Donald Trump
s s e l a r B g n i o #G
By Solange Luftman
In Support of Women’s Rights I know women and I know bras. Hakuna Matatas. It means no worries for your boobies. What I’m saying is, boobs in cages is no good and if a lady would like me to see her boobs, then I’m okay with that and encourage that. Freedom is the best thing.” The campaign was officially announced last weekend at, “UHaul Me at Hello” a popular lesbian bar in Chicago. Donald Trump reasoned that there was no better place than a lesbian establishment to break the news because according to him they “represent the ultimate womanhood.” Trump told the attendees that he, “loved and respected,” their, “way of life,” and wanted to make things even better. He ended the speech with the zinger, “You can’t spell Brave without Bra. This is the start of 2nd wave feminism! It will be the BEST wave!” Responses were mixed.
President Donald Trump has recently come under fire for his comments regarding women and relationships. Donny has never been good at censoring himself and has been receiving pressure from male politicians who have daughters and wives and moms they love very much, and feminist communities, to make changes. Most recently Trump was invited to attend a Knicks game. In the locker room, Trump joked with the players about all the “game” they possessed. He said, “You know you guys are just like me. When you’re rich and have a big dick, a pussy can never say no. Except for you chodie Mcchode chode! (Referring to ball player Adam Nevins).” The team reported feeling extremely uncomfortable in Trumps presence. Trump’s stunt with the Knicks was a lot to swallow, to say the least, but America seemed
to shrug it off within a few days. However, his next offense was too much to ignore. Footage of President Trump arose on YouTube of him dancing around a fire and performing a—what many have described as—meninist ritual. He was barefoot, skipping around a bonfire, and chanting “c*nt” repeatedly while making sexual thrusting motions. In response to this media scandal, Trump promptly apologized on national television and promised to make changes. He announced that he would be developing a new campaign called, “#GoingBraless” in order to inspire women everywhere to abandon the constraint. When asked about the reasoning behind the campaign Mr. Trump responded, “I love women, okay? I want them to have equality so bad. I see women wearing bras and its SAD. Look: I’ve got one wife, two ex-wives and two daughters.
The decision will undoubtedly cause a divide in feminist communities. Supporters may praise Trump’s innovative and humanist thought, but opposers will surely comment on the impracticality of the movement. Last Tuesday, Trump took the time to send a shout out to feminists on twitter, saying, “remember when women were burning bras? Well I say, save the fire and just get rid of them altogether. It’s a terrific idea.” Almost immediately afterwards, Trump followed the tweet with a picture of himself dangling a bra from his hand, sporting a grin for the ages, and showcasing his bare, hairy, and saggéd #boobies with the campaign’s hashtag painted on his wrinkled #GrandpaGut. Nonsense Humor reached out to Georgia Mckinn, a famous second-wave feminist in Andover, Mass who fully supports the movement. She commented, “I’ve been braless since 1965 and have never looked back. I feel so alive and free. I think Mr. Trump’s mind is on the right path.” It is unclear whether the “#Going Braless” campaign will actually have an effect on women’s rights, or whether it will pick up at all. Trump’s opponent (and LOSER!) Hillary Clinton has not yet commented on whether she will be participating in the campaign or not. Nonsense Humor reached out to Mrs. Clinton for a statement, but was politely declined.
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