notice that I am making a decision. Trying to think of two alternatives every time has helped me become much more aware how many choices and possibilities I have every day.” I nod, “That’s quite amazing once you come to realise it, isn’t it? How does it make you feel?” “It gives me a great sense of freedom and privilege, a sense that I have a kind of ‘creative power’ almost. It’s a good feeling.” Monica goes on to describe that the third step had been more challenging. She had been trying to have an open door for two hours a day, so that her team could come and ask her opinion or advice during those times. But several problems arose as some people wanted to stay with her for the best part of the hour, others wanted to close the door and some complained that the time was too short or not well chosen. “I don’t know how to manage it in a manner that suits everyone. All these issues have turned those open door hours into a rather stressful time. I want them to be positive and productive.” “As far as I remember ‘short but productive’ was one of the traits you named for ideal interaction last

time. What else did you write? Let’s have a look.” We found that Monica had also chosen ‘sincere’ and ‘empathetic’ to describe how she would like to ideally interact as a manager and team leader. Could that maybe help with the ‘open door issue’? “Is that what you would like to work on today?” Monica nods her agreement. “Okay, so what is your inquiry – your question for the session?” “How can I improve the interaction with my team during open door time?” “Okay. You’ve already described the challenges and we’ve looked up your ‘ideals’ for interaction from last time. Based on this information, can you define ONE parameter that you could change to achieve a major improvement in the quality of your interaction during ‘open door time’?” “I think the crucial point is to be ‘short but productive’. If things get too long-winded then the empathy and after a while even the sincerity tend to go out the window... I hate to admit!” she cringes at that last part. We work on being more precise, on defining one parameter – and one only – to experiment with for now. In the end Monica formulates it like this, “I will change the topic or end the conversation when it seizes to be productive.” Before we start a little simulation of ‘open door time’, I ask Monica to connect to the clarity within herself. Monica puts one hand on her forehead and the other on her solar plexus. “Okay, from this place of clarity, we are now going to enter into the simulation. Are you ready?” I wait for her signal and continue, “For the purpose of this simulation I am going to take the role of a team member coming to consult you.” We go through a few rounds of role play in which Monica often hesitates but eventually manages to keep the conversations fairly brief, despite my best efforts to digress and ‘talk in circles’. “Okay, Monica, we’re going to have one last round now. So if there is anything else you want to find out about yourself, now is the time to do it.”

As I finish speaking, Monica’s face lights up and she says, “Let’s do it, I’m ready!” We go through the final round in which Monica seems to ‘find her stride’ and take control of the situation. “When you ‘warned’ me about this being the last round and the need to refocus, something clicked” Monica says afterwards, “That solved the hitch for me. You see, I don’t want to just cut people off, in case there is an important point yet to come, but if I find a way to say ‘We’ve only got very little time left, please refocus and come to the essence’ then I feel they get their chance, the cut-off is not abrupt.” “So you’ve discovered a ‘method’ that makes it easier for you – great.” After a brief pause, I continue, “Now let’s look at your inquiry again: You wanted to change one parameter to improve the interaction with your team during open door time. You chose to try keeping the conversations short and productive by ending them or changing the subject when they seize to be productive. Has that had the desired effect?” “It definitely has – and beyond that it has also helped me to feel more present and stay engaged the whole time.” “How do you think the experience of open door time is now different for the other party involved?” “I feel it’s fairer to them if they are really heard and then, when I don’t have the capacity to really hear them anymore, I end the conversation. It is more honest, I think.” “I agree. Speaking as the ‘other one’ – from the experience I just made in the role play – I could sense when you checked out mentally. It was quite frustrating.” We pause, then I ask, “Try to detach yourself as much as possible and look at it from the ‘fly-on-thewall-perspective’: How does this affect the communication in the team overall?” “It will help the team members and me to stay focused in our direct exchanges. Hopefully in the future people will come more prepared and be able to say what they want to say briefly and concisely.” 2010 August

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“So how would you summarise your learning?” Monica gives a little laugh “It’s a bit like my son’s train set. If you don’t operate the track switch in time, the train will have to go all the way around the long circuit again before you get another chance to manoeuver it into the station. I have to be vigilant and realise when the point comes to operate the ‘track switch’ in my conversations.” So Monica decides to place a little track switch lever on her desk to remind her of her learning. “Alright, we’ve got half an hour left, let’s have a quick look at the third aspect, the overview and analysis. For your present situation you wrote: impatient, progressive, sometimes stuck; for the ideal you put: wise, driving change and maintaining stability.” We decide that we will only do the first two steps, clarify the inquiry and design the experiment, for this aspect. By now Monica has enough experience with the method to complete the cycle by herself. The inquiry is a question that is designed to help her get from the current position to the ideal position. So Monica lays out two pieces of paper in front of her, one with ‘impatient, progressive, sometimes stuck’, the other with ‘wise, driving change, maintaining stability’. I ask her “What is your inquiry?” She looks at them both for a minute. Then I ask her to stand on a chair and look at them from a different perspective and make some mental notes. Finally I ask her to get down again and zoom in on one word at a time. “What I get stuck on is the detail. That’s mainly what I mean by ‘sometimes stuck’. So I would like to inquire how I can become aware of that and zoom out again.” “Great, you’ve got your inquiry. So let’s have a closer look at your behaviour to determine which one parameter you could change to make a difference in that situation.” In order to do that, I ask Monica to remember a situation when she was stuck on a detail. “How did being stuck manifest itself?” “I was spending much more time on the issue than it deserved. There were more urgent and important matters to be dealt with but I just kept on trying to resolve this issue. It’s a bit like an obsession with

something. Not nearly as extreme, but similar in the way that I lose sight of other things that are going on. It’s like being blinkered.” “What is the difference between the feeling you are describing and being focused?” “When I’m focused I choose to give all my attention to one issue because it is very important or urgent. When I feel stuck, I cannot drag my attention away from an issue, even though there are more urgent matters for me to take care of.” I inquire a little more into the nature of these urgent matters waiting to be taken care of and it transpires that these are things Monica does not enjoy doing. So she gets ‘stuck’ on something when there are unpleasant tasks waiting for her attention. “What one thing could you change in your working day to change this behaviour?” “I suppose I could do the unpleasant things first, get them out of the way, so I’m ‘free’ for the rest of the day?” “That sounds like a good experiment to me. Since you’ll be finishing the cycle on your own, keep a journal on your experience, make an entry on ‘getting stuck’ every day. Then go through the typical ‘gathering’ questions, like: ‘What difference has the change made to me? What difference has it made to my working day? What difference has it made to my team members?’ If there is anyone at work you can ask for feedback that would help as well. Get as many different views and perspectives as you can. Finally, summarise your learning. And then you’ll see whether the result is satisfactory or whether you need another cycle.”

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Monica takes a few notes on that while I go through the notes I keep on her sessions. “So Monica, can you remember where you were when you first came here?” “Oh yes” she gives a little laugh, “I was quite overwhelmed by my life. I never seemed to have enough hours in the day.” “What changes or development have you seen over the past six weeks?” “Oh lots! The main thing for me is that I now have feel vibrant, alive and in the present. I no longer have the feeling I am playing catch-up with my life.” “So how would you describe your situation now?” “More calm, more in control. There’s still room for improvement, of course, but it is miles better than where I started.” “Could you describe where you have arrived now, what you have achieved, without ifs and buts and without reducing it? “I have increased my clarity, radiance and freedom of choice. As a result I feel like a vivid, vibrant and confident woman who lives in the present and enjoys life’s abundance.” “Wow your face is so radiant, your eyes are shining when you say that. It certainly shows how you feel. What about your initial inquiry, your work-life balance?” “I’m a lot clearer on what that means to me now, so it’s easier to focus on it every day and to ensure I maintain it.” “Great. Final words?” “Thank you.” “Thank you.”

The writer is the Director, Founder and Initiator of Arcata Interactive Communication Coaching. She combined the skills and experience she gained from being Personal Coach, Dance Therapist and Managing Director for many years to create unique coaching programmes for private and professional people. Arcata offers public courses, tailor-made in-house coaching and one-to-one coaching sessions for professional and personal development. For more information please visit www.arcata.cc

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PSSSTTT... Apes

Dolphins do it.

You I too...

What’s the buzz on gossip, and why is it so much fun?

Is it man’s playground and woman’s authority? Nadira Mendis Amarasinghe

digs around

August 2010

how me someone who never gossips, and I’ll show you someone who isn’t interested in people.” I don’t know about you, but when I hear that it was Barbara Walters who said that, I’m willing to bet that she knows what she is talking about. From lunch time chats at the office, to cocktail party buzz, to late night Facebook/MSN rendezvous I think it would be safe to say that most of us, if not all, enjoy the delectable pleasure of talking about other people. But where did it all start? Does one sex gossip more than the other? Is there a constructive use for gossip? What do we do with gossip that comes our way? Do we have a preference for the type of gossip we engage in? Allow me to go technical on you for just a moment. The word gossip has as many connotations as the details of a generally juicy session of gossip does. Gossip can be ‘light, informal conversation for social occasions’; it can be ‘a conversation about others that reveal information about their personal or private lives’; or ‘a general report of the behaviour of other people’; and it can also be ‘a way of talking, socially without divulging too much information about oneself.’ Or it can be the name given to an individual who loves to pass on bits of information about other people. Here’s a common thread that runs throughout all the definitions: gossip is talking about people who aren’t present in the ongoing conversation.

What Darwin missed Take a few steps down with me on the lad-

Even those who do engage in malicious gossip, often do it unconsciously. They place themselves on high moral ground, and see themselves charitably looking down on their slowly sinking victim.

der of evolution. The dolphin has been labelled one of the most intelligent mammals, next to human beings. Just between you and me, I most certainly feel that they are indeed more intelligent than some of the human beings I have met in my life! But here’s a shocker: they gossip! Yes, these cute marine mammals actually talk about others of their kind, in their absence! Makes you wonder about those wide, smiling, innocent-looking dolphin faces we see on Nat Geo now, doesn’t it? In an article titled The Last Days of Gossip, in the Discover Magazine, Bruno Maddox writes, “Each bottlenose individual identifies itself by a unique pattern of whistles and clicks along the lines of woo-woo-wee-wee, or even woo-weewoo-woo-wee-woo. What was not known until a Scottish research, however, is that a pair of dolphins use the name of a third dolphin when that third dolphin isn’t present. In other words, dolphins gossip.” Interesting isn’t it? Research has also shown that apes talk about each other during the time they meet for their daily grooming sessions (If you ever wondered how ‘beauty salon gossip’ came about, well, now you know). So I would say that it’s safe to assume that gossip was not invented by humans in the last century or two, but has actually evolved pretty much in the same way intelligence across species has. Woman Today conducted a mini survey to see how people react to gossip in general. What we discovered ran essentially along the lines of what people generally thought about gossip, with a few exceptions. Both men and women answered the questionnaire on gossip, and on most questions they had pretty much the same

views, but there was a distinct difference in how they answered a key question. “It is said men gossip less, do you agree?” All of the women who answered the questionnaire said they disagreed with that statement, and 100 percent of the men emphatically agreed with it! The question that followed asked them to give reasons for their answer. Women said that men have the same need to satisfy curiosity, that they do gossip but they call it ‘a discussion’ or ‘analysing a situation’, but basically it boiled down to the fact that they do indeed engage in as much gossip as women do. I have to agree. My husband often hovers when I am on the phone and when I wave him away he mumbles something about me getting ‘some juice’ on someone else. But I must say for someone who sounds so put-off by it, he seems very anxious to know the details when I hang up! When I do choose to divulge the contents of my conversation, he soaks it up. Here’s what I can say with certainty in his defence; I rarely hear him passing it on. This however doesn’t mean that he gossips less. It might simply mean that he doesn’t know people who might be interested in knowing about people I know and vice versa! Gender and gossip also has a few evolutionary/biological bases. Looking back at the earliest human civilisations of the

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We build alliances by gossiping. When we share a piece of gossip, we actually send a message to the recipient of the gossip that we have deemed them worthy of receiving this bit of information from us...

hunter/gatherers, it was women who had the chance to talk while moving along with their daily chores. Gathering fruits, berries and vegetables, drawing water from streams and rivers did not require silence, so they would talk as they went about their work making it easier for them to share and spread information about the community. Men, on the other hand, were out hunting, which required prolonged periods of lying quietly in wait for their prey to come by. This didn’t leave much room for so much as a loud cough, let alone the exchanging of neighbourly information of any kind. According to Marianne Bjelland Kartzow in her book Gossip and Gender, an academic study of gender differences in gossip, men felt excluded from the conversations of women, and so would watch these conversations from afar and trivialise it by calling it ‘idle gossip’ and it was this patriarchal notion that led to the stereotype of gossip becoming a group of women engaged in animated conversation.

The devil is in the details Biology has also unwittingly helped stigmatise women as the source of most gossip. The left side of any human’s brain is the verbal, detail -oriented side, and in women this side is more developed than in men. Women, by a large margin, are more verbal about everything (cue for men to roll eyes and agree!), but jokes aside, even by the age of two, girls have used twice

August 2010

as many words as boys have. But women using more words and detail to express themselves than men do, doesn’t make men less likely to be interested in, or pass on information about, other people. It’s just that men use less detail and words. A typical female conversation would go something like this – “OMG! Did you hear that X and Y are splitting up? He was having an affair with his secretary and X found out. She is devastated! The poor kids! They’ve sent the kids to her mother’s till it’s sorted out. I hope he agrees to settle out of court and fast, instead of dragging it out! It’s such a shame! They seemed SO happy!” A male conversation about the same subject would go something like this – “Y is getting a divorce.” “Why?” “His 24-yearold secretary!” “Oh! Let’s take him out for a drink after work!” And if anyone thinks that the after work drink did not bring out all the juicy details of the saga (especially details about the 24-year-old secretary), think again. Women will make sure they know all the minute details about the situation because that is simply how women are. We need ALL the details to see the whole picture. Men, on the other hand, may not need as many details (storage for detail might be an issue) but this doesn’t mean they don’t need or want the basic information. So now we’ve basically established that different species gossip, that women and men both gossip, but WHY do they gossip? Does it do anything constructive? In our survey we found that 100 percent of the people admitted to engaging in gossip, and the majority of people, that is exactly 92 percent of them thought gossip was fine as long as it wasn’t harmful, while the rest of them believed that just talking about someone who wasn’t present was wrong (but they did it anyway and felt guilty about it).

A virtual boost The thing with gossip is, it went electronic making it easier than it’s ever been to talk about other people. It’s very hard for anyone to stay aloof of information about others with stuff like Facebook and Twitter going around. You log on to your account and your entire news feed is about other people. Permit me to coin a term here, if you will. Though I agree that everything we hear or see on social media networks doesn’t fall into the category of hard gossip, it can certainly be considered to be ‘soft-gossip’! Here’s what I mean; “Ben is now friends with Nancy” – Really? How do they know each other? “Sonya is now in a relationship” – OMG! Since when? Ahmed just uploaded 12 new pictures to the album title ‘My Family’ – “Awwwww his kids have grown so much since last month’s upload!” Not only do we read all this, we respond in our heads, or actually write a comment, we add our share to the information chain. Having said that I must also say, it is essential to make the distinction between gossip and real, proper information sharing. At the end of the day, the difference between the two boils down to the intention behind the statements we make. When we say, “Mike is no longer in a relationship” we can just convey the information we see as a simple statement, or we can repeat it with the hidden agenda of finding out more information in order to repeat it to someone else. Many people use networks like Facebook and Twitter for official purposes and there are those who don’t. Those who use social networks for official purposes often use it expressly for sharing information. While this doesn’t qualify the information to be called gossip, there can be occasions when the line between the two can also blur. Anyway to get back to the all important question; we update our statuses, we post pictures, we argue with friends on our ‘wall’ all of which is public to at least the 200+ people on our ‘friends list’. Whether it is how ‘hot’ we think someone is, or a new birth in the family, or our baby’s first step we have got into the habit of putting it all out

there! But, why? Gossip has two sides to it. There is that side that gives you the warm fuzzies, when you catch up with a good friend and discuss all that has happened to you and mutual acquaintances since your last catchup session. Then there is the dark side, the nauseating shame and frustration, not to mention the blinding rage you experience when you discover that someone is spreading bad and hurtful news about you. Let’s first look at the bright side. Networking! No it’s not a coverall for mindless gossip. It’s a fact! We share information in order to build and maintain networks. Our social structure is complex and forever changing, and this information helps us stay in touch with what’s happening. When I go back to Sri Lanka on holiday, I meet up with my three closest friends. We have known each other since we were all freshman in college, and thanks to our well organised networking, I don’t feel left out or lost during conversations about the goings-on in their lives or lives of other mutual friends and acquaintances. So call it information or soft gossip or whatever you will, but the fact is that it keeps you connected.

Information is power Here’s another reason we use gossip for: Influence. We use gossip to build influence. When we talk we drop names of people we know, we show how much we know about certain people, and so build ourselves up in the eyes of the person or people we are talking to. Think of the colleague who constantly talks about your biggest client’s family life. They build themselves up as someone who has influence with the client since they seem to be privy to so many personal details that one would not know if they were not emotionally close. As much as men might not want to admit it, this is something they engage in quite often, in order to build or boost their image in the eyes of others. Alliances. We build alliances by gossiping. When we share a piece of gossip, we actually send a message to the recipient of the gossip that we have deemed

them worthy of receiving this bit of information from us, thus building up an alliance with them. Think of the number of times we have said “I’m gonna tell you something, but you can’t breathe a word about it to anyone!” With that statement you build a strong tie between yourself and the other person. In our survey, we found that people heard the best gossip from, and passed on the best gossip to their close friends. I for one am notorious for sudden ‘cropping’ of my friends list on Facebook, and am guilty of making those who remain on it feel like I have just bestowed a great honour on them by letting them stay my friends and being privy to my personal life.

Gossip is a great component of the glue that keeps our society together, and as long as it is not malicious or degrading, it can serve a number of positive purposes.

Tread carefully On the flip side, gossip can be negative if done maliciously and viciously. Let’s say David decides to raise his own status with Nada by telling her something negative about Yousuf. As likely as it is that Nada will see herself as privileged to receive this information from David, she might also walk away wondering how many times David said negative stuff about her to people in the office. Although gossip can strengthen bonds in a community, it can also create a contest between winners and losers. Negative gossip about third parties who have no chance to defend themselves is dangerous and can rebound on the gossiper. To be good at malicious gossip, one needs to build up a high level of subtlety and skill, and thankfully this is frowned upon and thought of as very distasteful by everyone. Even those who do engage in malicious gossip, often do it unconsciously. They place themselves on high moral ground, and see themselves charitably looking down on their slowly sinking victim. This is exactly what we do when we gleefully soak up information about the

latest celebrity gossip. ‘Paris Hilton’s marijuana charges in South Africa’, ‘Gary Coleman’s ex-wife’s right to switch off life support’, or ‘Miley Cyrus’ ex-boyfriend’s nude pictures’, whichever piece of gossip we choose to follow, we place ourselves on higher moral ground and in the process of reading the gossip we judge the victim. However, our survey showed that the older the person was, the less likely they were to be interested in celebrity gossip. But gossip about friends and acquaintances knew no barriers; every age group in both sexes agreed to engaging in gossip about people they knew personally, though no one wanted to share the most interesting piece of gossip they remember hearing. Gossip is inevitable, it is a part of our lives. Actually it is an essential part of our lives and no one, not men, not women, nor children, can say that they are above such idle chatter. When all is said and done, the funny thing about gossip is this; it is strangely a great component of the glue that keeps our society together, and as long as it is not malicious or degrading it can serve a number of positive purposes

(The author is a psychologist and counsellor. She writes for Woman Today and addresses various psychological and emotional issues. If you have questions, you wish answered, write in to wtoday@omsqatar.com)

2010 August

gossip

mind on my

by shalinee bharadwaj

“Have you heard of Mrs Lockerhead’s latest extra marital? I met her ex at a party and oh boy... he was oozing poison! Quite progressive, isn’t she?”

“Did you see Smita’s style...

Looks like she’s going to be the next Miss Universe?”

come across such suggestive sentences – often left open ended, sometimes streaked with assured evidence and almost always laced with definitive sneer, throughout my waking hours. The decisive strength of any social gathering, placing it on the pedestal of success or casting it as outright boring, these delicious moments of ‘friendly’ chitchat are cherished and awaited by all. Call it the devil in us or simply a genetic etiquette; we are all caught in this ever tempting desire to talk about lives and lifestyles of people around us.

The ultimate lure Wondering what makes us lust for a peep into matters not related to us, I decided to surf through the wonder world of Google and out came an interesting result. We may be biologically tuned to it! Evolutionary psychologist Dr Charlotte De Backer says that we’re genetically programmed

August 2010

slug to gossip! Gossip lights up our brain cells in positive ways, literally making us feel good. “It is widely known for humans that chocolate stimulates the release of endorphins, and therefore eating chocolate stimulates feelings of happiness,” says Dr De Backer. “Gossip is also an instant stimulator of endorphins.” Talking about other people releases those feel-good hormones, the reason why gossip feels so inviting. Gossip also plays a role in developing human intelligence and furthering social lives! In the times when humans competed with the beasts for survival, gossiping about the neighbours and surroundings ensured better chances of survival. Today, people who know what’s going on – who’s quitting a job, who’s selling a house, who’s leaving her husband – stand a better chance of finding new jobs, making better real estate deals, and befriending new bachelors. Gossip equips us with information that provides us a lead, an edge above the rest! So, does it mean that gossip is healthy to be engaged in? “We certainly do not deny that gossip behaviour has its drawbacks,” say researchers at the University of Oklahoma. “Still, if there is a positive side of gossip, we believe it is that shared, mild, negative attitudes toward others can create and/or amplify interpersonal intimacy.” Shared gossip over a ‘common enemy’ can befriend strangers, enhancing social bonding. Gossip counters secrecy. It may reveal the personality of men and women. People who gossip reveal enriching information about themselves. But, remember – if someone gossips endlessly about others, he/she may also be gossiping about you!

The fine art of gossiping Much as a fine narrator, to be a true gossiper is an art that polishes with time and experience. While everyone is a gossiper to some extent, the nature and knack varies from person to person. The savvy gossiper: This category includes people who have developed the capability to spread news and views in the

most sophisticated manner. They appear intellectual, indifferent and trustworthy. Almost always their gossip will be close to reality. You will never find them getting caught on the wrong foot. While you can be easy bait to their gossiping, they seldom reveal anything about themselves. The relentless gossiper: Gossiping is their major forte and they make conversations interesting by their spicy talks. Most of the gossips are revealed, created and set ablaze in this category. More often than not, these people are guided by ethics of gossiping and intentionally won’t harm anyone. Such people like to talk about and discuss their own lives as well. Popular, though not always likeable in the social circles, they befriend strangers easily. The loose talkers: This is the category you need to be wary of. Without much experience in healthy gossiping, they tend to reveal secrets that may cause harm to the reputation or prospects of other people. While you can extract gainful information from them; it is highly unadvisable to reveal your status to them. Gossiping requires balance. We don’t trust the tight-lipped, nor do we confide in blabbermouths. It is a sin to distort the truth, but it is also a sin to be boring. Gossip can be a wonderful ally, only if the code of conduct is set and practised. Keep secrets: Although it seems counterintuitive, good gossipers are extremely adept at keeping some information in confidence. Nothing will get you ejected from a social network faster than the knowledge that you’re the community post office. Know your audience: In general, people are most interested in their peers: people of their own age and gender. Men like to hear about money and their bosses; women like to hear about anything and everything. Embellish: “People are more compelled by story than by truth,” says Hollywood publicist Michael Levine. Although outright lying will get you in trouble, colourful storytelling is almost always preferred to drab reality. Never reveal your sources: Artful gossips know how to keep the original

name

source of their dish hidden. This is especially true when they are the original source. Don’t rebuff a disclosure: Resist telling someone to shut up, even if their gossip makes you uncomfortable. Smile, tell a joke and redirect the conversation. “Return their overtures in spirit, but not in content,” says psychologist Sara Wert.

A life without gossip As psychologist Dr Sandi Mann puts it, “A life without gossip is an admirable quest but one that is probably as unlikely as pledging to live a life without telling lies. Put simply, without gossip we run out of things to say-and without things to say, we cannot build relationships!” Blogger Lucy Silag decided to run through the soul cleansing process after many catfights only to find that life is impossible without gossip. In her words, “Of all the self-righteous, self-imposed selfimprovement schemes I’ve ever undertaken, giving up on gossip definitely left me the loneliest. Not to mention the quietest. It was only when I was stripped of the ability to talk freely about other people that I realised how much of my incessant commentary had been gossip rather than real opinions about things that actually matter.” Now at least we can rest assured, free of guile or guilt, to indulge in this old art of creating social relations. While steering clear of the rumour mill, following the path of healthy gossip in today’s highly interactive society may be just your gateway to a prolonged healthy and informed life. Juicy gossip may be a substitute to chocolates in the endorphin release, what parallel alternative can we wish for in our diabetes ensnared lives. And in case you ever got caught-blame it on genetics! Staying true to the spirit and soul of gossip, I therefore pledge to let myself flow with the word of mouth. Despite the negative connotations it invites, I hope I am able to shun some negativities off this unique form of human articulation.I must leave now and check on Lucil. Saw her puffy eyed in the morning...guess she is on with her second divorce...

2010 August

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hy is it that Demi Moore’s botox-injected non-wrinkled avatar or Madonna’s latest adoption lawsuit is capable of inviting and holding our attention and thought to the extent that it does? What makes us gossip about celebrities? The rich and the famous-the glitterati? Their lives evoke a pleasurable rush, an allure we love to chase. Our lives are stressful and busy – and maybe a little boring sometimes! Knowing that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt disagree about whether or not to spank Zahara or that Lindsay Lohan is in a sticky situation over her legal battle, momentarily liberates us from the boredom and monotony of a routine common man’s life. Celebrity gossip is safer than any other gossip; we can spread rumours, give our opinions, and spend hours speculating about the lives of the glitterati without ramification. It

August 2010

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The final Hunt

rom the moment she stepped foot outside, Princess of Wales, Lady Diana had camera lenses and microphones pushed in her face. She was constantly pursued and for this reason, she sometimes had to hide or disguise herself in order to avoid the unyielding persistence and constant harassment of the press. “There was a high price on the head of Diana, Princess of Wales – dead or alive, as it tragically turns out. The amount being paid for any picture of the princess getting to know her first serious beau since her divorce had increased dramatically. Princess Di was used to being the most photographed woman in the world, but her link-up with Dodi Al-Fayed had thrown the scavengers of celebrity into a heightened state of alert.” – Time magazine A graceful, ambitious and competent life lost in a shroud of rumours, she ultimately found her solace in a tragic end.

A mistaken identity?

fter falling prey to painkiller drugs and getting ripped off for allegations of child abuse, the King of Pop was compelled to seek refuge in a rehab. He lived a life full of rumours and scandals. From the changed colour of his skin to gossip about his marriage and children, Michael Jackson’s lifestyle nourished gossip columns incessantly. Even his death left behind a mystery to be solved or maybe not to be resolved so as to continue greasing the continually churning buzz wheel.

instills in us the much-needed feel-good factor.

A dream to chase Celebrity life has continued to provide fodder for the million magazines and websites that command an astonishing reader fellowship. Celebrities serve as public examples of what can happen when one has everything that money can buy along with the freedom to create fabulous relationships. Most of us have limitations on our resources. That pool may be larger for some, but what we share in common is that very few of us have the ability to step off the grid. Celebrities can. In addition to a fleet of Ferraris and Louis Vuitton handbags, their privilege also affords them the mental freedom to take unlimited time off to spend on their dream vacation with a company of their choice. Or to ponder and act upon questions related to happiness and what is life? This gives us a role model, a life we would love to step into. There is something about the financial freedom and the personal liberty that we find enticing. For the few

moments that it takes to read or watch their stories, we’re transported out of our own lives and into theirs. We get to experience what we think it would be like to walk in their shoes.

The other side of the table Much as we find ourselves involved and lost in the tinsel world, the other side of the story is equally compelling and surprising. The celebrity world is full of examples when the entertainment publications and news sites and channels have impacted their lives strongly, even harshly! That is the time when we find the real world being controlled and even dictated by the power of the written word. Distorted facts published as paparazzi scoops have been known to create havoc with the already tumultuous lives of the celebs. In their quest to present a tantalising story, rumours and gossips are followed till the time they are baked up to the level of entertaining scandals. It’s a matter of ‘You scratch my back and I will scratch yours’! The celebrities also take full advantage of the gossip mill,

lashing at their peers or just to keep themselves ‘in the news’. After all, to be on the pedestal, staying famous is more important than being famous! With the blown up gossips, celebrity relationships do feel the stress of damage, in turn producing a litter of more gossips. And by staying in tune with this entire media circus, we in some bizarre way find a release from our own stresses! The truth stays that gossip magazines still sell better than most literary best sellers. Accept it or not, celebrity gossip is an inseparable aspect of our lives and we love it!

Growing-up blues

iley Ray Cyrus gained fame for her role as Miley Stewart/Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel sitcom Hannah Montana, which began in 2006 and is currently in its final season. Hannah Montana became an instant hit and propelled Miley to teen idol status, according to The Daily Telegraph. With fame comes controversy and when she began her transition from the lovable TV star to an adult actress and singer, she found gossips and rumours spread along her way. Her onstage costumes and dance performances have ignited media criticism all over. Currently entangled in a mesh of bad image, Miley is well set to drop significantly in the popularity charts that once heaved her to the celebrity status.

2010 August

Slug

name

The Get a grip on the grapevine

Being the official teller of tales is not the way to be everybody’s best friend. Frankly, being everybody’s best friend is not possible at all. So choose your gossip buddies with care.

Commandments

02 03

When gossiping about the boss, be extra careful. Chances are one of your colleagues is a snitch.

While gossiping with the boss – yes, you must – be reluctant, very reluctant, to divulge information about colleagues. And only give away information that is known to more than a couple of folks at work. If colleagues get to know you are feeding the boss with juicy stories, you will be ostracised. It’s ok to discuss botched-up presentations (Excel sheets are extra large bedspreads), body odour (deo deficit) and personal hygiene (a messy bathroom in Y’s wake). But don’t cook up stories, and definitely don’t spread malicious gossip that are true only in your vivid imagination.

04 05

Keep gossip to a gentle back and forth on the weird things people do – but don’t elevate it to the not-so-fine art of character assassination.

Don’t intrude on people’s privacy – sneaking into their mail boxes, going through their cabinets, reading their text messages on the sly – to provide fodder for gossip. That’s plain unethical.

f you are out of the office grapevine, chances are you are out of it altogether. Office gossip has its utility, but like all things tasty, too much of a good thing can land you with a pain in the belly.

Now, before you shake your head in disapproval, answer these questions. l You’ve made a mean joke at a colleague’s expense. l You’ve been part of a gossip session, even if you haven’t contributed to the conversation. l You’ve spread unconfirmed titbits about colleagues. l You felt no glee at your boss’s slips, and did not snicker about it. If you’ve answered ‘Yes’ or ‘Maybe’ to any of these questions, get off your high horse and get tuned into ethical gossiping.

August 2010

Employees would rather deal with gossiping co-workers than with colleagues who have poor time management skills, according to Randstad, a leading staffing firm and workforce solutions provider. The company’s new Work Watch survey, conducted by Ipsos Public Affairs among more than 1,000 employed adults in the US, revealed the top three workplace pet peeves to be: people with poor time management skills (43 percent), gossip (36 percent) and messiness in communal spaces (25 percent).

If you are the boss, don’t initiate a gossip session. Don’t encourage compulsive gossipers. But don’t turn a deaf ear either. You need to be in the know.

08 09

Always question the gossiper’s intention before you accept every word as gospel truth.

If you have friends at work, it’s critical that you not only not gossip about them, but also that you alert them on things that may damage their cred or official position.

10 11

Keep religion and race out of gossip.

The only thing worse than being gossiped about is not to be talked about at all.

filial

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Gender Blender

What does it mean to raise gender-neutral children? ral kids? How difficult is it to raise gender-neut Does it benefit the child to be raised gender neutral? Nadira Mendis Amarasinghe explores the stereotypes ildren. we force on our ch It’s a boy!!” or “It’s a girl!!”! From the moment the doctor calls out these words at the time of delivering an infant, the child’s fate is sealed. Forever he or she will be viewed, treated and judged by that label of their sex. In the hospital they will be assigned blue name tags if they are a boy and pink if they are a girl, their rooms at home will be decorated along the same lines, their clothes will be chosen to suit this label and

their given name will fit the label too. But is it possible that as parents we put far too much emphasis on making our children live up to the labels? What then is gender? Does the world push our kids into gender stereotypes? It is essential that as parents we understand clearly the distinction between sex and gender. When we refer to the sex of someone we talk about their biological make-up – hormones and internal and external sex organs. It’s very clean cut and

you really can’t go wrong with it. But when we speak of gender, it is so much more complicated and vague. Gender refers to what a society or culture delineates as masculine or feminine. It has to do with our learning process and our environment, and essentially has more to do with who we are than our biological sex does. So while the concept of sex remains constant globally, gender roles and the corresponding expectations change from culture to culture. Having said this, we must also realise that 2010 August

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since the world has shrunk a great deal because of mass media and communication development, the same gender stereotypes bombard most kids around the world. In the 1950s and 1960s, psychologists started focusing on the role of parents in the shaping of childhood gender. The prime focus of these studies were to help parents ensure that their sons turned out ‘masculine’ and girls ‘feminine’ in order to help them fit into their ‘natural’ roles in family and society. But with the end of the 21st century came an influx of thought about how severe gender stereotypes keep children from realising their true potential, and so was coined the term gender-neutral parenting. Contrary to popular belief (especially the popular belief of fathers) raising a gender neutral child does not mean we raise a child to be confused about their sexuality!

Contrary to popular belief raising a gender neutral child does not mean we raise a child to be confused about their sexuality! Gender neutrality has nothing to do with the physiological make-up of the child or their sexual preference later in life. What it means is we raise our children to go beyond the expected norms for girls and boys. To follow their hearts and do things that might generally be considered gender atypical, if they feel it is what they want to do. When my sons were toddlers, they were given baby dolls to play with. My father and my father-in-law nearly had seizures at the thought of their grandSONS playing with dolls. My husband just played it safe and stayed noncommittal (though that was more to avoid a confrontation with me than actual belief in my methods of child rearing), but I was convinced that it would bring out a softer, more sensitive side in their nature. Giving them dolls to play with didn’t turn them into girls or

August 2010

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heated too often cd to “be re a y e h T cry! encourageremove a Let a boy m otions and t, of their e you absolutely mus’t override his If n o !” d n t a bu to am to privacy, m to learn crying boyThis encourages theselves which feelings. ir feelings to them r in life. keep the s bigger issues late pose

If you have both girls and boys, use the same kind of discipline on both. Families that do believe in corporal punishment tend to use it more freely with their sons than their daughters. My advice would be to use non-physical measures for both and keep it constant.

Do not buy gender specific toys for your children unless they have particularly asked for it. Science, astronomy, and nature kits, books, art equipment, music CDs or instruments, sports or camping equipment, magic

kits and cards, puzzles, computer software, or some of the newer history sets like hieroglyphics code kits make great gender neutral gifts. l

Explain to your children that pinks and pastels being girly colours are just fashion, and like all fashion the trends are prone to change from season to season.

make them feminine. They still ended up gravitating towards the stereotypical cars, trucks, power tools and action figures, but it did teach them how to hold a baby while feeding it and how to gently lay a baby on a bed and how to change a diaper. I selfishly hope that many years from now, two young women will thank me for this. Teaching children, especially boys, to break through stereotypes is essential. It has become increasingly easy for women to take on roles that used to be thought of only as a man’s role. For example, bread winner, or CEO, or Pilot. But it is still very difficult for men to take on roles that used to belong solely to women. For example, primary care-giver for children or pre-school teacher or nanny. Many men would feel emasculated if made to stay home and look after the kids while their wives went off to work. Men who do stay home, work from home or work in shifts. There are very few men who do not work and opt to be a househusband. I think most of us, especially if we already have kids, will be familiar with the Australian kids band The Wiggles. Three of the four men who form the group, graduated from Macquarie University in Sydney with degrees in ‘Early Childhood Education’. There were only six men in a class of over 500 students studying for this particular qualification. I am guessing it would not have been easy being the minority and studying something that was so obviously a ‘female’ field, but they did it and it’s easy to see how they became extremely successful in their careers. But the question is why do children gravitate towards gender typical toys and choices even when given the option of breaking a stereotype? The only explanation for this is that we don’t grow up secluded. Society is not only about what you learn within your family. School, peers, and media have a great deal to contribute towards the person we become. Boys like Ben10 and girls like Hannah Montana – that’s the message they learn when they step out and make friends. Let’s look at one of the world’s leading toy stores. When you walk into it, the girls’ section is predominantly pink with touches of yellow, lavender and other pastel shades. The boys’ section is in shades of blue with

We might be trying to raise gender neutral children but it is essential not to lose ourselves and stamp down our kids’ true personalities in the process. touches of red, black, green, grey and brown. The pink area is filled with dolls, cooking sets, dress-up kits and tea-sets. The blue area is filled with motor vehicles, tools, action figures and toys to encourage spatial temporal skills. THIS is how children learn stereotypes. Hardly any boy I know would be seen dead in the pink section checking out the latest baby doll, but I do know quite a few little girls who would wander into the blue section and check out vehicles, power tools and science-experiment sets. This reemphasises that it has become easier for females to break through the gender barrier but it’s not as easy for males. With all this external bombardment of traditional gender roles, how do we as parents raise gender-neutral children? In her book Beyond Dolls & Guns: 101 WAYS to Help Children Avoid Bender Bias, Susan Hoy Crawford gives us, well, 101 things that we can do to help our children break through the boundaries of traditional gender stereotypes. I have summarised a few important parental tactics in the previous page. At the moment all modern parents are striving to raise gender-neutral children to fall in with the current trend buzzing around the world. But does this benefit the kids in any way? Yes it does. Girls are likely to strive to get ahead more, if they have been raised to break gender barriers. Boys grow up to be more in touch with their feelings and less prone to depression and mental illness if they are shown that it is ok to be emotional, and that ‘being a

man’ doesn’t mean bottling up their feelings. Showing of emotions also makes for healthier relationships with the opposite sex and better marriages. How many women do you know, who wish their husbands would be more emotionally demonstrative, and would share their true feelings rather than just provide for the family. Women who learn that to be self-sufficient does not mean letting go of your femininity have an easier time in marriage too. Think of the men who grumble about their wives being so needy and helpless, they’d be thrilled if their wives did know how to do certain things by themselves. However, sometimes in our drive to be egalitarian parents, where gender roles are concerned, we tend to overdo it. You can teach a little girl to be self-sufficient, but telling her she will never need a man is giving her the wrong idea. At the risk of sounding clichéd I must say we are social animals, we have been designed to need relationships, love, affection and the feeling of being needed by others. Being self-sufficient doesn’t mean not needing a relationship with a man, or not needing to sometimes lean on a man. In the same way, teaching a boy to be in touch with his feelings doesn’t mean he needs to burst into tears at the drop of a hat. Teary females are annoying, so yes, a teary male would be annoying too. In the same way, men would expect a woman to be supportive instead of melting into a pool of tears. Women also have a right to expect a man to be able to say what he feels but not breakdown all the time. We need to reach a balance. Some girls are just ‘girlier’ than others, just as some boys are more macho than others. We might be trying to raise gender neutral children but it is essential not to lose ourselves and stamp down our kids’ true personalities in the process. Encouraging your children to be gender neutral is great, but remember, if you feel like it isn’t working, rethink your own role and behaviour. Are you demonstrating gender neutral behaviour or are you playing a traditional role? Children are notorious for learning vicariously, and if what they see is contradictory to what they are being taught, they will be confused and are very likely to fall into the behaviour that they see modelled by those around them 2010 August

Style

stop

Mediterranean

Makeover Woman Today gets tips for a summer makeover from

Noor Ajlan Al-Kuwari, designer and owner of Kro-k,

an interior artefacts and furniture shop. showcase the rich culture of the Arabs through my interiors and through the shop,” says Noor, who has been practising interior design since 2000. Arab designs rule the decor at Kro-k with

“I want to revive Islamic designs,

most of the pieces hand-picked from Morocco.

Bright colours “In Arab architecture, rich colours are extremely popular. Colours always have the ability to dramatically change the surroundings. Use these throw cushions in silk on your existing sofa to a dramatic effect,” says Noor.

August 2010

Create your corner “For those who want to go in for a big change, the Moroccan table set is ideal. These small, intricately carved tables in leather will give a unique character to the setting,” feels Noor.

Fountains to cool “A beautiful fountain in silver filigree work is ideal to bring in the water element. This can be placed either in the entrance area or just before the Majlis area or also as a feature in your living room.”

Bring in light “These Arabic lamps can be quite dramatic, team it with the table and you create a beautiful nook in your room.”

Varied Vases “You can bring in some greenery by using this vase to keep some long stemmed stalks. The vases can be beautifully arranged at the corner of your room.”

2010 August

style

stop

Water

The finest nutrient for Anti-Ageing

he human body is made up of more than 65 percent water and requires us to drink a minimum of 10 glasses a day. By doing this, we will support the body’s need to replace water that is lost through breathing, perspiration, food digestion and excretion. One of the purposes of water is to ensure that the skin is well-hydrated and nourished, allowing healthy cells to be produced and for keeping the skin’s own collagen fibres water soluble and nourished. Collagen, a skin fibre, should be kept soluble for the skin to be fresh. If the skin’s collagen fibres are kept nourished with water, along with a healthy lifestyle and good skin care, we have a better chance of maintaining a youthful and healthy skin. Hydration of the skin is needed not only

through intake of water, but with external skin care too. Caring for the skin on a daily basis by cleansing and moisturising every morning and every night before we sleep, helps in maintaining healthy skin growth. The products that we choose for cleansing and moisturising is equally important as there are many products on the market that have an adverse effect on the skin and actually dry out the skin’s water and oil content, leaving the skin dry and flaky. The products should be from a professional skin care range with ingredients specially chosen with the skin’s needs in mind. To maintain hydration a natural humectant in our skin known as hylauronic acid is produced. Hylauronic acid can also be found in plants and a good product may contain this, helping to maintain the skin’s moisture content and to improve elasticity. After many years of working in the industry and using Derm-

alogica Professional skin care products, we highly recommend the application of Dermalogica Skin Hydrating Booster underneath a Dermalogica moisturiser for your skin type to assist with your skin care to maintain hydration.

How do you choose a good cleanser and moisturiser? It is recommended to have a professional international beauty therapist give you a skin analysis and consultation. They can determine your skin type and advise you of a routine and products best suited to your needs. It is advisable to compliment your skin homecare and product use with a professional skin care treatment at least once every month. This will help keep your skin revitalised and with a healthy glow. A visit to your professional therapist on a regular basis will also keep you informed of any changes your skin’s needs, as the weather changes also has an effect on the skin

For more smart tips on skin care, beauty, makeup and hair read the next edition of Woman Today. If you would like to have a professional skin analysis and consultation contact Qatar International Beauty Academy Tajmeel.

August 2010

Fragrant designs of

Christian Audigier

ragrance for men is inspired by the many designs of Christian Audigier – bright bursts of colour with an underlying edginess. The bright top notes represent the many colours used in his designs. The perfume opens with a colourful note, contrasted with a seductive masculine background of leather, rum and suede. An enticing scent of sparkling fruits, sensual woods and ambers represents an unforgettable femininity, packed into this seductive perfume for women. Indonesian sandalwood and rich black coconuts add further sensual depth to the fragrance.

Carolina Herrera for ‘la femme confidante’

lluring confident women form the inspiration behind the Fall 2010 collection. A sophisticated feminine attitude and striking details reveal integrity to luxury. Portraits printed on silk and realised only with a closer look, embroideries having a frenetic etched quality, and stones losing reflection when covered in felt, fills the collection. Shades of camel are injected with Prussian blue, deep red and okra floral print. Proportion is created with volume added to the forearms of sleeves and bell shaped skirts on dresses and coats. Degradé Prince of Wales and mohair windowpane wool inject masculine charm. For evening, fluid ruffles and sculpted pleats wrap around a more constructed form; instinctive elegance.

Davidoff:

Cool fragrances

avidoff has released its invigorating and refreshing – Davidoff Cool Water fragrances to beat the summer’s blistering heat, providing a daily blast of vitality for the active man and woman. The energising and intense, Cool Water Man releases a warm, musky aroma, that combines jasmine and oakmoss, geranium and sandalwood. And as refreshing and sensual as water itself, Cool Water Woman captures life’s most essential resource, water, in a shimmering mix of fragrant notes: aquatic, ozonic and botanical.

2010 August

STYLE

stop Knitted couture:

H&M Autumn 2010

ashionistas can look forward to autumn at H&M, with lots of elegant tailoring and a nod to the early eighties. The soft volumes and classic tweeds and silks from that era are back, along with the brown and beige colour palette. The suit and the blazer are functional everyday pieces teamed with denim or romantic frills and draping. Knitwear takes on new meaning in the autumn wardrobe, with classic fine knits like the oversized polo neck or boyfriend-style cardigan, or a feminine, figure-hugging jumper set. There are also creative jacquard, cable or braided knits, and heavy outerwear knits and accessories. Fine leather accessories, a cool man’s hat and a scarf complete the look.

Inspired dressing

by Marc Jacobs

he Fall Winter Collection by Marc Jacobs brings the focus back to the garments themselves – gentle and beautiful clothes made with the most luxurious fabrics and with the finest artisan techniques and quality. It marks a return to the romantic and feminine dressing. Colour palette is kept neutral, with shades of brown and grey as the base colours, mixed with all shades of beige. Patches of gold and lilac brighten up the collection. Inspired by the past, Marc’s collection finds reference from all decades, from the 30s (metered detail), 40s (chiffon dresses) and 50s (structured outerwear).

Ageless skin

with Nuxe

ive your skin a boost of youth with Nuxe’s Merveillance skincare line. This anti-aging range is for all women between the ages of 35-40 offering an exceptional efficacy and corrective action on visible expression lines at all levels of the skin. With its new Fluide Merveillance, the Merveillance range gives birth to the first skincare product that combines anti-wrinkle and mattifying actions. Composed of the patented Nuxe-exclusive preservative system, this highly activated natural formula is sure to steal years off your skin.

August 2010

Pen magic

by Waterman

aterman Paris has announced the release of its new collection consisting of four pens: Carène Essential and Carène Contemporary. The new designs are tastefully modern, architectural and sleek while maintaining their classic form. They are reminiscent of thin, precise waves which characterise the Carène Essential collection, and highly graphic designs which characterise the Carène Contemporary collection. The feel of Carène pens is extraordinary – sleek and silky, unusually fluid, evoking a feeling of elegance and presence. Created especially to appeal to people who seek objects of beauty that reflect their creativity and appreciation of design and elegance, and which, in effect, complement their modern, contemporary lifestyle. Construction of the entire collection relies heavily on the ‘guillochage’ technique, developed by the luxury industry and used by jewellers, gold and silversmiths to etch designs into fine metals.

Bracelet Bag

by Chloé

Colour and shine

with l´Oreal

his season is re-editing its iconic bracelet bag with a feminine appeal, naturalness in colour and warmth in texture that is eminent of the brand’s spirit. This exquisite piece is made in soft and natural lambskin, with exclusively embroidered crystal stones. The delicate detailing gives the iconic bag a sophisticated bling to it, maintaining its class and elegance. A must have of this season; the bag is worn like a bracelet forming the ultimate jewellery piece to be added on an outfit! Chloé offers this novel edition in two sizes: small and a large version and is available only in the Chloé Boutiques.

L´

Oreal Professionnel has introduced its professional range – Vitamino Colour to guarantee perfect shine, strength, and longer lasting protection of coloured hair from the harsh environment of the region that tends to fade hair colour and diminish the hair’s healthy shine and texture. Vitamino Colour’s newest hair care shampoo called ‘Delicate Color’ is the first sulphate free shampoo of the Serie Expert range. Its extra-mild cleansing base formulated with taurine protects the lipid film on the hair surface, and prevents water from entering the fibre eliminating the primary cause of loss of colorants in hair. It is also highly suitable for use after chemical treatments such as bonding and straightening. To maintain the delicate hair colour, L´Oreal Professionnel’s Powerdose Colour post colouration in-salon service is also available. The treatment is highly recommended as it sets and protects the hair colour and reinforces the hair fibre, leaving the hair light, soft and shiny.

2010 August

STYLE

stop

Dior’s Escale

aux Marquises

ior fashion has always embarked on journeys. The Escales are their alter ego in Perfumery – simple and authentic elegance for an olfactory escapade. With a Cologne spirit, the new Escale aux Marquises fragrance is orchestrated around the magnificent Tahitian Tiare flower, symbol of welcome and femininity. Spices from the most beautiful islands of the Indian Ocean were also selected to accentuate freshness. In this new Escale, a touch of Neroli and delicate Freesia enwrap this emblematic flower. The sweetness and sensuality of Tiare Flower are enhanced by a touch of one of the most beautiful varieties of Vanilla, grown locally.

GLAM Beauty Awards 2010

Brilliant Wish

By CHOPARD

hopard has revealed the Brilliant Wish, a new sparkling floral fragrance embodying the allure of the diamond with multiple facets evolving in time, symbolising the wish come true. It reveals a magical and luminous aura that enhances women’s femininity. A luminous star jasmine blended with delightful fruits and touched by a surprising hint of pink peppercorn is enveloped in velvet sensuality, featuring warm amber and precious woody notes to give a sparkling floriental fragrance. With its delicately golden-plated collar and feminine champagne colour fragrance, Brilliant Wish perfectly embodies modernity and preciousness. Its modern and sparkling floral trail takes the women wearing it to a world full of magic, ‘joie de vivre’ and passion.

August 2010

ith the growing abundance of beauty and cosmetic products in the market, the consumer is often spoilt for choice. But among all these products and brands, only a few stand out for the quality, performance and effectiveness they deliver. GLAM – Qatar’s only beauty magazine has announced Qatar’s First ever Beauty and Style Awards to recognise and award the best products and brands in the beauty business. A combination of reader votes and a jury ensures that only the most popular and by that logic the best performing products make the cut. This not only gives the readers of GLAM an instant must buy list but also acknowledges the brands which create these amazing products. FACES, Qatar’s leading cosmetics and beauty products retailer has partnered with GLAM to award the crème of the crop in the world of beauty. FACES, the must-go beauty destination, believes that the voice of the consumers is the right basis to judge the winners of the much awaited Beauty Awards.

What is it? l l

It’s all about recognising and rewarding the best beauty brands in the country. It offers the readers and consumers an opportunity to vote for their favourite beauty products.

What are the categories?

GLAM Beauty Awards will recognise the best products and brands in Hair care, Fragrances, Cosmetics, Skin, Nails and Beauty Salons.

When & where to vote?

The campaign period for voting will run through May till November, 2010. December will have the count and winning brand/ product will receive the recognition award from GLAM – Qatar’s only fashion magazine for the fashion conscious. People can vote by visiting FACES outlets at the Villaggio and Landmark Mall. Don’t miss out on the amazing prizes that await the voters, from FACES! For more details call 44550983 or email at glam@omsqatar.com or refer the ads in GLAM and Woman Today magazines or visit any of the FACES outlets!

Pamper your skin this summer:

Dermalogica

ermalogica, a professional skin care brand that does not believe in beauty! Rather it believes in the search of skin health which is what ultimately determines a beautiful skin and a glowing you! This summer, Dermalogica brings to you a professional skin care plan and a range of products that will give your skin real results. As much as we love summer and the sunshine and everything that goes with it, it can take its toll on our skin. Skin care experts at Dermalogica suggest five sizzling tips on how to keep your summer skin radiant. l Cleanse Most people will notice that their skins become slightly oilier in the summer months. Heat can cause your pores to open and thus stimulate more oil. As a result, the extra oil and the presence of dust and pollution can lead to blocked pores causing blackheads and pimples. The best way to combat this problem is to use a clay-based cleanser that helps absorb excess sebum and tighten the pores. Dermalogica’s Dermal Clay Cleanser (QR135) does just this! Not only can this cleanser double up as a masque for truly problematic areas, but the menthol can also help cool the skin and has an antibacterial effect. It is important to remember to cleanse your skin in the morning and night because our skin never goes to sleep! Another valuable tip is to ensure that you are cleansing right into your hair line and ears, and behind your neck to remove all traces of makeup and dirt, which can cause unsightly blackheads. l Exfoliate Blocked pores are easily remedied with an exfoliator. Dead skin cells can further block pores and aggravate blackheads and pimples. Dermalogica experts recommend that you use an enzyme or acid-based exfoliator, because scrubs can irritate sensitive or sunburnt skin and spread infection in the case of breakouts. Daily Resurfacer (QR320) contains salicylic acid and is packaged in an easy to use finger pouch for single use. Just wipe it over a cleansed face, neck and décolleté once and dispose. No need to remove this leave-on product! Daily Resurfacer also helps to improve moisture content of the skin and helps to minimise fine lines. Simply follow with the correct moisturiser and SPF. l Eye Care Your eyes are the windows to your soul. During summer it is essential that you invest in a good pair of sunglasses, so select a pair that is

fashionable and suits the shape of your face. Sunglasses form a physical block from the sun and UV rays, which is the number one factor in stimulating premature aging. But sunglasses don’t always protect the whole eye area, so choose an eye cream with an SPF that can do the job for you. Total Eye Care SPF15 (QR180) has a slight tint which will also help conceal dark circles and improve micro circulation to drain away excess fluid. The best way to apply an eye product is underneath your moisturiser with your ring finger; gently tap it in starting at the temples and working your way in and then back up towards your eyebrows. l Moisturise Oily skins are hesitant to moisturise as there is a myth that moisturisers can compound the problem. Not true! Moisturisers can actually help improve their problem if they include ingredients such as microsponges which help absorb excess oil throughout the day, keeping the skin looking matte and fresh. Oil Control Lotion (QR149) is ideal as it prevents dehydration typically caused from exposure to air conditioners and extreme heat. Alternatively try Oil Free Matte Block SPF20 (QR200) a 2-in-1 product which protects an oily skin from pigmentation and sun damage, and also hydrates and helps absorb excess oil. l SPF Although it’s been said a million times over, but nothing is more important in your skin care regime than a sun protection product. UV rays not only cause sunburn, but are also responsible for aging, hyper-pigmentation, uneven skin tone, loss of elasticity and can lead to cancer causing melanomas. Although there are many products on the market, it can be very confusing to select the correct one. Our advice is to stay away from chemical sunscreens as they can cause sensitivity and irritate the skin (look out in the ingredients list for anything starting with oxy). Try physical sun-blocks such as titanium dioxide and zinc oxide form a barrier on the skin and protect it from the harmful rays. Try Super Sensitive Face-block SPF30 (QR200) which can double up as a day time moisturiser. A second word of advice is to avoid products over an SPF30; SPF30 gives you about a 97 percent UV protection compared with a SPF50 or 100 which will only give you a maximum of 99 percent protection and contain far more potentially harmful ingredients. Dermalogica is available in select salons and skin

Qatar Skin Care Centre (QSCC) hosted the Dermalogica Core Concepts Week – a Post Graduate Training for Skin Professionals in Doha for the second time this year, from July 5-8. The Core Concepts Week focused on providing the professional skin therapists with confidence and greater knowledge on the skin, whilst also educating them on the customised use of Dermalogica products inside and out of the treatment room. The week was kick-started with an exclusive afternoon tea event for spa owners and managers of skin centres. Lindi Higginbotham, the International Educator for the Middle East, showcased the Dermalogica brand, highlighting important business modules and partnership benefits. The presentation was followed by networking between the businesswomen who shared ideas and experiences. QSCC staff was also on hand to provide extra information on the products whilst conducting the Dermalogica skin analysis technique, face mapping, at the skin bar.

centres in Doha. QSCC may be contacted for more details on 44353979. Dermalogica offers complimentary face mapping skin analyses; visit your stockist to see which products are best suited for your skin type and conditions. Also look out for local promotions and summer specials! 2010 August

health &

fitness

Shoulderstand

The queen of poses

n yoga we say that the mother and queen of all poses is the shoulderstand. Like with our mothers there are many reasons to appreciate it. Done correctly, the shoulderstand stimulates and rejuvenates your entire body. As an inversion it increases the blood circulation in the neck, chest, and back and due to the positioning of the neck against the chest it also stimulates the thyroid and parathyroid glands which in turn helps to regulate the hormones and weight glands. We call it the queen of poses (as opposed to the King which we reserve for Headstand) because shoulderstand helps to develop the feminine qualities of patience and emotional stability. It cools or neutralises the body and sedates the nervous system while releasing the muscles of the neck and shoulders. The importance of this pose for someone with an advanced or intermediate yogi practice cannot be overstated but for the beginner we must take extreme care. Like any matriarch, the pose can be extremely dangerous. Evidence of the care we need to take can be seen in popular yoga sequences such as the hot yoga sequence. This sequence was designed by a master yogi for western beginners and does not include either the headstand or the shoulderstand. In other traditions we are ‘given’ poses when deemed ready or we are made to wait for years before inversions become part of our practice. Alternatively we begin the pose with many props. The shoulderstand can be particularly dangerous for the westernised yoga beginner because we tend to hold all of our tension in the neck and shoulders and this is just where we need to be open and relaxed in order to practice the pose effectively. Another reason shoulderstand is especially dangerous for us is because more often than not we approach yoga as another performance sport and the desire to do a difficult and dangerous pose like shoulderstand will override every word of caution offered by your teacher. But for those of you who are eager to practice the shoulderstand regardless, here are some pointers to think about. There are two ways to do shoulderstand. The ‘proper’ way is to create a vertical inverted line. This is a very beautiful pose but depends on a couple of things. First – in this approach, we depend on the skeleton to help us support the weight of the body so

August 2010

that it is not thrust into the neck. If you do not get into this totally straight line you are putting yourself at risk. To get there, you need neck flexibility, open shoulders, an open chest and a strong core. The second way to do shoulderstand is more properly called viparita karini. In this version, the weight is on the back of the shoulders and on the hands so your neck and lower back is protected. You look more like a sideways V rather than a candle. This pose can also be practiced at the wall. To determine which of these poses you should begin with first assess how flexible your neck is. Can you press your chin to your chest without curling your upper back? Also look at the openness of your shoulders – can you clasp your hands behind you and bring them halfway up your back? If these are available to you and you have a strong core then you can begin to slowly work on this inversion. If not, I recommend that you focus on a standing yoga practice and on opening and releasing your shoulders. A slow and steady approach will open all doors and eventually you will practice the queen of yoga in such a way that she bestows intense pleasure

Do not do shoulderstand if: You are menstruating. You have high blood pressure. l You have a migraine or tension headache (your neck will be too stiff). l You have neck or shoulder problems (for the same reason). l You have any back issues. l You have any cardio vascular disease. l

Never turn your neck while you are in a shoulderstand. Practice shoulderstand under the guidance of a teacher and use modification to suit your body type. Valerie Jeremijenko is the director of the Dohabased Yama Yoga Studios which offers over 25 yoga classes a week. For more information see www.yamayogastudios.com

Cardio k c i k

Star Jumps From a squatted down position, jump up taking your hands and legs out to the side, trying to resemble the shape of a star. On landing, make sure you land on both feet together, lowering down back into the squat position, remembering not to allow your knees to pass over your toes. Use your arms to help lift yourself upwards. Try to complete as many star jumps as you can in 60 seconds, then rest for 30 seconds and try to beat your record!

Jump Squats Stand with your feet at least hip-width apart and place your weight on your heels with your toes pointed forward. Bend your knees and lean forward slightly to keep your knees over your ankles. Lift up hard with an explosive movement, and as your weight comes onto your toes, use your calf muscles to push your feet off the floor and get as much height as possible. Land on your toes before coming back down on your heels. Repeat this exercise 15 times, take a 60 second rest and repeat a further two sets.

It has been a hot month in Doha, so you might be starting to feel a little sluggish. The staff at Six Senses Spa, Doha offer up the perfect recipe to boost your energy levels: a range of simple exercises you can do at home to limber you up, raise your heart rate and give you the resolve to get through a scorching summer!

Jump Lunges Stand straight up, with your feet shoulder-width apart, but with one stationed about a foot and a half in front of the other. Your back leg should stand directly under your body, and your forward knee should sit at a 90-degree angle. Place your hands on your hips for balance. Jump up off the ground slightly, and quickly switch the position of your feet in midair. Keep your torso straight, now and throughout the exercise. Land in the mirror-image of your original position, Now jump back off the ground, switching your feet to your original position. Continue to alternate for 60 seconds. Take a 30-second break and repeat two more sets.

Hula Hoop Stretch Place your hands on your hips and your feet at hipwidth. Using a slow, controlled motion, swivel the hips around in a clockwise direction, as if you were using a hula hoop! Keep your upper body centred, and follow the motion while contracting your abdominals. Maintain the hula hoop stretch for 60 seconds, then reverse to anti-clockwise for a further 60 seconds. Grass-skirt and flower lei are optional!

2010 August

health &

fitness

Myriam Chandna scouts the city for women who don’t leave their safety to chance or knights in shining armour.

t the tender age of six, my first amateur elbow strike landed on my then three-year-old brother’s back – explaining my mother’s immediate decision to pull me out of karate classes and place me among a de rigueur and sophisticated flock of prancing ballerinas. Needless to say that with my rapid arm movements and leaps a frog could perform more gracefully, I stuck out like a sore thumb. However, my mother was convinced that as a result of her decision, I would evolve into a socially acceptable, aesthetically pleasing ladylike specimen with a strong and shining knight in armour by my side to protect me from any harm that came my way.

August 2010

Today, I am a trained runner with very basic rape defence skills (theory, really) and no knight in shining armour by my side to come to my rescue if some loony were to knee me down. All I can do is scream and sprint. Hence, I have always envied women who sported black belts and strode across the city with the mental and physical confidence of a bull. Unlike me, with one of my two lethal weapons: a can of pepper spray or simply, a brick. (Vocal chords and limbs are a plus when you’re not in a state of utter shock). In my humble efforts to guard myself from attack, I came to one conclusion: Whether you are a woman of the brick or the belt, a sense of physical strength

stimulates a sense of mental strength and stability. With this conviction, I decided to explore the importance of self-defence in a relatively safe and quiet city like Doha. Some women shared my belief, some didn’t – but it was fascinating to gauge the value to my fellow women, of being armed with the right skills to protect the body and mind.

A local perspective From my research in Doha, I gathered that the whole idea of self-defence activity, for most individuals, was triggered either of the two needs: protecting oneself from an attack on the street or physical fitness. Despite the largely safe neighbourhoods of

While it is true that Doha does not offer simple opportunities to remain fit, there isn’t a shortage of physical activities one can take up to learn a new skill or keep in shape. Natasha Wood practices Thai boxing with her partner at Falcon Taekwondo Academy. Doha, Kickboxing World Champion Rami Al-Banna, who teaches professional kickboxing to several women at the Qatar Foundation’s Recreation Centre, sees a rise in the number of female students in his class. “Initially, out of the average 15-25 students, not more than two or three were women,” says Rami, who hails from Lebanon. “But I am glad to see that the number of women has been increasing lately,” he says. According to him, self-defence is important for everyone. “Doesn’t matter who you are, what your job is or where you live,” he says. “It is the idea of being strong and able to protect yourself from anything or anyone.” His intense one-hour session is a combination of semi-contact, light contact, full contact, street-fight, and musical form kickboxing. “Kickboxing serves as a full body workout and a defence strategy, giving you the best of both worlds,” he says. Keghani Kouzoujian, a recent graduate of Carnegie Mellon University in Qatar and a student of Rami’s, has been practising with him for two months. A swimmer and yogi since childhood, first-timer, she believes that kickboxing enabled her to step out of her comfort zone. “Since childhood, I have been swimming and practicing yoga, so kickboxing was something new and challenging. And of course, it is certainly an advantage to know how to defend myself,” Keghani says. In the blinding glitz and glamour of it all, Qatar’s regional leadership in sports in terms of the variety of sports offered here is easy to miss. While it is true that Doha does not offer simple opportunities to remain fit, such as pedestrian-friendly streets or

Thai boxing students warm up before an intense training session. weather suitable enough for ditching the car, there isn’t a shortage of physical activities one can take up to learn a new skill or keep in shape. Nor is there a shortage of highly trained professionals, coaching a variety of sports at recognised institutions. Some, like Aspire Academy, (which offers several self-defence classes for both women and men), have earned a name due to their sheer magnitude, prestige, and place in the country’s rich sports history. Others just have to be hunted out. In my search of martial arts enthusiasts, I happened to come across Falcon Taekwondo Academy, and eventually its Thai boxing wing, The Champions. Tucked away in the backyard of the city’s prime landmark, Ramada Hotel in Al Sadd, The Champions offers professional Thai boxing classes to women thrice a week. “Young girls and women gain a lot from this kind

of training,” says Khalil Al-Ahmad, Executive Manager of Falcon Taekwondo Academy. An international Olympic instructor and referee, Khalil believes that offering women’s only classes is an ideal way to get women involved and provide them with a sisterhood that shares common interests. “In our culture, women prefer to be private, especially Qatari women. And we want to cater to this group of women, so they don’t miss out on any opportunity to learn self-defence,” says Khalil, who is a Yemeni national. “The trainers here are so respectable to women, and they really help you learn defence tactics step by step,” says Natasha Wood, an elementary school teacher at Rising Stars kindergarten. “I have been learning Thai boxing for the past two months, and it feels great to know that if I am placed in a situation where I have to protect my2010 August

health &

fitness World kickboxing champion Rami Al-Banna guides student Barbara Berro, as she locates her target on a potential attacker’s body. From left to right: Keghani Kouzoujian, Barbara Berro, and Rami Al-Banna. Female students practise front kick.

Dainty dolls to crouching tigers? Not our society’s ideal metamorphosis for its female species.

self, I can do it. It is also a great chance to meet other women who want to do the same thing,” she says.

Dainty dolls to crouching tigers? Not our society’s ideal metamorphosis for its female species. All over the world, women make this rather unfair deal with societies. They are compelled to trade any visible signs of power (physical or economical) for being classified as delicate, obedient, and, more importantly, desirable. Therefore, societal expectations and stereotypes play a huge role in the sports women choose to pursue and specialise in. Perhaps, this is why many women shy away from activities which are considered ‘men’s sports’, martial arts being a classic example. Opting for yoga or aerobics seem to enjoy more of a feminine note. A Qatari national, whom I will refer to as Amna, as she requested to have her name changed to protect her identity, says that she finds her martial arts practice “mentally strengthening.” Amna has been training in a combination of martial arts for the past six months. “I wanted to do something different, something which was more than a workout,” she says. “It’s really intensive and it has improved my reflexes. We focus a lot on individual moves, so if someone tries to attack me, I don’t need to have someone else by my side. I know where to hit,” she says. Like a vicious cycle, this perception of a woman as vulnerable and someone who ‘needs’ to be protected instead of being able to protect herself, injects the mind of women and society alike. Society prefers to view women as delicate and defenceless, women cater to that perception to feel accepted, and that acceptance reinforces a woman’s characteristics as delicate and

August 2010

defenceless. For example, sitting in on one of Rami’s kickboxing lesson, I noticed that he was particularly easy on his female students. “If I won’t be gentle with them, they’ll stop coming,” responded Rami. “It’s different with the ladies, they are still beginners. I want them to learn everything step by step, depending on their needs and how well they do,” he says. However, Rami’s student, Keghani, sees herself in a different light. “Women are grown to see themselves as having to look delicate, look pretty, not do the dirty stuff, go fighting, and consequently over the years, you think of yourself as less strong, and it affects your self confidence,” she says. When she first joined kickboxing lessons, Keghani found her decision being of curiosity among people close to her. “I got a lot of, like, why kickboxing? What are you trying to prove? Well, I had the opportunity, so why not? I may not necessarily feel stronger, but it sure is good to know what I am capable of,” she says. Instilling the importance of self-defence and independence in a female’s mind from an early age strongly shapes the woman she grows into. Not only can it do wonders for her self confidence, it also endows her with a broad outlook towards life, which becomes her legacy for her generations to come.

Keghani Kouzoujian practises her kickboxing moves with Rami Al-Banna.

Instilling the importance of self-defence and independence in a female’s mind from an early age strongly shapes the woman she grows into. As the famous saying goes, ‘Motivation will always beat mere talent.’ Khalil encourages his female students to empower themselves with knowledge and fighting skills that will factor into their standing as independent women. “I have been training some of my female students since they were little girls,” says Khalil, introducing me to one such student of his, Hala Maher, a 7th grade student at Al Jazeera Academy. “I challenge them, even though I know its hard. And I tell them that they must keep going, because they are no less than anyone,” he says. Hala holds a black belt in Taekwondo, a Korean martial art which she has been practicing for the past seven years. “It was very tough, I hated it in the beginning,” says Hala, who has won an international certificate in Taekwondo and only recently took up Thai boxing. “But I was really encouraged by my instructor and my parents. My parents always told me that I must do this so I can defend myself alone,” she says.

Practical use vs Fitness While women’s self-defence is of immense value to some, others participate in selfdefence classes with the aim of achieving fitness goals. At least in Qatar, a glimpse at the bigger picture shows that most women

A female student captures her opponent with a wrist-lock when he tries to attack her from behind. engage in martial arts to try out an alternative form of exercise and keep fit, rather than implement the skills they learn to defend themselves. “Many of my female students take it as a form of exercise, not self-defence,” says Rami. “I have lived in the US and in other parts of the world, and I seriously considered taking self-defence classes there,” says Dana Haidan, Social Investments Coordinator at QatarGas and a regular at various aerobic classes across the city. “But here, you don’t really need it. I only take aerobic style self-defence classes, just for the immediate power rush they give me,” she says. Barbara Berro, one of Rami’s students, cannot imagine herself in need of any kind of self-defence in Doha. “I feel too safe in this environment. But I never did anything action-oriented, and now I can threaten my husband with my kickboxing skills!” says a smiling Barbara.

The right to self-defence When a man punches the life out of an assailant, he reinforces his identity as a man. Regardless of the necessity or brutality of that punch, he becomes a ‘manly’ man.

When a woman hurls a fist, she’s either naturally violent or caught between a battle of hormones. Similarly, a man defending his stance verbally is a debater; a woman doing the same is often just ‘defensive’, ‘emotional’, or ironically, as I mentioned earlier, a feminist lacking femininity by trying to ‘act tough.’ These double standards don’t pertain to a certain day and age or society – they are universal. And in my humble opinion, universally ill founded. A woman’s safety does not necessarily have to be threatened by a masked stranger prowling a deserted street. Her safety can be compromised within the walls of her own home; domestic abuse and marital rape are some of the most underestimated threats to a woman’s safety in our society. Every individual has a right to self-defence, both physical and mental, considering they are faced with an attack of either kind. Each time a woman, or for that matter anyone, is unjustly restricted from taking up a form of self-defence, she is stripped off her very basic right to defend her body. Imagine being prevented from being vaccinated – the consequence is the same: vulnerability to attack 2010 August

around

town

Delicious Rewards Qatar Today Restaurant Awards 2010 category winners...

or over six months, the chefs from all over Qatar gave in hours of toil and sweat to satisfy and impress the tingling taste buds of hungry patrons, with the ultimate goal of being crowned the Best Eateries of 2010. Launched in 2004, by Qatar Today, the country’s first News & Business monthly magazine, the Qatar Today Restaurant Awards (QTRA) has gained the title of being the ultimate recognition of the best and most popular eateries in town. This unique event invited readers and food aficionados to vote for their favourite restaurants under 12 different categories, such as Best Arab Cuisine, Best Casual Dining, Best Ambience, etc. The voting forms were carried within the magazine and also made available at participating restaurants, shopping malls, other popular joints and also online. The voting process lasted six months. Only after being thoroughly scrutinised from all aspects, the process culminated with the final counting of votes, and restaurants securing the maximum votes were awarded the ‘Best of category’ awards on June 20, 2010. The continued success of the QTRA has been underlined with a record number of restaurants nominating themselves for the fourth edition of the Awards. Starting with 90 restaurants nominating themselves under 12 categories and polling over 35,000 votes in the first year, the Awards has seen immense growth. The last edition had 170 restaurants nominating themselves, with over 75,000 votes polled. For this year, Doha Bank was the presenting sponsor for the country’s most prestigious and popular

August 2010

awards. Doha Bank, Head of Retail Banking, Louis Scotto, in his opening address said, “Doha Bank is pleased to support such an initiative which honours the best restaurants in Qatar voted directly by customers. Recognising and rewarding excellence in any field is a pro-active measure which Doha Bank fully endorses and believes in.” Doha Bank’s sponsorship of the awards is enhanced by Dream Cards’ Dream Points which can be redeemed at the nominated restaurants, said Nabil Tabbara, of Doha Bank in a presentation at the Ceremony. “The Dream Card has a ‘Free-For-Life or no annual charges’ feature plus other amazing offers including an unprecedented 25 percent cash back reward summer promotion for the first time in Qatar. This exciting reward package is the first of its kind in Qatar and the whole region, and is being offered to all potential new Dream, Green and Dream Platinum card members and all its existing card members. The cash back will be credited to the card members’ accounts at the end of the promotional period. This means that card members will be getting 25 percent discount on all travel-related purchases – airlines, tickets on any airline company, holiday packages, hotels and motels, car rentals, and duty free,” he said. “For us, Qatar Today Restaurant Awards is an opportunity to acknowledge the best in the business. All of the finalists are brand leaders who have created award winning restaurants,” said Ravi Raman, Vice President, Oryx Advertising Company WLL. The awards were presented to 12 category winners by Louis Scotto and Nabil Tabbara from Doha Bank

BEST ARAB CUISINE Layali BEST ORIENTAL/ FAR EASTERN CUISINE Chopsticks - Grand Regency BEST CONTINENTAL CUISINE II Teatro - Four seasons Hotel BEST INDIAN CUISINE Chingari - Ramada Plaza BEST CASUAL DINING Applebee’s BEST LOUNGE BAR Habanos - The Ritz Carlton BEST COFFEE SHOP Costa Coffee BEST VEGETARIAN CUISINE Aryaas BEST AMBIENCE Italian job - Ramada Plaza BEST LIVE ENTERTAINMENT Paloma - Intercontinental Doha BEST FAST FOOD McDonald’s BEST PATISSERIE Maya La Choclaterie

around

town

A Wet August: Aqua Park

qua Park, Qatar’s first world-class aqua park, will be open to public in August. The 100,000 sq mt leisure and entertainment complex features various rides and facilities for the entire family. The park is conceptualised by Cyprus-based Aqua Masters. Situated off Salwa Road, the park’s first phase covers an area of 50,000 sq mt with parking accommodation for 400 cars. It houses a giant ‘wave

pool’, a ‘lazy river’, an ‘activity pool’, a multiple slides complex, a family pool, an exotic village and a ‘dry’ corner. More rides and go-carts will be added in the later phases. Adjacent to the aqua park will be a 300,000 sq mt resort as well as a shopping complex, currently under construction and expected to be completed by June 2011. The public hours of the park will be 10am10pm, seven days a week. Fridays will be reserved for families and Tuesdays for ladies.

Karaoke night

at the Sheraton Mosafer offers

‘Happy Trips’

or people who enjoy frequent travelling, the Mosafer store at Blue Salon is an apt stop for all your travelling needs. It offers you a range of high quality luggage and travel accessories from brands such as Samsonite (Classic and Black Label), Hartmann, American Tourister, Bric’s, Victorinox, Jansport, Hama (Germany), Hausser, Design Go and Ogon Design. Founded by Abu Issa Holding, Mosafer has an airport theme, with displays on a conveyer belt. The products are creatively segmented into the three different aircraft classes – First class, Business class and Tourist. The store has also planned to open a travel desk in-house.

August 2010

he Sheraton Doha Resort and Convention Hotel is geared up to play first-time host for a Karaoke Night, tagged as ‘A Night to Remember’, at the Al Majlis Auditorium. Hundreds of Filipinos and other nationalities will pay witness to the display of talent by a number of Filipino expatriates who will be participating. “This is our way of appreciation to the Filipino community and their friends for the continuous support and patronage they have shown to the Sheraton. The competition will showcase the talent of the Filipinos, who are known to have angelic voices,” said Gerhard Foltin, General Manager, Sheraton Doha Resort. The event will have around 30 young talented individuals competing for the title which will be awarded with a round-trip ticket to Manila and other fabulous prizes. Second prize winner will receive a night-stay inclusive of breakfast and an elegant watch. Third prize winner will receive an elegant watch and dinner voucher. Consolation prizes will also be given to deserving contestants.

Pelada, football documentary premieres

at Souq Waqif

he Qatar 2022 Bid Committee hosted an exclusive Middle East premiere of ‘Pelada’, an American football documentary, at the Fan Carnival at Souq Waqif. “The documentary captures the love of the game”, said Ryan White, Director, relating it to his way of supporting the Qatar 2022 bid. Pelada is a documentary following Luke and Gwendolyn, two former college soccer stars who chase the game across 25 countries. This documentary reflects another side of soccer – from prisoners in Bolivia to moonshine brewers in Kenya, from free-stylers in China to women who play in hijab in Iran – a story of the people who play.

In Brazil, the word is ‘Pelada’, which literally means ‘naked’, the game stripped down to its core, played with no rules or uniforms, thus apt as the title. While speaking about his experiences shooting in different countries, Ryan mentioned of occasions which required them to travel through dangerous neighbourhoods, although they were very well-protected by the people. His best experience was filming in Bolivia, where they bribed their way into a Bolivian prison to play the game. The inspiration behind this documentary was the idea of showcasing people’s love for soccer, though Ryan admits that he was never a football player himself.

Summer festival

begins D

oha Summer Fun Park – an eight week festival of summer events – organised by Qatar Tourism Authority (QTA) opened on June 20 at the Doha Exhibition Centre and will run till September 14. The festival is set to act as an incentive for families to visit during the summer holidays. The event is expected to attract over 250,000 visitors over the period from both Doha and other countries in the GCC region. The Doha Summer Fun Park is one of the many activities lined up by the QTA as part of the overall tourism strategy for Qatar, which aims at entertaining locals, residents and regional visitors.

around

town

International Stars Rock

at ‘Desert Fusion’

‘D Atif Aslam performing at 'Desert Fusion 2010'

THE One blood donation drive

he team at THE One, Qatar participated in the blood donation drive to mark World Blood Donor Day, on June 14. In an effort to donate more blood this year, they decided to do things a little differently. Instead of hosting a mobile blood donation clinic outside their Landmark Mall Theatre for a day as usual, THE One gave staff the freedom to visit the Hamad Medical Corporation’s Blood Donor Centre during their working hours throughout the month of June.

August 2010

esert Fusion 2010’, a show organised by Qtel and Virgin Megastore, featured Pakistani singer Atif Aslam, at the Ritz-Carlton’s Island, and had more than 5,000 die-hard fans screaming for more. Atif, a leading singer from Pakistan, had shot to fame after lending his magical voice to several Bollywood movie songs, each turning out to be chartbusters. The show, in association with Dot Vision (Doha) and Milestone Entertainment (Dubai) featured Atif along with acclaimed international artists, Lebanese singer Brigitte Yaghi and leading Middle-East Asian DJ Zubair.

DFI outlines Film Festival

oha is all set to be a top destination for cinema in the coming months, thanks to an ambitious chain of activities planned by the Doha Film Institute (DFI). DFI is Qatar’s first international organisation ded- from left to right: DTFF Programmer and Lebanese filmicated to film appreciation, film education, and to maker Chadi Zeneddine, DFI,Executive Director, Amanda Palmer and Scandar Copti, DFI Education Director. building a sustainable film industry in the region. At a special event in Qatar, some of the team members behind DFI provided an overview of the exciting activities planned for the coming months which include educational workshops, community programming, cultural exchanges and the annual Doha Tribeca Film Festival (DTFF), set to take place in October this year. DFI, Executive Director, Amanda Palmer said, “DFI has four key areas of focus – education, production, financing, and the annual DTFF. These elements will enable wider understanding and appreciation of film and filmmaking in our community as well as the creation of original content from the region, access to funding so that filmmakers can get their stories heard, and the viability of DTFF as a platform for emerging and established filmmakers.” Present at the event with Amanda were Scandar Copti, DFI Education Director and DTFF Programmer and new DFI team member Lebanese filmmaker Chadi Zeneddine, who is leading some of the education workshops this year.

around

town

Cure it did! Pampering can’t get better than this.

Ambience: Calm and soothing. Service: Perfect in terms of execution, but a

little bit more personalisation would go a long way. Treatment & Products: Really amazing. Even a week after the treatment the skin felt almost silky. Price: Be ready to set aside about QR600 per hour of treatment.

3-hour spa treatment bang in the middle of a busy work week, AND it’s the call of duty. Can we ask for a better reprieve? Though the treatment chosen at the Ritz-Carlton Spa was not particularly relaxing, it was definitely rejuvenating, and the skin was distinctly softer and smoother. The therapist dished out the Signature Body treatment and the Age Recover Cure facial (yes, we’ve hit those numbers already). The body treatment is personalised to meet individual needs – slimming, lifting or re-contouring. What does the trick is about an hour and a half of action targeted massage techniques, scrubs, wraps (with cellophane, no less) and masks. This was followed by another 90 minutes of exclusive facial indulgence. The deal starts with Natura Bisse’s ‘All In One Cure Cleanser’, which has natural green tea extract, that helps decongest the skin, leaving it hydrated. After a gel toner, a foaming clay powder – The Cure Enzyme PreTherapy – softens the surface of the skin, while effectively dissolving sebum and blackheads. This is followed by a three-step glycolic exfoliation process and a phyto-repairing botanical sage that helps soothe skin discomfort caused by the extraction process. But it’s not all about lotions and potions. Yoga massage and Reiki techniques are deployed to repair cell damage and to reveal a rejuvenated skin. The Ritz-Carlton Spa is worth setting aside at least half a day for. Though the common area for steam, sauna and Jacuzzi was highly appealing, there was not sufficient time to pack it in. When you make your booking, however, land up an hour in advance to soak it all in

Reviewed by VS

2010 August

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MOVIES you can’t miss

SALT

Genres: Drama Thriller Spy

s a CIA officer, Evelyn Salt (Angelina Jolie) swore an oath to duty, honour and country. Her loyalty will be tested when a defector accuses her of being a Russian spy. Evelyn goes on the run, using all her skills and years of experience as a covert operative to elude capture. Evelyn’s efforts to prove her innocence only serve to cast doubt on her motives, as the hunt to uncover the truth behind her identity continues and the question remains: “Who is Salt?”

August 2010

THE LAST AIRBENDER

Genres: Action Adventure

ir, Water, Earth, Fire. Four nations tied by destiny when the Fire Nation launches a brutal war against the others. A century has passed with no hope in sight to change the path of this destruction. Caught between combat and courage, Aang (Noah Ringer) discovers he is the lone avatar with the power to manipulate all four elements. Aang teams with Katara (Nicola Peltz), a Waterbender, and her brother, Sokka (Jackson Rathbone), to restore balance to their war-torn world.

CATS & DOGS : THE REVENGE OF KITTY GALORE Genres: Action Adventure Family Kids 3D

n the age-old battle between cats and dogs, one crazed feline has taken things a paw too far. Kitty Galore, formerly an agent for cat spy organisation MEOWS, has gone rogue and hatched a diabolical plan to not only bring her canine enemies to heel, but take down her former kitty comrades and make the world her scratching post. Faced with this unprecedented threat, cats and dogs will be forced to join forces for the first time in history in an unlikely alliance to save themselves – and their humans – in “Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore,” a comedy that blends live action with state-of-the-art puppetry and computer animation. It’s time for the fur to fly.

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BOOKS you must read

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Children’s Summer Read The Selfish Crocodile

By Faustin Charles and Michael Terry

The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet By David Mitchell

he story is set in 1799 on the artificial island of Dejima in the harbour at Nagasaki, Japan. It is Japan’s only port with the outside world and is manned by the Dutch East Indies Company. The Dutchmen there are isolated, hard, and corrupt. Jacob de Zoet comes to Dejima as a young, devout man on a five-year assignment. During that time, he hopes to earn enough money so that he can marry his wealthy fiancée back in Holland. One of the few Japanese allowed to visit Dejima is the midwife Orito Aibagawa, who is learning Western medical techniques from the doctor there. The moment Jacob sees Orito, he is captivated by her. Orito is sent to a convent and the British threaten to take Dejima from the Dutch. Jacob’s chances to have Orito as his own, look bleak indeed. Well researched and imaginative, it brims with rich, involving and affecting humanity.

Heart of the Matter By Emily Giffin

wo women with alternating viewpoints. Tessa is married to Nick, a successful paediatric surgeon. She has stepped away from her career to stay home with her two children, and finds it not as enjoyable as she thought it would be. Valerie is a self-made woman and single mother, but feels like she doesn’t measure up to the other successful suburban families. When Valerie’s son, Charlie, falls into a campfire and suffers serious burns, it is Nick who is his surgeon. Valerie and Nick spend increasing amounts of time together as Charlie recovers and goes through therapy. Valerie falls for Nick, even though he’s a married man. Tessa worries that her decision to stay home is pushing Nick away. Was Nick drawn to Valerie because of a saviour complex? Did Tessa immerse herself in ‘perfect Mom’ activities instead of being a good marital partner? Did Valerie want too much by coveting another woman’s husband? There are no easy answers here, in a novel that is consistently engrossing right to the surprising finish.

he Selfish Crocodile is about an extremely selfish crocodile who jealously guards the river from all the other jungle animals. It’s his river and even fish, tadpoles, crabs and crayfish are terrified to swim in it. But then one day, he gets a terrible toothache and wakes up the entire jungle with his moaning. While the animals hum and haw over whether they should help him and relieve his pain, a bold little mouse comes to his rescue and solves his toothy dilemma. With its bright and funny colours, young children are bound to enjoy it. The language is easy to understand, but the artwork is by far the highlight of the book. Big and bold, the illustrations leap out of the page with their vibrant colour, and their liveliness adds an element of humour, with some of the pages taking on almost a ‘Where’s Waldo?’ feel.

Victory Over Abu Derya By Mohammed Ali

ictory Over Abu Derya is a classic tale that chronicles the lives of Qatari pearl divers and struggle against the mythical Abu Derya; the guardian of the seas. It follows Rashid, a young boy from the village of Qumasha whose father owns one the biggest pearl diving boats in the village. One day, as the village is preparing for the departure of the divers, Rashid’s grandmother tells him of a dream she has had three nights in a row. She believes that this year, they will have a very good season and encourages him to join the crew of his father’s boat. Victory Over Abu Derya provides a fascinating look inside an important facet of Qatari history. But what really captivates the mind and imagination of the reader is the artwork. The roughness of the images adds a sense of movement and life to the story in a way that clean-cut, traditional illustrations would not have been able to. The murky backgrounds and bursts of detailed action or expressions render the difficult experience of pearl divers relatable to children and reads like a dreamy memory of times long since passed. It is a tale that is sure to appeal to your child’s imagination. (The above books are published by Bloomsbury Qatar Foundation Publishing and are available at all leading bookstores in the country.) 2010 August

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MUSIC You Should Hear

Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son Of Chico Dusty by antwan ‘Big Boi’ patton

‘Big Boi’ Patton, the more playful half of Atlanta hip-hop juggernaut OutKast alongside ‘Andre 3000’ Benjamin, turns his solo debut, ‘Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty’, into a state-of-theart Southern-fried party-funk album. ‘Sir Lucious’ highlights his focused language skills within musical settings that touch upon rock, electro and classical fanfare and guarantees plenty of bounce. The only disappointment is that a fine collaboration with Andre 3000 intended for the album, ‘Lookin’ For Ya’, had to be left off because of a record-label squabble. It’s well worth seeking out on-line, a prelude to the next, and long over-due OutKast release.

August 2010

Aphrodite

by Kylie Minogue

BOOKS you must read

‘Dance/ It’s all I wanna do.’ These are the first words declared in ‘All The Lovers’, the opening track to Kylie Minogue’s Aphrodite. And that’s the thesis in a nutshell of her 11th album, which is being touted as a celebration of the pop singer’s ‘dance-floor roots’. The theme holds true in that the 12 tracks are pulse-heavy and anthemic, but not in the literal sense of being retrospective of the many dance styles she has covered in her 23-year music career. However, Aphrodite’s most memorable quality is its affirmation of Kylie’s reputation as a star for the masses. The album opens promisingly with a pulsating jab-cross combo but also has its share of subtle moments mostly under the patient direction of Price. Aphrodite is everything you expect it to be: inspiring, motivating and celebratory.

MAYA

by M.I.A. M.I.A. has unleashed her most adventurous and uncompromising album so far. It’s the sound of war, warped data, heavy machinery, politics and oppression all rolled into one coherent transmission and spat out with raps and rhymes stronger as ever. MAYA thrills with its statements and brutal treatment of sonics. M.I.A. stands alone in her own world of pop-firing out her mercurial messages, which are as complex as they are captivating. MAYA is a towering work that makes a mockery of rivals and genres.

net

review

When Mothers Meet Mothers

inally, there is a place where mothers can forget about their daily chores and just relax and have fun, while being connected to other such mothers around the world. www.CafeMom.com is like any other social networking site, in which you create your own account, add contacts and post a comment. The big twist to it is that this site is solely dedicated to mothers. You can stay in touch with other moms, share same interests, make new friends and express yourself among other things. Once you become a registered user, you can start a journal where you can ask for advice, share stories or just vent out your feelings. You can also add photos, your kids’ information, your own interests, etc. You are able to personalise your homepage too. It will contain whatever you want others to know about you. Of course you can see other moms’ photos, profiles and journals as well. Cafemom.com groups provides you with the possibility of connecting with a whole bunch of moms having similar interests, feelings, living nearby, etc. just by being part of a group. There are more than 60,000 groups created by moms. Popular groups include pregnancy, raising boys, recipe swap, marriage and relationships. If you don’t wish to be a part of any group, you could start a new group yourself and share your opinion on a topic you feel strongly about. Another feature to this site is ‘The Stir’ page which has several blogs posted on it, by mothers themselves.

August 2010

On clicking this option, you could choose from a list of options such as Home and Garden, Toddlers, Beauty and Style or simply Entertainment, depending on what you would like to read at the moment. If confused, simply scanning the page is not a bad option either. ‘Thought Bubbles’ is similar to a status message and if you are expecting, then ‘Baby Name Finder’ offers you a helping hand in deciding a name for your baby by enlisting a variety of names for boys and girls. In terms of privacy and security, like other networking sites, www.CafeMom.com ensures that your privacy and trust is guaranteed. You can adjust your settings in terms of how much you would like to share and how much would be hidden. Launched in 2006, the New York-based CafeMom gained popularity mainly in the US. The majority of the users of this site are undoubtedly US nationals. The reason could be that the type of content generated may not match to the likes of women of other nationalities. Some may find it a little difficult to connect with certain topics. As a result, CafeMom has not yet managed to find a strong foothold in other countries. Nonetheless, it deserves kudos for standing up against the likes of Facebook, Orkut and other networking sites who have carved a niche in the world of socialising! So for the timebeing, if you’re a mother and bored of your monotonous days, be welcomed into the family of CafeMoms. Away from changing nappies, scrubbing dishes and cooking dinner, it’s something you want to know, you want to do and you want to say. It’s free, it’s fun and it’s for you!

amal

What Stifles with

Qatari Women? In a three part series, Dr Amal Al-Malki ponders the question that seems

to have no straight answers.

atar is going through a transitional phase that is marked by rapid change, economic prosperity, and introduction to modernity. This era has witnessed an important change in women’s roles in the Qatari society. It has also exposed the challenges that Qatari women face, some of which are common across different Arab countries. In one of the smallest yet richest countries, women’s issues don’t stem from poverty, war, political upheaval or lack of governmental support. It’s mostly about

August 2010

culture. The Qatari culture so entrenched in Islamic teachings, still ironically carries remnants of pre-Islamic traditions and customs; the merging of both makes it in most cases hard to distinguish what is what. It is a culture that is made by men and maintained for centuries by men, so there is so little that women can do without stirring a controversy.

Finding the balance The rapid change witnessed in the last decade has not only been cosmetic and evident to the human eye but has affected the culture, the very traditions and code of conducts that have been static for so long. The Qatari culture is now forced to embrace as-

with pects of modernity that weren’t acceptable in the past, in order to consolidate with the new modern times. Hence a need emerged to balance between tradition and modernity, a slogan that has widely spread and can be seen in several of the revival movements, such as the revival of traditional crafts, words, and some customs. The challenge to balance both is still ongoing and it’s not realistic to say that it has been achieved yet or will be anytime soon. However, women’s roles in such changing cultural setting are at the heart of this new challenge. In a patriarchal culture that is based on shame and honour, gender roles are predetermined and accordingly, the spaces that are open for women. In a male-dominated society, gender roles are not only a sign of traditions but are also a law of conduct that determines power relations, something that the men thrive to maintain in order to protect and secure the community. Any change in the gender roles can cause disturbance to the harmony of the community. Change is considered ‘harmful’ and thus the government has followed a gradual strategy in modernising the country whilst providing alternatives to please different sectors, especially the conservatives. The top-down approach implementing political, social and educational reforms directly changing women’s status has been effective in such a culture, as the odds of women to demand and effect change on their own are minimal.

Loosening the shackles Traditional fixed gender roles have impacted the roles assigned to women until this day. Women in the past were mainly housewives and confined to the domestic space, some worked from home in weaving and sewing and the few who worked outside the house had to do so out of necessity. Tres-

passing through public spaces required certain behavioural restrictions on women, ranging from wearing certain attires, covering their female silhouettes in black to ensure minimum visibility, to keeping their voices very low so not to be heard by men. The first career that was traditionally acceptable for women was teaching other women, which started in the confines of their own homes. In recent times, changes taking place have shuffled gender roles in the society but cultural restraints still determine its acceptability. The changing living demands have forced women to work and help out men, who were previously the sole breadwinners. The government has been promoting women employment by facilitating it and encouraging them and assigning certain jobs and in some cases departments for them, as well as enacting new laws that protect them in the workplace. The most reform that has benefited women is education. It is a known fact that Qatari women are much more motivated to study and continue their education beyond postsecondary level than Qatari men. Universi-

The writer is an Assistant Teaching Professor of English in Carnegie Mellon University in Qatar. Her research interests include the negotiation of identity between the Muslim world and the west, media representations of Arab women and postcolonial literature. She has published articles in numerous

amal

ties across Qatar graduate women who are ready to venture into the workplace and prove themselves valuable to the country. Despite all the changes, the culture is still resistant to move towards accepting women’s participation in the public place as men’s equals. The fields that women can enter are still limited and some jobs aren’t considered socially acceptable. “According to Planning Council data (2005), 53 percent of Qatari women held jobs in education in 2004, while women were totally absent in the construction, trade, and manufacturing sectors, and very few worked in other fields.” (Rand, 2008) More men, than women, benefit from the generous governmental scholarships for studying abroad, especially for post-graduate studies, because it is unacceptable for women to travel and live alone. Women’s mobility inside and outside Qatar is dependent on their families’ cultural adherence. Their career choices have to be approved by their families. And many families disapprove of sending their women to co-ed schools and universities or work in mixed-gender institutions. Some families impose on women certain traditional attires to study or work in mixed gender environments. The ‘niqab’ or face cover has been very popular in the last decade or so among Qatari working women and has been a topic of controversy. Some of the Qatari intelligentsia has written in local newspapers voicing their disapproval of what they called an ‘imported’ custom that is foreign to their culture. However, the ‘niqab’ can be seen as a direct result of women leaving their private spaces and being exposed to men. It is what anthropologist Hanna Papanek calls ‘portable seclusion’ – giving them the opportunity to participate in the public sphere without crossing any traditional boundaries (To be continued)

journals in the US and UK. Her upcoming book will be published in 2010 and is on women representations in translated Arab news. She is also a member of the Qatar National Competiveness Council. You can also read her views at www.amalalmalki.com

2010 August

speciality health services

self care and well-being

dining Al BORG MEDICAL LAB

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Aljawhara Chemist

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Alexandre Zouari salon

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Al Emadi Hospital

Al-Qatar Massage

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Al Raed Dental Center

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Be Bloom

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Annab Lab & Radiology

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Bellissima

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Bader Chemist

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Body Glaze

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Foot Care Centre The Center

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Doha Chiropractic Centre

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Doha Specialized Dental Center

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Almaharah (Arabic)

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Dr Fahad Abdullah Center

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Applebees (American)

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Franck Provost Salon

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Dr Mariam S Al Mahmied (Diagnostic Ultrasound)

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Gloria Hotel Doha

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Dr Mohammed Ameen Febeit

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Dr Mohammed Ameen Zebeib (Consultant Physician)

Hongkong Body Care Center

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Jean Louis David

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La Reine Skincare Center

Dr Tamim Malas (General Dentistry)

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Dr Tarek S Abdl El Azim (Oral Medicine)

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Family Medical Clinics

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Marinaa Beauty Saloon

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First Dental Center

Moulay Yaaqoup Beauty Center

Future Dental Center

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GoodLife Chemist - Alsadd

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Salon at The Ritz-Carlton Hotel 44848000

GoodLife Chemist - City Center 44839100 GoodLife Chemist The Pearl 4495 3876 ext. 1171

Saloon Osraa

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Gulf Dental Center

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Sehati Beauty Mall

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shopping and malls Centre Point Mall

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Tamima Medical Complex

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Cigar Lounge (Sharq Village)

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Cioconat Lounge (The Mall)

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Habanos (The Ritz Carlton) 44848503

Bismillah Royal Tandoor (Indian)

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Inch Café (City Center)

Bukhara (Indian)

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Madison Piano Bar (Live international music) 44288888

Chilli’s (American)

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The Admiral’s Club (The Ritz Carlton)

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The Coffee Beanery (Ramada Junction)

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The One (Continental)

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Yen Sushi Bar (Japanese)

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expat groups

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pet care Pampered Pets Kennel & Cattery

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Qatar Animal Welfare

security

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The Centre

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Al Shaheen (Sheraton)

Dr Jean-Claude Saade (Dental Surgeon)

Salon at Intercontinental Hotel 44844444

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Al Bandar (Seafood)

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Layal Beauty Saloon 55521356

Aalishan (Indian) Al Majiles Al-Arabi Restaurant (Arabic)

Dr Hassan Al Abdulla Specialised Dental Clinic

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lounge & cafes

American Women’s Association British Council & Information Centre

Total Security Solutions

August 2010

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Gymnastics Federation

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Hamad General Hospital

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Qatar Medical Centre

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Rumaillah Hospital Womens Hospital

Intercontinental Doha’s Bay Club 44844852 Khalifa Tennis and Squash Complex

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Qatar Golf Academy

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Qatar Minor Ice Hockey Association

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phones and support 44910666

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Qatar Toastmasters

55547248

Little Cherubs Nursery

44113803

Redotters@Qatar

5520 9294

Mulbery Bush Nursery

44502545

Rising Stars Kindergarten

44673069

Silver Dhow Association

44352598/55870133

Turkish Women’s Association

spas and wellness

55468309

Life Time Nursery

44110953 44551010/ 44551212

Starfish Lane Kids 44875939/ 44110355 Sunbeam Kindergarten

44440108

Tots Corner Nursery

44688008

local tour operators

home decor Four Seasons Spa

Elder Tree 44551020/ 44984984/ 44888493

IAID Instrumental and vocal classes 4432 0974

44948888

Intercontinental Doha Spa 44844444 Marriott Spa

44298520

Millenium Hotel Doha Spa

44247777

La Cigale’s Ozone Spa & Gym 44288888

Nokia phones and accessories

5533 6851

Harley Davidson motorcycle group 55323680

Royal Yatching Association 6 6749254/55279198 Sandsport-Blo-karting

55574671/ 55315745

Fun First Nursery

Korea Taekwondo Center 44659066/55563305 Pepka Yoga

Doha Singers

Ramada Plaza

44281621

Ritz Carlton Spa Six Senses Spa

Arteligno Interior Designers 44361580 Home Centre

44839400

ID design

44678777

44848503

Indoors Decorators (almuftah)

44699920

44256999

Pioneer Interiors

44342150

Salam Industries Wll

44600692

The One

44888669

Spa Chakra (Alfardan Towers)

44999250

Habib’s Hair & Beauty Lounge

44130672

Al Mazaya Tourism

44318440

Arabian Adventures

44361461

Black Pearl Toursism

44357333

Gulf Adventures Toursim

44221888

Qatar International Adventures

44553954

Qatar International Tours 44551141

To list your services in the Woman Today Directory, please mail wtoday@omsqatar.com

2010 August

thinking

aloud

Photography: Fatima Muneer

Games Women Play

The photographer is a student of Georgetown University School of Foreign Services-Qatar.