Scrambled
written by Olivia Gormley
May 7, 2020 Second Draft
Made in Highland
INT. DR. BURKE’S OFFICE - 4 PM A doctor’s office that looks stuck in 1995. It’s confirmed by the flies accumulating in the light. Various posters tell us we’re in the Queen’s Hospital gynecology department. BRYAN BOSH (30) sits loosely holding the hand of his wife, his Italian complexion standing out against his the white of Grateful Dead tee shirt. Next to him is ALYSSA BOSH (29), his wife. Alyssa’s dresses simply: Old Navy jeans, brown hair in a quick ponytail, maybe some foundation. But at the same time she appears quietly rebellious, tattoos peeking through the sleeves of her grey crew neck. The two are clearly Queens born and bred. They sit facing DR. BURKE and the hilariously abstract painting behind his desk. Bryan taps his foot impatiently while Alyssa studies the artistic monstrosity. Is it a mother and child? Probably. Looks more like a shit stain. ALYSSA Interesting piece. DR. BURKE flashes a grin. DR. BURKE My wife did it. BRYAN Alyssa likes to illustrate. ALYSSA Mmm-hhmm. (then, to Bryan) But don’t think you’ll ever get anything quite like that from me, babe. BRYAN (to Alyssa) A guy can dream. The two smile a bit too wide. The doctor eyes them over. Are they making fun of his artwork? DOCTOR (handing papers to Bryan) Well you’ll just have to sign these first. BRYAN What are these?
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2. DR. BURKE A disclaimer. It’s typically a 99% success rate but since it is a trial we’ll need both your signatures. Bryan skims the disclaimer. Seems fine. Alyssa’s turn. ALYSSA That’s amazing. BRYAN And a helluva lot cheaper than IVF. DR. BURKE Until we get FDA approval. Once that happens, it’ll skyrocket. ALYSSA We’ve been trying to conceive for almost 4 years, so this is an amazing opportunity. Alyssa hands back the papers. DR. BURKE Well, the best of luck to both of you. Nurse Jackie will take you back. BRYAN shakes the doctor’s hand as we cut to: CLOSE UP of shot going into arm. All done.
NURSE (O.S.)
ALYSSA That’s it? NURSE Yup! Just take this, it’ll tell you everything you need to know. She hands Alyssa the pamphlet that is instantly passed to Bryan. He flips through it, the back flashing a big, bold Warning: DO NOT EAT FOR SIX HOURS AFTER YOUR ADMINISTERED DOSE. NURSE And if you conceive, more like when - please call the office. ALYSSA Perfect. Thank you so much!
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3. Bryan shakes the nurse’s hand. Thanks.
BRYAN
NURSE JACKIE The best of luck to you two! (then) Oh, and don’t eat for the next 6 hours. ALYSSA He’s in charge of dinner tonight so I can’t expect too much. As the nurse heads out Bryan whispers so only Alyssa can hear BRYAN (seductively) I’ve got something in mind. END SCENE INT. KITCHEN - 9:30 PM The two enliven the otherwise dingy, linoleum kitchen of their small Queens house. A portable stereo sits on top of their “pantry” - an Ikea bookshelf - and plays Metallica faintly. Alyssa sips a can of pilsner at the table while Bryan plates their mystery dinner. He finally sets down two plates - slightly burned scrambled eggs and over-buttered toast. BRYAN Here’s to hoping your eggs get scrambled soon. ALYSSA You’re funny. (tapping her watch) You think I’m good? BRYAN Close enough. ALYSSA (jokingly) On your word. She tries it. Good?
BRYAN
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4. ALYSSA (re: Empty beer) I’m gonna need one more to evaluate. Bryan is about to get up as GRANT, 28, their roommate, comes through and makes a beeline for the beer in the fridge. He’s wearing his UPS uniform, looking as if he just got in. Despite tattoos all over his skinny frame, he doesn’t come off as intimidating. More like a big teddy bear. BRYAN (to Grant) Hey man, toss me two. Grant tosses the two beers and cracks one of his own, raising it high. GRANT Cheers to a crazy Friday night, lovebirds. ALYSSA (re: beer in hand) Might not be able to soon. Alyssa makes a baby motion over her stomach while Grant plops himself down at the table. GRANT Oh shit, how’d that go today? ALYSSA (wondrously) It’s a 99% success rate. BRYAN (to Grant) That means you’re gonna be out of here in no time, buddy. GRANT And that means you two will finally be having as much sex as me. (then) This shit stain of a uniform is a MILF magnet in the village. Alyssa sarcastically rolls her eyes as Grant and Bryan laugh. Grant arises, grabs a bag of chips, and scurries off away. GRANT Netflix awaits. Don’t be too loud tonight.
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5. BRYAN Wouldn’t want to make you jealous like that. Grant flips the birds as he leaves, making the couple laugh. ALYSSA (as an afterthought) And no smoking inside! The two finish their breakfast for dinner in comfortable silence. Alyssa picks up the phamplet on the table, flipping through it absentmindedly. We should you know. be. Where a college
ALYSSA start thinking about it, What having a kid would they would stay in here, fund, even.
The comfortable silence becomes uncomfortable. BRYAN Speaking of, I wanted to talk to you about that. What?
ALYSSA
BRYAN Um. TIB isn’t doing that great. ALYSSA (teasingly) Just slap Hawaiian shirts on the cashiers. Bryan remains serious. She takes the hint. ALYSSA Shit. How not great? A beat. BRYAN Well. Might go bankrupt within the next 3 months. ALYSSA (urgently) But I thought you were updating the stores?
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6. BRYAN I try but every time I’ve got an idea, my dad shuts it down. (then) plus they just put in a Trader Joe’s on Esting Street. ALYSSA When were you gonna tell me this? Because I just got injected with some experimental fertility juice and now you’re telling me we might not have enough money to make it 3 fucking months? BRYAN Don’t worry, I’m looking around for jobs, won’t leave yet. I just don’t want to be there when the ship sinks. ALYSSA How would your dad feel about that? BRYAN It’s none of his business. ALYSSA It’s a family business, of course it is. You’re the accountant, who’s gonna look after the books? BRYAN There’s not gonna be books to keep, at this rate. ALYSSA (Picking up phamplet again) You’ve never worked anywhere else, Bry. What if you can’t find another job in time? How are we gonna support a child if this works? My paycheck isn’t enough. You know that. BRYAN Don’t worry, I’m not gonna leave until I find something else. I just can’t have my dad suffocating me anymore. ALYSSA I just might do it for him.
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7. Silence. Alyssa sips her beer. Bryan begins to smirk. BRYAN I’d like to see you try. ALYSSA This is NOT funny. BRYAN Relax, babe. We’ll figure it out. If not you can suffocate me, promise. ALYSSA As long as I can collect the life insurance. Bryan arises, puts their dishes in the sink. He then comes and hugs Alyssa from behind. BRYAN It’ll be ok. Let’s just forget about it tonight, yeah? Alyssa remains angry and resigned. Bryan begins to kiss her neck. He keeps going, she softens. Mission accomplished. BRYAN (whispering seducively) What can I do? ALYSSA Start telling me things, asshole? BRYAN I’ve got a better idea. He grabs her, wedding style, and barrels toward their bedroom. ALYSSA You’re ridiculous! We follow them until they slam the door on us. Outside, we hear sexy moans and groans. Louder. Then louder. Then loudest. Then - silence. Confused whispering. A gasp. Then, a woman’s scream. INT. BEDROOM
- MOMENTS LATER
Close up what looks like a chicken egg on a table. A naked Bryan and Alyssa glare down at it, looking like they’ve seen a ghost. Bryan starts breaks the silence but then Alyssa opens her mouth to scream and then yell -
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8. ALYSSA What the fuck? BRYAN I don’t. I don’t know. Shit. (then) Should we go to the hospital? ALYSSA (sarcastically) Yeah, we’ll just tell them an egg came out of my fucking vag! Silence. BRYAN Well...do you feel alright? ALYSSA Yeah, I guess. Bryan looks down at it, pokes it with his fingertip. ALYSSA Just, just do something with it! I think I’m gonna be sick. Ugh Bryan slaps on his bathrobe, grabs the egg, and runs into the kitchen. Where should it go? Think, think. Looks like it’s going in the trash until - A beat. Not anymore. Now he’s throwing the fridge open, tucking the “special” egg into the egg carton. It looks no different from its two companions. The fridge door’s slammed shut and Bryan’s running back to the bedroom. Grant intercepts Bryan in the living room as he runs back, a pack of Classic Raw rolling papers in one hand. GRANT (definitely high) What the fuck’s going on? BRYAN Nothing. Ya know, just some roleplay. GRANT Play quieter for fuck’s sake - All 5 boroughs can hear you, man. Got it.
BRYAN
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9. Bryan walks in, slams the door only to find a panicked Alyssa sitting on the edge of the bed. ALYSSA Do you think it was earlier? What? Dinner.
BRYAN ALYSSA
She grows increasingly anxious, borderline hyperventilating. The eggs!
ALYSSA
BRYAN Shh, shhh. Oh. Maybe. ALYSSA And they said not to eat. But. (GASP) Oh my god. Something clicks. It’s now full-blown panic. ALYSSA I’m a fucking chicken! BRYAN No you’re not! Listen to me. You need to calm down! Bryan gets his phone, clicks on some sort of meditation app. We hear a British man’s soothing voice BRYAN Listen to him! ALYSSA (borderline hyperventilating) It’s just that I can’t Listen!
BRYAN
That silences her. We’re left with the Brit’s voice: “...Feeling any sensations, any holdings, any tightness in the body as well as feeling into your mood...” After a while, the two finally lay back and surrender to the shit show. Maybe it was just a bad dream.
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10. ALYSSA (mumbling) Don’t tell Grant. A beat. They’re nearly asleep. BRYAN So you feel ok? MM-hmm
ALYSSA
BRYAN We’ll figure it out tomorrow. ALYSSA Not sure if i want to. END SCENE INT. BEDROOM - MORNING O.S. Crashing noise. Heavy thud. Alyssa and Bryan both shoot up, last night seemingly forgotten. ALYSSA Did you hear that? Yeah.
BRYAN
Bryan’s up. He grabs the TIB wine opener on the desk, his weapon of choice as he cracks the door. But it’s no robber. BRYAN (running towards him) Grant! INT. LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER Grant’s on the floor. He’s an ecstatic corpse, with a wide smile and closed, wrinkled eyes. BRYAN Oh my god! Grant, Grant can you hear me? ALYSSA (running out of the bedroom) Oh my God! Is he breathing?
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11. BRYAN How do I check? Alyssa checks his pulse instead. ALYSSA It’s not an OD. His pulse is normal, thank god. BRYAN How do you know that? ALYSSA You learn some things in foster. Why’s he smiling like that? BRYAN (re: Grant) What did you take, jackass? GRANT (mumbling) Goodnessssss. Alyssa and Bryan stare at each other. Uh-oh. BRYAN I’ll get him water. Bryan’s soon in the kitchen, glass trembling in his hands as he fills it. But out the corner of his eye, he sees a plate of terribly burned scrambled eggs - It’s Grant’s classic breakfast dish, clearly missing a few bites. CRASH. The glass breaks. Last night comes flooding back, and so does a bad, bad feeling. He throws open the fridge, checks the egg carton and...it’s gone. Now discarded on top of the trash. BRYAN (gasping as he runs back into the living room) Fuck. BRYAN (to Alyssa) He, he ate it. What?
ALYSSA
BRYAN The egg. (then) I put it in the fridge last night.
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12. ALYSSA (angry) The fridge? I said get rid of it, not save it for a fucking omelette! GRANT (barely audible) Shhh. BRYAN (now whispering) I didn’t know what to do. ALYSSA (quietly) And you think that’s what caused...this? BRYAN It’s a possibility, right? Alyssa nods her head in silent, resigned agreement. Help me.
ALYSSA
They heave Grant onto the couch as we cut to the clock on the wall, zooming in. The hands of the clock spin in double time, first one hour then two, and so on until 2 PM. Then, we zoom back out on the living room only to find the couple’s fallen asleep on the couch across from Grant’s still lifeless body. The two are contorted in some hilarious twister-esque position. Mmmmmm.
GRANT (V.O)
Grant’s awaking. This stirs Alyssa, who’s tapping Bryan awake. Look.
ALYSSA
Soon, Bryan and Alyssa are standing over Grant as he finally cracks his eyes open. He’s shielding his eyes from the afternoon light like he’s looked directly into the sun. GRANT (mumbled) Heyyyyy. ALYSSA What the hell happened to you?
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13. GRANT (still woozy) That was....angelic. I just - oh my god. Grant lays in complete and utter satisfaction, still grinning ear to ear. He’s calm like he’s just finished the best yoga class of his life. BRYAN (urgently) But what did you take? GRANT (with no hesitation) Whatever I ate this morning, it was that. I know it. BRYAN How can you know that? GRANT I just felt it, man. I can’t describe it. He lingers there, smiling as he thinks about it. GRANT When I took a bite, it was like...liquid gold dripping down my throat. (then, laughing) Damn, I sound crazy. Alyssa and Bryan stare at each other, sharing the same crazy thought. Bryan barrels into the kitchen, returning with the carton of eggs. BRYAN You ate these? (then) Answer me! GRANT Yeah. Yea. Calm down, dude. Bryan and Alyssa mirror a look of equal parts shock and awe. GRANT (confused) Am I still tripping? What’s going on?
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14. ALYSSA You’re sure it was the eggs, Grant? GRANT 100%. We’re gonna need more of that shit. ALYSSA (irritated) How can you say that right now? You were a corpse for 4 hours! GRANT Listen. I’ve tried Heroin, cocaine, weed, acid, even meth, that one time in Yonkers. It was an accident, but that’s besides the point. Nothing - NOTHING like that. Ever, ever, ever. BRYAN Tell us more. ALYSSA (exasperated) Seriously? (then) And Grant you tried Heroin? GRANT Why do you two care? (then) What’s going on? BRYAN (insistently) Just tell us. GRANT This was like...like...a mix between the best acid trip and the best crystal. But I...I don’t feel like...like... ALYSSA Like what? GRANT I feel like... BRYAN Spit it out!
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15. GRANT (wondrously) I feel fine. Grant says it like he’s just made a groundbreaking discovery. Yeah. So?
ALYSSA
GRANT (with conviction) No fucking way I should feel fine after a trip like that! I should be shitting my brains out on the bathroom floor right about now. The eureka moment hangs in the air until BRYAN What if we could get more? ALYSSA (shocked) What’d you just say? BRYAN Lys. Think about it. If it can be a drug...it can be sold. ALYSSA You’re talkin’ as crazy as him! BRYAN (growing excited) You said it yourself, kids are expensive. This could pay the bills. At least for a little bit, until I find a new job. A beat. ALYSSA (carefully) We could definitely use the money. Exactly.
BRYAN
GRANT Someone tell me what the fuck is going on! BRYAN What if we told you we could get (MORE)
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16. BRYAN (CONT’D) more of what you just took? More eggs? GRANT Wha - what? How? Bryan hesitates, looks at Alyssa for silent permission. ALYSSA Sex. We had sex last night and... [making a popping noise] an egg popped out. The one you ate. She mimics something popping out of her groin region. Grant’s thinking. GRANT So they weren’t expired? A shake of the head, nope. Suddenly, Grant’s burst out laughing. It goes on after it should stop, becoming borderline manic sounding. GRANT (still laughing) Well. I don’t care if it comes out of Mother Teresa’s asshole. Bryan’s right. We can sell this shit. We?
ALYSSA
GRANT I’ve got the connections in Manhattan and a delivery truck. Boom! The perfect traveling salesman. ALYSSA What if someone catches us? GRANT What, selling eggs? BRYAN It’s perfect. NO one will know. GRANT But I want 40%. Done.
BRYAN
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17. No. 25%
ALYSSA
GRANT I’ll take that. (finally sitting up) When can you crank more out? I’ve got a delivery tomorrow morning, if you can get me two by then. BRYAN Let’s hope we can even crank more out. Why two?
ALYSSA
GRANT One for sampling, my dear Alyssa. BRYAN Ok. Tomorrow then, if it works again, of course. GRANT You heard father goose. Let’s make some golden eggs. Wait.
BRYAN
He runs to the kitchen table, returning with Grant’s now mushy breakfast plate of scrambled eggs. BRYAN What do we do with this? Save it.
ALYSSA
Bryan goes to touch it but Alyssa swats his hand away almost instantaneously. BRYAN I’ll get tupperware. SHOT OF: The inside of the fridge, the tupperware container full of eggs being placed inside. Door shuts. SHOT OF: A beaming Bryan placing an egg in fridge at night, what we can assume to be the “special egg.” The door’s shut.
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18. SHOT OF: A content Alyssa’s placing another special egg in fridge and shutting the door. It’s still nighttime. SHOT OF: Grant, now in his UPS uniform, taking the two eggs out carefully. It’s now morning. He gives the eggs a kiss, shutting the door behind him. END SCENE INT. OFFICE - NOON Alyssa’s planted in a cubicle. Painfully uplifting posters cover the white walls of the cheerless office, saying things like THE MORE YOU GIVE, THE MORE YOU GET. Alyssa’s got an endless spreadsheet pulled up on her clunky computer, but has fallen asleep. Next to her we see a notebook full of elaborate doodles, pen practically still in her hand. Her drawings cover the cubicle walls. KNOCK, KNOCK - It’s TIFFANY, a short and stout lady with a big mouth and thick, warm Brooklyn accent. TIFFANY Hey you! I showed those drawings you gave me to my kids and they loved ‘um! ALYSSA (jolted awake) Wha - what (Then) Oh, Tiffany! That’s great! TIFFANY (glancing around) You gettin’ some beauty sleep over here? Be careful, you don’t want Bob catchin’ you asleep. ALYSSA (smirking) Just a long night, that’s all. TIFFANY (winking) Oh I see. You still tryna put a bun in the oven? I tell ya, you’ll regret ever wantin’ kids if yours turn out anythin’ like my little bastards.
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19. ALYSSA (sarcastically) What, you leave your husband in charge for too long? She playfully slaps Alyssa with the folder in her hands. TIFFANY You’re a hoot and a half, you know that, ‘Lys? Now promise me you’ll finish those numbers. And for Christtsake go down some caffeine before Bob cans your tired ass. ALYSSA I’d rather be fired than drink that shit coffee. TIFFANY (in mock exasperation) For the children, then! ALYSSA (mockingly) I don’t have any children, remember? TIFFANY You will soon, I’ve gotta feeling, and my gut neva lies. Pan to the office’s piece de resistance, an oversized sign on the wall that says: SAVE THE CHILDREN NON-PROFIT. SO NO CHILD GOES HUNGRY. END SCENE EXT. STREET IN QUEENS - 6 PM A tired yet content Alyssa emerges from the dumpy office onto the sunny, bustling street. On her walk to the subway she passes TIB grocery. Despite the flow on constant commuters and shouts to “watch it lady!”, she’s memorized by the store front. It’s got tacky sale signs plastered all over the windows, now what she knows to be desperate cries for help. Time to head home. She’s doodling on the subway when - a call from Bryan. BRYAN (V.O) Alyssa! Come home now!
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20. ALYSSA What’s up? BRYAN (V.O) Grant went and sold the [crackling] ALYSSA Did he sell them? Hello? The phone reads no connection. Once they reach her stop, Alyssa’s sprinting home only to find INT. LIVING ROOM
- 6 PM
Grant and Bryan popping a champagne bottle, the cork almost hitting Alyssa in the face as she enters. Wha -
ALYSSA
Bryan twirls Alyssa in the air. BRYAN ‘Lys, ’We did it! It fuckin’ worked! ALYSSA (her face lighting up) How much? GRANT 8 THOUSAND DOLLARS! ALYSSA What? How! GRANT (now rolling a joint) Told you I know people. BRYAN It’s a hit! People are already asking for more! ALYSSA Oh my God! Bryan throws the cash in the air and it showers down. It’s pure celebration. Alyssa tackles Bryan, the two thudding happily on the couch. Next to them, Grant alternates between puffs and chugs. Bryan soon arises, grabs the bottle from Grant, and hoists it into the air.
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21. BRYAN To Alyssa’s eggs! Alyssa takes it, chugs it. ALYSSA And a bright future ahead! MONTAGE - VARIOUS A.) Bedroom - The door slams shut. An egg’s then placed in kitchen fridge. We come to understand they’re making “special” eggs. B.) Bathroom - Alyssa tosses a pregnancy test into the trash. It’s negative. C.) Street in Manhattan - Grant in his UPS uniform, shaking hands with some swanky looking men. They hand him an envelope, presumably of cash. D.) Alyssa’s passes TIB on her way to work. It’s busier, now with no more sale signs. A.) Bedroom - The bedroom door slams shut again. An egg’s then placed in kitchen fridge. D.) BAR - Grant and Bryan cheersing with some ballers in a “$15 a cocktail” type of bar. Alyssa’s nowhere to be seen. E.) A LUXURIOUS ROOM WITH A SKYLINE VIEW OF MANHATTAN Scrambled eggs in some kind of expensive dish at an A-lister party. The room’s sultry, with plush couches and red mood lighting. We see people forking some egg onto crostini, taking a bite, and falling into a beauty sleep. It’s clearly intentional. F.) STREET IN QUEENS - Alyssa’s passes TIB again. It’s even busier, with a new coat of paint on the outside. G.) BATHROOM - Alyssa tosses a pregnancy test into the trash. It’s negative again. H.) BEDROOM - The door slams shut again. The egg now placed in a new safe inside the fridge, where we see there’s around 5 other eggs. I.) STREET IN QUEENS - Alyssa passes TIB again. It’s like a new business. They’re even updating the store front. The construction doesn’t stop people. J.) BATHROOM - Alyssa tosses a pregnancy test into the trash. It’s negative yet again. She sits on the toilet, head hung low in sadness.
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22. END SCENE INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON Bryan’s tallying some cash as he places it into a shoebox under the bed. Alyssa enters the room. She looks tired. ALYSSA TIB’s turned around quickly. BRYAN Awesome, right? ALYSSA You have anything to do with that? BRYAN Maybe a little. ALYSSA A little? Bry it looks like Ty Pennington fuckin’ rebuilt the place. (then) You don’t think people will get suspicious that it’s suddenly turned around? BRYAN Not with my bookkeeping. Dad never looks at the numbers, he’s just happy we’re “making money” for a change. ALYSSA But don’t you think this has all gone a little too far? BRYAN Nah. TIB’s finally back on its feet with the money I’m putting in. ALYSSA But it’s not real. BRYAN C’mon. My dad’s the happiest I’ve seen him in a while. Since mom died. ALYSSA Well what happens when this stops? The eggs?
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23. BRYAN Why would it? (then) Alyssa, we’re practically famous! ALYSSA What? What are you talking about? BRYAN With all the celebs, it’s getting huge. Yolk, they’re calling it. AListers want to know who we are. US, Alyssa! Like who?
ALYSSA
BRYAN (hushed and excited) Grant told me James Franco called him the other day. James FUCKING Franco! Asked if he had any “yolk” he was sellin’ for a party in SoHo. ALYSSA Holy shit. (then) What else he say? BRYAN Apparently one buys, they all split it and just like, pass the fuck out together. ALYSSA So an orgy with no sex? BRYAN Guess they leave that part to us. Bryan starts to kiss her, it’s mechanical, rehearsed. ALYSSA Can we just take a break tonight? I’m exhausted. BRYAN Tomorrow. Can’t keep Mr. Franco waiting. She mulls it over.
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24. ALYSSA (re: Eggs in the fridge) But what about the stock in the fridge? BRYAN It’s James Franco, baby. She ponders. Fine.
ALYSSA
But she’s not fine with it - that much is clear. END SCENE INT. ALYSSA’S CUBICLE - 3 PM Alyssa’s asleep at her desk - again. A man comes to talk to her wakes her up. BOB Alyssa, can I speak to you for a moment? Alyssa wakes up, wiping drool off her face.
Hey
ALYSSA (jolting awake)
(then) Bob, what’s up? BOB Come with me. INT. BOB’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER BOB We’ve given you multiple chances, but we’re gonna have to let you go, Alyssa. I’m sorry but we just can’t have an employee that’s asleep more than she’s awake. Alyssa’s resigned, almost too tired to react. ALYSSA Is that it?
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25. BOB Uh, yes. You can grab your things and head out. It’s been a pleasure working with you. ALYSSA Wish I could say the same, Bobby boy. She grabs her desk junk, throws it into her bag. Her illustrations that cover the cubicle walls are thrown in last. In the commotion, Tiffany heads over. TIFFANY (hushed) You alright, girl? ALYSSA Should have drank more’ve that shitty coffee. Tiffany gets what’s happening, doesn’t say anything. ALYSSA (shouting to all) I hope the children STARVE! Now everybody’s staring. Tiffany’s too bewildered to react. ALYSSA (while striding out) Love you though, Tiff! EXT. STREET IN QUEENS - MOMENTS LATER Alyssa makes a beeline for the bustling TIB grocery. She picks up a pint of vanilla but the check out line’s become too long for her patience right now. It’s out the door with no ice cream. Next, she plops herself in the charred grass of the park across the street just to fall asleep almost immediately. Her bag of office junk keeps her company. EXT. PARK - 9 PM O.S. Rapid Footsteps. She’s up. Someone’s running away - and with her bag. ALYSSA (running after thief) Hey you! Stop!
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26. The thief proves too fast in the darkness - how long was she out? Her phone’s still in her pocket, thank God. It’s 9:30 PM. 4 missed calls from Bryan. ALYSSA (to herself) Shit. A voicemail: BRYAN (V.O) Hey babe, Grant and I are gonna head out for drinks. Should be home before 9. Love you. A defeated Alyssa tromps towards the subway. At home Bryan’s nowhere to be found. In the fridge, expensive bottles of wine have replaced her drink of choice. Luckily there’s one pilsner left buried in the produce drawer. She draws in bed while waiting up but it’s no use. Her eyelids grow heavy... INT. BEDROOM -
4 AM
Bryan comes stumbling in - loud. Alyssa stumbles awake. BRYAN (slurring) Hey, babyyyy! ALYSSA (checking the clock) It’s 3 in the morning. Where the fuck were you? BRYAN Networkinggggg. Once undressing proves too difficult in his inebriated state, Bryan plops on the bed. Alyssa resists his sloppy attempts to kiss her. ALYSSA How much was that suit? BRYAN (ignoring her) Just a lil kissss for your hubby? ALYSSA I got fired.
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27. BRYAN Ayyy, that’s ok. Don’t worry. babyyy. We got sooo much money. Yeah. OK.
ALYSSA
BRYAN You barely made anything in that do-good shit hole. Now look at you! My little mother gooseee. He hugs Alyssa, laying on top of her like a drunk paperweight that’s now out cold. Finally, she pushes him off, staring at the ceiling. Between Alyssa’s muffled cries and Bryan’s snoring we’re left wondering - how did they get here? END SCENE INT. BEDROOM - 9 AM BRYAN Ughhh, god. He rolls to see Alyssa awake. She’s staring at the ceiling uneasily. The clocks reads 9:07 AM. BRYAN Don’t you have work, babe? A beat. No reply. ‘Lys?
BRYAN
ALYSSA (yelling) I got fired! Bryan’s silent. BRYAN Shit. I’m sorry. (then) What happened? ALYSSA (incriminatingly) I couldn’t stay awake at work. Silence. Bryan goes to hold her hand, but she pulls it away. He doesn’t try again.
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28. ALYSSA You got in pretty late last night, where were you? BRYAN Grant and I met up with some potential buyers. Went really well. ALYSSA (sarcastically) Great. BRYAN Hey, I’m sorry about work. ALYSSA (spitefully) Yeah, me too. (then) Do you realize that I’m just as much a part of this whole operation as you? BRYAN I know, I know. I’m sorry. ALYSSA So why are you treating me like I’m not? BRYAN I just - you wouldn’t like this part of it. Oh yeah?
ALYSSA
ALYSSA Yeah, ya know. All the sports talk, the girl talk, the ass kissing. ALYSSA Yeah, seems like an absolute drag judging by how you came in last night. BRYAN Look, if you want to be on the front lines. Fine. Done.
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29. ALYSSA Not even that, Bryan just loop me in every once in a while for Christ sake. BRYAN Ok Ok, I promise. (then) And I am sorry about last night. Let me make it up to you. ALYSSA How do you plan on doing that? BRYAN What if I told you I’ve got reservations at Il Palazzo tonight? ALYSSA That place in SoHo? You need reservations months in advance. BRYAN Not if you know the right people. ALYSSA You’re serious? BRYAN I’m tellin ya Alyssa, we’re in demand. Both of us. A beat. She mulls it over. ALYSSA On one condition. Yes?
BRYAN
ALYSSA (angrily) No ordering fucking eggs. Deal.
BRYAN
END SCENE
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30. INT. IL PALLAIZO - 9 PM The interior looks an Italian restaurant if Michelangelo were asked to design it - Crystal chandeliers, a dark, sultry interior with romanesque decorations. It’s unlike anything Alyssa’s ever seen. She gawks at the decor, the coat check, the valet. It’s clear she’s a newbie in this environment. Bryan, however, acts like he’s right at home, even slipping the hostess a 50 for a nicer table. WAITER Welcome to Il Palazzo. Our specials tonight... ALYSSA (to Bryan, re: The menu) Where are the prices? BRYAN When you eat here, you don’t need to know the prices. She nods. Bryan sees some men at the bar, extends a wave. How would he know anyone here? ALYSSA Who are they? BRYAN Some fellas I know. Gonna go say hello. I’ll be right back, I promise. Alyssa’s left alone, studying the probably Italian menu like a code to be cracked. It’s unsolvable. Chugging a glass of sparkling water proves much easier. A silver fox of a man approaches with a comfortable ease - he’s clearly used to hobnobbing around in places like this. We’ll come to know him at TOM REYNOLDS. TOM (looking back at Bryan) Well, well. If you’re Mr. Bryan’s wife, that must make you the famous mother goose. Alyssa nearly chokes on her designer water. People know that? TOM Are you all right? ALYSSA Yes, [cough] yes. Excuse me. I just didn’t realize I had fans.
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31. TOM Let me be the first to tell you you’re all everyone’s talking about. ALYSSA Everyone meaning who? TOM (chuckling) Everyone who can afford to piss away some money at places like this. He extends his hand and slides into Bryan’s now empty seat with out invitation. TOM Tom Reynolds. ALYSSA Alyssa Bosh. Now tell me, Tom Reynolds, what allows you to “piss away” money at places like this? You sell eggs too? TOM (laughing) I wish, I’m getting a bit sick of corporate life. No, I’m the head of Sony Music. ALYSSA As in...CEO? TOM Yes, that’s right Her reaction reflects equal parts surprise and embarrassment, feeling now like a hand-me-down tote, him a couture handbag. ALYSSA You know what they say: If you can’t be a musician, own them, right? Tom lets out a genuine laugh. TOM I prefer the job security. (then) So what do you do, then? ALYSSA Well, I’ve got the eggs, so -
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32. TOM No. I mean besides that. What do you like to do? Your passions! ALYSSA Oh, well...I love to illustrate in my spare time. Nothing too crazy. TOM Wow. Have I seen it anywhere? ALYSSA Unless you’ve been in my nightstand, no. (then) But I’d love to publish a children’s book one day. Just a pipe dream. TOM You heard of my wife? Tori Reynolds? ALYSSA Of course! Her work’s amazing. I love the spork series, just so... avant grade. TOM Well I’m sure she’d love to see your work. Maybe refer you to some publicists, even. ALYSSA What? No, I couldn’t. TOM You know, we’re actually having a gala next weekend, auctioning off some of her work for charity. We’d love if you and your husband could make it. ALYSSA I’d love that, although my husband isn’t much for fine arts - but you didn’t hear it from me. TOM Ah, my wife isn’t very into parties. (now whispering) But you didn’t hear it from me. (then) Here.
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33. He gets out a Sony business card, scribbles an address and time on it. TOM It’s here, next Friday. I’ll have you two put on the guest list. ALYSSA Wouldn’t miss it. TOM Great! Everyone’s been dying to meet you. ALYSSA (sarcastically) Well, tellum not to get their hopes up. Bryan begins to approach. Tom takes the cue and arises. TOM Well, until tomorrow. It was lovely to meet you. Bryan approaches, eyeing Tom as he walks away. BRYAN Who was that? ALYSSA THAT was the head of Sony music and WE were just invited to TORI REYNOLDS gala tomorrow night! Forreal?
BRYAN
ALYSSA (excitedly) Yes! He knew who I was! It’s at the plaza, can you believe that? BRYAN Baby, that’s amazing! Do you realize how much we can sell there? Alyssa’s excitement fades. ALYSSA No yolk tomorrow Bryan. I need a break from this madness. And no Grant, you hear me? It’s just us two.
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34. BRYAN Ughhh, ok. (then) Fine, fine fine, You’re right. You deserve it. We both do. Bryan flags a waiter, his working class habits peaking through. BRYAN A bottle of your finest champagne, sir! ALYSSA (to Bryan, whispering) What? Are you not gonna ask how much it costs? BRYAN Babe, if we’re gonna be famous we gotta act like it! ALYSSA If you’re paying. BRYAN (winking) Only with your help. INT. HOUSE LIVING ROOM - LATER Bryan and Alyssa stumble in the living home, clearly drunk from the “finest champagne.” They’re yelling Il Palazzo in faux Italian accents. Once they settle in... BRYAN Baby, let’s make some eggs. ALYSSA I’m tiredddd. BRYAN C’mon, baby, c’monn. He kisses her. She surprisingly kisses back. Alyssa shuts the bedroom door. We know what’s coming next. INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER BRYAN Where is it? ALYSSA I don’t know.
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35. BRYAN What do you mean you don’t know? ALYSSA I mean there wasn’t one. BRYAN Wha - what? How? He searches sheets and pillows like a madman. BRYAN How can’t there be one? ALYSSA Nothing came out. A beat. BRYAN Oh my God. Fuck Fuck. Bryan keeps searching and accidentally falls off the bed in his drunker stupor. ALYSSA You’re too drunk right now, stop. We’ll worry about it tomorrow. With a heavy sigh, Bryan heaves himself back into bed. Defeat. BRYAN This is not goodddd. Uhhhhh. Alyssa rubs Bryan’s head until he falls asleep. With him out cold she arises quietly, reaching for something between the headboard and her side of the mattress. When she’s safely tiptoed out of the room, she unfurls her fist - it’s the egg. Next she’s in the kitchen near the open window above the sink. Taking a last look at it, she tosses the egg out the window. We hear a quiet PLOP on the pavement in the narrow alley between the adjacent building. She turns and - there’s Grant, clearly just as shocked as she is. Shh.
ALYSSA
GRANT (intently whispering) What the fuck are you doing?
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36. I - I -
ALYSSA
Alyssa breaks down, sliding onto the floor. Quiet sobs erupt. Her view’s now Grant’s Scooby Doo slippers. He stands over her first awkwardly, then pitifully. He finally decides on a mix of the two as he slides onto the floor to pat her back. ALYSSA Don’t say anything. Please. END SCENE INT. BATHROOM 5 PM Alyssa’s staring into the bathroom mirror. Her green gown is a stark contrast to her worn-out face. The endlessly applied concealer can’t hide it: She’s exhausted. She heads into the bedroom where a tuxedo-clad Bryan sits on the edge of the bed. He’s in deep thought, anxiously wringing his hands. ALYSSA You almost ready to go? Yup.
BRYAN
ALYSSA (re: Egg) You’re still worried? BRYAN And you’re not? ALYSSA Bryan, we’ve got more than enough cash right now. Give it a rest. BRYAN Well...not that much. ALYSSA What the hell do you mean? BRYAN Between the new clothes and TIB, it’s just t ALYSSA (cutting him off) Stop. (MORE)
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37. ALYSSA (CONT’D) You know what, I changed my mind, don’t tell me. Not now. Bryan nods. BRYAN I’m just worried, that’s all. ALYSSA Well, stop worrying because I’m gonna call an Uber. He nods again. They head out into the living room where Grant’s watching the Joe Rogan podcast live stream. GRANT Wow, look at you two! ALYSSA Not too bad, right? She spins. ALYSSA (re: Dress) Got it on sale. GRANT Bet his tux wasn’t. BRYAN (shrugging) Gotta look the part. ALYSSA (checking her phone) It’s here, ready? BRYAN Hold down the fort, Grant. GRANT Only if you two have fun at prom. As they slide into the Uber BRYAN Shit, forgot my phone. Be right back. He bounds upstairs, and through the window we see Bryan and Grant talking, at first casually, but then more seriously. But soon he’s back in the car.
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38. BRYAN Got it. Let’s go. Alyssa puts her hand on Bryan’s. He smiles. INT. THE PLAZA HOTEL - LATER They emerge inside, and it’s magnificent. Alyssa’s dress is a sore thumb amongst a sea of designer gowns and couture dresses. BRYAN This is incredible. ALYSSA (self-consciously) Maybe I shouldn’t have gone with the sale rack. BRYAN (distractedly) You look great. Bryan waves to someone as Tom approaches. TOM Glad you two could make it. What do you think? ALYSSA I thought Il Palazzo was the best it could get, but I was wrong. TOM Just wait until you try the cocktails. Care to join me? ALYSSA Sure. I’m gonna hold off on the drinks though, my stomach’s not feeling to great. Bryan? BRYAN You go, ‘Lys. I’ll catch up later. Bryan goes off and chats, somehow knowing people here. Time passes as drinks are downed by everyone but Alyssa and celebrity after celebrity are introduced, including Tom’s gorgeous wife Kelly Reynolds. People bid small fortunes on her artwork. But now, everyone’s happily conversing.
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39. ALYSSA (to Tom) Excuse me, I’m going to see what my husband’s up to. She spots him at the bar with a 5 foot 10 swan of a women. Her gown was definitely not off the sale rack. The two are chatting with a bit too much ease. ALYSSA (putting her hand on Bryan’s shoulder) Hey babe, who’s this? BRYAN (clearly tipsy) Oh ‘Lys, hey. This is Selene. She just got back from the Off White fashion show. It was in the Himalayas, isn’t that cool? ALYSSA (spitefully) Hi, Selene. I’m his wife, Alyssa. SELENE (with some posh foreign accent) Nice to meet you. Selene and Bryan then continue talking as if Alyssa’s not there. She grows angry, storming off. Maybe Bryan will chase after her? Nope. Instead, it’s Tom that finds her next. TOM Alyssa! Your presence has been requested. Where at?
ALYSSA
TOM Wait till you see this. They head up the elevator. Where are they going? TOM (pushing open doors) Welcome to the penthouse. She thought the people downstairs were famous, but it’s nothing compared to the people up here. Her face reflects it. ALYSSA Oh my god.
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40. They shout at Alyssa like she’s an old friend: Egg girl! Mama Gooey! She the Yolk pimp, man! Is this real? She’s having fun! Tom keeps asking: Are you sure you don’t want a drink. Positive? He’s maybe having a bit too much fun. The two lounge on the velvet couch, Alyssa still sober. TOM (drunkenly) Where your husband? ALYSSA God knows where. TOM To tell you the truth, I’m not his biggest fan. ALYSSA Tonight I’m not either. TOM You’re not like him. (then) Can I show you something? Alyssa nods. She likes Tom. He’s now leading her down a hall. He opens the door to a dark bedroom so she can peek in. Inside, celebrities are scattered everywhere, all passed out with grins on their faces. It’s all too familiar. TOM They’re on yolk. It’s all you. Alyssa smile quickly fades. ALYSSA What? How’d they get that? TOM Your husband brought some. (then) Oh. You didn’t know? ALYSSA I told him not to. TOM I’m sorry. ALYSSA No, it’s not your fault. (then) That fucker.
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41. Tom closes the door and leans into Alyssa. But her mind’s now somewhere else. TOM (seductively) I bet we could do it. ALYSSA (distractedly) What? TOM Make some. ALYSSA What are you saying? TOM I’m saying that I’d treat you better than him. We could become legends. Richer than the Escobars! ALYSSA What? No, no. TOM If you realized how much money we could make, you would. He leans in as if to tell her a secret. TOM I saw him with that girl. ALYSSA Stop. I want to leave. Tom pins her against the wall. He’s kissing her forcefully. Stop!
ALYSSA
He keeps going until POW! Alyssa’s slapped him “that’s gonna leave a handprint” hard. TOM (seething in pain) YOU LITTLE BITCH! I’ll end you! She takes off, tramping over the bottom of her dress. He’s not chasing her, not after that slap. But he does yell:
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42. TOM (shouting down the hallway) Face it - Your husband only wants you for your magical cunt! It’s pure adrenaline for Alyssa. Down the hall. Out of the penthouse. Pound the elevator button. C’mon. C’mon. Finally, a ding. Into the elevator. Ground floor. The doors shut. As soon as she’s going down, sobs overtake her body. ALYSSA (muttering to herself) Keep it together! DING. Back downstairs. Three deep breaths, then out the elevator. Bryan, Bryan, where are you? There! Still with Selene. It doesn’t matter. She’s too scared to be jealous. ALYSSA Bryan! We need to leave! BRYAN (Hammered) Heyyy. Wasssupp? ALYSSA Something’s happened. Let’s go. BRYAN It’s just gettin’ good over hereeee! ALYSSA (yelling) Please! BRYAN Babe, calm down. Fuck you!
ALYSSA
Fighting is not an option, so instead it’s flight. She runs. Outside, the sobs let loose. Once as far from that hotel as humanly possible in those heels, Alyssa plops herself on the curb, sobbing. Some ask if she’s ok, but no one disturbs her it’s 5th Ave after all, nothing out of the ordinary. Once she’s able to function enough ALYSSA (pulling herself up) Taxi! She throws herself in, defeated. The driver’s a women, thank God.
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43. TAXI DRIVER You alright, hon? ALYSSA Not really. Where to?
TAXI DRIVER
ALYSSA 451 Oak St. They’re off, but Alyssa can’t stop crying - the ugly kind. Thankfully, the driver doesn’t ask. Finally, peace and quiet... TAXI DRIVER Rise n’ shine. They’d arrived in Queens an hour later. Alyssa awakes. Where’s her phone and wallet? Based on the now frantic scrambling, not in the taxi. TAXI DRIVER No chahge, honey. God knows you’ve had a worse night than me. ALYSSA You sure? Manhattan to Queens is a long way. I can just run inside and TAXI DRIVER No, no. Don’t sweat it. You go get some shut eye, now. ALYSSA (genuinely grateful) Thank you. TAXI DRIVER (winking) Us girls gotta stick togetha, right? Right.
ALYSSA
The spare key’s thankfully inside the ceramic Bigfoot on the deck. She’s too tired do anything besides plop on the couch and sleep. END SCENE
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44. INT. LIVING ROOM - 8 AM CREAKKKK. Bryan slides through the door, trying to be quiet. It’s not quiet enough. Alyssa’s a light sleeper. BRYAN (still in his suit) Didn’t think you’d be out here. Alyssa’s on her feet, pushing him into the wall. ALYSSA How fucking stupid do you think I am? What?
BRYAN
ALYSSA You sold last night? (then) Did you? BRYAN Yeah, I’m sorry. ALYSSA (yelling) You’re not sorry. You’re never sorry. BRYAN You just don’t kn ALYSSA You’re not sorry it’s 8 AM and you’re just coming home or that you PROMISED me you wouldn’t sell and you did or that you fucked that foreign bitch last night behind my back. What?
BRYAN
ALYSSA Maybe zip your pants next time, you dumb fuck. Bryan looks down. It’s the nail in the coffin. BRYAN Look, I’m sorry.
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45. ALYSSA Enough sorrys! Alyssa storms down the hallway but Bryan keeps yelling after her. BRYAN I know what you did! ALYSSA What I did? Tell me, what did I do? BRYAN Grant told me! You’re a fucking backstabber, throwing eggs away and lying about it right to my face. Alyssa turned around to reenter the battle. Now Bryan’s matched her anger. ALYSSA It was destroying us, what was I supposed to do? You don’t care about me, or your dad, or having a family. All you care about is money! BRYAN And all you care about is having children, always kids, kids, kids! But it doesn’t matter, Alyssa, when are you gonna realize? No amount of children can make up for the fact that your parents left you to rot on your own! ALYSSA Take that back! BRYAN Deny it all you want, but you know it’s true! ALYSSA So that’s how you wanna play? She takes off for the kitchen and opens the safe in the fridge. It’s got around 8 eggs. BRYAN What are you doing??
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CRACK, CRACK, CRACK. Alyssa’s throwing them on the floor.
46. BRYAN What the fuck! Stop, stop! ALYSSA (still throwing the eggs) I hate you! Bryan grabs her, but she’s ready, retaliating by shoving an egg into his mouth so hard it cracks open. His wide eyes tell us he knows what’s about to happen. Bryan grows weak. Eyes glaze over. A smile erupts. Then with a THUD, he hits the floor. Stillness. He’d been yolked. ALYSSA (getting up) Fuck you. She grabs some egg goop off the floor and storms into Grant’s room. He grumbles awake, but she’s too fast. GRANT What’s going on out t She shoves the yolk into his mouth. Ahhhh!
GRANT
ALYSSA Fuck you too. Grant’s out. Soon Alyssa’s in the bedroom closet. She’s got a suitcase and the shoebox of cash hidden under the bed. Soon it’s inside the suitcase along with some other essentials. Finally, she grabs Bryan’s phone and it’s full speed out the door. There’s message from an unknown number: Thanks for a good night. Probably Selene. Doesn’t matter now. She dials a number as she runs. RING. RING. Then V.O Hi, you’ve reached Save the Children, would you like to make a donation today? ALYSSA (urgently) Mallory! Can you connect me to Tiffany? It’s urgent. (then) No, it’s not reemployment... She continues as we CUT TO the trashcan in the bathroom. We zoom in and see a pregnancy test, now discarded. It’s POSITIVE.
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47. O.S. So what happened then? INT. DINER - MORNING ALYSSA (playfully) I started my new life with you. A laugh escapes the girl sitting across from an older Alyssa. She’ll come to be known as LINDA. They’ve got the same big brown eyes. The two sit in a neon-colored booth, breakfasts nearly finished. Alyssa’s got a fruit bowl, Linda’s has a nearly gone omelette. LINDA (jokingly) And what happened to your “husband?” ALYSSA (fantastically) I don’t know. But rumor has it he’s as terrible as the day I left him. Linda smirks, raising her eyebrows. LINDA (laughing) And that’s why you don’t like eggs? You could’ve just said you didn’t like them when I offered you a bite. ALYSSA Now what’s the fun in that? LINDA You’ve got a wild imagination mom. ALYSSA You’re just jealous. Alyssa picks up the specials menu in the napkin holder, superficially studying it. ALYSSA Want anything else? LINDA We’ve been here two hours! Let’s go.
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48. ALYSSA Alright, alright. This place was a good find, yeah? Linda nods and they head to the register. CASHIER It’s gonna be $13.49 today. ALYSSA Here you are. She forks over an Visa. The cashier lingers on it. CASHIER You’re Alyssa Peckter? As in the children’s author? Guilty.
ALYSSA
CASHIER My daughter loves your books! The illustrations are just amazing. ALYSSA Thank you so much. CASHIER She’s gonna be thrilled that I met you. (then) Oh, apologies, just sign this and you’re good to go. ALYSSA (signing the receipt) No problem. CASHIER Have a good day. You too.
ALYSSA
The two head out, the bell of the door clanging in their wake. CUT TO BLACK THE END
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