BML.1e.5p.int.100418.qxp:BML
4/21/10
7:32 PM
Page 41
M A R S H A L L B. R O S E N B E R G , P H .D.
Participant H (as herself): Now I’m wondering if you’d like to hear how I’m feeling about this. Marshall as Partner: Yeah, I’d like to hear how you are feeling. Participant H (as herself): I’m feeling really disappointed. Marshall as Partner: Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to disappoint you. Marshall: Now watch out. He has learned suicidal tendencies to take responsibility for other people’s feelings. As soon as she said she was disappointed, he went on alert. Without NVC, when people hear somebody in pain, immediately they feel that they have done something wrong and now they have to do something about it. And so this person is doing the number one thing that people unfamiliar with NVC do: apologize. You know that there is a judgment coming soon when you hear these words: “I’m sorry.” Then he repeats a whole lot of excuses that you don’t want to hear about why it’s so important for him to be with the daughter today, leaving you in all that pain, not getting any empathy. Marshall as Partner: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disappoint you, but this is the only day . . . blah-blah blah . . . excuses, excuses, justification, etc.” Phew!! [Laughter] Participant H: Is this empathy time? Marshall: No, scream in NVC! You gave them empathy; now get empathy back. Participant H (as herself): Okay. Well, I’m having a need to share my feelings with you right now. Marshall as Partner: Yes, it’s important that you do.
• © 2010 PuddleDancer Press
41 •
www.NonviolentCommunication.com