On Life and Love after 50
Tom Blake
Single Mom Nearing Retirement Wants to Make New Friends
I have often stressed to older singles the importance of getting involved in activities and making new friends. This week, Lynda, of Carlisle, Pa., emailed asking for advice on how to do that. Lynda said, “I was a single mom for 17 years and was very involved in my children’s lives and their activities. I have had the same type of work for 32 years and have moved a lot due to a military way of life. When I was in my 20s and 30s, making friends happened without even thinking about it. “Now, in my mid-50s, making friends seems to be tougher than I imagined. I have friends at work but most of them are married and have their own lives outside of work. “I have a good boss, I like my job a lot, and I get to see my grandkids, who live an hour away, once in a while. “Since I am approaching retirement, I’m trying to figure out what I can do to make friends and get involved in my community. I love animals and have two dogs of my own. I hope to someday find someone I can experience life with, although I am very content being on my own with my dogs. “I have thought about volunteering with Meals on Wheels and/or helping out with dog-rescue places. Any input would be appreciated.” Tom’s Answer: Making new friends now is wise. By doing so, you will already have friends when you retire. Yes, making friends is more difficult compared to when we were younger. For women, having women friends is as important, if not more important, than having men friends. By pursuing activities you enjoy, making new friends will easily follow. You already seem to know what you want to do: You love animals and have two dogs. You have thought about volunteering at an animal shelter. Go for it; you’re a natural. Two months ago, I rescued a dog www.50plusLifePA.com
named Samson and got to know the volunteers at my local shelter. They all had one thing in common: They loved dogs and cats. In addition, they were wonderful people. You would immediately make friends at an animal shelter. Next, you mentioned volunteering for Meals on Wheels. That’s a great cause. I suggest you start doing that once or twice a week. It is important to try new things, particularly after you stop working. After my life partner, Greta, retired, she became involved in tai chi, yoga, and water aerobics classes. Through exercise, she has made many wonderful new friends. If you need more ideas, check out Meetup (www.Meetup.com), a free site that lists all kinds of clubs and activities across the U.S. that you can
join. Pick a couple of activities that interest you and try them. One other point: You say you would like to meet a man with whom to experience life, but if that does not happen, you are content just spending time with your dogs. I think you can do both. Make time without the dogs to let a man into your life. Yes, you treasure your dogs, but don’t be so obsessed with them that you shut out potential mates. The above paragraph is important for people wanting to meet a mate. Often, I see women and sometimes men who are so into their pets they post their pet’s photo as their Facebook profile photo instead of their own. The message that sent is loud and clear: My pets are everything to me. Don’t get me wrong; I love all animals. However, wouldn’t it be nice
Need more LIFE in your life?
to have a mate and have your pets? Lynda, you have many positives in your life: You have worked in the same field for 32 years, which shows stability, dedication, and loyalty— great traits to have. Not many people have worked in a job that long. In addition, you were a single mom for 17 years, and that required a huge commitment. I have great respect for single moms—that has to be the toughest job in the world. Pursue making new friends before retirement with the same energy you put forth into working and raising your children. You will accomplish your goal quickly. For dating information, previous articles, or to sign up for Tom’s complimentary, weekly e-newsletter, go to www. findingloveafter60.com.
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