IT’S NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE

Decisions to delay motherhood are increasingly common and when we eventually decide to go for it we may come up against difficulties or even the fact that it is impossible. These are very hard experiences that many women go through alone. Knowing about this reality and about the available options can be a useful resource to bear in mind.

More and more women put off becoming mothers. Job instability and insecurity, obstacles to independence, problems in finding the right partner, and barriers to being a single Mum are just some of the underlying causes of this situation.

In other cases, women choose to invest in their careers and this requires time and dedication. Becoming a mother can be viewed as putting a career on hold or a setback to it. Of course, it could also be true that barriers such as these do not exist and the road to parenthood has been commenced before the age of thirty. However, problems such as polycystic ovarian syndrome, autoimmune disorders, azoospermia, impotence… have prevented it from occurring or made it very difficult.

Faced with the uncertainty surrounding fertility, we need to be familiar with the different terminology used in order to approach the situation with greater confidence and certainty. Sterility is the inability to conceive life and infertility is when life is conceived but does not end satisfactorily, with a loss of the pregnancy and the resulting perinatal bereavement. Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to carry a baby to term after previously giving birth. The suffering entailed in this case is underappreciated socially.

Not all couples can or want to be parents. Many take the decision after the age of thirty-five or forty but encounter greater difficulties. Age is a factor that can make becoming pregnant difficult and increases the risk of complications during pregnancy (high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, preeclampsia…), as well as chromosome alterations and miscarriages.

For these reasons, women who wish to delay motherhood are increasingly encouraged to preserve their eggs before the age of thirty-five, in which case they will probably need to use a private reproduction clinic. The Spanish Health Service only covers specific cases, such as young women who undergo chemotherapy and will experience early menopause or those suffering from certain conditions that require fertility preservation.

- factors preventing conception and gestation. By modifying contributing factors such as obesity, sedentarism, alcohol and tobacco use, poor eating habits, lack of micronutrients etc, we can improve our fertility.

By way of example, smoking is associated with 13% of cases of sterility. Women smokers generally require twice the number of assisted reproduction attempts compared to non-smokers, they have more miscarriages, need more medication during the treatment process and obtain fewer and poorer oocytes.

Beyond the age of thirty-five and after six months of actively trying to become parents, we should consult an assisted reproduction specialist to have our individual case assessed and appropriate tests or treatments considered (insemination, ovary stimulation, in vitro fertilisation...).

The process is long and involves much uncertainty, with the woman’s body subjected to various hormone treatments that entail risk and malaise.

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One option that does exist under the health service is to donate your gametes to couples or single women who cannot conceive using their own eggs or sperm and require those of others in order to become parents.

There are other factors that condition parenthood and influence the quality and quantity of our eggs and sperm. The best thing to do is to arrange a pre-conception appointment to have all the aspects assessed and find out the best ways to achieve successful fertilisation.

Subfertility may exist, that is, achieving pregnancy is not possible due to

Psychological support is a very valuable resource during the process, as is being in contact with other couples and women who are going through the same process. In this way, we can feel understood and supported.

The above situations are a reality that is invisible socially yet is very much present in the daily lives of many people. Perhaps now you understand how uncomfortable it can be when someone asks “So, when will you have kids?”.

If you are currently going through this, make use of all available resources and remember that, even if you do not achieve your dream, you have done everything in your power.