When his dad did get out, he bought Sam a brand new car to make up for lost years (the prison-based slave economy is surprisingly fruitful). Now Sam and his Dad run a 7-Eleven together. My dad only offered for me to take over his multimillion dollar financial firm. The gall on that man! Then there’s my friend Steph. Her dad died 3 years ago and left her all this money. Steph paid off all her college loans, and our high school created a scholarship in honor of her family. Kinda makes your Carnegie Medal of Philanthropy and inclusion in the Forbes 400 list look a little silly, doesn’t it, Dad? Both your parents died in their forties of heart complications and you’re still kicking at 63. Why? When am I gonna have to have my sister and mom murdered so I can inherit your vast fortune?
Well, this underground bunker is getting awfully lonely, I’m almost out of cocaine, and John Goodman is starting to act really strange. I might have to hit him in the neck with a bottle and make my escape. Maybe this time my return will shock my dad into a heart attack. Or, at the very least, an annulment.
*https://www.justice.gov/usao-edpa/pr/brotherssentenced-20-years-running-violent-humantrafficking-enterprise
What to Do When Mom Makes a Shit
Shit Lunch
Figure out where dad lives now Toss back a whole bottle of Elmer’s glue for attention. And a wild ride. Seriously.
Subtly hint to teacher that mom doesn’t love you enough
Change your child custody testimony. Maybe just eat it? She works two jobs. She weeps for what she can’t give you.
A pizza can support a family of four.
Leave school. Become homeless. Go on welfare and eat well off the backs of hard-working Americans like your mother.