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September 2018
Autism Expert You’re in charge
ADHD Help 5 tips from an M.D.
Medical Trauma 6 ways to cope Teacher Troubles Practical advice
Helping Families Live Healthy, Happy Lives • MEDICAL • DENTAL • BEHAVIORAL HEALTH • CARE FOR HER
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90 Years of Trust, Family & Community From a little hospital on the hill to a state of the art, nationally-recognized medical center We’ve been together for almost a century. Thanks to your support, we have come a long way and we have elevated the care for so many generations in Mendocino County. Adventist Health Howard Memorial has become a modern healing environment where the best of technology and patient-centered design has come together to provide the very best patient experience for our friends and neighbors. A place where a culture of care has been fostered that focuses on people, and comfort and compassion is at the heart of your healing experience. Our commitment and passion to improve the health of our community is stronger than ever before. With your continued support, together, we can keep building a better, healthier community for generations to come.
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September 2018
Every Issue 6
Dear Reader
8
Bits and Pieces Making a Splash Help Fire Victims
10 Don’t Skip Class A message from the Ukiah Unified School District.
Calling All Deadheads Drum & Draw
10 Agree to Disagree When your parenting choices differ from your partner’s.
12 You’re the Expert
8
Big Band Sound
Cider Central
Features 7
All Aboard!
22
22 Calendar of Events Pear Joy
30 Humor Sleeping Like Hillbillies
A dad of a child with autism empowers himself.
14 A Fresh Look at ADHD Perspective-shifting advice from an M.D.
16 Managing Medical Trauma Practical ways to cope.
18 My Teacher Hates Me! What to do when kids clash with their instructors.
20 Post-Divorce Parenting Key strategies for raising kids with your ex.
4 MendoLakeFamilyLife
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September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
MENDOCINO
CIDER FEST & APPLE SHOW Saturday, Sept 15, Noon–4 Sunday, Sept 16, Noon–4 At the Mendocino County Fair & Apple Show
www.mendocountyfair.com www.mendolakefamilylife.com
September 2018
MendoLakeFamilyLife 5
Dear Reader
F
amilies with children with special needs face many challenges. It can be overwhelming Sharon Gowan Publisher/Editor just to learn your Sharon@family-life.us child’s diagnosis. It was for Kevin Howard. In “You’re the Expert” (page 12) he talks about how helpless he felt when he found out his child had autism—and what he did to gain back a sense of control. Meanwhile, psychiatrist Edward Hallowell says that one of the best ways to feel empowered is to shift your perspective and see the positive side of your child’s
behavior. He shows you how in “A Fresh Look at ADHD” (page 14). Even if Mom and Dad are doing their best to keep their spirits up, raising a child with special needs can be hard on a marriage. In “Agree to Disagree” (page 10) child psychologist Lynn Adams offers what works for her and her husband. No matter what difficulties you face, we at Mendo Lake Family Life honor your strength and hope this issue helps you not just to cope, but thrive.
Office Manager Patricia Ramos patty@family-life.us
Business Marketing Renee Nutcher renee@family-life.us Warren Kaufman warren@family-life.us
Features Editor Melissa Chianta melissa@family-life.us
Production Manager Donna Bogener production@family-life.us
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Natalie Bruzon natalie@family-life.us
Contributing Writers Lynn Adams Edward M. Hallowell Holly Hester Kevin Howard Malia Jacobson Christina Katz Kerrie McLoughlin Chad Morris
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Publishing Office P.O. Box 351 Philo, CA 95466 (707) 586-9562
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September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
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TS
Don’t Skip Class Missing School Is Missing Out By Jendi Coursey
A
s adults, it’s hard to remember all the stresses of growing up—learning how to get along with classmates, wanting to be accepted for who you are, trying to understand new academic subjects, and dealing with family dynamics that aren’t always easy or straightforward. Falling behind in school can make life even harder: It lowers self-esteem and can become a negative reinforcing cycle. At Ukiah Unified School District and across the country, students who miss school just two or three days a month (excused absences or not) often struggle to keep up. Over time, missing school puts them at a terrible disadvantage socially and academically. The statistics are clear, missing school means missing out. Many parents of young schoolchildren—kindergarteners through second graders—mistakenly believe that when their children miss school, it’s no big deal. The fact is, by third grade if children do not meet minimum reading standards, their chances of graduating from high school drop. By sixth grade, poor attendance, www.mendolakefamilylife.com
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misbehavior, and course failure can be used to identify 60 percent of kids who won’t graduate from high school, according to Attendance Works (attendanceworks.org). When a child misses a day of school, it takes about three days to catch up, putting him or her at an unfair disadvantage. Not only does the child fall behind, but teachers often must take time away from other students to help the absent student. Absenteeism hurts everyone. Consistency is the key to success in school. When possible, families should schedule vacations during school holidays, and work together to get kids to school on time every day. If students are sick, parents can refer to the insert “When Is Sick Too Sick for School?” to learn when to keep kids home from school. ¶ September 2018
SING • DANCE PLAY • LEARN! Classes in Fort Bragg, Caspar, & Mendocino (707) 964-6748 or MTMC@mcn.org
MendoLakeFamilyLife 7
Bits & Pieces
Making a Splash
ost of us have hung out at an airport long enough to see or be on planes as they take off and land. But watching a plane skim the surface of a lake is more unusual—unless you are at the Seaplane Splash In at Clear Lake. On September 8, 9 a.m.–5 p.m., spectators will gather at Natural High in Lakeport to see seaplanes cavort in the sky and land in the lake. Along with aerial demos, there will be a display of vintage military aircraft and model airplanes as well as industry and food vendors. Admission is $5; children 12 and under get in free. For more information, call the Lake County Chamber of Commerce at 263-5092. ¶
Russell Bishop
M
Clear Lake Seaplane Splash In
Help Fire Victims
S
ince 2012 wildfires have burned more than half of Lake County, according to a Los Angeles Times analysis. That’s an enormous loss, but the community keeps fighting back, raising money to help neighbors rebuild. The next fire benefit concert will feature Terrie Odabi, and the Funky Godfather, a James Brown tribute band. Get in the groove on September 15 at 7 p.m. at Soper Reese Theatre in Lakeport. Tickets are $15–$25 and may be purchased at soperreesetheatre.com. ¶
Terrie Odabi
All Aboard!
W
hen the logging industry was thriving in Mendocino County, steam engines were an important method of transportation. Today Roots of Motive Power acquires and restores these locomotives, and once a year, at the annual Roots of Motive Power Festival, revs them up. Bring the kids to see the machinery on September 8 and 9 at the Roots of Motive Power facility in Willits. At Recreation Grove Park across the street, the Early Day Gas Engine Society and Bill Rose’s Model A Tour will display their antique vehicles while whole pigs spin on a spit at a barbecue. The festival and car show are free while the barbecue will be available for purchase. Find out more at rootsofmotivepower.com. ¶
8 MendoLakeFamilyLife
Roseanne Wetzel
Big Band Sound
W
ay before Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber ruled the airwaves Benny Goodman and Tommy Dorsey were radio’s golden boys. Tap into that Big Band era at Kick Off Your Shoes!, a Ukiah Symphony concert featuring vocalists Pedro Rodelas and Roseanne Wetzel. The performance will be held on September 8 at 8 p.m. and September 9 at 2 p.m. at Mendocino College Center Theatre in Ukiah. Tickets are $25–$30 or free for children younger than 18 and may be purchased at ukiahsymphony.org. ¶
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
Joe Craven
Cider Central
Stuart Dahne
H
Calling All Deadheads
D
oes the name Jerry Garcia bring a smile to your face? Are you craving some local Deadhead fun? Turn your ears toward Joe Craven and the Sometimers, who will be performing their new cover album, Garcia Songbook, at the Hog Farm Family Celebration. The band will be opening for Poor Man’s Whiskey, which will continue the bow to musical greats with an entire set devoted to covering Paul Simon’s Graceland album. The weekend affair will also feature a film festival and crafts show as well as guided hikes, a creek-side herb walk, and games of croquet (played in costume, if you like). The good times roll September 28 and 29 at Black Oak Ranch in Laytonville. Tickets are $30–$150 and may be purchased at blackoakranch.com/hog-farm-celebration. ¶
ard cider has grown in popularity over the last several years. Find out why at the Grand Tastings at the Mendocino County Fair and Apple Show, where you can sample the top-placing ciders of the California Cider Competition. Talk to cider makers about what goes into a good batch of the hard stuff. And then check out the rest of the fair’s offerings, which include a rodeo, sheep dog trials, a classic car show, and apple and wine tastings. The fair will be held September 14–16, 9 a.m.–midnight, at the Mendocino County Fairgrounds in Boonville. Cider tastings will be held September 15 and 16, noon–4 p.m. Fair admission is $6–$10 (extra fee for cider and wine tastings); ages 6 and under get in free every day. On September 14 only, children ages 12 and under receive free admission. See mendocountyfair.com for details. ¶
Drum & Draw
O
ne of the challenges of homeschooling kids is finding extracurricular activities that encourage socialization. Middletown Art Center in Middletown offers a solution: all-ages art and drumming classes. Local percussionist Victor Hall will teach children rhythms on colorful drums while other instructors will offer classes in drawing, painting, collage, printmaking, sculpture, clay works, and more. The weekly 90-minute classes begin September 20 and are $15–$20 or $60–$65 for a series of four. Partial scholarships and work-trade options are available. See middletown artcenter.org for more information. ¶
www.mendolakefamilylife.com
Drumming at the Middletown Art Center
September 2018
MendoLakeFamilyLife 9
school nickname was “chicken legs,” and I still shriek anytime a ball comes my way. How did a boy who needs his little sister to tie his cleats end up on a team that doesn’t know he has autism? My husband, Bruce, gets the credit. Much of the time, we disagree when it comes to James. Sometimes even in front of James. Our marital disputes
Agree to Disagree No One Way to Raise a Quirky Kid
By Lynn Adams
M
ost parents know what I mean by “quirky”: kids with diagnoses like ADHD or autism, or learning disabilities, or difficult temperaments, or complicated early histories. Instead of using words like “mild” or “high-functioning,” I’ll say that these kids don’t necessarily need special schools. They can fit into the mainstream most of the time. My ten-year-old son is one of these quirky kids. He blends into the social landscape so well that being closeted is an option, at least in certain settings. James’ dread of everyday hassles (homework, substitute teachers, nail 10 MendoLakeFamilyLife
clipping, missing toys, traffic, eating at a restaurant) leads to lengthy tantrums that limit our family life. At the same time, James is a valued member of his little league flag football team. To put that in context, my high
Bruce wasn’t trying to make James “pass.” Rather, he thought the diagnosis irrelevant to football. are more like high school debates than barroom brawls. We each pick a side of a complicated issue, and we natter away until we wear each other out and one of us wins. Since I’m writing this, I get to go first. Closeting people makes their quirks seem shameful. What’s more, you notice the quirks when they stick out, not when they blend in. And that’s usually for some negative reason, like a loud voice or a loud outfit. I have other motives beyond supporting my own son, having worked for 10 years as a clinical psychologist before having him. Public understanding of individual differences lags behind even our meager professional understanding. Closeting makes it worse. I’d rather prevent a mishap by being up-front with the diagnosis, than blurt out the A-word to patch one up. Autism isn’t a tragedy. It’s a difference from the norm that’s
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
sometimes neutral or positive, sometimes negative. So, I thought we should share James’ diagnosis with his new football coach. Was this so different from sharing his evaluations and history with his new teacher every school year? Bruce thought so. “I think you’re making a big mistake, but go ahead,” Bruce said, eyes rolling. “If we don’t say the A-word, he’ll assume James is a brat. Or not very bright.” There you have them, my two worst fears. “It’s football,” Bruce said. “None of that matters.” Which was a low blow, since I’m an Eli Manning fan. Bruce wasn’t trying to make James “pass.” Rather, he thought the diagnosis irrelevant to football. So, why bring it up? Bruce won that argument. James’ team is called the Highlights. Before it became clear they were going to lose all their games, the
In my defense, most of my parenting mistakes come with the best of intentions. coach set up a weekly ritual. The boys circle around the MVP and cheer while he re-enacts his best play. Like a highlight reel.
he did a “dab,” stretching out both arms and nodding smugly toward an elbow. He followed that up with a grimacing, drawn-out Superman bodice-ripper. The rest of the team erupted into laughter. It was a great end to a tough game.
Autism isn’t a tragedy. It’s a difference from the norm that’s sometimes neutral or positive, sometimes negative. “Do you people realize how fabulous this is?” I wanted to bellow into the crowd. “James isn’t like these other kids! When he was little he didn’t even know what a ball was for!”
Thank goodness I have some self-control. As good as it feels to be applauded, it feels even better to be part of a team, week after week, not the “special” kid everyone’s going out of their way to include. Using the A-word would have robbed James of a rare, pure victory. In my defense, most of my parenting mistakes come with the best of intentions. As often as I’ve wished that Bruce would back me up, I’ve been glad that he doesn’t. Parents don’t always need to put up a united front. Each can play an opposite—but equally important— position when the job gets tricky. ¶ Lynn Adams writes about quirks of child development. Find her at lynnadamsphd.com.
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Guess who was the first MVP? Spry as you please, James stepped into the circle, re-created his jumping touchdown catch, and also the Cam Newton–style celebration he indulged himself in afterwards. First www.mendolakefamilylife.com
Apply online or in person! www.uusd.net For more information contact Lori Klee, 472-5042 September 2018
MendoLakeFamilyLife 11
You’re the Expert
Parenting a Child with Autism
By Kevin Howard
I
’ll never forget the first time I had the awful experience of having the wind knocked out of me. It happened during a junior high school football game back in 1975. I had just caught a pass and was on the verge of scoring my first touchdown when suddenly, out of nowhere, BOOM!—a burly defender hit me hard. Falling onto my back, I felt like my lungs were momentarily paralyzed as I struggled to breathe. I lay on the ground, staring into the vast blue sky, feeling helpless and afraid. When I finally caught my breath and was on my way back to the bench, I had the realization that I never saw my opponent coming. It wouldn’t be the last time I found myself blindsided by an unexpected jolt.
Almost 30 years later, my oldest child was about to turn 3 years old when the words of his doctor once again left me momentarily breathless: “Mr. Howard, your son has autism.” Like that 13-year-old on the football field, I felt helpless and afraid. A great sense of powerlessness came over me. After that day, what was once a very natural father-son relationship became awkward and uneasy. I was no longer parenting my child; I was parenting my child with autism. I had no idea what to do. Once again, I found myself staring into that vast blue sky. I began replaying every interaction I had had with my son and questioned 12 MendoLakeFamilyLife
every interaction moving forward. I wondered if I somehow contributed to his condition. Was his diagnosis somehow my fault? Had I done
No one has a better relationship with my son than I do; no one has spent more time with him than I have. something wrong? Could I have done something differently? What should I do now? What should I avoid doing now? How should I handle my son in the future? These
questions constantly raced through my mind. As a first-time father, I was already unsure of my parenting skills, and this new challenge exacerbated my uncertainties. I was now fearful to make parental decisions on my own. I became fully dependent on teachers, therapists, doctors, and other professionals to guide me. I felt as though my relationship with my child was frozen. But that was all about to change. About five months after my son’s diagnosis, I took him to see a highly regarded pediatric psychiatrist. After a five-minute examination, the doctor
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
Closed during the Fair
RE-OPENS FRIDAY SEPT 7 handed me four prescriptions for four different medications. Feeling a bit anxious about the speed at which the doctor had reached his conclusions, I felt the need to question his analysis. He explained that the behaviors he
Things did not become easier once I regained my confidence, but I definitely felt more in control. observed are very common and that the medications would help regulate those behaviors. Concerned about possible side effects, I asked the doctor if it was really necessary for my son to take so many pills. “You don’t have to give him any of them,” he said. “You can give him what you want. You’re the boss.” It was then that I experienced an epiphany. He was right. It was my choice; as the parent, I was in charge. My parental confidence began to return. I realized that the professionals were experts on autism, but I was the true expert on my son. No one has a better relationship with him than I do; no one has spent more time with him than I have. I began partnering with the experts rather than relying on them to take over my role. Things did not become easier once I regained my confidence, but I definitely felt more in control. My relationship with my son began to normalize. I wasn’t raising a child with autism anymore; I was just raising my son. Seeing him in this light helped me better understand his needs and make decisions that would support his success. As of www.mendolakefamilylife.com
today, I have effectively managed my son through seven different schools, more than 18 therapists, and many diets—too many to mention. I am currently in the process of navigating his transition into high school. I am happy to report that this latest challenge is going quite well. During the first Parent Teacher Organization (PTO) meeting of the school year, each parent was asked to stand and introduce her or himself. The first parent shared the story of her and her daughter’s journey, from the initial diagnosis of autism to her transition into high school. The next parent did likewise. I listened to one story after another and soon realized that they each mirrored my own. I
I began partnering with the experts rather than relying on them to take over my role. now know that I am not alone. We all started off feeling the same way, as if we just had had the wind knocked out of us. We felt breathless, frightened, and helpless in our roles as parents. Just as I had had my epiphany, at some point all of these parents recognized that they were the real experts on their own children. Eventually, like me, they all reassumed their proper role of being in charge. And, they realize, as I do, that the journey is not over. We all stand strong as we continue to fiercely advocate for our kids. ¶ Kevin Howard, M.Ed., is the creator and co-author of The Kooky Adventures of My Friend Kookabuk and other children’s books about autism. Find out more at kookabuk.com.
September 2018
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what s/he can’t do. When you believe in your child, it makes it easier for him/her to believe, too. 2. Love unconditionally. Let your love for your child carry the day. Tune out the diagnosticians and labelers and simply notice and nourish the spirit of your child for who s/he is. Providing
Remind yourself and your child of the positive sides of the negative symptoms associated with ADD.
A Fresh Look at ADHD 5 Ways to Maintain a Positive Attitude By Edward M. Hallowell
I
have ADHD. My daughter and one of my sons have ADHD. I think that people with ADHD represent some of the most fascinating, fun, and fulfilling of all the people I meet. However, words such as structure, supervision, reminders, and persistence don’t even begin to describe the magnitude of the task people with ADHD have to tackle every day, especially kids.
Children need their parents to understand their difficulties and teach them to overcome those challenges. As parents, the best way to help your child is to start by changing your own thinking about ADHD.
invariably have a special something, a spark, a delightful quirk—which they sometimes try to hide, but which I usually can find. Then they relax, brighten up, and make me laugh and learn.
Steps for Parents to Change Your Perspective
Look for that special something and help your child feel good about who s/ he is. Identify his/her talents, strengths, interests, and dreams. Teach him/her to see and believe in what s/he can do, and avoid the tendency to focus on
1. Look for that special spark. In my daily practice, I see and treat kids with ADHD. Just being with them usually makes me smile. They 14 MendoLakeFamilyLife
this unshakable base of support will set the tone for all interactions to come. This is what builds self-esteem, confidence, and motivation, which in turn create joy and success in life. Several studies suggest that loving acceptance by parents is the most important thing teens with ADHD need in dealing with symptoms. Make sure that your child knows, every day, how much you love her. Showing your love and affection will buoy your child’s sense of hope and help the family weather criticism from outside sources. This is what these kids need more than anything else: love that never gives up. 3. Reframe challenges in terms of mirror traits. Remind yourself and your child of the positive sides of the negative symptoms associated with ADD (see box). By recognizing the mirror traits, you avoid the ravages of shame and fear. 4. Avoid toxic worry. Worry gets extremely toxic when you worry alone. Talk to someone. Join support groups. Tell trusted others about what you’re
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
up against. Build a team. You cannot do it alone, nor should you try.
and enjoy the ridiculousness of the situation in the moment.
Worry is usually based on wrong information or lack of information. Get the facts. Make a plan. If you have a plan, you automatically feel more in control and less worried. It doesn’t matter if the plan fails, just make a new plan. Life is all about revising plans. Just always have a plan to deal
When our kids begin to laugh at themselves, and not take themselves quite so seriously, it allows them to learn humility without shame, and adds to their moral character and their enjoyment of life.
Tune out the diagnosticians and labelers and simply notice and nourish the spirit of your child for who s/he is.
As a parent, how you approach your child’s ADHD will set the tone for how your child manages it him or herself. When you show them compassion and understanding, you teach them to love themselves and see their strengths. That will help them find the motivation they need to take control of their ADHD, one strategy at a time. ¶
with the problem. Stay out of the passive position. Toxic worry feasts on people in passive mode.
Adapted from Superparenting for ADD: An Innovative Approach to Raising Your Distracted Child, by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and Peter S. Jensen, M.D. (Ballantine, 2008).
5. Surround yourself with laughter. Laughter is the best medicine. Surround yourself with people who can laugh. It is important to be able to regain a perspective that allows you to see the humor in all of the messes and fixes these kids can get into. Why wait to look back on something and laugh at it—go ahead
Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., is a leading authority in the field of ADHD and a New York Times bestselling author of 20 books, including his latest, a memoir, Because I Come from a Crazy Family: The Making of a Psychiatrist. He is also the founder of the Hallowell Center San Francisco: 415-967-0061, info@ hallowellsfo.com, hallowellsfo.com. Also see drhallowell.com.
Negative Trait Positive Trait Associated with ADD Associated with ADD Hyperactive, restless . . . . . . . . Energetic Intrusive. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Eager Can’t stay on point . . . . . . . . . . Sees connections others don’t Forgetful. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Gets totally into what s/he is doing Disorganized . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Spontaneous Stubborn . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Persistent, won’t give up Inconsistent. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Shows flashes of brilliance Moody. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sensitive Impulsive . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Creative www.mendolakefamilylife.com
September 2018
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much on them either. We spoke a lot about the advantages, and we spoke optimistically. That showed Maddie respect and allowed her the chance to be brave. Of course, you have to keep a child’s age and maturity in mind when talking to them, but I believe being upfront allowed us to tackle the tough situation together as a family.
Managing Medical Trauma From Helpless to Empowered
By Chad Morris
S
“
he has a brain tumor.” I hated those words. My sweet, never-hurt-anyone’s-feelings-on-purpose (except maybe her brothers’) daughter had a tumor in her head. That was why she tripped more than usual and her hand rested in strange positions. And if we didn’t go in for neurosurgery, her movement, her sight, and her mind would all decline.
Worst day of my life. But back up. My worst day? What about my daughter? She was the one with the tumor. How did she feel? How do you help a girl who just found out doctors would be messing around inside her head? Frankly, I didn’t know. In hindsight, my wife and I didn’t do everything right, 16 MendoLakeFamilyLife
but we did a few things that really helped. Here’s my advice: 1. Be up front but optimistic. Our doctor was respectful and honest about Maddie’s situation, and we followed his lead. When we talked to Maddie, we didn’t dance around the possible dangers of the tumor and the surgery, but we didn’t focus too
2. Gratitude can go a long way. Despite all the nervousness, we tried to list what we could be grateful for: good doctors, including one of the best neurosurgeons in the world; nice nurses; fantastic medical equipment; a lot of people loving, supporting, and praying for
We couldn’t just wish the tumor away. But we could put Maddie in charge of some decisions. Maddie; decent French fries in the hospital cafeteria; all the slushies Maddie wanted. The list went on. It may sound formulaic or even cheesy, but it helped. We had a lot going for us. And we realized that if we lived in a different time, the tumor would have gradually taken Maddie. We became grateful for even having a good chance to beat it. 3. Ask how they feel. My daughter wasn’t terrified in all the same ways I was. And if I just assumed we were experiencing the same thoughts and feelings, I don’t think I would have been as helpful. For example, one of her worries was that she wouldn’t recover in time to really enjoy Christmas. That wasn’t even on my radar. Giving her a
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
chance to talk helped me know what she was worried about. 4. Give them some control. One of the worst parts about a lot of stressful situations is that so much of what is happening may be out of your control. A child can’t keep their parents from divorcing. A second grader can’t control a bully. We couldn’t just wish the tumor away. But we could put Maddie in charge of some decisions. She decided to keep going to school the weeks before surgery so that life felt normal, but she wanted a few weekend trips to help keep her distracted. She decided to let others know about her tumor so that they could support and pray for her, but she wanted us to tell them. And we asked her what else we could do to
help. Sometimes she just wanted a hug or for my wife to lay on her bed with her while she fell asleep. Sometimes
Despite all the nervousness, we tried to list what we could be grateful for. she didn’t know what to say, so my wife and I would give suggestions and she would pick one. 5. Laugh. A good laugh can make anything a little better. Allow yourself a break, and try your best not to feel guilty about it. To this day, we have great memories of jokes, treats, and enjoyable conversations we had during the worst time of our lives.
6. Let others help. I realize we don’t want to tell everyone about every stressful experience we have, but if it’s appropriate, telling others we know and trust allows them to help. And the more stressful the situation, the more help we need. Maddie was okay with us letting others know; and they came through in a big way: gifts, tending Maddie’s brothers, visits, restaurant food delivered to the hospital, and hundreds of supportive messages to our girl. And there was a lot more. Accepting the help was difficult at first, but the overwhelming amount of support made all the difference. ¶ Chad Morris is a teacher, curriculum writer, and author of Mustaches for Maddie (Shadow Mountain, 2017).
Join Us for Back to School Night this Fall!
Parents Count
You can have a voice in your child’s education Here’s how:
• Attend monthly School Site Council Meetings. • Support your school Parent/Teacher Association. • Volunteer for school and/or classroom activities.
Meet Your Child’s Teachers
• Attend Back to School Night in the fall and Open House in the spring. • Visit the district’s website (www.uusd.net) and like us on Facebook to stay informed.
UKIAH UNIFIED SCHOOL DISTRICT
511 S. ORCHARD AVE., UKIAH • 707-472-5000
www.mendolakefamilylife.com
September 2018
MendoLakeFamilyLife 17
My Teacher Hates Me!
Most schools welcome parents to observe a child’s classroom in action, particularly when a concern arises. But beware: a short classroom observation doesn’t present a true picture of an entire instructional day,
Sometimes, there’s more to the “mean teacher” situation than meets the eye. and a parent’s presence can alter a child’s behavior. If complaints about a teacher persist, document your concerns and set up a conference with the teacher. Brainstorm a plan for addressing the problem areas, along with a plan for daily or weekly communication to monitor the situation, advises Addis.
Solving School Struggles By Malia Jacobson
GRADE-SCHOOL YEARS 6–12
W
hen a child dislikes a teacher—or feels disliked by one—school becomes a daily struggle. Just ask Constance Zimmer. Her stepson Harrison, now a happy fourth grader, got off on the wrong foot with his first-grade teacher. “He felt picked on and singled out,” she recalls. “He began to act out in class and refused to participate in projects and assignments.” Fortunately, teacher-student traumas are often highly fixable. Read on for ways to smooth the bumps for a better school year. PRESCHOOL YEARS 3–5
Slow and Steady When a preschooler appears to dislike a teacher, longtime early childhood educator and co-author of Monday Morning Leadership for Kids Evelyn Addis warns parents 18 MendoLakeFamilyLife
against jumping the gun and hastily switching classes or schools. When a child first begins preschool, he or she may be responding negatively to the overwhelming experience of school rather than a specific teacher. “Allow a period of adjustment for your child in any new classroom setting,” says Addis. “It takes time for classes to come together as a group.”
Detective Duty When a grade-schooler complains about a super strict teacher, don’t impulsively jump to calling the principal or filing a complaint, says child and adolescent psychologist Kristen Wynns. Instead, go into detective mode: Gather information about the conflict in a log. After a few weeks of documenting the problem, request a meeting with the teacher to talk about solutions before you consider alternative options like changing teachers. Sometimes, there’s more to the “mean teacher” situation than meets the eye. Constance Zimmer’s stepson Harrison felt that his teacher was targeting him, but it turned out that he had undiagnosed attention deficit disorder. “Once the problem was
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
GIVE US A SHOUT!
treated, he made progress in leaps and bounds, and realized that it wasn’t a matter of the teacher not liking him, but his own perceptions about his lack of progress in school,” Zimmer says.
We want to know what you think. • What did you like in this issue? • What do you want to see more or less of? • Know a teacher, coach, or special person who makes local family life better? • Know of an upcoming event or fun family outing? • Want to write stories or recipes, or blog for Family Life?
TEEN YEARS 13–18 Obstacle Course Most teens will run into a teacher conflict at some point, says Wynns. “Any parent knows if you go to school long enough, it’s inevitable you’ll have that ‘really mean’ or demanding
e-mail melissa@family-life.us
Learn About Autism
When a grade-schooler complains about a super strict teacher, don’t impulsively jump to calling the principal or filing a complaint. teacher.” While those experiences aren’t always fun, they can teach teens valuable lessons about dealing with difficult people, she notes. After ensuring that the class in question isn’t too easy or too advanced for the teen’s academic abilities, Wynns advises parents to avoid automatically “rescuing” teens who find themselves in a tough spot with a teacher. When parents encourage teens to continue in the class instead of granting them the easy way out (like dropping the course), it conveys a strong message about the parent’s confidence in the teen, says Wynns. Teens who see that a parent believes they can handle a tricky situation will often rise to the occasion. ¶ Malia Jacobson’s most recent book is Sleep Tight, Every Night: Helping Toddlers & Preschoolers Sleep Well Without Tears, Tricks, or Tirades.
www.mendolakefamilylife.com
“Enlightening, touching, informative, brave...”
–Arden Hyatt, teacher
This Autistic Life
Presentations that Inform, Empower & Inspire! Learn about the joys & challenges of: • Living on the autistic spectrum. • Living with someone on the autistic spectrum. • Teaching children on the autistic spectrum. Hank Smith is a father, teacher, and author. Ian Smith is an amazing yo-yo player, juggler, and math wizard, who also happens to be autistic.
Sticks and Stones: A Father’s Journey Into Autism: The
realities of autism, but filled with love and humor. Available at www.thisautisticlife.com
This Autistic Life
Hank & Ian Smith in Person • FREE
SEPTEMBER 14 FORT BRAGG CENTER
1211 Del Mar Dr, Fort Bragg, Room: 114, 12–2PM
Hank Smith • 707-277-9317 • www.thisautisticlife.com September 2018
MendoLakeFamilyLife 19
Consistency Everyone has a different parenting style. Some may tend to be more laid-back while others might prefer to dole out more discipline. Find a way to meet in the middle and share a basic set of rules. Kids get confused (and tired and cranky!) if they are allowed to stay up until midnight at one home when bedtime is 9 at the other.
Post-Divorce Parenting
How to Peacefully Raise Children with Your Ex
By Kerrie McLoughlin
C
hris Schauer, father of one, says, “I may not like my ex sometimes, but we are responsible for raising the best person possible.” How do you make the best of co-parenting after divorce? Check out these five best practices to help raise emotionally healthy children.
Communication Deal directly with your ex via phone, text, or e-mail, and don’t use the kids as go-betweens. Consider an online sync-able calendar like Google Calendar so both of you can be apprised of birthday parties, sports events, sleepovers, health-care appointments, and even school project deadlines. Celebrations Shawne Pennington, mom of two sons, shares an idea 20 MendoLakeFamilyLife
that has worked for her family: There are no special arrangements made for kids’ birthdays. The usual schedule dictates which parent celebrates with the child. “The other parent celebrates either the week before or the week after. Major holidays we alternate so whoever has the actual holiday, the other has the kids the night before,” Pennington says.
Consideration Allow your kids to build a relationship with the other parent. Pennington says, “Every night whoever doesn’t have the boys calls around 9 p.m. to see how their day was and tell them goodnight.” Make sure you stick to rules to which you’ve
Aim for a professional, business-like relationship. both agreed. Don’t try to be the cool parent who lets the kids get away with bad behavior. And don’t tolerate your child disrespecting or saying negative things about the other parent. Kindness Put your differences aside and work together with the goal of raising healthy, well-adjusted kids who see marriage in a positive light. Aim for a professional, business-like relationship. Christina Thero, mom of two boys, says, “I’d rather sit next to my ex and cheer my boys on in their sports [events] than have more money and an inability to be in the same room together. When my boys ask why we got divorced, I tell them that it’s my and Daddy’s story, and when they are adults and have a better understanding about how relationships work, we can sit down and talk about it over coffee.” ¶ Kerrie McLoughlin is the seasoned mom of five. Check her out at TheKerrieShow.com.
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
Mendocino County Fair & Apple Show September 14-16, 2018
9 am to Midnight Daily • Boonville Fairgrounds
SHEEPDOG TRIALS • CIDER & APPLE TASTINGS WOOL & FIBER FESTIVAL & SHOW
STEREO CHICKENS LIVE
SATURDAY 15 AT 12:30, 3:30 & 6 PM
www.mendocountyfair.com www.mendolakefamilylife.com
September 2018
MendoLakeFamilyLife 21
September Calendar of Events
Pear Joy
G
rapes and wine are not the only stars of northern California agriculture. Pears share some of the limelight, too, especially during the Kelseyville Pear Festival. The annual homage to the fruit features all things pear—from pies to margaritas—as well as more than 130 craft and food vendors. Grab a treat and a glass of local wine and stroll through booths, visit the horse fair and antique tractor display, or take the kids to draw on the traveling mural. The Clearlake Clickers, a multi-generational tap-dance troupe, will provide entertainment along with “swamp rockers” Hot Roux and the blues and R&B band the Hip Replacements. The action happens on September 29 on Main Street in Kelseyville. A parade kicks off the day at 9:30 a.m. and festivities run until 4 p.m. See pearfestival.com for more information. ¶
Saturday 1 Lake County Fair. $8–$12. Ages 5 &
under: free. 11 a.m.–11 p.m. Thru Sept. 2. Lake County Fair. 401 Martin St., Lakeport. 263-6181. lakecountyfair.com. Blue Wing Blues Festival. Live
music & BBQ dinner. Kenny Neal Band & Rick Estrin & the Nightcats. $50. 6:15 p.m. Seating limited. Thru Sept. 3. Blue Wing Restaurant. 9520 Main St., Upper Lake. 275-2244. tallmanhotel.com. Instilling Goodness Elementary & Developing Virtue Secondary Schools Kindergarten to Twelfth Grade
Annual Fireman’s Ball. Chad
Bushnell Band. 21 years & older only. $10. Free rides home. No-host bar. 7 p.m.–midnight. Pentecost Hall. 822 Stewart St., Fort Bragg. 961-2831. paulbunyandays.com/ firemans-waterfight-and-ball. Beer, Bison & Bluegrass. Bison burgers with all the fixings, beer & cider tastings, live music (Mendocino Quartet & the Greenfields), games, raffle & silent auction. $30–$50. Noon–4 p.m. Our Lady of Good Counsel Hall. 605 Maple St., Fort Bragg. parentsandfriends.org. Becky’s New Car. A humorous & romantic play about one woman’s midlife crisis. $12–$25. Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays: 8 p.m. Sundays: 2 p.m. Thru Sept. 9. Helen Schoeni Theatre. 45200 Little Lake St., Mendocino. 937-4477. mendocinotheatre.tix.com. Claws for a Cause. Lobster, filet
“Education Is The Nation’s Best Defense.”
-Venerable Hsuan Hua, Founder Core Virtues • Inherent Wisdom • Academics • Global Leadership
www.igdvs.org 707.468.1138 (Boys) 707.468.3896 (Girls)
22 MendoLakeFamilyLife
mignon & Barra of Mendocino County wine, music & live auctions. $80. Benefit for Seabiscuit Therapeutic
Kelseyville Pear Festival
Riding Center. 5–9 p.m. Ridgewood Ranch. 16200 N. Hwy. 101, Willits. seabiscuitheritage.org. Flynn Creek Circus. A rurally
based, award-winning circus bringing international talent to the North Bay. $12–$50. Runs thru Sept. 3. Sept. 1*: 4 p.m. (*1/2 price kids w/adult purchase) & 7:30 p.m. (21+ only). Sept. 2: 4 & 7:30 p.m. Sept. 3: 2 p.m. 20300 Ocean View Dr., Fort Bragg. 684-9389. flynncreekcircus.com. Paul Bunyan Days. Kiddie games, craft fair, parade, logging show & contests, classic car show, fireman’s water fight, gem & mineral show & more. Thru Sept. 3. See website for schedule & event venues. Fort Bragg. paulbunyandays.com.
Sunday 2 FREE Community Flea Market.
Boats, cars, campers for sale. Hot dogs, snacks & drinks. 8 a.m.–3 p.m. (Moose Riders Breakfast: 8:30–11 a.m., $8). Moose Lodge. 15900
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
Hwy. 20, Clearlake. facebook.com/ mooselodge2284womenofthemoose. Harbor & Seafood Festival. Variety of seafood, beer, wine & nonalcoholic drinks, live music & games for kids. Free parking. Noon–6 p.m. Point Arena Pier. Point Arena. pointarena. net/point-arena-harbor-seafood-festival.
Friday 7 Granite Construction Chili Cook-Off.
Taste chili from local businesses & vote for your favorites. Proceeds benefit the Boys & Girls Club of Ukiah. $5–$10. Ages 5 & under: free. 6 p.m. Alex R. Thomas Jr. Plaza. 310 S. State St., Ukiah. ukiahbgc.org.
FREE Library Story Time. For
children of all ages. Fridays. 2:30–3:30 p.m. Lakeport Library. 1425 N. High St., Lakeport. 263-8817. library. lakecountyca.gov. FREE Family Movie Night. Meal deals: $1.50 ($6 max per family). Snack shop: 5:30 p.m. Movie: 6 p.m. Lucerne
Monday 3 FREE Yorkville Ice Cream Social & Book Sale. Root beer floats, ice cream, farm stand, bake sale, silent auction & raffles. Huge book sale. Yorkville Fire Station. 25400 Hwy. 128, Yorkville. visitmendocino.com. Lions Club Labor Day BBQ. Beef,
pork, goat & lamb. Veggie burgers & hot dogs available. Live music, silent auction & raffle prizes. $10–$15. Noon–4 p.m. Veteran’s Hall. 360 N. Harrison St., Fort Bragg. facebook. com/events/269646453814217.
Tuesday 4 FREE Mother-Wise Weekly Workshops. Tuesdays. 1–3 p.m. Mother-Wise. 180 N. Main St., Lakeport. Call and reserve your spot. 349-1210. facebook.com/ motherwiselakecounty.
Thursday 6 FREE Adventist Health Ukiah Valley Celebration. Tour the new
Emergency Department & Intensive Care Unit. Food, live music & more. 4:30–6:30 p.m. Ribbon-cutting ceremony: 5:15 p.m. Adventist Health Ukiah Valley. 275 Hospital Dr., Ukiah. adventisthealthukiahvalley.org.
Back-to-School Take the MTA Bus!
www.mendocinotransit.org or call (800) 696-4682 • (707) 462-1422 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
September 2018
MendoLakeFamilyLife 23
Community Church. 5870 E. Hwy. 20, Lucerne. 274-8326. Lake County Fashion Show. Support Middletown Art Center. Live music, food & art walk. Trashion show prep (kids make outfits): 5 p.m. Fashion Show: 6:30 p.m. Trashion Show: 7:15 p.m. Fashion Show encore: 8 p.m. Art walk: 6–9 p.m. Middletown Art Center. 21456 Hwy. 175, Middletown. middletownartcenter.org/index.html.
Saturday 8 An Evening in Grace’s Secret Garden. Dinner, music, live & silent
auctions. All proceeds benefit the museum. $85. 5–8 p.m. Grace Hudson Museum. 431 S. Main St., Ukiah. 467-2836. gracehudsonmuseum.org.
FREE Gardenpalooza. Community
FREE Roots of Motive Power Steam
potluck picnic, lawn games for all ages, children’s activities, jam session & local garden, farm & health organizations. Bring blankets & chairs. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Vinewood Park. 1240 N. Pine St., Ukiah. gardensproject.org.
Festival. A variety of 19th-century steam-powered equipment will be fired up. BBQ for purchase. Thru Sept. 9. 8 a.m.–5 p.m. Roots of Motive Power. 400 E. Commercial St., Willits. rootsofmotivepower.com.
Kick Off Your Shoes! Big Band Concert. Featuring vocalists Roseanne Wetzel & Pedro Rodelas. $25–$30. Ages 18 & under: free. Sept. 8: 8 p.m. Sept. 9: 2 p.m. Mendocino College Theatre. 1000 Hensley Creek Rd., Ukiah. 462-0236. ukiahsymphony.org.
Music on the Creek. Uncle Mike, Dave Hooper, Scott Serena & Angle of Repose & others. A benefit for the Anderson Marsh Interpretive Association. Bring lawn chairs. $25. Noon–5 p.m. No tickets sold day of event. No dogs allowed. Clear Lake Campground. 7805 Cache Creek Way, Clearlake. 995-2658. andersonmarsh.org.
Clear Lake Seaplane Splash-In. See
aircraft up close & talk to pilots. $5. Under age 12: free. 9 a.m.–5 p.m. Natural High School. 810 N. Main St., Lakeport. 263-5092. cityoflakeport.com.
FREE Fireside Chat. Talk about
Lake & Napa Counties’ Civil War– era history. Refreshments. 3 p.m.
MENDOCINO COLLEGE & LAKE COUNTY THEATRE COMPANY PRESENT
The 3rd Annual Shakespeare at the Lake
FREE
FRI SEPT 14 7PM
A groovy twist on a classic Shakespearean SO comedy E PE TR A R RE ESE THE
SUN SEPT 16 2PM
275 S. MAIN STREET, LAKEPORT Rescheduled! Open Seating, First Come, First Served Donations and concession sales support student scholarships and production expenses. Information: (707) 263-0577
24 MendoLakeFamilyLife
TRADITIONAL DANCE GROUPS COMPLIMENTARY NATIVE CUISINE (while supplies last)
HANDMADE CRAFTS FUN KIDS ACTIVITIES
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
Gibson Museum. 21267 Calistoga Rd., Middletown. cgibsonmuseum.com. FREE Movies in the Park. Breaking Legs. Suitable for older kids. Bring low-back chairs/blankets. Dusk. Middletown Square Park. 21256 Calistoga Rd., Middletown. 987-0998. middletownareamerchants.com.
Sunday 9 #MendoComplex Community BBQ & Fundraiser. Bouncy houses, booths,
auction items, music, food & more. Proceeds will go to Lake County Fire Relief Fund. Noon–9 p.m. Robinson Rancheria Resort & Casino. 1545 E. Hwy. 20, Nice. facebook.com/ events/2680352515323764.
Wednesday 12 FREE Annie. 1982 musical/film. Donations accepted. Assisted listening devices available. 7 p.m. Soper Reese Theatre. 275 S. Main St., Lakeport. 263-0577. soperreesetheatre.com.
Apple tasting, wine & hard cider tasting. $6–$10. Ages 6 & under: free. (Ages 12 & under free on Sept. 14). Extra fee for tastings. Fair runs thru Sept. 16. Mendocino County Fairgrounds. 14400 Hwy. 128, Boonville. mendocountyfair.com.
Saturday 15 The Funky Godfather. Lake County
fire benefit. A tribute to James Brown. Raffle, silent auction, beer & wine, desserts. $15–$25. 7 p.m. Soper Reese Theatre. 275 S. Main St., Lakeport. 263-0577. soperreesetheatre.com. FREE Double Feature Family Movie.
Little Women (1933) & Little Women (1994). 12:30–4:30 p.m. Fort Bragg Library. 499 E. Laurel St., Fort Bragg. 964-2020. fortbragglibrary.org.
BBQ Ukiah Girls Volleyball.
Fundraiser. Tri-tip dinner for 4. $60. 1–6 p.m. Sports Attic 2. 247 E. Perkins, Ukiah. facebook.com/sportsattic2. FREE Indian Day Celebration.
Opening prayer, traditional dances, Native cuisine, handmade crafts & kids’ activities. Noon–5 p.m. Twin Pines Casino. 22223 Hwy. 29, Middletown. twinpine.com. The Fairly Renaissance Faire.
Jousting, gypsy horse display, silk dance, vendors, kids’ entertainment area, live music & dinner. $10–$30. 11 a.m. Middletown Central Park. 15299 Central Park Rd., Middletown. 279-0732. lakecochamber. chambermaster.com. FREE International Coastal Clean-Up Day. Bags, collection charts,
26TH ANNIVERSARY
KELSEYVILLE PEAR FESTIVAL SATURDAY
SEPTEMBER 29TH
Friday 14 FREE This Autistic Life.
Presentation by the author of Sticks and Stones: A Father’s Journey into Autism. 4–6 p.m. Fort Bragg Center. 1211 Del Mar Dr., Fort Bragg. 277-9317. thisautisticlife.com.
PANCAKE BREAKFAST KID’S TOWN TOWN PARADE MUSICAL EVENTS HORSE FAIRE CRAFT MARKET ANTIQUE TRACTORS WINE TENT PEAR FOOD & DRINKS
FREE Rescheduled Shakespeare at the Lake. As You Like It. Sept. 14:
FREE FAMILY EVENT!
7 p.m. Sept. 16: 2 p.m. Soper Reese Theatre. 275 S. Main St., Lakeport. 263-0577. soperreesetheatre.com. Mendocino County Fair & Apple Show. CCPRA rodeo, classic car
show, sheep dog trials, entertainment, carnival, country music, dancing. www.mendolakefamilylife.com
www.pearfestival.com September 2018
MendoLakeFamilyLife 25
buckets & grabbers provided. 9 a.m.– noon. Dog Beach. North Harbor Dr., Fort Bragg. noyocenter.org.
Monday 17 FREE National Night Out. Meet
local law enforcement agencies & enjoy family-friendly activities, various law-enforcement demos & food. Hosted by the Lakeport Police Department. 6–8 p.m. Library Park. 225 Park St., Lakeport.
Wednesday 19 FREE Veterans Resource Fair & Homeless Veterans Stand Down.
Veterans benefits, education, women’s health, employment assistance, legal help, health screenings & more.
DD214 required or Veterans ID required. Thru Sept. 20. 9 a.m.–4 p.m. Lake County Fairgrounds. 401 Martin St., Lakeport. Fire Survivor Ensemble. Survivors of the 2017 Redwood Complex Fire share their experiences, accompanied by live musicians, who are also survivors. $10. Free to fire survivors. No tickets sold at the door. 7 p.m. Ukiah Senior Center. 495 Leslie St., Ukiah. artsmendocino.org. brownpapertickets.com.
Thursday 20
FREE Kickin’ In the Country Street Dance. Fargo Brothers. Bring your chairs. 7–10 p.m. Main St., Kelseyville. visitkelseyville.com.
Saturday 22 FREE Small Engine Repair Workshop. Led
by Takashi Yogi. How to troubleshoot & dissemble the components of engines such as chainsaws, lawn mowers & weed whackers. 1–3 p.m. Learning Garden. 300 A Dana St., Fort Bragg. (Behind Fort Bragg High School). 357-7680.
FREE Sensory Sensitive Story Time.
Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo Day. Point
A safe place for families of special needs kids. Siblings welcome. 3 p.m. Lakeport Library. 1425 N. High St., Lakeport.
Cabrillo Lighthouse. Visit grounds, museum & tours by the US Coast Guard. Children must be at least 42”
Community Celebrations
FREE public charter school Highly qualified credentialed teachers Individualized support for struggling students After school programs that include tutoring Small class sizes Math and reading tutors One-to-one computers Life skills development College & career planning Free college courses Focused on the
future of each child Enroll today for 2018-2019! (707) 463-7080
26 MendoLakeFamilyLife
Peace Day Ice Cream Social, Sept 18 Community Thursday, Sept 27 La Vida 707-459-6344 Charter 16201 Hwy 101, Ukiah School lavidaschool.org
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
to participate. Give time for 1/2 mile walk to lighthouse. $5/per person. 10 a.m.–4 p.m. Point Cabrillo Light Station. 45300 Lighthouse Rd., Mendocino. pointcabrillo.org. FREE Youth Action Party. Youth
talent show, live music, skate zone, free food & resource booths. Featuring Mystic Roots, Radio Active, Richie Ledreagle, Jalahn Travis, Aliyah Sade, Dirty Rice & Desmodus. 3–8 p.m. Alex R. Thomas Plaza. 310 S. State St., Ukiah. 463-4915.
Sunday 23 Colors for Cancer: 5K Run & Walk.
Cross-country course. Participants are bombarded with color dye at various locations. $25–$40.
Registration: 7:30–8:30 a.m. Race: 9 a.m. 275 Hospital Dr., Ukiah. (Park at Outpatient Pavilion). adventisthealth.org.
50350 N. Hwy. 101, Laytonville. blackoakranch.com.
Saturday 29 FREE Kelseyville Pear Festival.
Friday 28 Tyler Rich & Chad Bushnell. Country
music artist. $25–$30. VIP $80* (*RSVP required). 6 p.m. Cache Creek Vineyards & Winery. 250 New Long Valley Rd., Clearlake Oaks. 998-1200. cachecreekvineyards.com. Hog Farm Celebration. Poor Man’s
Whiskey as well as Joe Craven & the Sometimers, playing from Garcia Songbook. Games, costumes, handmade crafts & more. $30–$150. Thru Sept. 29. Black Oak Ranch.
UKIAH JUNIOR ACADEMY
Craft booths, horse fair, antique tractor display, dancers, live music & pear goodies. Parade: 9:30 a.m. Activities run until 4 p.m. Downtown Kelseyville. pearfestival.com.
Sunday 30 Baroque Concert. Performed by Lake County Symphony Chamber Orchestra. $10. Ages 18 & under: free. 2 p.m. Soper Reese Theatre. 275 S. Main St., Lakeport. 263-0577. soperreesetheatre.com.
Now Accepting K-12 Registration
FALL FESTIVAL FREE
ADMISSION
ST OCTOBER 21 NOON-4:30PM
FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!
Box Maze • Water Balloon Launch • Horseback Rides Carnival Games • Bounce House • Raffle Homemade Goodies • Crafts • Food Silent Auction & Pie Auction 180 Stipp Lane, Ukiah • myuja.org www.mendolakefamilylife.com
Ukiah Independent Study Academy Serving K–12
Flex Time & Days • Tailored Learning Eligible for UHS Sports • Dual College Enrollment College & Career Readiness • WASC Accredited
UKIAH UNIFIED SCHOOL DISTRICT
1000 Low Gap Rd., Ukiah • 707-472-5906
September 2018
MendoLakeFamilyLife 27
GIVE YOUR CHILD a joy-
FALL 2018
ful learning experience full of discovery with: • Exploration of own interests & abilities • Experiential learning with field trips, arts • Respectful and caring learning community • Peace education and mindfulness • Earth stewardship
Offering Pre-School through fourth grade. • Bible-based education • Academic excellence • Positive learning environment • Small class sizes • Excellence in WritingTM program • Home School oversight with on-site electives • Spanish, music, computer, and art electives • After-school child care • Tuition assistance available
Tree of Life Charter
Free Montessori Elementary Education for Children Ages 5 Through 13 APPLY NOW for 2018-19! Applications available on our website: www.treeoflifeschool.net
8555 Uva Drive, Redwood Valley (across from “The Broiler”) (707) 485-8778 • www.deepvalleychristianschool.org Like us at: Deep Valley Christian Education Center
EDUCATION FOR LIFE!
For more information: 707-462-0913 treeoflifeschool@pacific.net
WHO’S YOUR CHILD’S FAVORITE DOCTOR? YOU COULD WIN A $50 VISA GIFT CARD 28 MendoLakeFamilyLife
Everybody wants to find a health professional who comes highly recommended. Suggestions from other parents are the best guidance you can find!
ENTER AT MENDOLAKEFAMILYLIFE.COM
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
Marketplace
Tyler Rich
Preschools
Schools
Give Your Give Child a Head Start! C E N T E R S
Free Your & Low-Cost Quality Preschool! • Ukiah Child a classroomsTuition-free ✓ 1/2-day & full-day for Montessori North Ukiah - Bush St. ages 18 months to 5 years Nokomis - Washington Ave. Head elementary South forUkiah ages 5-13 - S. State St. ✓ Potty-trained not necessary Peach Tree - S. Orchard Ave. Start! Hands-on, arts and music ✓ Children with disabilities welcome • Willits
integrated with academics Near Brookside School at ✓ Referrals for transportation available Free & Low-Cost Spruce St. & Lincoln Way National Green Campus Quality Preschool! • Lake County Also providing FREE in-home services for
Promotes responsibility, Upper Lake - 2nd Street infants, toddlers & pregnant women!
Head Start Child Development Program www.ncoinc.org Head Start
Lake - Clover Valley respect, andUpper peace
(707)Development 462-2582 Program License #230111843 Child Applications online: www.ncoinc.org • (707) 462-2582
Country Love
I
f your musical tastes tend toward twang, then you may like the sound of Tyler Rich. A northern California native, he sings of summers spent on Clear Lake, strong family ties, and the headiness of new love. The nationally touring pop country artist will perform with special guest Chad Bushnell in familiar territory—Clearlake Oaks—at Cache Creek Vineyards. Grab a glass of wine and see him live on September 28 at 6 p.m. General admission is $25–$30; VIP, $80. Purchase tickets at cachecreekvineyards.com. To get a taste of Rich’s music, go to tylerrich.com. ¶
treeoflifeschool@pacific.net www.treeoflifeschool.net
Accelerated Achievement Academy
Find a School or After-School Activity in our Online Directories MendoLakeFamilyLife.com
YOUR AD HERE Classifieds Work Call 586-9562
Catch of the Day
O
ne of the advantages of living near the ocean is access to fresh fish. And you can get your fill at the annual Harbor and Seafood Festival in Point Arena. Take in expansive seaside vistas while you nosh on oysters, albacore kebabs, fish tacos, and abalone cakes. Meanwhile, kids can have fun in bouncy houses, getting their faces painted, or drawing creatures for the sea-themed sidewalk chalk art competition. The festival will be held on September 2, noon–6 p.m., at the Point Arena Pier. Admission and parking are free. Dogs are prohibited. See pointarena.net/ point-arena-harbor-seafood-festival for more information. ¶
www.mendolakefamilylife.com
• Coastnorth end of Fairgrounds Fort Bragg - Lincoln St. PO Box 966 Ukiah 95482
707-462-0913
Get Mom’s Attention! Harbor and Seafood Festival
Lakeport - Howard Ave. Clearlake - Pearl Ave. ClearlakeLocated - Meadowbrookon Dr.
September 2018
US News and World Reports: America’s Best High Schools Bronze Medal FREE public school Support for struggling
students Small classes Grades 4-12
Call today! (707) 463-7080
mendo lake
LOCAL
#1 local for 25 years resource for local families magazine • web • email • events
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Humor Break
Sleeping Like Hillbillies A Family Secret Revealed
By Holly Hester
I
have never been able to get my kids to sleep in their own beds. For the past five years, I have been sleeping in a pile of children.
Let me start by saying this story doesn’t include my son Buck. He likes to sleep in his own bed and for that I am forever grateful. But Emerson, from the moment she was born, would emit a screaming banshee noise several times a night that made her sound like she was being attacked by wolves (or stolen by dingoes). So after a while, my husband, Bill, and I just had Emmy sleep with us so we could soothe her (i.e. try to get her to shut up) without having to get out of bed 40 times a night. And then August was born and we quickly discovered that he cried 24 hours a day—it was like I had given birth to a toy baby whose “scream” button was stuck in the On position. So then every night in our bed we had two children who sounded like they needed exorcisms. We never slept. We were just on survival mode for years. Things got better, but the kids never left our bed; they just kept growing and growing while our bed got smaller and smaller… 30 MendoLakeFamilyLife
This is where the hillbilly part comes in. About a year ago, I got the bright idea of putting a bunch of mattresses in our loft and letting the four of us sleep up there. It would give us more room and quite possibly a better night’s sleep. I did not advertise this arrangement— you know, that we sleep like a bunch
mattresses, and the very non-hippie, super-conventional, saleslady asked Emerson, “So you must be excited. You’re getting a brand-new bed!” And then, Emerson said, “Yes. I don’t have a bed. I sleep in a bed with my Mommy, my Daddy, and my brother.” And there was my nut, rolling around the mattress store.
Every night in our bed we had two children who sounded like they needed exorcisms.
The saleslady’s smile froze in horror. The other customers in the store stared at the 8-year-old who just stated that she lives like a child in the Ozarks in the 1930s.
of drug addicts on mattresses thrown on the floor. I kept this embarrassing family nut all to myself. It had a lot of company with all the other embarrassing family nuts I store. (At this point I’m like a squirrel carrying dysfunctional family stories.)
Desperate to remove myself from the situation, I started to rifle through my purse as if I’d lost some vital CIA documents. Meanwhile, Buck decided to not only further explain how we all sleep, but also to mention that our pig sleeps in the house, too.
Then recently, I decided I had had enough. I wanted my bed back. I wanted to sleep in it with just my husband. What a novel concept. So, working a little reverse-psychology manipulation, I told Em and Aug, “Congrats! You are such big kids now you have earned brand-new beds!” Then we went mattress shopping for insanely high-priced organic
Cue banjo music. Our new mattresses are going to be ready this week, and I’m not going to be the one to pick them up. Because I’m never going back to that store again. ¶ Holly Hester lives in Sebastopol and writes about life on her blog, Riot Ranch. Find her book, Escape from Ugly Mom Island!, on Amazon.
September 2018 www.mendolakefamilylife.com
Lake-Mendocino Veterans Resource Fair and Homeless Veterans Stand Down SEPTEMBER 19 & 20 9am–4pm • Lake County Fairgrounds, 401 Martin Street, Lakeport
FREE SERVICES AVAILABLE INCLUDE: Veterans Benefits ★ Social Security ★ HUD/VASH ★ Non Profit Services Education Benefits ★ Women’s Health ★ Employment Assistance Legal Assistance ★ Advance Care Planning ★ Health Screenings
LUNCH IS INCLUDED FREE LEGAL CLINIC
By Appointment Only Call 415-534-5878 to register in advance 12–4pm each day
ESTATE PLANNING Wednesday, September 19
EXPUNGEMENT Thursday, September 20
FREE TRANSPORTATION
Your Veteran ID or DD214 will be your bus ticket to the Fairgrounds. Catch the bus at your local bus stop. Ukiah vets meet at the VA Clinic.
FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION OR TO VOLUNTEER: Contact Frank Parker at 707-274-9512
Military surplus is reserved for homeless veterans. Proof of service is required: DD214 or Veterans ID. No knives, guns or weapons of any kind allowed.
Free Children’s Health Fair
Wild ABout HEalth PRIZES •
CHILD IDENTIFICATION BOOTH •
FUN ACTIVITIES
Sunday, October 7, 2018 FREE HEALTH SCREENINGS for Children
11 a.m. – 3 p.m. Alex Rorabaugh Center
Grace Hudson Elementary School campus 1640 S. State St., Ukiah
Rain or Shine!
Bike Safety Course Bring your bike & helmet
Or receive a FREE helmet at the event
For children 0-12 and their families 707.456.3213 for more information Major Underwriters: