Mendo Lake Family Life November 2020

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November 2020

Virtual Feast

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Steiner School Head, heart & Zoom

Work at6 practical Home tips Support a Small Biz 6 creative acts

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November 2020

Every Issue 6

Dear Reader

7

Cooking with Kids Muffin Magic

16 Features 10 Small Biz Survival Creative ideas for giving locals a leg up.

12 Head, Heart & Zoom A local charter school responds to COVID-19.

14 Virtual Thanksgiving New ways to celebrate Turkey Day.

16 Work-at-Home Parents Tips for staying productive and balanced.

8

4 MendoLakeFamilyLife

18 Hook a Book Lover Raise a child who loves words.

20 Forever Families A teen reflects on her foster care and adoption experience.

22 Be a Divorce Buddy

8

Bits and Pieces

27

Black Comics Matter Walk Along the Great Wall Draw a Dragon Get Up Close to the Taj Mahal The Royal Treatment Hip Hop to Better Grades

24 Calendar of Events 28 Humor Break Go Fish

What to say and do to show someone you care.

7

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

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January 2019

February 2019

March 2019

What’s Waldorf?

Learn the basics Mindful Montessori Focused learning

Dog Duty Meet Jack

Make a Date Keep love going strong

Camp Basics 7 great tips V-Day Verve Local fun

Beat learning probs

Disaster Prep Help for special needs

Mom’s Apps

6 good ones

Local egg hunts

Tidy Up Cyber Protect kids

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May 2019

June 2019

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Fast & easy treat

Splish Splash!

Go to a city pool

’s Day Father 6 local, fun events

Play in the Sun 50 great ideas Dad Apps

Smart help

July 4!

Local celebrations

Have Kids, Will Travel

Tips for family flying

Word Wise Raise a writer

Solo Sports 12 ideas

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September 2019

October 2019

November 2019

Brains for Hire Find a tutor Less Whine, More Shine After-school strategies

Tricks & Treats 7 fun local events

Day-Care Guide 57 facilities—preschools, too

Back to School

Districts’ calendars

Lactation 101 A breastfeeding primer

Protein Power Fast breakie Morning Madness

Winning strategies

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Success in Sight

Snack Attack When is it OK to indulge?

Free to Grow

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Eco Rain Gardens Cookie

6 local ways to play

Know the options

Doulas Deliver

How they work

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CAMP GUIDE

Choose a Camp

Breast Cancer Know the risks STEAM Up!

Science at home

Practice Gratitude Ways to give thanks

Health Coverage ACA enrollment

Tech in Schools A new future

Foster Love

A mom’s story

’Tis the Season Give Back

As the #1 resource for local families

Stop & Self-care tips When to worry

Dear Reader

I

t’s that time of year when we take stock of our blessings and give something back to our community.

Some folks who Sharon Gowan Publisher/Editor could really use Sharon@family-life.us our attention this year are local business owners.

Turn to “Small Biz Survival” (page 10) for innovative ways to support them and the local economy.

Because of COVID-19, many of us will not be attending our usual holiday family gatherings. But there are still ways to connect with loved ones near and far. Read “Virtual Thanksgiving” (page 14) for some creative ideas, including video chats and virtual potlucks. Want an easy way to get kids involved in

Turkey Day? Ask them to help cook.

Turn to “Muffin Magic” (page 7) for a healthy treat little hands will be happy to make, and eat.

Are you too busy to even think about managing the holidays, especially in a pandemic? We understand—with working and educating kids at home, most parents are spread way too thin.

One thing you can do is to make the most of your hours on the clock.

“Work-at-Home Parents” (page 16) shows you how.

However you spend this Thanksgiving, we hope you take a moment to be thankful for yourself and all you do to nurture your family in these difficult times.

WE

will walk you through the entire process of becoming a child care provider in your home.

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have subsidies available to help with child care expenses for qualifying families.

Patricia Ramos patty@family-life.us

Business Marketing Renee Nutcher renee@family-life.us Warren Kaufman warren@family-life.us

Features Editor Melissa Chianta melissa@family-life.us

Production Manager Donna Bogener production@family-life.us

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Contributing Writers Brenda Davis Jessica Guerrieri Christina Katz Hope and Adoptive Black Mom Richard Kerr Janeen Lewis Pam Moore Reshma Shah

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have ongoing training & referrals to help make your child care business the best it can be!

1-800-606-5550 x211 ncoinc.org 6 MendoLakeFamilyLife

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

Cooking with Kids

Muffin Magic Fall Flavors Imbue a Healthy Treat

By Reshma Shah and Brenda Davis

P

umpkin muffins are a fall favorite, brimming with warming spices that make them irresistible. There is nothing like pumpkin muffins fresh from the oven to celebrate autumn. This wonderfully healthy version features almond butter, spelt flour, and maple syrup. They are perfect for breakfast, in a lunch box, or as an after-school snack.

Recipe reprinted with permission from Nourish: The Definitive Plant-Based Nutrition Guide for Families by Reshma Shah, MD, MPH, and Brenda Davis, RD (November 2020, HCI). Find out more at nourishthebook.com.

Brenda Davis, RD, is a registered dietitian and widely regarded as a rock star of plant-based nutrition. She has been a featured speaker at medical and nutrition conferences in more than 20 countries on 5 continents and is the author of 11 books on vegetarian and vegan nutrition. Find her at brendadavisrd.com.

Reshma Shah, MD, MPH, is an affiliate clinical instructor at Stanford University School of Medicine and has been a practicing pediatrician for nearly 20 years. Learn more about her at reshmashahmd.com.

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Pumpkin Muffins Ingredients 2 cups spelt flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1⁄2 teaspoon baking soda 2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice mix 1⁄4 teaspoon salt 1⁄2 cup maple syrup 1⁄3 cup unsweetened plant-based milk 1⁄3 cup smooth almond butter 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 15-ounce can 100% pumpkin puree 1 cup chocolate chips (substitute raisins if you prefer!)

Instructions 1. Preheat oven to 375°F and line a 12-muffin tin with parchment liners.

2. In a medium-sized bowl, combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, pumpkin pie spice, and salt.

3. In a small bowl, combine the maple syrup, plant-based milk, almond butter, and vanilla. Mix in the pumpkin puree.

4. Add the wet mixture to the dry mixture and mix until just combined, being careful not to overmix. Gently stir in the chocolate chips or raisins.

5. Fill the muffin tins 3⁄4 full with an ice cream scoop or spoon. Sprinkle a few more chocolate chips on top if you like.

6. Bake for 22–28 minutes or until fluffy and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.

7. Allow to cool in the pan for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. Store in an air-tight container. These muffins also freeze well if you happen to not eat them all first.

Chef’s Tip Pumpkin pie spice is not just for pumpkin pie. It is perfect for muffins, pancakes, crumbles, cookies, and is so well worth keeping on hand. If you don’t have pumpkin pie spice, make your own by combining 1 teaspoon of cinnamon, and 1⁄4 teaspoon each of nutmeg, ginger, allspice, and cloves.

November 2020

MendoLakeFamilyLife 7

Bits & Pieces

Black Comics Matter

I

n 1988 Robb Armstrong created the comic strip

Robb Armstrong

Jump Street (see left) with the intention of conveying

the everyday experience of an African-American couple. More than 30 years later, the ground-breaking strip is still in syndication. And along the way, his last name became the inspiration for the first Black Peanuts ’ character, Franklin Armstrong. Robb will be one of three comics on the Charles M. Schulz Museum’s Black Comics Matter online panel. Other panelists will include Pulitzer Prize–winning editorial cartoonist Darrin Bell, and Ellizabeth Montague, the first African-American female cartoonist for the New Yorker. The panelists will discuss how graphic novels and comic stories convey the Black experience. The event will be held on November 19, 4–5 p.m., and is free. Advance registration is required: schulzmuseum. org/event/23873. ¶

Walk Along the Great Wall

K

ids love tech, it’s no secret. So teaching them about world history is easier with the help of tools like the virtual tour of the Great Wall of China. With just a click of the mouse, kids can “walk” along the famous 13,000-year-old structure, the brainchild of Emperor Qin Shi Huang.

Find the tour at thechinaguide.com/ destination/great-wall-of-china. ¶

Draw a Dragon

Barbara Golden

F

8 MendoLakeFamilyLife

ire-breathing dragons. Flying phoenixes. Mythical creatures inspire the imagination. And now kids can learn to draw them, in the online Fantasy Creatures and Landscapes class. Taught by artist Barbara Golden, the three-day workshop will teach children ages 10–15 the multiple steps of illustration, including making rough sketches, outlining images with black and colored ink, and blending and shading colors using markers and watercolors. The workshop, presented by the Charles M. Schulz Museum in Santa Rosa, will be held November 23–25, 10 a.m.–noon, and costs $60–$80. Register at schulzmuseum. org/classes-camps/#toggle-id-1. ¶

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

Get Up Close to the Taj Mahal

E

veryone has hobbies, and for the Shah Jahan, a 17th century Mughal emperor, it was building. When he came into power he erected two mosques. But then his wife died, and, bereft, he ordered the construction of his most famous edifice: the Taj Mahal. Made of marble and semi-precious stones, the mausoleum houses his beloved’s remains. Most of us will not be able to travel to India to see this architectural feat in person, but, thanks to the Internet and Google Maps we can get up close to its glimmering pearly-white walls: tinyurl.com/y66pwl3b. ¶

The Royal Treatment

O

pulent and resplendent are just

two words one could use to describe Buckingham Palace, the official London residence of England’s Royals since 1837. Most of us may not be able to see it in person, but we can still visit some of its elaborate, gold-drenched décor. Just log on to royal.uk/virtual-tours-buckinghampalace to take a virtual tour of three of its main rooms: the Throne Room, the White Drawing Room, and the Grand Staircase. ¶

www.mendolakefamilylife.com

Hip Hop to Better Grades

K

ids have abundant energy, and too much Zooming can make them antsy. The mid-morning Kids Online Hip Hop Dance Class aims to give children in grades 3–8 a chance to get out the wiggles so they can focus on their studies.

The half-hour classes, presented by Mena’s Dance Xchange, are held at 11 a.m. once a week and cost $35 for four. For more information, see tinyurl. com/yy3dn5rw or search eventbrite. com for “Kids Online Hip Hop Dance Class.” ¶

November 2020

MendoLakeFamilyLife 9

virtual communities of influence, and now is the time to utilize them.

My neighborhood’s Facebook page has become a beacon of support for people calling out their favorite small businesses, many of which I was unaware existed. Tell your friends, colleagues, family, and neighbors whom to support and be vocal about it.

Small BizHow to Fuel the Survival Local Economy

Support #ThankYouSmallBusiness.

The Points Guy (TPG) has recently partnered with Silver Lining and their incredibly impactful Thank You Small Business movement. The organization reaches thousands of small businesses monthly via

Now is the time to utilize virtual communities.

e have a favorite restaurant that we are patrons of.

Seeing the owner struggle to stay afloat has had a big impact on me. The owner had to put out calls on social media to support the business; she had to lay off staff who had been with her for years. Here’s what consumers can do to support small businesses like hers.

newsletters, in-person Champions that rally their own community, Thank You days, and more. Silver Lining launched Buy from Small Business to offer additional ways to support small businesses, including buying merchandise and giving the profits to member businesses. The organization also has a four-part, Friday night virtual concert series where you can pay to watch world-class performers and artists live via Zoom and all proceeds go to small businesses.

Buy gift cards. Buying gift cards gives a small business a cash infusion to make it through hard times. It is essentially a no-interest loan from you, which becomes even better when 40 percent (by some estimates) of people forget about the

Leave a positive review online. We’ve all headed to Google, Yelp, TripAdvisor, and other review services to get the lowdown on a small business. These reviews have incredibly tangible impacts on a business. Take a few minutes and

By Richard Kerr

W

This article originally appeared on thepointsguy.com.

10 MendoLakeFamilyLife

gift cards they have. (If your small business cannot offer gift cards online, go to Kabbage and sign up to sell e-gift cards for free, thanks to a new COVID-19 relief program.)

Market for the business. We each have our own in-person and

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

mendo lake leave your favorite small businesses a positive review.

Yelp. Along the lines of a positive review, Yelp announced a partnership with GoFundMe that allows you to make donations to your favorite small businesses directly on a business’s Yelp page.

Tell your favorite business to sign up for this feature; Yelp and

Leave your favorite small businesses a positive review.

GoFundMe are matching the first $500 donated to each business.

Say thanks. Tell a small business owner thank-you. Write a card, order flowers (which helps the flower shop), or make a sizable tip to the owners and workers in your community. The stress and obligation these owners feel to provide for their employees is palpable. Simply saying thank you goes a long way to brightening someone’s day.

Bottom line If you are in a position to support a small business, please do what you can to help these men and women who are the backbone of our economy. You can also join the TPG Small Biz Facebook group, where the conversation on the current environment continues 24/7. We wish all our small business owners and employees the best during these difficult times. ¶ Maximize your travel with hands-on travel advice, guides, reviews, deal alerts, and more from The Points Guy (thepointsguy.com).

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MendoLakeFamilyLife 11

challenges. Conscious of the young child’s relationship to the world and peers, we have taken a careful approach to the use of screen time.

FL: What does a distancelearning kindergartener’s day look like?

TC: To greet the day, kindergarten students at River Oak meet their teacher and classmates on Zoom for 30 minutes. During this time, students participate in movement exercises, sing, listen to poems, or

Head, Heart & Zoom A Local Charter School Adapts to COVID-19

F

amily Life talks to River Oak Charter School, a Steiner-based public school in Ukiah, about how it is meeting the challenges of educating students during COVID-19.

Family Life: Tell us about River Oak Charter School’s approach to education.

River Oak Registrar Talia Cechin: Educating through “Head, Heart, and Hands” has been the trademark of River Oak Charter School since 1999. The idea behind the phrase is that learning should involve the whole human being and be based on developmentally appropriate, multi-sensory experiences. We facilitate a more intuitive and natural way to learn rather than a lecture-and-note style of learning.

12 MendoLakeFamilyLife

FL: How has River Oak met the challenges of distance-learning during the pandemic?

TC: Our teachers are rising to the challenge. They’re not only working creatively to deliver the curriculum, but also making sure our students are feeling supported, valued, and a part of the greater community.

Kindergarten in Steiner-method schools like River Oak is full of rich, hands-on experiences. Because we believe children learn best through play, imitation, and imagination, any form of “distance learning” presents

Students are finding creative ways to fulfill their community service requirement. enjoy a puppet play. Students spend the remainder of the day doing activities—seasonal crafts, handwork, painting, and playing outside—at home. Students post completed assignments on SeeSaw, an online portfolio where students can further engage with their peers and receive feedback from their teachers.

FL: And what does a typical day look like for older students?

TC: In grades 1–4, students and teachers meet on Zoom every day for the main lesson. Depending on the grade level, some students meet the teacher again for math and reading.

Following the main lesson, students continue to pursue asynchronous activities in their home surroundings.

Students enjoy book clubs, play the recorder, and write in journals. In first grade, students listen to fairy tales and practice form-drawing. Fairy

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

of time they spend using screens.

These projects also create the opportunity for students to take ownership of their learning, a valuable skill to have as they mature.

For their eighth grade project,

tales build a child’s vocabulary; they can help kids name and express their emotions. Meanwhile, form-drawing lays the building blocks for writing.

These grades also work on long-term assignments. For example, students in third grade are working with grains and learning about their many uses.

Students have made masa harina from corn to make tortillas at home.

We have taken a careful approach to the use of screen time.

In grades 5–8, students meet with their teacher on Zoom for the main lesson and also for Spanish and math. Students continue their asynchronous learning in Google Classroom, reading history books and working in small groups.

Students in these grades also begin to work on independent projects, which limits the amount

students must learn a new skill and complete community service.

Making a positive impact on the community is a strong value in our Steiner-method curriculum. Even during a pandemic, students are finding creative ways to fulfill their community service requirement.

They’re writing thank-you letters to first responders, raising money for non-profits, and cleaning up trash in our parks.

FL: Anything else you’d like readers to know?

TC: River Oak Charter School innovatively adapts to students’ unique learning needs and strengths. It is no surprise that our dedicated teachers are taking distance-learning in stride as they continue to deliver creative and developmentally appropriate curriculum that is not only educational, but also builds community. ¶ Find out more about River Oak Charter School at riveroakcharterschool.org.

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shopping list. Ask for a loved one’s favorite recipe, and video chat while you and your child test it out. (Bonus: These are great ways to get your child involved in the kitchen!)

3. Send Thanksgiving care packages. Mail or drop off treats and supplies to help guests feel part of the fun. Since you can’t crowd around one table to split a pumpkin pie, maybe you and your child can bake pumpkin muffins (see page 7) and

Virtual Thanksgiving W

8 Ways to Celebrate During COVID-19

ith coronavirus numbers on the rise across the country, your family may be preparing for a different Thanksgiving this year—no trip to Grandma’s house, no overflowing dinners with extended family and friends.

If you’ll be celebrating virtually with loved ones who aren’t in your quarantine group, here’s how can you make it special.

Before 1. Plan a shared experience. No matter the distance, you’ll feel close on the big day if you share the same rituals. Have your child come up with ideas for all five senses, and spread the word to everyone on the virtual guest list: For example, plan to light the same scent of candle or prepare 14 MendoLakeFamilyLife

the same fragrant dish, and create a shared playlist to use as background music.

2. Create connection with meal prep. Thanksgiving meal may be the hardest time for your child to be apart from family members, like grandparents, who aren’t in your quarantine group. So focus on the steps that come before eating—they are easier to bond over from a distance: Schedule calls with family members who can help your child brainstorm the holiday menu and make a

No matter the distance, you’ll feel close on the big day if you share the same rituals. drop them off on doorsteps, or make matching centerpieces for everyone to display on their holiday tables.

During 4. Try a Thanksgiving video chat. Have your child host “opening” and “closing ceremonies.” Your child might want to kick off things with a song or prayer, and wrap up with a round of jokes or the latest TikTok dance. With old traditions on hold, the possibilities are endless.

5. Try a new twist on a potluck. Since you’ll all be dining as separate households, a traditional potluck is out the window. But you can still ask every person to “bring” something to share virtually, such as a brief toast or favorite family photo.

6. Try a gratitude bowl. Have all the households in your extended family start this process a few weeks before Thanksgiving. Each day, each person writes something they’re

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

grateful for on a slip of paper and adds it to their household bowl. During your Thanksgiving virtual event, take turns reading contributions aloud.

ENJOYING OUR MAGAZINE? mendo lake FREE!

After September 2020

7. Keep the fun going! Once your Thanksgiving Day “program” has ended, you can prop up your device somewhere central and keep video chat going for any loved ones

With old traditions on hold, the possibilities are endless. who want to stay connected; or have your child send occasional text updates on the day’s events—from the big turkey reveal to lounging in comfy clothes while you digest.

8. Make Thanksgiving resolutions. This can be part of your virtual get-together, or just a quiet conversation with your child to close out the day. What would your child like to learn, try, or do more of by Thanksgiving next year?

This is a nice way to remind kids (and all of us) that we all have a lot to look forward to on the other side of this pandemic.

It’s hard on everyone to skip favorite holiday traditions. But as with so much else during the time of coronavirus, we can try new, quarantine-friendly ideas to fill in for what we’ll miss. It may even add new meaning to the holiday. ¶

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Article reprinted with permission from Connecticut Children’s, a nonprofit with a mission to improve children’s access to health care. Find out more at connecticutchildrens.org.

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November 2020

MendoLakeFamilyLife 15

Work-at-Home Parents W

6 Ways to Stay Sane and Get Stuff Done

By Christina Katz

orking at home alongside kids or with kids in school comes with its own unique challenges. But you can discipline yourself to work happily and productively so you can maximize the benefits of being a work-at-home parent. Here’s how.

1. Schedule Sunday prep-time. Set aside Sunday morning to spend quality time with your family, but reserve an hour or two during the afternoon or evening to get a jump on your workweek. If you can empty your inbox, do a bit of planning, and make a to-do list, you will get off to a great start. If this works well for you, consider adding in a family meeting afterwards, to go over schedules, consolidate errands, 16 MendoLakeFamilyLife

I’ve had some of my best business inspirations while doing the dishes. delegate tasks, and send any necessary family-related emails for the upcoming week.

2. Activate your cool, calm, and collected powers. When you are a work-at-home parent, you don’t usually get to sleep in. So go ahead and set your alarm an hour

earlier than you would normally get up so you can have a few moments all to yourself each weekday morning. What do you consider a joyful morning meditation? For some it will be drinking coffee and journaling. For others, it may be fixing a smoothie and reading inspirational passages. Some parents love a morning jog and hot shower. Whatever gets your day off to the best start is time wisely invested.

3. Exercise at home. Studies have shown that sitting at your desk all day without taking breaks is disastrous for your health. So make exercise a part of your daily routine.

If you have kids at home even part of the day, establish family exercise

The more you can accept the limitations of balancing parenting and work, the happier your whole family will feel. time. Try putting on your workout clothes when you get up in the morning to remind yourself you are serious. If accountability is an issue, join an online exercise support group where you can check in after a workout. On days when you don’t exercise, get up from your desk every hour and stretch, twist, reach, and bend to chase the kinks away.

4. Take chore breaks. Why not do little chores between business tasks to take mental and physical breaks from your computer throughout the day? I’ve had some of my best business inspirations

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

while doing the dishes, sorting the laundry, or driving around town doing errands.

5. Eat lunch in the kitchen.

You may be tempted to scarf a sandwich while catching up on Facebook but try to resist. You will feel happier and digest your

Set your alarm an hour earlier so you can have a few moments all to yourself. food better if you sit down at the kitchen table and eat lunch like a civilized person. Why not turn on some upbeat music or listen to an inspirational talk? You might want to tackle another quick chore or

take a walk around the yard before you sit back down. However you spend your lunch break, try to make it more refreshing.

6. Keep life balanced. Don’t try to keep up with parents who make volunteering their full-time job. The more you can accept the limitations of balancing parenting and work, the happier your whole family will feel. Contribute how and where you can outside of work and family, but never give so much that you start to lose your balance. Remember that your family’s happiness is built on your good health and positive attitude. ¶ Christina Katz has found working at home to be maddening, interesting, impossible, and occasionally fantastic.

Have Young Children at Home?

Here’s Your List of Dos & Don’ts During the pandemic, a lot of parents are working at home. Here are a few tips for navigating this tricky time.

Be realistic; don’t overcommit. If your income is needed, then work has to be a priority. Don’t commit to anything unless you know you have time in your schedule. Get used to saying, “I’m sorry I can’t commit to that.”

Then offer what you can do.

Baby-step, don’t multi-task. Trying to do many things at once often lowers the quality of all results. So rather than multi-task, squeeze in baby-steps here and there until single tasks get done. Then repeat. You’ll get more done faster and better.

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Underestimate the Power of the Purse Moms typically control 80% or more of their household budgets.

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Plan for success; don’t hope for it. Trying to do more than you can reasonably accomplish each week will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Set realistic goals and reach them. You’ll get faster and more efficient the more you focus and keep tasks simple.

Know when to expand your work hours. Parents who work at home often need to think creatively about the calendar in order to squeeze in enough hours to make a workweek. The best opportunities to expand your work hours are whenever you have more focused, alone time available to you.

www.mendolakefamilylife.com

November 2020

IN PRINT • ONLINE • EVENTS • CONTESTS

586-9562

MendoLakeFamilyLife.com MendoLakeFamilyLife 17

the books throughout the house, concentrating on his favorite places.

That kid read every book by the end of the week. Research shows that children from print-rich homes are better readers, but it helps if the books, magazines, and newspapers are out where kids can see them.

3

Hook a Book 10 Clever Ways to Lover Get Kids to Read

By Janeen Lewis

O

ne of the most important things parents can do is raise a reader. Successful reading leads to successes in academics and gives kids a solid start in life. In fact, recent research shows that kids who read at least 15 minutes a day have accelerated reading gains.

But no matter how diligent parents are at supporting reading, sometimes kids resist. Books have to compete with those oh-so-scintillating devices, video games, and TV streaming apps.

Why not shake things up a bit and try some stealthy ways to hook a book lover? The following 10 ideas are sure to win over the most reluctant reader.

1

Get free stuff! Google “free stuff kids can earn by reading” and oodles of free items will pop up.

By merely recording the titles they are reading, my own children have earned

18 MendoLakeFamilyLife

these free things: Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizzas, frozen yogurt, books from Barnes and Noble, and amusement park tickets.

2

Let the books out. Don’t cage them up on the shelves! When my son was 8, he announced that he didn’t want to read nonfiction books because they bored him. I checked out a big stack of nonfiction titles from the library and in my most nonchalant voice said, “You don’t have to read these, but I think I will. They seem very interesting.” I strategically placed

Reward with extra bedtime reading. Have you noticed that the child who has a plague-like aversion to reading during the day suddenly develops a fondness for reading when it’s time for bed? Why

Let them read with a flashlight under the covers. not embrace this motivation and let your child earn extra reading time at bedtime? If he or she reads for a specified amount of time or reads a certain number of books, extend lights-out for a few minutes—as long as your child spends that time reading.

4

Make your book nook the envy of the neighborhood.

Think: a tent with twinkly lights.

Plump pillows. Comfy chairs.

Make your child’s reading space as comfortable and inviting as you can. When my children were young they draped a sleeping bag over the footboard of our queen-sized bed.

Extending it from the back of the bed, they lapped it over a chair and then curled up with their books in the “reading fort.” My kids have also built “reading caves” with old moving boxes.

5

Make it a double feature.

Every year new films come out that are inspired by books. If your

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

child wants to see a movie that was based on a book, have them read the book first and then rent the movie and watch it together. Compare the two, and have your child explain which he or she liked better.

6

Get graphic. Umm…I’m talking graphic novels here.

They may not be the conventional kind of books parents grew up with, but they may draw your child into reading. And while you are mixing it up, let them read comic books. Oh, and throw in some audio books, and let them read on a device sometimes.

Imagine all the possibilities that might engage your child in reading.

7

Subscribe to children’s magazines. Magazine subscriptions make kids feel grown

up and tempt them to read. Some good ones to try: Ask, Ranger Rick, National Geographic Kids, Sports Illustrated Kids, Cobblestone, Ladybug, and Highlights.

Google “free stuff kids can earn by reading” and oodles of free items will pop up.

8

Tickle a funny bone. From Jeff Kinney’s Diary of a Wimpy Kid to Peggy Parish’s Amelia Bedelia or Sara Pennypacker’s Clementine, a funny story is a good way to hook a book lover. And if you read a humorous book with your child, you might find yourself chuckling along.

9

Let there be light. Come on, don’t be so stuffy! Let them read with a flashlight under the covers. Also, there are a plethora of really cool reading lights in today’s universe. Headlamps are a unique option, and there are even book lights that keep track of minutes read.

10

Be a rock-star reader yourself. Daily carve out time for your child to see you poring over the paper, curling up with your favorite book, or discussing a tidbit from a magazine. Model a reading life, and your child will be more likely to embrace the same literature-loving values.

Janeen Lewis is a writer, teacher, and mom to Andrew and Gracie.

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MendoLakeFamilyLife 19

the kid. Sometimes it’s not even the foster parents [who are the problem], but their biological children. I know everyone has a different experience in the system. [For me] it wasn’t all that fantastic but not every home was bad.

I think social workers should be checked. [S]ome of them don’t fulfill their duties and just skim through the process, even though they are supposed to be one person the child is able to look to for help.

Forever Families A Teen’s Perspective on Foster Care & Adoption

By Hope and Adoptive Black Mom

Editor’s note: Hope was adopted when she was a tween.

Her mom chronicles her experiences raising Hope in the blog Adoptive Black Mom (adoptiveblackmom.com). Here, Hope answers some of her mom’s questions about what it has been like for her to go through foster care and adoption.

Do you talk about being adopted much with your friends? Do you notice that you gravitate toward peers that have been adopted?

I have only really talked about it to my friends if a question regarding where I’m from comes up. I have a few friends that are adopted, but that’s something that I usually don’t find out about until we’ve already been friends for some time; so I would say, no, I don’t gravitate toward others who have been adopted.

20 MendoLakeFamilyLife

What do you think would make the foster care system better?

What advice would you give to kids first coming into foster care and what would you say to the foster parents as well?

Well, in my opinion, the foster care system needs a lot of work. It’s not the best, although I know that sometimes they are just working with what they are given. I think that the system needs to be more thoughtful about choosing who is eligible to foster because some people do it just because they can get some cash for housing

Foster kids need encouragement and positivity to get through it all.

As for advice…one thing I definitely would say is to not let the foster parents you are placed with treat you any kind of way; tell your social worker. Don’t run away from your foster home; that’ll probably make it more difficult for them to try and get you adopted, and it will put you in a bad spot. It would be easier to just ask the social worker to move houses if the situation is really not working or if they are just nasty people with a bad attitude.

For the foster parents, if you have biological children and are fostering, please treat [your foster kids] like you would your own children. [Foster kids] are probably already having a difficult time or have had a difficult time. The mistreatment can stick with them and affect them later on, which makes it hard to really trust or believe in any other adults. Pay attention to them and don’t tell them every five seconds what they may or may not be doing wrong.

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

Foster kids need encouragement and positivity to get through it all. Don’t assume you know what they are going through or know what they feel like, regardless of how long you have been fostering. You aren’t them, so just listen to them.

If you were able to chat with kids still waiting for their very own Adoptive Black Mom, how would you coach them up, i.e., help them understand what to expect. How would you help them emotionally prepare for life with a forever family?

Celebrating

Well, for everyone it’s different. One thing that I would tell them is that they really should be serious and think when they are asked about their parental preferences and the kind of environment that they want to live in. When they do finally

I think that the system needs to be more thoughtful about choosing who is eligible to foster. meet the family for them, both parts [prospective parents and kids] have to work together in order for it to work out. If you can, tell your parent about things that help you and things that upset you. [This] can really help them help you and understand your actions/ behaviors. Don’t expect something super perfect; parents are people just like you are, and they go through things the same as you. If you are having a hard time, let them know. ¶ See more of Hope’s and her mom’s writing at adoptiveblackmom.com.

www.mendolakefamilylife.com

YEARS as the #1 resource for local families

magazine • web • email • events November 2020

MendoLakeFamilyLife 21

Remember, the vibe you’re going for is Friends, not CSI.

Be a Divorce How to Help a Friend Buddy through Crisis T

By Pam Moore

he first time I attended the wedding of a friend, I knew exactly what to do. I brought a gift, set it on the gift table, and sat on the bride’s side of the aisle. By the time I got married, I’d been in so many weddings I could have filled the role of bridesmaid blindfolded with my hands bound behind my back. I was a pro when it came to helping friends tie the knot.

But when it came to helping friends through divorce, I was as comfortable as a seventh-grader at a school dance.

If, like me, for most of your adult life, the full extent of your knowledge of how to help a friend navigate a divorce consists of snippets from a grown-up conversation you overheard in the 1980s, read on. The following tips are based on the experiences of my best friend and others who have been through divorce and were kind enough to share their stories with me.

22 MendoLakeFamilyLife

Don’t interrogate. When you ask questions about how the split happened, you might think you’re expressing interest or concern, but it doesn’t necessarily come off that way. As one of my friends recalled over a decade after the fact, “Many people had a million nosy, judgy questions that just made me cry even harder. Like I was supposed to explain to them how it came about.”

Don’t judge. You might have your own ideas about why the marriage didn’t last, but that is not what your friend wants to hear right now (or maybe ever). Unless your friend specifically asks you what you think went wrong, keep it to yourself.

Said one friend, “The people who were just completely accepting and supportive were the best.”

Validate. Divorce has essentially flipped your friend’s whole life upside down. Regardless of the circumstances, the process can be scary, disorienting, and overwhelming, which can cause him

Unless your friend specifically asks you what you think went wrong, keep it to yourself. or her to second guess the decision.

One friend described “going blank” at times, like you would during trauma. She recalled how important it was for friends to remind her of the details of why she made the choice to leave and all the actions she took to try to save the marriage.

Be a haven. When your friend is going through a divorce, she may not know where she fits in anymore, especially if she’s separated (emotionally or geographically) from family. An invitation to dinner, especially at the holidays, goes a long way.

Give a gift. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive to show you care.

One friend, recalling her long-ago

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

divorce, mentioned a simple fridge magnet with a heart on it that a friend sent her. “Every time I opened the refrigerator I knew she was thinking of me.”

to coffee, and “continuing to call, even when I was at the point where I ‘should’ be okay but I wasn’t, and asking how I was, then not flinching when I gave an honest response.”

Do a task. It’s nice to say, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” but what really helps is rolling up your sleeves and working. One friend recalled being grateful when someone cleaned out her fridge without being asked, when another friend helped reset all her bank passwords, and for the people who took on housework and childcare.

Be a cheerleader. Let your friend know you believe in him. One friend described the wrenching decision to leave his partner just one month prior

Show up. And keep showing up, over and over. Said one friend, in the wake of her divorce, she was grateful for a handful of friends who kept showing up, extending invitations

“The people who were just completely accepting and supportive were the best.” to the wedding and how powerful it was to receive a letter from a family member. “[She wrote that] I made the most difficult decision of my life.

Plenty of people would have gone

through with [the wedding]. I carry that card in my bag every day. It meant the world to me when I felt like I was the worst type of human being.” Other friends recalled appreciating the advice to go out, have experiences, and figure out who you are without him, and to be selfish for a while.

It turns out, being a friend through a divorce isn’t much different than being a friend through the rest of life’s messes. As my best friend recalled, while she and her ex were splitting up, I did better than I thought I did, as a friend. “You didn’t give advice and you listened, and that’s the best you can do for someone.” ¶ This article was originally published on Motherly.

To get Pam Moore’s free guide to crushing Impostor Syndrome, visit pam-moore.com.

Quality Christian Education what % of US adults say they read magazines in the last 6 months?

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This includes 95% of those under 35 and 95% of those under 25.

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MendoLakeFamilyLife 23

November Calendar of Events Sunday 1 FREE Anderson Marsh Nature Walk.

Walking, jogging, hiking & biking (one-way trails). Six-feet distance & masks required. Picnics, parties not allowed. Pack out all trash. Tours cancelled. Open daily. 8 a.m.–5 p.m. Anderson Ranch Pkwy., Lower Lake. andersonmarsh.org.

FREE First Fiddlers’ Jam. Limited

to the first 100 people who arrive.

Offering untouched burgers, hot dogs & root beer floats. Raffle.

Bring masks & folding chair.

Noon–2 p.m. Ely Barn. 9921 Soda Bay Rd. (Hwy. 128), Kelseyville. elystagestop.org.

Mendocino College’s Virtual Plant Sale. Choose from more than 300 types of plants. Place order online & schedule to pick up.

Runs thru Nov. 13. form.jotform. com/202546596035155.

FREE INSIDE/OUT Online Art Show. The

theme is everything inside & everything outside that we have been thinking about since the outbreak of COVID-19. Show will be online & also available for viewing on Sundays only, 11 a.m.–2 p.m. Art Explorers. 333 N. Franklin St., Fort Bragg. artexplorers.org. 961-6156.

Wednesday 4 FREE Storytime in the Park.

Participants must register & receive confirmation before being allowed to attend storytime. Only 10 families are 24 MendoLakeFamilyLife

allowed at each program. Everyone older than 2 must wear masks.

Wednesdays, Thursdays & Fridays.

10:15–11:15 a.m. (Closed Nov. 11, 26 & 27.) Library Park. 200 Park St., Lakeport. Registration: lakecountyca. gov/Government/Directory/ Lake_County_CA__Library/Events/ Storytime/StorytimeRequest.htm.

FREE Virtual Mad Genius for Teens. Science experiments on Instagram Live. Wednesdays.

2–3 p.m. instagram.com/ thehideoutteens_mendolibrary.

Thursday 5 FREE Virtual Foodie Finds for Teens. Learn

how to make a variety of yummy sweets & savory snacks.

Ages 12–18. Thursdays. 4 p.m. instagram.com/thehideoutteens_ mendolibrary/?hl=en.

FREE Open Mic Poetry. Live

Zoom. All ages welcome, come read your original poetry aloud or other author’s work. Hosted by the Fort Bragg Public Library. First Thursdays. 7–8 p.m. us02web.zoom. us/j/9748647159.

Friday 6 Claws for a Cause (Virtual Edition). Seabiscuit

Therapeutic Riding Center fundraiser. Online auction Nov. 6–8. Items include lobster dinner for 4 (delivered to you); a 2-night stay in Mendocino & an antique saddle owned by Charles Howard & used by Noor

(Seabiscuit’s stablemate). strc. ejoinme.org/claws4acause.

FREE Virtual Toddler Time.

Librarians present stories, songs & rhymes on Facebook Live. Ages 18 months–3 yrs. Fridays. 10:30–11 a.m. facebook.com/UkiahLibrary.

Fort Bragg HazMobile. Hazardous

Material Drop-Off. Hosted by MendoRecycle. 9 a.m.–1 p.m. 219 Pudding Creek Rd., Fort Bragg. facebook.com.MendoRecycle.

Saturday 7 FREE All About Acorns: A Day in the Wild Gardens. Learn about the Pomo people’s acorn traditions.

Search for acorns in the garden with self-guided materials. Masks & social distancing required.

Limit of 45 people at any one time. 10 a.m.–3 p.m. Grace Hudson Museum. 431 S. Main St., Ukiah. gracehudsonmuseum.org.

Sunday 8 FREE Hendy Woods State Park.

Second Sunday of each month free admission for local residents living in Yorkville, Boonville, Philo, Navarro, Comptche & Elk. 8 a.m.–5 p.m. Hendy Woods State Park.

18599 Philo Greenwood Rd., Philo. kozt.com.

Saturday 14 FREE Hare Creek Beach Workday.

Bring gloves, water & your own

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

mask. Tools will be provided.

COVID-19 guidelines followed. 10 a.m.–noon. Hare Creek Beach.

Redwood @ Hwy. 1, Fort Bragg.

RSVP: 962-0470. mrichardson@ mendocinolandtrust.org.

Saturday 21 FREE The Long Intermission. Live

virtual celebration of Mendocino Theatre Company’s past, present & future. Featuring Mendocino Dance Project, Gloriana Musical Theatre, Flynn Creek Circus & Hit & Run Theatre. Donations accepted.

7:30 p.m. Live on YouTube: mendocinotheatre.org/special-events.

Tuesday 24 FREE Virtual Kids’ Corner. Monthly

live stream introduces the new books in the Children’s Room.

Includes picture books & early readers to non-fiction & chapter books. (All featured books are available for curbside pickup.) For ages 0–11. 4–4:30 p.m. facebook. com/UkiahLibrary. tinyurl.com/ y246vbuk.

Have More Fun & Create Great Memories Get weekly FREE e-mail updates for the best LOCAL family fun calendar

visit

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November 2020

MendoLakeFamilyLife 25

Humor Break “They would probably be more comfortable in the same bag.”

“Yes, but it would make for a much more comfortable car ride for us if each of my girls is holding one bag.”

“Are you going straight home?”

“We are stopping at Jamba Juice first.”

“I recommend going straight home and keeping them out of direct sunlight.”

Go Fish

The Search for a Low-Maintenance Pet

By Jessica Guerrieri

M

y sanity had hit a pandemic low point when I decided we could foster two 8-week-old kittens.

After four weeks of snuggles and an abundance of cat feces, those kittens are now in their forever home—which is thankfully not ours. I am now quite aware that I am a “low-maintenance pet” kind of mom. So, after the kitties left, I grabbed our masks and took my three girls to find some goldfish.

I was beyond thrilled that, of all the sparkly, glow-in-the-dark fish at Petco, my daughters chose the 19-cent feeder fish (low-maintenance and cheap, score!). We decided on just two, since our fishbowl was small and the youngest isn’t yet old enough to keep herself from accidentally committing fish murder.

I went to retrieve a store employee to help us capture the fish, and was surprised when not just the employee, but also the store manager came along.

26 MendoLakeFamilyLife

And that is where my quest for simple pet care ended.

“What type of living environment do you have for them at home?” the store employee asked me.

“Like their tank? I have a small fishbowl for them.”

The employee and manager exchanged judgy looks.

“For goldfish, we recommend you get a larger tank because they expel a lot of waste. With a bowl, you will be changing the water constantly. It’s not an optimal environment for them.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen. I’m sure we can change the water daily.”

“Well, I mean we can’t stop you from getting them, but you will officially be going against doctor’s orders.”

Pause for sarcastic laughter since we are talking about fish. There is none.

“I think I can live with that. Can you put them in two separate bags, please?”

At this point I decided to pay, just to end the most ridiculous conversation I’d had that day (and that included the one with my 4-year-old about why we must wear pants in the car).

On our way out, the manager who had fished out our fish stopped us at the door to make sure we had paid and that we weren’t the mother-and-daughter-fish-stealingmasterminds making headlines on CSPAN. Just to seal his fate as the star of this article, he told me that if I brought the dead fish carcasses back to the store, we would get replacements free of charge for the next 30 days. I do a lot for my daughters, but I draw a hard line at intentionally transporting dead guppies to save less than 50 cents.

Back at home, my girls are currently taking turns holding the bowl on their laps while the littlest eats Goldfish crackers (discreetly, of course, out of respect for the new family members). Mission low-maintenance pets: accomplished. While signs of pet-purchasing-delirium show it’s obvious we’ve all been at home far too long, other people maybe have spent a little too long among the fishes. ¶ Find Jessica Guerrieri at witandspitup. com and on Instagram at @witandspitup.

November 2020 www.mendolakefamilylife.com

Marketplace

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L

ike many people and institutions, local art organizations are financially suffering during the pandemic. One local company is (quite literally) not taking it lying down. North Coast Ballet is producing an online performance and benefit called Dancing in the Moment with the hope of keeping the organization, the only pre-professional company in Sonoma County, alive. The event will be held on November 7 at 6 p.m.

Tickets are $35; for those hosting a socially distanced viewing party, an additional $10 donation per viewer is suggested.

Beyond the Glory, a Petaluma sports bar and grill, will be  offering meal options to those who want to dine before their at-home events. For more information and to purchase tickets, go to northcoastballet.org. ¶

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ids like to pretend they are super heroes. And Marrielle Monte gives little ones an opportunity to act like them.

Her positive-thinking Empowering Kids! workshops use “super-hero” poses, affirmations, and music and dance to help youngsters understand that they can use their thoughts to change how they feel. Monte, the author of the children’s book Magic Thinking for Kids, will be hosting a free online Empowering Kids! workshop on November 23, 3–3:30 p.m. To register, log on to tinyurl.com/yxdhra9s or search evenbrite.com for “Empowering Kids! A fun workshop for kids and their parents!” ¶ www.mendolakefamilylife.com

November 2020

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Find critical COVID-19 info plus lots of free kid-friendly activities.

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