Letters Materialism Not to Blame g
Thank you for addressing the topic of materialism, which plagues our communities (“Impoverished by Wealth,” by Rabbi Avraham Edelstein, summer 2013). However, I want to point out that gashmius is not always the cause of financial problems. Many of the families who are experiencing financial stress are not struggling to pay for fancy homes and vacations— they are struggling to put food on the table and educate their children. DEVORAH SHORE Passaic, New Jersey
Resources for Grief g
In “A Loss Worthy of Grief” (fall 2013), Rabbi Yamin Levy poignantly expresses his experience with infant loss many years ago. I would like to mention an invaluable resource that Rabbi Levy may be unaware of. A T.I.M.E was founded twenty years ago to help couples struggling with infertility. A T.I.M.E also has a pregnancy and infant loss support program offering services including counseling, chevra kadisha arrangements and loss support groups. A T.I.M.E can be reached at 917.627.5528 or pregpacket@atime.org. DVORAH LEVY, LCSW West Hempstead, New York
Talking about Sexuality g
As a clinical psychologist who has done research on sexual attitudes in the frum community, I applaud Dr. Yocheved Debow’s persuasive and courageous call to action (“Why We Need to Talk to our Children about Sexuality,” summer 2013). By ignoring or silencing our children’s questions and concerns regarding puberty, their bodies and their emerging sexual awareness, we send a message that these topics are unacceptable. Inadvertently, we lead our children to cut off an important part of their emotional and developmental experience. Furthermore, by stifling honest conversation we deprive them of opportunities to develop a much-needed 2
I JEWISH ACTION
Winter 5774/2013
capacity to deal with the interpersonal, emotional and sexual challenges that they will encounter throughout their lives. In this instance, as in many others, the Torah’s values can directly bolster our children’s psychological and religious health. KOBY FRANCES, PHD Clinical psychologist Miami Beach, Florida
Why Fault Parents? g
At first glance, I was pleased to see an article by Rabbi Lawrence Kelemen entitled “Why Are So Many Kids Off the Derech?” (summer 2013). An examination of possible risk factors is always important so that we can continue to address and prevent these problems. After reading the article, however, I wonder whether Rabbi Kelemen realizes that this “mageifah” is happening next door; that his friends, relatives and fellow mispallelim—the normal, happy, well-balanced people he deals with every day—are the parents who have kids who are off the derech. They are the parents he would like to lump together as being responsible, beyond the 40 percent of kids from divorced homes, for the rest of our “off–thederech” children. He has painted us all very neatly with one huge brush: “the other 60 percent [of kids who are off the derech] come from homes where the parents are still married, but the marriage is not flourishing—at least not by the Torah’s standards.” Certainly a hypercritical and angry home environment is a major risk factor only secondary to shalom bayis issues. But if, as Rabbi Kelemen concludes, every child who goes off the derech is a direct result of the parents’ fundamental selfishness and lack of shalom bayis, what about the parents who don’t fit that bill? There is no simple answer, no simple explanation. It is easier to grossly oversimplify the issue. However, many wise rabbanim and askanim have come to the realization that it is a convergence of factors that leads our children astray: learning issues, social
Jewish Action
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