BML.1e.5p.int.100418.qxp:BML
4/21/10
7:32 PM
Page 52
B E I N G M E , L O V I N G YO U
to be a gift to someone; turning my needs into demands is painful to me. I do not know how to get what I need from this person. Let me try one more time to see if I can get empathy from this person.” Marshall as NVC-er: Would you be willing to try to hear just one message from me without taking responsibility for it? Partner: What do you mean? NVC-er: I’d like to tell you a feeling and a need, and have you hear only that and nothing else. Not to hear that you have to do anything about it. Not to hear that you did anything wrong. Just repeat back what you hear me say. Would you be willing to do that? Partner: I’ll try. NVC-er: I feel so sad . . . Partner: I’m sorry. [Laughter] NVC-er: Please don’t. Just wait, hold on, and repeat what I say. I feel sad because I would like my feelings and my needs to be gifts to you and not a threat. Could you tell me what you heard me say? Partner: That I shouldn’t react so strongly. NVC-er: No, I’m really not trying to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I have a feeling and a need: just concentrate on that. I feel very sad because I would like my feelings and my needs to be a gift to you and not such a threat. Can you tell me what you heard me say? Partner: That I make you sad. • © 2010 PuddleDancer Press
52 •
www.NonviolentCommunication.com