WEDNESDAY February 21, 2018
The
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48
racle Today
VOX POPULI SACRUM
ISSN: 2545-5869
Benue needs snake colonies
T
HE multifarious war against corruption has suffered further complications with the discovery at the Makurdi office of the Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board, JAMB, that a snake had been helping itself to N36 million kept in a vault. The number of snakes involved is uncertain. How would President Muhammadu Buhari manage this critical blow to his flagship programme, the most distinguishing item among the electoral promises made almost three years ago? Some scenarios have been built around the incident. Some have elevated it to the status of a mystery. Auditors uncover the missing money, which a change in the purchase procedures revealed. A sales clerk, Philomena Chieshe, told a team that included the JAMB Registrar, “I was one of the four sales clerks attached to JAMB office in Makurdi. My responsibility was to sell scratch cards to candidates and not involved in handling the revenues. It was the responsibility of Joan Asen and my other senior colleagues. I only remit money when am done selling the cards. “Few months ago, there was issue of fraud in the Makurdi office. Auditors were sent from Abuja to carefully flip the record books of the office, to perhaps, ascertain the current state of affairs. “In the course of the audit, N36 million was discovered to have been missing from the account. An investigation was launched. In the course of the investigation, it was discovered that Joan Asen, who is account staff and a lady outside JAMB have connived to steal the money.” Philomena added: “It was a mystery to me too. I have been saving the money in the bank, but I found it difficult to account for it. So I started saving it in a vault in the office. But each time I open the vault, I will find nothing. I became worried and surprised how the millions of Naira could be disappearing from the vault. I began to interrogate everybody in the house and office, and no one could agree on what might have happened to the money. I continued to press until my housemaid confessed. She said that the money disappeared “spiritually”. She said that a “mysterious snake” sneaked into the house and swallowed the money in the vault.” I was wondering who blew the whistle on the snakes until I noted the efforts the sales clerk made to secure government money. Whenever the money is recovered from the snakes, she should be appropriately compen-
sated. The police have not even declared any snakes wanted. Suppose the snake has been ‘murdered”, foreclosing the chance of it being the first snake to make it to court. It would have been the accused in the matter. Business-minded could go in search of snakes, killing them until the ones that have the money are found? What is N36 million anyway, to Nigeria? Expectedly, there are doubts about snakes swallowing bundles of dirty Naira. Snakes do not eat paper, not to talk of money, said some experts who forgot that the evolution and dynamics of society could have changed snakes in ways we never anticipated, and still not aware. Criminality in snakes and people should be punished. I expected to hear the position of the Inspector
General of Police Idris to go after the snakes; after all he moved his base to Makurdi to contain the Fulani herdsmen. He should know that snakes being involved in stealing is a major national issue. Since he is already in Benue, he should combine the assignments. If snakes in Benue State have the capacities to invade vaults and pilfer public funds, nothing stops them from becoming more ambitious. Their new targets could be banks and other places where there could be more available cash. They must be stopped. A proposal for snake colonies is in order. These new corrupt elements cannot be allowed to keep roaming the streets and constituting dangers to the financial stability of the system. My assumption is that a vault, with or without money in it, would be locked.
What manner of snakes could open a vault? Are we sure the snake was acting alone or had accomplices? Since the crime seemed to have been committed over a period of time, could it be the same snake or they were working shifts? Possibilities of them engaging in inter-state crimes abound. It is better that they are contained. The idea of snakes, of unknown species participating in organised crime is really a mystery. The fact that it is a mystery denies us opportunities to analyse the matter more scientifically. How would the government recover its money? It would ask the snakes to appear before a panel? Who would be the panelists? Snakes, if allowed to meddle into the fidelity of financial figures can finally damage the economy irredeemably. Snakes are sly, deceitful, deadly, and poisonous. When the fraudulent snakes are in the same Benue Basin, where Fulani herdsmen are creating new problems everyday, the dangers at hand cannot be under-estimated. It is obvious that the statistics on corrupt elements pose a new challenge. It would even be more challenging enumerating snakes and their accomplices and calling them to account. How are we about to do that? There are good sides to this saga. It would create more jobs in serpentine forensics, snake charming, snake farming, and when the issue of snake colonies is resolved, government would have created new jobs. Worthy of witnessing would be the cross examination of the snakes. Herpetologists would prosper, ancillary industries would sprout, but most importantly, the anti-corruption war could return to more steady operations if the matter of snakes competing with humans for higher attainments through corruption are decided. A more wholesome approach should be a launch of investigation of government offices throughout the country. We may just discover that the snakes in Makurdi were not an exception but the rule, highlighting the need for the snakes to be stopped before they start rampaging like the Fulani cattle. I am told that the money involved - N36 million - was not adequate for the resources that a full investigation would cost. If we set up a panel, by the time we are through with sitting allowances, money for purchase of fuel at N250 per litre, and the like, we would tell ourselves the money is not worth all the trouble. After all, a snake stole it, and it is an unknown snake.
The Oracle Today is published by The Oracle Newspapers Limited. Head Office: 116 Awka Road, Onitsha. Lagos Office: 25 Remi Fani-Kayode Street, GRA Ikeja. Abuja Office: 1st Floor, Plateau House, Central Business District, Abuja, FCT. ISSN: 2545-5869 Email: oracletoday2016@yahoo.com, Twitter: @oraclenews.ng Facebook: oraclenews.ng@facebook.com Website: www.oraclenews.ng Advert hot lines: 09078310060, 09061836916. Editor: FELIX OGUEJIOFOR ABUGU.