GFG.1e.1p.int.100322.sb.qxp:booklet
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GRADUATING FROM GUILT
“Hmm, something also about loyalty. I shouldn’t share intimate family things outside the family. I shouldn’t be disloyal. I shouldn’t publicly wash our family’s dirty laundry. What seems the strongest for me is that I shouldn’t be disloyal to my family.”
Step 3: Connect With the Unmet Needs “Thank you, Ingrid,” I replied. “So what needs are not met when you are not more loyal to your family?” “My need to have my integrity recognized wasn’t met. I was trying to give the new doctor the information she needed to give my mother the best care, and no one saw that intention—in fact, my brother criticized my decision,” she said. “Nor did my actions contribute to my mother’s sense of empowerment, and for that I feel very sad.” “What about a sense of belonging with the family? Did this cause a divide?” I wondered. “Well, I haven’t had a sense of belonging with the family for eons,” Ingrid sighed, “and this was just one more example of us not working together. . . . “I also have a need to know that I did the right thing—to be effective, you might say,” she finished.
Step 4: Experience the Feelings of the Unmet Needs After checking in with Ingrid to see if there were any more unmet needs, I read the list to her and asked her how she felt. She placed her hands over her heart, closed her eyes, and replied, “Sad, and lonely, too.” We stayed with those feelings for a minute or so before moving on.
Step 5: Connect With the Positive Motivations “Ready to go on?” I asked. Ingrid nodded, and I continued. “What would you say motivated you to tell your information to the new doctor?” © 2010 PuddleDancer
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