A A
What Is A
Train?
penned by The Good Sir, Nathan Elliott penned by The Good Sir, Nathan Elliott
usage of such a device robs the Hungry ofusage theirofprecious and well-earned Oats, such a device robs the Hungry making Trainand an Oat-Thief, as of their the precious well-earnedand Oats, making the Train an Oat-Thief, and as any upstanding citizen of the Crown any upstanding of the Crown knows, Thieverycitizen is a crime unless done is adelicious crime unless done soknows, in theThievery pursuit of Capital. so in the pursuit of delicious Capital. On top of being an Anti-worker ScounOn top of beingseems an Anti-worker Scoundrel, no person to know how the drel, no person seems to know how the Train functions. It supposedly uses a Train functions. It supposedlyEngine, uses a ” but device called a “Combustion device called a “Combustion Engine, ” but neither I nor my Colleagues know what neither I nor my Colleagues know what those Words mean together. The Boat those mean The Boat uses anWords engine, but together. of the Steam variety, uses an engine, but of the Steam variety, which everyone knows is a reliable and which everyone knows is a reliable and trustworthy means of industrial Power. trustworthy means of industrial Power. However, the action of Combustion is From what I know about this Train PheHowever, the action of Combustion is From what I know about this Train Pheharsh, and I can scarcely think of a useful nomenon, and I know several persons harsh, and I can scarcely think of a useful nomenon, and I know several persons function for it. Personally, I don’t think I with knowledge of Locomotives, this function for it. Personally, I don’t think I with knowledge of Locomotives, this would enjoy it if my engine shattered into Vehicle is entirely incapable of directly would enjoy it if my engine shattered into Vehicle is entirely incapable of directly Shards of Fire and Lost Dreams. It would feeding anyone, as it requires no Urchin Shards of Fire and Lost Dreams. It would feeding anyone, as it requires no Urchin be just as disappointing as discovering or Horse. However, Imagine the sheer be just as disappointing as discovering or Horse. However, Imagine the sheer that had formed formed amount of Oats it must take toto feed thatthe theCarriage Carriage Urchins Urchins had amount of Oats it must take feedsuch such aaUnion raising their theirOat Oat a massive Beast. Since allall other modes Unionafter after already already raising a massive Beast. Since other modes Salary. However, it would only be half of transportation require a well-fed Salary. However, it would only be half asas of transportation require a well-fed disappointing out that thatyour your Worker, for even the mighty Captain disappointing as as finding finding out Worker, for even the mighty Captain noble Horse had resigned herself toaa must partake of the Oat to steer the Ship, must partake of the Oat to steer the Ship, noble Horse had resigned herself to Life of grazing the Fields away from the it stands to reason that the Train must Life of grazing the Fields away from the it stands to reason that the Train must Lights of Industry. The Sadness to follow desire the cronch as well. So where do Lights of Industry. The Sadness to follow desire the cronch as well. So where do and the thethought thought all those Oats go?go? I see nono mouth wouldbe beimmeasurable, immeasurable, and all those Oats I see mouthononthe the would of it now upsets me. Yet, to be Sad one Front, (but that also might be because the to be Sad one Front, (but that also might be because the of it now upsets would have to know Love, and I don’t Photograph is grainy.) Nonetheless, the would have to know Love, and I don’t Photograph is grainy.) Nonetheless, the s a Personage with immense knowledge ofsthe Transportation Industry, I a Personage with immense knowlmust confess this new Locomotive, edge of thethat Transportation Industry, I must confess this like newto Locomotive, or “Train” as thethat Toilers call it, or “Train” as the Toilers likealltoaccounts call it, absolutely confounds me. By me. By all accounts I’veabsolutely seen, it is confounds an undeniably inferior I’veofseen, it is an undeniably inferior Mode Transportation with little to no Mode Transportation with little toAfno means of of long-standing functionality. means long-standing functionality. ter all, howofcould anyone favor a vehicleAfall, howa could anyonetofavor a vehicle thatter requires rail system work? To be that requires a rail system to work? To be quite frank, it sucks. The Carriage, howquite frank, it sucks. The Carriage, however, requires no Rail, only a minimum ever,Horse, requires Rail,ofonly a minimum of one or no a Pack Urchins, either of one Horse, or a Pack of Urchins, either of which shall be rewarded with a hearty of which shall be rewarded with a hearty serving of Oats following the journey. serving of Oats following the journey.
6 bed - 69 bath - listedby by Rosario Rosario Navalta 6 bed - 69 bath - listed Navalta
Gorgeous manor for sale. Out-of-style, but Victoriandilapidated-chique so the windows are a bit posh, but the stairs creak with the ghosts of the Mad Woman quite charmingly. House cleans itself, but don’t go into the basement. Pets welcome as sacrifices. If you hear someone banging around in the tomb out back, just pretend you believe The Mad Woman is dead and banging ends. Eventually. If you see a man wandering the halls, simply close your eyes and say “Your sister is outside,” and ignore the soft caress of something gentle almost-there. Don’t bother trying to get warm either; that chill’s permanent and means you don’t pay AC in the Summer months. Value’s gone down because of some kind of Pentacostal-WitchcraftEelektreecitee split the place in half. Perfect for exercise and a mistress or two. Mind the gap.
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think anyone could ever Love an Explosive Oat-Thief on ever Rails.Love an Explothink anyone could sive Oat-Thief on Rails. My Disappointment and Disgust of this My Disappointment and Disgust of thisdeny new Transportation aside, I cannot new aside, deny thatTransportation the Train is fast. TooI cannot fast, from what that Train is fast. Too fast, what I’vethe been told. Though somefrom of lesser I’ve been told. Though of lesser thought worry aboutsome the effects on the thought effects to onthe theenbody, Iworry worryabout of thethe damage body, I worry of the damage to the environment at large. Speed and Time are vironment at large. Speedorand are directly proportional, so Time my Acquaindirectly proportional, or so my Acquaintances at the University say. Though I tances at the University say. Though I only heard the Information in passing, I only heard the Information in passing, I must say that the Consequences remind must saya that the Fiction Consequences me of Cheap Novel. remind Imagine me of a Cheap Fiction Novel. Imagine taking a journey along the Coast for a taking a journey along the Coast for a trip away from Industrialized Lands, but trip away from Industrialized Lands, but your tranquil journey suddenly ends your tranquil journey suddenly ends when Time fractures and you experiwhen Time fractures and you experience the Past, Present, and Future all at ence the Past, Present, and Future all at once and in no particular order. Your once and in no particular order. Your spatial relation to the Universe also spatial relation to the Universe also disintegrates, and everything becomes disintegrates, and everything becomes closeand andfarfar simultaneously, And it’s all close simultaneously, And it’s all because of your selfish desire for reprieve because of your selfish desire for reprieve fromthe thelong long Days Work leads to the from Days of of Work leads to the Cataclysm that destroys all of Time Cataclysm that destroys all of Time andand Industrybecause because you decided to take Industry you decided to take the the Train instead of the Carriage, you GodTrain instead of the Carriage, you GodlessOat-Thief Oat-Thief loving Class Traitor. less loving Class Traitor.