Okanagan Family Magazine 2023

ECEBC is committed to advancing the profession of early childhood education by collaboratively engaging in innovative policy development, research, and education, that uphold our ethics, values, principles, and obligations.

Note from the Editor

Much of our communication is non-verbal and as we become older and more proficient at communicating we still use non-verbal communication. So if we want to improve our communication skills we should practice our listening skills. Alyson Schafer has a great article to help you called ‘Listening vs Hearing’. Practicing this one skill can go a long way to improving family relationships.

Learning to cope is so important in everyone’s life and it starts with parents teaching their kids. Marie Hartwell-Walker has an excellent article on what to do and what Not to do. do listen and validate their feelings but don’t make someone else the target. Read all six pointers in the article ‘The Do’s & Don’ts of Teaching Your Child to Cope’.

Encourage your child or young adult to discover the joys of reading a good book. We have lots of great Canadian authors who have written wonderful stories such as Princesses Versus Dinosaurs by Linda Bailey, or the Marshmallow Martians series by deanna Kent. discover a fun read in the article‘Dive into Great Canadian Authors’ by Michal Utko. Go to your local library to find an awesome book today!

Having trouble conceiving? this condition is much more common than you’d think. dr. Kathy Wise at olive Fertility Centre has great advice in her article ‘Secondary Fertility: What You Need to Know to Grow Your Family’. take heart, there are a lot of treatment options and many things change after the first pregnancy.

did you know that for over 35 years telemark has been operating Special olympics programs? these programs enable athletes to learn new sports, stay healthy and make new friends. Numerous volunteers help to run the program and teach cross-country skiing, snowshoeing and other fun activities. For more information on the program or to volunteer read ‘A Special Way to Enjoy Winter’ by Annabel Stanley.

Are you having problems putting your child to bed? Need some good advice on how to deal with the power struggle between you and your child? We’ve got a couple of excellent articles: ‘A Crash Course on Navigating a Power Struggle’ by Molly Koch and Chloe Matkovich and ‘Sneaking Around’ by Alyson Schaffer. Both provide you with solid advice on how to handle tricky situations.

Need your faith in humanity restored? Check out a couple of heart warming articles: ‘The Joy of Mentoring: Seniors Giving Back in a Big Way’ by Melissa Mortimer, and ‘Family by Choice’ by dorothee Birker. People are so amazing. these stories really touched me.

If you’re into the arts we have a great article by Zeena Zaiyouna who is the new conductor of the okanagan Symphony Youth orchestra. In her article ‘Fostering Artistry: the Resonance of Breathing and Playing in Community’ we discover what inspires her and how to be completely present.

If you’re a nature lover, Risti Lesperance talks about Regional Parks programs and covers a plethora of local information from owls to bats, flowers and trees. It’s all in her article called ‘Outdoor Learning for the Whole Family’. too hot in the summer? Get practical tips on how to beat the heat in Amelia Ellsworth’s article ‘17 Tips for Staying Cool’. And don’t forget to read ‘Ten Tips to Help Families Navigate the Return to Work’. this year’s okanagan Family Magazine is full of practical material to help improve relationships and overcome difficulties. We enjoyed putting it together for you. Feel free to contact us if you would like to contribute an article next year. We are wishing you happiness and a safe and healthy year to come.

The Okanagan Family Magazine is published once a year by Dragonfli Studio and distributed free in the Central Okanagan. For more information contact Dragonfli Studio at 101-1865 Dilworth Drive, # 521, Kelowna, BC V1Y 9T1, call 250-470-3396 or email dragonflistudio@shaw.ca.

The articles contained in this publication represent the findings and opinions of the respective authors and do not necessarily represent or reflect the opinions of Dragonfli Studio. The articles contained herein are intended for information purposes only. Readers with any particular concerns should seek professional advice before acting. Dragonfli Studio will not be held liable for any inaccuracies or misrepresentations contained in any of the articles herein. Any questions can be directed to the respective authors or by contacting Dragonfli Studio at 250-470-3396.

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Alyson

After watching the presidential debates, I thought a good topic for the newsletter this month was one on listening skills. It seems like it should be natural, after all we’re born with ears, but hearing and listening are different.

Hearing is receiving sound vibrations that stimulate a nerve impulse, while listening is the skill of using all the senses to interpret the messages being sent to you from another person and responding in a way that lets them know you understand them. Perhaps it is a new born that is red faced and crying. She is arching her back as she wriggles in your arms. If you become a good listener, you’ll be able to tell if she is letting you know that she is hungry, tired or in need of a diaper change all before she is verbal. Much of our communication continues to be non-verbal, even after we learn to speak. A good listener will respond appropriately; offering them a breast to nurse, or rocking them to sleep or changing their nappy. that’s good communicating.

Perhaps you have a teen who rolls his eye balls when you ask if their homework is done, and they reply snarkily “oh my god, YES”. they are saying a lot more to you than simply confirming that their homework is done if you listen to the entire message being communicated. they are also saying “you bother me when you ask me. You don’t trust me”. It’s often what is Not said and the feelings associated with it that we have to learn to watch for and respond to.

So let’s look at some basic fundamentals of how you might start improving relationships in your family by practicing listening skills. See how much this one skill practiced regularly improves how the family is functioning by the end of this month.

Step One • Start by really wanting to be curious about the other person. truly care about the person that you’re listening to while suspending any judgement. It’s about showing a desire that you want to get to know them and understand them and their experience fully.

Step Two • While listening, give your full attention. too often we multitask and are distracted when we are trying to listen. Instead of glancing at your phone, or listening while you’re busy doing something else, pause for a moment when something important is being said. Move closer so you’re not talking across a room or up a staircase. try to be at their eye level. this helps you attend to what they are saying better, but it also communicates to them that they are important and valuable to you, and so is what they have to say.

Step Three • Resist the urge of getting distracted with what you want to say in response. It’s easy to stop listening because you are focusing instead on your rebuttal. You’ll have time for that in a moment. For now – just LIStEN.

Step Four • Encourage the person to open up and continue talking, by giving prompts such as; tell me about that, can you say more? Help me understand better.

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Step Five • As they talk more openly encourage them to continue with cues that say you are interested and you want them to continue. Nodding your head, saying ‘yes’, or ‘go on’, let’s the other person know that you are following and want them to have the floor and that it is safe to continue speaking openly and candidly.

Step Six • Use the art of paraphrasing, or summarizing and repeat back to the person you’re listening to your shortened understanding of what they have said in your own words. this way the other person can confirm whether or not you’ve understood what they’ve actually said. You can start by saying things like: ‘if I understood you correctly, you said’… or, ‘what I think you’re saying is’… or, ‘if I have this right you’re saying’… or, ‘what I heard you say was’… this allows them to correct any misinterpretations or to confirm that yes indeed you do understand them. that feeling of being understood is powerful. You don’t have to agree with them, you just have to understand them.

Step Seven • Be sure to include the emotion being communicated, not just the content of what they were saying. It’s not enough to say “you didn’t like that your puzzle broke”. try “it sounds like you’re angry that you worked so hard on that puzzle and all that hard work just got destroyed, is that right?”.

Step Eight • Use ‘I’ messages instead of ‘You’ messages. ‘You’ messages assign blame and make the other person defensive. Instead speak of your own behaviours and experiences. You can use this formula: I feel ____ when you____ because _____ and I would rather___

Here is an example: instead of the usual “don’t riffle through the clean clothes basket for a clean shirt!”.

try: “I feel my time and efforts have been disrespected when you rifle through the clean clothes basket because it messes up all the clothes I worked hard to fold. I would rather you lift off the other items carefully and replace them so everything stays unwrinkled”.

Sure it’s a lot longer to say all that but isn’t it worth it if it helps avoid a fight and keeps the relationship healthy?

Give it a try! Your kids might say “why are you talking funny?” but I am sure you’ll see how impactful it is.

Alyson Schafer is a family counsellor, TV personality, columnist, spokesperson, educator and consultant. She is one of Canada’s most notable parenting experts. Alyson is the resident expert on these national outlets: huffPost Parents, The Marilyn Denis Show, CTV news Channel and CanadaAm. She is the best selling author of Breaking The good Mom Myth and honey, i Wrecked The Kids and her latest, Ain’t Misbehavin’. her books have been translated into Russian, Korean, Bulgarian and Chinese. She is an international speaker including the inaugural TeDxKids in Belgium, and recent speaking tours in uruguay and Bulgaria.

Teaching Your Child to Cope The Do’s & Don’ts of

by Marie hartwell-Walker, Ed D • Psych Central www.psychcentral.com

one of the most important things we parents can do for our kids is to help them learn to cope. Stress, setbacks, disappointments and defeats are a natural and even at times a frequent part of people’s lives. A child who learns how to cope while young is a child who will gain strength and confidence as he matures. A child who knows how to manage in the face of adversity is a child who can face life unafraid.

the ability to cope is not something we’re born with. Coping involves a set of emotional and practical skills our children learn through both observation and direct teaching. As parents, it’s up to us to celebrate the good times but also to do our best to prepare them for the not-so-good.

Every disappointment is an opportunity to teach our children that they are strong enough to handle it. Whether it’s not getting the test score they expected, suffering a defeat in a sports event, not getting invited to

Teachers Care!

Central Okanagan teachers appreciate all of the challenges and the joys of raising children – most of us are parents too. We would like all of the families in Central Okanagan public schools (SD #23) to know that we feel honoured to be able to participate in the lives of their children. We value the trust that you place in us every day and we want you to know that teachers do care!

#101 -200 Dougall Rd n, Kelowna, B.C. 250-860-3866

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a party or being let down by a friend or relative, we can offer more than sympathy. We can also help our children learn skills for solving problems and for carrying on.

As with most things, modeling coping is the best way to teach it. When parents make room for sadness but also hold onto optimism; when they face their problems head-on; when they approach problems as a challenge to be solved; when they take responsibility if they had a share in what went wrong; children learn how to cope through their pores.

But sometimes it’s helpful to remind ourselves of some further ways we can discourage or encourage coping skills. Here’s a quick review.

1. Don’t ignore a problem. We don’t want our kids to think that putting their heads in the sand will make problems go away. they usually don’t. In fact, problems that are avoided often only become worse over time. Do encourage kids to face their problems, big and small. Solving little problems is what gives kids the practice they need to solve the big ones that will inevitably come along later. It’s important that we teach our children how to identify and reach for the supports they need when life hands them a big one.

2. Don’t step in too soon. If we always come to the rescue, our children won’t know how to rescue themselves. Do have confidence in your child. Children are by nature curious, creative and resilient. With our support, our children can learn to use their minds and hearts to manage challenging situations. We need to encourage them to think about a number of solutions and teach them how to look at the pluses and minuses of each one, and to make a wise choice of action. Yes, it’s always important to have our kids’ backs, especially if they are being bullied or hurt by others. But we also need to give them as much room as we can to experience their own strength.

3. Don’t get stuck in one version of a problem. often enough, the reason a problem can’t be solved is that people can’t think ‘outside of the box’ or take someone else’s point of view. Do teach your children how to look at a problem from multiple perspectives. Knowing how to walk in someone else’s shoes and to have empathy for someone else’s viewpoint is an important life skill. Kids who understand that there is seldom only one way to look at things are able to give other people the benefit of the doubt. they have more tolerance of other people’s feelings and ideas. they can make space for more creative problem-solving.

4. Don’t agree with your child that life is unfair, mean, or a vale of tears. Yes, life can be unfair. People can be mean. Sometimes things happen that are terribly sad. But jumping from a negative event to a generally negative attitude about life is a prescription

for unhappiness and powerlessness. Do acknowledge unfairness. Recognize when someone has been mean. But it’s crucial that we teach our children to separate their sense of themselves as worthwhile from other people’s unfair opinions and from negative events that are beyond their control. If nothing can be done about a negative situation, we need to teach our kids how to move on instead of feeling bad about themselves or getting stuck in resentment.

5. Don’t let yourself get depressed if your child is depressed. It may feel like you are being supportive but it’s not helpful for your child. Since no kid wants his parent to be sad, it adds the burden of your problem to the original problem. It leaves the child with no tools for coping with problems in the future. Do teach your child to engage with problems. that means talking out exactly what happened and why. It means working together to decide what they can change and what they can’t. It means figuring out where they may have inadvertently contributed to what happened. People who believe they can cope usually can. It may not be possible to change a situation but it is always possible to learn something from it. Perhaps in encouraging your child, you’ll also encourage yourself.

6. Don’t accept tantrums, acting out and helplessness. No problem has ever been solved by shows of temper, acts of aggression or giving up. It only adds another layer to the problem. Now your child has to manage the feelings of the person who was the recipient of that anger or resignation as well as their own feelings of embarrassment for losing it. Do listen to and validate feelings. Sometimes people do need to vent. We need to let our children know it’s okay to express emotions as long as they don’t make someone else the target. We can then teach them how to get past their feelings to a more reasonable place.

one of the most important skills we can teach children is how to soothe themselves when upset. We can help them practice deep breathing, counting to ten or taking a personal timeout when they need to. We can do them a major service by teaching them that feeling their feelings is important, but that it’s equally important to know how to calm down and come back to solving the problem.

Dr. Marie hartwell-Walker, ed.D. is an author, licensed psychologist, and a marriage and family therapist who has been in practice for more than 35 years. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. She writes regularly for Psych Central as well as Psych Central’s Ask the Therapist feature. She is author of the insightful parenting e-book, Tending the Family heart. Check out her book, unlocking the Secrets of Self-esteem.

Dive into Great Canadian Authors

by Michal utko • Okanagan Regional Library

dive into books by Canadian authors and illustrators! the variety and quality of Canadian reads has skyrocketed. there is something for every kid to enjoy and relate to. Artists and heroes, princesses and dinosaurs, martians and ghosts, time travel and murder, oh my! the okanagan Regional Library is here to help if you’re overwhelmed by choice or don’t know what to read next. oRL Youth Services staff are ready to find the perfect read from Canadian authors and beyond. Request a Personalized Booklist today! What to Read Next (orl.bc.ca).

Need extra motivation to pick up your next read? Get ready for I Read Canadian Day on November 8, 2023. I Read Canadian day is a national day of celebration of Canadian books for young people. this is a day dedicated to ‘reading Canadian’ and will empower families, schools, and libraries to celebrate our national talent. the purpose is to raise awareness of Canadian books and showcase diverse Canadian literature. I Read Canadian day – I Read Canadian. don’t miss these outstanding Canadian reads! I’ve hand-picked some great new additions to our collection. Check out a great book today at your local library.

Awesome Information Books:

• Killer Underwear Invasion! How to Spot Fake News, Disinformation and Conspiracy Theories by Elise Gravel

• A Tulip in Winter: A Story About Folk Artist Maud Lewis by Kathy Stinson

• Meet Mary Ann Shadd by Elizabeth MacLeod

Amazing Picture Books:

• Princesses Versus Dinosaurs by Linda Bailey

• It’s Time for Berries by Ceporah Mearns

• My Baba’s Garden by Jordan Scott

• I Can, Too! by Karen Autio

• Pink is for Everybody! by Ella Russell

Fantastic Graphic Novels:

• Marshmallow Martians series by deanna Kent

• Frank and Beans series by Maureen Fergus

• Ride On by Faith Erin Hicks

• Simon and Chester series by Cale Atkinson

Outstanding Book Series for Older Readers:

• Misewa Saga series by david A. Robertson

• Aggie Morton, Mystery Queen series by Marthe Jocelyn

To find out more about the Okanagan Regional Library, visit our website at www.orl.bc.ca and discover one of our many locations and all the great programs and digital products that we have.

Know to Grow Your family Secondary Infertility: What You Need to

If you are having trouble conceiving baby number two or three, you are not alone. Many women are shocked to find that they can’t get pregnant with a subsequent baby when they had no problem conceiving their first child.

Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to get pregnant following any prior pregnancy or the birth of one or more children. this condition is much more common than most people think. According to the Center for disease Control it affects approximately 12% of women trying to conceive a second child.

there’s a real lack of understanding about secondary infertility. often friends, family and some doctors downplay it, assuming that if you have had one child, you will be able to have a second. But 30% of the patients that we see are experiencing secondary infertility.

Along with the rollercoaster of trying to conceive, the social isolation can be particularly painful for women with secondary infertility. Being unable to produce a sibling for your existing child can create feelings of sorrow. You may feel distant from friends and have feelings of pain and jealously when friends or family members announce a pregnancy or give birth.

often you feel like you don’t belong in fertility support groups or on-line forums for women who are trying to conceive their first child. You may have feelings of guilt that you aren’t satisfied with having one child when others can’t conceive at all.

Causes of Secondary Infertility

Many things can change after the first pregnancy, including the age of the parents, weight, and even scarring that can be the result of an ectopic pregnancy, infection, or a caesarian section.

Factors that can contribute to secondary infertility in women and men include:

• Advanced maternal age (age 35 and older)

• Impaired sperm production or low-sperm count

• Damaged fallopian tubes

• Endometriosis

• Uterine conditions

• Polycystic ovary syndrome

• Excessive weight gain in both men and women

• Lifestyle factors including smoking, marijuana use and heavy alcohol use

• Certain medications

Secondary infertility, – just like primary infertility, – can be diagnosed as unexplained. As many as 50% of cases of secondary infertility are identified as unexplained.

Treatment Options

Couples or single moms shouldn’t give up hope. there are several different treatment options, and the good news is that if you’ve had one child, your chances of success with fertility treatments are higher. the first step is to have a complete fertility workup to try and identify the underlying cause. Your fertility specialist will go over the results of your tests with you and discuss an appropriate treatment plan.

treatments for secondary infertility are similar to those offered for primary infertility which include:

Superovulation, where you take oral or injectable fertility medications, to stimulate your ovaries to produce multiple eggs increasing the chance of fertilization.

Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), during which sperm is placed inside the uterus to promote fertilization. IUI can increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes, which increases the likelihood of successful fertilization.

In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), which involves combining egg and sperm outside the body and then transferring an embryo back into the uterus.

Current Technologies In IVF

Until recently we were only able to judge the health of an embryo by its appearance. However, in some cases, embryos that look normal don’t result in a successful pregnancy. this can be because the embryo isn’t chromosomally normal.

If an embryo has too few or too many chromosomes (a condition known as aneuploidy), the embryo will either never implant in the uterus or result in a miscarriage or a baby with conditions such as down syndrome. Research shows that about 80% of chromosomal problems arise from the egg, 10% from the sperm, and 10% from postfertilization errors.

the chances of having chromosomally abnormal eggs increases significantly in women over 37 and is one of the primary reasons for IVF failure. But advances in assisted reproductive technology are increasing the success rates of IVF.

Preimplantation Genetic Testing for Aneuploidy (PGT-A)

A test called Preimplantation Genetic testing for Aneuploid (PGt-A), or Comprehensive Chromosomal Screening (CCS) allows us to screen the IVF embryos for chromosome imbalances and determine which ones are the most likely to result in a successful pregnancy.

What Does PGT-A Involve?

With PGt-A, an egg is fertilized in the laboratory and the embryo is grown for 5-7 days at which point 5-10 cells are taken from the part of the embryo that will form the placenta (thus leaving the cells that are destined to become the fetus untouched). the embryo is then frozen, and the biopsied cells are sent to a specialized laboratory for testing. the results help us identify which embryos are chromosomally normal. this chromosomally normal embryo can be transferred in the next menstrual cycle. Studies have shown that IVF with PGt-A can achieve:

• Implantation rates of 70%-75%

• Miscarriage rates as low as 15%

• A very low risk of chromosomal problems such as Down syndrome (diagnostic accuracy is about 97%)

Is There a Downside to PGT-A?

the biggest potential disappointment with PGt-A is the risk that none of the embryos will be chromosomally normal. the risk for abnormal embryos increases with a woman’s age. For example, for women under 35, the chance of a chromosomally normal embryo is about 65%. For women over 42, however, that plummets to about 10-15%.

While PGt-A increases the cost of an IVF cycle many women and couples feel that, despite the added upfront costs, PGt-A may improve the cost effectiveness of IVF by reducing the number of failed transfers, miscarriages, and procedures related to unhealthy pregnancies.

When Should You Talk to a Doctor?

the most important message is to get your fertility checkup sooner rather than later, as age is the number one reason for fertility issues. We advise women to seek medical advice for infertility if you:

• Are under 35 and have been trying to conceive for one year

• Are over 35 and have been trying for six months

• Have a history of PCOS, pelvic inflammatory disease, painful periods, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, difficult C-section and/or irregular cycles

• Your partner has a low sperm count

In British Columbia, consultation with a fertility specialist and most fertility testing and surgery is fully covered by MSP with a referral from your family doctor or a doctor at a walk-in clinic. In addition, more employers are providing coverage for fertility medications, IVF and egg freezing in their extended health plans.

Dr. Kathy Wise MD, FRCSC is a fertility specialist, and co-founder and Medical Director of Olive Fertility Centre Kelowna (formerly Kelowna Regional Fertility Centre).

ReSOuRCeS

For more information on support and resources for Secondary infertility go to: Fertility Matters (a fertility advocacy group) fertilitymatters.ca The national infertility Association (resolve.org)

Drop-In Playtime

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A Special Way to enjoy Winter

by Annabel Stanley • Telemark nordic Club

People with intellectual disabilities are too often left behind and forgotten in too many settings. the limited data available shows people with intellectual disabilities experience higher rates of preventable hospitalizations, obesity, mental illness, over-medication, and more. Having equal access to sport opportunities is important to their health and wellbeing. Fortunately, in Kelowna there are thriving inclusive sport programs for athletes with intellectual disabilities of all ages.

Special olympics BC (SoBC)-Kelowna offers year-round sport, youth, and health programs for people with intellectual disabilities of all ages. their inclusive, welcoming programs involve athletes with intellectual disabilities who have a wide range of ability levels and sport backgrounds. over nearly four decades since founding in 1985, SoBC – Kelowna has grown to include more than 200 athletes currently participating in 16 different summer and winter sports.

“Special olympics is important to me because I learned to do so many sports that I never knew how to do. I never knew how to swim, downhill ski, cross-country ski, play bocce or softball before I started in Special

olympics,” longtime athlete Kelsey Wyse says.

“I live a very healthy life that I learned by being a Special olympics athlete. I have been so lucky to have so many amazing coaches who helped me to be a better athlete and person. I have learned to work and train hard, never give up, and always try my best.”

For people with intellectual disabilities interested in getting active on snow like Wyse, SoBCKelowna runs popular cross-country skiing and snowshoeing programs at telemark Nordic. the cross-country skiing team has a strong group of more than 20 dedicated athletes who train on snow January through midMarch and stay active in the off season hiking through the region. the snowshoeing team has more than ten athletes who train at telemark and would love to welcome new members.

telemark Nordic is a vibrant club that fosters inclusion and community spirit and brings families together. Special olympics athletes and volunteer coaches say they really enjoy the friends they made over the 35 years that Special olympics programming has operated at telemark.

Just 10 minutes from downtown Westbank on the way to Crystal Mountain. 50km of expertly groomed trails for all abilities for skate and classic skiing. Night skiing • dog friendly trail • 62km of snowshoe trails

Season passes • day passes • lessons and rentals: skate, classic skis, snowshoes Cozy chalet and heated washrooms.

Youth programs in cross-country skiing and biathlon for all ages and abilities. Additional programs for: Masters • Special Olympics • local school groups.

www.telemarknordic.com

Cross-Country Skiing

In addition to the rewarding recreational and social opportunities through weekly training programs, Special olympics also offers empowering competitive opportunities for those interested in challenging themselves. Athletes can progress through Regional Qualifiers, Special olympics BC Games, Special olympics Canada Games, and Special olympics World Games.

SoBC-Kelowna and telemark have a distinguished history of producing successful Special olympics competitors. In the last two Special olympics Games cycles, SoBC-Kelowna athlete Francis Stanley made it all the way onto Special olympics team Canada. Stanley was invited to train with the telemark race team, which was a great opportunity for him to further his technique and skills and contributed to him to winning the 2022 Special olympics Canada Athlete of the Year Award.

“I was proud to represent Special olympics as an athlete and show everyone what we can do,” Stanley said.

Eighteen SoBC-Kelowna cross-country skiing and snowshoeing athletes competed with pride in the 2023 Special olympics BC Winter Games. Based on their results at those Provincial Games, five Nordic skiers and three snowshoeing athletes earned spots on the provincial team to compete at the Special olympics Canada Winter Games Calgary 2024, supported by telemark coaches Annabel Stanley, Ray Huson, ty Wilkinson, and david Wilkinson.

telemark also fosters inclusive sport environments by offering trail access to groups such as CRIS Adaptive Adventures. CRIS enables outdoor urbanbased experiences for people that require additional support, due to a variety of barriers such as physical, cognitive, or sensory challenges, through a combination of the right people, experience, and adaptive equipment.

To learn how your family can get involved, please visit www.telemarknordic.com.

Adventure Junction Early Learning Centre

Infant/Toddler 30mths to School Age Multi-Age Programs

250-878-2326

adventurejunctionelc@outlook.com 102 Snowsell Street North, Kelowna, BC V1V 2E2

Navigating a Power Struggle A Crash Course on

“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm. Not join their chaos”.

~ L.R. Knost

You’ve had a long day, and you’re ready for bed but before you get to bed your child needs to get to bed as well. You step into the living room and say “it’s time for bed, time to turn off the tv,” your child begins to protest, throw the remote and yell at you. or maybe, you’ve played a game of tug of war with homework pages leaving you at your wits end just as frustrated and escalated as your child.

do either of these situations sound familiar? You may have experienced moments of a power struggle leading yourself and your child to feel dysregulated. Well, we are here to tell you, you are not alone and we have top-tier intervention strategies to help you work through these moments with more ease and less pull.

For all of us, power struggles are extremely common, and most of the time we don’t realize we’re in one. What we have learned is that once you enter one, there is no winner but two losers resulting in both parties being left dysregulated. Have you ever considered dropping your end of the rope and moving to the same side as your child or learner? Conflict is scary for anyone, especially when trying to teach skills such as tolerating ‘no’, transitions, and flexibility. You may feel like you are ‘giving in’ or disregarding your boundary when not following through with your demand in the traditional sense. In reality, you are opening the door to a calm resolution where both parties are validated and heard.

the first step in preventing a power struggle is to see and acknowledge the warning signs telling you a storm is brewing within your child. You know your child best, you know the early signs of frustration, a hard day, or dysregulation better than anyone. In the world of intervention these warning signs are called precursors, we use them to identify the approaching storm of bigger behaviours that can be easily triggered. If we can spot these warning signs early and support the child where they’re at we can stop a power struggle completely and prevent a larger escalation.

Warning signs or precursors look different for every child and often we may see irritability, avoidance, threats, escape attempts, or counter offers. All of which can be ways your child is unknowingly attempting to engage you in a power struggle to better allow themselves to gain some sense of control. When we see these signs we can engage in the following strategies:

Give choices • Instead of “it’s time to do your homework”, ask your child “do you want to work on math or social studies first?”, this gives the child an opportunity to make a choice and feel more in control of the demand that is placed on them.

Determine your motivator • No one wants to complete a task they are not motivated to complete and we can’t expect anything less from a child. Using an item, activity, or interaction can help motivate your child to work through a demand. E.g. “Go pick out a book for us to read AFtER you’re done brushing your teeth”.

First… then language • this may be better suited for younger learners but focuses on breaking a demand into components that allows easier processing. E.g. “First brush your teeth and then I will read you a bedtime story”.

Lower demands • observe your child’s tolerance to measure what demand is suitable at that moment. Just like anyone, kids do their best when they’re able and that’s why it’s important to meet them where they are at. Set your expectations accordingly, e.g. “I hear your

homework is hard, instead of doing both pages let’s just complete the first page now and come back to it later”.

despite our best efforts, sometimes, we do end up in the trenches of a power struggle. We are here to tell you it is very natural to enter one when you are working through the same issue day after day. You are doing the best you can and being a parent/guardian is hard! Always remember, it is never too late to change your approach amid a power struggle. When you cut the rope loose, the tension drops and you open the doors to negotiation and resolution, the end goal of all conflicting situations. the following suggestions we use daily to bring relief and regulation to both parties:

Model regulation behaviours • take a breath… a big one, we need to enter this situation calmly. As role models we need to practice what we preach, why would any child want to engage in a strategy they never see being modelled?

Support instead of fix • At times it’s not possible to change what’s happening and we need to lower our expectations for ourselves and our children to better meet them where they’re at. Support them instead of trying to change and control the situation, these emotions are big for anyone, let alone someone without the strategies to navigate.

Validation • Make your child feel heard, even when it may feel unreasonable or uncomfortable. this can look like paraphrasing what they are communicating to you or labelling what you are seeing. E.g. “I see you are really upset right now”, “it’s okay to be frustrated”, or “this is hard”. Be a team • Always remember that you are on the same side working together to find a resolution. Letting the child know you are rooting for what they want allows them a safe space to express their emotions and communicate. Be open to negotiation and talking through the problem,

when they feel you are against them you are only making a tighter knot between the two of you. E.g. “I really wanted you to have more time with your game too. I will make sure we have more time tomorrow”.

It’s important to remember that every behaviour has a function and with that, your crash course on power struggle navigation is complete. take the time to explore the strategies suggested and find what works best to better support yourself and your child when working through those tough moments together. You both can peacefully walk away from situations while maintaining your boundaries, bond and trust.

Chloe Matkovich and Molly Koch, B.Sc. are the Senior Directors of Vista Academy, a non-profit therapeutic learning centre for Autistic and Special needs kids. They provide an array of services such as 1:1 behavioural intervention, alternative homeschooling and social groups. What they love most is the opportunity to provide an environment where their learners feel safe, supported and celebrated.

Child Care Map

Daycare * Preschool * After School Care

1 Adventure Junction

early Learning Centre pg 13 102 Snowsell St n, Kelowna

2 BGC Okanagan pg 18

355 hartman Rd, Rutland

200 Mallach Rd, Rutland

470 ziprick Rd, Rutland

1434 graham St, Kelowna

125 Snowsell St n, Kelowna

1633 Richter St, Kelowna

2337 Richter St, Kelowna

568 eldorado Rd, Kelowna

5160 Chute Lake Rd, Kelowna 2090 gordon Dr, Kelowna 125 glenmore Rd n, Kelowna 2466 Main St, West Kelowna 3365 Boundary Rd, West Kelowna 3230 Salmon Rd, West Kelowna 3770 elliot Rd, West Kelowna

1221 hudson Rd, West Kelowna

9870 Bottom Wood Lake Rd, Lake Country

5684 Beach Ave, Peachland

5486 Clements Cres, Peachland

3 for the Kids Daycare pg 19

3770 Water Rd, east Kelowna

101-1680 Ross Rd, West Kelowna

4 Kee’s Tae Kwon Do pg 21

111-1645 Dilworth Dr, Kelowna

2109 C Louie Dr, West Kelowna

5 KinderHeart Montessori pg 20

100-865 Anders Rd, West Kelowna

6 Ms Patty’s Westside Montessori

Childrens’ Centre pg 22 3155 glenrosa Rd, West Kelowna

7 Our Lady of Lourdes elementary School pg 19 2547 hebert Rd, West Kelowna

8 YMCA of Southern Interior BC pg 5

gallagher Rd, Kelowna

Seniors Giving Back in a Big Way The Joy of Mentoring:

by Melissa Mortimer • Fresh Outlook Foundation

At the age of 60, with more than 30 years as a sustainability outreach and engagement specialist behind her, Jo de Vries sometimes felt old, irrelevant, and invisible.

“Many of my colleagues were in their 20s and 30s, and some seemed uninterested in my insights and ideas,” explained de Vries, founder and CEo of the Fresh outlook Foundation. “I really started to question whether I wanted to keep working in a career I loved.”

So, when she was asked to head up the Climate Action Ripple Effect (CARE) program in Vernon, B.C., she wondered if she was the right fit for a program that would bring teachers, high school students, and community mentors together to create climateaction projects in support of the City’s Climate Action Plan and United Nations’ Sustainable development Goals.

The Capstone of Her Career • What happened next, according to de Vries, was ‘magical’. And it confirmed everything she’d come to believe about the importance of intergenerational collaboration in building more sustainable communities.

“Although I was nervous standing in front of my first class of Grade 11 students, I quickly learned that we had a great deal to offer each other. While I brought expertise, earned perspective, and passion, they came with their own insights, ideas, and a great deal of energy.”

“Seeing first-hand the passion students have for climate action and making real change totally reinvigorated me,” said de Vries.

“Many of these students felt overwhelmed before starting the program, but during CARE they developed a sense of agency and knew they could make meaningful contributions to climate action.”

Along with 50 other community mentors, many of them seniors, de Vries was instrumental in enabling and encouraging that change. Working closely with students as they developed their group projects, de Vries coached them on community sustainability and engagement, project design and implementation, project display and presentation skills, how to navigate the challenges of working with different personalities, and how to share their ideas while considering other viewpoints and methods.

“I saw that most students greatly appreciated what mentors brought to the table. Now that they know how to harness this mostly untapped intergenerational power, they’ll be keener and more comfortable reaching out in the future.”

A Natural Fit • For retired teacher and Men’s Shed Vernon (MSV) member John Wilson, mentoring young people is both fun and rewarding.

“You don’t need to be a teacher to be a good mentor,” said Wilson. “Not all kids learn as well in a classroom environment so getting handson experience is really helpful for them.”

during CARE, Wilson worked with three ‘amazing’ young people at the MSV shop to help them design and create a scale model for a solar-powered water heater. As Wilson sees it, his role as a mentor is to listen to what the students want to achieve and help them find a way to make their ideas work.

“You need to know when to give help and when to get out of their way,” Wilson said. “You want to help them find their own path, even if you know what they’re trying to do won’t work.”

Learning from Nature and Mentors • When Grade 12 student Camryn enrolled in the CARE program, she wanted to learn about the invasive species in her local wetlands. She reached out to her teacher, Rob Buchanan, at the AIAO (Awaken, Inquiry & Adventure Okanagan) alternative program at Clarence Fulton Secondary School in Vernon, B.C. AIAo educators believe that learning is a collaborative effort,

involving not only teachers and students but also community members who serve as mentors.

Buchanan encouraged Camryn to contact Norbert Maertens of the North okanagan Naturalists’ Club. A former teacher and longtime volunteer, Maertens met with Camryn and her cohorts and learned that they were interested in creating botanical salves and teas out of invasive plants in the wetland behind their school.

“Norbert took us on a nature walk,” said Camryn. “He knew everything about all the plants, their history, and effects on the ecosystem. He really listened to us and gave us great, creative tips about how to use and prepare plants to make them into products.”

For Maertens, working with young people and seeing how eager they are to learn outside the classroom is always inspiring.

“It’s amazing how observant kids are if you allow them to be. t hey have the energy and the interest, and it can open many portals for them to find something they can do in their later life, like create a business,” said Maertens.

Camryn and her fellow students on the project ended up packaging and selling their CARE Botanicals at the CARE Summit and, with Maertens’ guidance, plan to continue developing more products made from invasive species.

Camryn’s advice for seniors who are considering mentoring but worry that young people won’t want to work with ‘old people’?

“ t here are certain young people who are excited about learning,” said Camryn. “ t hey’re interested to learn from people who have the knowledge, no matter what their age.”

Next year, Camryn is off to the University of Calgary where she’ll major in English. She’s currently writing her first book, and is collaborating with another mentor to get it ready for publishing.

A Meaningful Way to Give Back • Maertens, Wilson, and de Vries want to see more seniors stepping up to mentor youth in their communities, sharing their time and knowledge in meaningful ways. Maertens said, “our educational system is important, but the practical aspect is equally crucial and that is something older people can share. We need to hear their concerns and find out what is important to them. We can offer them a different perspective, one that can make a huge difference in their lives.”

Wilson finds the young people he’s mentored to be smarter and more thoughtful than his generation. He added, “I can’t wait to do this again”.

“In 2022,” said de Vries, “CARE saw about 300 students work with almost 50 mentors to create 74 projects and events ranging from those that protect natural ecosystems, educate elementary students about climate anxiety, and explore the role mushrooms play in composting plastics. I’m overwhelmed by their creativity, proud to be part of what they accomplished, and eager to see how their experience will inspire ongoing climate advocacy.”

the next round of CARE will be held next spring. If you’re interested in being a student mentor, please contact jo@freshoutlookfoundation.org.

CaTHolIC InDePenDenT SCHoolS

Faith-Based Education in the Roman Catholic Tradition

As Catholic schools, we are committed to a bully-free environment in which children can learn, free from fear of harassment or violence. Our curriculum goes beyond academics to develop the full childphysically, intellectually and spiritually - to set our students up for a well-balanced life.

Melissa Mortimer is a writer and filmmaker from Vancouver, B.C. This article is just one of many created by Fresh Outlook Foundation writers for heADS uP for Seniors by Seniors. To find more articles about seniors’ mental health, and to learn more about CARe, visit freshoutlookfoundation.org.

Outdoor Learning for the Whole family

Living in the okanagan, on the traditional, ancestral, and unceded territory of the Syilx okanagan people, we are enriched by a bounty of physical, emotional, and intellectual benefits gained from time spent outdoors. Children, like all of us, need access to natural green spaces and time to discover the world around them. What better way to encourage an appreciation of nature, and pursue an active lifestyle, than venturing with your family into a regional park near you!

Regional Parks Services offers many park programs for school groups and community groups of all ages. Maybe your child has already visited a regional park with their class on a scheduled school tour, or maybe their teacher already has such an outing planned for the school year. Programs in regional parks include Pond Study, Bears, Bats, Birds of the okanagan, owls, Habitat Connections, and trees of the okanagan. Each program is designed to get students outdoors with a park interpreter so they can learn firsthand about specific aspects of park ecology. In the Bat program for instance, students will learn that bats are

Montessori Preschool

important, bats are interesting, bats are in trouble, and how they can help bats! did you know that there are 16 species of bats in British Columbia and all those species are insectivores, meaning that their diet consists of insects? the Pallid bat is found in the south okanagan and eats scorpions and as such has become immune to their venom. the Spotted bat is another species found in our province and is the only local species that we can hear when it echolocates; this bat emits echolocation sounds at a frequency humans can hear, while all other species emit a call that is above the hearing range for humans. Bats use their ears to navigate the night skies with echolocation. Just as the word implies, they locate objects in space by listening for rebounding echoes of their very loud, high frequency calls. Bats are mammals of the order Chiroptera which literally means ‘hand-wing’. With their forelimbs adapted as wings, they are the only mammals capable of true and sustained flight.

Participants in the Trees of the Okanagan program will learn how to identify common tree species in our region, such as Black Cottonwood, Western Red-cedar, douglas-fir, and Ponderosa Pine. Can you identify any of these trees? Black Cottonwoods love to grow near water so the next time you’re walking along a creek-side trail look for these tall deciduous trees with broad, heart-shaped leaves. Cottonwoods have furrowed, gray bark and they have seed pods that split open in the warming weather in May and June to release white fluffs of ‘cotton’ that contain the seeds. Cottonwoods are the fastest growing tree in our province, some growing as much as two meters per year! their fast growth rate may have something to do with their relatively short life span, they live to be only about 200 years old, which is short in the life span of trees. Western Red-cedars are a coniferous, or evergreen tree. Like Cottonwoods, they also love to grow near a water source and unlike Cottonwoods, this species is slower growing and can live up to a thousand years! You can identify Western Red-cedar by its stringy gray bark that tears off in long strips and its evergreen scale-like leaves arranged on twigs in flat, fan-like sprays. the leaves of Western Red-cedar emit a distinctive aroma that can help you identify this significant tree. douglas-firs are another evergreen tree, and identifiable by their short, soft needles. Park interpreters will often encourage park visitors to shake hands with a douglas-fir as their boughs are soft and supple to the touch! And while you’re getting acquainted with a douglas-fir, look around for neighbouring Ponderosa Pines which you can distinguish by their long needles that grow in a cluster of three. Ponderosa Pines have distinctive reddish-brown bark that when scratched will smell like vanilla. So go ahead, do a scratchand-sniff with a Ponderosa Pine, and try it for yourself. these are some of the activities and lessons that students experience during a regional park school program and there is so much more that happens in the magic of the outdoors! often, simply being outside in the fresh air in a natural setting is the highlight of the program! Inquire about the outdoor learning opportunities planned for your child’s class.

time outdoors doesn’t need to be scheduled or planned. Grab the family and head outdoors to explore your nearest regional park or green space! Each season offers its own unique treasure to be discovered. Kokanee salmon spawning season is every September and presents a great occasion for a family outing. From late August to early october landlocked Kokanee salmon from okanagan Lake swim upstream to lay their eggs in stream rock beds. Your family can experience this phenomenon by visiting two prime spawning viewing locations: the spawning channel at Mission Creek Regional Park, at Springfield and durnin Road in Kelowna, or along deep Creek in Hardy Falls Regional Park off Hardy Road in Peachland. Winter boasts some of the best hiking opportunities with chances for animal tracking in the snow and wintry wonderlands to enjoy. A favourite winter hiking trail is at KLo Creek Regional Park in Kelowna off of McCulloch Road. this is a year-round trail that is especially wonderful in the winter when the trees are bowed over under the weight of snow and the waters of KLo Creek are gurgling under the ice.

Come spring, regional parks burst with wildflowers such as Arrowleaf balsamroot and yellow bells. A notable spring wildflower to watch for is bitter root, or spitlem. Spitlem is one of the four food chiefs of Syilx culture and is the chief of all the foods that grow underground. Spitlem blooms in a short window in mid-to-late May and can be seen in parks such as Rose Valley Regional Park and Stephens Coyote Ridge Regional Park. this vibrant pink wildflower grows in rocky and sandy soil close to the ground on hillsides that are exposed to the heat of the sun. Come summertime, seek out shady canyon trails such as the Rock ovens trail in Scenic Canyon Regional Park or cool off at a waterfront park with a swim in okanagan Lake at Bertram Creek Regional Park or Kalamoir Regional Park.

Kelowna Minor Basketball

All regional parks offer trail systems for self-guided hikes and walks. Every twist and turn of a park trail offers new opportunities for young and old to discover local flora and fauna. Visit the EECo (Environmental Education Centre for the okanagan) at 2363A Springfield Road in Kelowna for more information on park trails and pick up a park program guide. the park program guide is also available to download on the Regional district website, www.rdco.com/parksguide. the EECo is open year-round tuesday through Sunday, 10:00am to 3:00pm. While there, sign out a Discovery Backpack and explore nearby Mission Creek Regional Park.

Regional Parks Services offers many guided hikes, public programs, school programs, and special events throughout the year. The Regional Parks system offers year-round opportunities for outdoor learning and exploration. Learn more at rdco.com/parks and follow us on instagram @regionalparks.

Breathing and Playing in Community fostering

Embarking on my journey as the new conductor kanagan Symphony Youth rchestra, I am filled with excitement and anticipation. Leaving the frenetic pace and isolating energies oronto behind, I am drawn to quieter and more artistic pastures.

As a trailblazer at heart, I have needed to follow my inner compass closely. his persistence to seek artistry, life balance and harmony in a dissonant world has led me to invaluable experiences and opportunities.

In 2006, a utch panel of six men initially dismissed me, asserting my lack of theoretical background to be a conductor his pivotal rejection pushed me to explore my other passions: arts education and youth advocacy. Winning an EU scholarship in 2010 for a Master’s in Lifelong Learning in enmark, I delved into the puzzling question of why the arts often take a back seat in his two-year investigation unveiled the deeply troubling

economic and transnational education policies that undermine the rich contributions of a culturally vibrant and musical society.

In the western world’s proclamation of knowledge as power, we appear to have disconnected from our innate vigor, our emotions and our inherent artistry. All this investigation into why the world is the way it is, brought me full circle to my musical roots, setting off a healing expedition after a surgery I underwent in 2013. his seven-year creative outlet of orchestral performances and piano improvisations in yoga communities became a valuable medicine for my mental health toolbox, facilitating the release of emotive repression and stagnation.

he unexpected twist in my career was educational research at Right to Play International during the Ebola pandemic. Collaborating with talented individuals, we developed psychosocial communication tools

s

to support traumatized children in emergency educational settings. this experience solidified what I had always known since my youth: music and the arts are powerful non-verbal forms of communication, significantly impacting emotional processing in the brain and body. Scientifically, the intricacies of playing and music’s impact on the bloodbrain barrier, aid in trauma repair. thus, performing a musical instrument or honing another artistic craft not only augments intelligence and divergent thinking, but also becomes integral for a healthy emotional heart and mind. In our current society, which often sidelines emotions, the arts become a haven for acceptance, self-expression and growth. the CoVId pandemic deprived me of music within a community for the third time in my life. during the height of the pandemic, teaching instrumental music online without the sense of community, inspiration, and support proved to be one of the toughest challenges I have ever faced. I found myself truly uninspired coupled with shallow breathing and limited movement.

A question I always pose to my students is: what does the word inspiration mean? What is it to feel inspired?

the latin verb inspirare means ‘to breathe’ or to take in. the involvement of breathing is sort of an inward infusion of creativity, ideas, or motivation that sparks a person’s thinking, actions or expression. We rely on our breathing to take in new life. When we breathe deeply, we invigorate and stimulate the mind and the soul. As an oboe player (a wind instrument), I am attuned to the intricacies of inhalation and exhalation. When I stand in front of my students I present the challenge of inspiring the audience at the far back to feel the resonance of their expression. the quality of our breath determines the quality of resonance in our lives.

Art provides a means for being completely in the now, focused on the present moment. the present breath. We allow the artistry to flow within us. Allowing artistry to flow through us, exchanging this inspired resonance, lubricates our emotional channels, and eases the mental tensions we all face.

As an artist and conductor, I am profoundly grateful for the impact of these art forms on my dexterity and emotional well-being. Imagine having a job that contributes positively to your health! Music isn’t merely a ‘nice-tohave’ as some governments suggest, but an integral part of our individual and collective well-being. Unlocking the vital artistry within each of us holds the key for transformative and perhaps even systemic change.

As we advocate for the importance of art in education, we must recognize the unique value of music in the lives of youth. By investing in music programs and granting access to musical experiences, we plant the seeds for emotional well-being; nurturing a generation of confident, empathetic, and communicative individuals.

As I stand at the beginning of my journey as oSYo conductor, I am filled with excitement. For 35 years, this ensemble has been a place where young musicians throughout the okanagan Valley can flourish and thrive in community. I am thrilled and honoured to have the opportunity to continue and build on this legacy, and to further grow the oSYo family to create a place of belonging and inspiration, and to provide okanagan audiences with wonderful musical experiences.

The Okanagan Symphony Youth Orchestra (OSYO) is a year-long rigorous orchestral educational program for self-motivated young musicians to play challenging and rewarding orchestral music and improve their rehearsal and performance skills. To find out more visit our website at okanagansymphony.com/osyo/.

Summer Programs

Education & Events

Birthday Parties

Sneaking Around

by Alyson Scha

Hi Alyson,

Our nine year old son has always been an early riser. Lately we have been finding evidence of him sneaking things before everyone else is awake, like Coke or juice boxes or sweets, or breaking into my phone and watching YouTube videos. We have left snacks out for him in case he is hungry. We have discussed it at family meetings. Each time he promises he’ll never do it again, but then a week later, he’s back snitching something different. We’ve made sure there are things to keep him busy until we’re awake. Nothing seems to be working.

Help!

dear Parent of Early Morning Snitcher, I am so happy to hear you already have family meetings to discuss such things! Wonderful! When kids make agreements and then break them, you can discuss what should happen when people don’t keep their word. Basically, have them create a suitable consequence at the next family meeting.

Since you can’t MAKE him not take things, you could suggest that if he is unable to use selfrestraint in eating and drinking items that are not allowed, then you are unwilling to have them in the house. or, (since there is never one right solution and the best solutions come from kids themselves) you might suggest that since he is sneaking, he is voting with his behaviour that the current rules about snacks and pop need to be re-visited and perhaps you need to adjust some of the rules to allow for more flexibility. tech can be protected with apps that block access to Youtube if that is an issue. But again, it may be that he has creatively decided to sneak around the screen limits because he feels they are unreasonable. If you open the discussion about screen time again, you might find that by giving a bit more access during the day, he doesn’t have to work around the rules by sneaking. the good will of saying “how about ten more minutes in the evening” could result in curbing the 30 minutes of unsupervised morning Youtube sneaking.

Ultimately, we want to win a child’s co-operation rather than force their compliance to rules. He has to truly be willing to work with you as a member of the family, feeling that he is respected and heard, and invested in helping the family work harmoniously. that feeling is something that transcends this one issue. Is he heard? do you have too many rules? do you give too many orders and compliance requests? does he have reasonable autonomy? If he is feeling powerless or undervalued, he will be less willing to get along with you across many situations – food and tech being just two.

Hope this helps!

Alyson

Alyson has been blogging parenting advice for over 15 years. Her #AskAlyson blog post appears on sites across Canada and the US.

Alyson Schafer is a family counsellor, TV personality, columnist, spokesperson, educator and consultant. She is one of Canada’s most notable parenting experts. Alyson is the resident expert on these national outlets: huffPost Parents, The Marilyn Denis Show, CTV news Channel and CanadaAm. She is the best selling author of Breaking The good Mom Myth and honey, i Wrecked The Kids and her latest, Ain’t Misbehavin’. her books have been translated into Russian, Korean, Bulgarian and Chinese. She is an international speaker including the inaugural TeDxKids in Belgium, and recent speaking tours in uruguay and Bulgaria.

family by Choice

by Dorothee Birker • KCR Community Resources

Families are diverse and can be formed in a variety of ways. For the deimling and LaskinaAborghea families, it was the realities of the war in Ukraine and the desperate need for security that brought them together. It is however genuine affection, acceptance and care, that makes them a family by choice.

When Russia invaded Ukraine in 2022, it started a mass exodus of families fleeing their homeland, for safety and security. Valeriia Laskina and husband Nasreddin (Naser) Aborghea, along with their baby daughter Jannat, fled to a refugee camp in Germany and started looking for viable options for their small family.

When Elaine and Vance deimling, safe and secure in Kelowna, saw news reports about the war, they immediately knew they wanted to help in a meaningful way.

“I was struck by the image of a small boy walking around with a plastic bag,” says Vance, explaining how they decided to become a host family. “He was so reminiscent of our little boy.”

“We knew we needed to do something, that we had to reach out and help in some way,” adds Elaine. “We found a website about hosting families that would be coming to Canada and I just knew that this was it. that we could give at least one family a safe place to be.”

they sought more information on the ‘ICanHost’ website (which was quickly set-up by volunteers when the war broke out) and shared their willingness to host. Valeriia and Naser reached out to them by WhatsApp in March 2022 and the two families maintained contact through the long and arduous process of the Laskina-Aborgheas applying for and waiting for their visas.

While the process dragged on, Valeriia became pregnant again but this did not deter Vance and Elaine from opening their home.

“We knew we had the room,” explains Elaine, while her husband laughs and says “I said okay sure, I like babies”.

In december Valeriia and Jannat received their visas and the family made the difficult decision to come to Canada without Valeriia’s husband, who is still awaiting his visa in the refugee camp in Germany.

“We were anticipating their arrival a lot. It was disappointing with how long it was taking and it is still disappointing with how long Naser’s paperwork is taking,” says Vance. “But then, without warning, we found out Valeriia and Jannat were on their way.”

At nine months pregnant, Valeriia arrived in Kelowna on New Years’ Eve with her two-year old daughter Jannat and gave birth only six days later to another daughter, Ayat.

“We weren’t sure what the rules were and what resources would be available to them when they landed,” says Elaine. “My friend Janice, who works with the Adoption Centre of British Columbia, which is part of

KCR Community Resources, helped connect me with teams at KCR and the Family Hub and even though it was over the holidays, they were able to give us the information and referrals we needed.”

“I came without money,” explains Valeriia. “We were not able to work while in the refugee camp in the last year. I came with two suitcases and my one daughter – and the one in my tummy – and that’s it.”

he connection between the two families is incredibly strong and both speak of the strength of their bond.

“We had just a miracle story,” says Valeriia, smiling. “Some things in your life you feel like are pre-arranged – although I wish I could meet my host family under different circumstances than a war – we perfectly match. We feel like we are family.”

“We are very blessed to have them here,” adds Elaine. “We feel like they were meant to be here with us. We have fallen in love with them and she with us. Before they even got here, we had accepted them into our home.”

“We had never done anything like this before, and in fact, in our old home we wouldn’t have been able to host someone,” shares Elaine.

“I had thought about it at the time when the Syrian families were coming, but we didn’t have the room. Now we have the extra bedroom and bathroom, and it’s perfect. We did it with the intention of hopefully pairing with a family who wanted to blend together, and we have. We live as a family together.”

While there is still a lot of uncertainty in the next steps and planning for the future has stalled with Naser’s visa not yet having been issued, Elaine and Vance are content to have Valeriia and her girls stay with them indefinitely.

“For us personally we would love them to stay forever. It feels like they have always been here. they don’t feel like strangers and we go about our day to day and this is just our normal. there is no rush for us. We want Naser here to include him in our lovely little family.”

“When Valeriia worries about being a burden, Vance tells her the truth: ‘You enrich our lives,’ says Elaine. “We have gained a lot more than we have given. We have learned about a different culture. We have added to our family. they are not taking anything from us, but allowing us to do something bigger than ourselves.”

Whatever happens in the future, even if Valeriia and Naser and the girls move away, Elaine is confident they will remain a family. “No matter where they end up, we will always be in contact. Just like I do with my other family members who don’t live here,” states Elaine emphatically.

For anyone considering hosting a family, Elaine cautions that their decision to host required a lot of discussion and ongoing communications. “You can’t have expectations of people. You can’t expect that they will behave a certain way. We didn’t have preconceived expectations of Valeriia and Jannat, and have been able to get to know them as people.”

“And it has been so nice to watch a baby grow up here,” adds Vance laughing, and you know that baby Ayat has a special spot in his heart. “I didn’t know how fun it would be or how much it would bring joy to all of our lives.”

the deimling’s own children, daughter Morgan (10) and son Logan, (5), are as connected to Valeriia and the girls and have been active participants in building the larger family.

“Morgan was so excited about a family coming. She was afraid of the war, having seen it on the news, and liked being able to provide a safe place for them,” explains Elaine. “one of the things that we hope is that she learns about having a giving heart. to know that when someone needs something and you can help, you should.”

For anyone interested in hosting a family that is fleeing Ukraine, Cindy Fairs is the Housing Coordinator for Kelowna Stands with Ukraine (KSWU) and she can guide you through the process. Cindy is filled with a passion for meeting the needs of individuals and families fleeing war, pain and hardship and her primary role is helping to find temporary accommodations for displaced Ukrainians when they first arrive in the Central okanagan.

“We have already placed about 200 families which is the equivalent of 800 people,” states Cindy. “the need for hosts is essential as more people are arriving! Many of our hosts have hosted different families on an ongoing basis but we still need more.”

“We need more hosts, that is what we need most,” states Cindy emphatically. “Hosts may provide space for one month to six months, and in some cases even longer. We ask that hosts provide a safe home environment,

meals only for the first few days, and support to take them around to get their documents completed. We support hosts and the Ukrainians with mentorship and guidance so they are not left totally on their own.”

Cindy points out that language barriers are easily overcome and most hosts benefit from the opportunity. “the joy one receives from doing this is immeasurable.”

If you are interested in helping as a host contact Cindy at fairs58@gmail. com, If you prefer to help by volunteering in other ways, like helping with fundraisers, organizing KSWU initiatives, or being a mentor to help people settle, contact KSWU at 236-471-9922.

For Valeriia, the journey to Canada has had both joy and sorrows.

“After three months being here, I was ready to leave,” says Valeriia. “My husband has still not been able to get a visa and it is very hard to be here without him. However, then I went to the Family Hub and they showed me the many opportunities that were here and they opened for me many doors. My Settlement Worker has helped so much and I am in the Gateway program for employment. I am full of hope and I know what to do now. I have a direction. Now I have so much. I have friends, connections and opportunities.”

And she has family – a family that has been created by choice, forged through empathy and understanding and a desire to be there for each other.

17 Tips for Staying Cool

by Amelia Ellsworth

our beautiful, hot summers are one of the many reasons why people flock to the okanagan. As a local I sometimes forget how fortunate I am to live here. When it gets hot and muggy outside I find myself huddled inside not wanting to take advantage of the summer weather. Sometimes even grumbling about how uncomfortable it is. As a child I grew up here not even thinking much about the weather, as children do, and so not realizing what my parents were doing to keep the house cool during the summer. Now that I’m older I’m paying more attention.

It’s common place for people to walk into my parent’s home and say, with a surprised note in their voice, “you have air conditioning?” to which my parents reply, “no”. So how did my parents keep their house so cool during the summer? the following are a few tips that will help you keep your house cool during the hottest time of the year, and most of these tips do not involve spending money.

1. Insulation. I know that this one is costly, but it probably makes the biggest difference when it comes to keeping your house cool. A properly insulated house will always be cooler. My parents put a thick layer of insulation in their attic and it has made a huge difference. they also added a fan in their attic so they can keep the air moving which also helps to keep the house cool.

2. Keep the lights off. Light bulbs give off heat so if you can keep the lights off this will help keep your home cool.

3. Make a summer kitchen Not everyone can do this, but there are many ways to keep the heat out of your house. one way is to do all your cooking outside. BBQ more. Use a toaster oven or heating element outside instead of the stove in your kitchen. I even put my toaster, popcorn maker and air fryer outside.

Anything that heats up food, I use outside. If there’s some way you can keep all your cooking outside this will go a long way to keeping your house cool. one point of safety: Make sure to keep a timer set so that you do not forget about that pot you put on to boil. Some times we get distracted and you wouldn’t want to ruin supper, destroy a pot or cause a fire. So always set a timer. I use the timer on my phone.

4. Open your windows at night. I open my windows in the evening after it’s cooled off. I sleep with my interior doors open and a little fan blowing to move the air around. By morning my house is nice and cool so I close the windows for the day. If you find the nights particularly hot in your house, you can put a little fan in your bedroom. the fan will keep you cool during the night and the white noise it creates may help you get a better sleep.

5. Close the curtains. Every morning I close the curtains to keep the sunlight out of the house. Nothing heats up a house faster than direct sunlight. And check out your curtains. Are they light blocking curtains? If not, you might want to invest in some. they make a huge difference.

6. Find an alternative way to style your hair. do you use a blow dryer or curling iron every day? Both of these appliances produce heat. try drying your hair without heat. Just turn the heat setting off on your blow dryer. It might take two more minutes to dry but it will dry your hair. And why not experiment with other forms of curling your hair? Is there a way you can plan ahead to curling your hair with curlers which don’t use heat? And, as an added bonus, if you adopt both of these alternatives it might be better for the health of your hair.

7. Take a shower. Are you hot? Want to cool off? take a shower in the evening when you are at your hottest, instead of in the morning. this will help keep your bedding cleaner longer and may even help you get a better sleep at night.

8. Turn your furnace into a fan. My dad likes to turn his furnace into a fan drawing the cool air up from the basement and blowing it

into the house. It’s very effective for cooling the house down. What he does is flip a switch on his furnace to turn the heating element off. Next he takes off the front of his furnace to allow for more air circulation. then when he turns on his furnace, just the fan runs drawing the cool air from the basement and redistributing it throughout the house. It is worth noting that this may only be possible with older furnaces. Newer heating systems may not allow for this.

9. Drink your coffee cold. Yes. You heard me right. drink your coffee cold. I know what you’re thinking... no way! But consider this, even if it’s cold it still tastes like coffee and it is, in fact, still coffee and brings that caffeine jolt that you need. So why not drink it cold? You will feel cooler by drinking it cold than you would if drinking it hot. So why not start your day with a cold coffee? Call it a frappuccino and put some ice cubes in it. Now it’s a fancy coffee.

10. Shade your patio. If you have a patio attached to your house, putting up a roof over it will not only create a cooler, more usable area to enjoy, but it will help to keep the sun from shining directly into your windows and thus keep your home cooler. My parents built a roof over their back patio and it made an enormous difference as the sun shines on that area of their home during the hottest part of the day. If this is too costly you could consider an awning.

11. Put up sun blocking film. once I had a house in a new build where the sun beat on the house all day and there was no old growth trees. It became unbearably hot during the height of the summer. So I put some heat blocking film on the interior of my window and it worked great. It was not expensive, I was able to apply it myself and no one even knew that there was film on the windows. this is great for renters too as taking the film off is very easy and doesn’t damage the windows.

12. Eat uncooked food. there’s no real reason we need to eat hot food during the summer. Most vegetables can be eaten uncooked and they are even more tasty. I love zucchini raw, and fresh beans, and even yams. Yes, yams! Raw yams are delicious. Summer is the season when vegetables are ripening and they are always best when eaten fresh so why not try them raw. I eat most of my summer meals uncooked. Sometimes I just have potatoe salad for dinner. or I will roast a chicken and then eat my cooked chicken cold over the next few days. If you are adventurous, explore foods from other cultures and try a new dish like Poke. there’s lots of options. Go for it!

13. Wet a cloth. If you’re really feeling overheated, wet a piece of cloth (like a handkerchief) with cold water and wrap it around your neck. You can do this inside or outside. It’s an effective way to cool off quickly. Another handy item is an actual, old fashioned, hand held fan. My girlfriend carries one in her purse. this old piece of technology really works. trust me. When it’s hot outside and she brings her fan out of her purse, she is instantly a popular woman.

14. Make ice cream treats. Another quick way to cool off is to eat cold foods. this point is kind of the same as the cold coffee tip, but it has another benefit: it’s a fun summer activity you can do with your kids. Why not make ice cream together? Not only will they enjoy eating the ice cream when it’s done but they will have learned something new and you will have created a great memory. try new recipes like ice cream bars or Fudgsicles. there’s lots of options online.

15. Do laundry with no heat. this is an unusual idea but I don’t use heat during the summer when I do laundry. I wash my clothes with cold water and I don’t use the dryer. I hang my clothes to dry outside on a

clothesline. But even if you don’t have access to a clothesline, you can hang dry your clothes inside on wooden hangers, or over the shower bar, or on a drying rack, or lay your clothes to dry on soft furniture like your bed or sofa. As an added bonus, hang drying your clothes helps to ensure they don’t shrink and prolongs the life of your clothes.

16. Use a fan. I keep a couple fans in my house. one is used for general circulation of the air throughout the house. the other little one can be carried with me to whatever room I happen to be in at the time. If I find I’m hot, I just turn on the fan. It’s interesting to note that I don’t often have to do this as all the other tips in this list are very effective in keeping my house cool. So much so that people often walk in and say, “do you have an air conditioner?” to which I answer, “no”.

17. Go outside! this is not a tip to cool down your house but it will cool YoU down. It’s the summer. Go outside and enjoy the weather. of course take precautions so you don’t get a sunburn or heatstroke, but do go outside. Swimming in the lake is a great way to cool off. Sit in the shade, nap on a blanket on the grass and enjoy the summer breeze. Enjoy the heat. Let’s not forget that the summer heat is only here for a brief period of time and then things cool off quickly. So don’t let the heat keep you inside. Go outside. Create your own wind by going for a bike ride. Enjoy the summers in the okanagan. It’s a beautiful place to live.

Amelia ellsworth is a freelance writer who has grown up in the Okanagan in fact she was born right here in Kelowna. having spent most of her life in the Valley she enjoys the usual recreational activities such as hiking, gardening, boating and visiting wineries. She describes herself as sister, aunt, god parent, community member and well rounded human. Be the change you want to see.

sport and recreation opportunities for eVerYone

Grants are available for children and youth ages 3-18 to register for sport and recreation activities through West Kelowna KidSport and Jumpstart programs. These grants work to eliminate the financial barriers to sport and recreation participation in our community.

For more information, or to apply scan the QR code below or visit

www.westkelownacity.ca/everyoneplays

Navigate the return to Work Ten Tips to Help families

by YMCA

the initial switch to child care often presents a challenging adjustment period for families. though difficult, this introductory phase is temporary with everyone adjusting at their own pace. After working with many families throughout this transition, the YMCA has gathered the following ten tips to help make the return back to work a little easier for you and your family.

Set a positive tone • Children often reflect the mood of their parents. If you are nervous or emotional, they will likely pick up on it. Keep a positive outlook and calm demeanor to guide your child’s reaction. Children adapt quickly and it’s often more difficult on the parent. It is important to remember you will all settle into a new ‘normal’ soon enough.

Meal prep • It’s normal for children to feel overstimulated after a full day playing in a new setting. For the first while, they may be clingy for attention once you return home. Make freezer meals ahead of time and, as much as you can, use your crock pot and prep dinners the night before. Simplifying dinner time will allow for more quality time together to wind down and reconnect.

Manage expectations • If you expect to get out the door on time, have nutritious dinners on the table, arrive in an impeccable outfit, and avoid meltdowns every single day, you are likely setting yourself up for failure. Remember to go easy on yourself. It will take some time for the entire family to settle into this new flow of life, but you will get there.

Transition slowly • Ensure you give your child adequate time to adjust to his or her new environment and child care providers. It’s extremely helpful if you can spend some time at the facility with your child for the first few visits. From there, try to leave him or her for shorter ‘trial runs’ to gradually work up to eight-hour days. If possible, see if you can go back to work part-time for the first while, or start mid-week to further ease the transition.

Simplify your morning routine • Streamlining routines will allow for more bonding time as a family. Shower, make lunches, and lay out clothes the night before. After getting ready, put a housecoat over your clothes to avoid wearing your child’s breakfast to work. divide morning tasks among family members. See if child care providers will feed your child breakfast when they arrive.

Spend some time apart

• If your child is unaccustomed to being away from you, it’s best to gradually introduce small increments of time apart. Leave your child with a babysitter or go for a workout and leave him or her in child minding. this will help each of you adapt slowly while reassuring your child that you will always return.

Make a fun to-do list

• Besides the standard meal prep and child care shopping list, be sure to include fun bonding activities on your to-do list. Make time for activities you enjoy together, particularly those that will be hard to do once you’re back at work. Go swimming, enjoy story time at the library, go for a trip together, or participate in ‘mom and me’ classes that only take place during the week.

Prepare for sick days • When heading into child care for the first time, it’s inevitable your child will fall ill after exposure to new germs. Although good for their immune system, this can be difficult to plan around. Stock your medicine cabinet and look into immune-boosting foods and remedies. Make sure you are fully aware of the sick time your employer allows for. Share time off between parents and ensure you have backup care options.

Socialize your child

• Give your child the opportunity to adjust to interacting with other children outside of the home. Exposure to new places and faces at playdates, play centres, and community programs will help children foster independence, learn to play, and familiarize themselves with group settings.

Be greedy with your time together • Now is the time to focus on quality over quantity and be fully present with your child. Make weekends together count, decline social invitations, unplug more often, and ensure you have plenty of uninterrupted playtime together. don’t over-schedule your family, especially for the first while. one hour of engaging play together is better than four hours of distracted time in the same house.

It’s important to remember that most families go through this transition. If you are feeling guilty, look into the many benefits of child care. take comfort in the fact that the majority of child care providers are passionate about what they do and that Canada has many laws in place to ensure quality standards are met. Your child will eventually enjoy his or her time in child care. Remember that whether you stay at home, work full-time, or part-time, the love and bond shared between a child and parent is irreplaceable.

The YMCA is a trusted charity and the largest child care provider in Canada. Thanks to generous donors, the Y is able to offer financial assistance above and beyond government subsidy for families in need. All Y child care programs follow the YMCA Playing to Learn™ curriculum based on extensive research that children learn best through play. The curriculum is used across the country and audited on a national level, ensuring consistency and quality of staff, environment, and activities. The YMCA of the Southern interior BC’s child care division is growing, with four new centres set to open this year. Learn more at ymcasibc.ca/childcare.