GFG.1e.1p.int.100322.sb.qxp:booklet
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GRADUATING FROM GUILT
“Yes, absolutely. I believed very strongly that there was something to be gained,” he replied. “And what was that?” “Learning. Karen is an amazing woman. She is so intelligent but also very spiritual. She is quite successful in work—and she works in a brainy field—but also has a rich inner life. I thought that she was the right woman for me. I knew I wasn’t ready, but I was afraid to miss the opportunity—there aren’t many single women like her at our age any more. I tried to keep going despite a lack of passion because I thought that passion could grow. Unfortunately, it never did.” Brian paused. “Learning sounds like a very powerful motivator. Any other reasons?” I wondered. Brian furrowed his eyebrows a bit. “It makes no sense, but I was actually trying to meet my need for integrity. Wait, though—my need for integrity—that need ended up not being met,” he said with confusion. “Right, your need for integrity ended up not being met because of many factors that happened in the situation along the way. But that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t also one of the original positive motivations. Can you say more about that?” I asked. “Well, I wanted to commit to what was right. It just felt right to be with a woman who was so together when I was such a mess,” he said. “Committing to what you think is right seems like integrity to me,” I finished. As there were no more additions to this list, I asked Brian to check in with himself in the present moment. “There is clearly still a lot going on,” he said with agitation. “That’s fine,” I reassured him. We’ll just connect with one pair of feelings and needs at a time.”
Step 6: Check In and Make a Request Brian started with just one feeling:
OBSERVATIONS: “In this moment, when I think about having started a relationship with Karen . . .”
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