Point Counterpoint By James Sweeney
Abortion
Point
As a lifelong liberal, I believe that a woman's access to abortion should come before all else in this country. In fact, I encourage it to many women, and though I'm no medical professional, I do believe they should take it under serious advisement. I have a professorial way about me. Now, I'm no fortune teller or Oracle, but I do read every newsletter published by the Liberal Underground [TW: Unkind Discourse]. And I believe it will be my vote that helps Bernie Sanders die as President. And if I predict
correctly, I do believe that will lead to President Warren's righteous iFree Abortions! Act in which abortions, which were already legal, mind you, are given away via GrubHub coupons and Facebook event invites. Fun! So now, as usual, I've got to deal with every Repugnican Bible Thumper up in arms about the gutting of a few a parasites. It's a clump of cells, people! Just wake up already. It's 2016 and you want me to make my girlfriend keep her baby? Three words, buddy: I'm feminist, okay?
If you think I'm going to let you disparage women and their vaginas all so you can point out the irony in anti-violence liberal ideals playing no role in their greatest political battle of the last century, then you're dead wrong. So you may say that a beating heart is proof of a human life, but I will always disagree. The ability to have an abortion is proof of human life. Can a fetus do that? That's what I thought. Plus, how dare you talk to me about abortion when you probably supported the Iraq War. You should have been aborted.
Wow you heartless fuck, you fucking piece of shit. Do you know what you just said? Can you even see how sick you are? You actually – I can't believe I'm even saying this about somebody – you actually want babies not to be born. You actually are happy that babies aren't being born. I personally can't imagine a world where more babies aren't being born. I – I can't remember the last time I saw a baby under one, maybe one-and-a-half years old. I haven't seen a new baby in a year and a half or something crazy like that. But no, no, no, let's allow every Roseanne, Jackie, and Darlene to go twerking and then get robo-probed so the party never ends! Just rip that living being out of its germination pod by its fully formed, muscular
hands! Quiet its cries for help, its use of audible language! “Mother!” it cries, in an accent that's hard to place. “I wanted only to grow strong and love you! Why have you forsaken me! My dying breaths prepare me for an eternity in Hell!” But you people don't care! To you people, it's all about: How can I distort and destroy my body and get the government to not only promote it on TV and in schools, but force the taxpayers to pay for it! You want to bear children only as long as it boosts your welfare and food stamps, and then demand McDonald's pay you 15 abortions an hour when you've sunken in too deep to find the keys to your 2014 Prius. You don't deserve a Prius! Wait. We need to stop this. This –
this is just sick. Look, I don't think we'll ever agree. You'll always believe that you're morally superior and more informed and better looking. And I'll always fear in my heart the finality of God's wrath. So fine, go ahead and keep pretending that the Earth can feel pain but that blessed angels-in-utero cannot. Cuz you best believe I'll stay viewing the Bible as a moral foundation on which to base my understanding of people and their role in this world, and also the logistics of slave trading, and also the technical permissibility of committing marital rape while wearing plaid. Maybe, just maybe, this is how things ought to be.
Counterpoint
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