Nonsense Gets Drafted

Page 12

that Will Help You Woke AF Literary Quotes # R E S IS the Draft

By Gisela Factora

So, war continues to be waged endlessly, everyone and their mother owns a nuclear warhead, and all your friends have been drafted to help reshape Korea. What is a simple intellectual, such as yourself, dear reader, to do in times like these? In our opinion, the most effective way to #Resist is to simply practice the radical act of self care, reblog a few posts with the “nevertheless she persisted” quote overlaid on some gifs of the female protagonists of Star Wars, hunker down in your basement bunker, and escape to the wonderful world of the written word. After much time and consideration, we’ve narrowed down this list of quotes to only the finest of fine literature. Get ready to align your chakras and decalcify your pineal gland, because your third eye is about to be bussed wide tf open.

Quote “Thirty-six,” he said, looking up at his mother and father. “That’s two less than last year.” “Darling, you haven’t counted Auntie Marge’s present, see, it’s

here under this big one from Mommy and Daddy.” “All right, thirty-seven then,” said Dudley, going red in the face.

Why this quote is woke AF As J.K. Rowling famously revealed through the Hillary Clinton-sponsored news site, Verrit, the character of Dudley Vernon is overtly a symbol for the struggle of the global proletariat. This context is most eye-opening in the above quote from the beloved first novel, which recently celebrated its 25th anniversary perhaps. “Presents” in this quote represent uneven distribution of wealth, which is kind of a no-brainer, but wait, there’s some more: red here has a deeper meaning as well. Dudley (still the proletariat) going “red” in the face represents a raising of class consciousness. Crazy how J.K. Rowling knew way back then that I would be so lonely and into Marxism. But hey: that’s why she’s a billionaire and I’m not. Woke factor:

get the look

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Quote

“Dobby is a free house-elf and he can obey anyone he likes and Dobby will do whatever Harry Potter wants him to do!” said Dobby, tears now streaming down his shriveled little face onto his jumper.”

Why this quote is woke AF Alright. This one’s easy. Dobby is gay, and Harry Potter is Barack Obama. Next? Woke factor:

Quote

“Fred and I have been developing them this summer. They’re double-ended, color-coded chews. If you eat the orange half of the Puking Pastilles, you throw up.”

Why this quote is woke AF While on the surface, this may seem to be a simple one-off about the Weasley twins’ novelty item business, this quote is actually extremely politically relevant. Why? Well, take a moment to think. You throw up when you eat the orange half, right? What else do we know is orange? That’s right, President

T

Donald Trump and his bad fake tan. Plus, The Orange One makes us sick, which, coincidentally, is another word for “throw up.” In conclusion, I’m almost done. Woke factor:

Quote

“A lot of preps stared at me. I put my middle finger up at them.” ~ Anonymous

Why this quote is woke AF Though not crafted by the soft, meaty hands of an extremely wealthy British woman, My Immortal is, of course, another classic in revolutionary self-insert fanfiction. Prep culture in this quote is emblematic of a lot of things: bourgeois indulgence, guys with that one haircut, that man that used to be in Parliament but died, and I think maybe all white people in general. To put one’s middle finger up is a radical act of defiance in the face of all that attempts to hold us back, and if that means joining AntiFa, then maybe we should all do that. Yeah, actually. We should.

Woke Factor: AntiFa


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