BML.1e.5p.int.100418.qxp:BML
4/21/10
7:32 PM
Page 58
B E I N G M E , L O V I N G YO U
right, wrong, good, or bad. They know that all of those are a product of language that trained people to live under a king. If you want to train people to be docile to a higher authority, to fit into hierarchical structures in a subservient way, it is very important to get people up in their head and to get them thinking what is “right,” what is “normal,” what is “appropriate,” and to give that power to an authority at the top who defines what those are. You can get my booklet on Social Change if you want to learn more about how this came about. When a person is raised in that culture, they have this tragic trick played on them. When they are hurting the most and needing the most, they don’t know how to express it except by calling names to other people. With NVC we want to break that cycle. We know that the basis of violence is when people are in pain and don’t know how to say that clearly. There is a book called Out of Weakness by Andrew Schmookler of the Conflict Resolution Department at Harvard University. He has written in this book that violence—whether we are talking about verbal, psychological, or physical violence, between husband and wife, parents and children, or nations—all violence at the base is people not knowing how to get in touch with what is inside. Instead, they are taught a language that indicates that there are villains out there, bad guys out there that are causing the problem. Then you have a country where even the leader will say of another country: “They’re the evil empire.” And then the leaders of the other country will say back, “These are imperialist oppressors,” instead of seeing and revealing the pain, fear, and unmet needs behind the other’s words. This is a very dangerous social phenomenon. That’s why NVC-ers are committed to just hearing the pain and needs behind any name—not to take it in and not to respond in kind. • © 2010 PuddleDancer Press
58 •
www.NonviolentCommunication.com