Values Upon Values

By: Rahmatullah Siddique Vancouver, British Columbia

In the Winter 2021 issue of the NorthWest Muslim Magazine, Rahmatullah Siddique wrote an article named The Social Media Mirage. Seeing as this is such an important issue concerning today’s children and youth, Rahmatullah has taken the initiative to write a follow-up, focusing on two specific touch points: The first being values and second being the dangers of virtual reality.

Instilling Values

As Muslims we know the value of having good surroundings and a righteous circle of friends. As our children indulge more and more into a digital world, their community is no longer where we are putting them after school or on the weekend. It is where they are spending the most time – online. We send our children to school for over eight hours a day, entrusting the school system to instill proper values and teach our children valuable life skills. Additionally, we try to sign them up for after-school, extra-curricular programs to keep them busy and help them meet new friends. However, during all of this, and during the times they are not active, these children are still “plugged in”. They are always immersed in a digital world, and sadly that is usually where most of their time is spent. Think about it from an adult's perspective. If you ask us to put our phones down for a few hours, we end up getting anxious and worried about what is going on in our world – it's like a drug withdrawal. Children face this as well.

So what does this mean? Humans will be influenced by their communities, friends, and atmosphere, for most children, this is mainly a digital atmosphere. Our children are picking up norms and values that are promoted online. TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat – all of the “Inflencers” - are doing their jobs very well– they are influencing our children. The sad reality is that these influencers are the ones teaching the children right from wrong. The idea of fame and fortune from doing the latest trend, watching and posting videos, and becoming an influencer is something children want to achieve. For the popular ones, it is something to validate them further. For the less popular ones, it is something to help them become cool.

I have personally seen Muslim youth doing the latest dances to the most sexually explicit music, claiming that there is no harm as the lyrics are not there – give me a break. Social media platforms have basically normalized softcore child pornography in todays society. Re-read that sentence again, because it is true. Log on to any platform and you will see barely dressed girls and boys “shaking it” in the most obscene ways – why? Because that’s the new trend!

We see the desire to complete new challenges, putting their social and physical well being at risk, or we see them respond to others using new slang or pre-determined responses because that’s how the influencers are doing it! We are seeing children grow up with values instilled in them that are coming from influencers, rather than the family setting. This is alarming.

In order to combat this, screen time NEEDS to be kept to a minimum. That does mean more work for parents – but it is worth the work. The children of today need our attention in order to be the leaders of tomorrow.

The Plug In.

I used the term when describing kids – that they are always “plugged in”. What I am trying to say is that no matter where we are – the home, the masjid, the school, kids always have access to their digital world. This is dangerous, as they are living two lives simultaneously. One where they physically are, and one online. We take our kids to Quran class in order to connect with our faith – yet most of them show up with a device, and are using it before and right after. Tell me what exactly, what was the point of that class?

The child’s brain does not even have enough time to process what was discussed before they are back into their digital world. The human brain needs time to process thoughts and knowledge, and we need to focus. From an adult’s perspective, I personally know how much anxiety a device can cause me. We need the perfect photo, the perfect video, or we always need to check work, or check messages. So if it's that hard for us, how will a child manage it? Children need time to focus, and build on the knowledge they received. They need to process the experiences they are having. Studies have proven that when we use our devices our attention is so split that we truly can’t take in what is going on around us.

This, brothers and sisters, is where the danger arises. We are expecting our children to become good human beings, and good Muslims, but we are basically giving them the equivalent of a power saw, and not teaching them how to use it. Devices are not all bad, but the content is what is harmful.

We need to take steps forward to be more involved with our kids, and more importantly, make our kids be more involved with the people around them, OUTSIDE of the digital world. We grew up in a world with no devices, and most of our parents monitored who we hung out with – these days, we don’t even know who our kids are hanging out with online, and sadly those are the people teaching them how to live.

Article Follow-up:

Rahamatullah’s article is powerful. It brings to light the many trials youth today face in the digital world. To better understand the trials that we're going through, and set healthy habits for your young ones and teens, the editorial team at NorthWest Muslims would like to highlight some steps you as parents can take in this brave new world.

Step #1: Learn Social Media

Borrow your child's phone. Open and scroll through the following apps:

1. TikTok

2. SnapChat

3. Instagram

Click on a few of the more “suggestive” videos, and watch them.

Ask yourself, how many times a day are you okay with your child being exposed to this type of soft porn? In all likelihood, your child is either being (unintentionally) exposed to videos such as this daily, or your child is now addicted to this material and is intentionally watching dozens of these videos daily.

On Instagram, SnapChat, or Facebook, go through your child’s personal page/profile (not by adding them as a friend, but by logging on as them - children have the ability to filter what their parent’s see as “friends”). Are you comfortable with the types of pictures they are posting of themselves? Are you comfortable with the types of content your child is engaging in?

Step #2: Set Healthy Limits

The goal here is not to ban everything. Having social media skills are important to your child’s social and professional development in today’s age. The goal is to prevent your child from being exposed to content that is haram, harmful, addictive, and can cause your child to go down a destructive, or mentally, socially, or sexually damaging path.

1. Between you and your co-parents (spouse, grandparents, siblings, and cousins), set what healthy limits to each app are. Here is what we recommend:

Under 12:

1. No Social Media access at all.

2. Permit access to Youtube, and other television like media streaming - but only on a publicly visible screen such as a TV or a computer in a common room.

3. Implement parental controls on Youtube, Netflix, and other media streaming services you are using.

4. No smartphone - there are “old-school” phones available that only allow texting and calling.

Between 12 and 18:

1. Access to a smartphone when seen appropriate by parents.

a. Parents must have a password to the phone - if not, confiscate.

2. Access to Facebook and Instagram, but only if you have the username and password.

3. Access to gaming accounts when seen appropriate by parents.

a. Parents must have the username and password of all accounts. If not, confiscate phone and/or gaming/internet privileges.

4. No access to TikTok or SnapChat. All other apps - permit only after use and investigation.

Step #3: Be An Example

1. And last but not least, set yourself to be the example you want them to be. Because children learn and adopt more of what you do than what you say to them.

Photo by Jorge Salvador on Unsplash