How to Keep Mom Out by Veronica Toone
Five Sigils, Rituals and Rites That Will Keep Her At Bay
NEW POST FROM B_UNDERDOG_Xx Posted at 3:14:39 AM
B_UNDERDOG_Xx: Hey everyone. I’m
writing because I think my mom might be possessed by a demon. I mean, I don’t know for sure, but I sure as hell don’t know what her problem is. She’s been acting really weird lately, whispering about people that aren’t around anymore, like my dad, and reading a whole bunch of weird books I can’t make any sense of. All her cooking smells like rotten eggs and she’s started doing this thing where she walks into my bedroom and stands there for about a minute and then just...leaves. It’s always when I’m trying to Skype my girlfriend, too; one time I legit had a boner. I miss my dad, dudes. I asked this girl Skylar who goes to my school, and she said that my mom might be possessed by a demon. So I looked online and saw that people who are possessed sometimes smell like shit and do the weird things that she’s been doing. I love my mom and all I guess, but I don’t really want her in my room, so I found a few different things that always work to keep her out.
1. “Wedging” I found this one after I Googled “how to keep out mom.” This one is pretty simple and didn’t require any open, loving conversation or complicated ingredients. All you need is: A chair A Doorknob I stuck the chair under the doorknob and
my mom only banged on the door for about fifteen seconds before giving up! Definitely a quality method for all types of sons. 2. The Seal of Degog, Soldier of Zathoth: For this one, I actually had to open a book. I know, I know, I’m a “worthless pussy,” but it had to be done! This one is a little more complicated, because it requires painting stuff on your door and has the potential to get you in serious trouble. This banishing sigil is supposed to keep negative energy out of any space it touches, and boy has my mom been fucking negative lately. I’m sure some of you are in a similar situation, but just draw it with either red or black paint on your door and that should do it. (The ketchup was an accident). And hey, if that one works, go ahead and draw some wieners, too. 3. Holy Oil I find that it works best to take maybe a tablespoon of holy oil and pour it in front of my bedroom door. One time she slipped on it and it got on her hands, and she started screaming and screaming. It’s like yeah, Mom, now you know how I feel! 4. Banishing Ritual: INGREDIENTS:Salt, lavender, three to five drops of blood, the eye of a hawk, a picture of Mom, rose petals, cloves, milk, pepper, ketchup, and some leaves I found outside
(for texture). - Combine dry ingredients in a bowl and smash the shit out of it until it’s a fine powder. - Put milk and ketchup together separately. - Strike a match and burn the dry ingredients in your mom’s bedroom. Say the alphabet backwards three times fast. Start over if you want, and remember to have fun while you’re doing it. This is our childhood, and we should enjoy it. - Pour milk/ketchup on top to put the fire out. Then drop in the blood. - Pour the mixture onto your mom’s bed. Run. UPDATE: Daylynn_in_Cali79 sent me a private message and said that this worked for him and that his mom hasn’t been home in three days. 5.) Prayer of Exorcism So apparently this is ratified by the Church, which is pretty cool. I mean like, I’m not super big into ghosts or anything, but my great-grandfather died about three years ago, and he definitely still had some stuff to work through. That’s probably who my mom is talking to when I’m trying to play Bloodborne. I found a prayer online and I found that if I yell it loud enough, she usually backs the fuck off. I’ve found that typing it out erases my computer’s hard drive, so I’ll just leave it to your imagination, but if someone could just comment below and tell me what I can do now that she’s started crawling on the hallway floor, I’d really appreciate it. I keep trying to do my homework and she keeps bumping into shit.
Looks like we ended up where we belonged all along!