CrossWord Puzzle 1.
Relatable
2.
Voted “Most Like You” in high school
3.
The one who has been making the best sauce
4.
Did NOT kill Honduras.
5.
Chosen by God themself to rule until the end of time, or nuclear warfare.
6.
The one who your abuela calls. The one who your abuela knows. She is just like your abuela.
7.
The maker of fine crafts, the giver of gifts, the one with many names. She moves like a shadow. She is soft as a dance. Who is she, precious puzzleslave? Do you know who she is? She is not a person who would be being the doing the killing of the Honduras.
8.
Fun!
9.
Great on the dance floor.
10. A good crossword puzzle maker. 11. Maybe killed a little bit of Honduras. 12. What’s really so bad with some dead Honduras, pray tell? 13. Your president, who you could not impeach even with all the armies of the world, even if she totally and completely did the killing of Honduras.
Answers:
14. Hillary Clinton
Are You
Bigoted Enough to Run the
Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave? 2. What is your Halloween Costume this year?
Ever wonder if you’ve got what it takes to persuade 78% of America that you’re relatable and bigoted just like them? Well we here at Nonsense have put this little questionnaire together to help you sort out just how bigoted you are. Maybe you’ll learn something about yourself along theway. Like that one time you got aroused during Ice Age: The Meltdown.
1. A hispanic man says to you, “Hello.” What is your response?
A. “Hello” B. “Hola” C. “Did you just assume my language?” D. Offer him a piece of dried fruit
If you chose B, then you got it! You know he’s just saying “Hello” because he just started learning English and is trying to get some practice in. DO NOT let him practice his English. It will only make him one step closer from stealing your job at DOW Jones.
A. Spooky, pointed-head, ghost B. Native American C. Colin Kaeprenick’s knee cap D. A piece of dried fruit Of course the answer is C! Kneecapping is not outdated and is a very fair punishment for this famous man who dared defy this great country! As a protest for Kaepernick’s much needed kneecapping, we will fill Hallow’s Eve with man, white man dressed as his severed knee cap. A DIY costume everyone will love.
3. How spicy do you want your Special K cereal?
A. Yes, thank you B. Very spicy indeed C. No spice, no milk, just dry D. Juice me up, baby Obviously the answer is C. What man stoops so low as to eat anything with diary in it? Milk comes from the females and it makes my colon runnier than Usain Bolt on a Tuesday (his toughest day of training). Scientists have proven time and time again that spicy food was created by Obama in 2007 as a way to brainwash the populous to become Thai-loving vegans. Stick to bland, boiled, chicken and steamed beans like God hath intended.
4. I went down by the river, the river, the river. Down by the river and what did I find?
A. My son’s cold dead mangled body. My baby boy. B. The river C. My peace with God D. Definitely not my hidden dried fruit storage bunker The answer is B.
5. Scenario: You’re the President on Air Force
One, and it’s taken over by Russian spies. They captured your family. You have already used an escape-pod. Unknown to the spies, you are Vietnam War veteran and Medal of Honor recipient. You have remained hidden in the cargo hold instead of using the pod. What is your next move?
A. Kill all the spies, narrowly escape a missile, save your family, and be tethered into safety B. Actually use the escape pod. My kids are assholes and my marriage is loveless C. ISIS was behind the whole thing D. Isn’t this the plot to Air Force One (1997) starring Harrison Ford? The answer is C. Obviously any attack, against any American, anywhere, can be traced back to ISIS. This is the attitude a President needs to have to get things done.