OPINION
20
THE ONTARION
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Looking for beauty in unexpected places |
ON SEX
BARBAR A SAL SBERG MATHEWS
DON’T SHAME WOMEN FOR BEING
WITH OUR HECTIC LIVES , jug-
gling multiple responsibilities, it’s easy to get caught up in the “stress of life.” When I was working, I began an experiment to take my mind off the hustle and bustle to focus on beauty. I began to collect leaves. Every day for three weeks on my walk from the bus to work, I looked for the most beautiful leaf of the day, slipping it into a book for safekeeping. When I got home, I’d press the leaf, allowing it to dry flat. Next, I chose the top three most beautiful leaves from my collection by looking for a variety of shapes, colours, textures, and patterns. Then I scanned the leaves and used computer graphics software to add a background layer of a photo from a hiking trip. I twisted, stretched and gave the background a granular texture. Next, I played around with different compositions of the leaves, placing them on top of the background layer, making them appear as if they were floating gently down from the sky. Then I printed and framed many of these pictures, giving them out as holiday gifts. I continue to make this search for beauty a part of my daily life. Sometimes I collect the most beautiful pebble of the day, using it as a touchstone in my pocket — to focus on its unique shape and texture. Other times, I may sketch the people around me — quickly capturing the most interesting faces, which in my eyes are beautiful. Beauty can be perceived through many senses, not just sight and touch, but also through sound. If you slow down and listen, you’ll hear a wealth of sounds playing in the background. For example, when taking transit and in public places, I pay attention to the musical sounds of people’s voices. When I lived in downtown Toronto, I’d listen to the different cadences of languages from all over the world. It’s not just voices that
One-night stands SEX POSITIVE N ATA L I E T H I E N
LET ME BE CLEAR: there is noth-
Photo caption | PHOTO CREDIT From leaves to the sound of a squeaky door, there is beauty all around. PHOTO BY BARBARA SALSBERG MATHEWS
Beauty can be perceived through many senses, not just sight and touch, but also can be perceived as beautiful, but also the rhythmic sounds of an old building’s ancient heating system or the squeaky sound of a door. Some outside sounds also hold
D O A C R O S S WO R D
beauty for me — like telephone wires flapping in the wind against a tree, or the hum of bus and car motors. Beauty is in the eye, palm, and ears, of the beholder. When I consciously shift my focus to the beauty around me, I feel calmer, happier, and generally less tired at the end of the day. The thing is to focus on what is uniquely beautiful to you. The process of looking for beauty can help shift the tension out of our minds and allow an uplifting feeling to take its place. Go on, try it — slow down and take in the beauty around you in your day-to-day life.
ing wrong with disliking one-night stands. Nor is there anything wrong with loving the thrill of meeting someone you’re head over heels hot for, having a steamy night of kinky sex, and then bidding them farewell before setting your eyes on the next fun stop. It is your body, you do you. If you want to try something different, do it at your own pace and comfort. What is wrong is the way society seems to hold this idea that when a woman consents to sex with multiple partners, she is somehow worth less or has no respect for herself. The whole “don’t be so easy” dilemma. That she is a loose woman, figuratively and literally — as if that’s not internalized misogyny. Clearly, people don’t know how the muscles in genitals work. Sleeping with multiple strangers isn’t bad. Degrading people for it is. There’s this traditional idea that sex is meant to be special and shared between two people who love each other. In the cisheteronormative movies, sex is romanticized to the point where it is only fulfilling when the two
protagonists find each other and consummate their love. Before, they were engaged in meaningless hook-ups with multiple unnamed people as a way to depict their lost sense of self-worth or direction. While sex can go that way, this is not the case for every situation. Just because one partakes in onenight stands does not mean they are damaged. I would know. I grew up with the internalized idea that saving yourself for someone special is the right thing to do, that one-night stands only lead to feelings of emptiness. I’ve got news: one-night stands didn’t do that to me. My first serious boyfriend and sexual partner did that to me when he abruptly left me like I was disposable. My first one-night stand, a gorgeous guy who was too good of a kisser to not take home with me, taught me that I am still the same person I was the night before. I didn’t wake up feeling any different or any less valuable. Because I know my self-worth and I am the only one who gets to define it. No one — not even my sexual partners — can define it.
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Keep any one-night stands responsible by using birth control and condoms. | PHOTO BY NATALIE THIEN