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Becoming Aware of What Others Are Truly Experiencing
we have said will often enable us to check whether we have been accurately understood. If we were to represent communication between human beings on a diagram, we could draw one like this:
Expression
Reception The exchange of a message, therefore, comprises two aspects: expression and reception. We have learned to be good boys and good girls—not to make too much noise, not to bother people, not to occupy too great a space, not to “bother others with our little problems.” So we do of course express ourselves a little, but not too much, so as not to be subject to criticism, so as not to make ourselves vulnerable, so as not to show to what extent we are sensitive, even delicate. On the diagram, we are down on the left. Since we have learned to listen properly to everybody else’s needs except our own—and to act as a St. Bernard dog and meet everyone’s needs except our own—when it comes to listening to another and receiving their messages, our tendency will be to think “I don’t mind listening to you a little, but not too much because it’s going to start getting on my nerves if I keep on listening to other people all the time. I have other more important things to do.” On the diagram, our ability to receive another’s message will often be located in the bottom left as well. There also are extremes. From time to time, we get fed up with trying to listen to others, and we try to impose upon them our vision. We express ourselves completely, but we switch off the “receive” button. We start acting like tyrants, despots. We impose our need without listening to the other person’s need. We adopt an attitude of authority, power over others, control. 117 © 2010 PuddleDancer Press
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